June 29, 2012 | 8:33 pm

The Bachelorette in Prague

Posted by Ilana Angel

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Emily and the remaining men are in Prague this week. I think of all the seasons of both the Bachelor and Bachelorette, the locations Emily has been to are my favorite.  I have loved everywhere they have gone.  Prague is beautiful and within the first minute of the show the view is ruined by Emily going on and on about how she has the best group of men left.  Really?  Does she remember who she has with her?

Chris Harrison starts the show by explaining to the men, who have all been watching the show for years, how it is going to work.  It is annoying as hell to me that he is there at all.  He could Skype this job in and have the same lasting impact on how we view the show.  Maybe if he did not gallivant around the world with a bunch of young people, he would be home with his wife and kids, not getting a divorce.  Just a thought.

Jef is saying he is falling in love with her and I don’t get it.  He is a little too feminine for her and his appeal is lost on me.  Sean is very sweet, but he looks so much like her the kissing is gross.  Chris is creepy and idiotic, Arie is sleazy, Doug is about to crash and burn, and John never really had a shot with her. Arie gets the first one-on-one date and so we’re off.

Emily is telling the camera about a secret that Arie has.  Cut to Harrison and he is telling us that a producer on the show, Cassie, had a relationship with Arie years ago.  It’s all dirty if you ask me and I don’t believe any of it.  Why would they devote so much time to the subject if it didn’t matter?  Why would they show Cassie talking about it but not Arie?

The camera shows a conversation with Emily and Cassie talking about Arie, and Cassie is saying it did not matter, was 10 years ago, and she never told Emily because she wanted her to give Arie a fair shot.  I think it’s a crock of crap.  Someone should have told Emily on the show because many knew.  Cassie is not risking her job for Arie.

This is a deeper mess than what they are saying and I’m not buying it.  Emily drops some F bombs and it cracks her nice girl image.  I bet she went off the rails with her language when she was dumping Brad.  She is saying she would not have cared if she knew from the beginning that Cassie had banged Arie, but we know she would have because we would have.

There are rumors all over the Internet about Arie and his relationship with Cassie, but I’m not reading them because I don’t care.  What I do care about is that the producers of this show are being shady.  We watch and believe in love, even though we know it’s a scripted hot mess, but when they let us see their antics it bursts the bubble a little bit.

Emily goes on to Cassie about how pissed off she is, then out of nowhere Arie is telling her he is sorry, she is acting like it’s no big deal and was a misunderstanding, and I want to scream.  She is now making out with him, in front of his ex-girlfriend, and it’s gross.  She has known them all for five minutes and she should throw Arie back and move on.

Back at the hotel the date card comes and John gets the next one-on-one.  There is just no way that is happening so I can pass over his date for sure.  Arie is professing his love to Emily and instead of getting caught up in the moment, I am wondering what Cassie is thinking as she stands behind the camera.  Emily believes Arie loves her, which is disappointing.

How is it that she was just saying she couldn’t trust him, yet now she thinks it could be love and she feels confident in the process?  This show is lame.  By lame of course I mean I love it.  Emily is beautiful and sweet and I love her, but she clearly has no idea what she is doing, is being ruled by the physical, and needs a reality check.  Quickly.

It’s John’s big date and it’s sad.  He is sweet, excited to have a shot with her, and seems to be oblivious that this is never going to happen for him. Back at the hotel the remaining men are cackling like chicks about their connection and it’s too funny.  Do men really sit around and talk like this? They do when it’s scripted for them I guess.

John’s date is romantic but void of any romance.  He has alone time with Emily and he is telling her about how he was cheated on by his last girlfriend. I am dying because he is telling her he could not find her for three days because she was sleeping with someone else. Emily says she is in shock and would have called hospitals to see where she was.

John then says what will go down in history as one of the best reality television lines ever.  He says that when she was missing for three days he called prisons to see if she was there.  Prisons?  I would call the morgue before I called prison but bless him for dating the type of girl who might be locked up.  John is going home so her kissing him is gross.

The group date is Sean, Doug and Chris.  Jef is getting the last one-on-one and Chris is pissed off.  John is telling the men he had the perfect date and he is certain he is getting a hometown date.  Sean decides he must see Emily for alone time so he leaves the hotel and runs through the deserted streets of Prague shouting her name.  It is so fake it is pathetic.

If the streets of Prague are deserted it is because it is 3 in the morning, that he finds her walking alone in an alley makes me spit out my wine win laughter, and that they talk and make out as if there is not a crew filming them is reality heaven.  Why are we watching when we know it is all fake? Sean lets us know he wants to marry her.  Blah, blah, blah.

Sidebar:  It annoys me to no end when the bachelor or bachelorette talk as if they themselves have planned out the dates.  Why not just say “they” have planned something special and not talk as if they sat around and told the show what they wanted to do and where they wanted to go?  This show is obviously scripted and they need to just own up to it.

Emily takes Doug off for some alone time and it’s a drag that he could not get it together because he seems really great to me.  Emily is on the slutty mom tour and Doug moves too slowly for her.  She wants to make out with everyone but his loveliness is not appealing to her.  He is stumbling, feeling uncomfortable, and I think he is perfect.

Emily is blowing him off, telling him he is too slow, and he goes in for the kiss.  It is mortifying.  She says thank you for the weird kiss, then sends him home.  Poor guy responds to her break up by asking if he did anything wrong. He tells her he feels dumb for kissing her, gives her an awkward hug, says, “have a good one”, and takes off.  It’s horrible.

Doug is sweet and I would dig him being the next bachelor.  It won’t happen, but it should.  Listening to his goodbye in the car, with his crying, makes me want to kiss him.  I love this guy.  Emily rejoins Sean and Chris and Chris is creeping me out.  He is week of chin and week of character.  Sean gets alone time with Emily while Chris goes off to sulk.

Chris is off with Emily and he tells her he is going crazy watching her go out with other men, but tells the camera if he does not get a rose he is going to freak out, and not in a good way.  He is crazy, not at all attractive, and a child.  That she is kissing him is repulsive, and that he is still here is shady, but watching his reaction to not getting a rose is perfect.

Chris is not well in head, which it fun, but kills the show because there is simply no way she is interested in him.  I’m not buying it.  She says he is cute, but also young, and she is not picking him.  He is now telling the guys their date was great.  He forgets we saw it.  I must move on though because Emily is now out with her sexually unsure best friend Jef.

They buy marionettes and Jef runs back in dramatic fashion to get one for Ricki.  So insanely lame.  She is not picking him.  He is too little, too feminine, and too unsure of his sexuality.  They go into a library in Prague and it is amazing. Prague is gorgeous and they are smelling it up with their crap.  They reenact their love affair and I am peeing myself.

