May 24, 2012 | 12:27 am

Conversations with Reality TV Fans – Part 2

Posted by Ilana Angel

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Last week I began my series of interviews with reality TV fans who follow me on Twitter.  I spoke with @FavAuntJulie and it was great.  She is a wonderful lady, a lover of reality TV, and a southern belle.  This week it was my pleasure to speak with @SweeetBea.  She is an interesting woman, and not at all what I thought she would be.

Bea was born in Columbia, South America and moved to New Jersey as a small child.  She works in office administration and has a reality television addiction.  She also has a new boyfriend who is not only aware of her addiction, but accepts it.  By accepts it of course I mean like all the men in our lives, thinks she is insane for watching but loves her anyway.

Bea joined Twitter so she would have a place to chat with other reality TV fans.  Turns out that Twitter is like rehab for reality TV addicts.  The only problem is that we are in a rehab that insists we still use.  It was through people on Twitter that she learned about the various reality TV blogs, and how she ultimately found mine and followed me.

I discovered some interesting things about Bea during our chat. One is that she actually meets people in person she has met on Twitter. Who does that? She has been on Twitter since it started and she has developed true friendships with many people she knows from there.  Twitter is a crazy place so she is brave.

Bea is adventurous and inherently kind.  She met her boyfriend through a hiking group on Facebook so it makes sense that she would also meet people from Twitter.  Twitter can be a very mean and dark place and that freaks me out.  Truth be told, Bea used to be one of the people that scared me. When I first started tweeting I thought she was a spy!

Bea is friendly with everyone on Twitter, does not get sucked into drama, and is respectful of opinions.  She is a fan of Bethenny, and we all know what I think about Ms. Frankel, but she still reads my blogs, comments on occasion, and regardless of our differences of opinion, has followed and supported my work.  Bea does not take any of it too seriously.

When I was new to Twitter, my blogs about Bethenny ruffled quite a few feathers, particularly a certain blogger from Chicago who was so offended by my distaste for Ms. Frankel, that she decided to start trouble for me.  It resulted in my becoming guarded on Twitter. I could not figure out how everything I wrote got to the dark side.

I blocked a bunch of people who were engaging with the troublemakers, yet there was still trouble.  I went through my followers one day and saw that Bea was following me, in addition to the dark side.  She was the only one I could find that was following everyone so I came to the only logical conclusion.  Bea was a spy for the dark side!

I blocked her of course, and then saw that she continued to read my blog and tweet with other people about it.  She did not agree with some of what I wrote, yet never said anything unkind about me.  One day I was reading through my timeline and saw that some things were being said about my blog and Bea had subtly come to my defense.

I remember chatting about Twitter with my son at the time.  He is not a fan of Twitter and thinks I should not be on there.  He does not get how mean people are, particularly to me, but when he started to read through he asked who people were and I explained to him that Bea was a Twitter spy.  He thought I was crazy.

My kid told me that Bea seemed great, was defending me to crazy people, and she was not a spy.  He then proceeded to tell me that if I actually thought there were spies on Twitter, I had lost my mind and needed to delete my Twitter account.  I look back at the conversation now and I laugh so hard my stomach hurts.  Twitter is insane.

I told the spy story to Bea and we had a good laugh.  In the end Bea is not a spy, although for the record I do believe there are spies on Twitter.  Bea is a nice woman who loves her family, loves her friends, works hard, is kind, sweet, and has a serious reality television addiction.  She is also very smart in that she is able to enjoy the best parts of Twitter.

She is savvy when it comes to both Twitter and reality TV.  She has learned how to distinguish good from crazy and light from dark.  You must earn her trust, but when you have it, she is a loyal and devoted friend.  I asked Bea to tell me three words to describe herself and she said friendly, adventurous, and open minded.  I agree with her self-assessment.

Bea loves reality TV and while the shows are embarrassing, she is not embarrassed to be watching.  She started watching reality with The Real Housewives of Orange County.  When the show started she watched and thought how great it would be to have the life she saw.  After several seasons of crap she wouldn’t want to change places with them.

Talking to Bea was like talking to an old friend that I have known forever. She is charming, laughs easily, and makes you feel comfortable immediately. She loves discussing her favorite shows, and reads quite a few blogs.  Her favorite blogger is Real Old Housewife.  I blame my not being her favorite on that damn Bethenny Frankel.

Bea has mastered the art of Twitter and I am a little envious of that.  She is able to have fun, quickly identify the crazy people, maintain her cool, laugh at the drama, and be in the middle of things while safely watching from the sidelines.  She could be a spokeswoman for Twitter because she is one of the few people who get it.

Bea is a sweetheart and I loved talking with her.  I am happy my son convinced me she was not a spy, I respect her for respecting the opinions of others and engaging in conversations with class and kindness. I would even meet her in person! I look forward to the next installment of this series because fans are good at keeping it real.

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May 21, 2012 | 11:42 pm

The Bachelorette - Week 2 Recap

Posted by Ilana Angel

It’s week two and again, just five minutes in, I am totally into it.  Emily is beautiful and that we are in Charlotte, not Los Angeles makes it better.  We see Emily with her daughter and we are reminded that this is, on some level, real.  She would not involve little Ricky if she were not committed to the process.  Her friends seem normal, she seems normal, and I am invested.

I have met and interviewed Chris Harrison and he is a wonderful man.  He is smart, funny, charming, and very attractive.  That said, I don’t get him on this show.  He does not seem to serve any real purpose.  In the beginning we needed him to explain how it all worked, but now he just a waste of time, too old to be doing this, and clearly in love with Emily.  Could get creepy.

