September 15, 2011 | 5:02 pm

Survivor is Back and There Might be Pot!

Posted by Ilana Angel

Follow me on

The best thing about Big Brother ending is it means Survivor is starting.  I love this show and for the past few years I look forward to it with hope they will shake it up and give us something new and fresh.  I loved Russell and having him back was enough to keep me interested, but I’m not sure this cast, Coach and Ozzie included, will keep me hooked for the season.

You can tell who will be great and who will suck, but there is nobody sticking out as a much watch.  It could still happen of course, but it’s a little disappointing that we were not given a taste of something good from the get go.  If I had to pick a favorite out of the gate, it’s Jim the pot salesman.  I can tell I’m going to dig this guy.  My least favorite is Russell’s nephew Brandon.

I automatically don’t like people who throw out comparisons to Hitler on reality television.  Really?  He says that if people knew he was Russell’s nephew, they would look at him like he was Hitler.  Seriously?  It‘s Survivor you dumb ass and nobody is comparing you to Hitler.  Moron.  Stupid is not entertaining and as far as I’m concerned, he can go home quickly.

Sidebar:  I will never understand why it is that Jeff Probst keeps winning an Emmy, year after year, for hosting this show.  He’s charming to be sure, but is there any talent behind those fabulous dimples?  He is edited into perfection, whereas Tom Bergeron is great live, and robbed of his Emmy each year.  Even Ryan Seacrest should win an Emmy over Probst.

Ozzie and Coach go head to head to win fire for their tribes.  Ozzie wins it. No surprise there.  They win as a team and everyone heads back to camp.  I felt bad for Coach and he looked so sad to have lost.  Everyone leaves him but some young chick names Edna.  She offers to help him carry his stuff and it’s a really sweet moment.  Damn it!  I’m hooked at minute 15.

At camp, Ozzie’s team is mellow and not stressed, while Coach and his gang are a little frantic.  Ozzie is lusting over some poet chick who is already bugging the crap out of me.  Her name is Semhar and she is all about using her boobs for attention because she knows her personality won’t be enough to do it.  I wonder if Jim brought some pot with him since it’s medicinal?

Ozzie’s team goes swimming to bond and get to know each other.  No pressure to build shelter.  Cochran the young Harvard student is hilarious, but they are going to eat him alive.  Coach is rallying the troops to get the camp organized.  I like Coach.  He’s a little creepy, but inherently good and I hope they don’t dump him too soon. They should dump Brandon and Christine.

Pothead Jim tells everyone he is a science teacher, but is really an MBA holding, poker playing, weed salesman.  I freaking love this guy.  Gay old guy Mark is sweet and I like him.  Dawn the old chick is a hot mess and needs to go on a walk with Jim so she can “relax”.  So funny that she makes Bob Marley references to Ozzie when Jim is a better comparison.

Brandon is covered in tats, talks about how he was a bully, and now his life is all about God.  Mikayla is one of the pretty girls and she is all about showing off her body, which is confusing and uncomfortable to Brandon, who does not want to be faced with temptation.  Praise Jesus, this could get good.  They show Brandon lusting after her through the trees and it’s brilliant.

Alliances are being made and it’s necessary and predictable, but lame.  They are talking about how they feel so comfortable together, but really?  You’ve known each other for 5 minutes.  I get that alliances need to be made, and quickly, but use your heads people.  Dawn is having a full blown nervous breakdown and I’m laughing.  Not with her, but at her.

Cochran is hoping his charm and humor will keep him around.  Really?  Good luck with that Sweetie.  It’s challenge time.  They are playing for team immunity and a clue for the immunity idle.  Ozzie is a beast and the poet volunteers to be a coconut thrower, which is an important part of the challenge.  Cochran is super weak and Semhar is totally useless.

There is a guy named Albert, who pulls Brandon up a 10 foot wall, alone, with just his arms, and I must tell you it caught my breath.  I was so focused on Ozzie and Brandon that I forgot to fall in love with Mr. Hunkiness.  It was amazing.  I cannot tell you what he looked like, but when he pulled him up, it was all over for me.  I love you Albert.  Truly.  Love.

Semhar loses the challenge for her team and Ozzie and the gang are headed to tribal council.  She goes around camp trying to talk people into voting off poor Cochran.  Rather than go around and try to save himself, he is wallowing is self pity and talking to the camera about how insecure he is, instead of trying to get them to dump the poet.  Kind of dumb for a kid at Harvard.

Tribal council is on, and it’s going to be either Cochran or Semhar going home.  Right decision.  Poor Ozzie will need to find someone else to make out with.  Everything old is new again with this show, but whatever.  I’m watching, I’m blogging, I’m certain Brandon will not be anywhere near the player Russell was, and I hope Jim lights up a doobie.  That would be keeping it real!

September 15, 2011 | 9:27 am

America’s Got Talent Gets it Right, While Big Brother Gets it Wrong

Posted by Ilana Angel

How can one group of people get it so right on one show, and have an epic failure on another?  America’s Got Talent crowned a new champion last night in Landau Eugene Murphy, Jr., which was the correct choice.  I have loved this guy from the first moment I saw him and am very glad he won.

