May 5, 2012 | 11:41 am

The Painfully Predictable Celebrity Apprentice

Posted by Ilana Angel

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This show has become so painful to watch it is has taken me almost a week to blog about it.  I watched it on Sunday with all of you, and sat down a half dozen times to write about it, and just couldn’t do it.  I feel like every week is the same show.  The players are predicable, Trump is predictable, that I will need a minimum of three drinks to get through it, is predicable.

We start with Aubrey giving her charity a check for $50K.  She makes it all about her not the charity, which I think is gross.  The funny thing is when the employee from GLISTEN comes in to get the money, she puts out her hand to shake with Aubrey, and Aubrey goes in for the hug.  Not sure why I thought this was funny, but that she was not into the hug, was entertaining.

Dayana is project manager of Clay and Lisa.  Arsenio is leader of Teresa and Aubrey.  They need to write a jingle for an RV company.  As the teams are leaving to start the task, Trump reminds us Aubrey is a Playboy model not a singer, and wishes Dayana luck, which means she will be the one to go home this week.  It’s so predictable I need to drink.

Dayana does not know what a jingle is, and assumes it has to do with Christmas.  Clay is explaining to Dayana that the melody should come before the lyrics, and Lisa agrees as if she is a music mogul.  Dayana is so sweet, so pretty, and so dumb.  Lisa is so mean, so ugly, and so rude.  Clay is resentful he is not team leader as he is the only one with the ability to win this one.

Arsenio and Aubrey are fighting while poor Teresa is stuck in the car with the lunatics.  Aubrey suggests Arsenio tap dances, which puts him over the edge.  She tells the camera Arsenio is a girl who wears cheerleading outfits at home.  Aubrey O’Day is an ugly human being.  Her voice, hair, makeup, and injected lips make me want to punch something.  Like a face. Hers.

The executive comes to meet with Arsenio’s team and Aubrey takes over and manipulates Arsenio to do what she wanted to do from the beginning.  She’s good.  A complete bitch, but good.  Meanwhile Clay and Lisa are in sync about their song, and Dayana is simply not getting it.  She also has a chip on her shoulder.  It’s justified I suppose, but getting old already.

Arsenio has decided the best way for his team to win is to kiss Aubrey’s ass so she doesn’t get pissed off.  Good call.  Over with Clay, he and Lisa hate Dayana and let the camera know she is useless, not needed, and slowing them down.  It’s add because she is very sweet, but making a complete fool out of herself because she is a fish out of water and has no clue.

Don Jr. goes to check on the teams and for some reason takes Aubrey off alone to talk to her.  She throws Arsenio under the bus and it’s gross. Almost as gross as her flirting with all the Trumps, and their seeming to like it. Arsenio thinks kissing her ass and taking control, but she is eating him alive, then spitting him out all over the floor and stepping on him.

Don then goes to see Clay’s team and all hell breaks loose.  Dayana says Clay and Lisa are not respecting her, and Lisa starts screaming and crying.  Again.  She storms off in a rage having told Don Jr. Dayana is a moron.  It’s entertaining I suppose, but we see it coming so it’s really just silly. Dayana tries to talk to Lisa and she tells her to F off. Lisa is a hot mess.

Lisa is being a child, telling Dayana that unless she says she’s sorry, she is not interested in talking to her.  Dayana is talking smack about Lisa, which is true, but makes her look like as much of a baby as Lisa.  Dayana is on the verge of tears, and Lisa vows to bury her in the boardroom.  They set it all up for us, which is a drag.  Dayana is getting fried. Predictable.

Arsenio is sweet and I like him so it’s sad to watch him talk about how great Aubrey is being on the task, when she is crapping all over him to the camera. He must be watching this at home and wishing he had smacked her.  Or perhaps regretting that he allowed her crotch to rest on his neck.  I bet he’s not thinking she is too cute right now.  Poor guy is being humiliated.

Aubrey flashes her Spanx again, and takes over the whole show.  Arsenio is pissed she has taken over, but is not willing to acknowledge she had to because he was not doing his job.  Clay finally loses it on Dayana and starts screaming at her.  Then turns to Lisa for back up.  Dayana needs to get fired so this show can get interesting again. She is wrecking it.

The teams present their jingles.  I happen to think that both of them were horrible.  I had never heard of the company “Good Sam’s”, and based on these two jingles I will forget them by the time the show is over.  It’s a drag for these companies that they spend time and money to be on this show and then get nothing out of it.  Blah, blah, blah.  So boring.

We are now in the boardroom.  Lisa and Dayana are going at it and it’s quite funny.  Dayana is calm and ladylike while Lisa is unraveling.  Lisa cries and is simply out of control.  She is talking again about how successful she is, and how she has risen to the top in a man’s world.  It’s a broken record of the Lisa Show.  Fire Dayana already. I can’t drink anymore!

Aubrey gets into the drama and it’s not even her team.  Ivanka is talking about how it may be a failure of leadership on Dayana’s part, and Aubrey jumps right in and says she can lead anyone and that is why she is so great.  Lisa is going off and I must tell you, I’m actually liking her right now.  “This is not Celebrity Ms. Universe.”  It’s freaking awesome.

Dayana says Lisa cries too much, which pisses me off too.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with crying.  Lisa and Dayana are battling and everyone else is laughing.  Clay is turning red and holding in his laughter, which is brilliant.  Trump turns to Clay for some insight and Clay says that while he may not have said it the same way, he agrees with Lisa.

Clay is trying to be sweet and does a good job I guess.  He can be bitchy, but he is mellowing out, coming into his own, owning his talent, and kicking some ass.  As predicted, based on the predictability of this train wreck, Arsenio’s team wins and we will now watch Lisa and Dayana fight a little bit more before she finally has her gorgeous ass sent home.

Dayana, who bitched Lisa out for crying so much, starts to quiver and you know a cry is right there waiting to come out.  Awesome.  I hope she starts bawling.  Clay says he does not respect Dayana.  Trump tells her she is fabulous then fires her and Clay tries to look sad but it’s not cutting it.  Lisa hugs her goodbye and says she is a good person.  Really?

Lisa attempting to be nice to Dayana was stupid and I expected more from her.  Dayana’s parting words are that the players should not be evil, dishonest, or fake. Beautiful, but dumb.  Next week two are eliminated and I predict Teresa and Arsenio will be out.  By next week, of course I mean tomorrow.  I will try to blog in a more timely fashion. Waiting a week is not keeping it real!

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May 1, 2012 | 9:04 pm

The Self-Destruction of Bethenny Continues

Posted by Ilana Angel

Bethenny Ever After continues to be a massive crock-pot of crap.  It is slow moving, repetitive, predictable, and painful to watch.  There are things that just don’t match up, which makes sense since this is a show about Bethenny and none of her stories add up.  She has been lying about her life for so long that she cannot help herself and needs to lie here too.  I watch this show with fascination and while I don’t blog about it on a regular basis, I have made myself a real margarita and have decided to jump back in this week.

