June 9, 2013 | 2:40 pm

A Conversation with Chanel Omari, Princess of Long Island

Posted by Ilana Angel

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Chanel Omari is a 28 year old Modern Orthodox woman from Long Island. I spent some time talking with her last week and I can tell you she is a truly remarkable woman.  When I think about my son meeting a nice Jewish girl, I’d like it to be someone like Chanel.  She possesses all the qualities a mother would want for her son, except for one little thing.  She is currently starring on what may possibly be the most offensive reality TV show ever.

Chanel is one of the women featured on Bravo’s Princesses Long Island.  It is a horrific depiction of what it means to be a Jewish woman.  If you take all the stereotypes of Jewish women, and then multiply by 10, you will be close to how these women are depicted. By depicted of course I mean how they really are. They are obnoxious, ignorant, stupid, and selfish.  Because they are all these things, Chanel sticks out like a ray of sunshine in an otherwise dark hour of TV.

Chanel should have her own show, as her life is interesting without the baggage of her ridiculous friends.  Important to note that the show has only aired one episode so it is possible I will change my opinion. Possible in the same way pigs may become kosher and I will marry George Clooney. This blog is not about the Princesses Long Island train wreck, but rather about Chanel. I am proud of her, have an honest affection for her, and I hope she survives this show without getting pulled over to the dark side.

Chanel was raised in Long Island, went to day school, and attended Northeastern University where she studied broadcast journalism. She has a wonderful family and is particularly close to her dad.  They are best friends and he has encouraged her to be herself, live a full life, and find joy in embracing her faith.  To hear Chanel speak of what it means to be Jewish, is touching.  Her Jewish values are embedded in her core and I was inspired her generosity of spirit.

Chanel would like to meet a wonderful man and get married.  At 28 she feels the pressure of her family and community to get married, but she wants to makes sure she knows who she is first.  She is not prepared to become half of a whole, without first knowing who her half is.  She is finding herself, seeing the world, and ensuring her worldview has a far reaching arc that includes views and opinions beyond Long Island, and also beyond her faith.  She is lovely and wise.

She has managed to navigate through a secular world while leading a religious life.  She has spent a lot of time explaining her faith to those outside her circle, without fear of judgment.  I found her to be brave, and in the world of stale reality TV, something fresh.The Jews cast on reality TV are always just a little off.  Strange, rude, pretentious, or simply creepy, much like the entire cast of Princesses Long Island, except for Chanel.  Finally a normal Jew.  For now.

Chanel says that as a Jew it is her responsibility to live in a way that makes God happy.  She says there are many silver linings to being Jewish, which I thought was a wonderful thing.  She has been taught to pick herself up when she falls, and knows she can take comfort in knowing that God supports her and does not judge.  Mistakes will be made, and she knows that with mistakes comes learning.  I think she would make a great and inspiring Rabbi.

During the first episode of Princesses, one of Chanel’s friends, who knows she keeps kosher, invited her over for a BBQ.  The friends father, also Jewish, made a mockery of kosher food, saying a fake prayer and serving it to Chanel, knowing she is kosher.  It made me cry.  I thought it was hurtful and I was amazed that in a world where so many disrespect faith, to have one of my own do it made me very sad.  It was one of the reasons I wrote such a scathing review.

Chanel was shocked when she saw the episode. It was a perfect example of the struggles of living a religiously observant life in a secular world.  She said God forgave her and so how could she not forgive?  She is responsible for being kosher and said the blame was hers for not checking to see if the meat was in fact kosher. She was gracious, where I was offended and heartbroken. She is the kind of Jew I strive to be, and often fall short of.

Chanel believes in forgiveness and wants to be the best person she can be, which makes her the best Jew she can be. She has been raised to leave the world in better shape than when she arrived, and credits her parents for loving her with an open mind. She lives at home at 28, but she works, supports herself, and considers being home a blessing.  She is also quick to defend the show and the unappealing friends that share the spotlight.  

Chanel told me the girls are funny and we need to keep watching to really see who they are.  I will continue to watch and blog because I just can’t let this one go, but also because I think there are lessons to be learned from this girl, and I hope Bravo allows them to shine through.  If Bravo manages to turn this girl into a caricature of a spoiled Jewish princess I will be sad.  By sad of course I mean totally pissed off. Bravo needs to cut Jews a break.

I asked Chanel to give me three words to describe herself and she chose funny, soulful, and down to earth. I would use authentic, beautiful, and gracious.  She is open to teaching and learning. She is modest, kind, funny, smart, and honest.  To her parents, I would say you have raised a wonderful young woman. I am so proud to have her represent our faith, and my fingers are crossed this show does not show her in a different light. Bravo to you both.

I will be back tonight to blog Princesses Long Island and I can tell you it is not going to be pretty.  Chanel thinks if we can stick it out we will learn a lot and perhaps be surprised that in the end we like them all.  I find that to be highly unlikely, but bless Chanel for being so sweet.  I cannot recommend you watch this show, but I can tell you Chanel is worth your time.  In a sea of unappealing Jewish freaks, Chanel Omari is brilliant at keeping it real.

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June 5, 2013 | 10:32 pm

LeAnn Rimes Lawsuit Against Teacher Thrown Out

Posted by Ilana Angel

I am happy to be the very first person to share with you all that the lawsuit LeAnn Rimes filed against Kim and Lexi Smiley has been thrown out, and LeAnn has 20 days to re-file should she want to continue with the case. I hope someone who truly cares about Ms. Rimes will advise her to save her money and walk away, as no good will come from re-filing.

While it is far from over, this is a huge victory for the Smiley family. Kim and Lexi have been gracious, kind, loving, and united during the nightmare of this situation. I have spoken with them, donated to their legal fund, followed them on Twitter, and have gained admiration for them as women, and respect for the countless strangers who support them.

I have written about LeAnn Rimes and this lawsuit a lot in recent weeks and I know LeAnn reads my blogs. She occasionally talks about them, and me, on Twitter, and I know she will see this, so please allow me to address her directly.  

