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Jewish Journal

LeAnn and Eddie Episode 7 Recap

by Ilana Angel

3 weeks ago

Tonight's typos are generously sponsored by Patron.

Dear Lord, thank you for tequila. We start with LeAnn meeting with a decorator in her fake house to fake redecorate. This is not your house LeAnn, and this is not a sitcom. You’re a whore, Eddie is a moron, and this show is dumb. I can't for the life of me understand how this show got made. Look away! I watch so you don’t have to.

Eddie comes in and she asks his opinion, Come on! He is not allowed to have an opinion. Now we know this is scripted. She ignores what he says, just as he ignores her sexual advances. They go to a fake meeting and Eddie notices they’re being followed by paparazzi. We never see the car, so clearly there never was one. The crazy continues.

By crazy of course I mean sociopath. In the interest of time, I will insert a legally required “allegedly” here and have it apply to anywhere in my blog LeAnn’s lawyer Larry thinks a cease and desist letter is needed. It’s just my opinion Larry so lighten up. They make another attempt at humor with something about LeAnn being surrounded by yes people.

Does Eddie think he is an actor? He is just a pretty face. By pretty face of course I mean he once had a pretty face but whoring around has left him weathered, creepy, and sporting a wonky eye. LeAnn also seems to fancy herself as an actress. Um, no. She is going to “let” Eddie redecorate the fake media room in their fake house. I might puke.

LeAnn wants us to know fashion is a big part of her life. Have you seen how she dresses? Poor girl. The only time she looks good is when she copies an outfit from Brandi Glanville, her fashion inspiration. I wonder what fashions LeAnn wears when she goes to bed and her husband pretends she is Brandi. Is there a designer for that look?

LeAnn and Eddie are “designing” clear handbags. Really? I have seen those at the 99 cent store. They are hideous and I’d never use one. Seriously, she is so dumb. How does one live when so stupid? Bless her black, cold, bitter, heart. Oh. My. God. They're going to have a fanny pack too! I am laughing my ass off at these people.

Their partner in the bag company is the wedding planner from his nuptials to Brandi. No matter how much she tries, Brandi is just everywhere in LeAnn’s life. Eddie is hanging onto whatever he can of her. That must hurt. Cut to LeAnn having a drink on the fake patio of her fake house with her friend. The one made out of plastic. What’s her name?

LeAnn talks about going to soccer games of her husband’s kids and all the paparazzi that come “out of nowhere”. They came because you beckoned loser. Liz tells LeAnn to use the paparazzi to help sell bags. Translation: you are already paying them to take your picture, so just carry the bag and put something funny it. Is Liz mentally deficient?

Time to furniture shop for the fake stuff. Eddie says LeAnn is used to yes, but will be getting a lot of no. For example, no I don’t like that chair, no I don’t like that lamp, no I don’t love you, no I don’t want to touch you. LeAnn goes for a fake lunch with Liz. No paparazzi? How is it possible? Wait for it, a tour bus comes by and recognized her! 

That would never happen. Just like Taylor Swift says, ever. Sidebar: Taylor Swift must really drive LeAnn insane. She is everything she wished she was but never quite made it. Love you Taylor!  LeAnn goes to the bathroom, laxatives, and some friend comes by. How convenient. She sees the clear bag with the gag items and leaves, then LeAnn returns.

If they're friends wouldn’t she wait ten seconds to see her? LeAnn says Stephanie’s kid goes to school with hers. What a pathetic moron. You don’t actually have any kids LeAnn. The publicity stunt fails when the paparazzi show up. Dear Lord. I'm having another drink. I can't handle this show for much longer. I need it to be over.

Cut to the fake house, Eddie is showing off a gift he apparently got as a wedding gift to Brandi. “Apart from his kids the only good thing to come out of his marriage.” What a pathetic loser. Eddie is in love with Brandi, that is why he wants to hurt her. Ugh. Eddie tells LeAnn the fake friend has cancelled a play date with one of his kids. Again, these are his kids.

The camera is not kind to LeAnn. The room is being decorated badly on purpose. So funny! Said nobody ever. LeAnn makes a joke about when they were dating, while still married, and I am amazed by how inappropriate she is. Let’s take a moment to talk about rape shall we? Yes people, I want to talk about LeAnn’s idiotic comment to Joan Rivers.

When asked when she lost her virginity, LeAnn said she was 16, had been with him for 3 years, and she raped him. Really? Rape is not funny you dumbass. LeAnn needs to stop trying to be funny. Why exactly is she constantly being given a platform to talk shit? I am offended by her comment as a woman and an intelligent human being. Shut up LeAnn.

I think this woman is unfit to care for children and amazed by the lack of balls Eddie has to allow this garbage around his kids. She will lose him the same way she got him and those kids will never see her again. These people are disgusting. God Bless Brandi for being quiet, respecting her kids, and not taking his droopy ass to court. I would.

I want to take a moment to send prayers to Joan Rivers and her family. I hope she has a speedy recovery and gets well soon. She is a legend and I've grown up watching her. I'm glad her daughter and grandson are by her side. I sincerely love this woman. She is an inspiration, a genius, and my hope is she comes back better than ever.

LeAnn leaves Eddie and goes to meet the friend about her tequila bag. The woman comes with her kids, which is shameful. What people will do for money is pathetic. LeAnn says the bag had everything wrong in the world in it. Is she kidding? How dare she speak unkindly of tequila! That crosses a line for me. Tequila matters!

The highlight is one of the kids being so repulsed by LeAnn he hides in his stroller. The fake friend pretends to care about what LeAnn says, and I’m bored. Next week will be a fake pregnancy story and I'll be lucky if I don’t choke to death on my own vomit. I can only handle one more week of this crap, and that is keeping it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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