He is exactly what this show is about.  Landau is a guy who was once homeless, and now works in a car dealership in West Virginia as a car washer. He loves his wife and his kids, and is doing just fine.  He never cried a sob story, but rather relied on his talent to get him votes. I like him.

He is a nice guy, with a great gift, and he deserved to win. America got it right.  After spending the summer singing the classics by Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin, on the finale Landau belted out some Marvin Gaye and sounded great.  This man can sing.

He sang You’re All I Need To Get By with the divine Ms. Patti Labelle and I cannot talk about the finale without mentioned how wonderful this woman is. She is a classy lady who sings like nobody else, but beyond that she is gracious and generous.

She stood in the back and let Landau have his moment, and then when the song was done, she congratulated him and left the stage.  She allowed him to have his moment, sing with one of his idles, and then bowed out of his spotlight.  All talent and no ego.  I love you Patti.

America did the right thing, myself included, by voting for Landau to win.  I am excited for him and his family and I would totally go see him in Vegas. Just as I was applauding for America, I switched over to the finale of Big Brother and I wondered how America was so dumb.

Rachel was the overall winner, and while I don’t think recycling contestants is cool, she deserved to win.  She played the best game and there was nobody else in the house that should have won.  I’m not sure who would have won had the veterans not returned this season.

I really wish that these competition shows would not keep bringing back old players.  Who cares?  The show is the exactly the same every season and new players are the only way to shake it up a bit.  Are there not are enough fame whores in America that we don’t need to double dip?

Rachel may be the most annoying player to ever play this game.  Even the freaky Jewish guy from last year was less annoying than Rachel.  Her constant crying and whining made me thank God for my remote control.  That said, she was a brilliant player so good for her.

What I don’t get is how Jeff won $25K for being the fan favorite.  What was America thinking when they cast that vote?  Other than dreamy blue eyes and a nice ass, he added nothing to this season.  He is as boring as Rachel is annoying, and I don’t get how he won.

I voted for Adam because he was entertaining all summer.  By entertaining of course I mean he is the only one that didn’t make me want to drink.  I had fun watching Big Brother and I hope Jeff uses the money to buy a personality. No do-overs next summer Big Brother.  Keep it real!

 

9 Comments — Leave your comment

September 13, 2011 | 6:43 pm

The Bachelor Pad Ends with Michael as Both a Mensch and a Schmuck

Posted by Ilana Angel

I am sad to see this show end.  It is mindless fun that highlights everything that is wrong with reality television.  This is the best part of the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise and I look forward to it coming back next summer.  That is the most pathetic thing I have ever said.  I am looking forward to the return of a crapfest train wreck a year away?  Dear Lord.

The final 4 couples are going to Vegas for the final challenge.  They must do a Cirque du Soleil act on a suspended wall, hanging by wires. Watching fame whores butcher the work of these world class performers is fun.  The thought of them up there is almost good enough to make me forgive ABC for dragging this out for 3 hours.

Kasey and Vienna are fighting.  She continues to think he is a moron, and we continue to think she is a bitch.  Michael continues to be in love with Holly, and Holly continues to wish Michael was Blake.  Michelle continues to be oddly likeable, and Graham continues to have nothing of interest to say.  Kirk and Ella continue to be invisible.

Holly and Michael are talking and she is stringing him along which is just sad. Michael is a total and complete loser and I love him.  Listening to the commentary from everyone is boring and I’m feeling the need to fast forward, and considering it’s 3 hours long, I’m okay with some skipping. Sadly I started watching again in time to see who the judges are.

The judges are:  Trista.  She is the golden child of this train wreck and I like her a lot.  Jason Mesnick is back and I could care less.  Then Alli comes back and I want to vomit.  I think she is disgusting and that she continues to be on television is gross.  Chris Harrison says the judges alone decide who moves on to the finale.  By judges of course he means the producers.

Michelle and Graham are fine.  Ella and Kirk suck. Kasey and Vienna are good. Michael and Holly are fantastic.  Jason asks them if they are a couple and it’s super lame.  They don’t talk to anyone else, but we are supposed to believe this is a real, unplanned question?  Whatever.  Michael and Holly win and are in the finals.  Ella and Kirk are sent home.

I’m skipping over Ella’s crying in the limo ride home.  Blah, blah, blah.  I’m a single mother.  Blah, blah, blah.  Got it.  Now Michael and Holly get to pick who they take with them to the finals.  Kasey is talking too much and pissing off Vienna, which ends in them fighting.  Again, Michelle and Graham are lovely, and in the end, Kasey and Vienna are going home.  Finally!

It’s now time for the end of the show, which is live, but really taped a few weeks ago.  So lame.  Chris Harrison is there, which almost makes this show too boring to watch, but here we go.  Ames and Jackie and there and they are no longer together.  I love Ames, and never liked Jackie.  In watching her on the reunion and I realize that opinion of her is still true.