Ryan gets the first one-on-one date and it’s so funny to see the men hanging around the pool acting like chicks.  They are jealous of each other and plotting against each other, and it’s fabulous.  Emily is seriously beautiful and for her first glamorous date she takes Ryan to her house and they bake cookies because she is snack mom for school the next day.  Love her.

Emily and Ryan drop off the cookies to soccer practice, but he waits in the car and I love her even more.  They are going out to dinner and she is a knock out.  Ryan is sweet but I’m not totally feeling him with her.  She is asking good questions, wants someone who is there for her, not someone trying to win the game.  Ryan is answering well, but I’m still not into it.

I predicted him first week to be a contender but I’m kind of over him.  That didn’t last long.  Emily tells us she thinks he might be like Brad.  Really?  If she is feeling that then she should kick his perfectly toned ass to the curb. They finish dinner, he gets a rose and they listen to some band play and while dancing in front of the impromptu crowd that has been scripted to be there.

It’s group date time and the remaining 13 guys are meeting her in a theater. The date is putting on a variety show with The Muppets for the charity named after Ricky’s dad.  It’s a sweet date and while I know I’ve said it before and know I will change my mind, this season has a much different vibe.  There is still a lot of scrap, but a level of authenticity that is new.

Charlie is having an anxiety attack because he is afraid of speaking in front of a crowd.  I love this guy and want to hug him.  By hug him of course I mean kiss him.  He goes to Emily and tells her he is uncomfortable and self-consious with his speech and asks if he can do something else.  I freaking love this guy.  He has no shot in hell, but I am pulling for him.

The Muppets are classic, still funny, and it is a treat to see them here. Ricky and her Grandma are in the audience, which is nice.  Miss Piggy is divine, Charlie did a great job in the end, and while it was a little lame, it was great. The problem with it was that it was simply too long.  Is this The Bachelorette or the Muppet Show?  It went on and on and I lost interest.

The group date boys are now having drinks and everyone is trying to get time with Emily.  Emily is talking with Chris and telling him she likes him.  He is only 25 and that is simply too young for her.  Jef and her have “the best talk she has had with anyone” and I am laughing because they talked about everything but the fact that he is unsure of his sexuality.

Stevie is dancing with Emily and it’s cute.  He is a party DJ, which is not cute.  Kalon is talking to Emily now and he is repulsive.  He is not into her but salivating over the possibilities of 15 minutes.  Some guy, whose name I do not know, comes to take Emily from Kalon and Kalon is begging for 2 minutes but the guy says he is not waiting and takes Emily off.

Emily goes with what’s his name and Kalon is complaining to the other men that it was not cool.  Stevie hates Kalon, is a little drunk, and they are behaving like Ali and Vienna.  It’s fantastically mortifying.  Emily gives the date rose to Jef which was just weird.  I thought she would give it to Charlie so I was surprised.  Men are pissed and about to start acting like chicks.

The final date of the night is with Joe.  They go by private plane to her home state of West Virginia.  They go to a resort where she went growing up and then it happens.  Week 2 and she is in a bikini.  She rocks it, Joe is sweet but it’s much more interesting back at the house.  The men are talking about dating a woman with a child and buttons are being pushed.

Kalon is saying he thought his first child would be his own and he needs to process dating a woman with a child.  Kalon, the douchelord, tells yummy single dad Doug that he put being a dad on hold to be on the show.  Really? Them are fighting words and you know Kalon is going to be hated by the end of the night.  He has been gross since the first second we met him.

Joe and Emily are out for dinner.  She is saying she wants to get married and have more kids and he is saying he does not want to plan it all out.  She is not feeling butterflies, he is not ready, and he is saying all the wrong things.  She dumps him, cries through it all, and you have got to love her.  She is in it, not playing games, and God help any ass who tries hurts her.

Joe leaves with no hug, no kiss, and says it was a great opportunity.  See ya sore loser Joe.  Arie is chatting with Emily and he reminds me of Andy Samberg.  He tells her he has dated a single mom in the past, and you can see her heart flutter.  Yay for the token Jew.  Ryan, who has a rose, goes to talk to Emily and gives her a poem.  Totally creepy.

Poor Tony is pissed Ryan is taking time with her.  He goes to get some time and instead is standing there like a putz while Emily reads Ryan’s letter.  It was freaking 7 pages!  Tony is talking about having a 5 year old son and its so tragic because he has no shot in hell, is pouring his heart out, and there is no chemistry.  She could care less about him or that he is a dad.

Kalon is with Emily, again, and he reminds me of a rich preppy kid who gets charged with attacking a woman, then gets off because he has so much money.  He seems like the type of guy who will have a bad Lifetime movie of the week made about him.  He’s creepy, slimy, untrustworthy, and full of crap.  He needs to go.  Quickly.

Two men are being sent home which is stupid.  We just sat through 2 hours to have a total of 3 men go home?  They are going to have to move this along a little faster if they want us to stay in it.  I am willing to watch for 2 hours a week, but I need a minimum of 4 dudes to get the boot.  The 2 men going home are Aaron and Kyle. Both men leave pissed and on the verge of tears.

Next week will have lots of crying, which I am not ashamed to tell you I love. What makes it so great is that the crying is by the men not Emily.  I am excited about this season and they are teasing us just enough to keep things interesting.  They do need to move it along however.  I will be supportive for now but if they start jerking us around they lose all hope of keeping it real.

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May 21, 2012 | 7:14 am

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Implode

Posted by Ilana Angel

Last week I wrote that I was no longer going to blog this show because it had become so dark and unappealing.  I then did an interview with one of my readers and she told me that I must see the season through as my blog was an outlet for many people to discuss the show and if they were all suffering through it, so should I.  Well, here I am, once again blogging about what may be the ugliest reality show on television, and there is lots to say.

