May 31, 2011 | 11:59 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
This week’s episode opens with a clear example of why Chris Harrison is not needed on this show. His one minute appearances are silly and the guys could read what he says off a television. Is Ashley so dumb that she needs Chris to tell her it is the final rose when there is clearly only one rose left?
William wins the first date in Vegas. He is a phone salesman and the sweetest thing ever. He genuinely seems to like her and is not taking any of the experiences for granted. I dig this guy and while he is a little emotionally young, he is a frontrunner for me.
Back at the house Jeff, the guy with the mask, continues to be creepy. It’s entertaining to be sure, but proof Mike Fleiss knows his show makes a mockery of love and is more train wreck than love story. That Jeff is on this show tells us Fleiss is no longer brilliant, just sleazy.
Back in Vegas William and Ashley are going to get married. It’s ridiculous and her fake laugh makes me want to cut myself. She is immature and getting on my nerves. Just as Ali before her, she is a fame whore and her talk of getting married at the end is crap. I’m not buying it.
William goes along for the ride and he is so sweet that I hope she dumps him so he can meet someone great. He says she is someone anyone would want to marry but the thing is, he knows nothing about her so how is he so sure? She is just a girl and that they all get sucked in is sad.
At the fake wedding Ashley says she can’t marry him because she has 17 men back at the house. William says it’s the best first date of his life and she agrees that it’s hers too. She said the same thing after her first date with Brad so I would not give it too much attention.
The next part of their date is spent having dinner in the fountains of the Bellagio Hotel. William tells Ashley that his dad died an alcoholic. He is open and honest and I loved him for putting it all out there. Ashley’s response is fake acting at it’s best. She is ridiculous.
Back at the house Jeff is ready to take off his mask and 12 men prepare for a group date in Las Vegas. Jeff is not selected for the first date so he will be in his mask a little longer. 5 men are left behind and back at dinner, Ashley gives William a rose and he is in for another week.
The group date is for the men to dance in a Vegas show. The men are split into two groups of 6 and they need to come up with a routine. One group stays in Vegas and the other group goes back to LA. The sexual innuendos about dancing are juvenile and Ashley is painfully bowlegged.
The men do their routines for the Jabbawockeez dance crew and it’s painful for us to watch 1 minute so I image they all needed to shower to get the stink off of them after the taping. Ashley dances with them and it’s so dumb. She is freakishly short and very annoying.
Six men go back to LA and the others get ready for their performance. Back at the house the remaining men are happy some of them have returned. The show is going on in Vegas and Ashley now has 7 men in masks trying to win her heart. She dances, the men drool.
Ashley meets with each of the six men for a few minutes. She talks to the dentist, fake laughs, and there is no chemistry. She talks to West and he tells her he killed his wife, I mean his wife died. Her reaction is painful as she tries to force tears that just don’t come.
Bentley is fabulous to watch and the best reason to tune in. He is a jackass and it’s fascinating. Ashley is different around him so it must be love. He likes him and he could care less and lets us al know he is not into her and only went on hoping to meet Emily.
When he saw Emily was not the Bachelorette he wanted to bail but he’s competitive and stayed. He says she has a rocking body but is not into her. Then, for reasons I do not understand, Ashley begs him to stay. Seriously begs and it’s gross. By gross I mean divine.
Ashley has one rose to give out on the group date and she gives it to Bentley. Is she kidding? Are they telling her who to pick to create great television or is she simply an idiot? I refuse to believe that she could not tell that he was just not that into her. She was even told he was not into her.
The next date is decided by a coin toss and it goes to Mickey, leaving JP at home. Mickey gets ready and Jeff the masked man is crushed that he was not given a date this week. He does not understand why he did not get chosen and does not appear to understand how creepy he is.
Mickey and Ashley are in Vegas and decide their entire day should be based on flipping a coin. He wins the toss and gets to ask her a question and asks her when the last time she cried was. Really? The Bachelorette is scripted and sadly it’s scripted by a monkey. I am so done.
Ashley and Mickey are having dinner and she is talking with her mouth full and constantly picking her teeth with her tongue. Mickey shares that his mother passed away and Ashley cannot keep her hands off of him yet she decides to flip a coin to see if he gets a rose. Blah, blah, blah.
Ashley talks about what a magical night they are having but they appear to have no chemistry together. He wants it to be his last first date ever which is fascinating because spending a lifetime with her laugh would make me want to kill myself. Mickey is gorgeous, but a clearly a little simple.
Back at the house it’s another cocktail party and JP steals her away quickly. He lost the date to a coin toss so he pulls out a coin and says they will flip for a kiss. He wins the coin toss and they start making out as she tells us she is not one to go in for a kiss. Right. That is very clear.
Nick gives her a line-dancing lesson and in the middle of their moment together, William the cell phone guy comes out to get her. Our little William is getting cocky and it’s funny. Nick refers to William as Ding Dong and the other men adopt the new nickname. William is in it to win it.
Jeff decides he is going to talk to Ashley and remove his mask. He tells her he had a brain hemorrhage at 29 and is lucky to be alive. His wife left him and it was a long road to recovery. It’s weird that he tells her he almost died and her first question is why did he get divorced?
It was incredibly rude and I almost felt bad for him. Almost because just as I thought I would have sympathy for him, I remembered how creepy he is. Matt interrupts them and Jeff’s mask removal is postponed. Jeff is a plant and if she keeps him it’s because she was instructed to.
Ben from New Orleans gets a minute and he is super sweet. She fake laughs, does the head tilt, and I want to smack her. Back with the other guys, William is bragging about his date and Bentley tells us he would rather swim in pee than plan a wedding with Ashley.
Oh. My. God. I freaking love watching this guy. Bentley the douchebag picks her up and carries her to the fireplace to make out. He kisses her, she falls in love, and he tells us the kiss sucked. She tells us she can trust him because he is so sincere and he could be the one for her.
She hands out her roses and surprise, surprise Jeff the masked man gets one. Are they kidding? We have made Mike Fleiss and his lackeys rich and he treats us like we are stupid. There is no way in hell she would have picked him to get a rose on her own. Simply no way in hell.
Harrison comes out to let us know that one single rose on the table all by itself is the final rose of the night. I want to scream it’s so stupid. Matt gets dumped and calls his mom. Stephen the hairdresser is out, as is Ryan M. who tells us Ashley lost out on a great guy. He should feel lucky.
In the promo for next week it looks like Bentley has enough and leaves the show, but not until he crushes her. I hope it’s just a tease and he is not leaving. I will watch because I’m paid to, but I want Bentley to stay in so there is someone entertaining to watch, so I’m keeping the faith.
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