Ames is being charming, saying they were simply too different. She is a crazy person, blaming him for her weeklong depression in bed.  It’s a classic case of he’s just not that into you Jackie.  Ames is a charismatic and wonderful man, and Jackie has nothing to offer a man like him.  All Jackie did was blow the chance for Ames to be the Bachelor.  Bitch.

Jake is spewing crap about getting closure with Vienna, and Vienna has a dry mouth that is making her sound like Kasey, and her lazy eye is spinning.  She thinks she was lovely to Jake, and we are all wondering if she is high because she was horrible.  Erica is making perfect sense and looks prettier than she ever has.  Is Harrison wearing a hairpiece?

Jake is talking one on one to Harrison and I’m skipping it.  I get back to watching just as Kasey tells Jake he’s sorry for treating him badly, and they hug.  Vienna is looking at Kasey like she wants to kill him, and for the first time all season, or ever for that matter, I like Kasey.  It’s Kasey’s turn to talk to Harrison and I find myself feeling bad for him.

Vienna ruins lives, is the moral of the story for Kasey.  Let’s hope he learned a lesson and has moved on from this hot mess.  I used to like her but she is a little too manipulative for me.  That said, she was not the most disgusting person on the show. That title goes to Blake and Holly, who have tied.  They are rotten, and Melissa is just plane crazy.  Poor thing needs meds.

Blake tells us that he loves Holly, then they show a tape of him asking her to marry him.  Oy vey.  I was almost sucked into the romance of it all until Blake said he loved Holly’s intelligence, then I snapped out of it and got back on the train ride through hell.  Michael and Holly, Graham and Michelle are brought out and then it gets really awkward.

Holly, the skanky whore, tells Michael, who has been pining over her for months, is told on “live” television, that she is going to marry Blake.  It’s very sad and I think shameful to do this to a poor man like this.  It’s horrible and I feel terrible for Michael.  She has been breaking his heart for weeks and now she just crushes it.  I seriously don’t like this chick.

Michael regains his composure and could not be more lovely.  Meanwhile, over with Michelle and Graham, they look great together.  Her father has passed away and while they don’t profess to be in love, the love is evident and I predict they will get married.  Who would have thought that Michelle Money would end the season as one of my favorites?  Go figure.

The kicked out contestants get to vote for who they think should be the winners.  They get to ask some questions and they are all dumb.  Seriously, this show could have been done in two hours.  By two hours of course I mean 45 minutes.  And the winners are: Michael and Holly.  I’m glad he won, but wished she didn’t.  Then it gets exciting.

There is $250K and they can choose to share it or keep it.  If they both share, they get $125K each.  If one picks share and one keep, then the keeper gets the entire $250K.  if both pick keep, then the money is split by all the people kicked off.  Holly picks share, which we knew she would. Michael can take it all by choosing to keep it, and I am really hoping he does.

In the end Michael is both a mensch and a schmuck.  He opts to share and I would have totally screwed her over.  I think a broken heart is worth $250K. I’m not sure it was worth sitting through 3 hours to get 2 minutes of excitement, but whatever.  I will watch this show again and hope that they don’t invite any of this lot back.  It needs to stay fresh.

We end the marathon train wreck with a conversation with Ben, the new bachelor.  I like him.  He is sweet, and I think will make good choices, but he is also painfully boring so I hope he works on that a bit.  Maybe if he drinks a little more of his wine he will lighten up and give us some good television.  If not, don’t worry, the new fame whore skanks will keep it real.

8 Comments — Leave your comment

September 12, 2011 | 8:34 am

Real Housewives of NJ: If Gia gets a record deal my head will explode!

Posted by Ilana Angel

This show is just too much.  I love it and think it’s insanely entertaining, but this week it got gross.  I mean it’s always been gross, but it took a turn that I don’t think it can recover from.  I get that these fame whores want to have their 15 minutes, but to suck the kids into it is simply not cool.  The kids of New Jersey have always been a focus, but to parade around the torment of Gia, as they did this week, is shameful.

We start with Teresa going to see Jacqueline and Caroline.  Teresa is recounting her visit with Joe and Melissa at the book signing and she is once again defending her husband.  Juicy is in a text war with Joe and Teresa laughs it off and fails to mention Juicy threatened to kill Joe. Honestly I do not see what she sees in this abusive and alcoholic husband. That said, she is just a bad as he is, if not worse.

Caroline tells Teresa to call Melissa and try to mend things and instead of trying to be calm and get things back on track with her family, she is accusatory and with Melissa.  Caroline and Jacqueline listen to the conversation because of course it’s on camera, and they see, as we all do, that Teresa is the cause of all the problems.  She is simply too stupid to understand how stupid she is.  This chick is insane.