We start the show with Bethenny, her castrated husband, and her paid friends still in Mexico.  It is unbelievable to me that Jason agrees to be on this show.  He went from being a delicious man I thought was fabulous, to a week man I have no respect for.  The relationship between Jason and Bethenny is odd.  There is no chemistry, no passion, no love, and apparently not even any like.  Since Bethenny loves therapy so much, they are going to music therapy, which is a pathetic way to fill an hour of television.

The music therapy is beyond stupid.  Bethenny is crude and inappropriate, Jason looks at her with a puzzled look that could be translated to either “What the hell am I doing here?” or, “Sitting is much more comfortable with no balls.”  It is 10 minutes of useless television that is not entertaining on any level.  The fact that the commercial breaks are almost five minutes long are a clear indication that they are scraping the editing room floor to pull together any semblance of a show.  This truly is a bunch of crap.

They go to a church, make lame jokes, and RaRa starts to cry. She misses her family, blah, blah, blah.  Bethenny tries to make us think she is the supportive and caring friend, but it’s stupid.  Then Jason walks off to give them a moment together, and Bethenny uses the time with RaRa to ask her if she will be Bryn’s mom should her and Jason die.  Is she freaking kidding me?  She is asking a woman to raise her child and does not think that Jason should be part of that special moment?  Bethenny is a raging bitch.

Julie is the Godmother, but she is not asked.  Jason has two loving and caring parents, but they are not asked.  Instead, this young woman, who they have known for a year, is going to raise their child should they die?  It’s strange and wrong.  There clearly has been a falling out of some kind with Bethenny and Julie and I’d love to know what it is.  Here’s an idea:  Bethenny is a selfish cow who took advantage of Julie and treated her like crap for so long that Julie bailed and now Bethenny is punishing her.  I got it!

They go to a cooking class and Bethenny, the chef, is overwhelmed.  Really? I’m skipping over this part.  Cut to Jason and Bethenny having drinks with the paid friends, and Jason tells Bethenny, in front of everyone, that they have a problem with the apartment.  Bethenny reacts by calling him an f’ing liar in front of everyone.  What is this man thinking?  Bethenny is revolting, Jason is pathetic, these young girls working for her are sad, and this show is embarrassing.  I am happily watching though because my drink is perfect.

Since they have so much luck on boats, and Jason gets sea sick, they decide to take a boat ride.  Maggie the newest and youngest paid friend has a small breakdown and bails on the boat ride.  Julie tells Jason she is tired and could not take the job anymore.  Not buying it.  Bethenny let her down and that is why she is bailing.  If they think we are going to believe that she is leaving because she is tired then they are insane.  One cannot watch this show and not wonder about the mental wellness of Andy Cohen, because he has lost his mind.

Jason and Bethenny are having dinner alone and the fighting starts almost immediately.  It’s boring and I can’t take it.  They cannot stand to be together so why are they?  She cares more about her business than her husband, and he is more of a sperm donor than a husband, so it’s just a mess. This is not good television.  Bethenny is self-destructing and while I thought it would be fun to watch, in the end, not so much.  It’s exhausting, and as a viewer I feel manipulated and disrespected.  Shame on me for watching.

Bethenny is fake crying which is hilarious.  She sniffs, has no tears, and wants us to think she is sad?  Okay. He blames her, she blames him, and it’s a vicious cycle.  She is complaining about how poor she was which is ridiculous. Jason storms off, then returns.  By returns of course I mean it was edited to look like he came back, but I think he simply bailed.  This show is out of control and while I like to think I’m done, I will be back next week because I am the only one who is willing to discuss Bethenny and keep it real.

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May 1, 2012 | 4:47 pm

Shahs of Sunset Finale Recap - Finally!

Posted by Ilana Angel

I don’t know what is harder to believe, that the first season of Shahs of Sunset is over, or that someone at Bravo actually thought that 6 weeks of this show would be enough.  Really Bravo?  We are hooked, and now we are also pissed.  These people make for good television and 6 weeks is lame.  We were just starting to figure this group out and they are done.  Not cool.

It’s been a couple of weeks since the show ended, and I figured I would finally get around to blogging the finale.  The good news is that it has been announced that season two is coming.  I really hope Seacrest Productions will not set up as many scenes, and just let these people loose.  They are fascinating and interesting without all the fake stuff thrown in.

The finale starts with Mike and GG hanging out and it’s awkward.  GG clearly sees their relationship differently and you can’t help but wonder why.  She thinks there is underlying love between them, but she is just the little sister of someone he once dated.  She is flirting with him and he is telling her there is never going to be anything between them.  It’s odd.

She is in love with him, but he is not in love with her.  If he dated my sister it would be enough for me to not date him, but she seems either determined or delusional.  Does she really like him or is she so competitive with her sister she wants him just to say she got him?  I like Mike and think he handles GG well.  I like GG, but she needs to move on and let go.

MJ goes to visit Reza and they talk about his trip to New York and the fact that he has reconciled his relationship with his dad.  In his quest for peace with his dad, he wants to have peace between MJ and her mom.  It’s quite mean.  Reza tells MJ that her mother does no love her and it’s too much.  I thought it was harsh, mean spirited, and simply not nice.

MJ says that her mom loves her, she is just mean to her, and it’s heartbreaking.  MJ’s mother Vida is hardened by her life and sadly does not see that she is dumping her crap on her only child.  Divorce can screw people up in the most loving of families, but with a mother like Vida it is made even harder.  I believe she loves her in her own crazy way.

MJ is getting ready for a double date with Sammy.  She is setting him up with a nice Jewish girl, and he is bringing a nice Persian guy for her.  She has not been on a date in a while so she is excited.  She gets dolled up and is going with an open mind.  We meet the girl she picked for him and she is very pretty and seems sweet.  MJ’s date?  Not so much.

Sammy brings a guy that MJ actually dated before.  They had a relationship years ago and Sammy thought it was worth them trying again.  Really Sammy?  MJ looks like she wants to kill herself, Sammy could care less about her discomfort, and his date is clearly not into him. They go into the bar and MJ wants to sit as far away from her date as possible.

He is creepy looking, lusting over MJ, and she is checked out.  The girl for Sammy is looking at him and clearly wondering what the hell she is doing there.  He then tells her she needs to be a little more toned.  This is a very pretty girl with a nice body, and Sammy is telling her she needs to get toned?  Sammy?  Toned? This scene makes him look like a putz, which he is not.

