Posted by Ilana Angel
Typos this evening are sponsored by Jose Cuervo.
This season feels like it lasted a year, not a few weeks. They are painful. I know they will come back, and it will be all about fake friendships and Gretchen planning her wedding, so with this finale, I am out. I will watch another season of course, we are too invested to not watch, but I will not blog it any longer. They are simply not that interesting. They don’t like each other, so why should we like them? Here is my last RHOC blog!
We pick up at Vicki’s Winter Wonderland party. Everyone is pissed off at Gretchen, and I honestly don’t remember why. Someone is always on the outs and it has shifted from Alexis to Gretchen. Alexis would have us think it is God’s will, but I would argue they are not mad at her because that is how the show was written. Gretchen and Slade arrive and have decided to not tell anyone about their engagement because nobody will be supportive.
Lydia just called Slade a douchelord. I have been using that word in this blog since season one, so perhaps she is reading. Ryan will talk to anyone who will listen about Vicki. So gross. Ryan is talking smack about Vicki and Brooks to Gretchen and Slade. Really? Gretchen says she hears things through the “grapevines” and I am on drink number one. These chicks are mentally deficient. Something bad is about to happen. For real.
Gretchen and Heather start talking. Gretchen is hurt Heather spoke about her offer to be on a sitcom, and Heather is pissed off that anyone would have the balls to think they are an actress when she is the ONLY actress on this show. Gretchen is calling Heather out on her acting ego, and Heather thinks that Gretchen is delusional. Heather wants to talk about her show taping which was weeks ago. How old are these losers? Embarrassing.
Heather and Gretchen have been talking for what seems like hours. I’m so bored. Slade joins in, lies, and nothing is resolved, but they still hug and kiss. So lame. Cut to Vicki, she asks Tamra to be her best friend and gives her a BFF bracelet. Dear Lord. This is mortifying. Jim and Alexis are talking to Tamra, and Jim is gross. Alexis is controlled by him, and bless her she seems happy, so I guess that is her thing. I think Jim is odd.
Tamra pronounces schmuck as shmock and I am laughing. Tamra is apologizing to Jim, who is crying, as is Alexis. She wipes her tears on his scarf, which he says cost $1000.00. I’m pretty sure he got it at Ross for 20 bucks. Terry is eating, Heather is nitpicking at him, then it goes down. Judy, my FAVORITE, is in the house and has her feet on a couch. Ryan tells her he owns the house and she needs to remove her feet from the couch.
Ryan is dropping F bombs and telling her he is going to kick her out. He is yelling at Judy, yelling at Vicki, yelling at everyone, and it is disgusting. He is drunk, clearly mentally unstable, and I feel bad for Judy. She is the most harmless, and most lovely woman on this show and Ryan is out of line. He may be in the military, which I admire and respect more than anything, but he is also an idiot and needs to grow up. Vicki should tell him to leave.
Alexis has run to Lydia’s defense, Lydia is upset, while Judy is shaken. It is very sad. Vicki’s brother is telling Ryan it is not his house and if he is upset, he should leave the party, not Vicki’s guests. Judy says she will stay because she does not want to hurt Vicki. I love Lydia and Judy. Vicki is off to talk to Ryan, and Tamra thinks a joint will help take the edge off. Bravo Tamra. Vicki is making excuses for Ryan, which I sort of get.
Vicki is lovely to Lydia and tells her she is sorry. Good for her. Briana is clearly embarrassed and Ryan is still being an asshole. Brianna is defending her husband, but she is wrong. Vicki uses this as the time to tell Briana that Brooks is back in the picture. Briana tells Vicki she is going to move out with the baby. Ryan is as much to blame to the dismantling of this family as Brooks is. Why so angry? Perhaps we are dealing with a small penis?
Heather invites Jim and Alexis over for lunch. Heather thinks it is not a big deal but Alexis is already picking out a BFF bible in her head. Alexis is entertaining. Important to note I am drinking and when I read this in the morning I will tell myself, no she isn’t! Sidebar: I totally forgot about the reunion shows! It is going to be a 3 part extravaganza and I will blog all 3. I began the season and I will finish it. Reunions included!
