Posted by Ilana Angel
I met Jennifer Gimenez for lunch this week so I could interview her in anticipation of the premier of Rehab With Dr. Drew, on which she is featured. I spent about 3 hours with Jennifer and I never took one note, recorded one sentence, or asked one interview question. I went to speak with a reality TV personality but in the end I hung out with an actress. It is time for people to see Jennifer Gimenez. Really, really see her.
I have been a fan of Jennifer for a long time. I remember seeing her in magazines as a supermodel years ago. I thought she was beautiful and in some pictures I think she looks like my mother when she was young. While I look just like my dad, a pale Englishman, my mother was born in Egypt and raised in Israel by a Turkish mother and a Spanish father. Both my mother and Jennifer are exotic, olive skinned beauties.
Jennifer is willing to talk about anything and everything, with no hesitation. She has been to hell and back and you can see it in her eyes. She is happy and joyous, with a real sense of gratitude for where she has been, but is also shy and somewhat hesitant to share where she wants to go. Jennifer, like all of us, needs to remember she is an actress, not just a sober reality star. Her addiction should not define her.
Additionally, her sobriety should not define her to us. Many people may not know that long before they saw Jennifer on reality TV, she was a movie star. This is a talented actress who was on a fast track to fame when she got temporarily derailed. I am huge fan of reality TV, am blessed to make a living talking about it, and I will watch Rehab with Dr. Drew because it’s compelling. I will also revisit Jennifer’s other work.
You can see Jen in Blow with Johnny Depp, Vanilla Sky with Tom Cruise, and Charlie’s Angels Full Throttle with Cameron Diaz. This is a woman who has paid her dues and is ready to pick up where she left off. You cannot talk to Jennifer and not love her. She is authentic, sweet, kind, and very funny. She is a master storyteller, no detail is left out, and humor is found in everything, even stories of her darkest times.
She is ready for fame, success, love, and ultimately peace. She is proud of all she has accomplished and knows how important her sobriety is to not only her and her family, but to the countless people who feel like they know her and have a real affection for her. I think she is torn between not wanting to let down those who look to her for strength, and her own desire to recapture who she was, while hanging onto who she has become.
We spoke a lot about VH1's Rehab and it is not for the faint of heart. It was an exhausting shoot for her physically, mentally, and emotionally. I honestly don't know how she did it. She has changed her life in a profound way, yet allows herself to be on the front line of other people's struggles. I want for Jennifer to give to herself, not just everyone else. She is an inspiration to many and must be an inspiration to herself also.
Jennifer Gimenez is a star. She is powerful but gentle, funny but serious, hopeful but nervous, ready but scared. As fans, we must embrace not only who she has become, but also remember who she was all those year ago when she was a movie star. I love reality TV but I'd rather see her opposite Johnny Depp on the big screen. Life is about second chances and it's time for Jennifer to start her second chance as an actress.
I had a wonderful time with Jennifer and feel a little guilty I never got around to the interview because I know her fans were looking forward to an update. I will just have to force myself to see her again I guess. Ms. Gimenez is doing fine. She is alive, aware, and fabulous. Beautiful on the outside, but when you see her from the inside out, you see a woman who reminds us the best life is one that keeps it real.
12.12.13 at 9:43 pm | I might be too intimidated to blog this show. . .
12.10.13 at 8:55 am | Carlton can stay, Joyce should go.
12.8.13 at 9:55 pm | Momma Joyce is all kinds of crazy.
12.7.13 at 8:49 am | What the hell is Bravo giving us?
12.7.13 at 7:29 am | I'm not going to lie, these women and the men. . .
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire.
10.13.13 at 6:35 pm | One minute in and I am already overwhelmed by the. . . (1643)
10.10.13 at 12:58 pm | One is trashy, one is classy. (1636)
10.25.13 at 4:32 pm | At what point does a person's well being trump. . . (1616)
September 11, 2012 | 8:44 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
For reasons I do not understand, we are still trapped on the island with the ladies. I use the word ladies but let’s be clear, we are dealing with a couple of ladies and a bunch of skanks. I was going to call them white trash but that seems unkind to white trash. These chicks are behaving badly, acting like children, and pushing me to my limit. This show is not good television.
The women on this show are like a group of kids on spring break. There are the slutty ones, drunk ones, prude ones, and the plain old crazy ones. They are mean spirited, selfish, hurtful, and immature. It is amazing that they continue to make this show when all they do is humiliate their children, embarrass themselves, and alienate all those who watch them.
This prolonged visit to hell begins with Aviva telling Russ, Carole and Reid that the vibe between the four of them is perfect. Really? Aviva is selfish and only worries about herself and her husband. She preaches about not wanting to be known for her neurosis, but it’s all she talks about. In the end she is annoying and I am over her. She is unleashing her inner mean girl.
Sonja is having a hangover breakfast and is beyond hilarious. She is going on about being called white trash and I am dying it is so funny. Ramona Googles “white trash” on her iPad. Seriously? If you are using an iPad to determine if you are white trash, you are not white trash. Ramona and Sonja are in their own little world and it’s the best part of the island.
Carole goes to get Ramona and Sonja and it’s a drag because Carole is becoming less appealing, and for a moment I was on the side of the drunky sisters. Honestly, thinking Ramona and Sonja make sense causes me to wonder if I am having a stroke. Ramona and Sonja are right and Carole screwed up the weekend by changing what the weekend was meant to be.
Aviva walks into the room, uninvited, and the ridiculousness continues. Aviva is a crazy person. By crazy person of course I mean money can’t buy you class. She is mean, hurtful, and frankly, an idiot. Her argument is stupid. She is talking about wanting a banner welcoming her. I want to push her in the pool. She is making crap up in her head and it’s all rather delusional.