It is the funniest thing ever.  It’s totally what I would do with my sexually unsure best friend.  Jef, or rather his puppet, tells Emily that he loves her and they kiss.  The puppets I mean.  The puppet tells Emily that he is completely in love with her and it is the dumbest thing this dumb show has ever done.  They make out and it’s uncomfortable to watch.

To be clear, I like Jef, just don’t get him with her.  He is telling her about meeting his family and says that his parents won’t be at home to meet her because they are busy for a few years.  Really?  What does that mean?  Are they in prison?  Do they know John’s girlfriend who hangs out in prison?  It was a weird excuse for his parents not being there.

Jef says his family is really, really private and now I’m intrigued.  There is something going on there and I’m dying to know what it is.  They are laying down on the floor, talking about the future, and it’s sweet.  In an,“I love my gay best friend and if we are not both married by the time we are 30 we will marry each other”, kind of way.  Poor Jef will soon be out.

Important to note that Emily’s boots on this date are ugly.  Additionally, when Emily tells Jef she likes him, and he says really, and she reassures him, and he says “promise?” I am certain the end of the world is near.  I must also say that when the men drive up to the estate in the antique cars there is a total Nazi’s coming to dinner vibe that is awful.

Emily tells Harrison she has her mind made up and does not want to do a cocktail party, but rather just jump to the rose ceremony.  Meanwhile Chris is having a nervous breakdown, crying and being a baby.  It’s perfect. Harrison tells the men there will be no cocktails and Chris is going off the rails.  He will be humiliated when he watches.

In the most dramatic rose ceremony ever, Arie, Sean and Jef all have roses and it’s down to Chris and John.  Before she can call out John, Chris says he must talk to her.  He cries, tells her be behaved like a child, and took the time with her for granted, he is sorry, he wants to be the man in her life, and he hopes she will not send him home.  Disgusting.

Surprise, surprise, surprise.  John is out and Chris gets the hometown date. I’m so over it.  We are nearing the end kids and I will rejoice when it’s done. I will watch the finale, as I always do, in my wedding dress, with some booze, and cake.  I will laugh and cry and jump up and down when she finds love as I read my US Weekly cover story about how she is now alone.

This show is beyond predictable and I don’t care.  It plays the violin in my romantic heart and I watch with amazement, disgust, wonderment and joy.  I don’t know who she will pick and frankly don’t care.  She will not stay with whomever it is.  This show is perfection if by perfection you mean reality television garbage.  I will be back for the hometown dates.  I’m curious about them all and hope there is an embarrassing dad in the mix to keep it real.

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June 27, 2012 | 12:13 am

Conversations From Twitter – Part 7

Posted by Ilana Angel

I was very much looking forward to talking to Twitter’s @AsianPosh1.  She has been following me on Twitter for a long time and has been truly lovely. She defends me to the haters, reads my reality blog and my lifestyle blog, and always has a kind word for everyone who needs it.  She is kind, funny, beautiful, and was exactly what I expected when we finally chatted.

Posh is soft spoken with an easy laugh and a comforting tone.  She was born in Hong Kong, moved to the United States when she was five, and her journey here is fascinating.  Her parents had Mormon missionaries knock on their door one day, they were interested in their message, they decided they wanted to be Mormon, packed up and moved to Salt Lake City.

I’ve had missionaries come to my door, heard stories, and listened to jokes, but never met anyone who actually embraced the mission being shared and converted.  It’s really interesting.  They changed their faith and relocated to a foreign land to start over.  It takes commitment to faith and hope in better things to make such a leap, and I respect their dreams.

They eventually relocated to Columbus, Ohio, where they opened a Chinese food restaurant.  Posh worked there from the time she was in the 5th grade until she graduated from high school.  She left home to go to college and at age nineteen, while eating out, she met her Prince Charming.  It was love at first sight and they were married when Posh was twenty-one.

Posh earned her degree in elementary education but never worked as a teacher.  She had been working since she was a kid, her husband had become a computer programmer, and so after many years of marriage, she was ready to take on the hardest job in the world, a stay home mom.  She has been a full time mom for almost 15 years and has no regrets.

Posh does not watch a lot of television, but she made the horrible mistake of tuning in to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and before she knew it she was an addict and unable to stop watching.  She is a huge fan of Brandi Glanville, and while she turned to Twitter to chat with other fans, she decided early on to not get sucked into drama and darkness.

She is friendly with a lot of people from different camps, and tries to get along with everyone and stay neutral.  As we all know, reality television fans on Twitter can be a little intense.  By a little intense of course I mean totally crazy. Everyone has their favorite housewife, and their favorite blogger, but if you pick a side you will be thrown to the wolves.

Posh has seen some vicious attacks on Twitter, some of them surrounding me, and she has managed to not get involved, but still extend a hand of comfort and kindness to those who are.  She has not met anyone she knows through Twitter, but there are several she would like to meet.  It freaks her out of course, but you’d be a crazy person if it didn’t.

Posh has two daughters and her devotion to them is really special.  She has dedicated her life to being home with them and it’s sweet to hear her speak of not only how much she loves being home with them, but also how lucky and privileged she feels to be able to do it.  She is a modern woman to be sure, but also a throwback to the days of June Cleaver.

Her younger daughter was diagnosed with autism at age four and it made Posh an advocate.  She is passionate about allowing her daughters every opportunity to thrive, and her little one in particular is blessed by the commitment her mother has.  The diagnosis was crushing, but as soon as she fell apart she lifted herself up and began her fight.

Her daughter was diagnosed early and Posh and her husband reacted quickly. They became very proactive in her treatment and would not allow denial to take over.  They wanted to just think it would all be okay and not worry, but that was not really an option, They were heartbroken to be sure, but there was no time for them to worry about themselves.

Posh wondered if it was her fault.  What would life look like for her baby as she grew up?  She struggled, panicked, cried, took anti-depressants, and in the end was able to lean on her husband and use the love from her two beautiful little girls to propel her forward.  She is hopeful people will be kind and allow her children to live their best lives.

Posh is old fashioned and traditional when it comes to her marriage and parenting.  I admire how she loves and respects her family, and am inspired by her devotion.  That said, we could never be friends in real life. This chick runs 7 to 8 miles a day.  For fun.  Who does that?  You can bounce a quarter off her ass and she has no body fat.  It’s offensive.

Our girl never watches her favorite reality television when it first airs.  She waits until morning, pours herself a cup of coffee, and watches while tweeting.  Her husband thinks reality TV is funny and he supports her addicted, but he is not watching it.  After 22 years of marriage Posh and her husband are still newlyweds and it’s refreshing.