Everyone is going to “run” in a 5k race for charity.  Kathy is into it and aware of the charity, while Jacqueline proves once again that she is not the sharpest tool in the shed.  Teresa has diarrhea and thinks we all need to know it.  Juicy is slicing sausage and packing up the wine, at 6 in the morning. The Manzo family is all in and once again we see that this show is less about the housewives, and more about the families.

The Manzo’s are making serious fun of Teresa and while very mean, it is hysterical and the best part of the whole show.  They are talking about all the books Teresa might be writing and it’s truly very funny.  Over with Teresa, she is warning Juicy to be nice and Juicy is telling her it’s not him, its Joe, and as long as he does not piss him off, it will be okay.  Juicy Joe is an ape and he should not be given any camera time.

Everyone arrives and of course there is tension between Juicy and Joe. Everyone on the show clearly favors Joe to Juicy, which is entertaining.  Joe is staying away from Juicy and trying to be cool, while Juicy is just waiting to cause a problem.  Sidebar:  Albie Manzo might be the most boring man in America.  Everyone is running and it’s pathetic.  They all cheat and only Kathy, Richie, Juicy and Teresa actually run the 5k.

The editors on this show are getting sloppy and the cutting of Teresa is dumb.  Is it just me or does Teresa have the oddest looking running form ever?  It looks like her feet are not touching the ground.  It’s like a penguin running across the ice.  Juicy finishes last and while everyone is waiting for him, it’s one big fun group, then Juicy gets there and the tension is back on. Pull Juicy and Teresa off, and this is a fun group.

The Manzo boys are going out for drinks and dancing with Joe and Melissa, but first they are going to play Melissa’s song for them.  Not only should the editors of this show get canned, but so should the writers.  The step and repeat in the apartment is awesome, the gay roommate Greg is fabulous, and Christopher Manzo has become the cuter brother.  Albie’s lack of personality is painful and he needs to be put out of his misery.

Melissa plays her song and the boys could not be less impressed.  They ask her to sing at the lame party they are planning, for their lame job, and it makes no sense because they hated the song.  Even Greg, her groupie, was underwhelmed.  We leave the Manzo boys and go to see Lauren and Vitto and I want to cut my own face off.  They want us to think making cheese is sexy and all it makes me is a little nauseous.  30 minutes in and I’m pouring wine.

Lauren is complaining about how fat she is and it’s sad.  She says she will always be fat and I’m done.  I’m not sure if cheese making pity parties will take off, but perhaps it will be big in New Jersey.  Poor Lauren.  Meanwhile, the boys are getting plastered with Joe and Melissa.  We find out that Joe calls his manliness “Tarzan”, which I think is perfect.  He’s a little person and so Tarzan is quite funny.  I love Melissa and Joe.

Teresa is throwing a 5th birthday party for Melania.  Gia got a limo and private over the top party, and Melania is getting a pizza at her dad’s pizza parlor.  Oh how the mighty have fallen.  Melania is throwing a temper tantrum and it is perfect.  This is a spoiled and funny little girl.  Her mom calls her a crybaby and finally lets her wear what she wants, rather than force her to wear what she wants.  I feel bad for Teresa.

Teresa is very aware of the cameras and there is nothing authentic about her.  You just know if the camera was not here she would be screaming at that kid to get dressed and fast.  You can’t watch this show and not wonder how it is that this woman stays in the life she has.  Her husband is abusive, she children are in emotional distress, and she is doing book signings with 30 people there.  When will she walk away and help her family?

Teresa arrives at the party, late, with the birthday girl.  The editing is once again totally off.  The kids are all eating pizza, then they say Teresa does not want to serve pizza until Joe arrives.  In the first scene the kids are all eating, then they are screaming for pizza.  This show sucks. They have people shoved into this pizza parlor and I want to know why the fire marshal is not there shutting it all down.  Melissa and Joe arrive.

Juicy does not acknowledge Joe, and Teresa is once again making excuses for her ape.  The kids are all making pizza and it’s a sweet party that is having all the joy sucked out of it by the grown ups.  Then it happens.  What I have been praying would never happen.  Gia starts singing.  Let me just say that if this adorable little girl gets a record deal, I am going to explode.  My head will actually explode right off of my body.

She calls her uncles “dear Joe” and it is simply crushing to watch this little girl try to sing a song to her uncle.  She loves him so much and the fighting is killing her, and Teresa is just laughing it off and trying to not be embarrassed.  This little girl wanted to do something nice for her uncle and that Bravo showed it to us is disgusting.  Why not protect this little girl and her broken heart, instead of exploiting it on television?

Just as Bravo contributed to the suicide of Russell Armstrong, they are responsible for the pain of this small child.  I don’t understand how Teresa does not walk away from this show.  Her need for fame is stronger than her need to protect her children, and it is all very sad.  Teresa tries to blow smoke up Gia’s ass by telling her everything is okay, but the little girl is smarter than her mother and not buying it at all.

Teresa is an idiot but I still feed badly for her.  I think at one time she had a good life and her life now is exhausting.  She pulls Juicy and Joe together to take a picture and it’s very sad.  She is desperate for her family to be together, her husband stands in her way, and she knows it.  It’s complicated and sad but could at least be on the way to repair if she quit the show, but her ego and competition with Melissa won’t let her do it.

