March 11, 2013 | 3:32 pm

Mob Wives is Getting Better Each Week

Posted by Ilana Angel

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It’s Christmastime in Staten Island and Big Ang is having a very pink Christmas dinner. Love is sitting this one out because is sick with the flu and Renee is not coming because she is not ready to deal with Carla and the drama so close to getting out of rehab.  Drita, Karen, Ramona and Carla are in for dinner.   I am not a fan of Carla and wish she had the flu.

The music on this show is perfection and we are off and running.  The pink Christmas tree is over the top and as funny as it is fabulous.  Drita arrives and Ang lets her know Ramona is getting married to her boyfriend before he gores away for twenty years.  Karen and Ramona arrive but Carla is running late.  I guess it takes longer to get ready when you are a bitter bitch.

Nobody is disappointed in Carla being late.  Ang is serving lobster, which is an interesting Christmas selection.  They start eating rather than wait, but then Carla strolls in and the room goes silent.  Carla is a rotten apple in the beautiful pie that is Mob Wives.  Carla is thrilled Renee is not there and I am now even angrier with Carla.  Who is this chick? She is nobody.

Ang collects knives off the table so Carla doesn’t get any ideas.  Everyone is silent until Karen breaks the ice.  She tells Carla Renee did not come because of her, and Carla defends herself saying she was never going to stab Renee, it was just a knife in her hands.  Ang wants peace in her home, Drita is trying to be neutral, and Karen and Ramona are coming to Renee’s defense.

Then Carla loses her mind and says that the fight with Renee nudged her to go to rehab.  Did Carla just take credit for Renee going to rehab?  Carla is an idiot. Drita steps in as the mediator and confirms that Carla was out of line. Karen and Ramona are out.  Carla does not get why everyone is mad at her.  She is not only delusional, but she is also really stupid.

Karen and Ramona are off to Arizona to meet the new girlfriend of Karen’s ex.  I feel for Karen.  Turns out her ex Dave is not living in her house like she thought.  He has moved in with his girlfriend and left her house unattended with just her dog there.  Karen is feeling disrespected as a mother and I agree with her.  Ramona is not helping out Karen’s stress.

Back on Staten Island, Renee has invited Drita, Ang and Love over.  She is surprising them with a trip to look at guard dogs.  Renee wants a dog so that should someone come to retaliate against her and her son, she has protection.  Really?  Will a bullet not kill a dog too?  I don’t think a dog will help her, but whatever.  Love is the best thing about this show.

Love says she will kill anyone who tries to break into her house.  Drita says the screaming in Renee’s house with scare the dog and render him useless. These chicks are awesome.  They are off to see dogs while Karen is snooping through her own house.  Her house is beautiful, and she looks good with the lighter hair, but this trip is not going to be a happy visit.

Karen’s daughter comes to see her mom and it is sad.  Karen is asking questions about her life and Karina is defensive and not into talking about it. She says she talks about her problems with her dad’s new whore.  Karen starts to cry and it is crushing.  She feels she is being left out as the mom and it breaks her heart.  Dave arrives and is surprised to see Karen.

Renee is in a scene from Deliverance looking at dogs and it is a bit lame. She’s not getting a dog and this is a waste of time.  None of the girls are into the dogs and Love is hilarious because she says if a dog bites her, she will bite him back.  I’m not into the dogs and so I am skipping past it.  This is lame, bullets kill dogs, and I feel bad for the beautiful animals.

Dave is talking to Karen and she is upset and getting angry.  Dave lets Karen know he does not live there anymore and only comes by to check on the dog. Sad for the dog.  Dave was in prison for ten years and he is looking for peace and wants no drama.  Karen could care less and she wants answers and respect.  I am loving Karen on this episode.  Good for her.

Dave is going to set up a meeting with Karen and his girlfriend Rebecca. Ramona says she thinks Karen and Dave could get back together.  Is Ramona high?  Karen has moved on and Ramona has lost her mind.  Karen needs to cut ties with Arizona and take her daughter to New York permanently.  It will be interesting to meet Rebecca.  I’m very curious about her.

Drita takes Carla to see her new store. She will sell her makeup line and I am excited for her.  I like Drita and I hope she and Lee make it work.  Drita is adorable.  To be clear, she scares the crap out of me, but I love her.  The store is a new beginning for her.  She has cleaned her slate and is starting over with a new life for herself and her family.  Bravo Drita.

Karen shares that her dad was in the witness protection program but he left and started a new life in Arizona.  He started a pool business and was successful and legitimate.  She is very open about their mob related life and it is fascinating.  Her dad was doing great when Karen, her brother, and Dave got busted for running an ecstasy ring.  All hell broke loose.

Karen got off, Dave and her brother got 10 years, and her dad took the blame and was sent away.  He took the fall for his kids and it is a remarkable story.  Her dad is rotting in prison and the responsibility eats away at Karen. Their lives are very complicated and while scary, I want more.  These girls seriously intimidate me, and I’m not intimidated by anyone.

It is Carla’s birthday so she is out to celebrate with Drita and Ang, along with other friends.  She needs to bring in other friends because nobody else can stand her.  We learn she has a boyfriend but until we see him, he is nothing.  She talks about moving on but the truth is she still loves her husband and she wants him back.  It is painfully obvious.

Karen is meeting with her brother about getting their dad out of prison. Her dad spent 7 years in solitary confinement, which is amazing.  Apparently there were some mistakes made with his sentencing and it could be possible that he could be released.  Karen’s dad is serious mafia and even though we’ll never know what he did in his life, I hope they get him out.