Carole has a holier than thou attitude. She stirs up trouble but acts like she is above the rest and somehow better by not getting caught up in the drama. She doesn’t get caught up in it because she causes it and walks away. She invited the girls for a holiday and then changed what it was. By invited of course I mean Bravo forced her to include the girls on her plans.
They go out for dinner and Carole is sulking about her husband and her visit twenty years earlier. Really? Why go to a place that means so much to you with a group of crazy people and some guy you bang on occasion? It makes no sense that she would taint her good memories by going with a circus. Carole is milking her history in a gross way, not a compelling way.
Aviva is getting deep and Sonja wants nothing to do with it. She knocks everyone by trying to lift herself up. Heather is over it. I never got Heather until this trip. She is the only sane one of the bunch. She is a grown up in a group of annoying teenage girls. Carole is crying about the plane crash. You know, the one she speaks in code about.
Aviva is talking about how she does not want to focus on her neurosis, yet it’s all she talks about. Carole does not want to talk about her history, yet she talks about it all the time. She wants to talk about it, she just doesn’t want anyone else to talk about it. Aviva goes to comfort Carole and Sonja assures the others she is not white trash. Then Heather loses it.
Sonja and Ramona tell Heather and LuAnn that the foursome with the men is going out on their own for dinner. Ramona has diarrhea, LuAnn is eating lobster because she can’t afford it at home, Sonja is drunk, and Heather is done. I’m with Heather on this one. She is pissed off there are dates happening and she is not included. This show sucks.
Heather is annoyed she left her life for a week to hang out with a bunch of selfish women. Carole goes to find Heather on the beach so she can pretend to be the lady. I started liking her and not getting Heather, but in the end Heather is the fabulous one and Carole is the pretentious one hanging onto the past and controlling how it is talked about.
Aviva is throwing it in Sonja’s face, again, that she has a double date. Sonja is over the judgment. Aviva is saying it’s disgusting that Sonja is sleeping with people and being slutty. Really? Aviva wanted Sonja to sleep with her dad yet she is now an offended lady? Aviva is a hypocrite and she is not interesting enough to be on this show. She is a bore and a bitch.
Sonja is now going off on her and I love it. Aviva is talking about Sonja not being a good example for her daughter and it’s so mean. Aviva is vicious and while she has the best body of any woman on any season, she is a nightmare. It’s an attack on Sonja, who is drunk, and it’s not pleasant. I’m with Sonja on this one. Aviva is a crazy person who needs meds.
It’s the night of the double date and Aviva is making fun of the “girls trip”. Reid chimes in by calling the other women old and fat, and it’s horrible. Aviva and Carole should look into some dental work, and stop being so mean. Luann, Sonja, Ramona and Heather are out for dinner and complimenting each other. This is not a good cast and they all need to go. Epic fail.
Sidebar: While I appreciate that so many people are reading and enjoying my blog, if you think I am an alcoholic who is throwing her life away by drinking too much, I ask you this: Really? Of course I have a cocktail when I’m watching, that’s half the fun. If you think I am actually drinking an entire bottle of wine, I suggest you look into getting a sense of humor.
Yes I am drinking, no I am not a drunk. Thank you for the AA pamphlets, the anonymous emails about AA group meeting in Los Angeles, and supporting me by suggesting I admit to my problem in order to get help. It’s all rather entertaining, but I’m fine. In fact, I am having a cocktail as I write this and I am fine. It’s just TV, and just a blog, so don’t worry about any of it.
Carole wants peace and likens herself to Gandhi. No. Aviva is ignoring Ramona and Sonja, as are they ignoring her. We find out Sonja bruises easily and Ramona is staying away from Aviva. Ramona says Aviva has a dark energy and I’m with Ramona. I’m actually on the side of the Drunky sisters, which is of grave concern to me. How is it possible I understand them?
They are going out for drinks before Carole’s “boyfriend” has a concert. Everyone is together and there is tension. Luann toasts to Aviva for getting there, and its lame. The editing is brutal. They leave for the concert in bright sun and arrive in the night. Ramona and Sonja blow off the concert and go home which pisses Carole off. Carole is not as cool as I thought.
They arrive home for dinner and Sonja and Ramona are not joining. There is a lot of yelling, covering up, sucking up, and I’m sure throwing up, so I’m not that interested. It’s all very weird. Sonja has changed clothes and for some reason is blow-drying her dress. She is hammered and Carole again wants to be the only one to talk about Carole. This show can’t end soon enough.
Aviva then loses her mind. She tells the camera Sonja is like Anna Nicole Smith. She married an old man, had money, lost everything, and is in a downward spiral. It may or may not be true, but who the hell is Aviva to say it to the camera? She really is a hurtful bitch. Luann is happy the attention is off of her and the fact that she banged the pirate.
They end their trip with laughs and fake friendship as they all go into the pool. They are naked, drunk, pretending to like each other, and completely humiliating themselves. They all drink to live it and we all drink to watch it. I’m out. I may watch, but I am no longer blogging this show. It’s just not interesting because nothing about this show is keeping it real.
September 10, 2012 | 6:33 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
This show is now so dark that it is impossible to blog about it and not be dark. In fact, it’s not only about blogging. Twitter is now nasty and dark on Sunday nights in a way that it has never been before. The fans are vicious with the housewives and flat out mean to each other. It’s fascinating.
These women polarize people and everyone has a side. I watch the show every week and I have fallen on the side of Teresa. I see the same show as everyone else and think she is getting screwed, while others think the Manzo family is getting a raw deal and that Teresa is evil.
We all watch together, but see it completely differently. I tweeted my opinion, like I always do, and crazy came out to play. Its just television and I feel bad for people who seem to think it is reality. They are very passionate about the lives of these women that they do not know.
I have interviewed many housewives and I can assure you, we don’t know them, and what we see is only pieces of a story. Say what you want about them all as they chose to be on a show and they are fair game, however, let’s be decent to one another because this is not about us.
