September 17, 2012 | 9:40 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
As we crawl to the finish of this insane season, we are reminded this week that this show has had an agenda from the beginning. I appreciate everyone views the show differently, and 10 people will have 10 different opinions, but if you can look me in the eye and tell me that you seriously don’t think Teresa is being ambushed at every turn, I will call you a liar.
By liar of course I mean I would never call you a liar, but I would think you have some kind of mental issue. By mental issue of course I mean I would assume you have been drinking BLK. water and it has damaged your brain. It would be sad, but to be expected. If you are dumb enough to drink BLK. water you are clearly mentally challenged.
Melissa is getting ready to go to a meeting with a record label and is concerned that she look sexy for the guy she is meeting. Good for her. If a music guy wants to talk to her he is clearly deaf, so it makes sense she dresses nice because his sight is probably super good to compensate. While she preps for the meeting she gets a call from Kim D.
It’s time for the Posche Fashion Show, which makes me cringe. I am not a fan of Kim D and believe no good can come of this. Melissa calls Kim out on talking smack about her husband and Kim apologizes. Kim is totally calculated, but Melissa is not going to give up the chance to go to the fashion show. Melissa thinks she was invited because of her celebrity.
Melissa cracks me up. In the end I think she is harmless. She honestly seems to live in a little world where she is famous, talented, and everyone loves her. I find it a little sad, but also entertaining. We will never know the truth about her because this is Bravo, but it is pretty clear her entire mission was fame, no matter who it hurt in her family.
Over at Teresa’s house, she is giving an Italian lesson to her kids. Tre’s kids are fabulous and they need their own show. Milania is perfect TV, Gabriella seems to be trapped in the wrong family, Audrianna is divine, and Gia is a grown up in a child’s body. Teresa and Joe are entertaining and if they don’t get their own show then Bravo is clearly drinking Blk.
Kim goes to Teresa and tells her she does not want her in the fashion show, but wants her to attend. Kim tells her she invited all the women and Teresa agrees to go. She teaches us how to say “you are dead to me” in broken Italian, and I’m left wondering exactly how stupid Bravo thinks the viewers are. We are actually laughing at you Bravo. Know that.
Over at Albie and Christopher’s place, Albie’s "girlfriend" Lindsay is making breakfast for Caroline, Albert and Lauren. Nothing about this family is appealing. They are all nasty, mean and ridiculous. Caroline walks in and immediately slams the smell, and Lindsay is left wondering if her 15 minutes of fame is worth having to deal with Caroline. I’m guessing no.
Caroline is talking about how great all her kids are doing and I’m laughing. None of them appear to be doing that great, are funded by the family, and it’s lame. Caroline is excited to retire with Albert and he says he is wondering about what will happen when he finally does retire and discovers the woman he has been married to for years might actually a bitch. Might?
Oy vey! I could go on and on about that comment, but why bother? I don’t know these people and it’s none of my business, but I will say this: editing can’t be blamed for making Caroline look as bad as she does. She is simply nasty, bitter, and angry. She is out of touch with her husband and grasping onto her kids because they are all she has.
Kathy, who may be the most boring woman in America, is at a meeting for her dessert company. She is working hard to make something happen and her moronic husband is crapping all over her meeting. Why the hell does she not leave him at home? This man is disgusting and if they bring them back it will be another reason why many of us will no longer watch.
Melissa and Joe go to her music meeting and it is freaking hilarious. Melissa makes dumb jokes, Joe is all business about his wife and the fact that she is a true artist, and the guys she is talking to are embarrassing themselves. Melissa is dreaming about her E! True Hollywood Story and the whole thing is oddly sweet. I find Melissa’s delusions to be charming.
Jacqueline and Caroline go to see Kim about the fashion show and I’m bored. Caroline is complaining about being fat, Jacqueline has nothing to say, and Kim is starting up with the crap again. Kim is an idiot for allowing Bravo to use her in this way. I’m sure she is lovely is real life, but she is manipulated here to be horrible. (I’m not sure about the lovely part.)
Teresa invites Jac and Melissa over for a play date/lunch with the kids. Teresa tells Jac she is making chicken nuggets, and is actually making them fresh herself, which I thought was awesome. Jac goes off to sulk by herself and it’s gross. Jac is painfully immature and acts like a teenager. It was silly of her to go over at all, but I guess she wanted camera time.
Caroline takes Lauren to her new store and I could care less. They sank a small fortune into her starting a booth at a salon last year and she closed it down one day after her opening. Now they are giving her an entire store? This family has got to get off of this show. They are pathetic and we are not interested in them other than to have a good laugh.
Sidebar: I feel a little bad for Caroline. When she talks about Lauren needing a little help and her not realizing how fabulous she is, we are reminded that she loves her kids and we once all really liked her. She has become an ugly version of herself and it’s too bad. She was great in the beginning, but has managed to replace all the good with bad.
Jac has a conversation online with Ashlee in Los Angeles and it’s truly sad. She talks to her kid like she is a stranger, and her kid could care less about her mom. Ashlee is clearly a mess and Jac is clearly in denial about it. We’re now at the salon for Kim and Teresa to get hair and makeup done for the fashion show, and yet another ambush of Teresa starts.
Teresa tells the camera she does hair and make up at home, so why go with Kim? She walks into the salon like it’s her first time, but we know she is friends with John and Penny the owners. Kim is salivating at the fact that the PR guy for the salon calls Melissa out as a stripper. Does he even really work there? It all seems fake and scripted for drama.
It is important to note that while I think Teresa is being set up here, it could also be argued that it is actually Melissa being set up. It was shot a year ago and we will never know the truth, so whatever side you are on, remember it is just a TV show and we have no idea what happened. If you want to pick a side, then view it as a soap opera, not reality.
Kim is talking crap about Melissa, and Teresa wants nothing to do with it. She tells the fake salon guy that she does not want to talk about her family, and Kim keeps pushing him. Teresa walks out of the room to avoid being put in a bad position, and Kim is relentless. Kim is a housewife wannabe and it is unfortunate that Bravo chose to include her in this way.
Everyone arrives at the fashion show and it’s stupid. They are all sitting together even though they hate each other. Penny and John from the salon are there and you have to wonder why Bravo does not include them more. They have a front row seat to the truth, yet we never get to hear from them. Something is not kosher in New Jersey people.
The fake salon guy comes over and reminds Melissa that he knows her from her stripping days and it is so scripted I want to scream. I have had 2 glasses of wine and it’s just not enough. Next week is the season finale and all hell is going to break loose. I am exhausted by this show and feel like I am being lied to by everyone involved with filming.
I’m ready for it to be over and at the end of the day I feel bad for everyone. Bravo has painted a dark picture and I don’t think any of them can say it was worth it. The season will end, we will all pick a side, we will get few answers at the reunion, and we will be left unsatisfied and wondering if anyone at Bravo is capable of keeping it real.
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12.10.13 at 8:55 am | Carlton can stay, Joyce should go.
12.8.13 at 9:55 pm | Momma Joyce is all kinds of crazy.
12.7.13 at 8:49 am | What the hell is Bravo giving us?
12.7.13 at 7:29 am | I'm not going to lie, these women and the men. . .
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire.
12.2.13 at 7:09 pm | Second week in a row of boring television.
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire. (3432)
12.10.13 at 8:55 am | Carlton can stay, Joyce should go. (3212)
12.7.13 at 8:49 am | What the hell is Bravo giving us? (1544)