Next week is the episode where Bravo sends them all to the Dominic Republic and watches them implode.  I would love to be able to say I am not going to watch it, but I will.  Just as an addict cannot stop doing drugs when they know it’s bad, I can’t stop watching.  I used to be embarrassed that I watched these show, but now it’s just sad.  These people need to be pulled off of television and I need to stop watching and keep it real.

9 Comments — Leave your comment

September 6, 2011 | 8:59 am

My Love Affair with Bachelor Pad Continues

Posted by Ilana Angel

The end is getting near and the only good thing about saying goodbye to Bachelor Pad will be saying hello to Dancing With the Stars.  I seriously love this show and it has been the best reality television of the summer.  I have been enjoying Big Brother but even Vienna, who is as annoying as hell, is more entertaining than whining Rachel over in the Big Brother House.

This week everyone picks a partner because they will be voted off in pairs. Not random pairs as it has been up to now, but you will get the boot with your partner.  All the established couples are together so that leaves poor Erica with Blake, who nobody can stand, so they will be out. The competition is based on The Newlywed Game and it’s going to be hilarious.

They are all scrambling to get to know each other, except for Vienna and Casey who are convinced they will win because they are so in love.  I don’t get how these two are still on the show.  Are the others just so dumb they don’t get it?  Or is this just a classic case of scripted unscripted reality television?  I actually believe they are all just dumb.

It’s time for “The Nearlywed Game” with your host, Chris Harrison.  Finally Chris is useful.  Not at all entertaining, but at least he has something to do. The first place couple will win a date outside of the house, as well as roses to keep them safe through the elimination.  Listening to Michelle tell us how the games works is annoying.  Her voice grates on my nerves.

The questions are funny, but the answers are hysterical. Erica lets us know she is kind of a slut and will have sex after 3 dates, while Vienna wants us to believe that she needs 22 dates before she gets naked.  Really?  Does she not realize we’ve seen how she operates?  If Vienna can prove she ever went 22 dates without sex, then I will give her a million dollars.

Casey and Vienna are getting nothing right and it’s too funny.  The one couple you would think is going to nail it, tanks.  Casey says if he could be any animal, he’d be a rabbit.  What the hell?  Is it a sexual reference to the greatest invention of modern time?  He is very creepy.  He also says the thing Vienna’s exes miss about her the most, are her teeth.

Let’s just take a moment to ponder this one.  Of all the things this man thinks are great about his girlfriend, the one single thing that everyone who has been with her misses the most are her teeth?  If we were thinking earlier that this show is scripted, perhaps we were wrong.  These simply may be the dumbest people in America.  As for Vienna, she thought it was her boobs.

The game takes a turn when Chris starts asking about who everyone would want to make out with, and it gets dark turn when Blake and Holly answer that they both want to bang each other.  By dark of course I mean they change the music for dramatic effect.  It’s awesome how they use music on this show.  By awesome of course I mean lame. Blake knows he’s out.

Vienna and Casey are losing in an epic way.  Graham and Michelle have devised a plan to answer a certain way for each type of question, and while their answers don’t always make sense, it’s working.  Graham says he lost his virginity at 7.  Everyone is disgusted and then realizes it’s their strategy when Michelle guesses he lost his virginity at 7.

They are all so pleased with themselves that they cracked Graham and Michelle’s code.  Really?  It took them the entire game but they all think they are brilliant.  These are very attractive and very stupid people.  It’s on to the final question and while Erica and Blake almost save themselves, Graham and Michelle win and get the date outside of the house.

Holly is flirting with Blake, which is making Mike crazy.  Poor Mike. He’s is a loser, bless his heart.  He is pissed off at Blake, but not at all annoyed with Holly.  As Erica points out to him, Blake is a douchelord, but Holly was his girlfriend and he should be mad at her, not him.  Fascinating that Erica is the smartest person in the house.  How scary is that little fact?

Michelle and Graham are heading out on helicopter for their date.  Michelle is a little but crazy but I like her this season, and I like her with Graham.  I dig them together for some season and am glad they are getting the date. Michelle is smoking hot and while she seems quite smitten, and he is falling for he, I think there is still some crazy in her waiting to come out.

Listening to Blake and Michelle describe their date has a very Bachelor/Bachelorette vibe and the producers are trying to get us to think they will be the love affair of the show.  I’m not sure I’m buying it just yet, but bless them for trying to manipulate us into thinking love can be found in the hell hole known as Bachelor Pad.  I freaking love this show.

Back at the house, Vienna and Casey and breaking down and while I know it’s wrong to say, I love watching it happen.  Casey is the creepiest guy they’ve ever had on this franchise and while Vienna is a fame whore to be sure, she is harmless. Casey on the other hand, is scary.  We find out Vienna passed on sex and so Casey took back his lame promise ring.  No sex, no ring!

