Posted by Ilana Angel
*Typos are brought to you courtesy of Captain Morgan. Don't judge.
This week in hell starts at Melissa’s house, where she is talking to Antonia about her book. She fake cries and I am over it. She is full of crap and we all see it. Cut to Joe getting home from his confrontation with Teresa at the gym. This is obviously scripted, but whatever. Joe is telling Melissa about the fight, while Antonia is listening at the door. Shame on Bravo.
Melissa thinks Joe has seen the Teresa she sees, but Joe clarifies that Melissa needs to stop picking fights with Teresa on Twitter. Melissa tries to cause problems for Joe and Teresa, and Joe mans up and tells Melissa to stop. I love Joe Gorga at this moment. We have been waiting years for him to take Teresa’s side and see that Melissa is wedging them apart.
Cut to Teresa and Juicy at soccer practice with the kids. Teresa tells Juicy about the fight, and again, it is all scripted. Juicy says Joe has a Napoleon complex and I am laughing. Laughing because it is funny, and also because Juicy knows who Napoleon is. Teresa looks like a Muppet in her blue coat, Juicy is hilarious, and their kids are perfect television. I love them.
Sidebar: I will get emails asking me how it is that I can be on Teresa’s “side” and like Juicy when he is so horrible to her, and to those people I say grow up. This is a reality television show and we see what they want us to see. We don’t know these people, it is not reality, and I pick sides because even though it’s my job, I care more about keeping it real than keeping it nice.
Cut to Caroline, Jac, Rosie and Kathy going to some beauty party for a store that appears to be in direct competition to Lauren’s shop. Whatever. Jac is a plastic mess and she looks horrible. Caroline gets a call from Teresa and I want to say something I never thought I would say. Are you sitting down? I like Caroline. For the first time in years of this crapfest, I like her.
She is getting back to who she was, which is great. Now, it is all fake and a feeble attempt to help her sell books, but I like her and don’t care what her motives are, she is behaving properly. Teresa calls to tell her about the fight with Joe, and Caroline handles it appropriately. She then tells the cackling hens and I am right back to thinking she is a snake. Oh well.
Rosie says she feels bad about all the fighting in her family, but she is the one that flies off the handle all the time. Rosie used to be fun, now she is just angry, and angry is not cute. Over to Kathy, she is talking about her cannoli company. For the love of God. Who cares? Leave the gun and take the cannoli? No. Leave the cannoli and shoot yourself with the gun.
Rich and Kathy are talking about her company and he essentially calls her a moron. I feel bad for Kathy that she is humiliated by her husband in such a public way. I think she is inherently kid, in a marriage that is not satisfying her, and staying with a complete asshole because she is scared to go out on her own. Rich is a pig and we all know it, including Kathy, which is sad.
Caroline is at her Hoboken apartment with her kids. Why are we forced to watch these kids and listen to them talking crap? They are trying to justify their parent’s marriage and it is sad. Caroline and Albert don’t have a good marriage as far as I can tell. Christopher is an idiot, Albie is in the closet, Lauren is a moron, and there is nothing interesting about these kids.
Rosie and Joe are out for a drink and she says she has not had sex for six years. Really? Is that really something you want to share on national television? Now we know why she is on edge all the time. Joe is tormented, Rosie is doing the right thing, and I am pissed off that Bravo is giving us another dark season when we have hung on for so long. It is not fair.
Jac is working with Nicolas and it is heartbreaking. Why she would want to show this makes no sense to me. This precious little boy should be given the respect of privacy. This stupid bitch is using him for sympathy and attention and as a mother I find it heartbreaking and shameful. I am no longer going to write about Jac when she uses her son in this selfish way.
Al is with Caroline and clearly annoyed to be with her. Christopher and Albie are visiting Lauren at her store. Dear Lord. These kids are a mess and I resent having them shoved down my throat. This family has nothing to talk about with each other, so why do we have to watch them? It is awkward and almost creepy. Speaking of which, we flip back to Rich and Kathy.
Rich rents Kathy a kitchen and she is not happy. There is so much tension in their marriage that she cannot be happy. This marriage is falling apart and that is sad, as it always is when reality TV rips people apart. Over with Teresa, she is writing her blog, which nobody thinks she does, and she gets a call from Rosie, inviting her for a drink. Such bullshit. Poor Teresa.
Melissa and her hag, I mean sister, are with her mom and aunt, telling them that she is going to write about the fact that her dad was a cheater. So gross. The man is dead and that they are throwing him under the bus for a dollar is disgusting, We leave the skank and her family to go over to Rich and Kathy. Dear Lord, he is such a pig. I just can’t stand to watch them.
Rich is telling Kathy he is the reason she is building her business, and she says he does not value to opinion. To do this on camera, for her kids to see is sad. He makes jokes, she is crying, and I don’t care. Cut to Rosie and Tre having a drink. Teresa is calm, Rosie is drunk and belligerent. Again. This is embarrassing, not entertaining, and I am rolling my eyes that we watch.
In the end Rosie and Teresa find a calm place and we are reminded that Rosie is really wonderful, and Teresa is trying. We are pulling for them, which is weird because we should walk away and not care. No matter what side you are on, this show feels like family and we watch because we want peace. If only they could do what we do, which is keep it real.