You can comment freely about the show, the characters, the stories, and what we all perceive to be dark and mean spirited editing on behalf of Bravo. That is what unites us as fans. Attacking each other for having opinions though is just crazy. This show makes people crazy.
We all do it of course, myself included, but let’s draw a line in the sand. Lauren Manzo is an adult and she if she is going to tweet crap, I am going to call her out on it. That does not mean I am a bad Jew, a bad mother, or going to hell. All it means is that I have an opinion and a voice.
So, in the interest of moving forward and trying to offend as few people as possible, if you are a fan of the Manzo family, or perhaps not a fan of Jews, this is probab;y not the blog for you. By probably of course I mean you should not read it, block me on Twitter, and get into therapy.
We start this week with the first day of school. Melissa and Joe are making breakfast for Antonia who is starting first grade. She is a gorgeous girl and it’s sweet. What is not cute is how Mel and Joe talk crap about everyone in front of her. It is so odd to me that this they always do this.
Teresa is no better, she and Joe talk crap in front of their kids too. They are all young children and the parents should shut up with all the garbage in front of them. Kids are smart and it’s simply not fair they are subjected to all the negative energy between all the adults. Not cool.
Teresa’s girls are all getting ready and it’ s cute. I love Teresa’s kids and think they need their own show. Milania Guidice is television perfection. Melissa is so busy taking video and pictures that Antonia misses the bus to school and it’s the only real life thing we see all night.
Juicy and Tre are hashing out the trip to Napa, in front of 2 year old Audriana, and I’m over it. Juicy is being himself, Teresa is being herself, and it’s funny. They are slamming Caroline and Kathy, Juicy is being rude and in the end who cares? It’s editing and I could care less.
That Bravo insists on replaying Juicy being horrible to Tre is beyond cruel to me. Bad enough they chose to show it the first time, but they are showing it again. He’s a pig, she loves him, move on. We don’t know what goes on their home and it’s none of our business.
Kathy and Rich are a complete and total waste of my time. They are boring and not needed. Victoria wants to go away to college and Rich is excited, while Kathy is crying. It’s sweet and I know I will cry when my son leaves for college, but really? Who cares about this?
Kathy is “old school” and I am over it. She truly is not that compelling to watch and I hope she is not back for another season. Her husband is an idiot on the show and if you follow them both on Twitter, you know he is a pig and she is a bitch. Time for this family to make their exit.
Jac goes to visit Melissa for a scripted visit. Jac is not needed on this show either. She is boring, brings nothing of interest, and is a whiner. It’s too much effort listen to her so I’m doing laundry during all her time on camera. Tre is off to see Kathy with the baby to visit.
I’m now more focused on my laundry than the show. I’m also on my 2nd glass of wine, which is needed to watch this train wreck. I’ll hit four glasses by the time the hour is over. The show goes back and forth between Jac and Melissa and Teresa and Kathy and people are picking sides.
Jac lets us know she has not spoken with Teresa since they got back from California, Melissa is playing both sides of the fence, Teresa is holding her own, and Kathy is being old school. I cannot stand this woman and her talking to the camera is laughable with all the clichés she uses.
Melissa goes to visit Caroline for a scripted visit and it’s too much. She tells Melissa she is doing a one shot deal on Sirius radio. Really? Her local show tanked so why is she doing another one? Melissa tells her to play her song on the show, which is oddly endearing. Caroline is pathetic.
She has a board in her kitchen with cards on what she will talk about and I’m laughing. Who is truly interested in what she thinks? Her husband is not present as far as we can see, and her children are still breast feeding in their 20’s, so what advice can she give us that would matter?
Melissa calls out Caroline for acting like a high school girl and I’m not paying attention. Caroline needs to walk away from this show. She is not friendly with any of the ladies, not even her own family, so why is she here? Time to realize her kids are not break out stars and move on.
Melissa takes a couple of Tre’s girls out for the afternoon so Teresa can get ready for her Fabellini party. Who know what is going on with them now, but it’s nice to see here. The kids all together are really sweet. Such a drag that what we see is over a year old.
Kathy and Rich are with their kids at the University of Maryland on a tour for Victoria. I know it is my job to blog about these shows, but even I have my limits. I am fast-forwarding over this entire scene. I cannot stand Kathy’s voice, especially when she whispers deeply to the camera.
Caroline, Albert, Albie, Christopher an Lauren are off to do their radio show and Caroline tells the camera she has no idea why people would be drawn to what she has to say. She says she has nothing great going on and I’m applauding because it’s the first honest thing she has said.
Albert Manzo on a talk show is like Helen Keller running a driving school. It makes no sense. He does not speak, the kids have nothing interesting to say, they are boring and annoying, and I’m guessing the show will tank like everything Caroline tries to do. Too harsh? Not really.
Teresa is at her Fabellini party and it’s cute. Seems a little fake, but hello, the whole show is fake. Jac was not invited, which is awesome. Jac “hurted” Tre and so she is out. Teresa says you cannot kill someone then bring them back to life. She told me the same thing in an interview.
We then get what we’ve all been waiting for, Dina Manzo. This woman is divine looking and if I looked like her I would walk around naked taking pictures of myself. She is gorgeous and fun and it’s a shame she left the show. She was fun to watch but leaving was the best thing she did.
The radio show is a disaster. I am watching the scene and almost feel sorry for her. You can hear crickets and I am embarrassed for her. Caroline is the last person I would ask questions about raising kids or having a good marriage. I am laughing at the entire thing.
Caroline says she raised her kids to do well but what is it exactly that her kids do? Albert is a man of few words so why is he on a talk show? The kids are seriously not interesting and the producer of the radio show tells them there are no calls and she needs to prompt the questions.
Not helpful if no one is listening. Back at the party, Dina and Tre hug. Jac tells us Dina skipped the holidays with the family, as well as the launch for BLK, but she is there for Teresa. Its called scripting Jac. Poor dear. Take another Xanax and get some rest. We’ll be fine without you.
