December 20, 2012 | 10:50 pm

Reality Television Hiatus

Posted by Ilana Angel

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I am off to London on vacation so Keeping it Real is on hiatus.  I’m not sure how I will handle the withdrawal.  Seriously.  I might need to seek medical attention to deal with it.  By medical attention of course I mean a few cocktails will be required at the exact moment my shows are airing back in Los Angeles.

I will be back in January and look forward to catching up with all of you, along with the Housewives, Shahs, and Bachelors.  That said, should LeAnn Rimes do something insane, I will blog about it from the UK.  By insane of course she is bound to have some drug/booze/laxative driven shenanigans.

I’m not singling out LeAnn of course. Bless her. Should any of the skanky fame whores I love to watch unravel do something of interest that reaches me across the pond, I will throw in my two cents.  Knowing how these people roll, I don’t imagine my hiatus will last as long as my vacation because they are all ridiculous.

Thank you for coming here everyday to read my take on the madness that is reality television, and special thanks to the Jewish Journal for allowing my opinionated and uncensored voice to be heard. Happy New Year everyone!  Be safe, be brave, be kind, be aware, and always keep it real.

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December 20, 2012 | 10:44 pm

TMZ, LeAnn Rimes & Carly Rose

Posted by Ilana Angel

Whore vs. Angel

I love celebrity news and I get most of my information from TMZ.  I have written here more than once that when it comes to the world of entertainment, you can’t believe anything you read or hear until it is confirmed by TMZ.  These people know their stuff.

In the interest of full disclosure, I totally have a crush on Harvey Levin because brilliant Jewish men are kind of my thing, but my love for Harvey has nothing to with the fact that when it comes to Hollywood and her celebrities, it ain’t true unless TMZ tells you it is.  

TMZ has been reporting about LeAnn Rimes and her appearance on X Factor this week.  Rimes sang a duet with finalist Cary Rose and if we are going to keep it real, which is what we do here, Rimes crapped all over this little girl and her dream while making a complete and total ass of herself.

Carly Rose was my personal choice to win X Factor.  I liked her from day one. She is super talented, super cute, and while her voice is mature, she still manages to be a little girl, which at 13, is important.  She may not have won, but she is going to have a career in the music industry.

Sidebar: I cannot write about Carly and not give a shout out to Britney Spears.  I freaking love this chick.  Her stint on X Factor was brilliant.  She was funny, sweet, quirky, and motherly to the kids she mentored and I hope she comes back.  Mazel Tov on a great job Ms. Spears.

Important to note that X Factor winner Tate Stevens is a great singer. From how he loves his wife, to his faith in God, and his country roots, it makes sense he would win because he is the guy next door we all pull for.  I’m happy for him, but for just a minute, let’s place blame.

LeAnn Rimes may have single handedly lost the title for Carly.  It’s ridiculous of course to think this sad and pathetic former good singer could have such power, but since it is just so much fun to write about what a mess she is, let’s assume it was all her fault and call her out on it.

LeAnn was out of control during her performance.  From her apparent belch as she tried to start the song, to what appeared to be her forgetting the lyrics to her own song, she was a hot mess.  She slurred, screeched, rambled, and seemed to hold onto Carly so she wouldn’t fall.

LeAnn Rimes is an idiot.  By my opinion of course I mean everyone’s opinion, and by idiot of course I mean she is a complete moron. Perhaps she was high, drunk, or dehydrated from too many laxatives.  Either way, she never should have even been invited to be on the show.

I hear she wants to be a judge on X Factor and I know the poor girl needs money so her husband will stay with her, but we shouldn’t be punished because she is a home wrecking whore whose douchebag husband will only stay with her as long as she has cash to support him.

LeAnn’s performance was commented on by many and the overall feeling is that she ruined the song, Carly out-sang her, and she tried to outshine a little girl who is epically more talented than she is.  LeAnn Rimes is unraveling in front of our eyes and it is fascinating.

Her PR firm told TMZ that she was not drunk or high, simply trying to help Carly sing since she could not get the notes and was nervous.  Oh no she didn’t!  Important to note that her PR morons are new and very expensive. They were brought in to help America like her.  Really?

If this is her new PR team she might want to pack it all in now.  America does not like you LeAnn, and if you think you can crap all over this little girl and not have us talk about it, you are delusional.  LeAnn of course denies she ever said anything to TMZ, but again, we can trust TMZ.

Why would TMZ lie about LeAnn Riems of all people? Rimes is so dumb that she  made a fool of herself, tried to blame a child, and is now scarmbling to fix the mess that was created by the very people she is paying to help her.  Between her lawyer and PR team, this chick is screwed. 

She has the nerve to perform wasted, ruin the moment for Carly, then blame Carly, and lie about it? LeAnn Rimes is full of crap. Figuratively of course with all the laxatives she apparently takes.  Why is nobody stepping in and telling her to simply go away until she is feeling better?

She is obviously a mess and needs some help.  Karma is a bitch and she is not only paying a visit to LeAnn, she is moving in and taking over.  Carly didn’t lose because of LeAnn, and in the end Carly will always be a winner.  Thanks to LeAnn Carly is getting more press than the winner Tate.

It’s easier to spot a whore when she is standing next to an angel. Carly Rose is an angel and I will buy her record.  LeAnn Rimes is  whorible and I will not buy her record.  At the end of the day LeAnn is on her way out, Carly is on her way to the top, and TMZ continues to keep it real.

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December 17, 2012 | 11:24 pm

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Shut Up Faye

Posted by Ilana Angel

Joe Pugliese/Bravo © NBC Universal, Inc.