12.12.13 at 9:43 pm | I might be too intimidated to blog this show. . .
12.10.13 at 8:55 am | Carlton can stay, Joyce should go.
12.8.13 at 9:55 pm | Momma Joyce is all kinds of crazy.
12.7.13 at 8:49 am | What the hell is Bravo giving us?
12.7.13 at 7:29 am | I'm not going to lie, these women and the men. . .
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire.
10.13.13 at 6:35 pm | One minute in and I am already overwhelmed by the. . . (1583)
10.10.13 at 12:58 pm | One is trashy, one is classy. (1571)
10.25.13 at 4:32 pm | At what point does a person's well being trump. . . (1553)
June 27, 2013 | 7:42 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
LeAnn Rimes is suing Kim Smiley and her daughter for taping a phone conversation, which is against the law in California. The truth is that a lot of people don’t know about the lawsuit because LeAnn won’t talk about it, and did not do any interviews where it was allowed to be discussed. Radar Online has mentioned it a few times, under the banner of an “exclusive”, but they are driven by gossip, and while they have contacted me to see what I know, they have not written on the subject with any level of fairness.
Twenty days ago the case was submitted to the court, the judge threw the case out as it was presented, and gave LeAnn and her attorney 20 days to re-file the corrected paperwork. That twenty day mark has now come and gone. I understand that an extension of some kind has been filed, and that Ms. Rimes is continuing with the lawsuit. Bless her. One really must wonder how it is that this woman has so much time on her hands that she can devote her time, money and energy to hurting a complete stranger.
LeAnn has no job, and no kids. She does not appear to spend time shopping for stylish clothes, or seem particularly focused on taking care of her hair, so I guess it makes sense that she has a lot of time on her hands. Darrell Brown is her producer, who once wrote that my blogs about LeAnn treated her in the same way Jews were treated during the Holocaust. I laugh every time I think about the comparison. Darrell Brown is a strange man on a regular day, but this week he has taken on a whole new crazy.
On Monday I tweeted that the epic failure of LeAnn’s album Spitfire was interesting because while the girl can sing, it failed because of who she is as a person, not a singer. Within hours of that tweet, I started to get messages from my followers that they were being contacted and threatened by Darrell Brown. Apparently you are not allowed to say anything bad about the failure of the record, or he will sue you. LeAnn and Darrell really like to sue people I guess, because I heard from a lot of people.
The fact is that Spitfire has sold less than 12K copies. LeAnn did a huge media push, appearing anywhere and everywhere, and they still could not sell it. People are not buying the record because they don’t like LeAnn Rimes as a human being. Her behavior is offensive to women. She is a woman who cheated on her husband, slept with a married man, and blurs all lines of decency when it comes to being a stepparent. LeAnn Rimes is simply unappealing, and her lawsuit against Kim makes it even worse.
Nobody knows or cares who Darrell Brown is, yet he thinks we do. He is now threatening people with lawsuits for simply having an opinion. It is fascinating to me that people pay him any attention, but I understand that they are scared. When you are simply hanging out on social media, sharing your opinions and having fun, then get a letter that is legal and intimidating, and you are just a regular person, it is going to freak you out. I was certainly freaked out the first time LeAnn and Darrell wrote me.
My fear quickly turned to disbelief, and has now settled into a place where I laugh at it. LeAnn Rimes and Darrell Brown are bullies who are trying to intimidate people. It is sad, stupid, and pisses me off that nobody wants to talk about it. Every media outlet talks about how Spitfire is so critically acclaimed, but nobody talks about the fact that nobody bought it, and a month after it came out, it is in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart. Why is everyone afraid to speak the truth?
Why is it okay for Darrell Brown and LeAnn Rimes to scare people? Why is she spending hundreds of thousands of dollars suing a special education teacher and her daughter, when she could do repair to her soul and reputation by spending the money on rebuilding a school in Oklahoma? Or fighting for the rights of women in Texas? What is wrong with these people that they can be so clueless as to what is really important? LeAnn and Darrell are twisted and they need to stop.
I feel sad for the people getting contacted by Darrell. I feel sad for the people being attacked by LeAnn. I feel bad for Kim Smiley and her daughter that they are continuing to deal with the nightmare of a lawsuit. I feel blessed to work for a website that allows my voice to be heard and is not intimidated by people trying to scare with the law. It is time for Darrell and LeAnn to get a grip on reality and understand that what they are doing hurts many, especially the two of them.
Spitfire tanked. It is a fact, and no matter how many legal letters you send out to say it did not, it did. LeAnn has a PR problem. It is a fact, and no matter how many legal letters you send out to say she does not, she does. I am a writer, and this is America, so I am going to continue to share my opinion, and I will be supported by not only my employer, but my government. No matter how many legal letters they send, that won’t change. LeAnn and Darrell need to grow up, move on, and start keeping it real.
June 24, 2013 | 6:47 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
*Typos brought to you courtesy of Jose Cuervo. Don't judge.
I watch this show with one eye shut and a lot of alcohol. It is mortifying in terms of how Judaism is portrayed. I am embarrassed by these women and feel they do a grave injustice to the stereotypes of Jewish women. They are grown ups that act like silly and ridiculous children. They also are insanely stupid as all the talk about each week is why they are not married, when the reasons are painfully to everyone who watches.
