October 29, 2012 | 7:51 pm

LeAnn Rimes Pulls a Bethenny with Katie Couric

Posted by Ilana Angel

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LeAnn Rimes has been trying really hard to get herself in the news in anticipation of her new album.  She has gone on Twitter to humiliate herself, spent her free time in fake rehab, and had the brilliant idea that if she sues innocent people who could care less about her, she can get her name out there, score some sympathy votes, and maybe sell a record or two.

Last week she chose to continue the hilarious spectacle she is making of herself by going on the new Katie Couric talk show to share how hard her life is, cry a few tears, and get people to like her.  Katie was probably not the best choice since nobody is really watching that show, but I tuned in, and let me just say, this woman is a mess and needs some serious PR help.

In the interest of full disclosure, LeAnn Rimes does not like me.  (Something about my going on Twitter and calling her a skanky whore who stole a husband and ruined a family.)  Her pal Daryl Brown is also not a fan of mine. He likes to threaten me with lawsuits, talk about my being a bad Jew, and claim that because he went to Israel once, he is a wonderful person.

This blog is not to hash up my history with LeAnn, or the people she employs to be her friends.  It is about her interview with Katie.  However, to be clear, so you can stop reading if you are a fan of hers, I think LeAnn Rimes is a selfish liar who ruined a marriage, uses her stepchildren for publicity, is mentally unstable, and has way too much time on her hands.

Katie starts by gushing over LeAnn, then jumps right into her visit to fake rehab.  No mention of her obsession with Twitter, her lawsuits against innocent people, or her eating disorder.  Just her need to get rest in “rehab”. The same rehab she kept checking out of to perform concerts around the country.  Why do an interview if you are going to hide things?

LeAnn talks about how rehab was a birthday present to herself.  She then breaks down because people don’t understand why she hurts so badly.  LeAnn goes full out Bethenny and blames all her unhappiness on her lost childhood. Poor baby had “everything ripped” from her.  She got to buy her parents a house at 12, but damn it, she was a miserable, poor little rich girl!

Important to note that I think LeAnn sings like an angel.  I can separate her personality as a human being from her gifts.  She is beyond talented.  She sings effortlessly and is it truly beautiful.  I won’t buy her album because I just won’t, but I will not turn her off when she comes on the radio.  The girl can sing like nobody’s business and I applaud her talent.

Sidebar:  Why is her husband not there with her?  Why is he not talking about how he supports her, feels bad that she got caught up in a mess because he thought with his penis not his brain?  He could have taken the fall and tried to help her sell records but he didn’t, which is weird, because he is all about her money and should be helping her make some.

LeAnn is angry about the loss of her childhood and there is a little girl inside of her she still wants to develop.  Is she serious?  What a load of crap.  Just as Bethenny pulled the poor me card, LeAnn is trying the same sob story and it’s ridiculous.  Almost as ridiculous as her saying the friends she met in rehab will be her lifelong friends.  Really?  She was there 5 minutes.

We hear a little of LeAnn’s new song, “What Have I Done?” Well, since you asked, you slept with a married man, cheated on your husband, ripped apart the family of two young children, then flaunted it all over the Internet in an attempt to look like the perfect wife and mother to kids that are not yours. What have you done?  You’ve been a pathetic harlot.

LeAnn laughs about child stars dying, and acts as if she is the only one to survive childhood success.  What a loser.  She says she does not understand why people are so harsh on her.  If she does not know why people judge her then we are dealing with someone who is mentally impaired.  Perhaps the lack of food has caused her brain to be weak?  I do not like this girl.

Marriages end all the time.  People cheat all the time.  I don't think LeAnn is horrible because she cheated and ruined a family.  What I hate is how she flaunted it and seem to get pleasure in showing the world what she had done.  LeAnn behaved badly and that is why we can't stand her.  She is a rude, ignorant, immature, ignorant, selfish, and stupid slut.  To harsh?  No.

She says that she explains what she went though with the affair on her album.  A hilarious attempt to get people to care about what she has to say. We don’t care what you say because it will all be a lie.  She says she loves Eddie and they are happy as can be.  She then says the one thing that I was really hoping she would not say.  She talks about the kids as if they are hers.

She should never speak of those kids as if they are hers because they are not. They are his kids and she is blessed to be in their lives, but they are not hers. She says she feels horrible for the part she played in hurting those involved in her love affair with Eddie, and I am laughing.  Laughing at her.  LeAnn may have hoped Katie would help, but it was an epic failure.

By the end of the interview I lost all respect for Katie and her lightweight interview.  I still think LeAnn is talented, and am even more certain she is both a slut and a moron.  In the words of Maya Angelou, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”  LeAnn should take a good look at her douchebag husband and start keeping it real.

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October 23, 2012 | 9:10 pm

RHNYC Goes Away & Jill Zarin Returns

Posted by Ilana Angel

I would have happily walked away from the Real Housewives of New York City after one reunion show, but Bravo decided to make it two episodes, followed by a lost footage show.  Dear Lord. These chicks won’t go away. Just when I think I might pass on part two, they discuss Luann’s whorish ways and I am right back in.  Luann cheated but won’t admit it.

That is how whores roll is my guess.  She may be a whore, but she is also a Countless, so she is keeping quiet.  She assures us that NOTHING happened with Tomas, and Jacques believed her.  Lu is making it worse by going on and on about it, and nobody believes her, namely Carole.  Luann is spinning her story and it is getting more confusing with each word. 