Ms. Rimes, 

I think you are a beautiful singer and while I will not buy your new record, I crank up your old ones when they come on my radio and sing along. Your entire life has led to this moment and how you move forward from here will define who you are as an adult. You can choose to be kind and decent, which will change the legacy you are creating for yourself.

There will always be haters, and people who will not forget or forgive the path you took to reach love, but I can speak for myself when I tell you I will change my opinion. I will respect your choice to stop the madness, and ultimately respect you for putting your ego and pride away, making a conscious decision to be decent, and give peace to a family.

Nobody can say for certain whether you will win the case or not, and while I don't think you will win, what is certain, is continuing will financially devistate a family and that is not right.  This remarkable family has dedicated themselves to helping special needs children and to put that in jeopardy because you are blessed financially, is mean spirited and selfish.

I am a woman of faith and I believe in God. My God does not judge, shun, or hold a grudge. My God forgives, embraces, and offers light down a better path. Instead of listening to your lawyer, who is laughing all the way to the bank, listen to your heart, your faith, your past, and the part of your self that is tired and ready to stop fighting a silly battle.

There are no guarantees in life, and most things are out of our control, but being kind is something we have complete power over. I am learning this lesson myself, and it is hard. I like a good battle, and I will always fight for my voice to be heard, but sometimes the most powerful change comes when we stop screaming to be heard, and instead listen quietly.

Human beings can be mean to each other. Women in particular can be vicious to each other. LeAnn, walking away from the lawsuit may not change anything in terms of how you are perceived, but as the Talmud teaches, when you save one life it is as if you saved the entire world, so stopping the case saves Kim Smiley, which saves her world.

You have 20 days to decide what what you want to do and I hope you do the right thing. It is time to stop telling us how great your life is, and start living a great life without this cloud hanging over your head.  LeAnn, as a woman, a mother, and someone searching for her own great love, listen to me. Be brave, be strong, walk away, and keep the faith.

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June 3, 2013 | 11:03 pm

The Bachelorette Double Recap

Posted by Ilana Angel

It is that time of year again where you can spend two hours a week crawling out of your own skin while you try to cut out your own eyeballs with dull scissors.  Yes people, the Bachelorette is back, and she is as annoying as ever. Desiree, who got dumped by Sean because her brother was a douchebag, is back, in the driver’s seat, and looking for love.  Fake TV love.

The season starts with a recap of what is coming up.  Lame.  These men are hideous, Desiree is harmless but annoying, and the entire season will be built around her humble beginnings and shock at living with such extravagances. There will be lots of fake tears, borrowed clothes, unrealistic dates, gorgeous abs, and enough schmaltz to make us sick, but keep us watching.

In the first minute of Desiree telling us about her search for love she is crying and talking about how she came from nothing.  Dear God.  Des has grown out her bangs, which is a shame because they were cute.  Important to note that Chris Harrison has colored his hair dark and he looks ridiculous. He is too old to be hosting this show, and he now looks like a pervert.

Harrison does an interview with Des outside and he is squinting so bad that it looks like his eyes are actually closed.  He is nodding in agreement with everything she says, which is stupid. She feels like Cinderella, Prince Charming is coming, and she will be wearing a white dress.  Poor Des.  She is adorable.  She’s also dumb because this show never works.

I like Des and I want her to be happy.  The problem is I like her now, but by the end of the season, after she has made a proper fool out of herself, I won’t care about her anymore.  That is what this show does to people.  It makes them unlikeable.  It’s time to meet the 25 men who have come to get famous.  Of those 25, maybe 1 or 2 are real, and they’ll be cut.

If these guys are 25 of “the most eligible bachelors in the United States”, single women should move.  By move of course I mean that they should just start dating chicks.  This show makes me crazy, but I am watching it with my full attention and I am ashamed.  Why am I watching?  Because I am paid to! Let’s go with that shall we? Here come the creepy men.

Bryden: War vet, never going to happen.
Will: Banker, never going to happen.
Drew: Digital Marketing, playing the sympathy card, could work.
Nick R.: Tailor and magician, never going to happen.
ZaK W: Engineer, naked, never going to happen.
Robert: Entrepreneur, he is one of my top picks.
Mike: Dental student, never going to happen.
Brandon: Painter, playing the sympathy card, never going to happen.
Brooks: Marketing Consultant, never going to happen.
Brad: Accountant, never going to happen.
Michael G.: Federal Prosecutor, I like him a little bit.
Kasey: Advertising Executive, #nevergoingtohappen.
Mikey T.: Plumber, does he have a lazy eye? Never going to happen.
Jonathan: Lawyer, total douchebag, never going to happen.
James: Advertising, He’s loyal and I like him.
Larry: ER Doctor, horrible dancer, never going to happen.
Zack K.: Publisher, never going to happen.
Diogo: Ski Resort Manager, Knight, never going to happen.
Chris: Mortgage Broker, cheesy, but has a shot.
Juan Pablo: Soccer Player, never going to happen, but he should call me.
Brian: Financial Advisor, never going to happen.
Micah: Law Student, I love this kid.
Nick M.: Investment Advisor and poet, never going to happen.
Dan: Beer Salesman, super hot, might have a shot.
Ben: Entrepreneur and single dad, I love him, top pick.

We are one hour in and I’m ready to be done.  Desiree’s sing song voice is starting to irritate me.  I wonder if she wears contacts because she is having a blinking thing.  I like her. Bless her for doing this and putting herself out there to be mocked by bloggers.  In certain shots I think she looks like she could be a Charlie’s Angel. She is a beautiful girl.

Nick the magician is lame, and too short for her, but Brandon swoops in and uses his mom’s sober chip to win favor and made my heart flutter.  To be clear, he is creepy as hell.  Single dad Ben gets the first rose of the night, firmly placing a target on his back.  The naked guy jumps in the pool, he is a freak but she gives his a rose. Clearly forced by the producers.

