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Celebrity Apprentice: What is that smell?

by Ilana Angel

April 27, 2012 | 9:27 pm

I’m sorry this took so long to get posted!  I watched the show last week and just did not have the energy to blog it because, quite frankly I find Aubrey and Lisa to be exhausting.  By exhausting of course I mean in the want to punch something way, not the great sex kind of way.  These chicks suck.

We start off with Lisa giving her winnings to her charity.  I love the charity part of this show but her hair ribbon is just too much for me and I’m skipping over it.  Happy they got the money, hope they get more, but I can barely listen to her without the lame ribbon so it’s not happening.

The task is assigned in Trump’s apartment.  I love this guy.  He says he rarely shows it to anyone.  Really?  We’ve all seen the apartment a dozen times.  It’s tacky and fabulous, but we’ve seen it.  The task is to launch Trump’s new fragrance for men, Success.  They are working with Macys.

Clay and Aubrey are going to be the project managers and the winner, if Trump loves the campaign, will get$100K.  If it sucks, they are only getting $20K.  It’s Clay, Penn, Lisa and Dayana against Aubrey, Teresa and Arsenio.  Clay is knocking Penn right off the bat.

Dayana offers to model for the campaign and Lisa is using every ounce of her being to not lose it.  Her jealousy is palpable.  Aubrey looks like a man.  An odd little man.  She starts bossing everyone and I am on my way to another headache.  I have wine so I shall trudge ahead.

The executives from Macys and the Trump organization visit the teams and Clay is respectful and charming, Aubrey is a bulldozer who does not care about what the executive are saying, and is so in love with her own voice she just keeps talking, but is not making any sense.  She is a loser.

Penn did not want to be the project manager, yet he has all the ideas.  It makes no sense that he did not want to lead.  With the game half over and the charity money up for grabs, it was lame that he did not take the job.  It is a predictable clue that he will be the one sent home this week.

Clay is annoyed with Penn, Penn is cocky, Lisa is bitchy and Dayana is gorgeous.  Chicks don’t do it for me, but Dear Lord she is spectacular looking.  Over with Aubrey, she is doing her own thing, not listening to anyone, and being bossy.  Who the hell is this girl?  I want her gone.

While taking pictures of the New York City skyline, we learn Aubrey wears Spanx, and that even though Arsenio thinks she is a skanky whore, he would still sleep with her.  Men are pigs.  I would give anything for this show to cut out all the recapping and go down to an hour.  Anything!

Aubrey is on the phone with Eric Trump and calls him “babe”, which was gross.  She is bulldozing through the task and I am clicking the mute button on occasion which make her much more tolerable.  She sends off Arsenio and Teresa so she can be alone and not deal with them.

Clay is unable to make a decision and keeps changing his mind, which is probably because he is unable to focus with all the hair color seeping into his scalp.  The best part of this show is the commercials for America’s got Talent with Howard Stern.  I love Howard and can’t wait for that.

Dayana is modeling with a gorgeous man and Clay is salivating over him.  She then says she hopes Lisa is not trying to break her peanuts, which made me spit out really good wine.  She meant bust her balls, but this was more charming.  I wonder if Clay got a date with the model.

Eric Trump stops by to check on the team and the only one there is Aubrey. She throws her team under the bus while flirting.  I think it was flirting.  She sucks at it, he is not buying into her charms, and even calls her on how unsupportive she is of her team.  Aubrey is a pig.

Dayana comes up with the idea that they should have a take away for the display and Clay says there is no time, which means that their not having a take away will be one of things that reflects badly on them.  Arsenio comes up with a great idea and Aubrey is pissed off that it was not hers.

Aubrey is doing everything, which makes Arsenio sit back and think out how he will throw her under the bus in the boardroom. Teresa, in her heals and super tight skirt, is painting and running and getting it done.  She is a rock star on this show and I’d like to see her in the finals.

Lisa goes next door to sneak a look at the display of the other team and it’s just lame.  This show is dragged out so much with useless things that I find myself getting more resentful every week that it is two hours long. Thankfully I have mastered the art of making a mojito, so whatever.

Aubrey wears the make up of a hooker/show girl in Vegas.  She then calls herself a mini Trump.  Really?  I am watching them view their completed displays for the first time and I’m done.  I am fast forwarding over this part.  I could be missing something great, but probably not.

Important to note I am at the 1 hour mark and am bored with blogging it.  This proves my point that it should only be an hour long.  Aubrey is presenting their project and it makes me want to hurl.  Her voice makes my lower back hurt and my left arm is tingly.

Teresa is adorable during the presentation.  Love her.  Aubrey calls the smell strip a keepsake and now I’m laughing.  She is a moron.  They finish and Arsenio says on the count of three to say Unanimous.  Turns out nobody on this team can count which once again make me spit up wine.

Clay does their presentation and tanks.  He is not articulate, cool, or interesting.  He asks his team to help him out and nobody says a thing.  They are all so calculated.  They are quiet so if the presentation is why they lose they are not responsible.  So freaking predictable.

I am now being asked to sit through a 45 minute boardroom.  Not happening.  They are looking at each others work and I’m now officially bored.  Aubrey is flirting with the Trumps but she looks dirty so nobody is taking it seriously. She is unfortunate looking.

Arsenio says he came up with the quote for their presentation and Aubrey says it was her.  Blah. Blah. Blah.  Aubrey came up with it, and it happened to also be a quote from Trump. Arsenio did nothing on this task and he is grasping at straws to stay alive.

Trump announces neither of the displays was worth $100K so instead he gives $40K to the winner, which is Aubrey.  He then gives all the other players $10K for their charities.  Aubrey screams in delight and we get an insight into her bedroom life, which is shrill and not sexy.

Clay is defending himself, Lisa and Dayana are quiet, and as we suspected early on, Penn is going home. The boardroom is boring without Aubrey and Arsenio fighting.  I like Penn and thought he was smart, but he was an outsider from the beginning so no big surprises here.

I wonder if Trump smells like money.  I find him oddly attractive and am curious how he is in bed.  Does anyone else think about that?  Trump thinks it may be time to fire Dayana and it looks like next week he might.  I’m watching, but it’s getting hard.  Trump is fun, but not keeping it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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