Luann lied then, is lying now, and I think it is hilarious.  By hilarious of course I mean Jacques should get down to the free clinic for some testing. The best part of this waste of time is Luann sounding Canadian.  She goes hardcore with her “sooory” and I am rolling.  In the end who cares? Luann was a slut, Jacques forgave her, and we all move on.  Except Ramona.

Ramona calls Luann out for being a swinger and a whore.  Luann is livid, about to cry, and Ramona is gloating.  These women cannot stand each other and it shows.  Its the old against the new, and even within the two groups, they don’t seem to like each other.  There is no reality here, these women are not friends, and their fake meetings and socializing have run the course.

Time to focus on Sonja, who looks absolutely gorgeous.  She was a hot mess all season, but she is perfection at the reunion.  Great hair, great makeup, great dress, great attitude.  She appears to be sober, or perhaps wasted, because when asked about bum action with Tomas, she keeps it classy. Ramona won’t let her answer anything about it, so you know its true.

Aviva is back to talking about her dad, and the girls trip, and I’m bored. Aviva brings nothing to this show and seeing her real self at the reunion only proves why I am not a fan.  I think she is fake, uptight, pretentious, and rather annoying.  Andy is useless, and rather than getting clarity on the season, he is trying to get Ramona and Sonja to admit they sleep together.

We are now asked to sit through a recap of Aviva’s dad George.  Dear Lord. We hated him on the show so why make us sit though a conversation about it?  Aviva is talking about her parent’s sex life and I’m done.  Carole’s new mouth is distracting, Andy’s questions are dumb, Aviva is lying, George is repulsive, and Sonja is gracious and kind, which is really lovely.

I am now sitting through what feels like hours listening to Sonja and Heather fight about the toaster oven.  The most fascinating thing about the toaster oven is that there is still no toaster oven.  We have been hearing about this thing forever and still nothing.  In the words of the delicious Milania Guidice, when it comes to the toaster oven, I say blah, blah, blah.

Sonja is selling her house in France, getting her life in order, communicating with her ex-husband, and mourning the loss of her beloved dog Milo. She compares his loss to that of a grandmother and it’s charming.  She really loved Milo and I feel for her and the loss.  I love Sonja and I feel invested in her happiness.  I want her to be okay and wish her well.

We are now watching how things fell apart between Ramona and Aviva and it is too funny.  Aviva is a total crazy person.  She is mean, selfish, ridiculous, pathetic, delusional, and plain old fashioned bitchy.  Ramona comes out the winner.  Of course we are comparing crazy to crazy, but Aviva is more insane crazy when compared to Ramona’s kooky, drunk crazy.

Just when I think I cannot dislike Aviva more, she pulls the “My mom was an alcoholic and she died from it so I was yelling at you with displaced anger to her” card.  Dear Lord.  We don’t like you Aviva and with each neurosis you bring up, we like you even less.  Ramona is flipping out that people think she has a drinking problem and she wants the discussion to stop.

Well, it’s over.  Finally.  No point in talking about the lost footage because I can’t be bothered to watch it.  The message from Ramona, Sonja, and Luann is clear however.  They want Heather to come back but have no real use for Aviva or Carole.  I agree.  Let Carole and Aviva go, keep Heather, and either recast for two new girls, or bring back Jill Zarin and Alex McCord.

Speaking of which, I am loving Alex and Simon on VH1’s Couples Therapy. The show is a train wreck, but they are fabulous.  You see the fallout of being on a reality show by a couple that is once again on a reality show.  Yup, they are whoring themselves out again.  It makes no real sense, but it is very good television.  By very good of course I mean it is horrificly fantastic.

That brings us to Jill Zarin on Watch What Happens Live.  A lot of people have been waiting for me to blog about this and so here we go.  I waited a little while because I wanted to watch it couple of times.  Those of you who follow me regularly know that I think Jill Zarin is good television.  I have spoken with Jill several times, met her once, and I just like her.

Important to note that just because I like her, it does not mean we are friends, or that she pays me to write about her.  What it means is that I am a writer, who writes about reality television, and she is a reality television personality I enjoy watching.  I don’t think everything she does is perfect, but when it comes to RHNYC, she was a hoot and I dug her.

Jill and Andy are cute together.  She looked great, her hair was fabulous, her skin was flawless, and I think she was brave to come back.  Andy asked her how she felt when she was fired, and she asks Andy why she was fired. He gave some lame excuse and she took it with a grain of salt.  By grain of salt of course I mean she did not, and still does not, understand what happened.

Andy says he is happy with the changes that were made, and Jill seems to not be able to accept that.  It is Jill Zarin at her most vulnerable.  I thought she was honest and open and her attempts at humor where touching to me. To tell Andy she cannot be replaced was initially viewed by me as pompous and delusional, but in looking at it again, it was human.

Here is a woman who was the quintessential New York Jewish housewife, who was riveting and popular, then without warning, she was fired.  Not only just fired, but publically humiliated.  She had been so close to Bethenn,  and to see not only their friendship end, but their paths take on different directions and different speeds must have been be upsetting.

Bethenny used Jill to get to the place she wanted, and then dumped her.  I get it on some levels, but in the end there was a time to be gracious and both of them missed the boat. In watching Jill tonight I am reminded that she was fun to watch, and even though she sometimes made me cringe, she should not have been punished for her falling out with Bethenny.