Tamra and Gretchen are talking. Well Tamra is talking and Gretchen in listening. These women are painfully immature. I wonder if I hang upside down and drink my booze through a straw this show will get interesting. Wait here a minute……….. whoo hoo! That was fun. Best part was I missed 3 minutes of crap. So great. Don’t try this at home people. I am a professional. Seriously, try it. It was fun and you miss some of the crap.
Tamra and Gretchen solve nothing, but they hug and kiss. This is lame! Vicki confronts Slade and Gretchen about the smack he is talking about her. Slade thinks it is hilarious. Vicki gives Slade a bottle of her Vicki’s Bacon Vodka. Gretchen mocks Vicki and I want to smack her. Slade is picking a fight, Gretchen is picking a fight, and Slade says if Vicki wants to be treated like a lady, she needs to put away her dick.
I think Slade is a moron, but that line was brilliant. All the ladies are now listening in and telling Slade to stop talking crap about women. Slade says he is giving what he is getting. So mature. Lydia chimes in and tells Slade is a pig. She is not standing for his crap. Love her. Lydia is now over Gretchen too. Vicki is now screeching at Gretchen and I do not understand why Gretchen and Slade don’t go. They were never welcome.
And so it ends. Before the finale, which will probably change my opinions on a few of the ladies, I will say that Vicki is desperate, Heather is pretentious. Alexis is harmless, Lydia is good television, Tamra is exhausting, Gretchen is revolting, and Lauri is a whore. I’d like to say it has been a fun season, but that would be a lie. The reunion will be the best part so I will be here watching, drinking, blogging, and keeping it real.
12.12.13 at 9:43 pm | I might be too intimidated to blog this show. . .
12.10.13 at 8:55 am | Carlton can stay, Joyce should go.
12.8.13 at 9:55 pm | Momma Joyce is all kinds of crazy.
12.7.13 at 8:49 am | What the hell is Bravo giving us?
12.7.13 at 7:29 am | I'm not going to lie, these women and the men. . .
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire.
10.13.13 at 6:35 pm | One minute in and I am already overwhelmed by the. . . (1594)
10.10.13 at 12:58 pm | One is trashy, one is classy. (1557)
10.8.13 at 5:46 pm | This was the most boring reunion show ever. (1542)
August 4, 2013 | 7:01 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Typos brought to you by vodka.
This is the dumbest and most offensive show Bravo has ever produced. I say this only in part because I am Jewish and they are perpetuating Jewish stereotypes, but also because these women are mortifying as women, friends, and human beings. It needs to go. The funniest thing about this show is watching the princesses beg people to like them on Twitter, then retweet the hell out of any compliment they get. They are a train wreck and I am ready for this show to by thrown into the garbage. If it is renewed I will be surprised, and I will not be watching.
We pick up at the winery and Ashlee is missing, having walked away from the only friends she has, Chanel. Erica, Joey and Amanda have gone to be on the boat, and Chanel is looking for her. She is crying and in talking about Ashlee being sick last year, she makes it all about her. It is stressful for her. Chanel is dramatic, and frankly silly. These women are all stunted in terms of their ages. Instead of living on their own and being grown ups, they are in a time warp where they are forever 16 and stupid. Screw Ashlee, it is party time!
Erica screeching out “Daddy” makes my ears bleed. Watching the crew stare at the boobs is hilarious, and that they are talking smack about Ashlee, not knowing where she is or how she is doing, is pathetic. Throwing Chanel under the bus for not going to the boat with them, and getting sucked in the Ashlee drama, is disgusting. These are not only stupid girls, but also really mean. Joey in particular is vicious. Amanda is too dumb to be mean on purpose, and Erica is hideous. She tells her father she has broken her vagina and I want to swallow glass to distract myself.
Amanda gets a text that Ashlee is in the hospital. Chanel hears from Ashlee’s parents that she has been admitted and I cannot stand the crying. Joey feels bad that Ashlee is in the hospital. They got the text in the sun, and it is now dark, so they didn’t care enough to go check on her, just enough to lie about it. Erica is eating with her mouth open again and I want to smack her. As soon as they are sorry, they take it back and blame Ashlee for being in the hospital. Erica goes so far as saying God is punishing Ashlee for hurting her feelings. I hate these people.
