Posted by Ilana Angel
These women do not like each other and are all desperately clinging onto their 15 minutes while the new chicks steal their thunder and NeNe outshines them all. Kandi is invisible, Phaedra is not a lady, Kim is a disgrace and Cynthia puts us to sleep. That said, we are watching so here we go again.
We start with Kim and honestly people, I just can’t do it. She is hideous. Her language, her attitude, her lies, all of it is just too much and I am skipping over her. Slutbag. We move onto Kandi and I have to ask Bravo, really? Kandi brings nothing to this show and I am skipping her too. Tiem for them to go.
I just skipped over ten minutes and went straight to Phaedra who is with Apollo and taking their baby for a haircut. Apollo is delicious, Aiden is yummy, and Phaedra is posing. They are sweet, but the squeaky clean image Phaedra is painting of herself is starting to stink.
Apollo is a master barber? Nice that he was rehabilitated in prison and learned a trade. They are planning Aiden’s 2nd birthday party and it is going to be excessive. Forget about the Joneses, Phaedra is trying to keep up with the real housewives of Beverly Hills. Simply not cute.
We’re off to Porsha’s and Dear Lord, this girl is dumb. Turns out her husband is just as dumb. Porsha says “fraudulent slip” instead of Freudian slip. Her husband says that “one bad apple can’t make a pot go like that” and I am dying. These people are ridiculous and fabulous TV.
Kenya takes her fake boyfriend Walter to meet her family and I am drooling at the deliciousness of it all. Kenya is a nutcase and Walter is searching for his 15 minutes. He compares himself to Martin Luther King and I am rolling my eyes at exactly how dumb these people are.
Kenya looks greasy and dirty. The family wants to know how they met and Walter tells them it was through mutual friends. Kenya insists he pursued her hard. The aunt says she believes Water and not Kenya. When your family calls you out as crazy there has got to be truth.
Auntie wants to know how Walter feels about marriage and he tells them they are just dating and he is taking is slow. Kenya is shooting daggers at him and tells the camera they are on the same page and looking to get married. Seriously? Kenya needs to get some mental help.
Aiden’s birthday party is at an aquarium and it is stupid. An insane show of excess and shame on Phaedra. The kid will have no memory of it, could not care less now, and she would be better served to feed homeless people than flaunt her mediocre wealth in such a lame fashion.
Kim calls in the middle of the party to say she is not coming and Kandi and Phaedra start gossiping about Kim’s problems. Dwight is there hosting the party and I am over him too. Phaedra says those who can: do. Those who can’t: dream. The rest just hate. Whatever.
We’re back to Kim swearing, in front of her kids, and I am skipping it. I am not watching anything with this woman. She makes me sick and I find myself fantasizing about shoving an apple in her mouth so she will stop talking. I’m bailing on slutbag and heading to lunch with Nene and Cynthia.
NeNe plays a message from Phaedra that was sent via a butt dial. Phaedra drops the F bomb and says he could care less if Cynthia came to the birthday party. Some would say it was not cool of NeNe, but the truth is that Cynthia and NeNe are friends and have each other’s back.
I’m not surprised NeNe played the message. Chicks are chicks and Phaedra would have done the same thing given the opportunity. We see a quick moment with Porsha and her gorgeous younger sister and we are reminded, in less than 20 seconds, that she is truly a dingbat.
Over to Crazytown, Kenya buys frozen food from Trader Joe’s, microwaves it, and serves it as if she cooked it from scratch. Oh. My. God. Trader Joe’s is the promised land for divorced men and Walter has made that meal for himself a million times. Kenya is seriously crazy .
Kenya tells Walter the meal took her forever to make and she did it with pleasure to please him. She is doing everything possible to turn this man off and it is reality TV gold. She is talking about getting married, ovulating, being a wife, and talking about how pretty their kids will be.
Just when I think she cannot be more pathetic, she tells him her ring size. She is begging a man that she has a casual sexual relationship with to not only marry her, but knock her up immediately. Kenya is not well. I’m not kidding. She is mentally unstable and needs help.
Cynthia goes to have lunch with Phaedra and lets her know she heard about her dropping the F bomb and not caring about Cynthia coming to the party. Phaedra insists she never swears and does not gossip, yet we’ve all heard it. The southern belle is not so much of a lady.
Cynthia offers to play the message for Phaedra and Ms. Parks changes the subject and laughs it off. Cynthia is going to hold onto this not because she cares what Phaedra thinks, but because she thinks it will keep her close with Nene and she wants to be best friends with Ms. Leakes.
The show ends with Kim moving back into her townhouse temporarily. Really? Her husband is going to move into the house that she whored out for with his two kids? Kim can praise God till the cows come home and she is still not getting me to believe she is a woman of faith.
Kim is successful because she sleeps with men who can take care of her. Married or not, she gets what she needs and that is cool. I don’t care. She has four kids from three dads, so bless her for taking care of all of them but she should own her past instead of trying to rewrite it.
It was a boring week but it looks like we will be rewarded for sticking it out next week. I am watching this show for NeNe and Kenya. Watching one soar and one sink is fascinating. Atlanta is not what it used to be and the friendships are so over they can’t even fake keeping it real.
12.10.13 at 8:55 am | Carlton can stay, Joyce should go.
12.8.13 at 9:55 pm | Momma Joyce is all kinds of crazy.
12.7.13 at 8:49 am | What the hell is Bravo giving us?