I didn’t get a chance to blog teh show last week and feel bad skipping ahead so here is a breakdown of last week.  By breakdown of course I mean a list of five things worth mentioning.  Important to note that finding five things was hard because this show is dragging her ass along in a very boring way.

Review of last week:

1. Kyle gives her daughter a fancy shmancy car for her 16th birthday but does not want us to think she is pretentious.  Kyle is a pig and every time she says she was born and raised in Beverly Hills I laugh because she was not born or raised in Beverly Hills.  Kyle is a fame whore who used her daughter getting a car as a way to plug her husband's business.

2.  Brandi meets with her book agent. Lisa plugs her new show.  Brandi has a scripted call with Lisa. Kim appears to be hammered.  Kim slams Kyle. Brandi drops some kind of bomb about Adrienne. Adrienne says she is not friends with Brandi. Paul has a hairy back. Kyle pushes for her husband to have a spin off about his new agency. Mauricio brags about how rich he is.

Sidebar:  Oh. My. God. We are 33 minutes in and NOTHING interesting has happened. NOTHING.

3.  Ken has hip surgery and Lisa is more stressed than him.  She is lovely, he is charming, I love them both, and their love is enviable.  Ken is fine, Lisa is relieved, and life goes on.

4.  Kim runs to Adrienne and tells Adrienne and Paul what Brandi said about her.  Adrienne has a guilty laugh, Paul gets pissed off, and all hell breaks loose.  Kim is clearly not following her 12 steps and Adrienne is ready to sue. We don’t know what the secret is so it is all very silly.  Kim is a troublemaker, Paul is a dumbass, and Adrienne is a troll.

5.  Paul gets up in Brandi’s face and threatens her, which is just gross.  Paul and Adrienne are attacking Brandi, and Kyle makes it all about her.  Paul is offended Brandi called Adrienne a bitch, seconds after he calls her a bitch repeatedly.  Taylor tries to make it all about her.  Adrienne calls Brandi a crack head, and so the pathetic train wreck go on.

Moving on to this week……

Adrienne and Paul leave and Taylor tries to make it all about Paul wanting to abuse Brandi and it is hilarious.  This pathetic husband killer wants to make it all about her and I’m laughing.  Kyle tells Kim she was out of line telling them at Mauricio’s event, and Kim could care less.  Kyle says she was going to tell Adrienne, just not at the party.  Kyle is a liar.

Kim appears to be all about hurting Kyle, Kyle is all about throwing Kim under the bus, and Camille has a lot of airtime for someone not on the show anymore.   Taylor is with some yes guy who is annoying, and Brandi appears to be in shock.  Kyle cries because she is not the center of attention, and Taylor again tries to make it all about her not killing her husband.

Lisa is nursing Ken back to health and he is milking it, which is all quite funny. Kim is going to Vegas, which is exactly where an alcoholic with five minutes of sobriety should go.  Kyle is talking to Mauricio who says he thinks Brandi is disgusting.  Really?  Look at your wife Sparky.  She is disgusting and you are using this show to make yourself a big shot.  Enough already.

Just when I think Kyle is totally gross, she manages to get even grosser. She is out for lunch with Faye Resnick.  For those of you who don’t know who Faye is, she used the tragic murder of her friend Nicole Brown Simpson as a tool to make herself some money.  She danced on her grave to seek fame for herself and I have no respect for her.  Faye who?

Everything about Faye Resnick is offensive to me.  She reminds me of a stupid monkey who eats her own poop.  Now, before people make this a racist comment, pick any animal that eats it’s own crap if you are offended by my comparing her to a monkey.  She has no moral compass, has sold her soul to the devil, and should not be on this show.

We see Yolanda working out with her trainer and I have to wonder why she bothered to be on this show if we were only going to see her for a couple of minutes here and there.  She is not into it, we are not into her, so she should cut her losses and bail.  I’m sure she thought it would be fun, which could have been clarified if she had just watched last season.  It is not fun.

Kyle is having the girls over for a dinner party to celebrate her dining room being done.  We meet Marisa Zanack who is quite pretty but in a rather unfortunate dress.  Kyle goes on and on about how Marisa is Hollywood royalty but come on.  She married into the Zanuck family and is not part of the history.  Kyle is pathetic and I honestly cannot stand her.

That said, I like Marisa and would like to see more of her. Brandi arrives and it is sad that everyone hates on her.  She is tall and beautiful and the trolls are jealous.  All the talk from Kyle about her new dining room and we see it for a second.  Kyle was about getting airtime, not showing off her home.  Kyle is so into fame and money that is beyond unattractive.

Kyle says Kim did not come because of her son’s birthday and it is revealed that Kyle was not invited.  Kim is on a mission to hurt her sister and I hope more of that is revealed.   Adrienne did not come and Faye says she spoke to her and she is hurt. Then the conversation turns to what the fight is all about between Brandi and Adrienne.   I’m on Team Brandi for this one.

Faye is criticizing Brandi and Brandi is not going to engage her because she does not know Faye, and it is none of her business.  Kyle tries to be the nice one and it is lame because she is a bitch.  Brandi is trying to be kind and Faye is all over her like white on rice.  Faye is there to do the dirty work for Kyle so she is clean.  Kyle is an idiot and Faye is a troll.

Faye is a hot mess.  By hot mess of course I mean she is willing to do anything Kyle tells her to do in order to be on the show, including being her talking piece.  It is another gang up on Brandi dinner and I am over it.  Kyle and Faye want her to send Adrienne flowers to say sorry.  Really?  Sorry for what? Paul should be sending Brandi flowers for being a douchebag.