These women are fascinating and I am now interested in reading Karen’s book.  I never really got her and was not a fan, but watching her cry in Arizona, and learning of her dad going away to save her, I am fascinated. These chicks are good television and I am reinvested in this show.  Can’t wait to see what happens with Sammy.  These chicks are keeping it real.

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March 11, 2013 | 7:59 am

The Real Housewives of Atlanta in Sin City

Posted by Ilana Angel

NeNe is done with the ladies in Los Angeles so they are heading to Las Vegas.  Nene is sending them on a bus, a nice bus, but still a bus.  She is flying to meet them.   NeNe says she is going first class but the truth is the flight is about 45 minutes and unless she flew private, first class does not apply.  Funny though that Nene wants to make it sound all special.

The girls are packing up and we see Cynthia’s real hair.  Interesting. I know there are wigs and weaves on this show, but I thought her real hair looked beautiful.  Kenya is pissed off about Phaedra being a bitch while Kandi is talking to Todd and could care less about anything.  By care less of course I mean she starts drama, but she is not stirring at the moment,

Kenya is growing on me.  Much like a fungus, she is spreading and gaining strength.  While I think she is completely crazy, the chicks are pushing her off the ledge.  She may not be as cray cray as we all thought.  Poor girl.  I like her.  Important to note I reserve the right to change my mind at any given moment, for no apparent reason, but right now I like her.

Phaedra is a bitch.  She can tell us she is a southern belle until the cows come home, but she is not.  She is a mean, bitter, bitch.  For real.  Also, her boobs bug me.  She has those little peanuts pushed up to within an inch of their lives.  I don’t know how she manages but she should just get a boob job and take the pressure off.  Literally.  They have no circulation.

Kenya is trying to make the bus ride fun but it is lame.  They do impersonations of each other and it is not funny.  Kandi is bored, Cynthia is dumb, Kenya is passive aggressive, Phaedra is a bitch, and Porsha is scared. These women on a bus is enough to make me drink.  Actually, I started drinking long before they got on the bus, so it could get messy.

Cynthia wants to go to The Crazy Horse and plays dumb about not knowing it is a strip club.  Phaedra makes up words as she tells us nudity is biblical. Kenya is killing herself to make the painfully long ride fun, and Kandi is a pig as she talks about sex and bowel movements.  They stop for gas and even though we are only ten minutes in, I’m about done already.

NeNe arrives in Vegas and they are staying at Planet Hollywood.  Really?  Is that the only place that would comp Bravo?  Nene is escorted up by a hotel rep and 2 security guards.  So lame.  Meanwhile back on the bus, Porsha gets pickles and ice cream as a snack but does not want to talk about possibly being pregnant.  Porsha truly is a dumb girl.  Bless her.

Phaedra says the easiest way to find out if you are pregnant is to give your pee to a rabbit.  If it dies, you are pregnant.  That is the easiest way? Kenya translates giving a rabbit pee to actually peeing on a rabbit and I am peeing myself.  It could be the wine, but these girls are insane.  Dumb is funny and so I am laughing my ass off.  The ladies hook up with NeNe.

Everyone is dolled up and heading out for a night on the town.  Nene is refreshed and rested, while the others are dragging their asses out after a full day on the bus.  They are off to see strippers and Porsha is not going. She thinks it will upset her boss, I mean husband, so she is not going.  It’s very odd.  She got dressed up drop them off at the club?  Yup.

Strip clubs make Porsha sad so she is out.  Cynthia is wearing the most fabulous wig, and everyone is judging Porsha.  Here’s the thing, strip clubs are not my thing.  Why not go see men strip?  Phaedra is drooling over the beautifully manicured vag, while Kandi and Kenya look like they might want to take a dip in the lady pond.  NeNe is reliving her time as a stripper.

I love NeNe and to hear her talk about her stripping days with pride is really something. She may not have been proud to do it then, but it has contributed to who she is now and I love that.  NeNe is preaching the truth while everyone dumps all over Porsha and her subservient life with her husband.  I think it is s a choice for Porsha not a prison sentence.

Sidebar:  Bravo shows us a commercial for the new show “Married to Medicine”.  It is about another group of women in Atlanta, only they are all doctors or married to doctors.  Please God, let them be a huge hit so the housewives of Atlanta are cancelled.  These chicks have run their course and it is time for them to go away.  Give NeNe a show and lose the rest.

Come morning, Cynthia is dressed like a hooker that just got off work, and Porsha is getting her make up done while she talks to her boss.  I mean husband.  Cynthia is stirring up trouble and Phaedra wants us to know she is the perfect woman.  If she says “child” one more time I will scream.  Cynthia is gossiping and Nene is not buying it.  She thinks Porsha is controlled.

They are off to play showgirl and NeNe tells Porsha they are all concerned for her.  Porsha tells them she is a Christian and strip clubs are against her faith.  Really?  I know a lot of God fearing Christian girls who strip to support their families.  Porsha is an idiot.  Don’t pull the faith card moron. Porsha is out of her league and these women will eat her alive.

Porsha says she is proud of her boss for “letting” her go on the trip. Kenya mocks the “letting” and Porsha lets us know that if Kenya let a man take care of her, maybe she’d have a man.  Phaedra lets us know not everyone can be a doctor or a lawyer and it is dummies that make the world go around.  Phaedra is a lawyer and a complete dummy.  Bless her.