12.7.13 at 7:29 am | I'm not going to lie, these women and the men. . .
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire.
12.2.13 at 7:09 pm | Second week in a row of boring television.
12.10.13 at 8:55 am | Carlton can stay, Joyce should go. (3680)
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire. (2273)
12.7.13 at 8:49 am | What the hell is Bravo giving us? (1600)
November 26, 2012 | 7:17 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I look forward to this show every week and the opening makes me laugh every single time. Kyle was not born or raised in Beverly Hills, and Taylor did not work for the 90210 zip code, she killed for it. These chicks are pathetic and when it comes to reality TV, pathetic is golden, so here we go.
Adrienne and Lisa are having a drink. Lisa is not into it but giving her a shot because she is a lady. Adrienne is groveling and being the dumbass that she is. I still don’t get why Ms. Maloof has still not hired a stylist. Wait, did she? If so they studied at the Ray Charles School of Styling and think it's 1985.
Adrienne is talking in circles and saying nothing. Lisa looks absolutely gorgeous and while she is not interested in a friendship with Adrienne, she is classy enough to accept an olive branch. Adrienne is an idiot. Watching her makes my lower back hurt.
Kim is over at Yolanda’s, we meet her so, and he is adorable. Yolanda seems like a no bullshit kind of girl and I really like that. She is pretentious but I guess her lifestyle dictates that a little bit. They are planning a forced Bravo trip to Ojai and things will aim for the fan.
We see Brandi meeting with her book agent, talking about the book she is writing about her very public and painful divorce. He comments on how great her boobs are, she responds by saying something about anyone being able to buy the same boobs. How do you not love Brandi?
Brandi has been to hell and sadly we all got to see it. She has survived the loss of love and her book will talk about it. I know Brandi and the perfection of her body borders on offensive, but even though I hate her for being so blessed in the looks department, she is a great broad.
Kyle is taking her daughter to her permit test for the third time. My kid passed the first time. Just saying. Kyle fake cries about her daughter growing up so we can feel sorry for her and forget for a minute that she is a lying, mean bitch. Third time is a charma nd the kid passes.
Brandi is at a photo shoot for a magazine Lisa is associated with. She looks spectacular and they are rushing through the shoot to get up to Ojai. Brandi is not a fan of Adrienne, and has tension with Kim after calling her a crack whore, which all adds up to some great fireworks for all of us.
Kim is excited to invite all the girls on a fake Bravo weekend. That Bravo hired this woman for another season, and kept in the husband killer, is fascinating to me. Kim tells the camera she wants to mend fences with Brandi which reminds us she is much nicer than her sister.
Sidebar: The commercials for Shahs of Sunset talking about “Bringing Persian Back” are fabulous. I freaking love this show and am excited to have a break from the housewives. Reza is my favorite and the new chick Lily is going to be good TV. I am going Persian this weekend.
We’re back with Brandi and Lisa and Brandi is super critical of how she looks, which was charming at first, but now I just want to kick her perfect ass. The other women are arriving in Ojai. Everyone ooohs and ahhhs over the place and we get a little tour of where they are staying.
Taylor says she is ready to move in and I’m wondering who she can kill there to move on in. There are only five bedrooms and three of the rooms have two beds so people are doubling up and everyone is stressed out about who will share. By everyone of course I mean Vile Kyle.
Brandi and Lisa are on their way and Brandi is stressed out about being with Kim. Yolanda arrives from DC via private jet and also heads out. I like Lisa and Brandi together, but they are the only real friendship and the forced interactions are boring and silly to me.
Yolanda arrives to the spa mansion and calls it “cute” which made me laugh. Dear Lord, she is so freaking rich. Brandi and Lisa arrive and they kiss which is sweet. They are trying but it is weird. Everyone has now arrived and the topic of bed selection come up and Lisa is told she is sharing.
There is no drama so who cares. They all go to dinner and Brandi is stuck sitting across from Kim. Kim gives a lovely and heartfelt speech about being happy, Brandi talks bout her ex and his whore, Kyle makes fun of Lisa’s accent, and it is obvious that the editor is learning impaired.
Brandi is being lovely and making small talk with Kim, who is receptive, and tells the camera she might like Brand, which is strange to her. I like Kim and while I don’t think she should be on, it is nice to see her and know that she making money and doing okay.
Brandi and Kim are comparing notes about being single mothers, and home alone, and it is great TV. Brandi tells Kim she was not judging, has been in her shoes, and tells her she is sorry. Kim cries and loser Adrienne starts yelling that someone is crying. Adrienne is a moron and a bitch.
Kim is having a moment with Brandi and Adrienne is out of line, so Brandi tells Adrienne to shut the F up and Taylor says Brandi is toxic. Really Taylor? Brandi is toxic? Poor Taylor is so dumb she does not know the difference between toxic and real. Taylor is digusting.
The show ends right after the F bomb, which is a drag. We have to wait another week for anything good to happen in Ojai, but Bravo knows we are hooked and will complain about it, but come back again. I will be back next week and imagine I will need some booze to keep it real.
November 24, 2012 | 6:28 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Thank you for waiying on this one.........
When we met Kenya I thought she was the dumbest housewife ever. I was wrong. Atlanta has outdone herself by introducing us to Porsha. Dear Lord. This chick is a dingbat. I can't be bothered to Google her and see if she is educated because it won't matter. She could have a PhD and would still be the dumbest housewife ever. She is young and dumb, which is reality TV gold.