Caroline finally gets a call and it sounds like the producer calling in. Oy vey. Teresa is talking to Dina and Dina seems to not care. She came to support her friend, not listen to Tre bash her family. Come on Bravo. Cut us some slack and try to limit the crapfest. Dina should skipp[ed it.
Next week will be the Posh fashion show and we know it’s going to get ugly. By ugly of course I mean uglier. I am watching. Mostly because I’m paid to. It’s dark and not entertaining, but too late to turn back now. Next week I might have to go through a whole bottle to keep it real.
September 7, 2012 | 9:24 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I love the television show “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo”. I watch it, record it, and watch it again when I need a good laugh or a simple pleasure. This show is joyous. Regardless of what you think about these people and this show, you cannot watch it and not see the love in this family.
They are not on television to be an example of what life in Georgia is like, or what pageant mothers are like, or what is involved in terms of the emotional toll pageants take on a little girl. They are on television to show us what love looks like. They love each other and you can truly feel it.
The entire family is very compelling. They are irreverent, uninhibited, crass, vulgar, funny, kind, tolerant, ballsy, and real. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo may not be the Cosby Show, but they are just as important, just as entertaining, and just as relevant in terms of pop culture. A lot of people are watching this family each week.
Alana/Smoochie/Honey Boo Boo is a lovely little girl. She is 7 years old and thankfully she acts like a 7 year old. She is a child and her parents allow her to be one, which is so important. She is not trying to be a grown up, she just wants to be a princess and I want her have that dream.
June/Mama is a darling woman. She is a little rough around the edges and her manners are a little lacking in terms of bodily functions, but I love her. She adores her children, supports their dreams, and wishes for them all that they wish for themselves and more. She is a great mom.
Mike/Sugar Bear, loves his wife, loves his daughter, and loves his stepdaughters as if they were his own. This man supports his family, supports their dreams, and takes pleasure out of their successes. He is a wonderful father and I admire how comfortable he is in his own skin.
Anna/Chickadee, Jessica/Chubbs, and Lauryn/Pumpkin are the three older daughters and they are an integral part of the family dynamic. This is not a show about a little pageant queen wannabe. It is about a family that sticks together and live a close and connected life.
Many have called the show controversial, while others have labeled it exploitive. To those people I would suggest that they watch it again. It is not a documentary on American life. It is a reality show about a real family and if you remove your judgment, you will enjoy the ride.
This show is a fun romp because they don’t take themselves too seriously. They do however take their lives seriously, and you can see it. They are proud and should not hide because we have not seen anyone like them before. Instead of making fun of them, have fun with them.
To be clear, they are not for everyone and I get some of the criticism, but come on people, this is not PBS. It is TLC and it is fun television. It is real life and in an era of scripted reality TV, it is refreshing. Watch this show. Maybe you’ll learn a little something about keeping it real.
September 6, 2012 | 9:20 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
This show is getting more ridiculous every week and we are now all just laughing at them. They clearly do not care that the cameras are running, and actually seem to go out of their way to humiliate themselves. They are mothers and if I was family protective services I would be paying a visit to a couple of housewives. They are behaving badly and it is pathetic.
I understand the perks and glamour of fame, but in this case, with this group in particular, they appear to be desperate in a way that is sad. They are a bunch of middle-aged women who seem to think this will last and they are untouchable, when in reality they are boring us and we do not hold them in high regard. It is pity and embarrassment that we feel for them.
It’s been an interesting week for me in that someone I care about was forced to deal with hateful words. I am feeling a responsibility to her and to myself to choose my words carefully as I know they are powerful and can hurt someone. Therefore, I will refrain from the words skank, whore, slut and idiot. By refrain, of course I mean I will try to refrain.
We are still on the hot-mess-menopausal holiday to St. Barts and it’s getting weird. Luann slept with the pirate and he has turned up at their house. She is trying to be cool but you know she wants to do him again, but because she can’t admit she did, he is up for grabs and it would appear he is going to make his way through the housewives like a knife through butter.
Ramona is flirting with him, which is hilarious. Even pirates have their limits and as much as she wants to think it could if she wanted, never going to happen. Ramona is trying to get the pirate to admit he was with Luann last night and he is saying it was someone who looks just like him. Ramona is drunk and desperate, while Luann is fuming and annoyed.
Sidebar: Luann’s French is not fluent. She speaks very little and throws in English words to supplement it. It’s hilarious. The Countless is not that fancy in the end. Luann is still trying to convince everyone she had a bunch of Italian friends over when everyone who was there, and all of us watching, know she slept with the pirate.
Sonja is now drunk, smoking, and all over the pirate. They go off to have a little fun and Luann is unable to say anything because she has a live-in boyfriend at home. Heather is fascinated by the whole thing and Carole is laughing at it all, yet has the look of someone who would get in line to have a go at the pirate if the cameras were not there.
The “ladies” are out on a boat and it’s just silly. Ramona and Sonja are making fools of themselves and just as we are all having a good laugh at their expense, Aviva and Reed are getting on a plane to come for the weekend. Aviva is someone I just don’t get. She is odd and I am finding it hard to like her on this show. I might like her in real life, but not here.
She does not want to be defined by her neurosis but it is all she talks about. She is annoying and I think she makes it all out to be worse than it is in order to have something to talk about. She is uninteresting and so her New York shtick about being so high strung is just shtick. I’m guessing she regrets choosing that as the thing we know her for.
Carole is nice and a cool chick but when she talks about her past I find it strange. She tells the camera she does not talk about her personal life to a lot of people, yet she wrote about it and is talking about it in front of the cameras, so I don’t really understand what she is saying. It is her history and she should share it without saying she never shares it.