It sounds harsh I know. I have interviewed Chanel Omari and think she is one of the most wonderful young Jewish women I have ever had the pleasure of getting to know, but come on. She did an interview where she said we need to lighten up and view it as a sitcom that is funny, not real. It’s a reality show, not funny, and she is deflecting because she knows it is silly. She is the only smart one in the group, and she knows.
They start each show with one of the women reciting a Jewish proverb and it makes my skin crawl. With the exception of Chanel, none of these chicks admittedly know anything about being Jewish. Oy Dear! We start this week with Chanel and Amanda shopping. Amanda’s voice gives me a severe lower back pain and I really need her to stop talking. There is something charming and cute about Chanel, but near impossible to overlook her friends.
It is time for Ashlee’s birthday party and she is getting ready. Her parents give her a massive diamond ring for her birthday. Her parents are adorable, and I love her dad. She’s 13 right? Wait, what? She’s 30? For the love of God. This entitled and spoiled woman is a mess and her parents are doing her no favors. They have created a monster and with each episode they air, she is about another 10 years from ever finding a man to take her on.
Everyone is arriving to the party. I don’t get why Amanda screams when she sees people. The party looks like a singles mixer for JDate where they sold tickets to 100 women and one man, who is Jeff, which is like having another woman there. Erica and Amanda see each other for the first time since the Hamptons and it is high school. Casey has a pole stuck so up her ass she can hardly breathe. Erica meanwhile is a slutty, sweaty, cheating mess.
Ashlee makes a speech, thanks her parents, and shows off her ring. We have been hearing about the party since it started, but we saw it for only 5 minutes. Whatever. Cut to Erica playing tennis with her boyfriend Rob, who I can only assume has dumped her whore ass by now. She is cussing and acting like a fool, in front of young kids, and I cannot find anything to like about this girl. I would not be her friend in high school, or ever.
Erica is telling Rob he does not need to worry about her and trust her. She would never touch anyone else, or kiss anyone else. Except when she is drunk, which is always. Over at Chanel’s house, her ex-boyfriend has come by for a visit. I can’t. He is a child, an asshole, and this scene is stupid. I like Chanel and I just can’t. Out of respect for her and how lovely she was on the hone, I am going to let this go. She is wasting her time.
Sidebar: Chanel goes in the house, collapses into tears and is comforted by her father Sam. I simply must take a moment to say that Sam is yummy. Such a good looking Israeli man. Oy Dear! Chanel, Ashlee, Casey, and Joey are going to Jewish, singles summer camp. Honest to God. Enough with the Jewish already. It is insane that they are all obsessed with Jewish men when there is noting Jewish about them. My back is now in full spasms.
They are talking about their childhood camps, and blow jobs. Chanel is eating a full on plate of food while driving, Joey is not into it really, Casey is a bitch. Casey wants to know exactly how Jewish the camp is and I am wondering why this show is on television. It needs to be cancelled. These women are bad for Jews, bad for women, bad for television, and most importantly, bad for my lover back. I am not doing shots of tequila.
Amanda and her mom Babs are doing out clubbing together. Babs is hot mess and it is embarrassing. We meet Amanda’s younger sister Taylor, who has the same voice and looks a little like Amy Winehouse. I am skipping over this whole scene. The voices are too much. These girls are hideous and look like hookers. Meanwhile the single gals get a call that the camp is closing because of bad weather and they are told not to come after driving 3 hours.
They are now stuck in the “middle of nowhere”, which translates to not being within 30 miles of a Four Seasons. They head into a dive bar to have a drink, and proceed to get drunk. They talk to everyone, dance with strangers, are clearly out of luck on the Jewish man-hunting mission. They wonder through this dive bar asking every man f they are Jewish. Meanwhile Case prefers to drink and have fun by herself. Insert masturbation joke here.
Sidebar: It makes me so sad to see the reactions of people who are asked if they are Jewish. If you are not Jewish, say you are not Jewish. Do not say fu** nom, or ask if you look Jewish. It hurts my feelings and pisses me off because these women are making it worse. They are perpetuating stereotypes and it is hurtful. Over to Amanda and her hooker mom, they are getting drunk with Erica who is slutting it up big time.
The next ten minutes are spent watching the single girls get hammered and be disrespected by men who are not Jewish and judging them for being Jewish, and Erica getting drunk, sweating like a hooker in church, avoiding phone calls from her boyfriend, and giving a blow job to a stranger In the bathroom. The singles check into a motel for the night and Ashlee has once again brought her own betting because she has sheet issues.
There is a stain on the bed and it makes Ashlee vomit. Literally. She hurls at the sight of the stain, then almost does it again while describing it to the camera. I am laughing, but it is at her, not with her. The singles go to bed, while Amanda tells Erica she is out of control. I have just wasted my time on this crap, but I will continue to write about it because people need to know that when it comes to Jews, these women are not keeping it real.
June 23, 2013 | 5:46 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
* Typos brought to your courtesy of Captain Morgan. Don't judge.
