January 29, 2013 | 10:00 am

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Bash LeAnn Rimes

Posted by Ilana Angel

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I am blogging this week having just returned from Brandi Glanville’s book launch.  Oh. My. God. This woman is hilarious. If you have ever had your heart broken, sent a drunk text, felt you would never be able to love again, or had your husband cheat with a bunch of whores including a washed up country singer with an unfortunate face, then this book is for you.  It is funny, smart, unfiltered, and pure Brandi.  I read it last night and it made me tear up and laugh out loud.  Brandi Glanville is fabulous.

We begin our week of Beverly Hills in Malibu.  Funny that not a lot of these women actually live in Beverly Hills.  We are with Yolanda who has prepared lunch for her friend Suzanne Summers, Kyle, and Lisa.  They are going to talk hormones and vitamins.  Suzanne is 66 years old and she looks remarkable.  Truly a well preserved human specimen.  Yolanda is channeling her inner Martha Stuart.  If Martha Stewart were socially awkward.  She is just a little rough around the edges when it comes to people.

Perhaps it is because she is European, but she says some cringe worthy things in my opinion.  That said, I am starting to really like her.  Sidebar: She was on Watch What Happens Live and was quite charming.  It has taken a minute but as I figure her out she becomes more likable and quite entertaining.  Kyle is sucking up to the celebrity, Lisa could care less about the celebrity, and it is predictable.  Kyle seems to think she is a celebrity and she is not.  She is simply famous.  Not the same thing.

Brandi has been asked to host some events in Vegas and part of it is to pole dance.  She goes to a pole dancing lesson but it would appear lessons are not in order.  Could her legs be any longer? Over at Kyle’s, she is having a dinner for her daughter who is graduating from middle school.  No matter how many times she prances out her beautiful children, she is still not likeable.  The fact that her own sisters did not come to the party, but she dragged in Adrienne and Faye, speaks volumes about who she is.

Adrienne comes and complains, Faye acts like people care about what she is saying, and I feel bad for the little girl that her mother used her party for camera time.  Kyle cries and it is really fascinating how she has mastered the fake cry.  Note to Kyle:  If you want us to really believe you are crying, tears are required.  From Kyle to Kim, we are now visiting a whole other kind of crazy.   Kim is hanging pictures and while I am thrilled for her sobriety, she is a nut job.  A very strange and possibly drunk woman.

She has decided to have a nose job.  An extreme way to get a prescription for pain killers, but to each their own.  Brandi is packing for Vegas and as she pulls things out of her closet I can picture LeAnn Rimes sitting at home taking pictures of each piece so she can run out and buy them.  Over with Marisa, she is packing with her mom.  Dear Lord this Mom is something else.  It is too early to tell if she is fabulous or a nightmare.  I like her but that relationship is a lot of work and I like Marisa more now.

Brandi, her BFF Jennifer, Lisa, Kyle, Camille and Marisa are off to Vegas while Yolanda stays home for the first night to welcome her husband home. They have an old fashioned relationship, and I like it.  She is playing the game and so good for her.  He’s a little creepy in how he speaks of her, but he also loves her in a way that I think is sexy.  Yolanda spends the night with her hubs while the ladies are out for dinner in Vegas.  It is an interesting group so we will see how the trip plays out and who cries.

Brandi tells Marisa that her husband loves her more than she loves him. Marisa says that is their banter and they are great.  Really?  We are not seeing that.  Marisa needs to love on her hubs.  Brandi is trying to explain to Kyle that they need to be kind and Kyle is listening but if you watch her closely, you can see her wheels spinning on how to make the conversation about her and not Brandi.  Then Camille swoops in and makes it about her. Nicely done.  Why is Camille even here? I thought she bailed.

They are talking about sex, divorce and heartache.  We get some insight into how Brandi found out, while pregnant, that her douchelord husband was cheating with LeAnn Rimes.  Then we get reality television gold when the ladies start bashing LeAnn.  I LOVE that they care calling out the crazy that is LeAnn Rimes.  In my opinion, LeAnn Rimes is a horrible human being.   She is mean, calculated, spiteful, pathetic, and unstable.  It’s only a matter of time before Karma comes knocking at her door. Any minute now.