We'll get to the Chrissy Snow of Atlanta in a minute because start off with the divine Ms. NeNe Leakes. NeNe is getting a pedicure with Gregg and it is gross. I know he is trying to win her back, but it is all just too much. There is almost an insincerity to it. He is begging for a key, just like last week, and while I get the desire to put your family back together, I just don't see it
Lawrence arrives and it is cute, but I'm bored. I love NeNe and I love Lawrence, but the scenes with Gregg have overstayed their welcome. Over with Phaedra and Apollo. we learn he is a certified nutritionist and personal trainer. He is yummy and they are cute together, but they seem like brother and sister, not husband and wife because there is no spark.
Phaedra and Apollo are talking about the exercise video they are making together. The pushing of their ideas is lame to me. I like Phaedra but I am not buying her video, or having her bury my dog. In fact, I am not having her represent me in court either. Phaedra is a television star and that should be enough for her. All these offshoots are laughable and she needs to stop.
We are now listening to Kim whine about how hard her life is because she has to move. Really? Shut up Kim. She is a pig, not interesting, and an entitled slutbag who married well. By married well of course I mean after she whored well. I don't get this chick, do not think she should be on TV, and am embarrassed for her children by everything she says.
We meet Porsha and she is not to be believed. She acts like a teenager, talks like a teenager, looks like a teenager, and is probably just a little more annoying and slightly dumber than a teenager. She is meeting Kenya for lunch so she can ask her to attend a charity event. Kenya thinks it is because she is a celebrity, but it is because Bravo made Porsha ask her.
Porsha is chatting to Kenya about the event, then gets personal, and Kenya starts to go crazy. It is fascinating to watch her personalities switch. She wants to be a lady and professional, but the crazy is just so obvious. It is fantastic. I picture her going home and cutting herself, while she cooks a bunny on the stove, and talks about what a bitch Porsha is. Kenya is good TV.
Porsha is the granddaughter of Hosea Williams, the civil rights leader. She is spoiled, ignorant to what is going on in the real world, and married to a football star. Did she remind anyone else of Melissa Gorga? There is something about her that brought Melissa to mind. I don't like this chick at first glance, but God Bless her for being so dumb. I will give her a chance.
NeNe is in NYC and we are supposed to believe Cynthia is there modeling. Bravo has lost their mind if they think we are buying this storyline. Cynthia is boring as hell, but she is going to take NeNe on the subway and that will be fun. Back in Atlanta, Kandi is moving and we are asked to watch her pack boxes for three minutes. Not happening. I'm skipping over it.
Phaedra meets Kenya for a drink and the two of them are like Frick and Frack. Kenya is wasted and Phaedra digs it. Kenya offers to produce the workout video. Phaedra manipulates her offering, so good for her. They talk about Kenya's love life and childhood, and Phaedra tells her to speak up because a closed mouth does not get fed. I am digging Phaedra.
Kenya is telling Phaedra about the challenges and heartaches of her childhood and I love her at this moment. Her mother is not well, has hurt her in profound ways, and I get her. She is is still batshit crazy, but bless her. Kenya seriously seems unstable. She can switch from laughing to crying in the blink of an eye and I think casting her was as dangerous Kim in BH.
Back over to Kim, I am skipping this crap. Kim and Kandi are a complete waste of time on this episode and I am not watching. Cynthia and NeNe are on the subway and NeNe is fabulous. I love her. She is charming, funny, sweet and authentic. I want to be friends with Nene. She gets on the train and says hello to everyone. NeNe needs to have her own show.
It is the night of Porsha's event and she looks beautiful. Drag Queenesque, but still very pretty. Kenya arrives and is disappointed the event is not something more. Porsha could not be sweeter, and Kenya is getting ready to eat her alive. It is going to get ugly people. Porsha's husband arrives to give the charity a gift and Kenya is so jealous her head might blow off.
He first gives his wife a gift in front of everyone and it's weird. He then gives her a check and she kicks him out because it is for women only. He leaves, Kenya drools, Porsha gloats, and I am laughing. Porsha introduces Kenya as Miss America instead of Miss USA. Perfection. Kenya compares herself to Michelle Obama and I am dying. Her crazy is too good.
Kenya is freezing and keeps telling Porsha to fix it. Porsha is annoyed, Kenya is waiting for Lawrence to come, and opts to stand outside where it is 110 degrees, over sitting at the table with happily married Porsha. Kenya leaves the party with no mention to Porsha that she is bailing. She then starts singing to herself, and Porsha goes out to see what is going on.
Porsha is being lovely and Kenya is a bitch on wheels. Lawrence arrives and Kenya is telling him what a dud the party is. Porsha comes out, again, to tell them dinner has been served. Kenya is crazy and Porsha is sweet. Super dumb, but sweet, and I feel bad for her. Porsha is being a lady and Kenya is pathetic. Porsha says she is being disrespectful.
Kenya is not having it. She tells Porsha her event is whack and was a waste of her time. Porsha holds it together and tells her to leave. Kenya says Porsha is nothing on her own, only the wife of someone important, or the granddaughter of someone important. Kenya tells us she made a name for herself and Porsha needs to do the same. I believe Ms. Kenya is high.