We head down the Jersey Turnpike and end up at Melissa’s house. She is a lunatic and lies so much that it is laughable. She also talks all kinds of crap in front of her kids, yet complains when Teresa does it. She is talking to Joe about Melissa visiting her Father-in-Law. Cut to Juicy and Teresa talking about the same thing. They go back and forth between the two houses, 2 minutes in, I’m exhausted.
Melissa can’t count, but we already knew she was an idiot. It is sad to watch Joe. He is facing guilt from his sister, and manipulation by his wife. Melissa is horrible and if Joe is watching this and not seeing what we all see, then he is as dumb as her. Bless him. Important to note that we only see what Bravo wants us to see, so I am blogging about the show I am shown, not their real lives, which I don’t see.
Melissa asks Joe if Teresa is bipolar, in front of her kids, then we head to Kathy’s house. I used to love Rosie, but now not so much. She is mean. Kathy is planning a birthday party for Rich and Victoria. Who cares? They are talking about Kathy visiting her uncle, which she has not done. Kathy’s mom is Teresa’s dad's sister, and they don’t speak, so I don’t know why everyone is surprised that it carried through to the next generation.
Caroline and Al are visiting Albi and Christopher, who are opening up a restaurant. Oy dear. Caroline tells us that after two years, they are still not making any money off of Blk., which is hilarious. Two years and still no profit? Maybe it is because Blk. is ass juice. These kids hustle, and this family has love, but it is hard to respect them when they are such fame whores. It is unappealing, fake, and not at all interesting.
Melissa and Joe are with the people who are publishing her book. Really? How is it that someone too dumb to read can write a book? She is writing a book about having a modern and traditional marriage. Well, how many chapters do you need to talk about how blowing your husband will make him side with you, not his family? That should take one paragraph, so what else? I am simply unable to understand how she got a book deal.
Melissa’s father died when she was 17, which is tragic. She talks about how much she loves him, and how much Joe is so much like him, then tells us her dad was a cheater and left her mother for days on end to be with other women. It is sad, but it pisses me off that she is so quick to call out Juicy by alleging he cheated, yet the father she loved so much, did not allegedly cheat, he actually did. Melissa is a train wreck and her book will be stupid.
Cut to Jacqueline, who is working out at home at home now, even though she went to Teresa’s gym last week. Her trainer is wearing a ridiculous outfit, and Jac has no interest in working out, just wants to talk about Teresa. Jac is not funny, not cute, not interesting, not pretty, not authentic, and not sane. She keeps gossiping and the trainer is just trying to get her to do something, anything, but it is not happening. Jac is a gutter pig.
Cut to Teresa who is getting a mani/pedi with her Mother-in-Law. A blatant attempt to get us to think she is better with her in-laws than Melissa, but we’ve never seen this before so it is scripted and manipulative. Whatever. Teresa talks about Melissa’s book. Mom-in-Law says Melissa dresses like a hooker. Hilarious. I sometimes watch this show and wish I was Italian. It was the same way with the Soprano’s. Rest in Peace James Gandolfini.
Cut to Kathy and she is with Richie, who is a pig. He is rude and disrespectful, as is his son. This entire family should be banned from Twitter. Kathy cannot stand her husband, yet is offended that we can’t stand him either. Back to Melissa, she is crying about her dad, yet there are no tears. So dumb. Her dad died in a car accident on a rainy night. Very sad, but gross that she is talking shit about him now. Not cool.
We are back with Caroline and a commercial for her son’s restaurant. For the love of God, why do we always have these kids shoved down our throats? Enough already. Between their wearing Blk. t-shirts, and her talking about how great they are, they are not coming off as that great. We bail on the losers and head off to Richie and Victoria’s birthday party. Victoria looks beautiful, and Richie looks hideous.
The men are pigs and embarrassing Joseph, while the cackling hens talk about Teresa. Teresa is all they ever talk about. For the love of God, move on already. Jac has had so much Botox it looks like she has had a stroke, and Caroline says she may be more on Team Teresa than Team Melissa, but I don’t trust Caroline. That said, if she is taking steps back to who she was when we met her, then good for her. I don’t get what Caroline is doing.
Kathy is complaining to Rich about Teresa and it is embarrassing. They are all drunk and to do this at the party is lame. But that is how these people roll. Rosie is belligerent and sloppy, Richie walks away from it all, and Rosie is now losing her mind. Turns out sweet Rosie is nothing but a pig, just like her brother-in-law. It is all exhausting and ultimately very sad. This family is broken and it is very hard to watch. I don’t like it.
Cut to Teresa at the gym, and she sees Joe working out. He is grunting to make his presence known, and it is so scripted that I am laughing. They have not seen each for a year and this is how Bravo puts together the big reunion? She sees him after a year and is joking and not crying? She would be crying if there was anything real about this encounter. They start fighting immediately and it is uncomfortable and strange.
Teresa blames Melissa, Joe defends Melissa, and it is ugly. Joe tells Teresa they don’t like how Tre talks in front of the kids, but Melissa does it all the time. Joe says Teresa cannot really cook, and it is gross. Joe is going to lose his family forever because of Melissa. Joe then talks smack about Juicy. Joe is repeating things that we have heard Melisa say and honestly, it is beyond sad. Shame on Bravo for creating this mess. Yes, Bravo.