Marisa is on Brandi’s side too and I like her for speaking up for someone she does not know.  Faye then goes off on Brandi and I am laughing because this woman is a bitch, and a pig, and she needs to shut up.  Honestly it was such a bad call for Bravo to employ this horrible woman.  She is going to suck the life out of it, but if we are lucky Marisa will breathe some life back in.

I am going to be out of the country for the next two weeks and will miss the show, which is a drag.  I will read other blogs, and rely on my Twitter people to fill me in.  Don’t leave out anything important and don’t hold back.  Just as you read my blog because you know I am going to be honest and share my truth, I will be expecting you to watch and keep it real!

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December 17, 2012 | 7:15 pm

Real Housewives of Atlanta: Dreams & Delusions

Posted by Ilana Angel

We are still in Anguilla with the ladies and their men and my oh my crazy is a coming!  I think Kenya is very odd.  By odd of course I mean I think she is danger to herself and to others.  That said, this chick has made it fun to blog about the housewives again because she is a certifiable loon.

This week starts out with Kenya asking Phaedra which of her friends she would let her husband sleep as a gift.  Oh. My. God.  Phaedra’s head is actually lifting up off of her body and it is hilarious.  The southern belle is about to lose her mind and it is classic. Ms. Phaedra is not having it.

Phaedra is the only one who seems offended.  Cynthia wants it to blow up, tries to suck Porsha into the drama, but Phaedra keeps it classy.  Kenya apologizes to Phaedra, Phaedra suggests Kenya put ice in her panties, and NeNe questions the authenticity of Kenya’s relationship.

Everyone has regrouped for dinner and Porsha tells Cynthia that Kenya was grinding up on Peter when they were dancing.  Cynthia blows it off and Porsha is starting to share her opinions.  About everything.  I’ve said it before and I will ay it again,  Porsha is the black Melissa Gorga.

Peter tells the men he is going to surprise Cynthia with a vow renewal, and has all of them secretly tell their women so Cynthia will be surprised.  I’m happy for him.  He’s been raked through the coals by a lot of people, myself included, so good for him for making it work.

The talk goes to sex and how it is a requirement on a romantic island get away.  Everyone is talking about the “third shift” and I have no idea what they are talking about.  If anyone can share what that is, please do.  Walter and Kenya go off on their own, and everyone talks about them.

Kenya thinks Walter is taking her off to propose and I have to wonder what exactly is wrong with her.  She is crazy.  Not normal girl in love crazy, but boil a bunny and cut herself crazy.  It’s good television to be sure, but there is something quite scary about this woman.

Walter tells Kenya about the surprise ceremony for Peter and Cynthia and it is perfect.  She is disappointed and unable to hide her desperation.  More than disappointed however, she is pissed off.  Cut to the next morning and NeNe is with Kenya getting their hair done for the ceremony.

Nene is certain Walter is not into Kenya and she is not letting it go.  Porsha turns up and Nene reminds them they don’t like each other.  I love NeNe. Love her.  Porsha tells NeNe she does not care about Kenya and she is letting it all go.  Porsha is just waiting on Kenya to lose her mind.

The women are off to a spa.  All the ladies strip down and jump up on massage tables, except for Nene who gets on completely dressed. Hilarious.  She takes off her pants and bra and calls it out as BS.  I want to hang out with Nene.  By hang out of course I mean be her best friend.

They get to talking about weddings and Kenya has lost her mind.  She says she and Walter may elope and have a reception in Atlanta.  NeNe is not buying it and calls her out for having a fake relationship.  NeNe is not afraid to say anything and Kenya is annoyed by it and defends herself.

Interesting that Kenya is not willing to take on NeNe.  Ms. Kenya goes on and on about how great her relationship is and NeNe goes on and on about how its not a relationship.  Sidebar:  Kenya has the vocabulary of a drunken sailor and her dropping of the F bomb is really not that cute.

They are all at the “White Party” which is code for the secret vow renewal. Cynthia has no idea, Peter is on the beach crying, and I find myself getting caught up in the romance of it all.  Cynthia is not even on the beach yet and I’m getting emotional.  It is very sweet and I’m excited.

Cynthia is handed a bouquet and she asks why the others did not get flowers. Peter explains to Cynthia what is going on and it is wonderful.  She is shocked, he is relieved, and everyone is pulled into the love.  Phaedra calls Peter a black angel and I am dying.  I love me some Phaedra.

Peter starts crying as he explains to Cynthia he wanted to give her the wedding she always wanted.  She looks gorgeous and I am now full out crying.  It’s just Peter and Cynthia, under a canopy, surrounded by the other four couples, and everyone is crying and happy.

Nene catches Cynthia’s bouquet and Greg loses his mind.  NeNe lets us know they are not getting married. Yet.  Kenya tells us she is happy for Cynthia, but sad she is not getting married.  I wonder if they are going to have bunny for dinner.  Kenya should not be around knives.

The couples release wish lanterns and it is spectacular looking.  NeNe and Greg’s flies off, along with Porsha’s, Phaedra’s, and Cynthia’s.  Kandi’s crashes and Kenya’s never even gets off of the ground.  God works in mysterious ways.  He is funny sometimes.

Cynthia telling the camera what the day meant to her is lovely and the music in the background made me cry again.  Damn you Bravo.  I am feeling all warm and fuzzy, then they ruin it with some home video of Kandi talking about getting laid in the hot tub.  Bravo ruins everything.

It is now the next day and the women are together and talking about the vow renewal.  Kandi is in bed so we have Porsha, Kenya, NeNe, Cynthia, and Phaedra.  Porsha tells the group she has been pleasantly surprised by how lovely Kenya is being, seeing as they got off on the wrong foot.