Over with MJ, her date has his hands all over her and not only is she is not into it, but while she is being mauled, Sammy does not seem to care. Sammy’s date Hannah is getting annoyed that Sammy is not helping MJ and before they know it MJ bails.  Not sure I would have left my girlfriend there with them, but she bails and Sammy thinks she is simply in the bathroom.

I love me some Sammy but this was just lame.  He should never have set her up with such a loser, especially a loser she has dated before.  He is oblivious to what he’s done which makes him a douchebag.  Cut to Reza and MJ going for a walk with the dogs and she tells him all about the date.  Important to note: Reza is perfect reality television.  A star is born.

He is sympathizing with MJ and goes back and forth between English and Farsi, which I love.  Mike calls to say he has closed a deal and wants everyone to get together to celebrate.  Cute Reza makes sure it’s cool with MJ as Sammy will be there.  How can you not love Reza?  By love him of course I mean gay or not, I would date Reza.  He is fabulous.

GG is out on a date with a very handsome Persian doctor and she is very nervous which is cute, but she is socially awkward, which is hilarious.  He arrives before her and orders a drink, which she is clearly annoyed with.  I agree.  Don’t order until I get there.  It’s called manners.  GG is trying to eat soup with noodles and I feel bad for how ridiculous she looks.

GG gives up on the soup and tells the nice handsome doctor that she likes crazy people like Dahmer and Manson.  She then tells him her baby factory is open.  It is a horrible date and you have to wonder if all her dates are like this.  She is beautiful, but in need of some dating lessons.  I love this girl and even though she is a little rough around the edges, she is a doll.

Asa is with the Persian Barbara Walters and she is asking her for guidance in a completely passive aggressive way.  It’s scripted and fake and a total drag because had this been an organic conversation, it would have been fascinating.  Instead it’s a fake conversation on the beach and I’m over it. Asa is talented, but she is whoring her work out and it’s not cute.

Sammy goes to meet MJ for a chat so there is no tension at Mike’s celebratory dinner and he approaches her starting a fight.  It is a he said/she said thing and frankly, I don’t care. Both behaved badly but Sammy brought her ex so at the end of the day he is to blame.  His humiliating her on television is a low blow and he looks like a schmuck.  Again.

I love Sammy but he is wrong here.  He never should have said he struggled to get her a date.  Not good Sammy.  He then walks out on her and so payback is complete.  Move on kids.  MJ is with Asa and it’s fake.  It pisses me off because it’s just not needed here.  There are plenty of reality shows that need help, but these people are good being authentic.

MJ is out for lunch with her mom and it’s brutal.  I like Vida.  By like of course I mean I feel sorry for her that she has allowed her own sadness and bitterness to dictate how she parents her daughter.  It’s sad.  MJ asks her if she is proud of her and her mom can’t say it.  It’s very upsetting to watch and I feel horrible for MJ that this is their relationship.

That said, I think her having this conversation on camera is not nice.  She is humiliating her mother and that’s not cool.  Vida is mean and that is never going to change so the only reason to do it on the show is to embarrass her.  For her mom to say MJ is not marriage material is a stab to the heart and my advice to MJ would be to get distance.

Asa has a party to show her art and play her song and it’s lovely.  Her parents are adorable, the house is fabulous, Reza is delicious, her art is interesting, and her music is quite good.  I wish her well and am glad this show was able to springboard her career.  However, don’t say you don’t want to sell out, then do a reality show and exploit yourself.

We see Reza having a conversation with his dad and yes, I cried.  I love Reza and think he is a role model for men, gay or straight.  The dinner is a way to wrap up the season and it’s really nice.  We see that at the core of these people is friendship.  They love each other and that allows us to easily love them also.  We end the season wanting more, which is a home run.

Mike, GG, Reza, MJ, Sammy, Asa are real people which makes this reality show entertaining.  I will watch them when they come back for season two and look forward to seeing how things will change, or perhaps stay the same. This show was a huge hit and I get it.  We watch not to see a train wreck, but rather because we crave a reality show that keeps it real.

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April 30, 2012 | 9:46 pm

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Hate Teresa

Posted by Ilana Angel

I like this show even though the women featured are fake on many levels. They live lives that they want us to think are fabulous, but what they show us is not necessarily true.  They are decent and hardworking people, who also happen to be dysfunctional and living in denial about how much money they have, and how they got it.  The chicks of New Jersey are fascinating.

The leader of the pack for me is Teresa.  I like her, but I didn’t always.  I watch these shows and write about what I see each week, and over the years I have not liked Teresa at certain times.  That said, I really like her now. She is great television and when I interviewed her it was over for me.  I freaking love this chick and she is the star of the show in my opinion.

Not only is she my favorite, she is also the break out star. Actually, Milania is the star of the show, but since she is not a housewife I cannot really give her the #1 spot.  Teresa is funny, simple, compelling, and sweet.  Everyone on this show hates her.  The jealousy they all feel for her palpable and the focus of the editing which is a shame and bad decision from Bravo.

I will watch, and blog, for now.  Honestly though, I have stopped watching and blogging about Atlanta and Orange County because they are simply bad television.  If Bravo sticks with the everyone be mean and hate on Teresa plot, I will be out of this one too.  Sidebar:  Andy lets people crap all over Teresa on WWHL and it is embarrassing.  Grow some balls Andy.

We start the show with Jacqueline sending Ashlee off to Vegas.  First of all, I do not get why Jac is on this show.  She is boring and brings nothing to the table.  She is also more focused on her new family than she is on helping her daughter.  She is not doing a good job in my opinion and her crying about how hard it is for her is sickening already.  She is beyond boring.

We skip over to Lauren who tells us she left Chateau after her opening and you have to wonder what the hell she’s been doing this whole time besides eating.  She is at a nutritionist with her mom and is going to try to lose weight.  She is a beautiful girl and if she loses weight or not, this is a sweet girl.  She is clearing looking for a diet endorsement deal, which is lame.

Teresa is with Juicy and they are talking about the pizza parlor closing.  I feel bad for Teresa.  Her husband is out of control.  I believe he is cheating, embarrassing his children and humiliating his wife.  Teresa loves him and he does not seem to get it or care.  I hope they work it out but I’m not sure they can.  I wish for Teresa all the things that she wishes for herself.

Rich is out with his son Joe teaching him about life and it’s lame.  I like this family but lately Rich has been a little mean and two faced so he is not that interesting anymore.  Kathy is a follower not a leader and she borders on pathetic.  They don’t have anything to show about Kathy and Rich so they bring in their kids, but they are not that interesting either.  Too bad.

Albie is driving Ashlee to the airport and as much as I love my readers and want to provide them with a thorough recap, I cannot listen to this.  Ashlee is ridiculous.  Albie is ridiculous.  I cannot do it.  She is wishing she could be drunk, and talking about things that prove we are not dealing with a scientist here.  She is a mess and the blame can be placed on her mom.