I happen to think that they go out of their way to make this family look bad, so when they watch it back the truth morphs with the lies, and a perfect storm is created. We watch it and take it all in, form opinions, and before we know it we are not sure what we are watching or what is true, while Bravo runs to the bank laughing. It is a horrible exchange, and truly like two kids fighting. Joe says he shouldn’t have married Juicy. Really?
They have four beautiful children and for Joe to say that is too much. They are obsessed with each other’s spouses. There are a lot of people to blame for what is going on. Teresa, Joe, Juicy, Bravo, and Melissa. We are right back where we ended last year. It is bitter, nasty, and near impossible to recover from because just when you think you can forget, you get to watch it again. This show has gone back to hell and nobody is keeping it real.
June 20, 2013 | 11:35 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
We are down to 13 men and while a couple of them are quite lovely, I don’t see any of them with Des. This show does not work anymore because fame trumps love. Case in point, Brain, who was kicked out when his girlfriend Stephanie came crying about how he deceived her, is back with Stephanie and living happily ever after following his 15 minutes. Such crap.
They head off to Atlantic City and Brad gets the first one-on-one date. He is a single dad and while handsome at some angles, he looks weird at others. Brad is way too normal for this show and he is going home. They go to a candy plant and eat taffy, followed by chocolate. She feeds him a chocolate covered pretzel, then he shoves one in her mouth. Hilarious.
Brad and Des have nothing to talk about, there is no chemistry, and it is painful. Sidebar: Des should go back to having bangs. She is not as cute with them grown out. Back at the house there is a group date for all but James, who will get the second one-on-one. Brian cries and while in another place and time I might think it is sexy, I can’t stop laughing.
The group date is going to have the men compete in a beauty pageant. Dear Lord. Important to note that it pisses me off when Des talks about dates and trips like she planned them, or that she knows anything about anything to do with Atlantic City. The writers plan everything, she reads a script, and they are clearly all smoking pot with the editor of this crap.
There is a pageant coach who is fabulous, then the men choose what they will do for the talent portion of the competition. Juan Pablo can twirl a baton? He is dreamy. Everyone is finding something ridiculous to do and I am wishing Mike Fleiss would send over some of the pot he provides to his editor. This is going to be humiliating and really bad television.
There will be a talent show, an interview question, and a bathing suit competition. Sidebar: Chris Harrison is annoying beyond measure. Casey wins the pageant and I am amazed these men were willing to do this. This may be the dumbest show on television. By dumbest show of course I mean dumbest people. Another thing, Des talks through her nose.
The men are all certain they have a connection with Des, everyone hates Ben, Ben is a douche, and James is back at the hotel taking a bubble bath to get ready for his date the next day. Oh. My. God. I am not sure why I am watching. There is one rose for the group date and she gives it to Zach W. due to his lame singing I guess. These men act like women.
For the one-on-one with James, they are going on a helicopter to see the destruction left in the wake of Hurricane Sandy on the Jersey shore. It is a dramatic look at what happened and bravo to the potheads at the Bachelorette for finally giving us something worth watching. It is important to see, so I am not even bothered by Des’ scripted concern.
Des and James go to meet a couple who lost everything and they are the loveliest couple ever. Manny and Jan are so cute that I want to hug them. Des gives a blank stare as they tell their story and while pathetic that they made this couple pretend to know or care about who Des was, their story needs to be told and I can overlook the obvious manipulation.
The hurricane hit on Manny and Jan’s anniversary so Des has the brilliant idea to give them her date. I hate this show, but love that Manny and Jan get a special night out. Des is so nasally that is makes my back hurt, and she is unable to speak articulately without a script. James is brilliant at speaking off the cuff, but Des is a robot with a blocked sinus.
Important to note that ABC should cancel this crapfest and start a new show called “Bachelor Dates”, where they give these phenomenal dates to people who really deserve them. Surprise couples with a night out. It touches our hearts, make us grateful to see real love, and will not piss us off. Now that would be great television worthy of our time and blogs.
James and Des go out for dinner to a local restaurant and he admits to her that he was in a five year relationship and cheated on her. Ouch. Once a cheater…… She says she is glad he was honest, but she immediately checks out. She makes out with him, tells him she appreciates the honesty and gives him the rose, but there is no way he is going to win in the end.
The Red Cross gives Manny and Jan a replica of their wedding album from their ruined pictures and it is amazing. I am crying at how wonderful the moment is. I love this couple and their 38 year marriage is inspiring. Des and James come to wreck the moment. Then the moment is saved by announcing a private concert by Darius Rucker. I freaking LOVE Mr. Rucker.
Sidebar: I’m a little disappointed Darius came on this crapfest, but I still love him. Manny and Jan have no idea who he is, or how great this moment is, but they dance and it is super cute. Shame Des has to nasal spew all over it. Des and James join them to dance, then Manny and Jan bail and Des and James dance. It was better with Manny and Jan.
Manny is emotional when he thanks everyone on behalf of himself and Jan, then says a few words in Italian, which Jan thinks is sexy. I love them, wish them well, and hope ABC gives couples like them a show and stops with this garbage. We then move back to the hotel and it’s cocktail party time before the rose ceremony. Bryden is pulling the "I might need to leave" card.