We start this week in the car with Teresa and Juicy.  She is explaining to him what happened last week when she fought with her brother at Kathy’s house.  Juicy’s response is horrible.  Poor Teresa tries to defend him and it is heartbreaking.  He goes off on her, her family, and even the kids.  He is rude, abrasive, and vile.  He tells her to shut up and when she tells him to not say it, he gets even meaner.  It is uncomfortable to watch.

He tells her that nobody from her family is allowed in their house and if she tries to bring them over he will kick them out.  If she defies him, he will kick her out too.  He then goes on to say he swears on the lives of his children that he will leave her if she does not obey him.  Teresa is clearly mortified, and tries to laugh it off by saying he did not mean it.  That Bravo put his rant on the show is disgusting and I just wanted to cry.

Rich and Joe Gorga are in the gym working out and it pisses me off that they are even getting their own scenes.  This is about housewives not pathetic husbands who are looking for fame.  Rich is a tool.  He and Kathy try to make us think they are so loving and caring about family, but the fact is they are scripted that way, and not nice at all.  They are troublemakers and Kathy was clearly brought on to cause trouble with Teresa and Joe Gorga.

We then are forced to listen to Lauren Manzo complain about being fat.  It is humiliating for her and that she is even going along with this storyline is strange.  Her dad tells the camera he was glad she was fat in high school so guys would leave her alone.  Really?  Caroline then tells the camera she was too fat for her junior prom and her brother had to take her. WTF?  Caroline is crying that her kid is fat and I want to punch her in the face.

Important to note that punch her in the face is a figure of speech.  I would never really punch them in the face.  That said, should I be around one, and should my foot fall asleep and accidentally slide out from under me and land in front of a walking housewife, causing her to fall and perhaps land in some dog crap, or God forbid, knock out a tooth, it would simply be an unfortunate accident that truly had nothing to do with my mentioning a punch.

Teresa is on the phone with Jac telling her about the party at Kathy’s and it is hilarious.  She is having the entire conversation while she sits at her vanity looking at herself in the mirror.  I love Teresa.  Her kids are there, they can hear what she is saying, and it’s crushing.  Her little one is putting on makeup and I want to play with her.  These four children are stunning and you can’t help but wonder how they will be as teenagers and adults being raised by mom of the year Teresa, and Juicy, her ape of a husband.

Lauren is going shopping with Jac and once again talking about how fat she is. Jac talks about how Lauren is a great fake daughter and I want to scream. Ashlee may be a whining, spoiled brat, but can you blame her?  Her mom is a total bitch.  Lauren should not be a storyline, and if we are forced to watch her, why does it have to be about her weight?  Stop eating Sweetie.  Problem solved.  Jac is disgusting and Lauren is being humiliated.

Back with Teresa, she is with her daughters and it’s cute.  Truth be told, Bravo should cancel this crapfest and give Teresa her own show.  She’s the only interesting one.  Just her and her kids.  Gia is talking about getting her first bra and her period, and it is charming.  I’m not a fan of including the kids on this level, but it is sweet and proves they need their own show.  Gia is a sensitive girl and I feel sad for her.

Over at Jac’s house she is hosting a field day and you have to wonder how exhausting it is to live your life on television under the illusion of having money.  I’m not buying it.  Bravo pays for all the scripted parties because none of these people have the kind of money they want us to think they have.  Everyone is coming over to play and you know it is going to get real ugly, real fast.  There is no concern for the children on this show.

The Manzo’s and Jac are in her kitchen gossiping about Teresa.  Albie and his roommate Gary are there and it’s sweet.  Sad that they feel the need to hide their obvious love, but they are a cute couple and I wish them well. Lauren is there getting mocked for being on a diet, she lashed out and they think it’s because she is either on her period or starving.  Caroline should be ashamed of herself for humiliating her child in such a public way.

Teresa is out bra shopping with Gia and it’s fun.  Gia is a real sport to do this on the show.  Teresa is uncomfortable, Gia is uncomfortable, the sales clerk is uncomfortable, and this never should have made it onto the show.  Gia is only 10, but is clearly wise beyond her years.  Teresa talking to Gia makes me glad I don’t have a daughter.  She has to go through this with four girls so God Bless her.  That is a lot of work so good luck Momma!

Melissa and Joe Gorga are on their way to Kathy’s and there is a lovely scripted moment of Melissa reading a fake text from Joe, then pretending to support him and his family getting along.  They get there and she immediately starts gossiping about Teresa. Caroline is all over it, and Melissa is wearing shorts that are simply embarrassing.  No matter how great her body is, her shorts are inappropriate and showing your ass in front of company is not cute.

Jac, Melissa and Caroline are repulsive to me now and watching this show is hard.  Caroline can’t stand it that Dina is friends with Teresa and not her. Caroline is a bitter hag and is so toxic that everything she says sounds bad. Jac is roving around the party gossiping and I want to scream.  Kathy brings dessert and the camera pans to Lauren licking her lips and being pissed off. FYI:  nothing Chris Manzo says is interesting or funny.

Joe Gorga talks to Gia and tells her he will try to make things better with Teresa.  This poor little girl is protecting her mother and it’s so very sad. She is growing up fast and I feel for her.  This week seems to be all about Gia, and it’s troubling.  She is a child, they are setting her up for humiliation, and when it blows I’m going to be pissed off.  Joe Gorga says he wants to make a change but yet he does nothing.  We are not stupid Mr. Gorga.

Joe Gorga cheats at one of the games and Gia calls him out on it.  She is a little kid, wants to play fair, and is not mature enough to let it go and just have fun.  Teresa is trying to calm her down, but Gia leaves to go off on her own.  Jac then proves she has no parenting skills by attacking Gia.  She is a complete bitch and that she voluntarily puts her pathetic parenting on display proves how truly ignorant this woman is.