Important to note that even though I'm not a fan of Bethenny, God bless her.  She accomplished everything she set her mind to and I respect that.  Good for her.  I hope she is happy and proud.  All I'm saying is that for a woman whose friends all appear to be on her payroll, one would think she would forgive  the one person who never wanted anything from her.

Jill is talking about all the ladies of her seasons and there is clearly some really bad editing.  The sound jumps and I wonder what the real conversation was, not what Andy wants us to see.  Sidebar: Twitter went nuts that Jill filmed the show herself to shop around to sell.  Hilarious.  Jill recorded the audio and based on how Bravo dumped her, she did the right thing.

People are so quick to want to hate Jill, and it’s a shame.  Instead of wanting her off the show, they should have pushed for her to stay on so they would have something to talk about.  Love her or hate her, everyone likes to talk about Jill Zarin.  She is now talking about Bethenny and I could care less.  I think Bethenny is a pathological liar and a fame whore.  Moving on.

Jill talking about Bravo picking sides and favorites is just sad for me.  Sad because I would have felt the same way.  She is the girl who got to hang out with the cool girls, only to have the popular bully girl shun her and have it all taken away.  Instead of allowing Jill to have the show, Bethenny took it away from her because she could.  There is nothing to be proud of there.

I will get blasted for my opinion on this and I get it, but take a step back for a minute and stop making this about Jill and Bethenny.  Let’s make it about just TV.  Jill was good television.  People who loved her rallied by her side, and those who hated her got a kick out of bashing her.  In the end we all lose with her off the show and that is a drag because RHNYC now sucks.

People bitch that Jill needs to move on because she is off the show, but why should she?  Jill reminds us that the show is on around the world, many places just seeing the first season, and Jill is still a housewife for a lot of people.   Now I sound like a PR person for Jill and that was not my goal.  I am not here to defend Jill Zarin, just share my opinion of her.

In the end Jill handled herself well with Andy, and Andy was lovely to her. It is unfortunate that they parted ways, and I hope they make their way back together.  I’m guessing we will see Jill on TV again and I would not be surprised if Bethenny has her on her talk show.  It would be a ratings bonanza, and exactly the kind of thing Bethenny lives for.

The truth is I really don’t care about this stuff that much. I am a fan of realty television, like so many of us are, and we all have our favorites. The ones we want to hang out with, and the ones we want to accidentally trip so we can watch them fall in slow motion.  Who we like is personal and my job is to share my personal opinions, which I do, openly and honestly.

I am happy this season of RHNYC is over and I was happy to see Jill back on my TV, just as I am happy to see Alex too.  It will be interesting to see if the same cast returns.  I want Jill back and don’t care who wants to hate me for it.  In a world with so much pain and stress, that people want to hate each other over reality television stars is both silly and disturbing.

It is actually quite funny when you think about it.  We get sucked into these shows with these people, and it is fascinating.  I make my living talking about them all, and so the drama is part of the job I guess.  I like Jill, can’t stand Aviva, think Sonja is great, Ramona is evil, and Luann is a slut.  If you agree or not is up to you.  All I can do it watch, write, and keep it real.

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October 15, 2012 | 7:37 am

Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion – Go Scratch!

Posted by Ilana Angel

My, my, my.  After an insanely excruciating season, the Real Housewives of New Jersey came to a screaming halt and it is bittersweet.  I am thrilled because this show sucked this season, but disappointed that it’s over because as bad as it was, it is crack, and not having it will be hard.  I will go into withdrawal and be forced to watch the Real Housewives of Miami, which is simply awful.  Lucky for us all the ladies of Beverly Hills will be back in a few weeks and allow us to once again fuel our addiction for garbage.

Before we even get started, I feel the need to clarify that I am not a fan of Jacqueline Laurita.  I will go even further and say I think she is simply horrible. She is, in my opinion, a terrible friend, pathological liar, drunk, pill popper, and a bad mother.  I think these things because she has shown them all to be true on the show.  We all watch this train wreck and see it differently, but if you watch and do not see these things about Jac, don’t read my blog because it will piss you off.  Save yourself and look away.

Important to note that while I like Andy Cohen, he is useless on these reunion shows.  He is biased, which I get because I am too, but it is not my job to be impartial.  I am a blogger who writes things as I see them.  I have no obligation to any “team”, because the only opinion I am paid to share is my own.  Andy however, is unable to keep himself neutral and it is gross.  He needs to remove himself from the reunions because he sucks all the joy out of it and makes it all even more stressful for those of us watching.

The third installment of the reunion starts with Caroline predicting Juicy will go to prison and Teresa will divorce him.   What a bitch.  She then backpedals and says it was a hypothetical statement, and Juicy couldn't care less.  Juicy tells Caroline he does not care about what she says, Jac shares her drunk and unimportant opinion, and Caroline turns it all around and brings it back to selling magazines.  Jac and Caroline share that she and Jac are always asked to be o covers and I’m laughing because there is just no way.

I would not buy a magazine with Caroline or Jac on the cover.  They are despicable women who have nothing of interest to say.  Kathy pipes up and it is weird because we all forgot she was there.  Juicy tells her to shut up and sit there.  Jac is talking about how great her life is and they are fine with money, and Joe tells her nobody cares about her or her money and she can eat her money.  I am loving me some Juicy Joe.  He is the only person from this entire franchise who seriously does not care about any of it.

