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Jersey Shore: Lesbians + Steroids + Fists = a Situation in Italy

by Ilana Angel

August 26, 2011 | 8:42 am

A hit from this guy is going to hurt.

This week starts with the Situation sending his whore home, immediately followed by Vinny sending his whore, the identical twin to Mike’s whore, home.  Vinny’s whore made out with Deena, then did Vinny, so it’s completely understandable that she stumbled out of the house and almost fell down the stairs.  These guys are classy, just like their women.

The boys go out to eat and it’s when you see the four boys together that you realize Mike is not that good looking.  On his own there is a cuteness to him, but with the other guys, he just looks like the old, less attractive one.  All the girls go out to eat also and they are talking about Mike’s accusations about Snooki, and Deena’s temporary lesbianism.

When everyone is home, Sunday dinner is being prepared and there is all kinds of crap going on.  The boys are making fun of Deena for her trip to Lesbieville, and she is pissed off.  Snooki is calling her boyfriend to tell him about what Mike is telling everyone.  I love Snooki and think she is the best part of this show, but I think she may be lying.  Snooki slept with Mike.  Ew.

Jionni tells Snooks he believes her, everything is fine, and he will be in Italy to see her in 3 weeks.  The girls get dressed up with huge hats and lots of boobs and it’s hilarious.  Jenny is truly a beautiful girl.  Dinner is on and nobody is talking, until Mike breaks the ice and starts talking about Deena stealing the girl from Vinny.  Mike is a crap disturber.

Vinny says Deena should not steal chicks from him because he might like the girl.  Really?  Is he kidding?  These guys don’t like women.  They like sex and putting notches on their belts.  It is what it is, we all watch and dig it, so don’t start with the crap about liking girls Vinny.  Not buying it.  Dinner is over and Pauly and Vinny want to punish Deena a little.

They take Deena’s bed out of their room and put it in the living room.  Deena is crushed, Jenny jumps to her defense, and the guys say they are just kidding.  Deena is having a little nervous breakdown and Jenny is not having it.  She tells the boys they are mean and go gets Deena and forces everyone to talk about it, so there is no tension in the house.

I love Jenny.  Deena tells Pauly he is different now and Pauly says it’s her that has changed.  I love Pauly too.  He explains himself well and Deena acknowledges that it’s her.  She is drinking too much, and has lost her way. Deena is lovely and I feel for her.  They are all living unreal lives and it’s a lot of pressure.  She will be fine.  I hope she will be fine.

Pauly comes out the winner and I am proud of him for clearing the air and hugging it out with Deena so she can have some peace.  Everyone goes to bed and the morning brings the first day of work for the first shift.  Snooks, Deena and Pauly head to the pizza parlor. Seeing Deena and Snooks in flat shoes next to Pauly, you realize how really little they are.

The girls are in the shop and Pauly is sent out onto the street to hand out flyers.  Pauly is flirting with everyone and being hilarious.  Snooks is washing dishes and hating her hat because it is rubbing off her bronzer.  She decides the best way to get through her first day is to booze it up.  Snooki is drinking a lot this season which is interesting considering her arrest last year.

She gets a customer to buy them a bottle of wine and proceeds to chug away at an entire bottle.  The owner busts her, and he is not too thrilled. Her apparent alcoholism aside, Snooki is hilarious.  The boss dumps the wine down the sink and Snooks says its alcohol abuse because she could have drunk it.  I want to go out for dinner with Snooki.

Back at the house Jenny is concerned Ronnie is back with Sammi, but still talking to Hannah, the girl he’s been seeing, who he has invited to Italy.  Oy vey.  Jenny and Ronnie go shopping and he buys a bunch of stuff for Sammi. She is in love, and they are going out for dinner.  She might be in love, but he appears to not really care either way.  Blow up pending on this one.

The gang all goes out to a new club and everyone is having fun and getting trashed.  Ronnie is dancing, there is chick within a few feet of him, Sammi is plastered, and of course looses her mind and wants to have a deep conversation about it.  Ronnie dumps her.  Again.  I find everything about these two to be annoying.  I wish they never went to Italy.

Pauly and Mike get a couple of chicks and everyone heads home.  Pauly’s chick decides she’s not into it, so she is bailing.  She gets her friend from Mike and she bails too.  I’m not sure why a girl would go to a guy’s house at 4 am and think they are going to knit.  The girls leave and Mike calls Brittney the whore back and makes sure she knows it’s only for an hour.

Sam is talking crap about Mike, Ronnie is hammered and fed up with Sammi, which turns into his being fed up with Mike, and it’s going to get ugly.  Mike is on a couch, Ronnie goes over and with one hand lifts the couch to get Mike up.  It was fantastic and watching him walk around without a shirt, like an ape, it’s oddly attractive.  I’m digging me some juicehead.

Sammi is an idiot.  She is the cause of all the problems, which is good television, but she needs to get help not be on television.  Sammi tells Mike what he said, Mike denies it, and Ronnie goes over the edge.  Mike is very calm until Ronnie starts to throw all of Mike’s stuff out of their room.  MTV made us think we got to see the fight this week, but they were teasing for next week.

The fight between Ronnie and Mike looks brutal, and crosses a line for me.  Ronnie is a big guy and one good hit, or one solid fall, could have killed Mike and I wonder how MTV would have handled that.  What exactly needs to happen in order for them to cut Sammi from this show?  I love this show but this fight is a little much for even me.  They are courting disaster.

Single Ronnie is awesome, but both couple and single Sammi is useless, and she does not need to be on this show.  Something is going to cross the line eventually, it will be really bad, and I am willing to bet it will somehow be because of Sammi. Next week’s show looks sad, and while I know everyone is okay, MTV needs to dump Sammi and keep it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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