Caroline comes to talk to Gia and they are now attacking her.  Caroline and Jac need to be kicked off this show.  I am so angry watching it and shame on everyone for being involved.  My heart is broken for Gia and for Teresa. Caroline’s children have no jobs and Jac’s daughter hates her, so why do these two think they are qualified to give parenting advice to Teresa, or help guide Gia through a difficult situation?  Really ladies?  Shut up.

This show is painful. I feel sad for Teresa and her kids.  It’s time for them to walk away and start fresh with a different show, and perhaps not include Juicy.  I will watch, and I will blog, but know that it’s hard.  Maury Povich and Jerry Springer have classier shows than this. Part of me wants us all to boycott and simply not watch to send a message to Bravo that this is garbage television.  It wouldn’t work because Bravo is about ruining lives and making money, not keeping it real.

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May 14, 2012 | 8:33 pm

Goodbye to The Real Housewives of New Jersey

Posted by Ilana Angel

It is official: Bravo does not care about the fans.  Those who helped build the network are now being disrespected on a mind-boggling level. They feed us crap every week, and expect us to eat it with a smile on our faces.  We may be addicted, but we know the difference between crack and crap.  We like crack, but we can and will do without the crap.

I watched this week’s episode twice.  Once was difficult, but since I am paid to blog about it, I thought perhaps I was being too harsh and decided to watch again.  The second time gave me the clarity I needed to be able to share with you that I am no longer going to be blogging because this show has gone to hell and I’m too smart to watch it.

This show is mean, dark, uninteresting, and boring.  These women are mean, dark, uninteresting, and boring.  There are two camps when it comes to the women of New Jersey, Team Teresa and Team Melissa.  I am a fan of both of these ladies for different reasons, and rather than pick a side, I will simply not watch it anymore.  Both of them are behaving badly.

Sidebar: I have interviewed both Teresa and Melissa over the phone.  Teresa was honest, open, and unscripted.  Melissa was sweet, funny, and clearly rehearsed.  Basing my opinion on my conversations with them, without the benefit of Bravo editing, Teresa was authentic, Melissa was not.  Teresa was honest, Melissa was not. 

Kathy and Rich are embarrassing.  Rich is trying to be relevant in the same way Slade does in the OC.  The fame has gone to his head and he talks crap to appear to be interesting, but in the end he sounds like a schmuck.  Kathy is two faced.  She talks about how she wants to support Teresa because she is family, but then gossips about her constantly.

Kathy and Rich have tried to parlay the show into other ventures and it’s just not happening for them.  Kathy never should have been a housewife. They should have cast her sister Rosie, who is perfect television.  Kathy came on sweet and innocent, and her family was lovely, but now she is manipulative and clearly bitter she is not making bank like Teresa.

Caroline is horrific.  She came on the show talking about the importance of family, yet she is spending her time trying to break up a family that is not hers.  She is trying to get sympathy by saying she is going through menopause, but it is not working.  She is an angry old hag whose kids are useless, and she is clearly upset she is not making bank like Teresa.

Melissa is a fame whore who is so jealous of her sister-in-law that she is making it impossible for her husband to have any relationship with the sister that he loves.  It has become clear she is causing problems for Teresa and it’s sad because love Teresa or hate her, she is simple but sweet, and just trying to live in a bubble, which under the circumstances, I understand.

Jacqueline is not made for television.  She is boring, wishy-washy, and painfully uninteresting.  She has chosen to focus her love and attention on her new husband and children, excluding her daughter Ashlee, then spends all her time fake crying, complaining about Ashlee being unable to get her life together, and wondering shy she hates her mom so much.  Really?

Teresa seems lovely to me.  She is in person just as she is on television, and I think part of the problem for her, apart from her husband being a putz, is that she is the breakout star who turned her time on the show into an actual career, and the other women cannot stand her for it.  She is not particularly articulate, or familiar with English, but she is funny, kind, and great TV.

I started out wanting to blog this episode as a goodbye, but in the end I can’t do it.  It is a waste of my time to write a blog that will recount the endless attacks on each other. These women should be ashamed of themselves.  It is humiliating for their children to see what they have become, and they don’t seem to understand their kids will see it all.

I stopped blogging about The Real Housewives and OC, Atlanta, and Beverly Hills.  I am now also done with New Jersey.  I will give the new ladies of New York City a chance, but I’m guessing they will not be able to suck me in for the whole season.  This franchise revolutionized reality television and for all the good it did, it is now doing bad.  This show is no longer good.

The secret to keeping The Real Housewives franchise alive is to completely recast the show every 3 years.  It is the only way, and while the fans have all figured it out, Bravo has its nose so far up Andy Cohen’s ass, they have not yet noticed.  Andy Cohen is a genius, which makes his lapse of judgment hard to understand and impossible to forgive.  Andy Cohen sold out.

And so this shall be my farewell blog to New Jersey.  I’m sure I will watch on occasion, when I hear something interesting has happened, but my weekly RHoNJ is over.  I suppose I could change my mind because in the words of the divine Mr. Justin Bieber, never say never.  That said, Justin pulling up his pants is more likely than Bravo or Andy Cohen ever keeping it real.

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May 9, 2012 | 7:52 am

Celebrity Apprentice: Beauty & the Beast Go Home

Posted by Ilana Angel

We start this week with Lisa celebrating that Dayana has been sent home. She is miserable and it’s a real shame because she has built a career on being tough and raunchy, but still funny.  We have seen that in real life she is not tough, mean, and not that funny.

