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Jewish Journal

Jersey Belle Double Recap of Reality Goodness

by Ilana Angel

August 19, 2014 | 1:34 pm

Tonight's typo's are generously brought to you by Merlot.

I love this show. More shocking than actually liking a reality show, I like the people on the show. Every. Single. One. There is not a dud in the bunch, and that makes for great TV. It has just begun so I reserve the right to change my mind, but right now it is perfect reality TV and that never happens.  I was on vacation last week so I'm double blogging the past two shows because I don’t want to miss a thing.

We start with Jaime at work. She is a publicist who has gone so long without a wax, she is officially a national forest. Hilarious. One of Jaime’s clients is Wayne Brady and he's hosting an event the same day as Arden’s wedding. Jaime feels bad but this is work and shit needs to get done. That she works as a publicist from Alabama for LA based celebs is interesting. She is either crazy or really good at her job,

Jaime has nothing to wear to Arden’s wedding, or gotten her a gift. She calls Danielle the southern beauty and is instructed to go shopping where Arden registered, not write her a check. I love how these women take Jaime with a grain of salt, judge her silently, and help her learn the southern way. This is a group of women who support each other, even in their differences, not break each other down. It is impressive.

Time to walk through wedding plans with Arden and her fiancé William. These two are attractive, but I’m guessing will be even better looking with age. They'll be a handsome couple when they’re in their seventies. They are people of privilege and are getting married on their estate with horses. Not my thing, but Mazel Tov to them. Let’s hope there is no horse poop to deal with. Arden is stressed Jaime won't make it.

Luci, the girl next door you want to be best friends with, has gone for lunch at Scarlett’s house. Scarlett is adorable and without saying a single word, is impossibly southern. Lucy is in love with her new boyfriend Jeff and hopes they marry. She had an unhappy marriage that lasted longer than it should have, has only been dating him 4 months, but is full speed ahead. Jaime thinks she needs to slow down and have “hotel sex”.

Hotel sex is an important relationship marker. One can get it on in a hotel in a way they can't at home, so I agree with Jaime. Luci needs to slow it down and find her inner porn star in a hotel, then think about forever with Jeff. I will also take this moment to say I am grateful to these southern women for making a cynical, judgmental, and occasionally bitter writer love her job again. We're friends in my head.

The ladies have gone wedding shopping for Arden. Jaime is hilarious in questioning why Arden needs so much china when it is her third wedding, and Luci is clearly desperate to be the bride. Jaime is going to break tradition and get Arden something sexy to wear as a gift, clearly mortifying the ladies. In the middle of the show I am now wondering how these southern belles are in bed, and if they have a freak number.

Luci has three kids she shares custody of. She is working and keeping it all together. I relate to her and having raised my son alone for 18 years, want to hug her, tell her it will get easier, then egg her ex-husbands house and have some wine across the street while watching him drive up to the house. Good times in Alabama! I do not doubt she loves Jeff, but I hope her choices are not made from desperation.

Cut to Jaime’s house, Arden is over and passes on coffee for something stronger. I love me some Arden. Her wedding is a few days away, rain is possible, and she is stressed. Arden is not sure if her mother-in-law to be is coming to the wedding. Really? Her son is getting married so that bitch better show. Sorry about the bitch. Too harsh? No. Arden lets Jaime know it doesn't matter how late she arrives but she must show.

Luci calls Jaime and says she needs to come over. Luci arrives in tears to say she and Jeff broke up. She is lovely and feeling very sad. She's trying to get to the happily ever after part of her story without reading the book. Poor girl. I've been where Luci is and she'll get through it. Jaime was the perfect friend. Jeff was not the one, and life will go on. There will be another frog soon enough.

Jaime is in LA, hoping to make it back in time for Arden’s reception. She is funny with her client’s and you see her in a different way when she is wheeling and dealing. She is still the same Jaime, but there is an easiness that comes through in her work and it is very appealing. The girl is funny. She is fast, unguarded, and uncaring about what anyone thinks of her. There are lessons to learn from Jaime.

Luci is visiting with Scarlett and Leigh Anne.  Leigh Anne is pretty. After being a single mom, has remarried. Luci says she's her inspiration. They’re talking about Arden’s wedding and Luci is trying to be happy, but sad about Jeff. Really? They dated a minute and I don't think her reaction is proportionate to the situation. She is sadder about being alone than losing Jeff, but I get it.