They are having a huge fight about sex and his speech impediment makes it impossible to take what he is saying seriously.  Casey wants to get laid, which makes sense since they are a couple, but she does not want to have sex in the house.  Are we supposed to think they have not had sex since they’ve been in the house? Vienna explains “no means no”, and I can’t stop laughing.

She is so dramatic.  That she would so publicly air the sexual confusion in their relationship, when she already knows we think she is a whack job, proves that she is simply not well.  That she continues to find herself on television is interesting, and that she thinks that on any level she keeps getting invited back because America likes her, is delusional.

I’m skipping over Michelle and Graham’s date because it’s boring.  She is beautiful, he is adorable, and I wish them well.  Blah, blah, bah.  As the second place winners, Blake and Erica get a date too.  They are headed out for a romantic date, which is hilarious because there could not be any less romance between these two.  Holly is jealous and Mike wants to kill himself.

Erica is the voice of reason on this show, and Holly is the house whore.  Erica is going to seduce Blake, which makes me a little nauseous.  She is talking to him in the kitchen and Holly walks around in her bikini.  Holly is a snake and I don’t like her.  She is convinced she knows Blake in a way the others don’t. Turns out Holly is both a whore and a complete moron.

Erica thinks Blake is warming up to her and she wants to have sex with him, but in her seduction tells him she talks to dead people.  Way to close the deal Erica!  She is throwing herself at Blake and while pathetic, I cannot get enough.  The twist on their date is that they get two roses, and they get to save another couple in the house, just not themselves.  Excellent twist!

Blake and Erica think if they pick the right couple they can be saved.  Not going to happen, but cute that they think so.  Back at the house, Michael and Holly are once again boring the crap out of me.  He is professing his love for her while she tells him what he wants to hear, all the while thinking about Blake naked.  These two need to wrap it up and move on.  Enough already.

Erica is on Blake like white on rice.  Her seduction is in full force and my skin is crawling off of my body.  She is telling him she is DTF and he wants nothing to do with her.  He is so diplomatic and working so hard to not hurt her feelings, but even he is not sleazy enough to bang Erica.  He says it’s all strategy, but it’s really about him simply not wanting to see Erica naked.

Blake wants to go back to the house, but Erica is not giving up.  She tells him they need to have sex, and bond as partners.  Erica sluts it up full force and I think it’s fabulous.  Holly whore is crying about Michael and how he broke her heart.  Did I miss something?  Didn’t she break off their engagement?  I think she is remembering the end of their relationship backwards.

Erica is bordering on begging Blake to sleep with her.  She is flat out saying that she needs to get laid, he’s the one, and they are going to do it.  I love how ballsy she is, but he is not having it.  He is worried if he spends the night with her they will think he is a pig.  Seriously?  Everyone thought you were a pig before you went out with Erica.  Blake is a loser on a Bentley scale.

In the morning Erica and Blake need to decide who gets the safety roses they were given.  If they give the roses to Vienna and Casey then they deserve to go home for being so stupid.  They talk to Kirk and Ella, and Vienna and Casey to see if they should give them the roses.  Ella and Kirk are certain that they should get the roses and they will save Blake and Erica.

Vienna and Casey tell them that if they are saved, they will save them and they will go to the finals with them.  Casey is making all kinds of promises that he cannot keep.  Casey is insane.  Seriously.  The fact that he is with Vienna is the first clue, but every single time he speaks there is more proof. Blake and Erica give the roses to Casey and Vienna, which I will never get.

Ella is crying because she thinks she is going home.  She is desperate for the money and sad she may be out.  Casey has a God complex and it’s disturbing.  Ella is whining which is unfortunate.  I like her but the whining and single mom crap is getting old.  You need the money.  We get it.  Stop crying about it and start working on getting the votes to stay.

Harrison is back explain to us how it all works, which we know.  I don’t know why he bothers me so much, but he does.  Everyone is scrambling making sure that they are safe and Blake is certain Casey and Vienna will save them. Meanwhile, Vienna wants Ella out because she thinks she will get sympathy votes and does not want to go up against Ella.  Could Blake be safe?

Come on people, there is no way Ella is going home.  Michael is going to get Blake out of that house if it kills him.  Speaking of which, Blake and Holly are making out on the couch and Michael walks by and sees it.  Someone needs to put Mike out of his misery.  By his misery of course I mean ours.  Watching him pine over Whore Holly is getting old and I’m so over it.

Michael tells Holly she can make the decision on their behalf and it’s up to her who goes home.  She is the tie breaking vote so she can save Blake or not. Does she keep a guy who is playing the game and could care less about her, or break the heart of the man who broke hers after she broke his?  The dramatic pauses on this episode are painful.  I need this week to be done.

Blake and Erica are sent home, as we knew they would be when the show started.  I want Ella and Kirk to win the money, and Michelle and Graham to win love.  I could care less what happens to Holly and Michael, and I could care even less than that about Casey and Vienna.  Holly is lame and gives Blake a note to read in the car on the way out of Bachelor Pad.