The task is to do an ad campaign for Elle Magazine that will feature the Chi touch screen hair dryer.  The owner of the company is there and he is on Aubrey like white on rice.  The Elle chick is beautiful, and the VP for the Chi company has a Sandusky vibe that is creepy.

In a random moment, Trump tells the Chi guy Aubrey has gotten more beautiful each week, the Chi says her hair is beautiful, and she says her color is natural.  Right.  They flirt with each other for a second which makes me throw up in my mouth for real.  This week will be weird.

Aubrey is taking over, doing everything, and giving Arsenio and Teresa useless duties to keep them out her way.  Over with Lisa and Clay, Lisa is happy to have it be just them because she likes Clay, but if he drops the ball she will throw him under the bus.  She’s in it to win.

Aubrey is doing a yoga, peace theme, which I think is lame.  Lisa is using a don’t judge a book by it’s cover theme, which makes no sense.  Both concepts are dumb and don’t focus on the product, but whatever. Lisa and Teresa are now going to negotiate for the models.

Lisa does not care what models they use, but Teresa is set on who she wants, so Lisa plays with her like a mouse plays with a cat.  She is bullying, manipulating, and confusing Teresa, which is sad, but hilarious.  Lisa is funny in this scene, which is a nice change.  Teresa is totally bulldozed.

Teresa caves and does what Lisa says, then tells the camera Lisa is dirty and she will fight back.  Teresa is obviously going home this week. She has done a great job here, I loved her on this show, and she can be proud of herself. She played fair and was ousted by a bitch.  It happens.

Aubrey is annoyed Teresa did not negotiate better.  Eric Trump arrives and they explain how Teresa tanked with Lisa, and he tells the camera she “may go home for this”.  Predictable.  Aubrey is explaining it all to Eric, Teresa is embarrassed, and we know how it ends so why watch?

Lisa goes shopping for their photo shoot.  Teresa is still pissed at Lisa for killing her in the negotiations, and Aubrey is saving the team by doing everything all by herself.  Aubrey could run the world.  Just ask her, she’ll tell you as much.  Repeatedly.

Aubrey offers to be a model.  She is out of control.  Bless her and her massive balls.  If Trump wanted the best player to win, it would be Aubrey.  The problem is that she is not humble, or kind, so we all think she is a skank.  Had she been nice, she’d be a fan favorite.  Too bad.

Clay is not able to do the job without Lisa, who returns late. Wth the clock ticking, they show Clay running around like a chicken with his head cut off, and Lisa eating.  It was not nice, but she deserves to be treated unkindly so she can get a taste of her own medicine.

Aubrey is having her picture taken and it’s hilarious. She is hanging out with her boobs exposed, talking about she should be a hair model.  I think she also said she invented cars, nail polish, and television, but I was pouring my wine and may have misheard her.  She’s out of control.

It’s presentation time and Teresa tanks.  Their campaign has nice pictures but no information.  The Chi guy is lusting after Aubrey, the VP guy is creepy, and the Elle chick is useless.  Without seeing the other team you know Teresa is losing and going home.

Clay and Lisa present, and while the pictures are not as nice, they have a better presentation.  Listening to the judges spend five minutes talking about the teams is boring and I’m skipping over it.  Blah. Blah. Blah.  Let me say again, this show should only be an hour long. ONE HOUR Trump!

We are 56 minutes into a two hour show and the boardroom has already started.  Really?  What the hell is going on here?  Trump starts with asking Teresa about the negotiations and I‘m bored.  There is nothing of any interest being said and I am resentful this is all they are giving us.

Eric and Don Jr. tell the teams what was good and bad.  Trump spends ten minutes asking everyone who should go home which is lame.  Who cares what they think?  Of course they all want to save themselves.  No big surprise here, Teresa loses and she’ll be out.

Important to note there are still 40 minutes left and I am not even listening anymore.  Teresa is trying to save herself, Arsenio is trying to say he actually did something, and Aubrey is sitting there with a smug look because she knows she is not going anywhere.  Teresa is out.

Aubrey and Teresa keep using the word, “overlook”,  but I think they mean, “oversee”, and it’s bugging me.  I’m pouring another glass of wine.  I see their mouths moving, but all I hear is the teacher from the old Charlie Brown cartoons.  I can’t understand anything they say.

With Teresa is out, Trump brings in John Rich and Marlee Matlin from last year to interview the final four.  I love Marlee and Rich but there is no way in hell I am sitting through this.  They are all begging to stay and it’s gross. I could have missed something good, but I don’t care.

Trump goes after Lisa for not being in control of her emotions, then out of nowhere, Lisa is canned.  The woman who has been fighting all season, kisses everyone, is sweet, kind and gracious.  Really? Totally disappointed that she did not leave guns blazing.

We are down to Aubrey, Arsenio and Clay.  Next week Arsenio will be fired in the first 10 minutes, and it will be down to Clay and Aubrey.  Aubrey will win.  It’s been a good but predictable season.  I’m in to the end, but glad it’s over and hope the finale can keep it real.

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May 1, 2012 | 9:04 pm

The Self-Destruction of Bethenny Continues

Posted by Ilana Angel

Bethenny Ever After continues to be a massive crock-pot of crap.  It is slow moving, repetitive, predictable, and painful to watch.  There are things that just don’t match up, which makes sense since this is a show about Bethenny and none of her stories add up.  She has been lying about her life for so long that she cannot help herself and needs to lie here too.  I watch this show with fascination and while I don’t blog about it on a regular basis, I have made myself a real margarita and have decided to jump back in this week.