Kenya thinks she is someone important but the thing is, we have no idea who the hell she is. If she didn't tell us every second she won Miss America, we would have no idea. Was it Miss USA? Who cares! Porsha may be dumb, but by the end of the show I liked her. Not all of ladies of Atlanta are interesting but some are good TV so I'm in and keeping it real.
November 20, 2012 | 7:22 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
The main things we learned this week are that this show sucks without Brandi in it, Lisa is a grown up, Taylor is a drunk, Kyle is a witch, Adrienne is a bitch, Kim is a mess, and Yolanda is a snob. These women really have overstayed their welcome and it’s time for them to go away. By go away of course I mean Lisa and Brandi should have their own spin off show.
We start with Kim. Everything she says and does is sad to me. She is a mess but in such a sweet and endearing way. She is sending her youngest daughter off to prom and when she tells her to call her and steals a final glance through the blinds, while crying, I started crying. As a mother, watching her baby go, I could relate and loved her at that moment.
I find it hard to write about Kim because I truly think she should not be on this show. That they taped one month after she got out of rehab is offensive. She never should have exposed herself this way and those who love her never should have encouraged it. I get that she probably needs the money, but at what price? It feels like a very unhealthy choice and that is sad.
Yolanda is planning a dinner party and she is just so pretentious I can hardly stand it. She name drops as if the names are her personal friends, when really they are friends of her husband, who have seen him through many wives. She is pretty, and seems lovely, but come on. She married well, likes to flaunt her wealth, and is simply not that interesting or endearing.
Kyle is teaching her daughter to parallel park and honestly people, I just can’t get into her. I think she is fake and pretentious, a liar, and a fame whore. I find her to be boring, with a train wreck vibe. I don’t trust her and would be surprised to hear that anyone trusted her. She is a mean girl who will step on your head to get propel herself. Not my kind of girl.
Lisa arrives to Kyle’s for tea. It is scripted and fake and I feel bad for Lisa that they make her do these ridiculous drive bys. Kyle is meddling in the fight between Adrienne and Lisa. Really? It is hilarious that the one who causes so much drama is trying to stop drama. Lisa is a grown up, and a lady, and she is the only one I respect. I like others, but I respect her.
Yolanda is prepping for her dinner party and says she should be Martha Stewarts daughter. I think she meant sister, but okay. Her home is magnificent, her life is magnificent, and she belongs on this show. I’m not sure if I like her, but there is an underlying kindness to her pretentiousness that I find a little endearing. Still, I’m not sure I like her.
Adrienne and Paul go to pick up Kim for the dinner. Kim is sweet, Paul thinks we care about what he says, and Adrienne is a complete and total bitch. Everything about her stinks of bitterness. Paul is pissed at Lisa and in complaining about her sounds like a whining little girl. There is tension before they even get there, and is it me or does Kim seem tipsy?
It is dinnertime. Yolanda is talking about how fabulous she is. Again. I love that she takes such ownership of the home she built simply by marrying well. Good for her. Kyle and Taylor arrive. Sidebar: Can we talk about the fridge? Dear Lord. The Foster home truly is perfection and I want to check in for a weeklong holiday. She can be very proud of that house.
Lisa arrives, then Adrienne, Kim and Paul. The gang is all here so let the games begin. As soon as Paul enters, Lisa turns and walks away. Kyle tries to stir up trouble, Paul is immediately an asshole, and Lisa could care less. David Foster arrives and makes the rounds. He is sweet, Canadian, and I love him for not remembering Kyle’s name. Best part of the night!
Taylor is wasted and making a fool out of herself. To clarify: Brandi never said that she slept with every man in Beverly Hills. What she said was that Yolanda slept with everyone in Beverly Hills. Am I wrong? They have shown it over and over again, and Brandi said Yolanda was the slut, not herself. I don’t get why it is not being corrected. They all know what was said.
David tells the story of how he met Yolanda through Mohammed. He seems like a nice enough guy. I love Canadians. Lisa is charming, Kyle is vulgar, and Taylor is hammered. David loves his wife and I hung on his every word when he was speaking of her. He goes back and forth to the piano, which I think is fantastic. I want to go to one of their sing-a-long dinner parties.
Kyle speaks as if Kim was not a part of her childhood, which is weird. David is telling stories and Kyle wants everything to be about her. Kyle is a pig. I know I keep saying it, but seriously, this chick has no manners, no class, no personality, and there is truly nothing interesting about her. A singing friend of Yolanda arrives and we are moving to the piano.
Kyle and Taylor start singing Amazing Grace and I want to kill myself. They are mortifying. Taylor loses her mind and goes full blown bitch. Some guy from American Idol starts singing and I have no idea who he is. I have watched every season of American Idol and I honestly do not remember him. Botti is playing the trumpet, Foster is on the piano, and it is great.
Taylor is complaining about them playing Danny Boy. She’s not into funeral songs. I guess killing your husband leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Yolanda wraps it up and tells everything it is over. I love that she is kicking them all out. She fed them, entertained them, and now it is over. New decision: I like Yolanda. It will probably change, but tonight she rocks.
The editing of the party sucks because we go from Yolanda ending the evening, to them all dancing and singing. Bravo editing truly blows. Probably because they don’t have any good footage and need to cut and paste everything to make a show. The episode ends with Lisa heading off to have a drink with Adrienne to try to fix what is broken.