NeNe, in classic drama stirring moves, asks Porsha what happened with them.  Porsha explains her side of the story which is weird because who cares?  Porsha is slamming Kenya, who  is not having it.  Kenya wants to let it go and not start drama, but Porsha is pushing.

In a split second they lose their minds and Kenya starts with the cussing. Porsha pulls the age card calling Kenya ancient and it is on.  Porsha tells Kenya not to call her a bitch and Kenya starts screaming bitch, bitch, bitch. They are being insanely mean to each other and it is shocking.

By shocking of course I mean confusing, and by confusing of course I mean for a minute I thought Sheree was there.  It was classic Sheree and I can’t help but wonder how great this scene would have been had Sheree been there defending the older set.  Poor unemployed Sheree.

Porsha is the instigator and she is at fault if you ask me.  She is threatening to sue Kenya and taunting her to hit her.  I’m thinking I’m on Kenya’s side on this fight.  The one-liners are hilarious and Kenya may be crazy, but she sure is funny.  No good can come of this and that is exciting.

NeNe defuses the situation and ends the fight.  Sort of.  NeNe talks to Porsha, then heads back to Kenya.  Kenya tells us she is magic and Porsha is jealous because he does not have any magic.  She then tells us she is a good Christian.  Dear Lord.  She might want to skip the faith card.

Kenya is telling Nene and Phaedra that she is fabulous.  She insists she is “Gone With The Wind Fabulous” which made me spit out my wine.  She is still around after years in the business, which would be worth mentioning if any anyone knew who in the hell this woman was.

This week allowed us to share in the dreams of some, while watching the delusions of others from a front row seat.  I understand the lure of fame and fortune, but I'm not sure it is worth another 15 minutes of fame to put yourslef out there like Kenya has.  She needs help.

I am fascinated by these women and will say this show is better without Kim on it.  I almost feel bad for Kenya because she is clearly not well, but she has really spiced up this show.  I will be out of the country for the next two weeks but will catch up when I return so until then, keep it real!

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December 10, 2012 | 8:55 am

Real Housewives of Atlanta – Crazy Takes a Road Trip

Posted by Ilana Angel

Cray Cray Kenya

This week starts with Kim leaving the Real Housewives of Atlanta in the same way she came in, with a filthy mouth and lies.  This woman is trash and I am relieved she is gone.  It was scripted of course, and lame, but there it was.  Her husband was conveniently waiting for her outside and starts cussing like a sailor.  By a sailor of course I mean his wife.

Kim is out, Troy threatens a lawsuit, and she rides off on her broom.  Back at the table the other ladies talk about her and how they all lost money to go on the trip that Kim just bailed on.  Kim is a troll, a liar, and added nothing to but an element of southern whore.  That she is getting yet another show on her own is crazy, and I will not be watching it.

The women are all glad she is gone, Cynthia makes a jab at Kenya having no kids, and the topic turns to Kenya and her boyfriend.  Kandi says she knows Walter, but does not mention he asked her out.  Kenya has flashes of insanity in her eyes, and you just know this woman is going to implode.  NeNe is television perfection and the only reason to watch.

Over at Kandi’s she is talking to her mom and I am bored.  It’s the exact same conversation she just had with the ladies, so why did we need to hear it all again?  I’m over it.  Jump to Cynthia, and she is having dinner with Peter, Porsha and her husband.  Problem is her husband bails and it’s Peter and the girls.  Porsha reminds me so much of Melissa Gorga.

Peter has a man crush on Porsha’s hubby and it’s weird.  He is drooling over him and he is not even there.  Cynthia tells Porsha they are going to Anguilla and Kenya invited herself, which leads to Peter inviting Porsha, so that he can pretend he is best friends with the big football star.  Cynthia is thrilled because she knows it will put Kenya over the edge.

Everyone is arriving to the airport and it’s sad.  These women are fake and their travelling outfits are ridiculous.  Peter is obviously in love with Kordell and it would be cute if Peter weren’t so sleazy.  Kenya arrives and ignores Porsha.  Funny.  Kandi arrives alone and is then surprised by her boyfriend who said he could not go. NeNe and Phaedra also arrive.

Crazy is about to take a road trip and it’s going to be good.  These housewives trips are always entertaining because crazy is much more fun on the road.  They arrive on the island and get on a boat for the ride to their hotel.  Kenya decides to drive the boat and she goes nuts.  She really is disturbed and needs some serious psychiatric attention.

Kenya is convinced Walter is going to propose to her on the trip. Really? Kenya is delusional.  She is pushing and hinting to a man to marry her and the man obviously does not even like her that much.   He is looking for 15 minutes of fame, not a lifetime of crazy.  Phaedra quotes the good book and it just does not get any better than that.  Phaedra is hilarious.

They arrive to the amazing house and the fight for the best room is on.  NeNe is given a killer master with a divine bathroom, then Kenya gets a smaller room with no bathtub.  She is pissed off and makes it known.  She is selfish, rude, and offensive.  That girl might cut a bitch if she doesn’t get a better room.  She is fake crying and it is not cute.

Walter asks her if she took her medicine and I’m dying to know what it is. Kenya is taking crazy pills and I love it that Walter, the man who she is begging to marry her, is the one to out her.  Phaedra and Apollo have a nice room and Apollo wants to go in the hot tub.  Phaedra is concerned for her vagina and they call her doctor to get hot tub clearance.

Dear Lord, this show is lame.  They scripted 5 minutes around Phaedra’s vagina?  Desperate times call for desperate measures.  Phaedra and Apollo are cute, and frankly I would watch a show with her over Kim any day. Over with Peter and Cynthia, we are now asked to watch endless minutes of them talking about having sex.  This show is icky.