There were married for 8 years before they had kids, grew up together, and now enjoy being parents.  Posh says that God puts things in your path for a reason and it’s dealing with those things that make you who you are.  She feels blessed that her husband was put in her path and that she is blessed with her two daughters.  Her life is exactly as it should be.

I asked Posh to describe herself in three words and she chose loyal, advocate, and determined.  She truly is a lovely woman and I am a fan of hers.  This is a woman who lives a full life, embraces her challenges, advocates for autism, and is happy.  She is yet another shining reason of why this series is becoming my favorite part of keeping it real.

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June 25, 2012 | 8:46 am

Real Housewives of New Jersey – Garbage on Display

Posted by Ilana Angel

You cannot watch this show and not wonder what the hell is going on at Bravo. How is it they think we are finding this even remotely entertaining? We watch because we are addicted not because we are interested, and eventually we will stop This show is embarrassing, these women are pathetic, and whoever had the brilliant idea of trying to turn us all against Teresa should be fired because it is an epic failure.

We start this week with Caroline trying to convince us she was randomly dropping off bathing suits to Jac’s house, and not part of a scripted ambush. Caroline is a liar, a bad actress, and being eaten alive by jealously.  We quickly skip to Chris talking about Jac with the unemployed Manzo kids.  He tries to paint a picture of Jac as loyal and caring, but what we are hearing is that she is unstable, volatile, and crazy.

Chris is saying he might need to uninvite Teresa and Juicy to the Napa trip and it’s hilarious because even the morons at Bravo know that without Teresa and Juicy there we will have nothing interesting to watch except a bunch of people with no personalities talking about nothing because none of them work or have anything interesting to say.  Whoever writes this show really needs to start drinking more.

Jac is talking to the camera about how upset she is about her fight with Teresa and I am dying because she is fake crying and wiping away tears that are not there.  She is faking it and not in a good way.  Over the past few weeks of watching this show the only thing I know for certain is that I am more sympathetic to Ashlee than ever before.  If this is the mother she grew up with, then no wonder she is such a mess.

Teresa is with Juicy and telling us she went to talk with Dina after her ambush with Jac and Caroline.  Juicy is listening to her and I must say it is the most appealing he has been in a long time.  Could it be that Juicy has been getting a bad wrap and in the end he is just a guy, who loves his wife, and made some stupid choices?  Not important really, but he is great this week and we see glimpses of the man Tre loves.

Juicy is telling Teresa to walk away from Jac and Caroline and get new friends.  He is tired of watching his wife be upset and I think he is right. Meanwhile, in an attempt to step away from her toxic friendships and repair things with her family, she calls Kathy to get together.  Kathy is a wet noodle and I cannot find anything of interest about her or any member of her family.  She is two faced and I’m over her.

Cut to Kathy meeting Teresa and it’s just weird.  Teresa is trying to understand what happened between them and move forward, but Kathy is concerned about her friendship with Jac and Caroline.  Teresa explains to Kathy what happened and Kathy is unable to listen with an open heart.  She thinks Teresa is only talking to her because she fought with the other ladies and frankly I think Kathy is being a bitch.

Kathy brings out a diaper cover from when Victoria was a baby, and remembers how close they were way back when.  It’s confusing that Kathy wants to run down memory lane with her, yet is concerned about friendships with people she just met.  Kathy cannot be trusted and I blame Caroline for that.  The best thing she can do for herself and her family is walk away from the trash and focus on her family.

Melissa is doing a phone interview with Ryan Seacrest and we are reminded of what might be the most annoying song ever.  We see Joe Gorga is hilarious, her kids are beautiful, and Melissa is a compulsive liar.  She says she did not want to make a big deal about the song, but it’s what Joe wanted. Really?  Of course she wanted it to be a big deal.  She also says if you work hard and pray you can get what you want.

Marry well and you can get the same things Doll.  Joe gets on the phone with Ryan and makes it all about sex in front of his kids, which is weird.  Melissa says she does not think Ryan likes her song, and she does not care because it only matters what the world thinks.  Well Melissa, on behalf of the world, let me tell you that we really didn’t like it.  It was not good and I won’t buy it, no matter how much you beg me to on Twitter.

Teresa is talking to Juicy about going to therapy with her brother and he is not sure about it.  He tells her he is not into therapy and thinks it’s a bad idea.  That said, he loves Teresa and so if she wants to go he will support her, but he thinks her dad will be pissed off.  Teresa lets us know she did tell her dad and he offered to be the therapist.  Now that would be good television.  Juicy gives her his blessing.

Melissa and Joe are driving to her launch party and when she talks to God she leans forward to look out the window to the heavens.  Hilarious.  God is everywhere Mel, no see to look up.  Meanwhile Chris reaches out to Juicy about how bummed he is, and it’s lame.  Chris should take off the blinders he is wearing when it comes to his troublemaking wife.  Jac is not as nice as he seems to think she is and that’s the truth.

Kathy sits down to talk to Caroline and Jac and tells them how happy she is about Jaime’s wedding, and Caroline uses the opportunity to trash Teresa. Carline is a horrible woman.  Nothing nice about her anymore which is a shame because she used to be great.  She is now openly trying to turn Kathy against Teresa and I am grossed out.  Jac and Caroline need to get fired from this show yesterday.

Teresa arrives to the party and kisses Kathy but blows off Jac and I am proud of her.  Jac is upset she walked past her which proves that Jac is an idiot.  Teresa takes Joe Gorga off for a chat and tells him she will go to therapy with him.  It’s sad really.  They love each other, and that they are trying is nice, but I’m not sure it will work.  That does not matter really.  They are trying and that’s half the battle.

Cousin Rosie is there, totally hammered, and one of the best parts of this show.  Melissa plays her song and has to beg the crowd to get up and dance, which would indicate it is a crap song.  Chris then encourages Jac to go talk to Teresa at the party, which is lame.  Sidebar: the Manzo brothers are not funny and Jac is too old to be wearing blue nail polish.  That they are having this fight at the party is embarrassing.

Teresa is telling the camera she should have punched Jac in the face and I’m wishing she would have.  Jac is trying to throw Teresa under the bus to the camera and we don’t care.  Jac has no neck, which clearly makes her thinking delayed.  Chris and Juicy are talking and I feel bad for them.  Chris seems like a good guy.  By good guy of course I mean he has no clue about how horrible his wife is being right now.

Caroline is now telling Joe Gorga trash about his sister.  Bitch.  Jac is demanding Teresa tell her about their friendship and Teresa could care less. Melissa goes over because they are yelling, Teresa is trying to explain things to Melissa, Jac tells Teresa to F off and storms off.  Jac is a conniving, pathological liar and we are reminded that Danielle Staub was good television.  Jac is now crapping oll over Teresa.