Andy asks Juicy about his legal woes and Joe tells him to call his lawyer and he will tell him anything he wants.  It’s lame that Andy is even talking about it.  All Andy wants to talk about are things that the women will attack Teresa on, and things that will hurt her feelings.  So stupid.  Juicy is holding his own, and so is Teresa.  Jac keeps talking about stuff she knows nothing about, and it is annoying.  That Andy is not controlling her outbursts is a shame.  By Andy of course I mean Bravo should give her another Xanax.

Andy keeps pushing the legal issues and Teresa says she asked her family not to talk about it.  Jac is screaming about why Teresa can talk about it, but nobody else can.  Melissa says they were all worried about her and wanted to help.  It is ridiculous.  Jac is a complete moron and Melissa is a pathological liar.  Melissa says the family told Teresa not to talk about her being a stripper, but Andy does not ask about that.  Why would they ask Tre not to discuss it?  Melissa was a stripper.  Who cares?  Enough already.

I really don’t care about Joe’s legal crap.  If he goes to jail it will be sad for his family and I would hate to see it happen.  Important to note that he did not kill anyone.  He may have been unethical and stupid, but nobody was killed.  He may be a shmuck, but he is not Tony Soprano so lets please cut the guy some slack.  That part of their lives is complicated and we will never know the whole story so why are we even talking about it?  It’s none of our business and we need to leave that part of the story out of it.

Jac is screaming about her finances being fine and Juicy is calling her husband a “MoMo”, which I think is similar to a putz.  Jac is going on about how she was not a stripper and her husband did not meet her in Vegas. Apparently he met her at a “trade show” in Chicago.  I’m guessing she was “working” in Chicago.  He was engaged to someone else and dumped her for Jac.  I’d like to hear from that chick.  In her attempt to not look like a Vegas stripper, Jac made herself look like a travelling whore instead.

Joe Gorga, Rich and Chris join Juicy.  Albert is not there because he had to work.  By work of course I mean his mistress probably got her panties in a twist about him doing it and insisted he stay home to “work”.   Andy starts with Joe and Juicy and their relationship.  Joe says he does not understand their feud and Juicy says he wishes he did not need to even see Joe.  Melissa says there was tension between them from the moment they met, Teresa says that is not true.  Melissa never should have done the show.

Sidebar: Rich and Kathy Wakile are truly disgusting people.  Kathy brings nothing to this show and Rich brings things we don’t want to see or hear. Andy asks Richie if he feels his discussions of his erection were inappropriate and he says he is healthy and that’s life.  Kathy says his erection is her alarm clock and I want to cut myself.  These people are not cute, not funny, and not entertaining.  If Andy brings them back he has lost his mind.  When is he going to start listening to the fans about this show?

Joe says he may have gone on the show to get closer to Teresa.  Really?  Joe went on the show because his wife told him to and he loves her.  He sacrificed his relationship with his parents and sister to build his relationship with his wife.  We all get it, just own that your wife is to blame here.   Juicy and Teresa are talking to Joe, and Jac gets involved.  Jac is acting strange and it is sad.  This woman needs an intervention and her lovely husband needs to wake up and help her because she is a mess.

Juicy calls Joe out on not paying his bills, Joe calls juicy a bum, Melissa blames Teresa for everything, Caroline is trying to figure out how to restore her reputation, Kathy is invisible and not sure what is happening because she is a moron, and Jac is not sure what is happening because she is high as a kite.  Teresa is laughing at all of them and then we start again with Jac’s ramblings.  Jac is talking about her being a hooker at a trade show and Kathy gets involved.  Joe tells Kathy to “go scratch”.  I love Juicy.

Again with the strippers.  Everyone is talking over each other, Andy sits there and does not control the madness.  We learn Joe was a stripper when he was young.  Dear Lord.  These people are humiliating themselves, their parents, and their children.  I don’t know that 15 minutes and a few dollars is worth all this, but to each their own.   Joe is crying and talking about how broken he is to have lost his family this way, and Melissa is sitting there, rolling her eyes, and trying to look innocent when it is all her fault.

Richie and Juicy are screaming at each other but I’m not listening because I don’t really care.  Andy is now talking to Chris about Dina.  Chris is a sweet guy, and I feel bad for him.  That said, we learned he cheated on a fiancé with a whore, we see his wife lashing out on Twitter, and he does nothing to reel her in.  He may be a nice guy, but I have no respect for him that he allows his wife to behave this way when they have young children who need her.  He needs to man up and shut her up.  Know that Chris.

We get a recap of the Posche fashion show and the mess with Kim D. and Angelo.  Joe tells Teresa he will forgive her if she just acknowledges that she said Melissa was a stripper.  Teresa refuses to admit it because she says she never said it.  Teresa tells Joe he is breaking their parents heart, and Joe is crying telling her she took them away from him.  Juicy is screaming at Joe to shut up, Teresa is crying and telling Joe she never did, then Jac gets involved and Teresa looses her mind.  It is a horrible scene.

Teresa tells Jac to worry about her own family, Jac tells her to kiss her ass, Teresa tells her to kiss her titties, and the whole thing unravels.  Andy brings in Kim D. to clarify the fashion show and I am laughing because he brought in a mess of a broad to do it.  Kim is a liar, a troublemaker, and is really the one to blame for this family falling apart.  Kim is trying to explain and Jac is getting herself involved again.  Dear Lord.  This show is out of control.  Joe apologizes to Kim for being rude to her at the fashion show.