Bryden throws in a war story and gets a rose.  Juan Pablo can do and say whatever he wants. He is sexy as hell. Drew is staring at her boobs and while super feminine, cute.  He gets a rose. Larry the ER Doctor is a hot mess and if he gets a rose I will have to do a shot of tequila and I am already smashed, so it will not be good.  Des is a lovely girl. Bless her.

Jonathon is the creepiest man to ever be on this show.  More than tattoo getting Kasey, this guy is a freak.  He wants to get her alone in the fantasy suite and the first one to get a kiss on the mouth.  He wants to skin her alive and cook her for dinner.  This guy needs to go home.  By go home of course I mean that he needs to be on meds. Des is not digging him.

Jonathon goes to the fantasy suite on his own, then gives a real housewives speech about his love tank.  Dear Lord.  He takes her away again and Des is now officially over him.  She tells him she is uncomfortable and asks him to go home.  Watching these men get all insecure and nervous gives me joy, but not enough to stop my drinking. This show will kill my liver.

It is rose ceremony time.  The men who continue are: Bryden, Ben, Brandon, Zack K., Will, Zach W., Brooks, Juan Pablo, Brad, Kasey, James, Robert, Brian, Dan, Chris, and Mikey T. That is 6 mean and I could be missing one but I am now drunk, exhausted, annoyed, and wishing I had blogged this last week so I was not having to watch 4 hours today.  Oh. My. God.

There is a lot of recapping on this show.  We are not stupid, except for the part where we watch this show, so the recapping is too much.  It’s time for the first date of the season and it is a one-on-one date for Brooks. Interesting choice.  I don’t like this kid, and I say kid because he seems very immature.  Frontrunner Ben is being a schmuck, which is not cute.

The first date is trying on tuxes and wedding dresses.  Really?  I’m bored. They go up to the Hollywood sign and hang out in their wedding clothes.  I can’t do it.  I am not going to be able to blog this every week.  I am getting a cavity as I write this from all the sugary sweet crap.  As for Brooks, he is cute, seems like a nice guy, but he is not going to be the winner.

Brooks gets a kiss, and a rose, and the most perfect dinner location ever.  I think we are done and then Brooks goes on and on about his divorced parents.  He reminds me of Ace from American Idol.  It’s concert time and I am hammered.  Not because it is a nice feeling, but because it numbs the pain of this show.  I cannot blog the whole season people.

It is group date time and they are going to shoot a rap video with Soldier Boy.  The men make fools of themselves, Soldier Boy is making money, and I am not watching these men make a rap video.  I am skipping over the entire thing, knowing I might possibly miss something great, but guaranteeing that I will not see something that will make me vomit.  Good call.

It’s booze time with the group of men.  Naked Zak gives her an antique journal with a random message in it that I am guessing he wrote himself.  Great gift and I was impressed.  Even if it was a hoax, it is still romantic and wonderful. I hate it that I love him.   Ben is aggressive, and steels Des from lazy eye. Nobody likes Ben, which means he may be the winner.

Ben is using his son for brownie points and goes in for the kiss.  Brandon watches them kiss and starts to cry.  Oh. My. God.  I want to jump out my window.  Michael G. is having a visit with her and I like him more this week than last week.  In his attempt to let her know he will be honest and true, he moves into the friend zone.  Poor guy. Lazy eye bugs me.

Mikey T. approaches Ben and tells him he bugs him.  He is now a high school mean girl.  Ben defuses the situation and back at the house there are four men who have not been on a date, but it is a one-on-one card so some are out of luck.  Iraq war vet Bryden is the winner.  Brandon is crying and talking about how hard his childhood was and I am not digging it.

It is a compelling story but he is wounded and scared and he needs to go home. He is creeping me out.  He probably cries during sex and that is just not attractive.  Time to give out the one rose of the group date and it goes to Ben.  He is not liked by the men and it is fascinating to watch men behave like women. Ben better not be an asshole. Better not Ben!

Sidebar:  My son just walked into the room and listened to Brandon tell the story of his childhood and he started laughing   He said this show is garbage and the story did not make him like the guy, but rather want to punch him in the mouth.  Agreed.  The romantic heart gets fed a little bit with the show, and the bullshit meter is sent into overdrive.  Needs balance.

Bryden and Des are going on a road trip.  She says she is like California in that there is a lot to explore.  What? I am a sucker for anyone in the armed forces and I love this guy. I didn’t think he stood a chance last week, but he is now one of my favorites.  He is a good man and I love him.  Important to note that I am drunk and we are only on episode number 2.

Bryden speaks of an accident he had and it is amazing that he is even alive. I think he is sweet and while I still believe he is broken and wounded emotionally, he is a remarkable man and a new frontrunner.  He is not winning, but he gets a rose and lives on another day.  The date can’t end without some hot tub time and an awkward but cute first kiss.

At the cocktail party, Michael G. takes Des off and tells her he is a diabetic.  He is in the middle of an important story and Ben shows up to steel her, and he has a rose.  Ben is becoming less cute, more creepy.  The men are now all acting like women and it is my favorite part. Brian takes her off for a chat and I like him. He reminds me of Vince Vaughn for some reason.

He broke up with his last relationship only a couple of months ago.  Shot himself in the foot with that information.  He also has a weird eye thing happening.  I’m noticing that Des talks over the guys a lot.  She needs to stop doing that.  I think I will not blog this show again until the hometown dates.  I will watch, but blogging is just too much.

Time for the rose ceremony and the ones that are safe:  Ben, Brooks, Bryden, James, Kasey, Dan, Juan Pablo, Brad, Chris, Brian, Zach W., Drew, Mikey, Zach, Michael, and Brandon.  Going home is Will, Robert, and Nick M. When I said I was not blogging this anymore it was before we saw a girlfriend comes to the house next week. I’m in for one more week.

This show gives me a headache and I would like it much more if it was only an hour long.  Drinking for two hours is not good.  I am amazed that this show is still on, and even more shocked that I am still watching.  If it weren’t for the emails from my reader Tim guilting me into it, I’d be done.  In the end I am a romantic and fall for them knowing they are not keeping it real.