Adrienne invites Lisa, and Lisa is a grown up, so she agrees to go. Adrienne says it is time to move on. Translation: She needs to make piece with Lisa so she gets more airtime because we like Lisa and think Adrienne is a pathetic loser. Next week Brandi is back and dropping F Bombs, so it will be entertaining again. We can always count on Brandi to keep it real.
November 16, 2012 | 7:37 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I am watching this show not because it is entertaining, but rather because it is fascinating. By fascinating of course I mean I watch, drink, and laugh. I laugh at them and how ridiculous they are. These women are embarrassing themselves, their children, their friends, and their clients.
Clients is a loose term because I find it hard to believe that any of these women will have clients after this season. They are a bunch of slackers, who simply married well. I know, I know, there is a dentist and an art chick, and the one who freed a rapist, but whatever. Blah, blah, blah.
I didn’t blog about last week because I could not stand watching Lea Black cry over the death of her beloved dog, when the week before she talked about how she freed a rapist and John Goodman was innocent. Does she cry about over the victims of the animals her husband defends?
There is nobody relevant on this show and if Bravo wants us to think this is what high society looks like in Miami, I think they are high. These are not classy women. They are simply rich, and some of them are not even that rich. This train wreck is almost too much to sit through.
We start the week with Elsa going to visit Lea. Really? Elsa is going to visit the woman who torments her daughter? Lea wants to talk to Elsa about the issues between Marisol and Elaine. Here’s the thing: who cares? Elaine Lancaster is horrible and we don’t care about her.
Lea is screeching while she explains to Elsa that Elaine is really a man. Elsa is adorable and I love her. It is heartbreaking to see what has happened to her face, but God Bless her for not letting it kill her spirit. Lea is a gossip, and a bitch, and cannot stomach her.
Over at Joanna’s, her sister Marta is moving back in. This chick is insane. She has an anger problem, a drinking problem, and a denial problem. Romain cheats on her, and she turns a blind eye. Her sister is more interesting than she is. Joanna is as dumb as she is beautiful.
There is some event around shoes, with some famous shoe people, and all the girls are going. I find it highly unlikely that any of these women would be invited were they not housewives. The hostess is about 40 years younger than her husband and the whole thing makes me laugh.
Karent arrives and sucks everyone’s ass. Adrianna arrives and has once again forgotten to wash her hair. Lea is there acting the Queen, and the other are invisible. Then, just when I think it cannot get more boring, we meet transgender socialite Lauren Foster. I LOVE this chick.
I wish Lauren were a housewife. Elaine Lancaster arrives and I’m grossed out. He truly thinks he is a housewife. News flash Elaine, you are not a housewife and we don’t care about you. You are mean, vulgar, inappropriate, and we are over you so get over yourself.
Elaine is gossiping to anyone who will listen that Marysol is screwing her over. I happen to think Marisol probably did talk smac, but to make a fuss at the party was not cute. Elaine is dumping all over the party and it ishorrible. At the end of the day Elaine is a pig.
Lea does nothing to reign in her friend Elaine and that is shameful. Lea cares about Lea and she laps up the drama. Enough with the shoe thing, we are off to Karent who is hosting a party with Thomas Kramer. Thomas is revolting, and Karent is a nightmare.
Adriana goes to see the boat with her creepy boyfriend. Can we just stop to talk about her dress? She went to a construction site in heals and a shower curtain. The red dress was hideous. Adriana is hideous. Neither her or her boyfriend ever wash their hair and it is nasty.
It’s time for the dinner party and you just know all hell is going to break loose. Everyone has arrived and it’s lame that Bravo forces them all together. They can’t stand each other, we know it, so the entire thing is pathetic. The cackling begins before dinner is served.
Adrianna is all over everyone else’s man, probably because hers is not that great. Karent can smell money, and the men of these women are even less interesting than their women. How did they find these women? I should be in casting at Bravo.
Joanna gives a toast to Thomas and invites all the girls, plus Elaine, on a weekend tri. Romain leaves to sleep with his mistress, Thomas calls it, and so the drama begins. Sidebar: Why do all of these women eat with their mouths open? Is it the veneers? Botox?
The tension is thick and the rudeness is off the chain. Lea is horrible, Marisol is weak, Joanna is unstable, and they are all too dumb to realize Thomas is offending all of them. Anna is the only one with a brain, but painfully boring. Dumb is good at Bravo.
Anna leaves, right after she says Thomas is the scum that feeds off of bacteria. Hilarious. Joanna is offended and starts crying, but she stays so Romain won’t think she is crazy. Really? Joanna is having a meltdown and Thomas blames it on her period.
Lea’s voice starts squealing again, and Elsa tries to calm her down, then Thomas looses his mind on Elsa. He is screaming at her, being hurtful, to an old lady he has known for 20 year, and not one pathetic skank at the table defends this poor woman.
Elsa is a lady and she leaves without saying a word. Marysol has no balls. Forget about balls, she has no backbone. Anna is crying and I am done. It is impossible to watch a show where not one cast member is able or willing to keep it real.
November 13, 2012 | 7:23 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I am fascinated by the women of Atlanta. They are not real friends, but have mastered the art of fake friendship. They are jealous of each other, in constant competition, and unapologetic about all of it. They are pretentious and full of crap, but in the end they are the most real of all the housewife casts. By real of course I mean they have the potential for realness.