NeNe is trying to empower Porsha and she would have been more successful had she done it one-on-one, not in the group of losers.  It is driving me nuts that Kandi’s hair keeps changing during her interviews.  Bravo makes me angry.  They are still all talking about Porsha, she is understandably upset, and I am bored.  I feel like this episode is three hours long.

Kandi is looking at engagement rings and Kenya wants to kill herself. Perfection.  Poor Kenya.  Surely she can find a nice man.  Anyone? Anyone? Cynthia is riding a bull and we see that Bravo is squeezing out another episode of Vanderpump Rules.  Really?  This is the dumbest show on television and it needs to die already.  I’m so over those losers.

Kandi is having a sex toy party and I am roiling my eyes.  She is whoring out her business and it is so stupid.  Who cares?  Nobody is interested and you have to wonder when Bravo will learn that they are scraping the bottom of the barrel with these chicks.  No Nene, no show, and even Nene can’t make these girls interesting enough to fill an hour a week.

Kandi gives Porsha a pregnancy test but she is not interested.  She will share the moment with her husband on camera, not with the ladies on camera. They are trying to eat strawberries in a sexy way and I am mortified for them. Their kids will see this, but that does not seem to limit thee women.  The strawberry scene is just too much. Phaedra brings up Walter.

Kenya is minding her business and Phaedra brings up Walter only to hurt her. Kenya is not a happy girl.  Phaedra says it is always drama with Kenya, unwilling to take any of the responsibility for the drama.  They are playing a secret question game and Kenya makes it all about her and Phaedra.  Kenya wants to know why Phaedra is so mean to her all the time.

Commercials for Don’t Be Tardy make me want to kill myself.  Phaedra and Kenya are going at it. I’m on Kenya’s side in this fight.  Kenya tells Phaedra she cut her to the white meat.  What?   Phaedra asks Kenya if she wants an apology and Kenya says no.  Was the point not to get an apology?   I watch this show because I’m addicted, not because they are keeping it real.

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March 5, 2013 | 7:02 pm

All Star Celebrity Apprentice – Bret Michaels Crashes

Posted by Ilana Angel

I was planning to watch and not blog, but it is just too good to not have my say.  Not a lot of celebrities, but with Donald Trump at the helm, and his delusional view of his own celebrity on display, the cast makes sense.  This is not an interesting group, but they are good television. By good television of course I mean watching them humiliate themselves is perfection.

The cast is as follows: Trace Adkins, Stephen Baldwin, Gary Busey, Penn Jillette, Lil Jon, Bret Michaels, Dennis Rodman, Dee Snider, Marilu Henner, La Toya Jackson, Claudia Jordan, Omarosa, Lisa Rinna, Brande Roderick. Really?  This is a pathetic group and while I like some of them as people, labeling some of them celebrities, when they are simply famous, is lame.

Trump opens by asking everyone why they came back.  Brande says she is raising money for abused children, then says she is going to kiss ass.  Really? That was an unfortunate response.  Lisa is botoxed within an inch of her life and it is frightening.  Trump does not understand why Bret would come back when he left a champion, and you just know he is going home first.

Bret and Trace are chosen to select their teams and the picking begins. Bret starts out by selecting Omarosa.  Wow.  He is really very dumb.  Bless him. I think his wearing a bandana with fake hair sewn in it is squeezing his brain.  Dennis is the last one chosen and it is sad.  He walks over to Claudia and tells her it is fate they are together.  She is mortified.

Trace calls his team “Plan B” and Bret goes with team “Power”.  The selecting of the team name shows us immediately who is crazy, who is delusional, who is an idiot, and who is going to regret they ever agreed to do this again. Trace is the Project Manager for the first task and Brande takes the lead for her team.  Big mistake for Bret to give up the power. Dumbass.

Judging with Trump are Piers Morgan and Ivanka.  Piers is a douchebag and immediately goes after Omarosa.  She fires back then throws Bret under the bus for not being Project Manager. The challenge is to sell meatballs and the winner is determined by who raises the most money.  Bret is regretting his decision to relinquish control and the battle beings.  Here we go people.

La Toya is mad that Omarosa is there because she is not a celebrity.  Really? Is La Toya Jackson a celebrity?  No. She is not.  Trace decides to not open their meatball shop to the public, but only sell to his big donor friends. Lisa is using her husband’s meatball recipe and makes it a whole sexual thing about hairy balls.  Not something that makes me want to have a taste.

Dennis is not being used for anything and is basically dismissed by the group. Stephen does not want to raise money for anyone but himself.  Trace is talking to model Niki Taylor but calls her Taylor, which I’m guessing was a feeble attempt to make us think he is talking to country singer Taylor Swift, seeing as he is a country singer.  Such a lame thing to do.

The teams go to the set of Live with Kelly and Michael so they can taste the meatballs and select their favorite.  The team they pick wins an additional $20K.  Lil Jon presents a vegetarian meatball, which I love.  They put truffle oil on it because apparently truffle oil can make crap taste good.  The sexual innuendos about the meatballs by Penn, are not appreciated by the audience.

Omarosa is talking about getting rid of Bret and says the teachings of the bible allow her to trample him.  Interesting interpretation of scripture.  The money starts coming in for both teams.  Brande is scrambling to get bodies and her donors through the door, while Trace is not selling to the public and waiting on bug checks.  Obviously Trace is going to win.

This show is predictable, the music is funny, and even though they try to fake us out, we have been watching for years and we know how it will go down.  This show is mindless fun and I find myself laughing a lot of the time. By laughing of course I mean I am laughing at these people, not with them.  It really is silly fun and while I’m not sure I’ll blog every week, I am watching.