Joe and Melissa are up next trying to show us they are successful and rich. Melissa is complaining about Teresa and I don’t get the point of it.  Do they want us to think they are rich?  Is showing his booming business right after they show us Joe’s failing business supposed to make them look fabulous? The editing here is shameful and Melissa is shady.  Not cool.

Ashlee misses her plane and Jac is gross about it.  She really does not seem to care about this child and makes no attempt to hide it.  She did not hug or kiss her good bye, and is annoyed she is coming back to the house.  Jac is humiliating her kid and I think that is wrong. I am skipping over the Ashlee is a moron segment and will return when I can stomach this crap.

Everyone is now at Jac’s house, with Teresa on the way.  Melissa and Joe are trashing Teresa and Caroline and Kathy jump on the bandwagon.  Teresa arrives looking gorgeous, while Caroline looks like crap. She apologizes again for her any hurt feeling her book caused and it’s stupid.  It was not an apology, which is fine because she does not owe anyone anything.

This is a group of people who are jealous.  They cannot stand that Teresa is the only one to turn the show into a moneymaker.  Black Water? On Display? Kathy’s Bakery?  No success here at all.  Melissa makes a dig at Teresa and it’s dumb.  Bravo is systematically ruining every city in this franchise, making it impossible to watch.  I will be sad to give up New Jersey.

The men go to play poker while the women stay in the kitchen.  Cut to the next day and Juicy has a black eye. Turns out Juicy and Rich got into a little wrestling match and end up getting into a fight.  We learn that Rich does not have balls and Juicy likes to grab balls.  With each passing moment I feel more sorry for Teresa. She is rich in success and poor in support.

We are back with Kathy and her family and I want to go to bed.  These kids and this family are not interesting so why bore us in this way?  I have no idea what is happening in this scene because I am checked out.  Some kid is sending naked pics to Kathy’s son and she is mortified, but he is thrilled. Does anyone in the world think this scene was interesting?  Not me.

Melissa is recording her new song and I want to impale myself.  Dear Lord, why are we spending so much time watching her get auto-tuned?  Just when I think I might choke on my own vomit, it’s Milania time.  I LOVE THIS LITTLE GIRL.  Every one of Teresa’s kids is divine and these girls need their own show.  They are all fabulous but Milania is simply perfection.

Joe is home with the girls alone and it’s sad.  He is not focused on the kids and Gia is acting like the caretaker, which makes me cringe because she is just a little girl.  Juicy has the boys over for cards and it’s lame.  We know what happened here and it’s been months, so why bore us now?  Surely they had better footage than this.  Juicy is a douche, but so are the other men.

Teresa is at a book signing and some chick goes off about Juicy and his court case and it’s painfully scripted.  Meanwhile Melissa and Joe Gorga are having dinner and she has a surprise for him.  He guesses she is pregnant, but the surprise is her presentation of her new ballad.  She is dedicating it to him and call me nuts, but I love Joe and how he loves Melissa. 

The song is not that great and I wonder if she actually wrote it.  She said it was about her thoughts about Joe, but if she didn’t write it then whose thoughts are they?  I think she probably has a nice voice but they are making her into a pop star which she is just too old to be.  She should have focused on being a singer not on reliving her childhood dreams.

Chris Manzo is talking and I’m not listening.  Why in the world do we care about any of the Manzo kids?  Enough.  Joe loves the song from Melissa and rewards her with some poison.  Jac pulls out baby pictures and pretends to be sad about Ashlee, and I could care less about any of it.  This show is about hating Teresa because everyone else on the show is boring.

This week WWHL was a continuation of the Teresa bashing. Kelly Osbourne went on and on about how horrible Teresa is and Andy said nothing.  Jac humiliates her daughter relentlessly, and then says she is great now.  This show is a hot mess of crap and next week looks like a train wreck but rather than the good reality TV kind, it is the kind that is unable to keep it real.

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April 27, 2012 | 8:27 pm

Celebrity Apprentice: What is that smell?

Posted by Ilana Angel

I’m sorry this took so long to get posted!  I watched the show last week and just did not have the energy to blog it because, quite frankly I find Aubrey and Lisa to be exhausting.  By exhausting of course I mean in the want to punch something way, not the great sex kind of way.  These chicks suck.

We start off with Lisa giving her winnings to her charity.  I love the charity part of this show but her hair ribbon is just too much for me and I’m skipping over it.  Happy they got the money, hope they get more, but I can barely listen to her without the lame ribbon so it’s not happening.

The task is assigned in Trump’s apartment.  I love this guy.  He says he rarely shows it to anyone.  Really?  We’ve all seen the apartment a dozen times.  It’s tacky and fabulous, but we’ve seen it.  The task is to launch Trump’s new fragrance for men, Success.  They are working with Macys.

Clay and Aubrey are going to be the project managers and the winner, if Trump loves the campaign, will get$100K.  If it sucks, they are only getting $20K.  It’s Clay, Penn, Lisa and Dayana against Aubrey, Teresa and Arsenio.  Clay is knocking Penn right off the bat.

Dayana offers to model for the campaign and Lisa is using every ounce of her being to not lose it.  Her jealousy is palpable.  Aubrey looks like a man.  An odd little man.  She starts bossing everyone and I am on my way to another headache.  I have wine so I shall trudge ahead.

The executives from Macys and the Trump organization visit the teams and Clay is respectful and charming, Aubrey is a bulldozer who does not care about what the executive are saying, and is so in love with her own voice she just keeps talking, but is not making any sense.  She is a loser.

Penn did not want to be the project manager, yet he has all the ideas.  It makes no sense that he did not want to lead.  With the game half over and the charity money up for grabs, it was lame that he did not take the job.  It is a predictable clue that he will be the one sent home this week.

Clay is annoyed with Penn, Penn is cocky, Lisa is bitchy and Dayana is gorgeous.  Chicks don’t do it for me, but Dear Lord she is spectacular looking.  Over with Aubrey, she is doing her own thing, not listening to anyone, and being bossy.  Who the hell is this girl?  I want her gone.

While taking pictures of the New York City skyline, we learn Aubrey wears Spanx, and that even though Arsenio thinks she is a skanky whore, he would still sleep with her.  Men are pigs.  I would give anything for this show to cut out all the recapping and go down to an hour.  Anything!

Aubrey is on the phone with Eric Trump and calls him “babe”, which was gross.  She is bulldozing through the task and I am clicking the mute button on occasion which make her much more tolerable.  She sends off Arsenio and Teresa so she can be alone and not deal with them.