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June 3, 2013 | 7:30 pm

Real Housewives of Orange County Whore Trip

Posted by Ilana Angel

Before we even get started on this week, I wonder why it is that the ladies are going on a bachelorette party trip when last week we were not even sure there was going to be a wedding?  This show is shady, Tamra is an idiot, and I started drinking 30 minutes ago so it is going to be a painfully long hour. My liver is pissed at me yet I continue to drink. Here we go.

Lydia is visiting with Tamra for a scripted chat so they can talk about Alexis. I like Lydia, love her mom, and think it is unfortunate that they are going to sucked into the crapfest that is RHOC. By the end of the season she will either be a hero or just another skank.  I really hope she survives.  At least long enough for me to have a drink and smoke with her Momma!

Tamra says she thought about Alexis and felt bad for her and wants to be the better person.  Translation:  If I cannot get on board with these losers and get the fans to like me again, I will never get a wedding special.  Tamra is a snake, incapable of an honest moment, and is milking her past to get the wedding special, which we know she did.

Gretchen and Heather are buying a bathing suit for Tamra for the trip to Mexico for the bachelorette party.  Heather wants it to be a classy trip, and Gretchen wants strippers.  Gretchen is a pig and try as she might t be a lady, Heather is starting to take on the characteristics of a pig also.  There is absolutely nothing appealing about these women, yet I watch.

Gretchen wants us to know she is in the fashion industry and designs things, so she should design the bathing suit for Tamra, not Heather.  Have you seen her handbags?  Hideous.  Alexis is out for a drink with Vicki because Vicki is the only person who will shoot with her, except for Lydia, who is probably contractually obligated.  Vicki invites Alexis to Mexico.

Really?  Vicki is a hot mess.  Alexis tells Vicki Tamra called her and invited her out for lunch.  Alexis makes me itchy, Vicki makes me want to drink, and Tamra makes me feel no compassion for whores.  I might not make it though people.  Lauri is back talking smack and I want to smack her.  There was no need to bring her back except that everyone hates everyone.

Lauri is there to try to bring life back into this show.  Newsflash Bravo, you can’t bring a show back to life by inviting back the dead.  Lauri is dead in the eyes and is so deformed by fillers that she is disgusting to look at, and takes the edge off by margarita.  I drink to be able to look at them, then drink more to be able to listen to them. God help me.

Alexis and Lydia are meeting Tamra. Blah, blah, blah. Lydia is cute, Alexis is beautiful, and Tamra is constipated.  Important to note that Alexis has the fingernails on both hands painted different colors and it looks dumb.  Alexis cries, Tamra tells Alexis she is a human being and wants to break the cycle of hurt.  I am laughing at them.  Seriously laughing out loud.

Gretchen is visiting with Lauri and it is beyond stupid.  Lauri needs the money and when someone keeps telling you how happy they are, chances are they are not as happy as they would like you to think. Lauri slept with Slade, which is just gross to me, yet Gretchen does not seem to mind.  That is Gretchen’s inner whore shining through. A whore does not judge.

Gretchen is bitching about Vicki and Lauri is jumping right in. Lauri tells Gretchen that Vicki is a cheater, slept with men and women while married, and then Lauri tells us over and over how she knows a lot of stuff about Vicki.  I don’t believe her and more importantly, I don’t care.  Lauri is a moron, Gretchen is mentally challenged, and I want to hit something.

Lauri then says she is mad at Vicki and has a vendetta against her.  There you go.  Lauri is there to hurt Vicki and it is embarrassing.  Shame on Bravo for not only showing this crap, but encouraging it.  Gretchen wants to tell the world Vicki is a whore, but doesn’t need to because the cameras were rolling you dumbass.  These women make me sick. 

Heather and Terry are talking about the Mexico trip and Heather has never seen a stripper.  Lydia has never seen a stripper either.  Gretchen has seen a stripper, probably done a stripper, and probably was a stripper.  Gretchen is talking smack about Vicki to Slade, Tamra is packing, not knowing where they are going.  I feel the need to share that I truly hate this show.

They are off to the airport and both Vicki and Gretchen have come packing penises.   Tamra arrives and she is all about a wild time for a wedding that her fiancé has not fully committed to yet.  Sidebar:  I think about her young children and feel bad for them.  Their mother is making a fool of herself and humiliating them in a way that I simply do not understand.

Lydia is mortified by the penises and reminds us that they are all pillars of the community.  Really?  It would appear that Lydia has been smoking some of her mom’s weed.  Pillars my ass.  They are at dinner at a pretentious restaurant that does not serve chips and salsa.  This is the most boring bachelorette dinner I have ever seen and I am cringing.

Sidebar: Gretchen is truly disgusting.  Truly.  Heather picked a dud for dinner, Gretchen is chomping at the bit to out Vicki’s sexual escapades, and I am officially hammered, which normally would be good, but I still have to blog 2 hours of The Bachelorette so it is going to be a long night. I need to drink slower or drink more.  Hard to say what would be better.

Vicki, Tamra, and Lydia blow off Gretchen and Heather and go for a drink, which pisses of Gretchen and makes her tell Heather about all the crap from Lauri.  I’m so done.  Next week it gets raunchy and nasty.  I might have to skip a week of this mess.  These women may be the only bitches on reality TV who need to slow down and stop keeping it real.

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June 3, 2013 | 7:33 am

Princesses of Long Island Recap – Oy Vey!

Posted by Ilana Angel

The only thing I love more than reality television is when there is a Jew on reality television.  I am proudly Jewish and love it when one of the tribe is on TV.  That’s the thing about Jews, we are all connected and take this weird sense of ownership and pride in each other.  It’s good to be a Jew and these young bitches better not piss me off and embarrass our people. The problem with reality TV is that the Jews are always really strange.

I am coming to this show with an open mind, but I will simply be forced to rip these women apart if they are crazy. God help me, here we go.  We start off with Chanel who is 27, modern orthodox, and living at home with her parents and sister.  The sister, Ashley, is 24 and getting married.  That has got to hurt.  Chanel is clearing upset that her younger sister if getting married first and I feel for her.  That sucks, but she handles it well.