Everyone is dressed for dinner, yet Apollo is in his swim trunks and is going to take a swim?  Walter is in the pool, and then Kenta pushes Apollo in.  Phaedra is pissed off and Kenya is off the chain.  Apollo gets out of the pool, grabs Kenya, lifts her up and jumps in the pool with her.  Walter is disgusted, Phaedra is disgusted, and Kenya is disturbed.

Everyone gathers for breakfast and Phaedra shows up naked.  She is wearing a thong, covered with a piece of string.  God Bless her.  She is staking her territory and letting Kenya know to keep her hands off her man.  NeNe is fabulous and she does not disappoint in the entertainment department.  The couples break off to spend time together.

Kenya and Walter are on the beach and she is begging him to marry her and propose on the trip.  Oh. My. God.  She says they should get married there and he starts choking.  It truly is uncomfortable to watch and I am mortified for her.  She is a mess and someone needs to tie her up.  Kandi and her man are out for a drink and again, it is shameful.

Bravo is desperate to make these women interesting.  Kandi is the sex toy queen, yet acts coy about sexually explicit drink names.  It’s stupid.  Her boyfriend seems lovely and I am happy for her, but the best thing she can do for herself is get the hell off of this show.  She is a successful woman and this show makes her seem silly.

As a thank you to Peter and Cynthia for arranging the trip, Phaedra plans a surprise performance.  Seriously?  Phaedra, Peter and Cynthia had absolutely nothing to do with setting up this trip.  This is all Bravo all the time and that they pretend to be responsible for it is funny.  By funny of course I mean I have no idea why I bother to watch anymore.

They start dancing and NeNe is channeling her former stripper self which is fabulous.  Kenya tries to make out with Peter and both Phaedra and me are offended.  Kenya is flirting with anyone who owns a penis and it is gross. This girl is begging Walter to marry her then throwing herself at every man that passes by.  Did Bravo do psychological testing on Kenya?

Kenya asks Phaedra if she was going to let her husband sleep with one of her friends, who would it be.  It is on.  Next week the fight will blow up, Kandi will get married, and NeNe will stand out as the only normal one in a see of crazy.  Bravo is scraping the bottom of the barrel and NeNe can only save this show for so long. Thank God she keeps it real.

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December 9, 2012 | 11:47 pm

LeAnn Rimes + Giuliana Rancic = Garbage

Posted by Ilana Angel

Dumb & Dumber

Someone at E! must owe Giuliana Rancic a huge favor to have green lit an hour long special on LeAnn Rimes.  Rimes is not interesting and Guiliana kissing her ass for an hour is embarrassing.  I watched this show because I was curious about how many lies this woman would tell, and to see how far Rancic would go to kill any journalistic credibility she may have had.

When Rancic opened the show by describing Rimes as one the most talented entertainers of our generation, I knew we were in for an hour long crap fest. Rancic is 5 minutes in and kissing the boney ass of Rimes.  How can we take her seriously when she says they are friends?  Clearly she is trying to help her friend get out of the hole she has dug for herself by being herself.

The fake and pathetic interview starts with the affair of LeAnn and Eddie Cibrian.  LeAnn laughs at the mention of it and it is quite creepy.  She does not seem to be remorseful or even embarrassed.  She says the stress of being caught in the affair is what caused her to lose so much weight.  By stress of course she means an alleged addiction to laxatives.

Both Rancic and Rimes refer to LeAnn as “America’s Sweetheart” and it makes me laugh.  Are they kidding?  Rimes was never America’s Sweetheart.  That title is reserved for the likes of Shirley Temple, Judy Garland, or Julia Roberts, not Rimes who was a great singer, a long time ago, for a short time. Just because she started as a kid does not make her beloved.

She speaks of her stolen childhood and how it has led to her having intense and deep therapy.  She tells us she was crying uncontrollably and depressed, which made her get help.  I am so sick of hearing this woman complain about her childhood.  She was a talented kid, who was blessed to find success, and she needs to stop whining about how hard it all was.

She says the decision to be a singer was made at age 5, and that even though she said nobody pushed her, she says now that they did.  She says she pushed herself and the contradictions start to pile up.  As Rancic reviews her career, we are reminded of exactly how talented she is, and the amazing career she had before becoming a home wrecking slut bag.

When Rancic says people don’t really know who Rimes is, she says she does not even know who she is.  Blah. Blah. Blah.  Who scripted this for her? What a load of crap.  She then talks about how child stars have a life nobody else understands and I am wondering how it is possible this woman is worth an hour of primetime television.  There is nothing appealing about her.

She speaks of her stepsons as her “bonus” sons and I find myself liking her even less.  She has no idea how idiotic and stupid she sounds and you have to wonder exactly how much she pays Eddie to allow him to sit back and say nothing when she speaks in such an ignorant way.  They are not her bonus anything. They are her husband’s kids and she is disrespectful.

Rimes talks about her first marriage to her backup dancer.  She was 19, he was 21, and she says now she was too young.  She says their marriage was more about friendship than love and I think it is disgusting for her to think we will believe her marriage was falling apart, which led to the affair.  Does she think she is less of a whore if we think her marriage was over?

She was married for eight years and was trying to make it work, but then she met Eddie.  She says they are soul mates, but also connected on a business level. Seriously funny. She says part of their chemistry is also because they are both only children.  LeAnn Rimes is a moron and Rancic is putting words in her mouth.  They are friends because they are both stupid and don't eat.

Then the crying starts and stops in the blink of an eye.  Her hand movements are distracting and she has never felt hurt and love so deeply.  She talks about how a song on her new record was an apology to her ex-husband.  He asked her who the song was about she could not tell him, though it pained her to lie.  Really?  She is a pathological lair so why was it so hard?