We learn that Kim is the one who set up Melissa because she was pissed off about something Melissa did.  Really?  Kim ruined a family as a vendetta for a silly business thing.  Everyone is screaming again, Caroline is trying to clear Jac, Jac is trying to blame Teresa, Kim is deflecting all blame, and Juicy is telling Teresa they should leave.  It is really heartbreaking.  Melissa tells Teresa she is done and she will never see her or her children again, Teresa is broken, Joe is broken, and Melissa is gloating. Truly horrific.

The men leave and the final moments are with Andy and the ladies.  He turns to Caroline for the final word and she is back to her old self.  She is trying to be the voice of reason, in order to sell books, but God bless her, she speaks beautifully and it is lovely.  She says she hopes they will all be together again, and I hope she is right.  These relationships will heal when the show ends.  Andy needs to give Teresa her own show, retire New Jersey for a couple of years, and respect the fans enough to start keeping it real.

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October 11, 2012 | 12:59 pm

Twitter Etiquette 101

Posted by Ilana Angel

I am not ashamed to say that I am addicted to Twitter.  I really love it and have met some wonderful people through this platform.  I have about 2300 followers and they entertain, support, teach, inspire, and scare me.  It is a lot of fun and I tweet everyday.   With over 14000 tweets, one could argue that I tweet too much, but whatever.  I’m a tweeter and it’s all good.

There is no manual for Twitter.  Nobody tells you how it works, what is cool, and what is lame.  You just kind of stumble through it and eventually get into a groove.  I have learned over time to block the trolls, report the lunatics, deal with the imposters, and embrace the good people who come to Twitter for entertainment, friendship, and conversation.  It’s not hard to do.

By not hard to do, of course I mean not hard for regular people. Celebrities however, are a whole other ball game.  I don’t want to clump all celebs together because the majority use Twitter to engage with their fans.  There are a few though, coincidentally reality TV housewives and the skanks who sleep with their husbands, who clearly have no idea how Twitter works.

Important to note that for the purpose of this blog, I am using the word “celebrity” very loosely.  Celebrities can be famous for talent, or for not having talent.  Reality stars, in my opinion, are not celebrities as much as they are simply famous.  Some transcend of course, but for the average reality star, they are dealing with fame, not celebrity.

For example, Leann Rimes is a moron on Twitter.  Not only is she a crazy person, but she attracts all kinds of crazy.  She uses her crazy fans to help spread crazy. She is unstable, in fake rehab, and coming to terms with the fact that she is a whore, so I won’t harp on her, other than to say, in my opinion, she should be banned from Twitter and sent to a real rehab to get help.

I only mention Leann as a cautionary tale.  Twitter is supposed to be fun and light, not dark and scary.  Leann has tried to suck all the joy out of a place that so many of us love.  She is the perfect example of how not to act on Twitter.  She can’t be helped but others can.  Use Leann to learn how not to tweet, and use my rules to show you the way to a happy Twitter.

In terms of the housewives, and other reality peeps, I really don’t think they understand how annoying they are on Twitter.  Not all, but a select group. With their best interest at heart, I feel it is my obligation as a tweeter, and a fan, for me to help them.  Here are 5 tips to help them along their Twitter journey.  I know they are reading, so lets see if they pay attention.

Twitter Rule #1:  You don’t need to retweet every single compliment that you get.  We follow you, so when someone mentions you and says something nice, we see it.  You don’t need to send it to us again.  It makes you look silly. By silly of course I mean like a desperate fame whore who is trying to extend their 15 minutes.  Just stop doing it.  No retweets are required.

Twitter Rule #2:  Don’t tweet when you are drunk.  We are a savvy bunch and we can tell when you are talking gibberish due to alcohol.  Additionally, don’t tell us you take Xanax to relax, then tweet nonsense, and get mad when we ask if you are under the influence.  If you drink, God Bless, just don’t drink and tweet.  No good can come of that.  (Unless you’re a blogger.)

Twitter Rule #3:  If you have a cause that you are passionate about, like autism for a random example, tweet about it all day long.  Help spread the word because there are people who can truly be helped by your sharing.  That said, don’t tweet about autism at the same time you are tweeting smack about anther housewife.  It weakens your message, and you look bipolar.

Twitter Rule #4:  If you have a career other than being a housewife, like maybe you’re trying to be a singer, don’t tweet the link to buy your songs on iTunes every five seconds.  We all know you “sing”, we all know how to download music, and if we want to buy your “music”, we will do it on our own. No need to send the link 20 times every hour.  Seriously.  Stop.

Twitter Rule #5:  Speak for yourself.  If, for example, you have a bunch of sisters who are also on Twitter, don’t have them fight your battles for you. Also, don’t set up fake accounts to toot your own horn.  We know a fake account when we see one and we know who your family is, so having them bash people for you makes you look high school, not sophisticated.

Help me to help you.  I only mention these things as a public service.  I have about 117 more rules but I will save those for another day.  I don’t want to overwhelm you because learning can be stressful.  Enjoy Twitter everyone. Be kind, be aware, block freaks, ignore trolls, and be weary of eggs.  Have fun out there people.  Be safe, and remember to keep it real.

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October 10, 2012 | 5:41 pm

Real Housewives of NYC Reunion = Nap Time

Posted by Ilana Angel

After what may have been the most pathetic housewives season ever, we are now given a reunion that put many of us to sleep.  One cannot even speak of this show without pointing out the obvious.  What the hell have these chicks done to their faces?  The amount of plastic surgery rivals Orange County.