Turns out Ashlee hitchhiked to a hospital because she had a panic attack. I am sorry, but I am laughing. I feel for her and do not think it was anything but terrifying, but come on. This is insanity. Her parents enable her crap and it is not good for anyone. I am now on cocktail number 4. Lord give me strength to make it through. Cut to Casey who is out with Amanda to let her know she was wrong to leave Ashlee. Casey is going to fix things? Casey is a moron. I truly cannot stand this show. I will not watch if is it is renewed. I will not blog, but will mock on Twitter.
This is really not any of Casey’s business so she is out of line. This is a conversation for Chanel, not Casey. Casey bails on Amanda. Cut to Ashlee and Chanel, Ashlee is crying about how she had to be given a Benadryl. I am really sorry to be laughing, but this is just too funny. Ashlee is no longer going to be friends with Joey, Amanda, or Erica. Chanel makes it about a Jewish holiday, which is laughable because these chicks are not practicing Jews, and Chanel is not wearing the clothes of a Modern Orthodox women. This show has nothing to do with Judaism.
Chanel wants everyone to make peace. Chanel should start drinking to take the edge off of her friendships. Amanda and Jeff are off on an adventure. Their voices separately are annoying, but together it is just too much. I’ve got the volume off and the closed captions on. That’s how I roll. Jeff has taken Amanda onto the train where they met. They are reminiscing about when they first saw each other and it is sweet. His speech to her is cute but It is not a marriage proposal, only a promise proposal. Who does a promise ring in their 30’s? These people are on my last nerve.
Cut to Amanda and Chanel who are joined by Erica and Joey. We are waiting on Ashlee. As a Jew I am offended by their mocking of my faith, so we will skip over the importance of the action and just talk about their attempt to make peace. Ashlee turns up and Chanel is crying again. Blah, blah, blah. I love this girl, but it is just too much. Amanda is crying because her mother is suffocating her and in doing so she is stuck with a promise ring, not an engagement. No apology to Ashlee, just a whine about not getting the right ring.
Erica apologizes to Ashlee, but she is not moved, then sort of admits she is an alcoholic. Casey makes Erica’s drinking about her. These girls are ridiculous. Joey is crying about being kicked out by her dad. Still, no real apology to Ashlee. Ashlee tells the girls she had a stroke last year and was bed ridden for eight months. It is very sad and I feel for her. I still think she is ridiculous, but I feel for her. Nice that she had her parents to help her, but at 30 she needs to get out of the house already. She then throws it down on the fake friendships.
Casey is sticking her surgically altered nose into something that is not her business. Ashlee says it could have ended with her on a milk carton and the comparison to her being a kid on a milk carton is laughable. Amanda is blaming Ashlee, Ashlee is over it, and these chicks will never be real friends, because they never were real friends. This show is stupid, these women are lame, and they need to be shelved. There is an old Jewish proverb that says, put idiots on television and nothing they say or do will be about keeping it real.
August 4, 2013 | 6:03 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Typos are sponspred by vodka.
Lots and lots of vodka.
Everyone is talking about Teresa and Joe Giudice and their legal troubles. I will simply say that it appears they are in a heap of trouble, we do not know the truth, and until there is something to talk about, I don’t really have anything to say other than I wish them well. Their children need people to step off until there is a trial and verdict. Now, lets blog.
We start this week with Melissa visiting Joe at work. She is talking crap about Teresa in front of her kids. Lame. Joe is going to do a billboard for a tan shop and Melissa won’t do it because Teresa already has. Melissa is as dumb as she is beautiful. I love her husband and kids, but could not care any less about her book about her manipulated marriage. Garbage.
Over at Teresa’s, she is making dinner because the family is coming over. The entire family. I am happy for them, especially for the kids. Milania is perfection. We jump quickly to Jac’s house so we can hear Caroline talk gossip, and Jac hang on her every word. Melissa joins in so she can throw more crap. Melissa is an idiot and Caroline is depressing.
Melissa feels the need to tell Jac she made up with Teresa. Why? Caroline tells Jac Teresa is going to call her, and Jac acts like she does not care. Of course she cares. Caroline says Jac cannot be free to care for her son with all the drama with Teresa hanging over her head. Really? Jac can’t focus on her kid because her fame is more important than he is.
Jac’s face does not move and her neck continues to get smaller. She is just a head sitting on shoulders, and it freaks me out. Back to Tre’s house, Joe, Melissa and the kids arrive for dinner. The kids are fabulous and seeing them together is really sweet. Important to note Joe’s spray on hair is mortifying. No wonder he has now shaved his head.