We start off this week with NeNe in Los Angeles for the gay pride parade. She is with her young son and it is sweet. I am genuinely happy for her success. She is fabulous and the main reason I watch this show. She goes and I will bail, so I’m glad she ‘s here for another season. It says a lot about her that she stuck with it when she could have dumped them.
NeNe shows her son the difference between a Queen’s wave and her own, which is hilarious. NeNe tells us the gays have invented everything. I freaking love her. She is being shown love and it makes her cry, which is lovely. She has arrived and achieved. Watching her have the moment is really special. Her son is proud and the whole thing is beautiful.
Greg arrives to share in the day and I wish them well. I would not take him back, but good for her for trying to restore her family. Over to Kandi, she is having lunch with Phaedra and Kenya. Kandi looks fabulous. Phaedra is the southern belle, and Kenya is a hot mess. She looks like a man, and is clearly in need of some serious medication. The hard stuff.
I go back and forth on Phaedra because I think she tries too hard, but Phaedra at lunch is perfection. Kenya is talking about the Jet event with Cynthia and it is hilarious. She says Jet invited her, but didn’t Cynthia say she invited her? Phaedra loves Kenya, Kandi is loves the gossip, and Kenya is digging her own grave with these ladies.
Kenya tells them she is going to get engaged and hopes to get pregnant right away. Phaedra says she wants another baby and they can be pregnant at the same time. I’m not sure crazy should be breeding, but I’m excited for Phaedra. Over to Kim, I cannot take anything she says seriously. She is bad television and should not be here.
Kim is vulgar and rather repulsive. Kroy’s family must watch and pray to Jesus that their baby will be okay under the spell of this woman. She is painful to watch. There is nothing interesting or authentic about her. Time for her to go away and live her life. She has ridden the train as far as she can and her fifteen minutes is officially over.
Over in Crazytown, Kenya’s aunt comes to visit. She tells Kenya she is worried about her boyfriend Walter, and is not sure why she has never met him after their dating for two years. Something is not right here. Kenya is worried her aunt will scare him away so she is not doing a introduction. The aunt calls her out and says she needs to meet him.
Kenya starts crying and says her aunt’s approval matters to her and the aunt is begging her not to cry. Sounds like that begging happens a lot. Kenya says she would not date someone her aunt did not approve of, then says she does not want to introduce them until they are engaged. That makes no sense. Kenya is the best kind of crazy. She is TV crazy!
NeNe is taking the high road with everyone, and I like it. She goes to work out with Cynthia and Phaedra and it is funny. Cynthia is going to throw a party for women to show love to NeNe for her success, and Kim is going to be invited. Phaedra says she met Kenya and Cynthia tries to change her opinion. Cynthia hates Kenya. Great television.
It’s Kim’s birthday and I can’t take it. She is repulsive to me. I don’t like anything about her, except her kids and her husband. She eats with her mouth open, talks with her mouth full, and is starting to look a lot older than her husband. Kroy gives her a diamond bracelet, she fake cries and wipes fake tears and I am not down. I am done with Kim.
Kenya is out to eat with Walter and he is not into her. It is obvious, and really funny. She is acting weird around him and it’s as if they are having a first date, not into it for two years. Kenya tells Walter she wants a baby, and to be with him, and he starts sweating and drinking water like he might die. She is losing her mind and I am loving it.
Kenya wants to know what his skeletons are. He tells her he asked Kandi out and she shot him down. Kenya starts with the crazy eyes and I am expecting her head to start spinning. She is not well. She is pissed off and the entire conversation is very strange. This is what two years of dating looks like? Walter is clearly just not that into her.
Kenya starts drinking, takes her food to go before it is even served, and excuses herself from the table. Walter has no idea what is going on and Kenya comes back to say she needs to think. Think about what? He tells her she is a hard worker. That’s romantic. He flirts with her and she slips into yet another personality. She’s a loon.
Kim is back and I can’t take it. She is vulgar and I am embarrassed for her kids and Kroy’s family. Phaedra is off to visit Kandi and is scared of her dog. Dead dogs are cool, but living ones? Not so much. Phaedra is sweet, but this meeting is so fake. The palatial house has Kandi’s crap in it and Bravo keeps showing her fake plants, which is funny.
Phaedra invites Kandi to NeNe’s party and Kandi is not sure why she was invited, but she will go. Anything for camera time. The party is on and there are some interesting ladies there, along with a large group of wannabes. Kenya arrives and lets us know that now she is town, she is getting invited to everything. Really? She is not well.
Kim arrives and after five minutes is ready to go. Cynthia shows and I can’t get past her boob job. They are distracting. Kim bails before NeNe arrives and the other ladies expected as much. NeNe arrives and runs into Kim and tells her to not go. NeNe is lovely to Kim and tells her to stay for five minutes. NeNe is a lady and Kim is a pig.
Kim tells Nene she will stay, then leaves anyway. Kim is a troll. Cynthia goes on and on about NeNe and how great she is in a speech. Then Kenya takes the mic, calls Cynthia a clown, and takes NeNe off for a chat. Cynthia sees her talking to Nene and heads over. Kenya says to NeNe that she hopes they can be friends, and Cynthia says no.
These women are interesting. By interesting of course I mean a blast to make fun of. It’s like watching paint dry. At least when Nene is on she adds some color to an otherwise grey show. I watch because Kenya’s breakdown will be epic, but I’m skipping over all things Kim. Atlanta is back, but I’m not sure it should be. That is keeping it real.