Holly tells him she misses him and it’s stupid.  Next week is the finale and I cannot wait.  We will be reunited with all the people from the house and I can’t wait to see Ames.  I seriously hope Ella and Kirk win, and that Casey and Vienna don’t make it to the final two.  This show makes me want to impale myself and I will really miss it, so until next week, keep it real.

2 Comments — Leave your comment

September 6, 2011 | 12:59 am

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills are Back and Completely Disgusting

Posted by Ilana Angel

I watched the premier tonight thinking that perhaps they would be classy and handle the suicide of Russell Armstrong with respect and dignity. Instead it was a disgusting display from a bunch of fame whores.  I watched the entire show, but I am not going to do my regular recap, and I am not going to write about this show again.

I think this show is a perfect example of what can go wrong when you do a reality television show.  This man took his own life, and his estranged wife is talking about how they are working on their marriage?  Then the bevy of botoxed women, who could have cared less about this man when he was alive, are fake crying at his loss of life?

I think it is disgusting that Bravo opted to show this series so close to Mr. Armstrong’s passing and they should be ashamed of themselves that they put money ahead of his three young children.  I understand that it is a business, but this just does not feel right, and I believe the worst of it is still to come in Beverly Hills.

In seeing the trailer of what is coming up this season, the passing of Russell Armstrong is just the beginning of the self-destruction.  The fighting and tension is not train wreck fun, it is cringe worthy, and I will watch with one eye closed.  These women are going to implode and knowing that we will all be watching it happen is sad.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills should be cancelled because there is more pain and suffering coming.  Bravo needs to do the right thing and walk away.  These women need to do the right thing for their kids and walk away. No amount of money can be worth it.  Will the death of Russell be in vain, or will someone start keeping it real?

3 Comments — Leave your comment

September 3, 2011 | 10:57 am

Why Chaz Bono Just Might Win Dancing With The Stars

Posted by Ilana Angel

I love watching Dancing With The Stars.  It is entertaining, mindless fun, plus Tom Bergeron is brilliant.  I could do without the judges most of the time, but with the help of my remote, I look forward to this show each year and the excitement begins with the announcement of the cast.

The cast this season has some people I think will be fun to watch, and some that I hope suffer a broken foot before the show gets started.  The single most newsworthy participant at this early stage of the press onslaught is Chaz Bono, son of the legendary Sonny and Cher.

Yes, you read that correctly, I read son.  Chaz Bono is a transgender American.  He is a man who was born in a woman’s body, and has gone through a long, painful and difficult medical transition to give him the body that he should have always had.  It’s really not a big deal.

I am embarrassed by the backlash this casting choice has caused.  There are Christian based groups calling for all Christians to boycott the show until Chaz is pulled off.  They are upset that now their kids cannot watch the show because Chaz has made it not family friendly TV.

These same groups are saying that Carson Kressley, another contestant, who is openly gay, should be replaced.  I’ve got news for the people who are calling for the boycott, look around your church and I can guarantee you that you are looking at all kinds of gay.

Chaz Bono is brave and while I don’t know him, I like him.  He has a voice that needs to be heard and by his dancing, whether he speaks a word or not, allows his voice to be heard loud and clear.  The only thing these crazy Christian groups have done is guarantee he gets my vote.

I will vote for Chaz Bono for his bravery.  Even if he sucks in the beginning, I am going to continue to vote for him until he gets his dancing legs and gets better.  I want him to dance his ass off, get healthy, and become a smoking hot guy by the end of the season.  Praise Jesus.

The only thing these crazy people have done is increase the chances of Chaz getting to the finals.  I was going to vote for him regardless, but now I’m going to vote a few more times, just to piss off these losers.  They are an embarrassment to not only me, but to God.

Whatever faith you follow, no matter what you call your God, and no matter what level of observance you are, God does not like hate, intolerance, or crazy people saying that they know what he wants, what he likes, and what he thinks will stop people from seeing him in heaven.

I wish Chaz Bono much success on the show, and hope it is a joyous experience for him.  Instead of boycotting DWTS, I am boycotting crazy Christian groups who think they know what God wants.  God loves everyone. Know that.  God is good, and I’m just keeping it real.

** I will be guest hosting the Keeping It Real Radio Show on Monday, September 5th,  at 4:00 PST and 7:00 EST, so listen on the radio or online, and call in if you’d like to chat.  It will be a fun hour of talking about anything, and everything. 

13 Comments — Leave your comment

August 30, 2011 | 1:32 am

Bachelor Pad:  Melissa Needs a Bunny & a Stove, Not a Rose

Posted by Ilana Angel

It’s Monday night and that means it’s Bachelor Pad night.  Let the blogging begin!  We start off with Jake getting the boot, which we knew was coming, but still, you have to wonder how dumb these people are that they do not vote off Casey and Vienna.  The power couples always need to go first.