Actual celebrities are coming through Trace’s shop and giving big money, while smaller amounts but more people are stopping by Brande’s store. Omarosa is in charge of the money and she is thrilled about every dollar, unless it comes from a friend of Bret’s.  She is on a mission to destroy him and it is really sad.  He is harmless, quite lovely, and she is a bitch to him.

Piers stops by to see Trace’s shop and he annoys the hell out of me.  I find everything about Piers Morgan to be offensive.  His voice alone makes me itchy.  Danielle Staub stops by to give a thousand bucks and even though we only see her for a total of 3 seconds, it is enough to remind us that she should be on television.  I hope she returns as a housewife in New Jersey.

Piers heads to Brande’s team and his voice is like nails on a chalkboard.  His questioning is ridiculous. He is ridiculous.  This show would be just as entertaining if it were an hour.  Brande cries because a donor bails on her and she is pissed.  They want us to think she will win and it is a fake out, but her team is losing.  Can you bet on Celebrity Apprentice in Vegas? I’d be rich.

It is boardroom time and the first topic of discussion is to throw Bret under the bus.  It is relentless and I feel bad for Bret.  The boardroom is an hour long and I’m getting bored.  It is fun to watch them turn on each other, but it is so dragged out it is painful. Stephen Baldwin is useless.  He is set up to be fired should his team lose, but we know that is not happening.

Piers is back on his campaign to embarrass Omarosa but he is only making himself look like an asshole.  I like Omarosa and I think she has a shot to win here.  People will hate her and she’ll be in the boardroom a lot, but I still like her. There is still 40 minutes to go and I am reaching for my remote control. I’m sure I’m skipping over some good stuff, but honestly, I’m done.

Trace wins over $650K for The Red Cross, which is awesome.  Piers wants Omarosa fired, La Toya wants Brande fired, but everyone else wants Bret fired. Brande is a dingbat and she should be fired for being so dumb.  I need a drink.  By drink of course I mean a bottle of Cuervo and a straw.  It would appear that Omarosa stole some of the money but nobody questions her.

Brande is spared because she raised so much money, and La Toya is spared because she did nothing wrong.  Ivanka, Donald, and Piers all thought Brande should have brought Omarosa back.  In the end poor Bret Michaels, the returning champion, is fired and while we are not shown it, the poor boy cried.  I am hooked and will blog as long as they keep it real.

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March 5, 2013 | 4:06 pm

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – French Fried

Posted by Ilana Angel

We are still in Paris with the ladies and while I love the scenery, the Richards woman are giving me a severe lower back pain.  Dear Lord, those two hags need to get off my TV.  We start off with Yolanda and Brandi working out along the Seine.  Brandi is sick so I’m not buying the work out, but the conversation is nice and the two of them together are fun.

Kyle and her douchebag go to visit a lover’s bridge to place a lock symbolizing their love.  Kyle is wearing the ugliest pants ever made, her witchy warts are not looking good in the Paris light, and her shoe selection to walk the streets of Paris is ridiculous.  I think Kyle and Mauricio are fake and only look longingly into each other’s eyes to see their own reflections.

Giggy is out for a stroll with Ken, Lisa and Kim.  Kim is slurring her words, distracted by everything, and clearly medicated. I feel uncomfortable watching.  Kim blogged she was acting strange due to taking the wrong meds, but that is crap.  She is using, we can all see it, and Bravo should respect her enough to let her go.

Kim tells Lisa she is not close to Kyle but trying, and Lisa tells Kim she is not close to Kyle and not really trying that hard.  Lisa and Kim are suffering bad Paris shoe selections also.  What were they thinking?  Ken and Lisa are sweet, and Kim is lovely, but the star of the entire scene is Giggy.

Yolanda wins for the best shoes for walking through Paris.  She is with Lisa and Ken but I don’t get the editing.  They say they were with Kim but she went back to the hotel. It seems weird they are now with Yolanda.  The forced time together is part of the game but it needs to be edited better.

They are all speaking of Kim coming out of rehab and her obvious relapse, and I think it is shady.  How is it that Bravo allows everyone to talk about what is an obvious problem, yet allow her to continue on a show that stresses her out to much she cannot stop using?  Kim is Frech fried.

The ladies are off to cooking class and wait until they get to the car to notice Kim is missing.  Sidebar:  Kyle is again wearing hideous pants. Dear Kyle, you should never wear white pants and certainly not when standing next to Yolanda or Brandi wearing white pants.  Nice camel toe.

Kim fell asleep in her room and that is why she is late.  You get tired when you take tranquilizers I guess. Everyone gossips about Kim relapsing and Kyle manages to make it all about her.  SHE is worried, SHE does not know what is happening, SHE is hurt by Kim’s behavior. Blah, blah, blah.

Kim apologizes for being late and Lisa asks if she took a sleeping pill.  Not nice Lisa.  I believe Lisa’s timeline but do not think her humiliating Kim in front of the group was necessary. I love Lisa but she could take a lesson or two from Brandi on this episode.  Kim starts crying.

Lisa talks about her addiction and it is sad.  Kyle is thrilled by her sister’s problems because it means she gets more camera time.  Lisa goes out to the car, against Brandi’s advice, to check on her.  She is sincere in her worry but she shouldn't have never gone out.  Kim is a mess.

Lisa says she was being lighthearted which I guess she thought she was, but really?  The woman just got out of rehab, is clearly using, so a lighthearted joke about popping sleeping pills is not the way to go.  They wait for the Richard girls so they can start their French cooking class.