November 12, 2012 | 7:36 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
We start off this week with Vile Kyle. (I got that from a Twitter follower. Love it!) She meets Adrienne for some shopping. Kyle asks her what she is going to do about Lisa, and Adrienne agrees they need to speak. Here’s the thing, these women cannot stand each other and we can see it, so using each other to create storylines is offensive to me as a fan.
Adrienne says she needs to be the one to apologize because Lisa never will. Here’s the thing dumbass, Lisa does not owe you an apology, and the only reason you are going to do it is for screen time. We cannot stand Adrienne and so she better start sucking up to those we do like or we will fast forward every one of her scenes to escape boredom.
Important to note I already skip over Adrienne, and have for a couple of years. There is nothing interesting about this women other than her husband and now that he’s gone, I couldn’t care less. Kyle says she supports Lisa in the fight and that annoys me. Kyle is willing to support everyone but her own sister. She’s a total fame whore and I don’t get her.
Over at Taylor’s, she is talking to her housekeeper and all I can think is she needs to get a job. What does she do other than kill people? Kyle is over for dinner with her husband and two of her kids, then Adrienne and Paul show up. Taylor says she made Mexican food, then we see the catering supplies. Taylor is a pathological liar and she sickens me.
Adrienne is not eating, Paul is pointing it out, and we are watching their marriage unravel. Taylor, in an attempt to free the world of domestic violence, asks the men to do a charity event where they will walk in high heals. Bravo is making us sit through a lot of crap to get to the good stuff. By good stuff of course I mean anything without Taylor.
Kyle is going to move her kid’s birthday party to accommodate the walk and I am screaming at the TV. The editor on this show should be fired. Taylor was already invited to the party and accepted. Why didn’t she mention the walk when she was invited? This show is stupid and proof that cast members should be swapped out after 3 years to keep it fresh.
Adrienne and Paul are shopping for his charity shoes. Blah, blah, blah. She clearly hates him and it is gross. Her fake laugh is nauseating. We leave the old and head over to the new, Yolanda, who is visiting her 17 year old daughter Gigi, who is a model. This is a spectacular looking girl and I imagine her mother is no walk in the park.
She is sweet, talking to her mom, who tells her she needs to stick to her diet. Really? The chick is a twig, and her mom is a bitch for saying she needs a diet. She tells us she is not a stage mom, then proceeds to dump stage mom crap all over her kid. I like her, but she will be doing herself a favor by keeping her stage mom self off camera because I will turn on her.
Paul, Adrienne, Mouricio, and Taylor are taking a private jet to the charity event. Really? Who paid for it? I thought I would like this season but after two episodes I can see it is going to be more bashing that loving. A bashing blog is much more fun to write, so I’m not complaining, but as much fun as it is, it is exhausting. Time for a drink.
Kyle is prepping for the birthday party and I have to wonder why in the hell she is wearing heels to run around getting her house ready. Really? Put on some flats. The carnival birthday party is cute, but seriously a waste of money. It’s a dog and pony show, with ponies, to show that she is fancy. Kyle makes no sense to me and I hate watching her.
They are jumping back and forth between the charity walk and the birthday party, and I am not interested in either one. Kyle wants to throw a dinner to help Lisa and Kyle make up, but Lisa is not having it. She won’t come and tells Kyle to not get involved. Kyle assures her she is not meddling, and in the end I think Lisa rocks and Kyle sucks.
Brandi arrives to the party and she is stressed out she has no back up. She needs to get the hell out of there quick. Kyle is a snake and she will screw her over. Taylor arrives, as does Camille, Dana, and Faye. Oy Vey. All the cackling hens. Taylor ignores Brandi and so Brandi bails out and sends a text to Kyle and Camille that she is out.
Again, the editing and obvious scripting is pathetic. Brandi tells Kyle and Camille she is leaving as Kim shows up. Camille and Dana are completely inappropriate with Kim and I cannot believe people that love Kim allowed her to come back after only one month out of rehab. Kim is a lovely woman and I feel bad that nobody wants to protect her.
Cut to Kyle running to Camille to show her a text from Brandi saying she left. Seriously? She told them she was leaving, so why the text, and why send it to Camille? This show is lame and I’ve got twenty bucks that says the editor is blind and does not speak English. Just when I think it can’t get worse, Adrienne and Paul show up to the party.
Taylor is talking to Kim and she is hammered. Taylor not Kim. Taylor puts her hand to God on a quote from Brandi, which we know is not true. This chick should be careful because lightening is looking for her. Over to Paul and Adrienne, Kyle tells them Lisa left because of work, and Adrienne is upset everyone is on Lisa’s side. Adrienne is a loser.
I love this show, I really do, but they make it so hard to watch. If we are going to watch Kim struggle, Taylor drink, Kyle lie, and Adrienne complain for the entire season, I am going to check out. By check out course I mean drink more. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Next week looks like a train wreck so I will get some wine and keep it real.
November 5, 2012 | 7:32 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
The ladies are back, and for reasons I will never understand, Kim and Taylor are included. Fascinating that they were not let go, but I guess Bravo truly has no boundaries in how they like to hang people out to dry. I am going into the season with an open mind on all the women, and no plans to hold back.
Here is the cast with their opening lines, and translations, to help get us started on this train ride through hell.
Lisa: “Life isn’t all diamonds and rose, but it should be.”
Translation: I’m not sweating the small stuff with these witches.