Heather has weird eyes, Carole has brought unneeded attention to her unfortunate overbite by doing her lips, Aviva is Botoxed up the whazoo, Ramona is stretched to the limit, Sonja has probably actually Botoxed her whazoo, and Luann appears to have had a bad chemical peel on her chest. The ladies don't look good.

Andy is clearly a fan of Carole but after five minutes in, I’m done.  Luann and Carole are going at it about such silliness that I’m laughing. At them for being so childish, and at myself for watching. Carole is being a total twat and I honestly don’t get why she did the show if it is so beneath her.

They are talking about borrowing clothes from designers for about 10 minutes longer than they needed to.  Who really cares about any of it? Luann borrowed a dress, Carole was embarrassed.  Done.  The entire conversation should have taken 20 seconds, not 20 minutes.

It is clearly the new ladies against the old, which is lame.  We don’t care about the old ones anymore, and the new ones are not that interesting. They are talking about Aviva’s ex husband Harry and saying everyone talks about him too much.  Really?  Aviva talks about Harry too much.

Aviva talks about everything too much.  Her anxiety issues, ex, leg, education.  Blah. Blah. Blah.  Aviva has nothing of interest to talk about and so she repeats the same four subjects.  Aviva is a mean girl and there is nothing she can do or say to hide it.  Aviva is simply a bitch.

Aviva talks about how she lost her leg and cries.  I get it, but even her storytelling is annoying.  God Bless her for sharing, and for all the work she does to help others, but enough.  Aviva is not good television and she needs to be fired.  She cries about her leg without one single tear.

She does not want to be the girl who can’t get on a plane with her daughter to Paris.  Really?  Aviva is a snob, her dad is a pig, and she is bad for Jews on reality television.  Why do the Jews on television always have to be weird?  Can’t we get a regular person who happens to be Jewish?

Sidebar:  My favorite New York Jewess is coming back to Bravo.  Next Monday night, after part 2 of the NYC reunion, Jill Zarin will be Andy’s guest on Watch What Happens Live.  While I’m happy to see her back on television, how they are doing bringing her back seems a little odd.

I spoke with Jill before she shot the show, and right after.  She was taped, not live, there was no bartender, and no audience.  They are showing commercials every two seconds so clearly they know a ratings grabber when they see one.  It will be interesting to see how it goes.

There will be Jill bashing of course, but love her or hate her, Jill Zarin is good television.  She is a quintessential New York Jew and she should be invited back on the show. or perhaps given her own. She was fired, she was bitter, she’s now fine. Move on and get her back on TV.

Blogs were started specifically to hate on her, which means that people were watching, and that matters.  Bravo made a mistake.  We all make mistakes, and the key is how we recover from them.  Bravo should bring Jill back. Numbers and hate will soar because Jill is good TV.

Before we go back to the reunion, let me just say that Bravo should bring Jill back for no other reason that she will take these chicks to the dentist.  It's worth it for that alone.  How such financially secure women can have such unfortunate teeth is fascinating to me.  Back to the show!

Ramona is very fidgety, Sonja looks absolutely gorgeous, and Heather is speaking calmly and fairly.  Heather says she would take Ramona on a trip now, but I don’t believe it.  They are talking, but saying nothing of substance or interest.  Andy is struggling to make a show out of nothing.

Ramona denies blackmailing Luann, Luann won’t discuss it, and they say they are cautious of each other.   Dear Lord this is moving very slowly.  Ramona and her perfect and fabulous ovaries are suffering through hot flashes and I am on my third glass of wine.  The ladies of NYC suck.

We are now recapping the St. Bart trip.  Oh. My. God. Make. This. Stop. Aviva is fake apologizing to Ramona and Sonja, and Sonja is not buying it.  I like Sonja when she is not a crying, drunk mess.  When she is on her game, she is perfection.  Ramona is hot mess having a hot flash.

Ramona fakes cries and starts to stutter.  Terribly, terribly, terribly, again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again.  Aviva is smirking, Ramona is shaking, Sonja is disgusted, Luann is invisible, Heather is level headed, and Carole is too important to care about such drivel.

Sonja calla Aviva a liar, Ramona is unable to go through the hurt again, and Aviva is lying her ass off.  Sidebar:  Ramona is slouched on the couch and looks very sloppy.  Did anyone else notice it?  She looks like she is about to pass out, or perhaps pass wind.  Either way, not cute.

The NYC reunion is going is 2 parts, which is ridiculous.  The only good thing is we get to hear all about Luann’s whorish ways next week so that will be worth it.  This show is bad, but like all good crack, it is impossible to give up.  I’ll be back next, struggling to stay awake, but keeping it real.

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October 7, 2012 | 11:29 pm

RHONJ Reunion Part 2 - Lies. Lies. Lies.

Posted by Ilana Angel

I waited all week for part 2 of this 3 week crap fest and it was worth the wait.  Not because it was particularly compelling television, or because they answered our burning questions, but because it is blogging gold.  These chicks are a mess and watching them implode is fascinating.  Watching their die hard fans explode on Twitter is even more entertaining.

Housewives fans are intense. The most outspoken people come out to play for the women of New Jersey.  In the interest of full disclosure, know that this is my blog and I share my opinions.  Also, know that I think Teresa is divine, Caroline is bitter, Jac is pathological, and Melissa is delusional. Kathy who?  If this is going to set you off, just stop reading now.

Last week ended with Rosie threatening to kill Teresa and we pick up with Rosie wanting to cut out her tongue.  It starts when Kathy calls Teresa’s mom a liar, so Teresa says her father was a better father to her than her own, and all hell breaks loose.  Rosie is loveable enough, but at this particular moment, she is a crazy person.