Brandi is not feeling well, but she is lovely in terms of her view of Kim.  She is supportive, guides the others on how to deal with her, and completely offensive in that she is sick and looks fabulous.  Who looks like that when sick?  Damn you Brandi. No red nose or puffy eyes?

They are making duck and cut his head off.  It is repulsive and not just because I am a vegetarian.  It was horrific and I’m not into it.  They start their lesson and just as revolting as the beheading of the duck, is Kyle’s hair in the kitchen.  Couldn’t she put it up so won’t touch the food?

Lisa is talking to Kyle to see if Kim is okay and Kyle makes it all about her. Honestly, this woman is just too much.  Mauricio and Ken are off to join the ladies for dinner to eat their duck.  The girls make hearts for their hubs and Brandi puts an “FU” on hers. Porn 101.  Brandi is good TV.

Brandi and Kim talk and it makes Kyle crazy because she is being eaten alive by her jealousy of Brandi. Lisa talks to Mauricio about Kim and the drama of the day, but the editing is just off.  I do not believe for one minute that Lisa started up that conversation on her own.

Kyle, Kim, Yolanda and Mauricio are shopping and Vile uses the opportunity to plug her new store.  Kyle says it is stupid for her to buy things in Paris because she will carry them in her store.  Really?  Kyle is an idiot and her self-absorption makes my eye twitch and me angry,

Kim is bitching to Kyle and Yolanda about Lisa, and encouraging them to talk to her about her bad behavior.  Kyle says she has kept neutral and apologized to Lisa until she was blue in the face.  Cut to shots of Kyle not apologizing to Lisa.  The Richards sisters are bitches. For real.

Mauricio buys Kim a pocketbook as a gift.  Whatever.  Kyle is carrying what appears to be Whole Foods shopping bag around Paris.  Whatever.  Mauricio and Ken go for a segway tour of Paris.  Whatever.  The scenes with the husbands are simply asking too much of me.  Who cares?

The ladies are off to the Eiffel Tower. Paris is divine.  Kyle confronts Lisa, again, to talk about her, again.  Lisa is over it and has no idea why they are hashing it out, again.  Yolanda and Kim eavesdrop and it is so lame. Lisa could care less and before we know it Kyle is fake crying.

Just when I think Kyle can’t get any grosser, she says Lisa only has room for Brandi.  How old is she?  Kyle tells the camera she has been replaced and I am laughing.  What a pathetic bitch.  She insists Lisa tell her she loves her and it is just insane.  I love Lisa and am repulsed by Kyle.

Next week the ladies are back from Paris and Kyle finally has the opening of her store.  Taylor is back and confronts Yolanda so that should be fun. I can’t wait for it to be over so the dead weight of Taylor and Adrienne is gone.  If we can get rid of Kim and Kyle, we can start keeping it real.

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March 5, 2013 | 11:57 am

The Shahs of Sunset Wrap It Up

Posted by Ilana Angel

When we met these people it was instant love.  As the reunion for the second season ends, they leave with not only my not loving them, but my having lost respect for the group.  This is a miserable bunch of people who let fame ruin them.  They went from fun and fabulous to mean and ridiculous. I hope they are all ashamed of what they have become and watch the shows over and over again so they can change.  These people are embarrassing themselves and their families. I am embarrassed that I watched at all.

Asa is full of herself and I am fascinated anyone in the world would spend money on her diamond water.  It is a pile of crap and if you buy it you need your head examined. It is a waste of money and you will get the same benefits from drinking out of the toilet. Lily is simply ridiculous.  Her hair and makeup are too much and her body is cartoonish.  She is not interesting and for someone who is so educated, she is an airhead.  She is also a troublemaker who helped rip authentic friendships of the first season apart.

Mike brings nothing to the table, although in the reunion he appears to be the only decent one.  He is attractive and maybe that is why they kept him, but Sammy was better television and I would have preferred Sammy stay and Mike go.  I wouldn’t miss Mike because I never noticed him. GG is angry and of the entire cast, the most damaging to the Persian community in terms of being a representative for a culture many people don’t know a lot about. She is mean, stupid, violent, dishonest, slutty, and an alcoholic.

MJ is a mess but I love her.  She is a product of her upbringing and simply should not be on this show.  She cannot trust the people around her, which is a precarious position to be in. She is compelling but her skeletons are coming out and it is sad. Reza was the best thing to happen to reality television in a long time.  He is also the poster child for how reality television can change you into something that you are not, or perhaps always were.  Reza is spiteful, and on a mission to humiliate people he claims to love.

Part two of the reunion is sad and a waste of time.  They are not talking about the season but rather talking smack about each other. This was never about recapping the season, but about publically humiliating each other. They are uncomfortable to watch. The talk quickly turns to Reza hitting MJ below the belt.  He calls her a drug addict, alcoholic, and a convicted felon. Everyone is taking pleasure in watching him rip her apart and I am choosing to not watch it anymore. This reunion is shameful and I’m done.

Oddly enough, at the end of the day I like these people. It is sad the show changed them so dramatically. I hope they come back for a third season, with Sammy, and they take a hard look at themselves and remember that we are not only watching but we are judging.  That is how reality TV works. Enough with being mean and obnoxious, they need to go back to being fabulous and obnoxious.  I’ll give them one more shot. One more episode is all we need to know if they are keeping it real.