Clay is unable to make a decision and keeps changing his mind, which is probably because he is unable to focus with all the hair color seeping into his scalp.  The best part of this show is the commercials for America’s got Talent with Howard Stern.  I love Howard and can’t wait for that.

Dayana is modeling with a gorgeous man and Clay is salivating over him.  She then says she hopes Lisa is not trying to break her peanuts, which made me spit out really good wine.  She meant bust her balls, but this was more charming.  I wonder if Clay got a date with the model.

Eric Trump stops by to check on the team and the only one there is Aubrey. She throws her team under the bus while flirting.  I think it was flirting.  She sucks at it, he is not buying into her charms, and even calls her on how unsupportive she is of her team.  Aubrey is a pig.

Dayana comes up with the idea that they should have a take away for the display and Clay says there is no time, which means that their not having a take away will be one of things that reflects badly on them.  Arsenio comes up with a great idea and Aubrey is pissed off that it was not hers.

Aubrey is doing everything, which makes Arsenio sit back and think out how he will throw her under the bus in the boardroom. Teresa, in her heals and super tight skirt, is painting and running and getting it done.  She is a rock star on this show and I’d like to see her in the finals.

Lisa goes next door to sneak a look at the display of the other team and it’s just lame.  This show is dragged out so much with useless things that I find myself getting more resentful every week that it is two hours long. Thankfully I have mastered the art of making a mojito, so whatever.

Aubrey wears the make up of a hooker/show girl in Vegas.  She then calls herself a mini Trump.  Really?  I am watching them view their completed displays for the first time and I’m done.  I am fast forwarding over this part.  I could be missing something great, but probably not.

Important to note I am at the 1 hour mark and am bored with blogging it.  This proves my point that it should only be an hour long.  Aubrey is presenting their project and it makes me want to hurl.  Her voice makes my lower back hurt and my left arm is tingly.

Teresa is adorable during the presentation.  Love her.  Aubrey calls the smell strip a keepsake and now I’m laughing.  She is a moron.  They finish and Arsenio says on the count of three to say Unanimous.  Turns out nobody on this team can count which once again make me spit up wine.

Clay does their presentation and tanks.  He is not articulate, cool, or interesting.  He asks his team to help him out and nobody says a thing.  They are all so calculated.  They are quiet so if the presentation is why they lose they are not responsible.  So freaking predictable.

I am now being asked to sit through a 45 minute boardroom.  Not happening.  They are looking at each others work and I’m now officially bored.  Aubrey is flirting with the Trumps but she looks dirty so nobody is taking it seriously. She is unfortunate looking.

Arsenio says he came up with the quote for their presentation and Aubrey says it was her.  Blah. Blah. Blah.  Aubrey came up with it, and it happened to also be a quote from Trump. Arsenio did nothing on this task and he is grasping at straws to stay alive.

Trump announces neither of the displays was worth $100K so instead he gives $40K to the winner, which is Aubrey.  He then gives all the other players $10K for their charities.  Aubrey screams in delight and we get an insight into her bedroom life, which is shrill and not sexy.

Clay is defending himself, Lisa and Dayana are quiet, and as we suspected early on, Penn is going home. The boardroom is boring without Aubrey and Arsenio fighting.  I like Penn and thought he was smart, but he was an outsider from the beginning so no big surprises here.

I wonder if Trump smells like money.  I find him oddly attractive and am curious how he is in bed.  Does anyone else think about that?  Trump thinks it may be time to fire Dayana and it looks like next week he might.  I’m watching, but it’s getting hard.  Trump is fun, but not keeping it real.

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April 26, 2012 | 8:21 am

A Bethenny Blog for Ireland

Posted by Ilana Angel

I have not written about Bethenny for a few weeks.  It’s hard to watch her let alone write about her.  I have not recapped the last couple of weeks of Bethenny Ever After because it’s a broken record.  She recycles the same jokes, the same stories, and the same drama.  The other issue is that when I watch it I find myself on the verge of projectile vomiting and that is just not cute.  Bethenny has become really bad for Bethenny.

I was quite content to not blog about her for a while, until Ireland stepped in.  I have many readers in Ireland and talk about luck of the Irish, they don’t get Bethenny’s current season and are relying on my recaps to keep them in the loop.  So cute that they reached out to ask me to blog, and so sad they are craving info on the train wreck that is Bethenny Frankel. I often wish we did not have her show here.  Ah, the luck of the Irish.

I am going to blog about Bethenny today for Ireland.  This one is for you!  I am going to make it quick to avoid any heaving, but you will get the idea.  I will recap the last episode of Bethenny Ever After so you can join in the nightmare. Important to note she has the roughest life in the world and we must all take pity on her and her very difficult life.  Also worth mentioning, Bethenny is a pathological liar who likes to wallow in her own crap.

It’s Bethenny’s birthday and she has gone to Mexico with Jason and her entire staff.  By staff of course I mean her “friends”.  I find it interesting that all of her friends are on payroll.  Jason is explaining how exhausting his life has become because all they do is fight.  We know you fight Jason.  We have been watching her rip your balls off for years.  Maybe you are tired because selling your soul to the devil for money is a lot of work.

Bethenny and Jason are at dinner and she immediately sets into attack mode.  She is complaining he does not trust her.  She also says that it’s ironic the trust has nothing to do with infidelity.  Why is that ironic?  Is it because she has cheated in the past and so one would think she was not cheating again?  It was an odd thing to say and I’m curious what she meant by it. Then Bethenny reminds us of exactly why she is so repulsive.

Bethenny has decided that should something happen to her and Jason they will place Bryn in the care of their employee RaRa.  Jason has two loving and caring parents, but they would leave her with someone they have known for a year?  Those grandparents love her more than anyone and yet they are out?  RaRa is good because she buys her presents?  Really?  Bethenny is lame. Why not give her to Julie, who is in fact Bryn’s Godmother?

Watching Jason and Bethenny bicker constantly is not entertaining.  That she is willing to take her show to this level is interesting.  It’s a series of fighting, miscommunication, self-pity, and blatant meanness.  They are horrible to each other.  Jason is mean to her too, but he clearly tries to keep it private whereas Bethenny wants everything on camera.  Bethenny went from being spontaneous and fun to simply horrid and shrill.

Bethenny is walking around in a bikini and like her or not, her body is banging. She looks great from the neck down.  The staff/friends arrive and Bethenny is clearly relieved to not have to spend time alone with Jason.  They are all on the beach, with Bryn, and a little boy comes over to visit. Bethenny takes the opportunity to make sexual innuendoes in front of the kids.  Seriously, this chick is just not funny or appealing.

Bethenny and Jason fight again, and she takes off to have lunch with RaRa and Jason stays with the baby.  Bethenny lets us know they are still fighting about money, his family, and the same crap we have been listening to for years.  It is just gross.  Bethenny says she tells Jason she does not respect him and he is equally mean to her.  It’s bad of both of them but I’d be willing to bet on who throws the first punch.  Bethenny likes the drama.