They are sitting down for dinner and her mother is on Chanel’s ass to get married already.  I was never pressured to get married, and although I married young, 25, it might be more of an issue in a more religious family. The mother tells her to find someone like her dad, her sister says to find someone like her fiancé, and Chanel quotes Sex and the City in how she describes the love she is looking for.  I like Chanel. For now.

Next up is Chanel’s friend Erica.  Erica is a reform Jew and while she is supposed to be lifelong friends with Chanel, is not clear that Chanel keeps kosher. Her parents are making BBQ and I am so insanely offended by Erica’s father I want to scream.  He makes a mockery of being kosher, says a fake prayer over the non-kosher meet he is making, and tells Chanel it is kosher, so she eats it.  Five minutes in and I hate this show.

Ashley is one of Chanel’s best friends, and a nightmare.  She is truly the most offensive representation on television of what it means to be a young Jewish woman.  She is getting a manicure and pedicure with her dad, who seems lovely, but has clearly ruined this girl, and she has no shot in hell of ever having a happy marriage.  She is focused on money, appears to be a hobbit, and has no idea how unappealing she looks on this show.

She will not wear flat shoes and since just got a pedicure she cannot put her shoes on.  She has her father push her in a chair to the front door, then asks the salon owner to carry her to her car so she does not need to walk in flats.  I want to smack this kid and yell at her dad for creating a monster. Why not have her dad carry her to the car instead of humiliating the salon owner? This woman is going to set Jewish chicks back years.

Amanda is up next and we also meet her mother Babs and her boyfriend Jeff. Dear Lord.  Amanda is harmless enough but her mother is crazy and her boyfriend is gay.  These three people may be the most awkward people to ever be on reality television.  She is a pretty girl but her voice makes me want to cut myself, her boyfriend’s voice makes me want to swallow glass, and her mother’s voice makes me want to pluck my hair out.

Babs calls Amanda while she is out for dinner and it is creepy.  The mother is needy and clingy.  She wants to live through her daughter and it is freaking me out.  Thank God I did not have a mother like that, and thank God I am not a mother like that.  The truth is that these women are unlike any Jews that I know, and I am embarrassed by them.  I love it when people say they are Jewish and are proud of it, but I wish this group wouldn’t.

Ashley is going to pick up her friend Joey, who is middle class, but Ashley says he lives in the ghetto and is destitute.  This woman should not be allowed out of the house, let alone on television.  Joey is the pretty and normal one.   She is from a different part of Long Island and defines herself as different from the others.  Ashley tells Joey she looks beautiful, Joey tells her she is beautiful too, and Ashley responds, “obviously”.

I am so over this show and cannot watch it.  There is not enough booze in the world to make this show good.  They are shopping for her Ashley’s 30th birthday party.  The power is out and she talks the store into letting her shop in the dark.  I can’t take this Ashley woman.  Joey is visiting Erica and it occurs to me that Joey reminds me of Bethenny Frankel.  I don’t like her anymore.   Erica is having a pool party for all the princesses.

Amanda, Babs, and Jeff are bathing suit shopping and I want to turn away but can’t.  It is horrific.  Jeff is gay and his drooling over Amanda is painful. I want him to meet a nice Jewish guy and set himself free.  Watching him look at Amanda and her mother in bathing suits is too much.  Babs is a hot mess, Amanda is in denial, and Jeff is lying to himself.  Important to note this is not a show about Jews, but rather a show about freaks.

Erica is having the pool party at her cousin’s house so she does not need to clean up after. Shoot me.  We meet her boyfriend Rob and I don’t get it.  He will be running away soon.  Chanel arrives and I find myself liking her. She is the only one.  There are some gorgeous men at the party, none of which are Jewish.  Joey brought a bunch of her friends to the party and it is about to get ugly.  One of Joey’s friends is going to cause a scene.

Joey’s friend Sarah knows Jeff and they are Facebook friends.  Sarah says Jeff stalked her on Facebook and Amanda is pissed off.  Sarah is drunk. Sidebar: one second Amanda’s nails are not painted, then in the next scene they are. Clearly they had to shoot this over a long period of time.   Amanda is calm but getting annoyed, Sarah is drunk and annoyed, then calls Jeff a f*****. Not nice, not necessary, and ugly drunk behavior.

Amanda throws her drink on Sarah and everyone starts screaming.  Joey is a coward, Erica wants everyone out, and it turns into a mess.  By turns into of course I mean this show has been a horrible mess from the first minute. This is a horrible show, with unappealing people, and I am embarrassed that people will watch and think this is what it means to be Jewish.  The good news is that nobody is going to watch because it is crap.

I like Chanel and would interested in talking to her to see how she is in real life, and if she is happy with the show, but the others hold no interest for me.  The voices are like nails on a chalkboard and in all seriousness, I am embarrassed by them.  I will probably watch and blog if only to remind people this is not what it means to be Jewish, and hope that people know when it comes to Jewish women, they are not keeping it real.

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June 2, 2013 | 6:21 pm

The Real Housewives of New Jersey are Back!

Posted by Ilana Angel

I, like most reality fans, have been waiting for this show to come back.  We love these women with passion, and hate them with the same passion.  They are fascinating television and it is because they are family that is so compelling.  It has been a long time since we saw the show, but they are in the news, on Twitter, and bashing each other so much that this is really just catch up.  It’s like we are reading a book, read the last chapter first, and now get to go back and read the entire book.  God bless New Jersey!

We start with everyone looking at the damage of Hurricane Sandy.  Richie says he cannot believe this is happening in the United States. Really? Is Richie unaware we have weather in America? This guy and his wife are morons and watching them humiliate themselves is a highlight of blogging this show.  We are one minute in and Jac is fake crying.  Dear Lord. We are right back where we started. Kathy is watching how lives are forever broken and she is complaining about having no cell service.  I can’t take her and really wish they were not back.