Teresa turns to Andy for help and he does not help her.  Andy is invisible and does nothing to make the reunions entertaining or informative.  Caroline is trying to help stop the madness and we are seeing the old Caroline from season one.  It’s sad because I loved Caroline in the beginning and to see glimpses of her is a drag because she really was great.

Everyone is yelling when Melissa joins in and tells Teresa she is the real victim.  Really?  Melissa is the victim?  Melissa is a fame whore who sold her soul to the devil for fame. Important to note: when I interviewed Teresa, it was her on the phone while she grocery shopped.  When I spoke to Melissa, it was her and her publicist while she was in a limo.

Rosie comes out to join on the couch and Fishcrotch gives her the “remember what we scripted” look.  At least I think that was the look. Kathy’s face is pulled so tight I could have misread it and it was really the “What is that smell?  Oh it’s me.” look.   Rosie is talking about her coming out this season to her family and tells us Kathy's kids never knew.

Does she think those teenagers did not know she was gay?  Helen Keller would have known she was gay.  I love Rosie, but feel like she sold herself out this season, and went from being fun Rosie to predictable and manipulated Rosie. That Rosie is not as cute.  I would watch Rosie on her own show because she is great, and shame on Bravo for using her for lame storylines.

The show takes a break and comes back with Andy telling us they “shuffled the deck” to explain why Teresa has switched couches.  Really Andy?  We are not dumb.  Your editors on the other hand, are morons.  Kathy and Teresa are going at it and Kathy apologizes for calling Teresa’s mom a liar.  Teresa accepts her apology and moves back to the fishy side of the couch.

Caroline is clearly hurt by Teresa, but the constant bashing is giving me a headache.  Everyone is picking on Teresa relentlessly and it’s becoming quite boring.   Teresa calls Caroline a bully but cannot specifically mention one time when it happened.  I feel bad for Caroline.  I think she saw the season, realized how she looked, and is trying to get back to her old self.

Caroline calls Teresa out as a hypocrite for slamming Melissa and Kathy for going on the show, when Teresa did the same by brining Dina on the show to talk about Caroline.  Really?  Dina in one scene is equivalent to Melissa blindsiding Teresa by coming on the show?  It is quite a stretch in my opinion,but I get the point Caroline is trying to make.  Nice try.

We see a film package on Melissa and Teresa says she can’t sing without auto-tune, so Melissa sings a little.  I don’t have an opinion on her singing.  By not having an opinion of course I mean she cannot sing.  Melissa says Teresa can’t cook, and it is her mother who prepares food and Teresa takes credit. Blah. Blah. Blah.  Who cares?  Melissa needs to stop yelling.

Melissa tells Andy that she is selling her house so her kids don’t have to go to the same school as Teresa’s.  It was a total bitch move and brought the kids into it.  Those girls will grow up hearing that their cousin moved so she would not be around them.  What good can come of that? The more probable truth is she selling her house because they need the money. 

The yelling is just too much.  Andy is not moderating, or participating.  He is annoying.  Teresa needs to get off this show.  There is no coming back from this drama.  She needs her own show, with her friends, Juicy, and her kids. That will be good television.  They need to replace the remaining four and start fresh as many will bail if this group is back.

Juicy Joe joins the couch and I’m back in.  I love Juicy and am not ashamed to admit it.  He appears to not give a crap about any of it and I love him for that.  Andy wants to know about Juicy cheating and the conversation in Napa. I’m disgusted now, as I was then.  Shame on Bravo for even including it.  This is of no interest to me.  Who cares?

We watch a show about the women and what happens in their marriages is fair game of course because they signed up for this, but for Bravo to have manipulated the situation, for us to see things a certain way, in order to cause drama and drum up ratings, is pathetic and I will not comment on it. I’m a writer with an opinion, not a gossip columnist.

Teresa and Juicy are open to all questions and when Jac pipes in, they tell her to go ahead.  Jac tells everyone that Juicy cheats, they are physically abusive to each other, and he has slept with a lot of women.  Jac is a lush, who is clearly medicated, and needs to be fired so she can try to salvage her life and focus on her kids and husband.

Sidebar: I happen to think Jacqueline Laurita is a liar.  I also think she used the sensitive and heartbreaking story of her child’s illness to gain sympathy and support when the fans were turning on her and her hate.  She refers to her son as the “autistic” one, which I find to be reprehensible. To her fans, just because her child has challenges, does not make her a saint.

Jac is losing her mind and spewing all kinds of crap about Tre and Juicy.  It’s sad.  The show ends as it began, with yelling.  Next week will be the final episode and the husbands will join in.  My hopeful heart prays Joe Gorga and Teresa will find peace, but I doubt it.  This show has run it’s course but I’ll stick around for the last installment and keep it real.

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October 4, 2012 | 4:52 pm

Real Housewives of NYC Finale Snooze

Posted by Ilana Angel

I have been watching this season with very limited interest.  I didn’t pay close enough attention to blog it, but I watched, and drank, and was thoroughly disgusted.  They tried to revamp the show with three new cast members but it didn’t work.  As the season ends, none of the new ladies proved to be good television, and the three original hags were simply hags.

There is still a reunion to watch, and I will, but let’s be very clear: The Real Housewives of New York City is not a good show, the cast is not interesting, and I watch to mock.  I am not invested in the ladies or the stories.  It is not even a train wreck, simply bad television.  Bravo is scraping the bottom of the barrel and coming up with crap.