Sidebar: It is really amazing how much Jaime looks like Soleil Moon Frye. It is like watching Punky Brewster all grown up. I get a kick out of it because I loved Punky as a kid and admire Soleil as an adult. It really is an uncanny resemblance. Jaime has a lot of clients and they’re making little cameos on her show. Cute, important to see the full picture of her life, but the real compelling aspects, are all in Alabama.

Speaking of Alabama, Arden is finalizing her flowers with a florist, who happens to be Jaime’s mother-in-law. Arden is jealous and wishes her mother-in-law were more like Jaime’s, and Jaime is clear her mother-in-law likes Arden more. Just for the record, I couldn’t stand my mother-in-law. She was horrible to me and I know she looks at his 2nd wife and realizes now I was great. Whatever.

Jaime’s uterus is aching for a baby. Michael isn't interested, but she's going to try to get him on board. Good luck. She is shopping for presents for her kids, while the wedding is being set up back at home. It may rain and Arden needs to decide if she wants to have a tent. It will ruin her pictures so she is hoping to not have to use it. The location is spectacular and I hope rain holds off.

Arden decides to not have a tent. She buries a bottle of bourbon because apparently that will keep the rain away. A waste of booze if you ask me, but whatever. The wedding is 8 hours away, Jaime has left LA, and the race is on for her to get there on time. The rain has arrived and it is not being kind. It is pouring, they're eating in the mud, and I imagine wet horse poop doesn't smell good.

It is wedding time. Arden looks beautiful. Her mother-in-law has not yet arrived and Jaime has not yet taken off. Just as the wedding begins William’s mom arrives. The wedding is very serious and not particularly warm and fuzzy. Not sure if that is editing, or simply southern, but Jaime needs to hurry up and get there so she can Jersey up these people. No wedding reception is complete without a token Jew.

All the girls gather at Leigh Anne’s and head by limo to the reception. The limo looks a hundred years old, but they’re together and on the way. Danielle is a hoot and I love her. She is very proper and her reaction to what Jaime says is perfect. Jaime tastes the cake and notes she’s never eaten chocolate while smelling horseshit. I love Jaime. Luci is feeling sorry for herself as the couples start dancing.

Luci dances with a guy and it makes her happy. I need to sit down with Luci. She needs me. She also needs my foot in her ass. Arden leaves the wedding with William by helicopter and they go to Mexico. Back to real life, Jaime is with her family and polls her kids to see who wants her to have another baby. Jaime wants her fourth baby, while Danielle is desperate for her first.

My heart breaks for Danielle. I spent years trying to a have a baby so I feel for her. She is taking fertility drugs, trying acupuncture, and praying. I will pray for her too. We jump to ladie’s night andthe gals are out for drinks. Apparently southern women don’t masturbate. If they do, they don’t talk about it. Interesting and sad. Admission is the first step to recovery ladies. My name is Ilana and I masturbate. Amen.

Danielle explains she hasn't been feeling well and is anxious to have surgery to see what is going on. Danielle is positive and puts faith in God. Jaime is worried about her brave face and wonders if her happy attitude takes a toll. Jaime cries and tells Danielle she feels selfish for wanting another baby when Danielle is struggling. It is a lovely moment and I love Danielle and Jaime more.

Jaime and Michael are going for dinner and her plan is to push for a baby. She's scared to talk to him as the baby conversation is intimidating for her. She doesn’t want him to say no. Her last pregnancy was high risk so she is going to the doctor to see if this is possible. Michael reminds Jaime she pushed him to have a vasectomy. This feels very awkward and while I love the honesty, it feels too personal.

Listening to Michael discuss his wife’s behavior while hormonal shows us he is a lovely man. She is letting him have it, going back on things she said, trying to make him feel bad, and talking in circles. I love this couple. The dinner ends with no clarification on the baby. Jaime is now talking to her mom about another baby, and her mom suggests perhaps it not the best time for her to have another baby.

It is surgery day for Danielle. She is taking care of her dogs and I’m not sure why, but it makes me cry.  She is breaking my heart. I love her, her husband, and her faith.  Danielle’s surgery went great and they will try again to have a baby. I find myself clapping. I am clapping at a reality television show. This show is so freaking good. If you are not watching it, I insist that you do. I might to have more wine.

We are only three weeks in but invested in these people. Some we're just getting to know, and others we feel we know well. These are real people, dealing with real issues, and managing to be polite through it all. We have just begun but I’m anxious to confirm a second season. I need to know so I can safely invest! Jersey Belle is what we’ve been waiting for. Blogging it is a pleasure because they're keeping it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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