Teresa has lost her beach house, sees a silver lining in work coming to the Jersey shore in the recovery, and tells us she and Juicy are fine.  She tells us she has not seen her brother in a year and that is sad.  Melissa and Joe have also lost their house.  Teresa says she is not to blame for their not speaking, and Joe says they are not speaking because Teresa does not care. We are barely even starting and already I blame Melissa for breaking this family apart and valuing fame over family. I’m on margarita #1.

The ladies have all recorded new tag lines.

Caroline: “Love me or hate me, I always speak the truth.” (Except when she’s lying.)

Melissa: ”Sexy life, loyal wife. Take a page from my book.” (What? She wants us to take pages from her book because she can’t read and does not need the book.)

Teresa: “Haters are going to hate, but I just love, love, love.”  (Haters are going to hate on her like they always do, but I just love, love, love her.)

Jac: “I’ve faced my share of challenges, but I’m tougher than I look.”  (Her challenges are mental and she looks like a gutter pig.)

Kathy: “If you can’t take the heat, get out of my kitchen.”  (I wish she would get off of my favorite reality show.)

Teresa and the girls are packing up clothes to donate to victims of Sandy. The girls have grown up and are all simply beautiful.  Teresa says the victims need beautiful and glamorous clothes.  I love her. She is so simply that I find it endearing.  Milania says she misses Joe and the kids and Teresa is not sure what to say.  She then comments that Milania is starting to forget her, which made no sense, but clearly she is upset about not talking to Joe. Everyone is trying to keep them apart which is unfortunate.

We jump to Jac and everything about her bothers me.  Her voice, her fake crying, her NFL neck, all of it.  Her children are beautiful and her husband is lovely, but she is annoying.  Chris makes a joke about Nicholas faking autism to not have to talk to his family, and I thought it was in poor taste.  Oy vey. Over to Melissa and Joe, her daughter is aching for her cousins and Melissa fake cries and reminds Joe that this is all Teresa’s fault.  Melissa is an idiot, Joe is listening to a fame whore, and it is disgusting to watch.

Melissa says Teresa manipulates her kids, but she does the same.  I am so over this woman and we are just getting started!  We jump to Kathy and her family.  Dear Lord.  Rosie and her mom are fabulous, but Kathy is invisible and her husband is offensive.  Rosie is still complaining about not having a girlfriend, and Kathy is still trying to be a spokesperson for the gay community. Teresa has been no movement, no growth, nothing with this family. Back to Teresa, Milania gets a letter from Antonia.  Just not cool.

Milania wants to write her back, and Teresa suggests she call her instead and invite her over.  Why?  Because she is a grown up, not playing the ridiculous mind games of Melissa. Gia is upset because she knows they were not invited to Antonia’s birthday party.  Joe tells Gia not to worry because it is not about the kids, just the adults.  I honestly think Teresa and Juicy are handling this right, while Melissa and Joe are not.  Be assholes to each other, but leave the kids out of it.  This part pisses me off.

Cut to Caroline who has rented an apartment with Albert for a year as a test to see if they want to downsize.  Lauren looks great, but before we can really understand what is happening, Joe and Melissa come by for a visit. Really?  I am fascinated by Caroline’s hair.  Couldn’t she fix it if she knew they were filming?  Melissa is going to Caroline for guidance on how to handle a play date with the kids.  It is just bullshit.  This is a nothing situation that is being blown up by Melissa and her desperate need for camera time.

In a moment of scripted reality, Melissa and Teresa both start texting each other and luckily they both have camera crews with them.  Caroline offers advice and Melissa says she does not want to talk about it there.  Really? She came over there and brought it up, now she does not want to talk about it?  Melissa is as dumb as she is pretty.  I feel bad for Joe.  Good for him for supporting his wife, but shame on him for allowing her to rip his family apart. Shame on Bravo for dragging us back into the darkness. I am on margarita #2.

Caroline is now visiting with Jac.  By visiting of course I mean telling her everything that happened with Melissa and Joe, but putting her own spin on it. Jac says listening to stories about all of them is as important as getting her ass bleached.  Classy.  Jac is a pig, Caroline is a busybody, and I am annoyed that we are right back in the middle of this mess.  Nothing has changed, nobody is being nice, and the kids are suffering.  Not cool. It would hev been nice to start us off with something loving instead of all the darkness.

Gia is out shopping with Teresa. Gia is 11 but acts much older.  She is beautiful but I think it is sad that she has grown up so fast.  I understand Teresa talks to Gia like she is a grown up, but she should also feel bad about it.  They are still texting about the play date like it is world peace, not a couple of kids hanging out.  The play date is on and Joe tells Melissa that Caroline invited him out for coffee.  Such drama.  I’m happy the little girls can hang out together and these two women better behave.

Caroline and Joe go for coffee and I don’t understand why Caroline is getting involved here.  I am bored.  We are flipping back and forth between Teresa and Melissa and I don’t  care because it is lame.  The kids want to play and make their own things, but Melissa is all over them and controlling the kids in order to not have to talk to Teresa.  Teresa is trying to have a conversation, but Melissa has her ego shoved so far up her ass she does not get it.  This is out of control.  These poor kids, and frankly, poor Teresa.

Caroline and Joe end their meeting with him in tears.  I freaking love Joe Gorga and am sad his wife is being so horrible.  Caroline offers to talk to Teresa and I am rolling my eyes.  We get a look into the season and I find myself screaming at the television. It looks like there are some good times and fun stuff coming, but they started off dark, which is too bad.  I love this show and while I tried to come to the new season with an open mind, my opinions are firmly in place, but I am still keeping it real.

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May 30, 2013 | 9:24 am

OMG! Insider, LeAnn Rimes & One-Sided Journalism

Posted by Ilana Angel

I have written a lot of articles about LeAnn Rimes.  I find her to be fascinating in that she is obviously dealing with mental illness, yet nobody in the world of entertainment journalism is willing to talk about it.  She is unstable in the same way Amanda Bynes is, yet everyone in the celebrity news arena paints her as a victim.  She is, in my opinion, a whore who broke up a family, and is now attempting to ruin another family with her endless supply of cash and desperate need to maintain her celebrity.