LeAnn says she does not like the term home wrecker.  She thinks someone should come up with a new term for her.  How about “Slut Banging Other Chick’s Husbands” or “SBBOCH”.  LeAnn Rimes is a SBBOCH.  I like it!  She wants Eddie’s ex-wife Brandi to be happy and I’m laughing.  Then her husband shows up and lets be honest, he really is divine looking.

He is perfection in the looks department and I don’t get how she landed him. I mean I get that she bought him, in much the same way that a desperate and lonely old woman buys a gigolo, but still, he really traded down when he went from Brandi to LeAnn.  He may not have to work, but he needs to wake up to that each day, knowing his kids will one day hate her.  Big risk.

When asked about the Twitter bullying and her lawsuit, she says it’s not a big deal and she has bigger things going on in her life.  Is she serious?  It is the biggest thing going on in the lives of the people she is suing.  What a bitchy comment.  Drop the lawsuit if it is not a big deal.  This woman is crazy and I am embarrassed for her.  This interview did her no good.

I will not buy her album.  I think she is an amazing singer, but for her to make money on the heartache of others is gross to me.  This chick gets me worked up and I find myself wanting to sit down with her and tell her exactly what people think about her because I honestly believe she has no clue.  LeAnn needs a dose of reality from someone who could not care less.

Sidebar: Did anyone else think it was interesting that all the photos LeAnn used to show how happy her family is were taking by the Paparazzi?  It's so odd that she speaks of how reality TV is bad for her husband's kids, but she puts them on TV, online, and Twitter constantly.  HS eis using those kids for publicity and to cause pain to a mother, just for sport.

The only thing we learned in the interview is that Giuliana Rancic is not a journalist as much as she is an ass kissing fame whore. It was made very clear that LeAnn Rimes is delusional and needs someone, anyone, to tell her the truth.  I actually feel sorry for her and suggest she get a new PR team because this hour did nothing good for her career or reputation.

If LeAnn Rimes wants people to take her seriously when she says she is happy and moving on with her life, then she needs to drop the Twitter lawsuits, and issue a public apology to Brandi Glanville for crossing the line in terms of her behavior with Eddie’s kids.  Then and only then will people be able to take her seriously and believe she is keeping it real.

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December 6, 2012 | 9:18 am

What Happened to Eddie Cibrian?

Posted by Ilana Angel

Eddie Cibrian

I have been writing and tweeting a lot about LeAnn Rimes lately.  I am so completely disgusted by her making epic step-parenting mistakes, and choosing to talk about them in the press and to anyone who will listen, that I can’t help but write about her.  The desperate and pathetic attempts to make the ex-wife of her husband hurt, is truly fascinating.  By fascinating of course I mean sociopathic.  I believe this woman is mentally unstable.

The fact is that LeAnn has been screwed up since she was a little kid. To be clear, I think she has a remarkable voice and I am not speaking of her talent. I am speaking of her as a human being.  She is not well, and the truth is she has had issues for as long as she has been in the public eye.  I know she likes to blame her lost childhood for everything bad that happens to her, but in reality this woman is simply and obviously a crazy person.

One could argue she is learning impaired, which I think is true, but how does one explain the choices of her husband, Eddie Cibrian?  This man is not only dealing with the fact that his career has tanked since marrying this woman, but he has lost his ability to make good choices when it comes to his children.  He is more concerned with his sugar momma than his two young kids which is sad.

Important to note that my son has a stepmother and her behavior in the beginning of their relationship and marriage mirrors a lot of LeAnn’s behavior.  She was young, had no children of her own, and thought that marrying a man with a kid automatically made her a mother.  It does not work that way.  There was nothing maternal about her and she wanted to be respected as a co-parent without having earned it from me.

She may not have known what she was doing in terms of raising a child, but she knew exactly what she was doing when it came to hurting me and pissing me off.  There are things that should not be said or done by a stepmother, and this woman said and did them all.  I often wondered if her hate for me was more powerful than her love of my son.  To be clear, she loves him, just not enough to respect the woman who is his mother.

To be honest, on some levels I feel for her.  She married a man who had been married before, had a child with a woman that was not her, and is reminded every single day that I am the one and only mother of our son.  I have been divorced for 16 years and I am not bitter, jealous or angry.  What I am however, is the focus of bitterness, jealousy, and anger of a woman who is desperate to establish her role as a mother.

While infidelity did not play a role in the end of my marriage, his remarriage played a huge role in the end of our friendship, and the ability to coparent together.  It was only when they married, and she realized I would always be what she never was, that her desire to establish herself as more important than me ate away his balls until he was left with none, and she became the spokesperson for their family.

My situation with this woman is less about her than it is about my ex-husband.  He has put the needs, feelings, and emotions of this woman ahead of the best interest of his child.  He allows a woman who has no legal say about my child to make decisions about the care, wellbeing, and safety of our son. He values her opinion over mine and while I appreciate they have a family, they don’t understand that I am a part of it.

Divorce sucks ass. Whether there is infidelity, abuse, boredom, or simply irreconcilable differences, divorce is painful and sad.  In the case of Eddie and his ex-wife Brandi Glanville, it would appear that Brandi can still remember a time when they loved each other, whereas Eddie does not seem to remember it at all.  Eddie has moved on, we get it, but is disrespecting the mother of his children really the way to go?

Money makes people do crazy things and the fact that LeAnn supports Eddie is clearly powerful, but at what point does money become more important than having balls? How is it that supporting the woman who gave you children, takes a back seat to the woman who is openly and aggressively putting your children in harms way?  LeAnn is being driven by insecurity and Eddie is sitting in the front seat enjoying the ride.