Every season someone is unsure if they can do it, and this week they scripted the war vet, which is lame. Mike G. takes her off for a moment alone and gets his first kiss. I really like him and hope she dumps him so he can be the next bachelor. Bryden is whining and it does not work. He never should have done this show and he is embarrassing himself right now.
Everyone is talking about Bryden and what he wants to do, and Des tells him he needs to stick it out because they have a connection. No they don’t. This show is stupid. She has no connection or chemistry with Bryden and she should tell him to go home. She gives out roses, makes Bryden wait to the end, then sends Zach K. home. I don’t even know who that is.
We have been watching for weeks and there are still so many men! How is it possible that she is not down to 4 yet? Next week they will travel to Munich, Germany. Oy Vey. The teaser for next week says it will be Armageddon, which means maybe I will only need one bottle of wine to make it through the hour. This show needs booze to keep it real.
***Typos brought to you courtesy of Merlot.
June 20, 2013 | 8:21 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I have watched Chef Roble & Co. quite a few times. I don’t blog it because it would be the same blog every single week. For example: “Chef Roble’s staff creates a menu, he takes credit. Chef Roble’s staff executes the menu, he takes credit. Chef Roble is mean to his staff, rude to his sister, and spends his time talking about how great he is, while whining about everyone.” That blog would get old.
The show is boring, his sister has no idea what she is doing, his staff is lovely, but not allowed to shine through because he stifles them and wants it to be about him all the time. He is vulgar, abrasive, and immature. I understand how he got a show because the idea of it makes sense, but how he got another season is a mystery to me. This show is not interesting.
On last night’s show they did a polo party in the Hamptons. Not everyone is suited for the Hamptons, and Roble is one of those people. Roble is ignorant about a lot of things. He is offensive during a discussion about a gay couple having a baby, offensive in how he talks about “white people”, and likes to tell us that “black people” are different, every chance he gets.
Jasmine is very sweet, but clueless and not a decorator, and Arte is a genius who should be the one to have his own show. He is entertaining, funny, real, and fun to watch. I actually feel bad for Arte because he is too good for this show, so if he can hang on, this show will be cancelled and maybe someone at Bravo will see the real star and give him a show.
Sidebar: Billy Charles is a blogger based on the east coast. He is funny and kind, and always has a nice word for everyone. He has a loyal following on Twitter, and uses his blog for good by raising a lot of money for Hurricane Sandy relief. He truly is a good guy and having gotten to know him over the past year or so on Twitter, I have become a huge fan of his.
Billy Charles has a wonderful husband, a cat I often think about stealing, a strong voice of compassion and tolerance, and opinions on a lot of things. He is honest, open, and does not sit back when something bothers him, or people who are intolerant of race, religion, or sexual orientation. In the world of reality television blogging, Billy Charles is one of the good guys.
So last night on his show, Chef Roble behaved badly and Billy Charles called him out on it, in a very respectful way, by tweeting him to ask if he would be as tolerant of stereotypical remarks about his race. Roble replied by telling Billy to shut the f*** up and that he was an equal opportunity offender. Charming. I called him an asshole, and he then went after me.
He said I was old and ugly, which I’m sure was meant to hurt my feelings or embarrass me, but the fact is I am gorgeous and rocking my 40’s like nobody’s business, so all his comment did was make me think he has no respect for women and a very small penis. Roble acts like an entitled and spoiled brat on his show, and also on Twitter. Grow up loser.
After he dropped F bombs and attacked anyone who had an opinion, he decided to follow me on Twitter. It was rather entertaining and quite sad. Roble has a swollen head and thinks because he is on a reality show he is famous and somehow above everyone else. Here’s the thing genius, if we are not watching, you have no show, so respect your audience.
You owe Billy Charles an apology. Billy watches your show, asked a question that deserved an answer, and you were mean for no reason. You are in the public eye Roble, and you need to be decent to decent people. You not only embarrassed yourself last night on twitter, but your company, and as a mother myself, I can safely assume your mom too.
Important to note that Chef Roble's sister Jazmine decided to get in on the action and went after me on twitter today with the same vulgar language and judgement as her brother. She even suggested my opinions were because they are people of color. Really? I don't see color, I see ignorance, and these two are truly disgusting people. Shame.
When you go on a reality show to expose your life, business, and personality, you open yourself up to criticism, but Billy was not criticizing. He was asking a fair question, in a respectful way, and Roble was an asshole. There was no need for it and in the end all it did was loose him some viewers, which he cannot afford to do. He may be on TV, but we blog.
Don’t underestimate the power of a blog douchebag. You were rude and mean to people, and all it did was show your true colors. You did not come across as funny or intelligent, but rather as a man who is unworthy of our time, not anyone I would want to do business with, and most importantly, someone who is unable to handle people who keep it real.
June 18, 2013 | 8:33 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
There is a lot of hype about the fact that these women are about to celebrate their 100th episode, which is fascinating because this show sucks and never should have reached this milestone. We can only blame ourselves. We watch, and they laugh at the fact that we are watching. This show is bad, these women are pathetic, but here we are. Time to jump back into the murky and infested water, so hold your breath.