Yesterday LeAnn’s madness went to a whole new level as it brought in an entertainment powerhouse, Yahoo’s OMG! Insider.  The twitter account for OMG Insider sent me a tweet telling my followers and me that they were airing a two part interview with LeAnn and we should all watch.  Really? Some young social media intern probably did a search of Rimes, my name came up, they figured I was a fan, and tweeted me.  That intern should do a little more research because I’m not a fan of the unwell Ms. Rimes.

I wrote back to the OMG twitter account letting them know I was not interested in the interview and that started an onslaught of tweets from me, them, my followers, LeAnn’s paid twitter followers, and an endless array of fake twitter accounts that I believe are run by Ms. Rimes.  Just when I thought it could not get any stranger, the executive producer of the OMG Insider television show, Brad Bessey, got involved and in just one tweet managed to shed light on his credibility, or lack there of.

I suggested to the OMG twitter account that since they interviewed LeAnn, they should also interview the Special Ed teacher and mother of 6 she is suing.  I was told by that account that I should speak with Mr. Bessey because they are all about listening to their online community.  I wrote to Mr. Bessey and suggested he needed to speak with the “other side” of the story that is LeAnn Rimes.  Important to note that every time Ms. Rimes speaks she is storytelling.  Mr. Bessey engaged me right away.

He wrote me back, responding to my request for him to interview teacher Kim Smiley by saying, “Don’t need to. We provided a safe place for @leannrimes to share her music & her truth and she fearlessly did.”   When my followers started to join the conversation, Mr. Bessey wrote, “Other side? It’s her experiences, her actions, her regrets, her feelings, her music?”   Ms. Rimes is trying to sell a record and is sharing nothing that we have not heard already, and determined to be lies.  It’s ridiculous.

I appreciate that this is a celebrity driven gossip site, but for an executive producer in the area of journalism to publically state that only one side of a story is needed, is shocking.  To clarify, it could be that he was confused and thought we were all talking about Brandi Glanville as the other side of the story. If that is the case then Mr. Bessey is not too sharp as we repeated over and over again that we were concerned with Kim Smiley and her having the right to tell her side of the story that is LeAnn Rimes.

LeAnn Rimes had an affair with a married man, while married herself.  She ended her marriage, and his, and they got married.  Big deal.  It happens all the time.  It is how she has handled herself in the wake of her very public outing as a whore that has left so many people troubled.  She is suing a woman for taping a call that she initiated, in a public place.  Kim Smiley was trying to protect herself from Ms. Rimes and in making a rational decision to tape her, got caught up in a nightmare that is heartbreaking.

Why is it that nobody will ask LeAnn Rimes the questions that matter?  She will not answer them of course, but at least have the balls to ask her.  OMG Insider has let us know that they are only interested in LeAnn and it is sad. Had they said they are a celebrity site and do not do the type of stories that would include Kim, I would have respected them. Instead they made it very clear they are only interested in one side of the story and have opted to go with the side of a narcissistic sociopath with an agenda.

It is an interesting choice and they are free to do what they do in the way that they choose.  All I am saying is that LeAnn Rimes is suing a woman with six kids, who has dedicated her life to helping others, for no reason.  It will go to court and be dismissed of course, but the financial devastation to this family will be hard to recover from.  Someone needs to listen to Kim’s side of this story and maybe shed a different light on Ms. Rimes.  Just because she used to be a popular singer does not make her special.

If anyone is worthy of press coverage, it is Kim Smiley.  You can learn about Kim and what she is dealing with at www.gofundme.com/HelptheSmileys.  It will ultimately all get explained in court and so one can take comfort in knowing the courtroom is a place where both sides of a story matter and when given her opportunity to speak, Kim will show everyone exactly who LeAnn Rimes is and what she is doing.  Kim will share what OMG Insider is not interested in sharing, which is the truth.

She puts her really ugly and inappropriate pants on one leg at a time just like the rest of us.  Being a celebrity does not excuse bad behavior and if a journalist has an opportunity to report fairly and chooses not to, we can only conclude that they are not journalists as much as they are gossip mongers who are more impressed with fame and celebrity than truth and decency.  I won’t watch the interview because there is no point now.  They have let us all know that the interview is not concerned with keeping it real.

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May 28, 2013 | 7:40 pm

Married to Medicine Reunion Double Blog

Posted by Ilana Angel

Lordy, Lordy, Lordy, it is going down with the women of Atlanta.   They have all paired off and the lines are divided.  It is clear who likes who, who hates who, who wants to kill who, and who I would want to be friends with.  Then there is Andy.  Dear sweet Andy Cohen starts the reunion by throwing gasoline on the fire.  He gets Mariah, who is on the outs with everyone but Quad, to introduce them all. Cheap shot, but effective.

Quad looks absolutely gorgeous, Jackie is gracious and kind, and Simone is straight up fabulous. Toya is a stupid bitch, and Kari is suffering from constipation.  Mariah is nice to all but Kari and Toya, which makes sense because these two “lades” are anything but.  Mariah implies that Kari is older than Duncan and Kari quickly corrects her.  Kari and Toya are not too thrilled with Mariah and it is going to get messy.

This show has polarized fans and we are all on a team.  There is Team Doctor, for those who like Jackie and Simone. Team Toya and Kari for those who like fake, mean bitches, and Team Mariah and Quad for those who like to keep it real.  I am with Quad and Mariah, have a total girl crush on Simone, think Jackie is a lady, think Toya is a gutter pig, and think Kari picked the wrong ally, knows it, but can turn it around if she is smart.

There is a lot of recapping and not a lot of talking but these women can get their feelings across quickly so we need to pay attention.  Kari is being an elitist, Quad is annoyed Kari keeps calling her husband the wrong kind of doctor, and Kari wants us to think it was a mistake.  Come on Kari.  She knew exactly what she was doing and it was on purpose.  Kari fancies herself more important because her husband is a surgeon.  Blah, blah, blah.