We start the show with Bethenny, her castrated husband, and her paid friends still in Mexico.  It is unbelievable to me that Jason agrees to be on this show.  He went from being a delicious man I thought was fabulous, to a week man I have no respect for.  The relationship between Jason and Bethenny is odd.  There is no chemistry, no passion, no love, and apparently not even any like.  Since Bethenny loves therapy so much, they are going to music therapy, which is a pathetic way to fill an hour of television.

The music therapy is beyond stupid.  Bethenny is crude and inappropriate, Jason looks at her with a puzzled look that could be translated to either “What the hell am I doing here?” or, “Sitting is much more comfortable with no balls.”  It is 10 minutes of useless television that is not entertaining on any level.  The fact that the commercial breaks are almost five minutes long are a clear indication that they are scraping the editing room floor to pull together any semblance of a show.  This truly is a bunch of crap.

They go to a church, make lame jokes, and RaRa starts to cry. She misses her family, blah, blah, blah.  Bethenny tries to make us think she is the supportive and caring friend, but it’s stupid.  Then Jason walks off to give them a moment together, and Bethenny uses the time with RaRa to ask her if she will be Bryn’s mom should her and Jason die.  Is she freaking kidding me?  She is asking a woman to raise her child and does not think that Jason should be part of that special moment?  Bethenny is a raging bitch.

Julie is the Godmother, but she is not asked.  Jason has two loving and caring parents, but they are not asked.  Instead, this young woman, who they have known for a year, is going to raise their child should they die?  It’s strange and wrong.  There clearly has been a falling out of some kind with Bethenny and Julie and I’d love to know what it is.  Here’s an idea:  Bethenny is a selfish cow who took advantage of Julie and treated her like crap for so long that Julie bailed and now Bethenny is punishing her.  I got it!

They go to a cooking class and Bethenny, the chef, is overwhelmed.  Really? I’m skipping over this part.  Cut to Jason and Bethenny having drinks with the paid friends, and Jason tells Bethenny, in front of everyone, that they have a problem with the apartment.  Bethenny reacts by calling him an f’ing liar in front of everyone.  What is this man thinking?  Bethenny is revolting, Jason is pathetic, these young girls working for her are sad, and this show is embarrassing.  I am happily watching though because my drink is perfect.

Since they have so much luck on boats, and Jason gets sea sick, they decide to take a boat ride.  Maggie the newest and youngest paid friend has a small breakdown and bails on the boat ride.  Julie tells Jason she is tired and could not take the job anymore.  Not buying it.  Bethenny let her down and that is why she is bailing.  If they think we are going to believe that she is leaving because she is tired then they are insane.  One cannot watch this show and not wonder about the mental wellness of Andy Cohen, because he has lost his mind.

Jason and Bethenny are having dinner alone and the fighting starts almost immediately.  It’s boring and I can’t take it.  They cannot stand to be together so why are they?  She cares more about her business than her husband, and he is more of a sperm donor than a husband, so it’s just a mess. This is not good television.  Bethenny is self-destructing and while I thought it would be fun to watch, in the end, not so much.  It’s exhausting, and as a viewer I feel manipulated and disrespected.  Shame on me for watching.

Bethenny is fake crying which is hilarious.  She sniffs, has no tears, and wants us to think she is sad?  Okay. He blames her, she blames him, and it’s a vicious cycle.  She is complaining about how poor she was which is ridiculous. Jason storms off, then returns.  By returns of course I mean it was edited to look like he came back, but I think he simply bailed.  This show is out of control and while I like to think I’m done, I will be back next week because I am the only one who is willing to discuss Bethenny and keep it real.

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May 1, 2012 | 4:47 pm

Shahs of Sunset Finale Recap - Finally!

Posted by Ilana Angel

I don’t know what is harder to believe, that the first season of Shahs of Sunset is over, or that someone at Bravo actually thought that 6 weeks of this show would be enough.  Really Bravo?  We are hooked, and now we are also pissed.  These people make for good television and 6 weeks is lame.  We were just starting to figure this group out and they are done.  Not cool.

It’s been a couple of weeks since the show ended, and I figured I would finally get around to blogging the finale.  The good news is that it has been announced that season two is coming.  I really hope Seacrest Productions will not set up as many scenes, and just let these people loose.  They are fascinating and interesting without all the fake stuff thrown in.

The finale starts with Mike and GG hanging out and it’s awkward.  GG clearly sees their relationship differently and you can’t help but wonder why.  She thinks there is underlying love between them, but she is just the little sister of someone he once dated.  She is flirting with him and he is telling her there is never going to be anything between them.  It’s odd.

She is in love with him, but he is not in love with her.  If he dated my sister it would be enough for me to not date him, but she seems either determined or delusional.  Does she really like him or is she so competitive with her sister she wants him just to say she got him?  I like Mike and think he handles GG well.  I like GG, but she needs to move on and let go.

MJ goes to visit Reza and they talk about his trip to New York and the fact that he has reconciled his relationship with his dad.  In his quest for peace with his dad, he wants to have peace between MJ and her mom.  It’s quite mean.  Reza tells MJ that her mother does no love her and it’s too much.  I thought it was harsh, mean spirited, and simply not nice.

MJ says that her mom loves her, she is just mean to her, and it’s heartbreaking.  MJ’s mother Vida is hardened by her life and sadly does not see that she is dumping her crap on her only child.  Divorce can screw people up in the most loving of families, but with a mother like Vida it is made even harder.  I believe she loves her in her own crazy way.

MJ is getting ready for a double date with Sammy.  She is setting him up with a nice Jewish girl, and he is bringing a nice Persian guy for her.  She has not been on a date in a while so she is excited.  She gets dolled up and is going with an open mind.  We meet the girl she picked for him and she is very pretty and seems sweet.  MJ’s date?  Not so much.