The ladies are now talking about vaginas and oysters.  Really?   We are then asked to watch Kim get her nose consultation. Really?  Yolanda arrives in Vegas and we are off to the pole.  Brandi is nervous and it is adorable.  The reaction to her stumbling through is sweet.  This is the first time the ladies appear to actually like each other.  Brandi finds her way and in the end the women are all likeable, which never happens. All this niceness means a blow out is coming so get your wine ready because they’re about to keep it real.

Please check out my new web seris "THE REAL DEAL".  It fearures our first guest, the delicious Brandi Glanville.  There are some sound issuess, but we are working on correcting those.  Enjoy!

November 5, 2012 | 8:32 pm

Real Housewives Beverly Hills Premiere Recap

Posted by Ilana Angel

Joe Pugliese/Bravo © NBC Universal, Inc.

The ladies are back, and for reasons I will never understand, Kim and Taylor are included.  Fascinating that they were not let go, but I guess Bravo truly has no boundaries in how they like to hang people out to dry. I am going into the season with an open mind on all the women, and no plans to hold back.

Here is the cast with their opening lines, and translations, to help get us started on this train ride through hell.

Lisa:  “Life isn’t all diamonds and rose, but it should be.”
Translation: I’m not sweating the small stuff with these witches.

Brandi: “Money doesn’t give you class, it just gives you money.”
Translation: These jealous bitches are no better than me.

Adrienne: “Know your friends, show your enemies the door.”
Translation: I have no friends because I am mean and selfish.

Taylor: “I fought too hard for this zip code to go home now.”
Translation: I helped kill my husband and got away with it.

Yolanda: “I like to have fun, but I don’t play games.”
Translation: I have no idea who I want to be on this show yet.

Kim: “Life is a journey and I am finding myself everyday.”
Translation:  Why did my sponsor let me do this?

Kyle: “I’m born and raised in Beverly Hills. This is my town.”
Translation: I was born in Hollywood, but who really cares?

We start off at Lisa’s new house.  Jiggy looks fabulous and Brandi is over for a visit.  Brandi is the first to see the house and happy about it, while Lisa is glad she gave Brandi a fair shot because they have now become good friends.  They are fun together and while it feels Lisa is somewhat mortified by Brandi at times, it seems like a genuine friendship.

The house is truly fabulous.  Lisa’s closet made me have heart palpitations. For real.  Brandi’s reaction to the closet is “F you”, which is exactly what I would have said.  Brandi flirts with Ken, Ken dutifully blushes, Lisa thinks maybe she should loan him out just to not have to have sex with them, and I like the dynamic. It’s good Brandi has an ally in Lisa.

Lisa is having a party at her restaurant and did not invited Adrienne.  They are no longer friends, but Lisa is open to an apology for how she behaved at the reunion.  Brandi is trying too hard, but she will settle in.  Over to Kyle, she tells us her relationship with Kim is still strained.  Mauricio gives her a Maserati and it is lame.  I don’t like her at all.

She is unkind to her sister and I know she is going to simply be mean.  She drives off in the car and I’m grossed out.  No mention of the fact that he made the money selling Lisa’s house, before she threw her under the bus. Kyle cannot be trusted in my opinion and its going to take a lot for me to get her.  As for Adrienne, all I can say who cares?

Adrienne and Paul are out for dinner, pretending to love each other, but we know it was already ending then.  Taylor calls and tells her she wants to go shopping for Lisa’s party, and the cat is out of the bag.  Adrienne now knows she was not invited.  Sidebar:  Adrienne looks just like Barbara Eden.  The amount of work she hass had done is insane.

We’re off to Malibu to meet Yolanda, who is very pretty, in an unreal way. Her Malibu home is spectacular.  We learn that Yolanda is the ex-wife of creepy Mohamed, and is now married to music mogul David Foster.  They have been together six years and while I think it’s lovely how she shares her romantic side, it’s going to get old.  I like her though.

Kim is off to see her sister Kathy for lunch.  She is filming the show one month after getting out of rehab.  Really? Why the hell is she on this show?  It is a disservice to Kim for Bravo to have allowed it.  I feel bad even writing about her because she is simply not well.  I will do it of course, by I feel bad about it.  Kim lets us know she is not good with Kyle.

Kathy is helping Kim’s daughter pick a prom dress when Kyle walks in. The energy immediately shifts.  Kyle sucks the joy out of the room.  Kim talks about how strained their relationship is, and Kyle talks about rehab.  I like Kim and feel for her, but it is difficult to watch.  I want to hug her while Kyle accidently trips down some stairs.