Watching Aviva on the plane is like watching paint dry. She came to the island ready to rumble with Sonja and Ramona so you know it’s going down. Meanwhile Sonja and Ramona are at a real estate office looking to see if they can rent another house for the two days Aviva is there incase it does not go well. It is scripted and I am now on glass of wine number 2.
Sonja and Ramona are skinny-dipping when Aviva and Reed arrive. Everyone greets them with hugs and kisses except for Sonja and Ramona who are naked. Everything seems to be going well until Aviva decides she is going to lose her mind. She has a nervous breakdown right before our eyes and it is truly quite remarkable. I’m on glass number 3.
Aviva says she begged Reed to bring her, but when she spoke to Heather and Carole there was no begging mentioned. Aviva wants everyone to go upstairs and hug and kiss the feet of Reed for bringing her to the island. Ramona is screaming that Aviva needs to take a Xanax, Sonja does not understand what is going on, and Luann is enjoying every second of it.
Aviva calls Ramona and Sonja white trash, which makes no sense. They are, but why say it here? There have been way better examples of their trashiness than this. Aviva is a strange girl and I will be surprised if she lasts another season. She is not interesting, quite rude, not funny, painfully neurotic, and brings nothing to this show but yelling.
Ramona and Sonja are screaming that the fight is Luann’s fault and she is the instigator. They are all yelling, I can’t follow what is happening, and I am mortified by the behavior of these women. Aviva is with Reed, telling him Heather and Carole begged them to come and I am now convinced Aviva does not understand what the word begging means.
Aviva is not comfortable and wants to leave unless Carole asks them to go. Aviva is now acting like a crazy person. Aviva does not understand why she was not greeted with a party. Really? Nobody said anything unkind to her husband, yet she is convinced he is hurt by their not kissing his feet upon his arrival with rose petals and champagne.
Ramona and Sonja are going off on Luann and blaming her for the fight. Sonja tries to make up with Aviva and we see how really lovely she is deep down. Shame about the drinking and instability. Sonja is harmless and I worry for her that she is painting herself in such an unfavorable light when she is struggling to take care of herself and her child.
Aviva, who says nobody has manners, tells Sonja and Ramona they should leave Carole’s house. Complete insanity. Ramona apologizes and kisses some ass, then Aviva insists they tell Reed they are sorry and Sonja is done. The entire thing is beyond comprehension and in the end all we learn is that Aviva is mentally unstable.
Sonja is now having a breakdown, Ramona has switched to another personality, and Luann is backstabbing. Just like old times in NYC. Next week will be more high school behavior and I will need four glasses of wine to get through it. Is this public humiliation worth the money? The answer depends on whether or not you are keeping it real.
September 4, 2012 | 8:52 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I cannot stop watching this show. Granted it has only been on for a couple of weeks, but I am oddly attracted to it. For reasons I cannot explain I watch it, watch it again when it is repeated, and cannot look away. I cannot relate to the people featured, nor could I tell you the name of a single Jonas Brothers song, but I am watching. Considering how old I am, it is of concern.
We start this week with Kevin and Dani going to the “Jonas compound” to visit before the big Jonas Brothers world tour starts. The compound is a house but I am quickly learning this family thinks a lot of itself so jumping from house to compound is not a stretch. To be clear, I think this is a very strange family and I would not want to be the first girl to marry into it.
Kevin is very sweet, but little off. He is soft-spoken, and a little meek, but at the same time he is trying to find his way and be a man, rather than just a Jonas kid. While not that familiar with the Jonas Brothers, Kevin was always described as the older gay one, so it’s interesting that he is married. I like him and am puling for him and his equally odd wife Dani.
Dani and Kevin arrive at the compound and it’s weird because his mother does not hug her, just has an awkward conversation. We saw in the first episode that they don’t really like each other and the only thing they have in common is Kevin, but it’s just strange to watch and in the end I think Dani is sweet, while Momma Jonas is a bitch. I feel very bad for Dani.
Momma is trying to be a hard ass and it’s working. Sort of. I mean she is tough, but it’s not powerful tough as much as bitchy tough. It’s not appealing and I think she is horrible. I would not want to be the daughter-in-law to a woman like that. In fact, I have been and it’s not a fun place to be. Dani will never be good enough, or smart enough, and that is a bumpy road.
Kevin’s grandparents come over and we learn his Grandpa has cancer. They are sweet people. Then friends come over, including Bob, who is the spiritual advisor to the Jonas family. What does that mean? Is he a man of the cloth? Perhaps just a guy from the street that speaks with God? I don’t understand what his qualifications are, but they all listen to him.
Kevin’s mom tells Bob to share with Kevin and Dani what the Lord told him. Kevin is annoyed, Dani is confused, and Bob lets them that God told him to tell them to start a family. It is super creepy. Dani starts crying and her mother-in-law thinks it is because the Lord moves her, but it’s because she is annoyed as hell that this crazy woman won’t drop all the baby crap.
Kevin and Dani talk to Bob and Kevin tells him he is ready to have a baby and Dani is not. She tells us she is on medication for anxiety and it’s a brave moment. I really like this girl. I think she is slow, annoying, and irritating, but I really like her. She is clearly having a hard time adjusting to her new life and her struggles are painful. Bob is going to pray for her.
I admire faith and I love God, but I am unsure about someone who claims to actually speak to God. God speaks to me, but I’m not sure he is sending messages through people to get pregnant. Dani is scared to have a baby because she worries Kevin will be away and she will be alone, but Kevin says he will be there. Really? He will quit a tour to come home?
Dani goes out for afternoon tea with her mother-in-law and it is hilarious. It is pretentious and I’m guessing it was their first time and all for show. Dani is mocking the whole thing and I’m rolling. Meanwhile Kevin goes skeet shooting with his dad and brother Nick. Nick is the talented one, but also the evil genius. The dad is all about milking his kids to make money. Icky.