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March 4, 2013 | 10:25 pm

Mob Wives – Love Rocks & Carla Sucks

Posted by Ilana Angel

I blogged Mob Wives the first season and couldn’t be bothered last season because it was hit and miss in terms of being entertaining.  This season however, they have new life and I have been sucked back in.  A large part of their new appeal is the addition of Love Majewski. This chick is good television.  The truth is that with the exception of Carla, they are all good television.  I like some more than others but no need to piss them off so lets get started before I chicken out because these women are rough.

Renee and Drita are meeting for dinner.  Renee looks fabulous and I am happy she is home from rehab and feeling good.  Drita tells Renee that Lee is out and back in town.  I love how excited Drita is to have him home and it is nice to see Rene’s support of her friend.  Renee is a good egg.  Drita is giving Lee another shot and I think it is cool.  I’m not one to forgive cheating, but if it works for her then bravo and good luck.  Renee is feeling strong but in tune with her addiction and clear on the long road ahead of her.

Carla is at the bar visiting Ang and I just don’t like this chick.  I don’t trust her, think she is full of crap, and enjoys stirring the pot because it is the only thing that makes her relevant.  Hilarious that Carla tells Ang that Love is irrelevant to her.  Really?  Carla is irrelevant.  She is also rude and simply not that interesting.  She is going through a lot with her family and I get it, but she is trying too hard to be the tough girl and in the end it makes her look stupid not tough.  I’m not a fan of her or her drama.

Love and Karen are out grocery shopping and it is hilarious.  Karen lets us know she is no Chef Boyardee, which is too funny.  She is heading back to Arizona to wrap things up with her ex and Love is supportive.  She lets us know she would kill her ex and again I am laughing.  Not at her, but in delight of her. This chick is perfection. She is a badass, authentic, and very entertaining.  Karen gets a call from her knew business partner Storm and tries to flirt which is adorable.  Poor girl is out of practice.

Karen makes plans to go out with Storm and is panicked about whether it is work or pleasure.  No matter how tough a girl is, when it comes to love we are all unsure.  It is cute to see her vulnerable and it makes her look sweet which is a side of her we don’t really see often.  Love assures her it is a date but Karen is not sure.  Over to Drita, she is with Ang and they are picking up new rims for her car.  Drita is a badass and she scares me a little. She is funny and cute, but can flip on a dime, and that is intimidating.

Her happiness about Lee is giddy.  Ang is very supportive of Lee and Drita being together.  Drita is getting new boobs so she can look good for her man. She’s beautiful and it’s darling that she is acting like a love struck teenager. Lee is working at a funeral home and she can relax that he won’t kill anyone because they are all dead already.  Perfect.  Cut to Karen she is on her “date” with Storm and it is awkwardly fantastic.  She is nervous, he is suave, and even I can’t read him.  I feel for her. Dating sucks big time.

Storm is making sexual references and Karen is not sure what to do because she does not know if she should play with the sex talk or not because she is not sure if it is a date or not.  I am laughing because I have been on a date like this myself and it is horrible.  Exciting, but horrible.  Bless her.  Over to Ramona, she is off to pick up her engagement ring from her safety deposit box.  I could not marry a man who might be going to prison, but I’m not Ramona so good luck to her.  Everyone has their own path.

Sidebar:  Mob Wives has the best soundtrack on television.  I have discovered many great artists through this show and I am a huge fan of Paloma Faith so it was awesome to hear her song Freedom.  Ramona invites Karen over so she can tell her about the engagement before she announces it to everyone else. Her ring is spectacular and before she has time to admire it, Karen arrives to crap all over her.  Ramona mentions that she is getting married before he goes to prison and Karen loses her mind.

I can’t tell if Karen is mad about the engagement or that Ramona kept it a secret from her. Is she jealous or just a supportive friend who is worried for her future?  Karen is hardcore and rips into Ramona with no real compassion.  Her view may be compassionate, but there is no warmth in her tone.  I get that Karen has been there herself, but it is all in the delivery and Karen’s delivery sucks. Watching them fight is uncomfortable.  Karen is very judgmental and it is not cute.  She handles this all wrong.

We head over to Love’s house and she is talking to an old boyfriend.  She says she would need an archeological dig to get to her “vajay” because it’s been so long since she had relations with a man.  She is cute.  She will cut a bitch without a second thought, but she is still really cute.  Watching these women, who are so unlike us, go through things that we have all gone through, is interesting.  In the end we have more in common with them than not and that is strange because in many ways we would not want their lives.

The gang is off to a party for furs and pocketbooks.  There are a lot of regular folks with Mob Wives thrown in for fun.  Ramona wants to announce her engagement and is worried Karen will ruin it.  Ramona makes a harmless joke about Karen in a fur and Karen goes off.  Ramona heads to the kitchen where Renee is having a conversation that has nothing to do with anyone but Ramona thinks it is about her and Karen wants to make it all about Ramona. No good can come of this.  Ramona is now on fire and ready to go.

Ramona’s big announcement is ruined.  Karen is screaming, Renee is confused, and Ang is concerned. Everyone congratulates Ramona, which pisses Karen off.  It is a mess.  The other party guests look uncomfortable and annoyed that their moment on TV revolves around a fight about the mob and prison. Karen calms down, Ramona is over Karen, and we move on. Ang is preparing for a holiday party at her home and the ladies are starting to cancel, but it all goes down next week so I’ll be back then to keep it real.