Chris is trying to be a mensch while Jac is humiliating herself.  Melissa tells Teresa she was pregnant, hormonal and hating her when she reached out to her enemy Danielle.  That Melissa is admitting this proves that Teresa has been right about her.  People think Melissa works so hard to be good, but she just admitted she went to Danielle to cause problems for Teresa.  I think that speaks volumes about who Melissa is.

Melissa apologizes for talking to Danielle and tells her she would never hurt her.  Really?  Melissa spends a lot of time trying to hurt Teresa.  Tre smells like a rose and the other chicks are smelling like garbage.  It is impossible to know what is really going on, but from the perspective of a television show, Teresa is the clear cut winner here.  Watching the family all get along is a great thing and I liked it.

Next week will be the start of therapy for Teresa and Joe Gorga, so that should be interesting.  By interesting of course I mean not at all interesting. This show is bad.  I’m willing to stick by the family and let them all stay, but Caroline and Jac have got to go.  This show is giving me a drinking problem, but I am in it so I’ll keep watching.  I will blog about it, and do what Bravo has been unable to do.  I will be keeping it real.

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June 24, 2012 | 10:13 pm

Conversations From Twitter – Part 6

Posted by Ilana Angel

When I called my latest interview, he answered the phone by serenading me with Sinatra’s “My Way”.  He sounded great, and while surprising, exactly what I expected.  That was my introduction to Twitter’s @JohnnytheGrk.  I knew I would like him because I love his wife @PDKHair.  Penny is no dummy so I assumed the man she married would be fabulous.

Johnny is fabulous, and from the moment we started talking I was a fan. This man tells it like it is, hides nothing, and has a love for his wife and children that made me swoon.  He loves Penny in a way that makes my heart flutter. By flutter of course I mean his ridiculous and blatant flirting with me not only made my day,  but put a skip in my step.

His recounting of how he met Penny is slightly different from how she recalls it.  He likes to laugh about how she threw herself at him, but then says that when he met her his heart stopped beating for a minute.  He says she literally took his breath away and he loves her in a way that gives him life.  I love a man who loves his wife this way.

Johnny is a true Jersey boy.  He loves New Jersey and laughs at the notion that people think Jersey is like what we see on reality television.  Snooki and Caroline are entertaining, but they are not Jersey.  Johnny should be a spokesperson for Jersey so we won’t think the state is full of freaks.  To clarify, he is freaky, but in the really good way.

Johnny graduated from college with a degree in finance and international business.  He went to work for Dean Witter right after school and quickly became a wiz kid.  He was making magic happen on Wall Street but it was not his passion.  While all the young wolves read the Wall Street Journal, he was reading the sports section of The New York Times.

He was working endless hours in the finance business, but his father was not feeling well and Johnny felt he should go to work with his dad to take the pressure off and help the family.  His father was the owner of Rutt’s Hut, which is a New Jersey landmark and home to one of the world’s greatest hotdogs.  Johnny quit his job and went home.

Johnny’s father raised him to do something that he loved and not be driven by money.  He did not care if Johnny was a garbage man or a politician, as long as he was happy and good at what he did.  Rutt’s has been in Johnny’s family for 38 years and being there with his dad is what made him happy. He is loyal and devoted which makes him sexy as hell.

He still trades, has clients he helps with investments, and has no regrets. When asked about how he views life he said his life is like a book and every day is a different page.  Years are chapters, and the goal is that when he is gone, people will want to read the book.  His immortality will be in how people remember him, and that matters.

He wants his children to look at the life of their father and be proud, as he is of his dad.  His father is alive and well and still working alongside Johnny. He wants to touch hearts in a way that they remember, which is interesting coming from a man who, in a lot of ways, does not care what people think about him.  Johnny is fascinating.

He watches reality television with his wife because it is something they can do together.  Well at least it was in the beginning.  He is now a full blown addict just like the rest of us.  He has been sucked into the drama and cannot look away.  He also clarifies that he will support Penny if she is invited to be a Real NJ housewife, but it is her decision.

Bravo might not be able to handle his family because they are real and that does not seem to be what Bravo is going for these days.  He and Penny are very black and white, live with no fear, and don’t worry about making Bravo happy as much as making their family proud of them.  I dare Bravo to put these two on TV.  Double dare actually.

Johnny has nothing to hide and says he is not afraid of being on a reality show.  While historically reality TV rips families apart, that won’t happen to him.  He says his family is solid, has no secrets, and if people want to look in their closets for skeletons, he says bring some beer and he will BBQ.  This guy is exactly what Bravo does not want on television.

Penny and Johnny are authentic.  By authentic of course I mean what reality TV used to be in the beginning, before it was a bunch of fame whores.  Johnny describes Penny as the person who inspires him to be better.  I come back to Penny because I think you can tell a lot about a man by how he speaks about his family, and this guy is brilliant at it.

Their marriage, like all marriages, is a rollercoaster of ups and downs, but they are blessed to have more ups than downs.  He says behind every door, in every city, no matter how big the house, are people who have problems. At the end of the day he looks at everyone as equal and has a lovely view of humanity.  I really like this guy a lot.

It was when he spoke of his constant flirting that I think I fell in love with him.  He says he will flirt with a 500 pound woman in the super market and a supermodel at the gas station, because it matters.  Making someone’s day is a powerful thing and he loves to do it.  I must tell you he flirted with me and I found myself twirling my hair as we spoke.

I asked Johnny to give me three ways in which he would describe himself and he chose spontaneous, flirtatious, and bullshit free.  When I then asked him to describe Penny, he chose foundation, structure and home.  He added that without her he has no foundation, no structure and no home.  Seriously? Who is this guy?  I want one just like him.

When it comes to Twitter, Johnny says it is 75% fun and 25% bullshit.  I would argue it’s the other way around, but bless him for being positive.  He does not take any of it personally and will not let it affect him, and he laughs at people more than he gets pissed off.  He is himself on Twitter and marvels at those who want to use it for hate.

He has respect for people on Twitter who use their own pictures and names, and finds it entertaining when people threaten him from behind fake accounts.  His response to those people? Be brave, leave the safety of Twitter, and come see him face to face.  He will give you his address, grab you a beer, and take you on.  He means business.

Johnny has developed a genuine affection for many people on Twitter and it is sweet how he truly cares about them.  This guy is more wiseass than smart ass, and I hope to see him and Penny on RHoNJ.  If Tony Soprano, Al Pacino, and Rocky had a son together, it would be @JohnnytheGrk.  This guy is delicious and a true master at keeping it real.