We start with Lydia who is planning a salsa party so all the women can be forced to hang out together. She calls Heather to get her to make peace with Alexis so they can all get along. Heather acts like she is more of a housewife than Lydia and it is funny that she sells herself as an old timer when she is relatively new. I don’t get Hearher, but I think that Lydia is a hoot and she is my new favorite OC cast member.
Vicki is with Tamra and we see signs of their old friendship, which used to be fun to watch. Tamra is two faced and talks to Gretchen like they are the best of friends, then throws her under the bus with everyone else. They are going to the salsa party. Vicki is spinning all kinds of crap about Brooks. We will never know what the true story is with those two, and more importantly, we will never care. We don’t really care about any of them.
Alexis meets with Heather and I almost feel bad for Alexis. She should not be here. Nobody likes her, she is a bore, and it makes no sense. Alexis does not know what Heather wants to talk about, then Heather says it was her idea to talk to Alexis. Really? Heather would never have spoken to Alexis had they not scripted for Lydia to ask her to. This show is transparent and Heather wears way too much makeup for the daytime.
Heather is being a bitch and Alexis is calmly calling her out for bullying her in Costa Rica. Heather is not going to apologize, Alexis is waiting for an apology, and this is stupid. These girls behave like high school chicks. To clarify, not the cool high school girls who were popular and cute, but rather the bitches that everyone knew would grow up to have money and dysfunctional marriages, desperate for attention.
Gretchen is talking to her Mom and I honestly find everything about Gretchen to be annoying. She is a gossiping and tasteless whore. She not only acts like a whore, but she looks like one. She is the third idiot to hook up with idiot Slade, and when she talks about Slade and his son I want to punch something. Gretchen is dumb, has no talent, is a horrible friend, and they deserve each other, but should not have a baby.
Over with Vicki, Ryan is getting ready to head off for training before going back to Afghanistan. God Bless Ryan for doing what he does, and making such massive sacrifices to ensure our lives are safe and protected. I cannot wrap my head around the life of those in the armed forces, and their families. I have nothing but respect and admiration for every single one of them and keep them all in my prayers daily. Thank you all.
It is time for the salsa party. Lydia and her husband are fabulous and I am surprised to say it because I did not get them in the beginning. In the end they are decent and kind people, who are also fun and normal. As normal as one can be this early in a reality television career. We’ll see if they remain that way, or end up like every other couple that has jumped on the train wreck of housewife fame. I wish them well and hope they survive.
Vicki and Alexis are heading to the party together. Vicki is going alone, and Jim is “working” and not coming. Good for him for sticking to his word and not shooting with these lunatics. Terry calls Brooks and invites him to come to the party. Weird. Whoever is writing this show is clearly high. Oh. My. God. Is Judy scripting the RHOC? That would be fabulous. Everyone arrives, fake kisses, and pretends to like each other. Bullshit.
Tamra brings Lauri and George, which is disgusting. Lauri is a pig and that they have brought her back pisses me off. Lauri is hideous and I hope Vicki eats her alive and drags her sorry ass back into the gutter where it belongs. Lydia is offended by Slade, welcome to the club. Lydia may be petite, but she has massive balls and I love her. She is not taking shit from anyone, especially Slade, who is a piece of garbage with no class.
Lydia says Slade is a douche, which has secured me as a fan for life. Not matter what she does down the road, I will remember that she called out his being a douche and find a way to support her. Sidebar: I forgot to mention that Terry asking Slade to compare the sexual prowess of Lauri and Gretchen, is repulsive. The men on this show are just gross and they need to step off and out, because they add nothing to show. Nothing.
Brooks arrives to surprise Vicki and brings her flowers. Stupid. Brooks is a snake and I feel sad for Vicki that she is so insecure she thinks he is great. Tamra and Brooks chat and it is dumb. Vicki and Brooks are awkward together, have nothing to say to each other, and I am bored. I am also about to run out of wine so we need to wrap this one up because if there is no wine I can’t do it. Then we jump straight into the gutter.
Lauri, the gutter pig, tells Tamra that Brooks is sleeping with a 20 something hooker/stripper. Really Lauri? Lauri is a whore, who married a pig for money, and she is going to judge Vicki? Enough. The dancing begins, the instructor is fabulous, Eddie is the only one who can dance, Alexis is dancing with the instructor, and the shoes these chicks chose to wear out dancing is hilarious. Brooks is drooling over Tamra and I have 3 sips left.
Gretchen and Slade are talking to Lydia’s husband Doug about having offended her, he is lovely in response, Lydia calls out Slade for being mean to Vicki about her looks, Gretchen is all over it, Slade is back peddling, Gretchen is speaking for Slade, Lydia is a rock star, and Gretchen is a loser. Then Lydia calls Gretchen Malibu Beach Barbie and it is official, I LOVE Lydia and it is not just because she is Canadian. I just love her.
Cut to Tamra talking about going to buy her wedding dress, for a wedding that at the time was not even happening, and she invites all the girls to join her, including Alexis, which pisses off Gretchen. Gretchen is all the things you don’t want in a friend. She tells Tamra she won’t come to dress shopping if Alexis goes. Dear Lord. I am taking my last sip and grateful it is over because even wine won’t help these chicks keep it real.