The attacks of LeAnn on Brandi are relentless yet Eddie says nothing.  I get he has moved on, and is building a life with a new woman.  I also get that she probably loves those kids, but she is unstable, unsafe, and unwilling to grow up.  Eddie seems to have forgotten that Brandi has done nothing wrong. While she has not handled every passive aggressive and direct attack of LeAnn in the best way, she is not the enemy.

Eddie cheated on his wife, with several women, and LeAnn was the only one who stuck.  She was the only who was willing to marry a man who has a habit of banging chicks other than his wife.  Eddie Cibrian is a Douchelord. He is the King of the douchebags.  He is a pig, idiot, cheater, and a pussy.  He is living his life in the public eye with no balls, other than the ball and chain that has surgically attached herself to Twitter.

What happened to Eddie Cibrian?  He is undoubtedly one of the best looking men on the planet, a talented actor, and he makes beautiful babies. It’s almost as if he is settling for LeAnn because he can’t be bothered to work. I’m sure she takes care of him and dotes on him, which she should. She is rather unfortunate looking and so the insecurity she must feel to be with someone so attractive must be quite difficult.

What I wonder about is why Eddie does not say anything about her behavior?  He should support his wife, but he also needs to take control of a situation that is going to end badly.  He is not going to be married to her forever so why take so many risks with a woman that is hell bent on hurting the mother of his children?  Why is he not telling her to quit Twitter?  Or at least telling the world he does not condone her tweets?

He cheated, his wife left him, he moved on.  Why punish Brandi? Why even mention Brandi?  LeAnn likes to talk about how happy she is and how perfect her marriage is, yet she constantly drags Brandi onto her life.  Her entire new album is about how she ruined a family so she is using Brandi now to sell records.  LeAnn is trying to be Brandi and since Eddie says nothing, one can only assume that Eddie wants LeAnn to be more like Brandi.

If you had a thousand divorced women who are dealing with stepmothers to their children, write the top ten things their exes and the new wives do to annoy and hurt them, I’m guessing every list would be the same.  There is nothing special about Eddie and LeAnn.  They are disgusting, making bad choices, and impacting their children in ways what may not be clear now, but will come back to bite them in the ass one day soon.

Respect is earned and the key to having respect for your ex-wife and the role she has as the only mother to your children, is to remember that you once loved her.  If men could simply remember what that love was, they would be able to man up and grab hold of their balls, rather than let the new wife hold onto them so tightly.  LeAnn is publicly castrating her husband. For Eddie I guess money trumps balls.  Such a shame.

I despise LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian.  I don’t know them of course, but they represent the pain and hurt of my own divorce, and the ongoing struggles I have with the woman who is now co-parenting my child.  She is not his mother, but he is in her home, she is a parent figure, and like it or not, she is helping to raise my child.  I am grateful that she loves my son, but I hate her for not acknowledging my role in his upbringing.

In the almost 17 years that I have been a mother, my ex-husband has never once told me I am a good mom.  He does however, on a very regular basis, tell me that his wife is a phenomenal mother to our child.  That this woman, who fights so hard to be considered a parent to my son, has not had the decency or kindness to tell me she respects my role says a lot about her.  In the end what I think of them is irrelevant.

My son has formed his own opinions of his parents over the course of his life.  We are all doing the best we can, and while mistakes are made, I have the respect of my child and that means everything.  To Brandi, the same will be said of your children. Women will read your book, nod in agreement, and take comfort in knowing they are not alone.  To LeAnn, you need an intervention and God willing that will happen before you put these children in harms way again. 

To Eddie, you are an asshole and nothing will ever change that opinion.  You cheated on your wife and allowed your penis to ruin lives.  You are also a douchelord, but that can be corrected.  Man up, ball up, and tell your wife to shut the F up.  Put the safety of your children first and try to remember the time when you loved Brandi.  If you take charge and stop being whipped by LeAnn's wallet, you will be better off and more importantly, your children will be better off.

The public will eventaully forget you cheated and they will forget about  LeAnn.  You will work and make your own money, and perhaps one day you and Brandi will be friends.  These things are all unknowns of course, but what is certain is that your choices now will impact how your sons view you when they are older.  That should be enough to make you take a stand and do the right thing.  At this rate losing their respect is inevitable so make some changes and start keeping it real.

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December 3, 2012 | 8:22 pm

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Get Hammered

Posted by Ilana Angel

Joe Pugliese/Bravo © NBC Universal, Inc.

We are still in Ojai and dinner is turning ugly.  Brandi is having a lovely conversation with Kim and Adrienne decides to crap all over it.  Cut to Taylor telling the camera that Brandi is toxic.  Really?  Taylor kills people and thinks she can call people toxic?  Taylor Armstrong is a disgusting human being and she needs to, if I may steal the words from Brandi, STFU.

If you feel bad for someone you ask how they are, you don’t cackle like a chicken that she is crying.  Kim loses it and goes to the bathroom, and Brandi goes with her.  Kyle says Brandi was wrong, Adrienne is offended, and Lisa is telling them it is not a big deal.  Kyle says Lisa shouldn’t defend Brandi and we are reminded that these women are not entertaining.

Kyle is picking a fight with Lisa and it is hilarious.  Kyle is a bitch and Adrienne is a moron.  Adrienne says its rude to talk to another woman that way.  Really?  These women are dumb.  Taylor and Yolanda go to the bathroom with Kim while the others talk about the fact there is something wrong with Brandi.  I guess normal is wrong.