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June 19, 2012 | 8:15 pm

The Bachelorette is Starting to Bore Me

Posted by Ilana Angel

I love this show and I love Emily but I am starting to lose interest in the whole thing.  It is moving very slowly, Emily is sweet but wearing thin, and I’m not sure I see her with any of the men she has left.  There are a couple of great men, but I’m not seeing the chemistry she is feeling.  That said, we are getting close and I am in until the final rose.

Whoever Emily chose has probably already been dumped, but that is not important.  What’s important is she gets to whore around Europe, making out with lots of different men, and it is all on film for her daughter to see when she grows up.  My romantic heart wants Emily to find love, but the single mother side of me thinks she made a mistake.

Emily and the boys are in Croatia.  It is stunning and the travels are one of the best parts of this show.  Watching Emily walk up to her hotel with an empty suitcase is hilarious.  Her daughter has gone back to Charlotte so Emily can start making out for real.  Emily tells the boys she feels like she is in a different world, which struck me as dumb.

Travis gets the first one-on-one date and he is thrilled because he thinks he could love her.  Translation:  He is not getting a rose and totally going home.  I predict he cries.  Can’t wait.  They do something where Travis could have taken off his shirt and opts not too, which Emily is upset about.  Look Ricki, Mommy is a little slutty in Croatia.  Nice.

Travis and Emily are at dinner and it is too funny.  He is clearly into her and she could care less.  He reminds me of Clay Aiken for some reason.  No clue why.  His accent is lovely, and he seems like a nice guy, but there is just no way.  Back at the hotel we find out that Ryan will get the other one-on-one date while the others are stuck on a group date.

Emily lets Travis down easy, but it’s still sad.  She tells him he is fabulous, but there is nothing romantic and even though she really, really wanted it to happen, it did not.  Blah, blah, blah.  She goes on to tell him it’s not him, it’s her!  I freaking love the ridiculousness of this show.  Wait for it…. Travis cries.  Bless him.  I hope he finds a great girl.

Not only does he cry, but he throws his umbrella away and walks in the rain with no protection.  It is dramatic, pathetic, and perfect reality television. On the group date they go see the movie Brave.  I can’t wait to see it too. Nice product placement ABC’s Momma, Disney.  They are whoring themselves out which is classic.  Everyone is a whore in the end.

The boys are now going to change into kilts and compete in their own Highland Games.  They are competing in three events and it’s cute.  I will say again, what I have said before, Chris the young guy is creepy, not attractive, and way out of his league.  I don’t get why she thinks he is so cute.  He has week lips and no personality.

Emily kissing Chris looks weird.  Emily Kissing Sean looks incestuous.  Emily kissing Arie looks dirty.  Emily kissing Jef looks odd.  Emily kissing so many men on film when she has a little girl is icky.  Sidebar: It cracked me up when Ryan answered the door to get his date card, sees the envelope and looks to the right and left as if he does not know who left it.  Ryan is a loser.

Emily comes to get Ryan for their date and the other men are not into him. He is creepy in a totally sexy kind of way.  The kind of guy that looks gorgeous naked, looks into your eyes and you feel like the luckiest girl alive, until you realize he is simply looking at his own reflection in your eyeball. Ryan is a pig and he has no clue he is going home.

They go to harvest oysters and it’s nasty.  I’m not a fan of eating ocean snot, and neither is Emily.  Ryan is all over the place.  He is talking again about wanting a trophy wife, mentioning that God has a plan, and then being a complete douchebag.  He is also wearing the ugliest turquoise shoes to dinner.  He is slimy and is about to go home.

Ryan is talking and talking and talking and Emily is just not into it.  She is bored, not that interested, and her saying she is unsure of him is a lie.  She is obviously not into him so dump him already.  Wait for it…… Ryan is dumped. Wait for it….. he is not having it.  Emily is humming and hawing.  Wait for it…. She sticks by her guns and he is out.  The music is fabulous.

Dumping Ryan took forever.  By forever of course I mean I drank an entire glass of wine during the break up.  The men back at the hotel are thrilled he is going home, Ryan is in shock that he is out, and worried about how shocked the men must be, meanwhile they have all been praying he goes home.  Ryan assures us he is a winner not a loser.  Thanks Ryan.

Important to note that Ryan lets the camera know he is fabulous and not conceited.  He then requests for the editors of The Bachelorette to edit him in a way that reflects his true self, not an arrogant ass.  He must have banged an editor while on the show because he has been portrayed as a douchebag. That said, I’m guessing it was not all editing.

Arie goes to visit Emily and tells her it was hard to find her.  Really?  Did the crew give him the wrong directions?  He tells her he likes her, is glad Ryan went home, and feels bad he did not stick up for her in London.  They make out, she gives him a rose in private, and I’m thinking next week I am going to drink margaritas instead of wine.

Emily talks to John alone and I don’t get it.  There is no chemistry and nothing for them to talk about.  He talks about his dead grandparents and cries.  While it’s lovely, I’m grossed out.  She then goes to talk to alone with Doug.  She lets us know it’s moving slow with him. Maybe he is just not a whore.  I like him though and want him to stay.

Doug cries because he misses his son and I think I might be in love with him. He could be pulling the wool over all of our eyes, but this man is delicious and I want him in the final two.  I really hope she keeps him longer.  At the rose ceremony we are down to Doug and John when we are forced to watch some painfully scripted garbage reality television.

Emily just turns and walks out of the room with no explanation.  She goes off to talk to Chris and tells him she is not sure what to do.  It looks like she might not give either of them a rose, then we learn she asked for an extra one and gives them each one.  It’s silly and scripted and fake and demands that I move on from wine to hard liquor.

We are down to six men and next week we head to Prague.  There will be making out, and tears, but hopefully not tears while making out.  We hear about drama with Arie, Chris is a hot mess, and Emily continues her European slut tour of 2012.  I’m in it, adjusting my alcohol intake to the good stuff, and hoping Doug sticks around to keep it real.

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June 19, 2012 | 9:37 am

Real Housewives of New Jersey – 50 Shades of Green

Posted by Ilana Angel

I’m curious about how long Bravo is going to make us watch this garbage.  It is simply not entertaining.  It has become a chore to sit through it and virtually impossible to write about because it’s the same thing each week.  By the same thing of course I mean everyone hates on Teresa, she defends herself, and they all turn 50 shades of green with envy.

This cast is not interesting, with the exception of Teresa and Rosie, and the only real entertainment is watching them come up with new ways to hate Teresa.  Between Jacqueline’s lack of a personality, Caroline trying to get her kids their own show, Kathy being completely irrelevant, and Melissa trying to be Teresa, I don’t know why I’m watching at all.