If there is a hierarchy, then Jackie and Simone are on top.  Know it. We see some clips of Kari and see that she is rather mean spirited.  She told me she is misunderstood and her actions are based on a lot of things we have not seen.  She needs to wake up and know what we see is what matters.  We are judging her on the show, not what she tells us happened behind the scenes. Kari is lovely but clearly a bit delusional and in need of a kick in the ass.

Kari tries to throw Toya under the bus but Quad and Mariah are not letting her off the hook.  Quad and Mariah are whispering to each other and it is funny as hell.  I think Kari was a bitch on this show but I am not giving up on her.  I think she means well, got caught up in the shithole that is Toya, and once she washes the crap off can come to the table all clean and sparkly.  I am not digging her TV character, but there is something interesting about her.

Sidebar:  There is a makeup room camera catching the teams talking and it is fabulous.  They should have one of these on all the reunions of all the shows. They know the camera is there, but still, it is funny, sweet, entertaining, and a shot of reality in a sea of fakeness.  Andy wants to talk about the mug shot and arrest of Quad, but here’s the thing, who cares?  They had a fight, they got married, they are happy, move on.  We simply do not care.

Kari and Toya want to talk smack about Quad and I don’t get it.  Toya is clearly jealous of Quad.  She thought Quad would be the loose canon and everyone would hate her, but in the end Toya is the freak that we cannot stand.  Toya thought she’d be a superstar, and in the end she is an ignorant pig who has no decency, no manners, and no shot in hell of ever having the class that Quad possesses.  She is an embarrassment to herself and Detroit.

Toya is being a bitch to Quad and I am somewhat distracted by her saggy boobs and unfortunate dress, then Quad pulls out the DUI charges against Toya. Can we just talk for a minute about the fact that Toya seems to struggle with English.  He has a limited vocabulary and when she tries to use a new word, she uses it wrong.  Bless her.  Toya is a pig, Quad is fabulous, and I really hope Toya does not come back for another season.

Simone shares that she was raised by a single mother and does not talk to her father as he likes to talk bad about her mom and she is not having it.  I freaking love this woman and I now love her mom.  I am a single mom and to hear a grown woman speak of her mother like Simone does, makes me happy and want to work harder so that my son speaks of me as Simone speaks of her mom.  I am going to have a vodka with Simone one day. Know it.

Andy wants to talk about the fight and I think it is sad.  We are never going to know the entire truth so hashing it out seems silly. What we know for sure is that Toya made a bad decision and endangered the emotional well being of a child.  She did this, in my opinion, on purpose and with the sole objective to hurt Mariah.  I think Toya is a snake, I side with Mariah’s mom on this, and God help a bitch who tries to hurt my baby.  For real.

I feel sad for Mariah and don’t think any of these women would act any differently if it had been their child.  Mariah is on the verge of tears at the betrayal of the friendships, which she brought to the show.  Simone jumps in when Mariah says nobody asked her how she was doing.  Simone will not have it and makes it clear she tried to help everyone, and never took a side.  Even with only the little pieces we see, we are clear on the hurt that went down.

I love Simone and think she really was trying to help and unclear on everything.  Jackie is calm and steady, but she is not getting it.  Mariah says Jackie cannot get it because she is not a mom, and while I understand how that is hurtful to Jackie, on some level I agree. The fight is the cornerstone of the show and while Toya is blaming Mariah’s mom Lucy for the fight, Lucy is there to defend herself.  It is perfection and we go onto Part Two.

Lucy starts off part two with tears.  She is explaining how hurtful it was and Toya is laughing it off.   Lucy called Toya to say sorry and Toya makes fun of that too, saying a publicist made her.  Lucy tells Toya she forgives her and Toya goes off, saying Lucy is a bad mother.  Dear Lord.  Toya needs to go back to Detroit and sit on her porch.  She is a bitch, a liar, an idiot, and it will be shameful if Bravo brings her back for another season.

They do a recap of my girlfriend Simone and she cries.  I like her so much.  I am going to move to Atlanta and be her sister-wife.  I am moving into nephew’s room and will have vodka while Cecil cooks for us.  So excited. Simone hugs Mariah and I am happy they made up.  I want Simone back next season   By want of course I mean need.  I ain’t got nothing but love for you Simone.  We are now moving onto the fall out of Mariah and Kari.

Kari says Mariah came from nothing and Mariah corrects her by saying she may have come from humble beginnings, but it was not nothing.  I love me some Mariah and I am firmly on her team.  Kari comes off shady on the show and sadly comes off shady on the reunion.  I still want her back, but she is only getting one pass from me.  Kari is now telling us all Duncan’s penis is big and I am checking out.  Kari is not the classy one tonight.

Kari says that Mariah has never been nice or kind to her.  Really?  You are on her show Kari. I’m over it.  We get a recap of Mariah and Quad and they are hilarious.  I want to hang out with these two.  I would laugh a lot, be a little scared, and learn a new language.  I am going to the next Docs on the Docks event and I am going to prowl the Jewish doctors of Atlanta.  Speaking of which, you can’t have a show about doctors and not include a Jew!

We get a recap of Dr. Jackie and for reasons I am not totally clear on, it makes me cry.  This is a classy and refined woman and to hear her speak of the season, and her own life, is really moving.  I see Jackie differently after the reunion. I want to hug her and tell her that I think she is beautiful.  The reunion has been a revelation of a lot of things and the fact is that Jackie is a remarkable woman and I wish her continued health and happiness.

There is a lot of greatness to these women, along with a lot of ugliness. Mariah says she has forgiven Toya, but I have not.  She is ignorant and her comments about Hitler in her blog are offensive.  I don’t like her, won’t ever, and want her gone.  It would appear that Mariah will take Toya back for season two, but is looking to cut Kari loose.  Interesting choice.  If anyone goes they better bring in a Jew.  If she is keeping Toya, she should keep Kari too.

Jackie thinks it can be fixed for the six of them.  Simone thinks time will heal the situation.  Toya is going to pray for all, Quad needs time, Mariah is going to try, and Kari is not there to make friends, only to tell the truth.  Really?  Since when does truth have anything to do with reality television?  I predict they will all be back next season and I will be here too, keeping it real.

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