He tells them about their new tour and says they will be on the road for four months. Kevin is not sure how Dani will handle the news. Cut to Dani and she says she is excited about going on tour. She is asked if she will take a baby on tour and she says she would tour while pregnant, but taking a baby would be hard. Mother Jonas immediately lets her know she did it.
This woman really is a bitch and if she is not careful she will not see her son or her grandchildren as much as she would like. At some point Dani is going to grow some balls and if she is not careful, the mother I mean, she is going to blow it. If nothing else, this show is a how to not treat your daughter-in-law handbook for those of us who are mothers to boys.
Dani and Kevin are talking “privately” outside and Kevin tells Dani he is sorry about his mom always talking about a baby. He then tells her he is sorry for being selfish and pushing he baby issue. It’s sweet. Totally scripted and fake, but charming. We are reminded that they are really young and that makes them interesting. Odd and annoying, but interesting.
Kevin talks to his mom and lets her know she is being a bit of a bully. She is very defensive, gets fake teary, and while I feel for her as a mother, she is quite a bitch. She says she is jealous that Kevin has a family of his own, and he has her family to deal with also, but there is a weird insincerity to her. That said, I’m sure I will be the same way, minus the bitchy.
Then in a surprise move, Mrs. Jonas goes all Jewish mother guilt on Kevin and I suddenly love her. (Not really.) She pulls the “your Grandpa has cancer, you should be with him not your wife and friends” card. It was brilliant. Gotta love the Jewish mom card. It’s only week two so picking sides might be premature, but I’m going with team Dani on this one.
The Bitch Mom them trashes Dani’s dinner because she used paper napkins not cloth. Dear Lord. She needs to have a conversation with God and get some perspective because her behavior is not very nice. Then in a complete dumbass move, Kevin tells his wife what his mother said about the napkins. Really? Poor dumb Kevin has no clue.
These kids are really simple. By simple of course I mean a little dumb. By a little of course I mean a lot. I like them though and I am pulling for them to be happy. By happy of course I mean cancelled. The family gets together to watch baby videos of Kevin and it’s weird. I'm watching but this is a weird family, a weird show, and nothing about it is keeping it real.
August 28, 2012 | 3:16 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
The much anticipated three part trip to St. Barths has begun. We start with the flight onto the small island and Carole talking about the loss of John and Caroline. I love Carole and actually don’t like it when she talks about them. She seems uncomfortable when she does and I imagine a Bravo producer telling her she has to talk about them. It feels creepy.
They are all there except for Aviva who was too scared to leave her husband. The house is gorgeous and as they are getting their tour, Ramona is rude and tells them to hurry up so she can get in the pool. Ramona is a pig. She is crass, rude, obnoxious, and idiotic. Ramona gets the master suite and she opts to share with Sonja. Carole stands out as a class act.
I love it that Carole says how she feels without fear. She says she wants to be far away from Sonja and Ramona but says it to the ladies, not just the camera. It’s awesome. Carole discovers that the house they are staying at is someplace she went on holiday with her husband 15 years earlier and it’s a shocking moment for her. Carole is truly a lovely girl.
Back at the main house Heather runs into a glass door thinking it was open. She has hurt herself and is resting with ice as Luann, the nurse, tends to her. I cannot imagine Luann ever working as a nurse. She probably became a nurse so she could nab a doctor. Luann is in the pool with Ramona and Sonja. The twins, Drunky and Slutty, are getting sloshed.
Carole’s boyfriend is going to come by after dinner but by that time the hags will be hammered and it’s a risky plan. Heather is back but her nose is so unfortunate looking that you can’t tell if it is even swollen. The chef and butler are handsome and there is a lot of touching and lusting happening courtesy of Mrs. Morgan. She is a very sloppy drunk.
Sonja is mumbling about her ex-husband, moving forward, and her toaster oven. She truly is a mess and I worry about her mental wellbeing. Sonja wants to talk about the toaster oven, Ramona wants to bash Heather, Heather wants to slit her wrists, and Luann makes her exit. Carole bails too and Ramona follows her, and Carole is not amused.
Heather and Sonja are still fighting about the toaster oven meeting and Carole tells Ramona she is nervous. Ramona tells her not to worry she will just be herself and Carole responds by telling her NOT to be herself. It is hilarious. Carole is the only one who says to the ladies what she says to the cameras. Important to note I use the word ladies loosely.
Russ comes and he seems like a nice guy. I don’t really get it, but whatever. Carole seems happy. Ramona tries to be normal but it is an epic failure. Sonja is wasted. Heather is lovely, and Luann is invisible. Sonja tells Russ they were nervous to meet him and Ramona yells at her that she should speak for herself. Carole is ready to get the hell out of there.
Russ is being charming, Luann is very manly, and Sonja is drunk and horny. Sonja goes off to flirt with the butler and Carole and Russ go to her room. It is odd because she tells him he should stay with her for the night. Really? She has not seen him in weeks and there was no plan for him to stay the night? I don’t get their arrangement and it was weird.
In the morning Sonja is worried she was okay with Russ and Ramona is annoyed that Russ was there. It was a weekend for girls only and not fair that Carole got to be with her boyfriend. Carole reminds them that she is always with them and their husbands and they all need to shut the hell up. I’d rather watch an hour of Carole alone than these bitches.
They are at the beach and Sonja is so incredibly inappropriate that I honestly wonder how it is that she is not being sued for custody of her daughter. In fact, I wonder what their arrangement is. I am thinking she does not have her daughter that often because she is unstable. I laugh at Sonja but the poor girl needs to get some help.
Ramona is throwing around Yiddish, Sonja is looking to get laid, and I am bored. Sonja is talking about how she is taking the girls out and it makes me drink more. She has no money and Bravo is taking them all out. Why does she feel the need to impress us? We think she is a dunk and while loveable, she is a hot mess and not impressing anybody.