The big finish starts with Carole having a ping-pong event to raise money. This chick is in serious need of a bra, a stylist, and an Orthodontist.  Aviva turns up and says she hopes Ramona is not coming.  She is pissed with Ramona because she kicked her dad out of her party.  Really?  George was not invited to the party, and I would have kicked him out too.

Countless arrives and I could care less.  She stayed one season to long in my opinion.  Last year she was entertaining as she fell in love, but now she is a whore who cheats on her boyfriend, sleeps with strangers, has a weird relationship with her kids, and appears to be manlier with each episode. I have lost all respect for her, which was not a lot.

Tension is in the air as Ramona arrives.   George goes to hug Mario, which is weird. Ramona is yelling at Mario to distract him from George, and it’s beyond lame.   Carole gives a speech about her late husband and I am zoned out.  I really just don’t care and if there is no big fight between Aviva and Ramona, it is a complete waste of my time.  Who are these people?

Heather wins the ping-pong tournament and is very pleased with herself.  I did not get her in the beginning and I really like her now.  She is not good television, but she is real and fun.  Important to note that it is her being real that makes her bad for reality television.  There is no room for honest and kind people on this train!  We want dysfunctional bitches.

Aviva is still talking about Ramona.  All Aviva talks about is Ramona, her dad, her fake leg, and her neuroses.  She is disgusting and needs to get off of my television.  She is not a nice person, has serious mental issues, and needs some medication.  Heather goes over and tells Aviva she needs to stop.  I love me some Heather.  Save yourself Heather!  Quit!

Heather invites Sonja to see the results of her photo shoot.  We have been hearing about this toaster oven for years and I’m over it.  I do not use a toaster oven, will not buy this toaster oven, and even if I do, the box is going in the garbage so who cares about the box?  We leave Sonja and Heather and head over to Carole.  She started off strong, but is now a mess.

Carole is giving herself a book party and rips off an idea from Sex and the City.  Perhaps she fancies herself as a Carrie Bradshaw type.  No.  Not working.  She wrote a book.  Mazel Tov.  Move on.  Aviva goes to see Heather as she has been asked to walk in her fashion show.  Aviva is nervous about showing her leg, but she is going to do it anyway.  Aviva is a tool.

Sidebar:  If Yummie Tummie is a shape wear company, why feature models that have either no shape, or great shapes?  Aviva needs a sandwich, with mayo, not a tummy shaper.  It was disappointing to me that none of the models are shapely.  Skinny bitches in control top panties make me laugh. By laugh of course I am drinking, so not sure why I am laughing.

Aviva is nervous about her leg, and Heather assures her that her faults are what make her fabulous.  Not sure calling a fake leg a fault is cool, but whatever.  Aviva needs to think about it.  By think about it of course she means she is totally going to do it, just wants to make sure she is the star and not just the hired help. She agrees to show her fake leg in the show.

Aviva is now going to change the show.  She does not want to wear the jacket that has been assigned to her, and she wants to wear her hair differently from everyone else. Important to note that Aviva drinks her water in the same way Taylor eats cotton candy.  She is blowing her bottle and it’s hilarious.  It is painfully clear why I have not been blogging this nightmare.

Sonja is talking to her toaster oven photographer, Ramona is dumping all over him, and not paying attention to the show.  Aviva walks and opts to take off the jacket that Heather insisted that she wear.  Total bitch move.  Then when Heather is walking the runway as the designer, Aviva tries to steal the spotlight again.  Seriously people, Aviva Drescher is horrible.

A completely wasted moment was the appearance of violinist Miri Ben-Ari. Miri is an Israeli who is remarkable.  She is talented, beautiful and really lovely. They did not mention her, did not let us hear her play without bitches talking over her, and it was a real shame.  I suggest you all look up the “hip hop violinist” on YouTube and see what a great musician she is.

Ramona is bullying Sonja into thinking exactly like she wants her to think. She calls Heather over and Heather is not having it.  She loses it, which is fantastic.  She calls Sonja an ungrateful ass and kicks her out of the show. Sonja backpedals a little and sucks up, but whatever.  Heather needs to cut her losses and get away from this show.  What a mess.

The gang of skanks is at Carole’s book party.  There is tension between Ramona and Heather. But Ramona tries to be civil.  Heather goes after her and it’s sad.  She is a professional and this show has made her a high school mean girl.  Ramona apologizes, is hammered, and Heather is a bitch.  Understandable, but still, not the right time or place.  No good comes from this show.

Aviva comes over and attacks Ramona.  She is screaming that she should be ashamed for throwing her dad out of the party.  Ramona walks away, Sonja is acting like best friends with Heather, and Heather is confused by how crazy the women are.   This show is pathetic, these women are pathetic, the storylines are pathetic, and Bravo is pathetic.

Another party is ruined and I am drunk again.  Everyone is yelling when Aviva kicks Ramona out of Carole’s party, telling her she is not welcome.  Really?  Aviva goes on to say the only reason to kick her father out is if he stole something, or raped someone.  Seriously?  This woman is unstable and none of that can be blamed on editing.

The show ends with Sonja drooling over director Joel Schumacher.  Sad. The reunion should be interesting.  Of course should be does not mean that it will be.  I don’t get these chicks and am confused by Bravo.  They took a brilliant idea and have sucked all the joy out of it.  The truth is that only bringing back Alex McCord and Jill Zarin will help this show keep it real.

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