We start with Teresa.  Seriously Bravo, give this chick her own show.  She is talking about how bankruptcy is not a reason to crawl in a hole and die, Juicy is building a carport to store all his work crap and putting in a chandelier for Tre, and the girls have found some frogs, which they are not allowed to touch because frogs give you warts.  We’ll watch this show.

Joe Gorga is talking to another contractor who tells him he is busy working on the carport with Juicy.  We find out that Juicy is building the same structure as what Gorga has.  We also learn Tre is building an apartment above the garage for her parents, which pisses off Gorga because he wants his parents to have their own house.

He also tells us that for the past 10 years his parents have lived in a house he owns, but he sold it and is now paying their rent in another place.  Really? If he wanted them to be in a house why sell the home they have lived in for 10 years?  Something does not add up with these people.  It’s impossible to believe anyone, which makes the show exhausting.

Caroline is out with Lauren and once again we are forced to listen to Lauren complaining about being fat.  Stop eating as much, work out, and you will lose weight.  It’s not brain surgery.  Lauren tells us she is not ready to lose weight right now so she is giving up on her liquid diet.  Sidebar:  Caroline looks like crap.  Fix your hair.  You are on television.

Caroline tells the camera her daughter is a food addict and she does not think she will lose the weight, but wants to be supportive so won’t tell her. Really?  She wants to support her, yet goes on the camera and tells everyone her daughter is a lazy, fat pig. Then Albert goes on and says he will get Lauren the lap band.  These people are pathetic.

Jac is talking to her ex-husband about Ashlee and stops in the middle to go get some booze so she can carry on.  That’s how we feel when we watch your crap show Jac.  We need booze to sit through it and a lot of that is your fault.  Jac is more concerned with her new family than Ashlee and it’s sad.  Ashlee is no picnic, but Jac makes it harder.

Chris says it’s hard for Jac because his wife is so good, she wants everyone to be good.  Jac is good?  Does Chris watch this show?  Jac is mean, boring, backstabbing, and jealous. In her attempt to not piss off Caroline, she has painted herself in corner where we can’t stand her.  We think she is a bad mother, a horrible friend, and a bit of a loser.

Chris, Albie, Greg and Lauren are eating.  The boys are eating pizza while Lauren eats a salad that looks like it has more calories than the pizza.  These kids have nothing to talk about, are not interesting, and bring nothing to this show.  Lauren is humiliating herself, and the boys are proving why there is no way in hell they should have their own show.

Jac is upset about an article in a tabloid that says Teresa might go to jail. Teresa and Juicy got into trouble, like millions of other American’s, and Jac should worry more about the daughter she has written off, than how much money Teresa owes.  I feel bad for Teresa that she is forced to constantly defend herself on this crapfest.

Teresa is talking about how Jac is such a great friend, meanwhile we see Jac not being a supportive friend at all.  It is so predictable.  Bravo is now setting up the fights for Jac, probably at the nudging of Caroline.  Caroline cannot stand that Dina is friends with Teresa so she is on a mission to ruin Teresa and using Jac to make it happen.

Kathy is over at Melissa’s with her sister’s and she has tabloids for them to read together.  Melissa is in full makeup and heels to play with her kids, and is incapable of being honest about anything to do with Teresa.  The only thing Kathy brings to the table is her confused musings on Teresa, and Melissa’s sisters are snakes looking for TV time.

The ladies on this show, and I use the word ladies very loosely, are jealous of Teresa.  We get it.  Just admit it and move on.  Teresa goes to meet Jac, unaware of the ambush that is about to happen.  Jac fake cries to Teresa that she is worried she is going to jail.  She is going on about what a great friend she has been to her and Teresa agrees.

Jac is pissed off Teresa is not telling her what is going on in her life and Teresa is once again being dragged on the coals buy these women. Teresa tells her to call her lawyer and he can explain it to her.  Teresa is not hiding anything, it’s a tabloid, then says she’d be a fugitive before she goes to the slammer.  I love Teresa.  Love her.

Jac is being a total bitch right now and that Teresa is not getting up and walking away is insane.  Jac says Teresa thinks she is stupid.  News flash Jac, we ALL think you are stupid.  Chris is eavesdropping, telling us how Jac takes her friendships personally which is odd because it would appear she has no friends other than bully Caroline.

Teresa is confused by Jac’s Heckyl and Jyde personality.  Hilarious.  Jac is pissed off Teresa was tweeting with Danielle Staub and it’s funny because if there is anyone on this show who should stay off Twitter, it’s Jac, who is horrible on Twitter.  Sidebar: This scripted scene went from day to night in a minute.  It’s so fake I want to scream.

Jac is doing Caroline’s dirty work and it is very transparent.  Teresa does not need to defend herself to these bitches.  Then, miraculously, Caroline shows up and says she was dropping off a bathing suit for the kids.  It’s just funny at this point.  Nobody is taking this show seriously and nobody is enjoying it. Caroline is bitter, angry, and jealous.

Jac is now sitting by while Caroline attacks Teresa.  Jac finds some balls and goes off about the article, then defends Caroline and we see this is what it was all about.  Caroline pushed Jac to defend her, Jac is so dumb she did it, Teresa is looking on in amazement, and I’m drunk.  Caroline is horrific, Jac is a moron, and Teresa must walk away.

Caroline is screaming about how she has been Teresa’s friend, but Teresa has never been her friend.  Dear Lord.  Who cares?  Caroline is angry about Dina, blames Teresa, and is pulling Jac into the mess.  Poor Jac is so dumb she is putty in Caroline’s hands.  Jac and Caroline essentially break up with Teresa and Tre should be jumping for joy.

Teresa gets up to leave, hugs Jac, and in the end I feel for Teresa not Jac. Caroline makes one last jab about Tre’s bag and it’s gross.  Next week looks like it will be good.  By good of course I mean hopefully we will be one step closer to Teresa getting her own show and the other chicks going back to their pathetic lives where they don’t keep it real.

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June 12, 2012 | 1:10 am

Bachelorette Emily in London

Posted by Ilana Angel

Emily and her daughter are in London, which I am excited about.  Not the show as much as the city.  It is my favorite city in the world, the birthplace of my fabulous boyfriend, and where I hope to retire.  It will be a fun week full of beautiful scenery and embarrassing American reality TV.

Sean gets the first one-on-one date and the others are left sulking.  They look like brother and sister, which creeps me out.  That said, he is cute, she is beautiful, and they are both southern, so who am I to judge?  Emily is clearly reading cue cards to name the attractions.  Hilarious.

Back at the hotel Kalon is making comments about Emily being a single mom. He is a pig, and having been raised by a single mom himself, he is an idiot.  He also is creepy.  By creepy of course I mean he seems to be a man who might think no means yes.  He is in love with himself.