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March 4, 2013 | 8:46 pm

Real Housewives of Atlanta Go Hollywood

Posted by Ilana Angel

We start off with NeNe who is hosting the ladies in Los Angeles.  Gregg is excited to see the girls for a visit at their home and we learn that after LA the girls are off to Vegas for some fun.  NeNe’s impersonation of Kenya is hilarious and you just know that these bitches are going to ruin the visit.  Kenya is not talking to Phaedra or Porsha but she is not going to stress out about them because letting it go will reduce her chances of cancer.  Dear Lord she is crazy. The girls arrive and they can’t drive up to the house because their dumbass Hummer limo is too big.  Kandi complains nonstop.

Bravo is putting the bitches up in a rental and it is fabulous. I’m not sure why they didn’t go to a hotel for two days but whatever.  NeNe drives down to pick them up and they are impressed with the house and congratulate NeNe as if she had something to do with it.  Bravo thinks viewers are stupid. NeNe is a genius for not wanting them in her house.  Kenya looks around at the rental wondering why she does not live there and Porsha is in awe. Everyone is tired from the long day.  Really?  They flew from Atlanta to LA not Atlanta to Paris.  These chicks are spoiled, ridiculous, and full of crap.

The girls were supposed to be at NeNe’s for dinner at 9:00 pm and they arrive at almost midnight.  She hired a caterer and bartender but these bitches never bothered to tell her they were coming late.  Very interesting that they arrive in a Hummer limo.  Did they walk down the hill to the car? Important to note that Bravo needs to start treating the viewer with respect because we are pissed off.  Was the entire scene with NeNe having to pick them up fake?  Yes.  Did they hire a separate car to drive them down the hill? No.  This show sucks when they pull garbage like this on us.

They arrive and Nene sends them all home which is perfect. Porsha thinks NeNe sending them home is disrespectful.  Kenya insists they are there for Nene but Ms. NeNe is not having it and they leave.  It is shocking they are all kvetching about how rude Nene was.  Really? Such a pathetic bunch. NeNe is pissed, the bitches are annoyed, Gregg is gracious, and Cynthia is mortified.  Cynthia knows that they only time we care about her on this show is when she is with NeNe so she can see her money train pulling away from the station.  Kandi too tired to say sorry for being late, but requests food.

They stop for burgers on the way back to their house and in the interview section Kandi’s hairstyle changed from one sentence to the next. The editing and scripting of this show is shameful.  Night one in Los Angeles is a total bust but in Gone With The Wind fashion, tomorrow is another day.  Twirl! The next day Kenya gets up early to make breakfast for the group.  She makes a basic meal but wants to be thanked for making a breakfast fit for a Queen.  Whatever.  Porsha is assigned making coffee and bless her she just can’t do it.  She is really pretty and really, really stupid. For real.

Everyone comes down for breakfast and it is on.  Phaedra and Porsha are fake and lame with Kenya but Kenya is keeping calm because she does not want to get cancer.  Phaedra says being late is a black thing and let me just while it may be a black thing, it is also a rude thing.  Selfish bitches. Gregg and NeNe are at home and NeNe is still irritated from the night before.  Gregg talks Nene off the ledge and I love him.  I was not into him last season but bless him, he has worked hard to get her back and I am happy for them.  I hope they have a beautiful new life together.

The group is going to The Groundlings Improv Company for a class and Kenya wants it to be all about her.  She goes on and on about what a talented and accomplished actress she is while everyone rolls their eyes.  Kenya is livid that she is not getting respect from the others for her acting career. Sidebar:  I think Kenya Moore is mentally deficient.  She is really not well and while I get she needed the money, this show is doing her no favors.  We didn’t know who she was before she was on the show and now that we do, we simply don’t care.  I wonder what she thinks of herself on here.

They do an improve game and Kenya hates on everyone.  NeNe arrives late, classic.  Kandi is talking about food again, and the class ends.  The girls are off to see Nene’s workplace.  She gives them a tour of Paramount and clearly can’t drive a golf cart.  The girls look in her trailer but don’t enter. Weird. Kenya is flirting with any man who crosses her path and it would be cute and charming if she were not so crazy.  Cut to everyone dolled up and sitting down to dinner.  Porsha is not drinking and everyone asks if she is preggers. She says she is not, but trying.  Phaedra says she is trying too.

Everyone is talking about babies and Kenya is sad.  I feel bad for her.  I still think she is a lunatic, but I feel bad for her.  Kandi says Kim stole her baby name and we are transported right back to high school.  In an attempt to hurt Kenya, she brings up the workout video drama.  Such a loser. Kenya is not getting sucked in and Phaedra is idiotic, so they switch to marriage.  NeNe feels lucky to be with Gregg, Porsha is happy to bow down to her husband, and Kenya announces she broke up with Walter.  Phaedra says it is because you cannot make a whore a housewife.  Oh no she didn’t.

Yes she did!  Everyone is talking about how much they all like Walter and it hurts Kenya’s feelings.  Porsha is rubbing her friendship with Walter in Kenya’s face and Kenya has enough and walks off.  NeNe chases after her to fix it and it’s a real shame.  The gossiping at the table continues. These girls are hard on Kenya and it’s a drag.  Kenya makes us think she is crazy all by herself so they should just back off and let her embarrass herself on her own and stop trying so hard to humiliate her.  I have no respect for Phaedra.  Porsha and Cynthia are just too dumb to talk about.

Next week they will be in Vegas so that will be fun.  By fun of course I mean a train wreck.  The more the girls pick on Kenya the more I like her and think they are trash.  I really hope Nene does not come back next year so I can give up Atlanta once and for all because this city is not keeping it real.