Sammy brings a guy that MJ actually dated before.  They had a relationship years ago and Sammy thought it was worth them trying again.  Really Sammy?  MJ looks like she wants to kill herself, Sammy could care less about her discomfort, and his date is clearly not into him. They go into the bar and MJ wants to sit as far away from her date as possible.

He is creepy looking, lusting over MJ, and she is checked out.  The girl for Sammy is looking at him and clearly wondering what the hell she is doing there.  He then tells her she needs to be a little more toned.  This is a very pretty girl with a nice body, and Sammy is telling her she needs to get toned?  Sammy?  Toned? This scene makes him look like a putz, which he is not.

Over with MJ, her date has his hands all over her and not only is she is not into it, but while she is being mauled, Sammy does not seem to care. Sammy’s date Hannah is getting annoyed that Sammy is not helping MJ and before they know it MJ bails.  Not sure I would have left my girlfriend there with them, but she bails and Sammy thinks she is simply in the bathroom.

I love me some Sammy but this was just lame.  He should never have set her up with such a loser, especially a loser she has dated before.  He is oblivious to what he’s done which makes him a douchebag.  Cut to Reza and MJ going for a walk with the dogs and she tells him all about the date.  Important to note: Reza is perfect reality television.  A star is born.

He is sympathizing with MJ and goes back and forth between English and Farsi, which I love.  Mike calls to say he has closed a deal and wants everyone to get together to celebrate.  Cute Reza makes sure it’s cool with MJ as Sammy will be there.  How can you not love Reza?  By love him of course I mean gay or not, I would date Reza.  He is fabulous.

GG is out on a date with a very handsome Persian doctor and she is very nervous which is cute, but she is socially awkward, which is hilarious.  He arrives before her and orders a drink, which she is clearly annoyed with.  I agree.  Don’t order until I get there.  It’s called manners.  GG is trying to eat soup with noodles and I feel bad for how ridiculous she looks.

GG gives up on the soup and tells the nice handsome doctor that she likes crazy people like Dahmer and Manson.  She then tells him her baby factory is open.  It is a horrible date and you have to wonder if all her dates are like this.  She is beautiful, but in need of some dating lessons.  I love this girl and even though she is a little rough around the edges, she is a doll.

Asa is with the Persian Barbara Walters and she is asking her for guidance in a completely passive aggressive way.  It’s scripted and fake and a total drag because had this been an organic conversation, it would have been fascinating.  Instead it’s a fake conversation on the beach and I’m over it. Asa is talented, but she is whoring her work out and it’s not cute.

Sammy goes to meet MJ for a chat so there is no tension at Mike’s celebratory dinner and he approaches her starting a fight.  It is a he said/she said thing and frankly, I don’t care. Both behaved badly but Sammy brought her ex so at the end of the day he is to blame.  His humiliating her on television is a low blow and he looks like a schmuck.  Again.

I love Sammy but he is wrong here.  He never should have said he struggled to get her a date.  Not good Sammy.  He then walks out on her and so payback is complete.  Move on kids.  MJ is with Asa and it’s fake.  It pisses me off because it’s just not needed here.  There are plenty of reality shows that need help, but these people are good being authentic.

MJ is out for lunch with her mom and it’s brutal.  I like Vida.  By like of course I mean I feel sorry for her that she has allowed her own sadness and bitterness to dictate how she parents her daughter.  It’s sad.  MJ asks her if she is proud of her and her mom can’t say it.  It’s very upsetting to watch and I feel horrible for MJ that this is their relationship.

That said, I think her having this conversation on camera is not nice.  She is humiliating her mother and that’s not cool.  Vida is mean and that is never going to change so the only reason to do it on the show is to embarrass her.  For her mom to say MJ is not marriage material is a stab to the heart and my advice to MJ would be to get distance.

Asa has a party to show her art and play her song and it’s lovely.  Her parents are adorable, the house is fabulous, Reza is delicious, her art is interesting, and her music is quite good.  I wish her well and am glad this show was able to springboard her career.  However, don’t say you don’t want to sell out, then do a reality show and exploit yourself.

We see Reza having a conversation with his dad and yes, I cried.  I love Reza and think he is a role model for men, gay or straight.  The dinner is a way to wrap up the season and it’s really nice.  We see that at the core of these people is friendship.  They love each other and that allows us to easily love them also.  We end the season wanting more, which is a home run.

Mike, GG, Reza, MJ, Sammy, Asa are real people which makes this reality show entertaining.  I will watch them when they come back for season two and look forward to seeing how things will change, or perhaps stay the same. This show was a huge hit and I get it.  We watch not to see a train wreck, but rather because we crave a reality show that keeps it real.

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April 30, 2012 | 9:46 pm

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Hate Teresa

Posted by Ilana Angel

I like this show even though the women featured are fake on many levels. They live lives that they want us to think are fabulous, but what they show us is not necessarily true.  They are decent and hardworking people, who also happen to be dysfunctional and living in denial about how much money they have, and how they got it.  The chicks of New Jersey are fascinating.

The leader of the pack for me is Teresa.  I like her, but I didn’t always.  I watch these shows and write about what I see each week, and over the years I have not liked Teresa at certain times.  That said, I really like her now. She is great television and when I interviewed her it was over for me.  I freaking love this chick and she is the star of the show in my opinion.

Not only is she my favorite, she is also the break out star. Actually, Milania is the star of the show, but since she is not a housewife I cannot really give her the #1 spot.  Teresa is funny, simple, compelling, and sweet.  Everyone on this show hates her.  The jealousy they all feel for her palpable and the focus of the editing which is a shame and bad decision from Bravo.