Melissa is passive aggressive, and Teresa keeps her mouth shut. Teresa is trying, no matter how much they try to break her. You got to hand it to her for trying. I would have given up long ago, and even though she is to blame for a lot of the problems, it was reactionary and the fault lies with Melissa and her jealousy. She is a fame whore. Whore being key.
Melissa tells Teresa that they told Jac she would be in touch. Melissa is a shit disturber. Teresa has Jac pegged. She calls out Jac on her obsessive and compulsive behavior, including her Twitter addiction. Teresa calling Jac is a waste of time. Jac needs to be in rehab and Melissa needs to be happy for her husband and shut the hell up already. It is getting old.
We jump to Chris and Albie and their new restaurant. Who cares? These two are not interesting and I could give a rat’s ass about how they are trying to get their restaurant open. I am going to step away from the TV to make my 3rd cocktail. Tonight I am drinking fresh watermelon juice with fresh lime juice and vodka. Lots and lots of vodka. Cheers everyone!
We head over to Kathy who is talking about shit from a million years ago. She is talking about what Teresa said last year, or maybe even before last year, proof that Kathy bring nothing to this show. Rosie is lonely and ready to have a relationship. Good for her. She needs to meet a nice woman, who is not like any of the women in her family, to have a shot in hell.
It is time for a Manzo family dinner. For the love of God, there is not enough booze in my home to make this interesting. Important to note: I have a lot of booze. The kids are whining about what losers they are, Caroline tries to build them up, and Albert tells her to shut the F up, then goes to watch TV. He cannot stand to be around his wife, and is not even pretending.
Melissa is shooting the cover of her book. Ugh. Joe is shooting a commercial for a tan shop. Ugh. Melissa is in love with herself, and Joe is in love with himself, so how is it they have time to love each other and have a good marriage? Her book is truly a waste of paper. It is hard to like this couple when she is so unappealing. God Bless Joe for hanging in.
Teresa calls Jac and invites her out. She says she is not sure they can be friends again, but would like things to be civil. Jac says it is important to pay attention to CJ, then takes the call from Teresa and ignores CJ. Jac is a gutter pig who cares more about her camera time than her kids. She uses her children for sympathy and story lines because she has nothing else.
Kathy, Rich, Melissa and Joe are out at a gay bar with Rosie. Dear Lord. Rosie needs to dump the old married folks and go out on her own. She is adorable and they are sucking the joy out of her search for love. Rich is a pig and poor Rosie is getting hammered and making a fool out of herself. I think it is sad. I’m guessing Ellen never called Rosie. Too bad.
Back to Caroline’s, it is another day and Albie is asking Caroline about what is going on with her and Albert. Albie is a loser. Bless him. He is worried about his parents and is rather mean in how he talks to her about it. Caroline is more like she was in the beginning this season, and while I’d like to think she saw herself and wanted to change, it is probably more about camera time.
Caroline is over at Jac’s to talk about Teresa. Again. Jac is going on and on about how Teresa makes all of her family issues about her, but she makes all of her issues about Nicholas. Jac is truly not meant for television. Cut to Teresa, she is on the way to the mall with Juicy and the kids, and they are talking about Jac and Chris. Enough with talking shit in front of the kids.
Gino calls his Dad stupid and we have another Milania in the making. So funny. Give these kids a show and fire their parents. It’s time for the smack down. Jac and Chris meet with Teresa and Juicy. The men go to have a drink and cigar in another spot while the women sit to talk. Is it the same place Caroline spoke to Teresa? No new places in Jersey?
Jac is either medicated, or fresh out of a Botox appointment. Teresa blames Jac for her not talking to Joe for a year, and Jac is not having it. She is bold to the confessional camera, but a mouse in front of Teresa. She is medicated. Over with the boys, they are working through their stuff and it is lame. Chris is a bore and Juicy is over it.
Teresa calls Jac evil and she has no reaction. She is so high. Teresa is calling her out on all her crap and Jac cannot respond. Perhaps because her mouth is shot so tight she cannot speak. We are left hanging until next week. This show has glimmers of greatness in the darkness, but tonight it was a bore. Hopefully next week they’ll get back to keeping it real.