Sean is at some speaker’s corner thing and he talks about love.  Emily says she thinks it’s hot, yet she looks like she is peeing her pants and uncomfortable.  They are having dinner in the Tower of London and I am so jealous.  Emily is getting sick and does not sound good. Would not kiss her!

Back at the house Jef finds out he is getting the other one-on-one date and while the group date guys are disappointed, Kalon is pissed off.  Something bad is going to happen and I wish we could pass over all the fluff and get to the drama.  We need to start knocking the losers out.

Emily thinks Sean is marriage material and you have to laugh because they have known each for a couple of days.  This show is as ridiculous as it is romantic.  They then suck face, which grosses me out since Emily is clearly sick.  The music on this show is the funniest thing on television.

The group date goes to the birthplace of Shakespeare to act out scenes from Romeo and Juliet.  Translation: Complete humiliation for the men.  I am a little bored so I am going to skip over the rehearsals and go straight to the performances.  I am also going to open a bottle of wine.

Sidebar:  People are tweeting about Kalon so I went to check it out and he shoos Emily away when she interrupts his rehearsal with Ryan.  Really?  Nail, meet coffin. The performances are silly and not very entertaining. Half the men are dressed as Romeo and the other half as nurses.

The men as Romeo look good, but the nurses, well they are fabulous.  Kalon was a schmuck, Doug was delicious, Jon was funny, Travis was great, Alejandro was invisible, Arie was comfortable in a dress, and Ryan was a pervert. I’m missing one and have no idea who it is.

At the bar Emily makes out with Arie, who we know is a pig, so who cares. Ryan takes her off for private time and he gives her a necklace.  I’m not sure why, but he reminds me of Matthew McConaughey.  The men are offended by Kalon and his bagging on Emily being a single mom.

The men are all talking about Kalon and what he is saying, so it will be interesting to see who has the balls to tell Emily.  I want it to be Doug, I expect it to be Doug, I need it to be Doug.  Doug approaches Kalon, he admits he said it,  it but refuses to apologize.  Doug goes to Emily.

Emily is pissed off and I am digging Doug.  Emily is trying to figure out how she will handle the situation like a lady, but we know she is going to drop the F Bomb so she obviously could not pull it off.  She is ready to kill him and finally this show is going from lame to good.

Emily confronts Kalon in front of everyone and he admits he said Ricki was baggage, but says it was taken out of context.  This is when Emily goes West Virginia hood rat on his ass.  He tries to defend himself and she gives his own line back, she likes to hear him talk but after she’s done.

She tells him to get the F out, he keeps trying to talk to her, but she is done.  She cuts him off and sends him packing.  In the car he says he was not the one for her and it’s pathetic.  Kalon came in a loser and managed to leave a bigger loser.  He leaves and then things get confusing.

Emily is going on and on how nobody told her what he said, but Doug did.  He came to her, she acknowledge that he told her, yet she is angry and upset nobody told her.  What are we missing here?  Doug told her!  It’s lame, makes no sense, and is clearly edited in a weird way.

Emily is talking about how she feels unsure about her decisions because nobody came to her defense and it is pissing me off because DOUG TOLD HER! Jef comes for his date and I’m not feeling him.  They go to afternoon tea and an etiquette lesson.  I wish this show was only an hour.

The etiquette thing is ridiculous and they are ridiculous.  They blow it off and head to a pub for beer and fish and chips.  Jef tells Emily he was with Kalon when he said Ricki was baggage.  Kef says like a lot, which is annoying. Emily was pissed off last night, but not pissed Jef never told her.

Either Emily is very confused, or the editing sucks.  I’m guessing it’s a little bit of both.  Emily and Jef go for dessert in the London Eye.  Perfect date. Sidebar:  Who spells Jef with one F?  Jef, with one F, looks like he is about 20 years old and I don’t see the chemistry they both say they have.

Just when I am ready to write him off completely, he became cute and tells the camera he wants the rose, but he also wants, Emily.  He seemed surprised that he said Emily for a minute and it was darling.  He wants to kiss her on the Eye but panics.  Then he kisses her on a bridge.

She is sick dude.  Why is she kissing on people when she is sick?  I now like Jef so I am giving up my plan to spell his name with a double F.  He is officially a smitten kitten.  Jef and Sean have roses, so the others are in the hot seat because of Kalon being a schmuck.

Ryan has decided he not only wants to be the next Bachelor, he wants to be an actor.  Dear Lord, cut this loser loose.  She calls out Arie who she likes, then makes out with Ryan, who creeps her out.  Perhaps she was taking too much cold medicine?  Emily needs regroup.

After two hours of mostly crap, only one guy is being sent home?  Kalon should not have counted and two more should have gone.  Not cool. In the end it is Alejandro who goes home.  He’s been invisible for weeks so no big surprise, except to him.  Hilarious that he thought he had a shot.

Next week she goes with the remaining 8 men to Croatia.  Fabulous destination.  Next week our dear sweet Emily appears to make out with all 8 of the remaining men.  I’m hanging on, but it’s getting hard.  The Bachelorette is lovely, but come on, nobody here is keeping it real.

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June 11, 2012 | 9:42 pm

Real Housewives of NYC Double Blog

Posted by Ilana Angel

I didn’t blog about this show last week out as a shout out of support to Alex and Jill, but I’m going to do it tonight because there are things to be said. Not sure I can stick out the entire season, but here is my take on the premier last week, and the follow up of this week.  The original chicks are insane and the new ones are boring as hell.

WEEK ONE

We pick up with no mention of Jill or Alex and it’s weird.  An acknowledgment of some kind would have been nice.  By nice of course I mean Bravo is anything but nice.  We start with LuAnn having a scripted lunch with Aviva, one of the new chicks.  LuAnn met her because they are both attractive and attractive women gravitate to each other apparently.

LuAnn tells us Aviva is so poised we would never know she had a handicap. Really?  What happened to your manners Countless?  She also lets us know she keeps landing on French men.  Now we could assume she is talking about the fact that she reportedly sleeps around, but it’s too early in the season to draw those lines.  Aviva is pretty, but looks more OC than NYC.

Aviva implies that Sonja slept with her husband, but was not sure if it was during or after her marriage.  LuAnn is pretentious and rather rude which is a shame.  I think she is lovely, have interviewed her, but think her coming back on the show was a huge mistake.  She has now become a fame whore just like the rest of the desperate for money and fame ladies.

Sonja is getting ready to host a party and is surrounded by interns.  Really? What are they interning for?  Are they getting degrees in “Mental Case Management”?  Sonja looks gorgeous, is entertaining, and appears to be seriously lit.  LuAnn takes Aviva to the party, which makes no sense.  Why go to a party of a woman who banged your husband

Sonja lets us know she does not stir the pot, she stirs the drink.  She does not mention whether or not she smokes the pot.  The other new girls, Heather and Carole have arrived.  What is it with all the overbites on these new chicks?  Is that bad teeth or bad veneers? I thought they all looked pretty in the promos, but not so much on the show.