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February 28, 2013 | 2:42 pm

The Bachelor is Down to his Final Two

Posted by Ilana Angel

Dear Lord. Please make this show end.  I am so bored and at the point where this show is simply painful.  Sean goes on and on about the women and I want to stick my hand down my throat and remove my own kidney so I can throw it at the television.  I will never understand why this show is two hours long.  Mike Fleiss must be banging someone at ABC.  By banging of course I mean supplying them with drugs because there is no way these people are not high.  How else can they think two hours is acceptable?

The recapping they do makes me angry.  We are watching the same thing over and over again.  The actual new content each week is probably about 30 minutes and could be stretched out to an hour, not two hours of complete and total crap.  At minute 15 we finally get new stuff.  We are now in Thailand and on a date with Lindsay.  They are sweet together, I like her, and she is my pick.   Important to note that I am watching along with all of you and do not read any spoilers.  I want to be surprised.

In a desperate attempt to be brave like her fake slutty boyfriend, Lindsay eats a bug at the open market.  Really?  Lindsay is an idiot. Bless her. Sidebar: Just when I thought this show could not get more offensive, there are tweets up on my screen.  Are these new?  Have they been there all season and I was too drunk to notice?  I want them gone.  Who cares? I bet half of them are written by the high editor, not real people.  Lindsay is in love, their kiss noises are creepy, and I think I might hurl.

Lindsay tries to tell Sean she loves him but can’t get it out.  A Thai troupe of dancers comes out and the moment is gone.  Instead she will go to the fantasy suite and have sexual relations with him.  Remembering that he is a born again virgin, the definition of sexual relations is up for interpretation, but there is something going on with those two crazy kids.  By crazy kids of course I mean pathetic freaks who cannot possibly believe that love can be found in this way.   I absolutely love how ridiculous this show is.

In the fantasy suite Sean is blubbering on about how great their future could be and Lindsay finally tells him she loves him to the crescendo of cheesy romantic music.  She tells the camera the moment is life changing as we watch her get led off to bed.  I am dying.   While Lindsay’s Army General dad watches his baby be led off for sex at home, we are about to start our next date.  Perfection.  We are with Little Orphan AshLee for her big day and you just know her gushing means she will be sent home tonight.

AshLee is scared of everything and trusts nobody, so the perfect date is to be led through an underwater cave in the dark.  Brilliant.  She is going to look death in the eye for love.  AshLee is an idiot.  Bless her.  Sean is never, in a million years and for a million dollars, going to marry a girl who got married at 17 in order to piss off her mom.  Never going to happen.  He has clearly checked out and is in it for the boobs while she is going on and on about how much she loves him and he is her soul mate. Oy vey.

They are at dinner and Sean is a talented boy because she can blow smoke up her ass while he is pouring her a glass of wine.  Round of applause please. Ashlee is acting like there is a chance she will actually say no to the fantasy suite and I am doing a shot of tequila to get through it.  She is not only going to the suite, but she will do some blowing of her own.  They are off to the sex suite and as her parents watch back home, cut to commercial so we can come back for Catherine’s shot at slutty Sean.

I don’t get Catherine.  I find her to be weird and rather odd.  By odd of course I mean it is as though she is on lithium, looking off into the distance when she talks to Sean, never looking him in the eye.  She is not that into him, is clearly talking herself into him, and I think she should go home because she is annoying.  Her sisters were strange, her voice is nagging, and the poor girl does not own a hairbrush.  It makes me crazy that she will not look at him.  Not when she is talking, or when he is talking.

The dinner conversation between Catherine and Sean makes me want to stick a toothpick in my eye and once I eat the final olive in my martini, I might in fact do it.  All three of these morons tell Sean they were unsure what to do about the fantasy suite and it is hilarious.  They were always going to go to the fantasy suite.  They know it, he knows it, we know it.  Sean manages to bag all three chicks and I am pissed off because I enjoyed my final olive but dropped the toothpick.  I think it might be under the couch.

Listening to Sean recap his week with Chris Harrison is too much.  I honestly cannot stand it.  Harrison is useless.  His questions, hand movements, facial expressions, and looks of deep thought and compassion make me pee myself.  Sean is going on and on about how he already knows who he is dumping.  It is Ashlee of course. This show is so predictable.  Every single time she said she loved him it was another nail in her coffin.  I do not like Sean, despise Chris, and am on the floor looking for a toothpick.

Watching the video messages to Sean from the three losers is painful.  It is just another crapfest of recapping and I am bored.  Lindsay declares her love and that her goal is to devote herself to making him happy.  Blah. Blah. Blah.  Even in her video Catherine looks away from the camera.  She is a freak and there is no way he should pick her.  Blah. Blah. Blah. AshLee is crying in her video and telling him she has never been happier in her whole entire life.  Someone shoot her and end her misery already.

Ashlee is bawling and Sean is doing all he can to not laugh.  She is going home and mark my words, if she is the next Bachelorette I will not watch her season.  Not doing it.  We now have five minutes of dramatic music with Sean looking constipated.  AshLee leaves without saying a word to him, then cries in the car like all the losers before her.  Gawd!!!!  Ashlee wants us all to know that this experience was serious to her and not about laughing and having fun.  This was a real shot at fame damn it.

Next week will be the Women Tell Special and since I can’t remember who most of the women are, I won’t bother blogging it. I will be watching and there will undoubtedly be some gems so I will Tweet it.  I will be back for the finale and can’t wait.  More for it to be over than the actually outcome, but whatever.  My prediction is the letter they show being delivered is from his Mom not Catherine or Lindsay.  Predictable.  I will see you next week on Twitter where I will be drunk, but keeping it real.

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