Brandi: “Money doesn’t give you class, it just gives you money.”
Translation: These jealous bitches are no better than me.
Adrienne: “Know your friends, show your enemies the door.”
Translation: I have no friends because I am mean and selfish.
Taylor: “I fought too hard for this zip code to go home now.”
Translation: I helped kill my husband and got away with it.
Yolanda: “I like to have fun, but I don’t play games.”
Translation: I have no idea who I want to be on this show yet.
Kim: “Life is a journey and I am finding myself everyday.”
Translation: Why did my sponsor let me do this?
Kyle: “I’m born and raised in Beverly Hills. This is my town.”
Translation: I was born in Hollywood, but who really cares?
We start off at Lisa’s new house. Jiggy looks fabulous and Brandi is over for a visit. Brandi is the first to see the house and happy about it, while Lisa is glad she gave Brandi a fair shot because they have now become good friends. They are fun together and while it feels Lisa is somewhat mortified by Brandi at times, it seems like a genuine friendship.
The house is truly fabulous. Lisa’s closet made me have heart palpitations. For real. Brandi’s reaction to the closet is “F you”, which is exactly what I would have said. Brandi flirts with Ken, Ken dutifully blushes, Lisa thinks maybe she should loan him out just to not have to have sex with them, and I like the dynamic. It’s good Brandi has an ally in Lisa.
Lisa is having a party at her restaurant and did not invited Adrienne. They are no longer friends, but Lisa is open to an apology for how she behaved at the reunion. Brandi is trying too hard, but she will settle in. Over to Kyle, she tells us her relationship with Kim is still strained. Mauricio gives her a Maserati and it is lame. I don’t like her at all.
She is unkind to her sister and I know she is going to simply be mean. She drives off in the car and I’m grossed out. No mention of the fact that he made the money selling Lisa’s house, before she threw her under the bus. Kyle cannot be trusted in my opinion and its going to take a lot for me to get her. As for Adrienne, all I can say who cares?
Adrienne and Paul are out for dinner, pretending to love each other, but we know it was already ending then. Taylor calls and tells her she wants to go shopping for Lisa’s party, and the cat is out of the bag. Adrienne now knows she was not invited. Sidebar: Adrienne looks just like Barbara Eden. The amount of work she hass had done is insane.
We’re off to Malibu to meet Yolanda, who is very pretty, in an unreal way. Her Malibu home is spectacular. We learn that Yolanda is the ex-wife of creepy Mohamed, and is now married to music mogul David Foster. They have been together six years and while I think it’s lovely how she shares her romantic side, it’s going to get old. I like her though.
Kim is off to see her sister Kathy for lunch. She is filming the show one month after getting out of rehab. Really? Why the hell is she on this show? It is a disservice to Kim for Bravo to have allowed it. I feel bad even writing about her because she is simply not well. I will do it of course, by I feel bad about it. Kim lets us know she is not good with Kyle.
Kathy is helping Kim’s daughter pick a prom dress when Kyle walks in. The energy immediately shifts. Kyle sucks the joy out of the room. Kim talks about how strained their relationship is, and Kyle talks about rehab. I like Kim and feel for her, but it is difficult to watch. I want to hug her while Kyle accidently trips down some stairs.
Lisa is visiting Brandi and talking about the party at Villa Blanca. Brandi is not excited to see Taylor. The sexual jokes extend to the dogs, which is not that funny. Poor girl needs to relax. Kyle’s youngest daughter is having a birthday and she is calling the ladies to invite them to her party. Kyle’s use of her child to make us like her is not cool.
Why does Kyle need to say Kim is sober every single time she mentions her? Brandi accidentally invites herself to the party and we are all clear that Beverly Hills is the most scripted of all housewives cities. We jump to Taylor, which to be honest, pisses me off. She should have been fired. The taping is 9 months after Russell killed himself.
Her face looks completely distorted. She is shopping and Adrienne joins her. Adrienne needs a stylist and Taylor needs a therapist. Adrienne can’t fake liking her husband, even when he is not there. Taylor apologizes for Lisa not inviting her to the party, and Adrienne is hurt and annoyed. I would not have invited her either. Adrienne was horrible.
It’s time for the Villa Blanca party. Yolanda shows up, Kim is in a sea of free drinks, Kyle arrives, and the fake kisses are off the charts. Taylor arrives, followed by Brandi, who upon meeting Yolanda for the first time, reports that Yolanda has slept with everyone ion town. Wowzer. Poor Brandi is going to rub a lot of people the wrong way.
Important to note that this is just a TV show and my opinion is one of millions. I like Bandi and Lisa so I have their backs. I will also call them out if I think they are lame becasue that is how I roll. If you don't like that I am openly a team player, it's cool. No harm no foul, but it's my blog and I get to decide. Team Keeping it Real!
Yolanda tells Kim, Kyle and Taylor that Brandi said she slept with everyone in town, but they think she was talking about herself, not Yolanda, and Yolanda does not correct them. I get it’s a party and maybe it was confusing, but Yolanda is either a bitch, or a classy lady. I’m going with lady until she makes me think otherwise. I dig her.
Adrienne sends flowers to the party for Lisa, which is pathetic. Kyle picks a fight with Kim and we are right back where we started. We didn’t learn a lot during the premiere, but it was enough for me to say I will blog it. For now. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills are unreal, but it’s cool because I will happily be the one to keep it real.