They are at the club and Sonja is acting like she knows the place but I’m guessing it’s been a million years since she was there. There is a Johnny Depp look-a-like with his girlfriend and Luann is all over him. Everyone is getting drunk and there is a burlesque show the girls are all going to be a part of and I’m ready for bed. Will finish up in the morning.
Sidebar: I am now writing this in the middle of the afternoon and it’s horrible because I have to drive carpool and make dinner so I can’t have any wine and this show sucks without a drink. I also want to point out that I have decided I rally like Heather. It took me a minute to get her and I think I finally do. I really like her and think she has chutzpah.
This show is not interesting and watching is a drag. We all know something great is coming, but the way they drag us along so slowly is aggravating. All the ladies are dancing and Luann is off flirting with a pirate. Come morning, all hell has broken loose and the women are on a witch hunt for Luann who is hung over and scrambling to undo what she has done.
Luann spent the night with the pirate but she tells a story about being with a group of Italian friends. Everyone knows she slept with the pirate and she is quickly contradicting her stories. Best line of the show is from Heather to say she was awoken by two male voices and one was Luann. Freaking awesome. Heather confirms Luann was with the pirate.
Carole and Heather are chatting with Aviva and she tells them she is coming with for the weekend. They tell the others Aviva is coming and they pretend to be happy about it. Everyone is gossiping about Luann’s houseguest and Ramona is annoyed that Reed is going to stay at the house. Sonja thinks he should stay at a hotel while Aviva stays with them.
It’s so stupid. Ramona and Sonja are beyond excited to have caught Luann cheating and it’s sad. These women are not friends at all. Heather can’t wait to gossip to Carole about it and Luann is desperate to talk to Jacques and let him know she was with her Italian friends. Seriously, do these losers not realize they were a mic and there are cameras everywhere?
Sonja is in bad shape with her hangover and Ramona lets us know she “soma toast”. That is funny. Heather is worried about Jacques and that Luann has made a huge mistake. Luann is obsessed over how much her lover looks like Johnny Depp and it’s just pathetic. Aviva is annoying, Heather is quite cute, and you can see Carole wondering why she did this show.
Heather has changed her bathing suit for some reason. The reason of course is that the show is scripted, they needed to do some reshoots, and Bravo is so dumb they never noticed it was a different suit. Ramona wants Luann to tell Reed to stay at a hotel and I am really pissed off I can’t have a drink. Dear Lord. This show is truly ridiculous.
Luann is telling everyone she had a whole group of Italian friends over and it is a lie. That she is so dumb is rather entertaining. She gets a call form her friend Cat, who is not Italian, and tells her that she must tell the pirate that he cannot tell anyone that he was with her last night. She walks away which cracks me up. YOU HAVE A MIC ON YOUR DUMBASS!
This is going to get bad before it gets good for the ladies, which means nothing but good for us. I like the train wreck but it is getting old. It is silly to think they are friends, or can even tolerate each other outside of the show. I’m in until the end, or at least until Aviva calls Slutty and Drunky white trash. I will need wine next week to keep it real.
August 27, 2012 | 7:23 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
This week is what seems like the 8th week in Napa. The show is all about everyone talking crap about Teresa, her defending herself, chicks fake crying, men acting like children, and the fans getting one step closer to being alcoholics because it has become near impossible to watch without a drink to take the edge off. It is a train wreck and Caroline is to blame.
The entire family is calling Kathy a saint for putting up with Teresa not thanking her in a toast, which is lame. Teresa spoke from the heart about her brother and her hosts, and Kathy is an idiot. She is a troublemaker, a whiner, has chosen to be on the side of hate instead of family, and it’s time for her and her deuchebag, creepy husband to be cut from this show.
To deflect from the tension, Joe Gorga tells everyone to get into the hot tub. Juicy joins him and Albie Manzo wants to know when it’s going to get gay. I think it is hilarious. Albie is not getting undressed until it starts getting gay? The entire Manzo family is a waste of time on this show and they need to move on. By move on, of course I mean get fired by Bravo.
Melissa and Teresa join their husbands in the hot tub. Caroline is complaining she wants the night to end, and Kathy comes over to be an idiot and stir trouble. They invite her into the water and she says she does not want to disturb the family love. She is assured there is love for her, and she says obviously there is not because Teresa left her out of the toast.
Kathy tells the camera that she knows Teresa better than most and she is nothing but a mean girl. She then tells us she is not going anywhere. Really? First she is going to hell. Then she is going to the reality television star unemployment line. She is trying to cause trouble to seem relevant but the fact is that we don’t care about her and she needs to get lost.
Kathy calls out Teresa and Teresa could care less. She never excluded her, it was simply not about Kathy. Teresa calls Kathy insecure, then Kathy gets in the water with her bathing suit wrap on, which is the ultimate in insecure. Kathy then proceeds to confront Teresa about the toast and I am, at four minutes in, opening up a bottle of wine so I can watch it.
Juicy, Melissa and Joe Gorga bail out of the water and you know there is a producer off to the side orchestrating the entire conversation. By conversation of course I mean an ambush of Teresa by Kathy. Teresa is not getting why Kathy has a problem, then it gets weird when Kathy starts talking about Caroline, and Teresa’s mistreatment of her.
The entire Manzo family is sitting on a couch listening to them and it’s beyond stupid. Teresa is telling Kathy she has done what she can to get along with everyone and Kathy is not letting it go. Kathy is picking and picking and Caroline is starting to fume on the couch. With each scene Teresa looks normal and everyone else looks crazy. It is not entertaining.
Teresa walks away from Kathy because it’s stupid, Caroline is ready to fight, and the men are starting to get edgy. Jac is passive aggressive and Caroline thanks Kathy for coming to her defense. Kathy says she just wanted to help and they all know her. Really? We know you too Kathy and you are a pathetic and desperate bitch who is looking to stay on television.