Bethenny is at lunch with RaRa and I must say I like RaRa.  She is calm and lovely.  Bethenny drinks a lot which is interesting. Bethenny calls Jason in the room and asks him to join her for lunch, is then surprised when he hangs up on her.  She is so bitter and depressing I would have hung up on her too. She is mean to Jason and spends a lot of time humiliating her husband for the world to see.  By the world of course I mean not Ireland.  Lucky.

Bethenny is once again talking about how she is damaged and I want to cut myself.  These two need to break up.  There is no trust, no love, no respect, no joy, no fun, no peace.  Why stay?  They don’t appear to even like each other.  They are talking in circles around each other.  Each think the other is meaner and the other is in more pain.  There is no reason to be airing this dirty laundry on television and to leave this as a legacy for Bryn is gross.

Sidebar:  I think the best thing Bethenny can do for herself is get in touch with Jill Zarin.  Bethenny was her best self when she was with Jill and I think she needs her back in her life.  Their break up was silly and a true waste.  Bethenny needs Jill, now and they should reach out to each other.  I really think Jill could be good for her right now.  Jill was authentic and Bethenny needs a real friend right now, not one that she pays for.

Jason and Bethenny have this awful morning and lunch, then go to a couples massage.  It was stupid.  If they think we think there is any sexual chemistry between them they are insane.  It’s a lame scene and served no purpose on the show except to disgust us and make us all feel dirty.  I need another cocktail to get through it.  A real cocktail, not a Skinnygirl crap juice. This show is stupid and shows signs of being bipolar.  I’m so done.

Bethenny and Jason have been going at it for the entire vacation, now all of a sudden they are touchy feely and in love. Ridiculous.  Bethenny is talking about her mother as they share a birthday, and it’s so stupid.  Call your mother and get over it.  Karma is a bitch and as the mother of a daughter she should be trying to mend her relationship instead of bitching about it all the time.  Your life is hard.  We get it.  Snap out of it already.

Jason gives Bethenny a necklace for her birthday and she cannot hide the fact that she does not like it.  Her fake response is actually quite funny. She does not like the length and keeps trying to shorten it.  Miraculously, if you jump ahead a few minutes, she is wearing the necklace but it has been shortened.  This show is lame and if it were not for the magnificent country of Ireland, I would be using my time much more wisely.

It’s Bethenny’s birthday dinner and she is with her paid friends, Jason and Bryn.  They give her a book of pictures of her journey and I want to hurl.  She is fake crying, sniffing, and it is calculated and fake.  She can try to make us feel sorry for her all she wants, but it’s not happening. There is something just not real about her reactions to anything.  It is all scripted and she‘s not a good enough actress to make me buy it.

Julie writes about how much she has enjoyed their time together and you have got to wonder about Julie’s leaving.  She is the Godmother yet not in line to get Bryn incase of a tragedy. She is the godmother, yet not invited to friends weekend in the Hamptons, but rather left at the office with the other paid friends.  I think Julie got sick of being used and decided to get a life instead of getting buried under Bethenny’s fake life.

Next week actually looks like it will be good.  By good I mean I may need to blog about it because it will be layers and layers of crap, and that is blogging gold.  This show is sad and no amount of money or fame is worth doing this to a family.  I feel bad for everyone on this show, including Bethenny.  She got what she wanted and in the end will have nothing that really matters.  She is famous, rich, alone, lonely and unable to keep it real.

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April 23, 2012 | 8:12 am

Real Housewives of New Jersey: It’s On!

Posted by Ilana Angel

It feels like we have been waiting for this show to air forever.  The trailers Bravo has been showing have been fabulous and made the anticipation even greater.  They are making it appear as if this will be a season of Teresa bashing so that will be interesting.  She is clearly the breakout star, the most famous and popular of the ladies, so of course there will be problems.

We start the show by recapping a few things from last year and we are quickly reminded that of all the housewives franchises, this is the best television. They are the most authentic women in terms of family dynamics. Plus every group has their kids on, and in terms of entertainment value, this is the best bunch of kids.  Jersey is back, so let the blogging begin!

This season was shot last summer so we already know how half the storylines will play out but it does not matter.  They are compelling and we are all going to get hooked.  I’m 2 minutes into the show and I’m already excited about next week.  Everyone is getting ready to go to the shore for the summer and we start with Kathy and Melissa hanging by the pool.

Teresa’s cookbook has come out and everyone is pissed off about it.  They think what she wrote about all of them is untrue and so rather than talk to Teresa about it, they are going to bash her on camera so that we can see the true depth of their jealousy.  Love it.  Melissa, Joe, Kathy and Richie are together and Richie is starting up trouble with the book.

Melissa is acting holier than thou about the book, and Kathy is trying to take the high road but it is an epic failure.  These people cannot stand Teresa and how popular she has become.  Richie is rude, Kathy is a bitch, Melissa is jealous, and Joe does not hesitate to bash his sister on camera. Kathy’s sister Rosie is there, and this chick seriously needs her own show.

There is a BBQ happening at Jac’s house with Caroline and her brood, and Teresa and her bunch.  Jac talked last year about how she was done and not coming back, yet here she is.  This woman is a bore and her need to humiliate her daughter, no matter how out of line this child is, is gross to me.  She should be ashamed of what she does to Ashley on camera for all to see.

Caroline and her children are all a little heavier, and a little crankier.  By cranky of course I mean their jealously of Teresa follows them around like a cloud over their heads.  They used to all be such good friends and it is proof that jealousy can rip lives apart.  The Manzo’s are sad Black Water is a such a flop and they blame Teresa.  This season is going to be fabulous.

Important to note that I have interviewed Teresa Guidice and Melissa Gorga recently and I found Teresa to be fabulous and Melissa shady.  Teresa was very open and funny. Melissa was also very open, but her answers were rehearsed.  She was lovely, but Teresa was real.  I liked Teresa more than I liked Melissa, but this is not a blog about who I like or don’t like as people, just on the show.

My conversations were not about the show..  I don’t know these women, and talking for an hour or tweeting back and forth does not make them my friends.  They were both great ladies off the show with me, but on the show I think there is a simplicity to Teresa that is nice, and a complicated web to Melissa that is not so nice, but who cares?  It’s just television right?

Teresa arrives and nobody is thrilled to see her.  Teresa takes Caroline outside to clear the ar.  She knows Caroline is pissed about the cookbook, so she tries to ease the tension.  She tells her she meant no harm and the things Caroline is upset about were just jokes.  Teresa was in fact out of line in her book, but the reaction of everyone is over the top because of jealousy.