To clarify, we don’t really need to wonder about how dumb they are because we know.  They are dumber than rocks, which is mean if you’re a rock.  Jake makes a lame speech about how they made a mistake, and need to vote out the couples.  It’s was stupid, but Jake is stupid so it made sense.

He then apologizes to Vienna, but does not clarify what he is sorry for.  Is he sorry for asking her to marry him when he is gay?  Jake is sweet, but a liar. In his limo ride home he says making peace with Vienna was the reason he came on the show.  Of course it was you reality television fame whore.

Time for the kissing contest challenge, and I am ready with a bucket next to the couch for my puke, and I’m opening a bottle of wine, which I will drink with a straw so I keep typing, which is just sad.  Michelle refuses to participate so she can set a good example for her daughter.  Really?  Too late Sweetie.

Everyone is kissing everyone else and it’s nauseating.  I’m kinda skipping over it because it’s just too painful, but here are a couple of things worth mentioning:  Blake is a disgusting pig, Holly is a whore, Erica is hilarious, Melissa is gross, and Ella is beautiful and my pick to win.

The contest made me sad for Michael.  It’s hilarious everyone was surprised Casey had bad breath.  Seriously? He kisses skank all day so what were they expecting?  Ella wins for the girls and Blake for the guys.  Each of them gets a rose and a romantic date.

Ella goes first and picks Kirk for her date.  I actually love these two together and I want them to win.  They head out and we are left listening to Melissa.  This chick is a freaking loon and I expect her to start cooking a rabbit on the stove at any moment.  She is mentally unstable.

She is talking to Blake about how great their date is going to be, but he has no plans to pick her.  He is scared of her and it’s brilliant.  There is no way this chick passed a psychological exam to be on this show.  Bentley looks like a saint compared to Blake, who is a douchelord.

I am watching Ella and Kirk on their date and I want them to not only win, but get married, have a baby and live happily ever after.  They just match and I want them to be in love.  They won’t of course, but I will hope for it until the very end.  Stranger things have happened so there is hope.

Back at the house Erica is hitting on Blake and I am once again puking, which is a waste of really good wine.  Important to note it’s not Erica that makes me sick, it’s Blake. Erica is entertaining and harmless, but Blake is a pig and I want all his teeth to fall out while he is talking.

Blake gets his date card and he chooses to dump Melissa, ignore Erica, and takes Holly.  Holly says yes because she is a stupid whore, and while it’s sad to see Mike’s reaction, I am laughing my ass off, as Melissa demands an explanation, then runs out of the room in search of a bunny.

Michelle wants to be supportive but Melissa is dumb and can’t hear the support through her own sobbing.  How is it that Michelle is the calm voice here?  She is a loon and we all know she is going to snap at some point.  Blake comes to talk to Melissa and she is convinced she can get him out.

Melissa talks smack about Blake to everyone and she is mixing yogurt as she speaks and even the way she stirs the yogurt is crazy.  She’s a little scary.  She keeps looking directly into the camera which is creepy and fabulous.  She is running around looking for Blake.  Dear Lord.

Melissa is passive aggressive and if she spoke to everyone like she speaks to the camera she might of had a shot.  LOL.  As if.  She never had a shot.  She finds Blake who says he needs to brush his teeth for another 40 seconds and she stands there like a complete loser waiting. 

Blake and Hollywhore fly to Mammoth.  She is talking about how she has never had such a great date, ever.  Does she not realize when she talks to the camera Mike will see it?  She is mean and dumb.  Mike is a mess, especially when he sees they are spending the night away.

Hollywhore and Blake get back and Mike professes his love for her.  He is spilling his heart to her and she lies and says she thought about him a lot when she was away.  Skank.  She tells him she kissed Blake and he is pissed. These people are children and I’m over Holly’s crying.

It’s about to be the rose ceremony and everyone is deciding who to vote off.  Rather than vote of Vienna and Casey, which is what smart people would do, they are torn between Erica, Melissa, William and Casey.  Melissa cannot handle the pressure and has a nervous breakdown.

Casey says he needs the win or his grandmother will die.  What the hell is that?  William is going because everyone is too dumb to vote off Casey. Melissa is running around like the crazy person she is, demanding that people tell her if they are voting for her.  She needs to be medicated.

Speaking of medicated, is it just me or does she look like she is a crystal meth addict?  I watch Intervention and she’s got the look.  Mike and Holly have a little date, but she is selfish and needs to dump him for good and stop playing games with his heart.  She’s not nice.

Watching Melissa lose her mind is oddly entertaining. Sad to be sure, but still, really entertaining.  William gets kicked off, which we knew already, then Melissa.  Poor crystal meth Melissa has been dumped.  Again.  She is so distraught she can’t even give a good bye speech in the limo.

She is in the car having an ugly cry, and Michelle speaks on her behalf.  In the car, Melissa turns her back to the camera and goes into the fetal position.  This show is brutal and I feel for Melissa, but if you are going to go on this show, you must be ready, willing, and able to keep it real.

0 Comments — Leave your comment