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Jersey Shore: The Great Wall of Florence

by Ilana Angel

August 28, 2011 | 8:59 pm

Mike vs. The Great Wall

I was looking forward to Jersey Shore’s special Sunday episode and in the end was a little disappointed.  I have been over Ronnie and Sam forever and this episode put me over the edge.  As I watched I was actually praying her head would explode.  By her head exploding, of course I mean I wished someone would knock her out so she would just shut up.

We see the big fight between Mike and Ronnie and while we all thought Ronnie knocked him out, he actually knocked himself out.  He pounded his own head into a concrete wall.  The poor old guy lost his mind and knocked himself out for a second.  We’ve all heard of the Great Wall of China, but did you know there was a Great Wall of Florence?

Mike is on the floor and Sammi is screaming and her voice makes my skin crawl.  Mike and Ronnie go at it again, the crew jumps in to break them up and Sammi is still talking.  Why can’t this girl just shut the F*&^ up?  She keeps talking, everyone is begging her to stop, but she just keeps on talking. Why MTV does not fire her ass is beyond me.

Pauly was joking, but right on when he said the reason Mike threw himself into the Great Wall of Florence, was because he was trying to kill himself so he didn’t have to listen to Sammi and Ronnie anymore.  It’s a valid reason.  An ambulance is called and Mike is taken to the hospital to make sure he is not hurt.  In the end all the fight hype was lame.

Jenny goes to talk to Ron and Sammi is pissed because she thinks she is the only one who can understand him or help him.  Jenny is begging her to go and Sammi is still talking.  I can’t stand Sammi and I seriously think this chick needs help, and by help of course I mean sent home.  Jenny has become the grown up of the group and she is my new favorite.

Ronnie tells Sammi that he loves her, but being with her is toxic.  He is trying to be apologetic but she is obsessed with who he has been talking to. What am I missing here?  They were broken up for months so did she think he was home waiting for her?  Sammi is not only a bitch, but she is dumb.  By dumb of course I mean really, really stupid.

Sam storms off because she is done, for the millionth time, and Ronnie packs to go home.  Again.  Vinny talks to Ron and tells him he should not go home. Vinny is the Dr. Phil of Jersey Shore according to Ronnie and in the end Dr. Vinny wins and Ronnie decides that he should stay, ride it all out, and not give up his opportunity to be in Italy.

Mike is kept overnight for observation and sent home.  He takes a cab home and crawls into bed with his sprained neck and slight head trauma.  Ronnie tells him he is sorry and did not mean what he said.  Really?  He meant every word that he said.  The merry-go-round of words and apologies on this show is ridiculous.  They are drowning in there own crap.

Ronnie gets up and leaves the house to spend the day alone.  He goes to the gym and then out to eat.  Then, with what I am sure is absolutely no scripting, Vinny, Jenny, Deena and Pauly happen to walk into the exact same restaurant to eat as Ronnie.  Seriously, what are the odds of that happening? You have got to laugh and love it all.

They are all talking about how he needs to dump Sammi for good and it’s sad. Sad that he can’t let her go, and sad that we are watching.  Snooki and Jenny get flowers from their men at home and listening to Snooki talk to Jionni is hilarious.  She cracks me up and their conversation is like listening to a whore talk to a priest about sex, and it’s quite cute.

Mike is home alone and crying.  He feels abandoned and sad that everyone went out and left him alone.  It’s nice to see him so vulnerable and it’s the first time that he is appealing.  His appeal lasted about 10 seconds.  He is a pig.  Sammi takes all of the things Ronnie gave her and put them on his bed. Ron finds it and throws it all in the trash.

Sam gave them back, he threw them out, and she is pissed.  She says she was mature by returning it, but throwing it out is going too far.  She takes all the stuff out of the garbage and keeps it. She makes me sick and in the end maybe these two losers deserve each other.  Mike and Ronnie make up, I guess, since they talk without listening.

The girls go out for dinner and I think it’s funny that they are out at a Mexican restaurant in Florence.  The guys go out too and leave Mike home. The boys go to a club and of course there is drama.  Pauly is dancing with a girl, some guy is pissed about it, and Ronnie is with a grenade.  Pauly walks away from the fight and Ronnie dumps the grenade.

Snooks tells Mike she is still mad at him, but wants him to know she loves him and is glad he is okay.  Snook’s blonde streaks make her look like she is balding and Mike thinks she and her boyfriend are not meant for each other. Leaving the club, Ronnie buys flowers for Sammi, which makes no sense at all. He hates her, but buys her flowers?  Whatever.

He gives her the flowers and they fight yet again.  Sammi wants to know why he bought the flowers, why he is mean to her, and why he is ignoring her.  It’s gross.  He then takes back the flowers, throws them in the garbage, and she is once again pulling stuff from the trash.  This special bonus episode was lame and I hope Thursday goes back to keeping it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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