Caroline is bitter and it shows.  Jacqueline is stupid and it shows.  Teresa is oblivious and it shows.  Everyone is getting ready to go to the shore and it’s hilarious.  Teresa has the funniest and most beautiful kids.  Gia is like a grown up and Melania is perfect television. Juicy Joe is obviously embarrassed by his troubles and is not a happy or kind camper.

Jac has a meeting with her life coach and I am laughing at the fact that she is paying someone to come to her house to say her life sucks and she needs to change it.  Read my blog for free Jac, or have an honest moment on Twitter and people will tell you what to do.  I just don’t like Jac on this show. She is not honest, changes her sides constantly, and favors her sons.

Ashley has gone blonde, has no direction, and is taking advantage of her mother and step-father.  She is 20 and treading water instead of swimming forward.  Jac acts like its Ashley’s fault, but she created this monster.  Jac is always crying or yelling about Ashley.  It’s going to be a long season if we need to sit through this each week.  Still laughing at the life coach.

We head over to Melissa and Joe’s house and the “Lets Bash Teresa Show” really gets started.  Sad they feel the need to bash her in front of their kids, but whatever. I get that Joe is defending his wife to his sister, but why throw his sister under the bus?  Melissa talks about Teresa and how she is manipulative but there is something about Melissa that does not ring true.

Teresa and Joe are off to the shore and it’s sad.  Teresa is driving because Joe has no license.  Joe is being a pig.  He is rude, abrasive with his kids, and it’s uncomfortable.  Gia is obviously aware of the gossip and it is heartbreaking.  I feel for Teresa and think she stays with Joe for her kids, because his humiliation and disrespect of her is too much for her to stay for love.

Caroline is going through menopause and she thinks that could be what’s making her cranky.  News flash, she was a bitch long before the menopause kicked in.  Back at the shore, Joc and Melissa have a house, but it’s under construction so they go to stay with Kathy.  Silly part is that Melissa acts shocked the house is not ready.  Like she didn’t know?  So scripted.

Teresa tells Joe about Gia being old enough to understand his legal troubles, that he might go to jail, and cheats on Teresa.  Joe could care less.  He is not sympathetic to his kids, or compassionate to his wife.  He has ruined his life and does not care that he taking his family down with him.  Joe is a caveman and Teresa’s unwavering love and support for him needs to stop.

Over at Kathy’s everyone is talking about Teresa.  Again.  All any of then seem to be talking about is Teresa and it’s very predictable so they better start giving us something more or we’ll be bored before long.  Teresa’s kids are hilarious and I would watch an hour of a camera following Melania around. Teresa needs to get her own show, and an English tutor.

Kathy, Teresa and Melissa’s families are on the beach.  The kids are together and it’s nice.  Juicy Joe is being a pig, while Richie is telling Joe Gorga he needs to reach out to Teresa and let her know he has her back. Richie is nice one minute and talking trash the next.  He’s cute and funny, but he needs to decide who he is going to be on the show and stick to it.

Caroline and her daughter Lauren are out for a walk with Jac and bashing Teresa and her book.  Lauren is wearing a Black Water t-shirt and they are also drinking it.  They are the only ones drinking it because it is gross.  I’m sure the Manzo’s are pissed Teresa has turned the show into a way to make lots of money and they have not been able to make that happen.

Teresa and Joe Gorga go off to talk on their own and it is the bipolar segment.  I hear Joe talk and I believe him, then Teresa responds and I believe her.  It’s crazy.  Only they know the truth and depending on how many sips of wine I’ve had, I go back and forth like a tennis match picking sides.  These two are really great television but I am embarrassed and sad for them.

I love Teresa and I love Joe so it’s hard to watch them always fighting. Teresa is trying to pull the blinds shut on her life and Joe pulls the same blinds on his wife.  In the end they need each other and should get it all worked out.  Easier said than done when you factor Juicy and Melissa into the mix.  Those two are as responsible as Teresa and Joe for the problems.

Chris tells Ashley she needs to move out of his house and go back to Vegas. Her hair is blonde, eyebrows are black, injections have ruined her face, and she is wearing the wrong lipstick.  This kid is a mess.  She cannot make a decision, which makes her just like her mother.  Jac is punishing Ashley for being just like her.  Ashley needs to find a pole and settle in.

Too harsh?  No.  If your kid is out drinking every night with friends, is Vegas really the place you should be sending her too?  What will she do there?  I’m guessing a pole or perhaps a bar tending license are in her future.  Jac is failing with this kid and needs to stop blaming and stop enabling.  Kick her in the ass and keep her close, don’t ship her off.

And so the first episode of season four comes to an end.  It was mellow with no real excitement, but it certainly set the tone for what is to come.  I fear this season will be a hate Teresa marathon.  By fear of course I mean hooray for great television.  I am setting aside personal favorites and watching the show with an open mind.  Time will tell if they will be keeping it real.

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April 20, 2012 | 7:39 am

Celebrity Apprentice – Lisa Loves Dayana!

Posted by Ilana Angel

This show is getting better each week.  It started out great, had a few slow weeks, and is now getting exciting.  It still does not need to be 2 hours long, but it’s getting good.  I’m ready for it to be over, but I’m in it, will stick it out to the end, and am enjoying watching Lisa Lampanelli humiliate herself, and Aubrey’s Botox distort her face each week.  So good.

This week’s task is to do a puppet show with the Stuffed and Unstrung improve troupe.  Important to note that one of the judges is Patrick Bristow from Stuffed and Unstrung.  In the interest of full disclosure, I know Patrick.  By know him of course I mean love him.  He is married to my darling friend Andy, who I write about often.  He is a delicious man.

Sidebar:  I want to let you know that the Stuffed and Unstrung show is brilliant, and if you get a chance to see it while it’s on tour, or in NYC, you simply must.  Patrick is a genius, the cast is wonderful, the puppets are delicious, and the show is fabulous.  It’s very exciting to see my friend on the show and I know he is going to do great.  Bravo Patrick!

Teresa gives her winnings to her charity and it’s sweet.  It’s worth it to sit through two hours to see charities get money.  By worth it of course I mean for the charity, not for those watching.  Two hours is painful.  Lisa is PM for her team and Paul Sr. is leading his.  Clay swaps teams so we are now Arsenio, Paul Sr., Teresa and Aubrey vs. Penn, Clay, Dayana and Lisa.

Lisa immediately starts the attack on Dayana.  She simply hates Dayana because she is beautiful.  Lisa is a cold, bitter, bitch who is ugly inside and so Dayana is her kryptonite.  She hates her and that hate is all about jealously. It’s hilarious to watch.  Sad for Dayana but really great television for us. Rather than try to hide her hatred, Lisa thrives off of it.