Lisa is visiting Brandi and talking about the party at Villa Blanca.  Brandi is not excited to see Taylor.  The sexual jokes extend to the dogs, which is not that funny.  Poor girl needs to relax.  Kyle’s youngest daughter is having a birthday and she is calling the ladies to invite them to her party. Kyle’s use of her child to make us like her is not cool.

Why does Kyle need to say Kim is sober every single time she mentions her? Brandi accidentally invites herself to the party and we are all clear that Beverly Hills is the most scripted of all housewives cities.  We jump to Taylor, which to be honest, pisses me off.  She should have been fired.  The taping is 9 months after Russell killed himself.

Her face looks completely distorted.  She is shopping and Adrienne joins her. Adrienne needs a stylist and Taylor needs a therapist.  Adrienne can’t fake liking her husband, even when he is not there.  Taylor apologizes for Lisa not inviting her to the party, and Adrienne is hurt and annoyed.  I would not have invited her either. Adrienne was horrible.

It’s time for the Villa Blanca party.  Yolanda shows up, Kim is in a sea of free drinks, Kyle arrives, and the fake kisses are off the charts.   Taylor arrives, followed by Brandi, who upon meeting Yolanda for the first time, reports that Yolanda has slept with everyone ion town.  Wowzer.  Poor Brandi is going to rub a lot of people the wrong way.

Important to note that this is just a TV show and my opinion is one of millions.  I like Bandi and Lisa so I have their backs.  I will also call them out if I think they are lame becasue that is how I roll.  If you don't like that I am openly a team player, it's cool.  No harm no foul, but it's my blog and I get to decide.  Team Keeping it Real!

Yolanda tells Kim, Kyle and Taylor that Brandi said she slept with everyone in town, but they think she was talking about herself, not Yolanda, and Yolanda does not correct them.  I get it’s a party and maybe it was confusing, but Yolanda is either a bitch, or a classy lady.  I’m going with lady until she makes me think otherwise.  I dig her.

Adrienne sends flowers to the party for Lisa, which is pathetic. Kyle picks a fight with Kim and we are right back where we started.   We didn’t learn a lot during the premiere, but it was enough for me to say I will blog it.  For now.  The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills are unreal, but it’s cool because I will happily be the one to keep it real.

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September 23, 2012 | 10:50 pm

RHONJ Finale is Not Worthy of a Recap

Posted by Ilana Angel

Photo by Tommy Garcia/Bravo

I love recapping this show because there are always a million little things that I notice and like to talk about.  It has been a difficult season to watch because its been so dark, but venting about it was fun for me.  Tonight’s season finale however, was simply disgusting and not worthy of a recap.

Bravo is systematically ruining lives and not providing their loyal audience with any entertainment.  It is mean women, embarrassing men, fractured families, fake friendships, and grown up people behaving badly.  This show is a train wreck and someone at Bravo needs to be held accountable.

The nightmare behavior is not limited to the women on the show, as it transcends to the viewer.  The audience has picked sides of their favorite housewives, and watch as if the show is based in reality.  The desire to ruin lives has transcended the stars and passed onto the fans on Twitter.

I was glad the season came to an end, and then we were shown a preview of the reunion shows.  Dear Lord, it will never end.  The reunion is going to be brutal and it’s upsetting.  There is no entertainment to be found.  We are all gathered around our televisions watching a train wreck.

To clarify this is not a basic run of the mill reality show train wreck. Families have been broken, lives have been ruined, accusations have been flung, secrets have been told, hearts have been broken, and there is blood on the hands of the people at Bravo who allowed it to happen.

As viewers, we are hearing many sides to every story and the truth is that even the people on the show seem to be confused and unclear as to what the truth is.  We have been shown such an edited version of what happened that we truly have no idea what is true and what is fabricated.

As viewers, we have an obligation to each other, and the women we love to watch, to simply look away.  If they bring this cast back, we have to stop watching.  We are participating in the nightmare by tuning in.  A message must be sent to Bravo that we are united, and we are done.

I will blog the reunion because there will be things to be said, but for the finale, this is all I can muster up.  Shame on Bravo for creating such a mess, shame on the stars for allowing it to happen, and shame on us for getting sucked into the madness.  Bravo is no longer keeping it real.

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