June 17, 2013 | 3:39 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Chanel is the only reason to watch this show. Sadly she has her loser friends along for the ride, and they are out of control. That these women are all about being Jewish is mortifying to anyone who is Jewish. I am Jewish and it makes me both mad and sad that these freaks are on television representing my faith. They are embarrassing.
I am watching this show and unable to believe what I am seeing. These girls are a mess and again, with the exception of Chanel who I think is truly a lovely girl, these girls make me sick. We pick up back in the Hamptons for Shabbat dinner and I am going to do a shot of tequila before I even start because I am not going to make it through without a buzz.
Casey tells Erica that she is a whore for stealing her boyfriend, who she loved, when she was 16. Ten years ago! Oh. My. God. Casey needs therapy. She is comparing Erica banging her hormone driven childhood boyfriend with her parents. Really? Casey is an idiot, Erica is a whore, and I am well on my way to getting hammered. These chicks are a hot skanky mess.
Sidebar: Casey wants us to believe that what she went through when Erica slept with her prom date is the exact same thing as her father cheating on her mother and leaving her for another woman. If I were Casey’s mom it would break my heart that my child is comparing the two. Casey is a drama queen, in need of serious therapy, and never going to find love.
Casey rejoins dinner and she is pissed, Erica rejoins dinner and she is feeling sorry for herself, and poor Chanel is trying really hard to salvage Shabbat dinner. Amanda arrives with her sexually confused boyfriend and everyone is relieved to have the attention off the tension. Jeff is a lovely and sweet man, but also an idiot, and Erica runs to tell him what is happening.
Jewish or not, this show is total crap. Chanel is trying to bless everyone with wine and challah and I love her. Erica does not think banging Casey’s boyfriend is a big deal, and Chanel is the only normal one, the only one not embarrassing Jews, and the only one I can watch without wanting to drink my own blood because I’m out of tequila. I’m switching to rum.
Erica is blubbering all over Chanel, making no sense, then we cut to the morning and she is not going out with the girls because she is hung over. Everyone else heads into town for brunch while Amanda and Jeff make out at the hotel pool. They are nauseating. Jeff is a sweet man, and if he wants to be with a woman, bless him, and Amanda is perfect for him.
Jeff and Amanda call each other Mommy and Daddy, which makes me want to shoot myself. Over to brunch, Chanel is adorable and everyone else is painful. A couple of men walk by and Chanel calls them over. The men are gross, Chanel thinks they are funny, and Casey is repulsed. Casey needs to relax or she is going to die alone with 18 cats and her paintings.
Important that all these chicks talk with their mouths full and chew with their mouths open, which grosses me out. Back at the house Erica’s boyfriend arrives. He seems like a nice guy but they only reason I can figure a man would be with this chick is because she is good in bed. By good in bed of course I mean maybe he does not know what good in bed is.
The girls go from brunch to evening cocktails in the same scene and once again the editing at Bravo makes no sense. They sit down next to a man who they think looks like Clark Kent. Really? If I take out my contacts, and shoot some heroin, this guy will still not look like Clark Kent. Ashlee is all over him and it is making my skin crawl off my body.
While Ashlee is flirting with this innocent young man, who is probably gay, Ashlee calls her dad and puts him on speaker. Chanel is telling her dad Ashlee will marry him, Ashlee is talking to her parents about a man she has known for 30 seconds, and I am blown away. Who are these people? Joey is mortified, Ashlee is hurt by Joey, Clark Kent is confused.
It is now midnight and everyone is getting ready to go out. Amanda and Erica are getting ready, peeing on camera, and everyone else is ready to go. Erica is a whiner, and a moron, and already drunk. They arrive at the club and Erica proceeds to get wasted. Chanel is dancing and is cute, it looks like all is going well until Rob tries to talk to Casey about Erica.
Erica wants to know every single word he told Casey and I am so sad for her. What a mess this chick is. The chances of any of these women getting a date, let alone married, will be a miracle. As for Chanel, I am going to fix her up because she is a lovely girl who simply needs to get some new friends. I do not think I will be able to blog this for the entire season.
It is now 2 am and Erica is falling down, and lets us know if she is going to have a baby one day she better be able to handle a fall. What? She better also be able to handle fetal alcohol syndrome. Erica is still drinking, her boyfriend is smashed and passed out, and if I think Casey should go and seduce Rob while Erica is throwing up on herself in the yard.
Then it happens. Erica has a meltdown and starts rambling about nothing, and then she takes an Adderall, and offers one to Rob, which now explains why he is with her. Erica is crying and in the throws of a nervous breakdown. Oh. My. God. Casey is a bitch while everyone else is showing a certain level of compassion. Then we see the crew walk through the house.
Erica is losing her mind to Rob, and we see the crew walking through the house in the background. Hilarious. Everyone in the house is talking about Erica needing to go to AA and it is lame. She does not need AA, she needs rehab. Rob is not surprised so clearly he knows her issues, she is now talking gibberish and I officially hate this show on an epic level.
Erica leaves early with Rob so she does not have to deal with questions on the ride home. Ashlee calls her dad to fill him in on the weekend and let him know she didn’t meet anybody. The others leave and I am exhausted. Oy vey. I will be watching next week because it is just too disgusting to turn away from, but no promises on a blog. Just keeping it real.