Kyle does not understand why Lisa is not upset with Brandi.  Really?  Shut the F up Kyle.  You are an idiot.  Kim is upset Brandi called her a crack whore, Brandi apologizes for saying it, Kim and Brandi hug, Lisa goes in to lecture Brandi and tell her she needs to apologize to Adrienne.  Brandi is not sorry and Lisa tells her to fake it.  I love Lisa and I love Brandi.

Brandi tells Adrienne she is sorry for dropping the F bomb, Adrienne accepts, Brandi announces her book deal and Taylor is pissed.  Kyle explains that Brandi attacked Taylor for her book and should not be surprised Taylor is not happy for her.  Kyle is hideous.  I love the word hideous in terms of some of the housewives.  By some of course I mean most.

Taylor says Brandi’s husband cheating and leaving her is not enough for a book.  A book about your husband dying and no mention of that fact that you killed him, is not enough for a book you idiot.  Taylor Armstrong is a maniac and she should be in prison not at dinner.  FYI: Brandi kicked Eddie out he did not leave you stupid dumbass.  STFU Taylor.

Taylor is pissed off because killing her husband left her in financial turmoil and she is angry that Brandi got a book deal.  Yolanda is mortified by their behavior and is rather judgmental.  I guess she forget she was a nightmare with her daughter’s modeling.  People in glass houses should not throw stones Mrs. Foster.  You are all mortifying.

Camille lets us know she is taking it slow with her gorgeous boyfriend, and Yolanda shares that jewelry is overrate.  Um, no its not.    Some girls are off for a hike, Lisa and Brandi are still in bed comparing snoring, and its a little slow moving.  Lisa is advising Brandi, Brandi is holding tough, and I’m pouring my second glass of wine in 36 minutes.

Brandi tells us Adrienne and Paul wanted her to tweet she didn’t mean what she said and she refused.  Why?  Because, “I am not your puppet, bitch.” Will I be getting that printed on a t-shirt?  YES I WILL.  The girls are off to play badminton and I’m folding laundry just to keep myself awake during the pathetic excuse for TV that Bravo is giving me.

They are chasing each other in golf carts and I am fast-forwarding over it. Kyle and Taylor have camera time and I am not interested in anything these two losers say so I’m skipping ahead and focusing on my laundry.  Important to note however, that Kyle’s outfit is horrific and she looks like a total idiot. Not hard for her but still, total idiot.

The women are all at the spa to get pampered.  The girls are covering themselves in mud and it looks fabulous.  Adrienne says being naked with women is not relaxing, Yolanda says it all feels very lesbian-ish, and Kim is moaning as if the mud is somehow servicing her.  It’s all very strange. Are any of these women having sex?

Yolanda starts a towel fight, and Kyle wants everyone to stop talking for a minute. You shut up Kyle.  In the midst of their silence Yolanda throws a pitcher of cold water on Kyle and I am loving me some Yolanda.  These women have moments of greatness when they are in small groups, but get them all together and they suck the joy out of this show.

Everyone is at dinner and the chef comes out to talk as if anyone watching the show will actually go visit based on seeing this episode.  Dear Lord I’m bored. That rhymed.  It is the wine.  Blah, blah, blah.  They are talking about wine, nobody is listening, and we are hearing about why Yolanda is not drinking.  She broke her back during childbirth.

Sad.  However, to help ease her pain, she is having lamb embryo injected into her body.  Dear Lord.  Brandi asks how people had their babies and Camille is left out because she didn’t give birth to her kids.  And then it happens, Brandi calls someone "Kitty Cat”.  I’ve been waiting!  When I interviewed Brandi she said Kitty Cat and I loved it.

The ladies are back at the house and getting hammered so Yolanda excuses herself and goes to bed.    Kim excuses herself because she is a drunk in recovery and can’t be around the lushes.  She’s probably drinking in her room. Bless her.  She seems drunk in all of her one-on-one camera shots and I hope that’s just me being mean.  I want her to be well.

The girls are now wasted.  Brandi challenges Taylor to an arm-wrestle and they start with a kiss.  Really?  They are now wrestling and pulling hair, but in what Yolanda would call a total lesbian way.  Kyle is confused, probably because she is so dumb.  Lisa thinks the wrestling is a chance for Brandi to kick some bitch ass and Adrienne is up next.

They are doing gymnastics, acting ridiculous, sharing underwear, fake laughing, and having an overall great time.  They are pounding on the floor to wake up Yolanda and you know she is going to be pissed in the morning.  Kim is having a lame conversation with her fake sister and it’s pathetic.  I like Kim and think Kyle is a back stabbing bitch.

Yolanda tells the women they are cute and that while they slept in from their drunken debauchery, she woke up early and worked out.  She then states nothing is more unattractive than women getting drunk.  I’m back to thinking Yolanda is a pretentious stick in the mud.  Everyone is packing and they are heading back to Beverly Hills.

Camille congratulates Kim on her sobriety and it’s sad that they chose to celebrate her accomplishment by getting hammered.  That is real friendship..  They are heading home and Lisa is over Kyle trying to imitate her accent.  Lisa does an awesome American accent.  I like Lisa.  I did not get her in the beginning, but now I do and she is classy and real.

Kyle is hashing up the STFU dinner comment and seriously, I think someone should toss her ass out of the car.  She is horrible.  Adrienne is explaining herself, Brandi is sticking to her guns and calling them out on bullshit, and once again Kyle is the troublemaker.  She starts the fight, then sits back and enjoys the fall out.

Next week all hell will break loose with the disgusting Maloof pigs and Brandi, along with the same old crap with Kim and Kyle.  I love this show. Lisa and Brandi make it worth watching and the other hags make it worth blogging.  I’ll be back next week with some extra wine to make it through.  Bravo to Brandi for being real, and keeping it real.

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