Lisa immediately lets everyone know she is the greatest improve performer in the history of mankind.  Dayana tells the team she has been studying improv for a year and a half and she would like to be one of the puppeteers and the character would be a funny Latina.  Lisa is pissed off that Dayana thinks she can do what she does.  Lisa is a lunatic.

Over with Aubrey, she is convinced she is the only talented one on her team, and knows she needs to lay low because everyone hates her and she is not a team player.  The ego on this chick is fascinating.  She appears to have no talent, yet she thinks she is the greatest thing ever.  She is either medicated or perhaps just delusional and rather dumb.

Teresa is adorable.  She is not pretentious or stuck up, just real, honest, and uncomplicated.  She is working hard and I dig her here.  Paul is sweet but useless on this task, and Aubrey is trying to be a team leader but careful not to overstep her place.  She is still leading though.  She is “suggesting” everything to Paul and he is in over his head so he just lets her.

Lisa is going to do everything she can to keep Dayana out of the task.  She is hateful.  She then decides she and Clay will be the puppeteers and the best part is that Lisa’s puppet is going to be a Latina.  Lisa is going to be a Latina puppet rather than Dayana?  Dayana then does an impression of Lisa and it is the most perfect moment of the night.

The teams need to design their puppets and it really looks like a fun task. Penn and Dayana are designing puppets on their team.  Lisa is sure to tell Dayana that she needs her puppet to be really pretty.  She then lets the camera know, in her best condescending tone, that Dayana is getting busy work because she is useless.  Lisa is a nut job.

Paul is in over his head, clearly going to get fired, and so he is setting Teresa up as the weakest link early.  Aubrey is talking on and on and on and on.  I zone her out now.  She says nothing of interest and her voice is based in her nose so I can’t stand to listen to her talk.  I think Lisa and Aubrey are horrific, but certainly good train wrecks.

Teresa, Arsenio, Lisa and Clay get lessons in puppeteering and it’s hilarious. Teresa is great television. She is just cute, and watching the mother of four struggle to remember a nursery rhyme is hilarious.  Aubrey is going to be the host/MC for her team, and Penn will take it on for his.  Dayana has no role other than sewing some eyes on a puppet and she is pissed.

That said, her puppet is gorgeous and the Stuffed and Unstrung puppet makers are in awe of her workmanship.  Eric comes by to check on the team and he can feel the tension from Dayana.  He pushes Dayana to sell her team out, but she won’t because she is a lady.  Lisa is a pig and Dayana is a lady. By pig of course I mean bitch.  I don’t want to be mean to pigs.

They are practicing with the puppets and I’m skipping over it.  Two hours is brutal so if I miss something great here, oh well.  I will say that in the few minutes of rehearsal I watched, I thought Lisa sucked and Teresa rocked. Aubrey is trying to embarrass Teresa and say it will be on her shoulders to win the task, but at the end of the day Teresa rocks and Aubrey sucks.

Clay suggests Dayana help with the puppets and Lisa looses her mind.  She does not want Dayana anywhere near the puppets.  Dayana tries to share that she is not really doing anything, but Lisa goes off.  Lisa gets mad and starts crying.  She is talking about how she does this every night and Dayana is a useless pain in the ass.  Lisa once again does all the work.

She is screaming at Dayana to shut up, stop being a baby, and telling her she’s useless.  Dayana walks off crying, which makes her look even more beautiful.  I am loving Dayana a little more every week.  Back in the dressing room Lisa is now having a nervous breakdown.  She is crying, hysterical, and telling Penn and Clay they need to support her not Dayana.

Lisa is saying she needs back up, and while she is being a lunatic Penn gets up and walks out. Penn is a gentle giant and I love him.  He goes to check on Dayana and listens to her but it’s just weird.  This girl is getting beaten down by a bitter hag and nobody has anyone’s back.  It’s time for the puppet show and I imagine there is more crying to come.

Lisa is okay as a puppet, but Clay is fabulous.  I still think Clay is bitchy, but he is getting better.  Lisa is not as talented as she thinks she is, and her talking about how she has been doing this job for years is getting old.  Its the other teams turn and Aubrey wants us to think she is keeping the team alive, and Arsenio thinks there is a country called Norwegia.

If Clay and Teresa had been on the same team it would have been the best puppet show ever.  Teresa is adorable, but Aubrey wants us to thinks she sucked.  Paul has done nothing on this task and he is going home.  This show is just too predictable to go for 2 hours.  I’m actually a little bored and annoyed which is a drag. Aubrey makes me want to hit her.

I have no idea which team did the better show, but I do know that the sun revolves around the earth because of Aubrey, and beautiful people are dumb, thanks to Lisa.  I also know that Patrick Bristow is divine, puppets are fun, and Lisa Lampanelli is a mean girl who is probably in love with Dayana and since she knows she will be rejected, she is attacking her.

That’s it!  Lisa is in love with Dayana!  It all makes perfect sense now.  She is mean to her because she loves her.  Her outburst are not driven by hate, but rather love.  It makes Lisa almost likable that she is tormented by her desire for Dayana.  By almost of course I mean not at all.  Lisa is a troll, Dayana is a goddess and that is simply never happening.

In the boardroom Dayana tries to be gracious in how she speaks of Lisa, but Lisa immediately throws Dayana under the bus..  Trump asks Lisa who she will bring back into the boardroom if they lose and she bursts into tears. Again.  She is rambling about being a comedian, and that she does not want to be a villain.  Really?  She sucks and is mean.

Lisa says if they lose she may bring just herself in because as a comedian, on a challenge to make people laugh, the failure would be hers.  Penn is talking about being a comedian and I totally dig him.  Lisa is embarrassing herself, ruining her hardcore image, and needs to start drinking so she can numb the pain of her love for Dayana not having a shot in hell.

Lisa’s team wins and Dayana is once again a lady in congratulating her team leader.  I may actually be in love with Dayana too.  In the boardroom Teresa and Paul are going at it.  He thinks she was the weakest link, she thinks he did nothing.  Paul is blaming Teresa for everything and she is not standing for it.  She is going to go Teresa on his ass if needed.

Aubrey and Arsenio refuse to pick someone to be fired, but both lean towards firing Teresa without saying to fire her.  Lame.  They are all so afraid of a table flip they won’t say they like Paul more.  Paul is going, we knew it the minute he threw his back out, so they should have just gotten behind Teresa.  I like ithat she is fighting for herself.

Aubrey immediately lets Trump know everyone loves her and there is no way she should be in the boardroom.  It’s hard to listen to the banter because it’s so predictable.  Paul is not going to attack Teresa, there are no fireworks, just a feeling of finally get there already! Maybe next week Lisa will let Dayana know she loves her.  That would be keeping it real!

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