I will watch, and blog, for now.  Honestly though, I have stopped watching and blogging about Atlanta and Orange County because they are simply bad television.  If Bravo sticks with the everyone be mean and hate on Teresa plot, I will be out of this one too.  Sidebar:  Andy lets people crap all over Teresa on WWHL and it is embarrassing.  Grow some balls Andy.

We start the show with Jacqueline sending Ashlee off to Vegas.  First of all, I do not get why Jac is on this show.  She is boring and brings nothing to the table.  She is also more focused on her new family than she is on helping her daughter.  She is not doing a good job in my opinion and her crying about how hard it is for her is sickening already.  She is beyond boring.

We skip over to Lauren who tells us she left Chateau after her opening and you have to wonder what the hell she’s been doing this whole time besides eating.  She is at a nutritionist with her mom and is going to try to lose weight.  She is a beautiful girl and if she loses weight or not, this is a sweet girl.  She is clearing looking for a diet endorsement deal, which is lame.

Teresa is with Juicy and they are talking about the pizza parlor closing.  I feel bad for Teresa.  Her husband is out of control.  I believe he is cheating, embarrassing his children and humiliating his wife.  Teresa loves him and he does not seem to get it or care.  I hope they work it out but I’m not sure they can.  I wish for Teresa all the things that she wishes for herself.

Rich is out with his son Joe teaching him about life and it’s lame.  I like this family but lately Rich has been a little mean and two faced so he is not that interesting anymore.  Kathy is a follower not a leader and she borders on pathetic.  They don’t have anything to show about Kathy and Rich so they bring in their kids, but they are not that interesting either.  Too bad.

Albie is driving Ashlee to the airport and as much as I love my readers and want to provide them with a thorough recap, I cannot listen to this.  Ashlee is ridiculous.  Albie is ridiculous.  I cannot do it.  She is wishing she could be drunk, and talking about things that prove we are not dealing with a scientist here.  She is a mess and the blame can be placed on her mom.

Joe and Melissa are up next trying to show us they are successful and rich. Melissa is complaining about Teresa and I don’t get the point of it.  Do they want us to think they are rich?  Is showing his booming business right after they show us Joe’s failing business supposed to make them look fabulous? The editing here is shameful and Melissa is shady.  Not cool.

Ashlee misses her plane and Jac is gross about it.  She really does not seem to care about this child and makes no attempt to hide it.  She did not hug or kiss her good bye, and is annoyed she is coming back to the house.  Jac is humiliating her kid and I think that is wrong. I am skipping over the Ashlee is a moron segment and will return when I can stomach this crap.

Everyone is now at Jac’s house, with Teresa on the way.  Melissa and Joe are trashing Teresa and Caroline and Kathy jump on the bandwagon.  Teresa arrives looking gorgeous, while Caroline looks like crap. She apologizes again for her any hurt feeling her book caused and it’s stupid.  It was not an apology, which is fine because she does not owe anyone anything.

This is a group of people who are jealous.  They cannot stand that Teresa is the only one to turn the show into a moneymaker.  Black Water? On Display? Kathy’s Bakery?  No success here at all.  Melissa makes a dig at Teresa and it’s dumb.  Bravo is systematically ruining every city in this franchise, making it impossible to watch.  I will be sad to give up New Jersey.

The men go to play poker while the women stay in the kitchen.  Cut to the next day and Juicy has a black eye. Turns out Juicy and Rich got into a little wrestling match and end up getting into a fight.  We learn that Rich does not have balls and Juicy likes to grab balls.  With each passing moment I feel more sorry for Teresa. She is rich in success and poor in support.

We are back with Kathy and her family and I want to go to bed.  These kids and this family are not interesting so why bore us in this way?  I have no idea what is happening in this scene because I am checked out.  Some kid is sending naked pics to Kathy’s son and she is mortified, but he is thrilled. Does anyone in the world think this scene was interesting?  Not me.

Melissa is recording her new song and I want to impale myself.  Dear Lord, why are we spending so much time watching her get auto-tuned?  Just when I think I might choke on my own vomit, it’s Milania time.  I LOVE THIS LITTLE GIRL.  Every one of Teresa’s kids is divine and these girls need their own show.  They are all fabulous but Milania is simply perfection.

Joe is home with the girls alone and it’s sad.  He is not focused on the kids and Gia is acting like the caretaker, which makes me cringe because she is just a little girl.  Juicy has the boys over for cards and it’s lame.  We know what happened here and it’s been months, so why bore us now?  Surely they had better footage than this.  Juicy is a douche, but so are the other men.

Teresa is at a book signing and some chick goes off about Juicy and his court case and it’s painfully scripted.  Meanwhile Melissa and Joe Gorga are having dinner and she has a surprise for him.  He guesses she is pregnant, but the surprise is her presentation of her new ballad.  She is dedicating it to him and call me nuts, but I love Joe and how he loves Melissa. 

The song is not that great and I wonder if she actually wrote it.  She said it was about her thoughts about Joe, but if she didn’t write it then whose thoughts are they?  I think she probably has a nice voice but they are making her into a pop star which she is just too old to be.  She should have focused on being a singer not on reliving her childhood dreams.

Chris Manzo is talking and I’m not listening.  Why in the world do we care about any of the Manzo kids?  Enough.  Joe loves the song from Melissa and rewards her with some poison.  Jac pulls out baby pictures and pretends to be sad about Ashlee, and I could care less about any of it.  This show is about hating Teresa because everyone else on the show is boring.

This week WWHL was a continuation of the Teresa bashing. Kelly Osbourne went on and on about how horrible Teresa is and Andy said nothing.  Jac humiliates her daughter relentlessly, and then says she is great now.  This show is a hot mess of crap and next week looks like a train wreck but rather than the good reality TV kind, it is the kind that is unable to keep it real.

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