Ramona arrives and LuAnn is still pissed off about her attack from a year ago.  Move on.  Apparently Jacques bought LuAnn a ring, but she is not wearing it. Why not?  Perhaps there is someone better at the party?  I’m not sure what is going on with LuAnn, or why she is bugging me, but I’m feeling this season is going to make me not like her anymore.

Mario is checking out the new girl Heather while she talks about her shape wear collection.  Really?  That is a huge slap to the face of Jill Zarin if you ask me.  Not nice, but we have established that Bravo is mean and dumb, not nice or funny.  Aviva is talking to Carole about the book she wrote a million years ago and is stalking her.  Creepy, not cute.

Ramona’s eye make up is hilarious.  She looks like a clown.  Meanwhile we learn that Carole hates kids.  She says she hates women who talk about their kids, and I’m guessing she is pissed at editing.  LuAnn attacks Ramona at the party about her being mad.  Again, where are the manners LuAnn?  She is behaving in the way she attacks everyone else for.

Sonja says they need to take the highroad, and LuAnn says she is taking the higher road.  It is really funny.  How old are we ladies?  Ramona runs to Mario with spinning eyes and Aviva immediately labels herself as a gossip by running to LuAnn.  I am going to hate this season and now that I am a few minutes in, pretty sure this will be it for me on this one.

Carole is apparently a celebrity writer and meets with Allure to do an interview with the Kardashians.  Once I heard the name Kardashian I was out and fast-forwarded over this entire scene so I am now operating at a disadvantage.  By disadvantaged of course I mean I am pouring wine to celebrate that I escaped watching 5 minutes of this crap.

Heather has her own company and while she is a little odd looking, she is the least offensive of the new chicks.  Then she starts talking about her career and I’m over her.  She is a namedropper, which I think is tacky.  Ramona comes to visit her and the fake interactions are making me want to drink. Well I’m drinking so I guess it makes me want to drink more.

Ramona shows Heather that she is on the cover of the Learning Annex paper, and Heather goes on and on about how great it is, then tells the camera that Ramona might want to rethink the direction of her career for being on the cover.  Heather is a snob, mean, and is going to cause trouble. She may be the only reason to watch right now.

It then became a Saturday Night Live skit.  Heather says her son needed a liver transplant as a baby, and Ramona responds with the news that Avery was born dead.  It was hilarious.  Not the kid part of course, but how Ramona needed to one up Heather.  Did I promise I would blog both episodes?  Can I change my mind?  Don’t make me watch this crap.

Aviva meets Sonja to get a mani/pedi and I want to cut myself.  I would actually like to cut myself with the pen that was used to script this garbage. We learn that Aviva has a fake leg.  She lost a leg when she was 6.  The story is actually heartbreaking.  She lost her leg in a conveyer belt accident and while sad, she is inspiring and bravo to her for sharing.

Sonja says she is touched that Aviva shared her story with her, which makes me almost pee my pants.  She told the world Sonja, not just you.  This is what Bravo wanted darling and is in no way a reflection of your budding friendship.  I am now begging you all to tell me I no longer have to blog this. It’s official, this is it.  My one and only RHNYC blog.

Sonja, Ramona and Heather are at drinks and Ramona is humiliated that Sonja also did the Learning Annex.  I wish my power would go out.  Heather says her dad died a week ago, and mentioned it like she was ordering a drink. Very weird.  These new chicks are insane, this show is insane, and I am missing Jill and Alex in a big way.  This show sucks.

Ramona is having a dinner party in the Hamptons.  Sonja and Aviva are there, as is Heather.  Aviva brings her husband, but Heather does not.  Heather does not stop talking.  She cuts off Mario, Ramona insists she listens, Mario is pissed off she keeps cutting him off, Mario tells Heather she is rude, Ramona agrees with him, and I almost feel bad for her.

By feel bad for her of course I mean she was an idiot to do this show and if she watched even one episode then I can’t feel sorry for her.  I just realize the first episode is an hour and a half.  Is Bravo high?  Sonja mentions her ex-husband as her husband and Ramona tells her, in front of everyone, to not call him her husband.  Ramona is a bitch.  A big one.

They start throwing around the Yiddish and I want to scream.  I’m so done. I am not going to be able to blog the next episode.  It truly might make me choke on my own vomit.  LuAnn is with Victoria who is doing an art show of her paintings.  They are dark and rather disturbing looking.  The new chicks come but Sonja does not and LuAnn is pissed off.

Aviva and Heather immediately gossip to LuAnn about the dinner party and we are back in high school.  LuAnn is out for lunch with Aviva and Carole and is throwing Ramona under the bus.  The gossiping is just too much for me. LuAnn says her kids are calling her “Mommy” so we know it is all a lie.  I am not going to be able to recap the next episode.

Heather joins the ladies, LuAnn leaves and the new chicks are left alone to gossip about the old timers.  I am going to watch episode two now and will simply make ten statements, then my days of blogging this train wreck are over.  I am embarrassed to be watching this show, mortified to be writing about it, and sad that I will probably watch it again.

WEEK TWO

Here are ten things worth mentioning about this train wreck.  They will be my parting words on this show.

1) The non-Jewish chicks married to Jewish men, who have not converted, but are calling themselves Jewish, is odd to me.  You are in fact not Jewish.  That there is no real Jewess on in NYC is stupid.

2) Aviva’s ex-husband has slept with LuAnn and with Sonja.  No mention of whether the women were married at the time, but we know he was.

3) There is no appropriate or acceptable way to make a joke about having one leg if you have two and are talking to a person with only one.

4) LuAnn is meeting in the park to discuss Ramona’s threat to LuAnn about her kids.  The entire exchange is horrific and the people at Bravo who put this on are all going to hell.  First Class.

5) When someone threatens your children and says she is going to blackmail you, you do not then hug them goodbye.

6) Sonja is living in a multi-million dollar home of squalor.  That she is willing to show the way her home this way is proof, in my opinion, that she is not concerned with the feelings of her child, and is probably lit.

7) If you don’t people to judge your parenting skills, or comment on your children, then don’t put them on television.

8) LuAnn is offended people talk badly about her kids yet she speaks badly to her kids, which is worse.

9) Can someone explain to me how Sonja is good for the gay community?  She is a hot mess.

10) This is my last blog on this nightmare.  The originals are tired, the new ones are pathetic, the fired ones are missed, and Bravo is not capable of keeping it real.

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