Caroline is bashing Teresa, and Jac and Melissa want nothing to do with it. Caroline is saying Teresa has many faces and the tension is rising. Teresa comes back and Caroline is ready to rumble. She says she can’t even look at Teresa and seriously, it is hilarious. Caroline has gone too far and nobody is trying to reel her back in. She is digging her own grave.
Teresa says she is not sure what to do to make things better, and Caroline continues to throw her under the bus. Caroline is acting like a spoiled bitch. Important to note that Caroline Manzo has not brushed her hair all season and it is getting nasty. We are back to talking about the tabloids and we are reminded this entire season is about hating Teresa for no reason.
Sidebar: The editors of this show need to get fired. The camera goes back and forth between the men and women and it is clearly all scripted. It’s as if they are telling the women, hold your fight for a second, we will be right back, they play the women in the background screaming, but show Caroline smiling and looking around. It is fake and offensive to me as a fan.
Caroline is still talking about the cookbook, and we se how jealous she is that Teresa is getting all the magazine covers and she and her children are going nowhere fast. Teresa is keeping her cool and not getting sucked back into the drama while Caroline is spinning out of control. Jac pretends to sleep through the big fight and I have an intense urge to kick her while she sleeps.
Is Caroline trying to take credit for fixing Teresa’s relationship with her brother? Yes she is. Teresa is amazed at the crap Caroline is spewing while Melissa and Kathy are staying out of it and Jac is fake sleeping. Everyone is going to bail on the Manzo family because it is clear that a future on this show is more likely alongside Teresa than Caroline.
Caroline calls Teresa a liar, fraud, and disgrace. Teresa is offended but holding it together. Caroline says she learned a lot about her through spending time with her family. Teresa is now fuming and asks Kathy if this is what she wanted when she stirred trouble. Kathy tells the camera she thinks maybe she made a mistake getting involved. Really?
Kathy is irrelevant to this show and she was scrambling to figure out a way to stay on it, but picked the wrong side. She sided with Caroline and it is now biting her in the ass. Melissa did the same thing and quickly saw where the opportunities were and switched teams. The show is imploding and in the end the only way to save it is to dump the Manzo clan once and for all.
Back to the men, Chris Laurita is telling Juicy he is unhappy he told people he was shady and Juicy denies it. There is tension for a second, then they get over it. The men all kiss and you see a genuine affection for each other, which is nonexistent with the women. They are not friends, do not like each other, and need to come to blows and start pulling hair already.
Caroline is being a crazy bitch, Teresa is standing up for herself, and it’s lame. Teresa goes to Juicy for backup and Juicy calls out Caroline and tells her to let it all go. The book was a million years ago and she needs to move on. Albie says he will attack whoever attacks his mother and Albert sits back and does nothing, which is kind of his thing on this show.
Juicy wants it to be over, Chris Manzo is defending his mother, and Caroline is saying Juicy is drunk and she is worried Albert will go off and knock out Juicy. The men handle it like grown ups while the bitches are bitches. Albert backed down immediately and you have to wonder about exactly how delusional Caroline really is. Lauren speaks up and says nothing.
Caroline says she is as Italian as Teresa and I’m laughing. Who gets to decide who is more Italian? Lauren is back to the cookbook, Caroline is jealous she is not asked to be on magazine covers and Jac and Melissa are ignoring Caroline. Teresa is now pissed off and cannot believe she is back to defending her fame to people who are jealous and ridiculous.
Teresa is talking to Kathy and lifts her chin so she will look at her and Kathy acts like she hit her and it’s hilarious because Kathy is trying to hard to secure herself another season and I cannot see it happening. She brings nothing to this show but a disgusting husband and a painful whine. Kathy sold her soul to devil for fame and he is now done with her.
Caroline is loving Kathy right now and Teresa is done. Miraculously, Kathy has the magazine story on her phone and starts to quote it. Teresa is saying it was not a big deal and Caroline is budding into the conversation as if the battle is hers. It is uncomfortable to watch and there is no joy in watching people get attacked in this way. Juicy is done and he gets his girl.
Juicy tells Teresa they have an earlier flight and they are going home. Lauren and Caroline are calling her a piece of sh** and Carline says “God help us all” which is hilarious because evoking God is not going to help her desperate and black heart. Lauren Manzo is a total and complete idiot and that she is sharing her opinion is laughable because we don’t care.
Teresa comes back to tell Caroline that she never sold a story about her and Caroline is saying it is over. Teresa bails and Caroline tells Kathy she appreciates her trying but she is done. She says Teresa stinks and hanging around with her is making her stink in return. Caroline is a loser and she is raising her children to be losers too. Time to go Caroline.
Important to note that the reason Caroline stinks is not because she associates with Teresa, but because it would appear she never washes her hair. If you are going to be on television, then maybe just run a brush through your hair once in a while right? She stinks because she is a pig, and in the end jealously has a stench and she bathes in it.
Caroline tells Melissa and Kathy that Teresa has been talking garbage about them forever. She won’t go there, but they need to know it is bad. Joe Gorga comes over, Caroline is calling Teresa a beast, and Joe is not having it. He tells Melissa they are leaving and he is standing with his sister on this one. Melissa agrees and it is the only nice moment on this train wreck.
Lauren says Teresa is lucky her Daddy did not go off on her and I’m laughing. Teresa is surprised but happy Joe and Melissa are leaving with her, and Kathy is in Teresa’s room trying to get more camera time. Kathy is back peddling say she was on her side. Really? We saw you push her under the bus and now you want us to think it was to help Teresa not hurt her?
Kathy is losing her mind because she realizes she picked he wrong side, Melissa wants Teresa to remember they chose her side, and Caroline is crying like a baby in the bathroom. Next week will mark the return of Dina Manzo but even fabulous Dina can’t help the Manzo’s now. If Dina sticks by Teresa and not Caroline then she will be the only Manzo to keep it real.