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Jersey Shore in Italy - Questo Trainwreck è Davvero Fantastico!

by Ilana Angel

August 4, 2011 | 9:29 pm

Doing it Italian style.

You know it’s summer when the kids of Jersey Shore show up.  By kids of course I mean everyone but the Situation, who I am sure is 40.  The gang is heading to Italy and it’s going to be fabulous.  I’m thinking there won’t be a lot of grenades walking the streets of Italia.

We start the show with everyone getting their passport pictures taken. Snooki lets us know that Europe is a huge country that consists of Britain, England and Italy.  Oh my, this is going to be fun.  Pauly is packing and very excited to have his international blow dryer accessories.

Deena is excited about the trip and is not going to do sex, but figure out the men, and then have sex.  Vinny is trying to learn Italian before the trip so he can pick up a traditional Italian girl.  I think it’s funny, and oddly sweet that these 20 something kids all still live at home. 

We meet Snooki’s new boyfriend Jionni.  They have been together for 6 months and he’s a little nervous about her escapades, but they promise each other to not hook up while she is away.  She does not know where Italy is, but it’s in the shape of a boot and she loves boots, so it’s all good.

Situation is getting his hair done and says he heard Snooki lost weight and lets us all know if the pounds are gone he will tap that.  Right.  If he has had his foot deformity repaired, maybe she will tap that.  JWoww is still with Roger and she looks fabulous, despite her massive boobs.

Ronnie is single and not putting up with any Sammi drama.  I give it a week until they hook up.  Sammi is saying she is healed and feeling good about being around Ronnie.  I give it less than a week.  They will be fighting, crying and begging before they even unpack their bags.

The 4 boys are flying together and the four women are going as a group. The race is on to get there because whoever arrives first gets the pick of the rooms.  The amount of luggage these people are taking is amazing, especially for Snooki. The smallest girl has packed like a maniac.

The boys connect in Spain and the girls stop in Germany.  They land in Italy and Snooki wants to make sure she gets some pesos.  Jenny has lost a can of bronzer.  Deena falls and hurts herself, and Sammi has forgotten to pack her personality.  Not a good start for the ladies.

The boys fly straight into Florence, but the girls go to Milan and need to take a bus.  The travel agents who put this together are brilliant.  You have got to love scripted, unscripted television.  I am saying it right now, so there is no confusion later when I’m drunk, I love this show.

Italy is truly a gorgeous country.  According to Pauly, it’s the most beautifullest country he has ever seen.  The boys arrive first and scope out the best rooms.  Their digs are spectacular and we are reminded how truly odd it is that this motley crew is given these opportunities.

Vinny is happy to find a bidet as it will come in handy on lonely nights should he not score with the ladies.  Speaking of ladies they arrive and everyone is reunited.  This is a cute little family and they are very entertaining.  It is brainless summer fun and I am so happy they are back.

The bodies on these 4 boys are insane.  Really, really beautiful. Jenny is smoking and the little ones are adorable.  I can’t find anything appealing about Sammi, but it’s early and it may come.  Deena is bunking with Pauly and Vinny.  The trip starts off with a shot of Limoncello.

They are all going out for the first night.  There is a moment of panic when the blow dryer blows out, but thank God it gets worked out.  They gather in the front room and as Ronnie is about to sit on the table, Pauly says it’s going to break, and bam it does.  And so the season begins.

They go out, walk around with their cameras and bodyguards. Mike wants to get it in with Snooki, but she’s got a boyfriend. Deena thinks it will never happen, but Mike thinks it will.  Sammi is drooling over Ronnie, and truth me told, from his neck to his waist, so am I.

They are going out to eat and the only girl that can drive is a stick is Snooki. No good can come of that.  The girls get lost and decide to go home.  They are sitting outside when all of a sudden pigeons attack them.  The best part is they actually start talking to the birds, telling them to stop.

Mike tells Ronnie that he slept with Snooki a couple of months ago, while she was with her boyfriend.  The bigger part of the story is now that he has seen her, he may be falling for her.  Really?  Are we supposed to believe this?  First show is kind of early to blow smoke Mike.

Everyone is slutted up and they head to the club.  The girls look good, the boys look better, and the debauchery begins.  Vinny is the only one that speaks any Italian, so whenever the guys want to talk to a chick, they need to go get Vinny.  It’s too funny.  They are getting hammered.

Mike starts hitting on Snooki and it’s gross.  By gross of course I mean that it proves Mike is a dirty old man who needs to back off the Snooks.  He knows she is in a relationship, so he is either lying, or outing her on camera, and that’s just sleazy.  How do you say schmuck in Italian?

We see a preview of the season and all I can say is Oh. My. God. The Italian-American community puts down this cast for not properly representing their culture, but by the looks of it, the Italians might not do such a good job either.  Love it or hate it, these people are keeping it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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