April 9, 2012 | 9:33 pm

Celebrity Apprentice – Lou is Finally Fired

Posted by Ilana Angel

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Last week this show went from slow and boring to fabulous, so hopes are high they keep it going.  Aubrey ran off like a spoiled kid, while Arsenio lost his mind.  Lisa took credit for everything, and Dayana was once again punished for being beautiful.  I am reinvested, ready for more, and really hoping someone punches Aubrey in the face.  Just kidding.

This week starts with Arsenio still fuming about Aubrey.  He is spot on and I’m digging it.  Arsenio calls Aubrey a bitch and a whore and Lisa gets pissed off and says it’s rude.  Really?  The filthiest female comic in the world is upset he called her a bitch and a whore?  She is telling Arsenio every woman in America is going to hate him for using that language.

News flash Lisa, we freaking LOVE Arsenio for calling Aubrey out and we think you are a bitch a whore.  Lou and Dayana come in and when Lisa sees that Debbie has been fired she loses her mind again.  She tells them both they are stupid losers and storms off.  Lisa is a nightmare.  She is low class, ignorant, and ridiculous.  She is not good television.

Sadly Aubrey gets over her silliness and comes back.  I was so hopeful she would bail.  She is talking about being bullied by Arsenio and Clay, and it’s lame.  She was a bitch and got called on it.  That’s not bullying, but she is a complete moron so you can’t blame her for not knowing what bullying is. Teresa is PM for her team, and Dayana is leading hers.

Aubrey confronts Arsenio, lets him know she was hurt by what he said, and tells him she is a fan.  He says he’s a man for admitting he was wrong, but he doesn’t admit he was wrong.  It was funny and totally fake.  They hate each other and it was painfully insincere.  Over with the others, Penn needs to go to another gig and Lisa is pissed she is stuck with morons.

The editing on this show sucks.  The continuity is non-existent and you have to wonder exactly how much here is fake.  I’m guessing about 99.9%.  They need to do a commercial for Entertainment.com, which is a fun task.  Sidebar: Teresa Guidice is fabulous on this show.  She is beautiful and the other real housewives of New Jersey must be pissed about it.

Lou is pissed that as an actor, he was not selected to be in the commercial. Hilarious.  I don’t get why they feel the need to do sub-titles for some of his lines.  We understand him and it’s not nice.  Lou is trying to help direct but they are not into his suggestions.  It’s so predictable.  They are annoyed with him, they will lose, and he will be the one to go.

Paul is made up to look like a regular guy and it’s strange to see him that way. He looks handsome and I love him for jumping in and doing what needs to be done.  Teresa is digging saying action as the director and Aubrey is throwing her under the bus to the camera, but smiling to her face.  Aubrey O’Day is evil and if she had a career, her time on this show would kill it.

Lou is still talking about how he wanted to be in the commercial.  He is sweet, but enough already with the broken record.  Lou needs simply stop talking.  He’s so totally getting the boot that watching this feels like a waste and I want to fast forward over the task and get to the boardroom.  I could never blog this show live because I need to skip a lot.

Lisa is working well with Dayana, so she has no choice but to bag on Lou.  Lou tells Dayana if he didn’t like the commercial he would tell her, and assures he like it.  He then tells the camera that he does not like it.  It’s so obvious he is going home that it’s not really fun to watch.  I am an hour in and all I want to do it go to the boardroom because I’m bored.

The presentations happen and we see both commercials.  Teresa’s team has a video based on sexual innuendos.  It’s funny and cute but Aubrey is painful and it’s a shame they cast her because she is nauseating.  Dayan’s video is super cute but Lou is bitching, Aubrey is bitching, Lisa is bitching, and it is now so clear Lou is being fired that I’m annoyed.

Dayana is proud of her team, but when asked who the weakest link is, she says it is Lou.  Surprise!  Lisa says Lou was useless and Dayana was great.  Lou then goes over the edge.  He says Lisa is lucky to be a woman because if she was a man he’d throw her out the window.  Lisa tells him to not threaten her, but Ivanka calls her out on being mean to Lou.

Lisa denies she calls Lou a loser, and they are going at it.  Lisa says Lou needs to get ready for an elevator ride, which I thought was an awesome line.  Nobody is willing to admit they heard Lisa call Lou a loser, but they all did. I love a woman with balls but Lisa is not ballsy as much as she is bitter, angry, negative and nasty.  She is just not nice.

Clay says Teresa is the nicest woman on his team, which we all know.  Apart from the fact that Aubrey is a rotten child and not a woman, Teresa is doing well and handling herself in a way that is surprising to those who watch her on Housewives.  I am a huge fan, and I was not always, but she is rocking it and I hope she is in the finals.  Time will tell.

Teresa says she will bring the entire team back into the boardroom because everyone was excellent and there was no week link. Aubrey looks constipated, then annoyed when Ivanka calls her out for taking over and answering questions for Teresa when she should have shut up.  I dig Ivanka Trump and love it when she throws out Jewish lingo.

Trump asks why Dayana did not use her team in the commercial, and Penn says he was too old.  Trump plays a long and says he hates “those people”, referring to older men with younger women.  I love me some Donald Trump.  He’s great television.  Not at all Presidential, but he is good television.  Lou tells Trump the other team did a better job.

It is a desperate and insane way to try to save himself, and the whole thing is sad because Lou just looks like a fool.  I wanted him to do well because I love the idea of him, but in the end the idea of Lou Ferrigno is better than the real Lou Ferrigno.  Watching Lisa beat up on Lou is depressing and I think was wrong in terms of the editing.

Lisa is humiliating and embarrassing him and I think he deserved a little more respect.  You can’t edit out that he is a bit of an idiot, but he made himself look bad so having Lisa beat him up was just not nice.  Lisa is a bitter shrew and I want her to go down in flames.  FYI, her make-up is brutal.  I’m guessing Gibson left her make-up bag behind.

Trump calls out Lou for saying the other team was better, and Lou is trying to take it back.  The boardroom is an hour which is stupid.  There is no reason this show should be two hours.  In the end Teresa wins $60K.  The bad news is that we now need to watch Lou get beat up for another twenty minutes, which is going to be gross.

The public beating of Lou continues.  Lisa is a pig.  Paul says he does not want to work with Lisa so you know he going to be moved to her team next week to make it even.  Penn says Lou did not work too hard, Dayana says Lou did not work too hard, but Lisa is calling him out as a useless human being and I have no respect for her and never will.

Penn is safe.  Dayana, Lou and Lisa are up for firing.  Lou knows he is going home and tells Dayana and Lisa it was a pleasure working with them.  Dayana says nothing, which is rude and mean.  Lisa does not care about what he says and rather than accept his generosity towards her, she is rude and abrasive, confirming she is a classless pig.

Lou has been talking for weeks about how is hearing loss is not a factor and he does not want to be judged on it, yet now he is saying he takes longer to understand things because of it.  It was sad.  He was pulling the deaf card when he needed the sympathy and it did not sit well since he’s been fighting against it for weeks.  I feel bad for him.

Lisa calls out the manipulation of his hearing issues, and Lou is saying her profanity is uncalled for.  Lisa can’t get over his being there when he does nothing, and Lou can’t get over her calling him a loser on national television. Lou says Trump should fire Lisa, then changes it to Dayana being fired, as she was the Project Manager.

Trump fires Lou for being disloyal and Lou asks him to take it back because he does not want to be fired.  It’s heartbreaking.  He leaves without hugs to anyone and I’m not sure why, but it made me want to cry.  This show was not great for Lou.  In the end his turning on his team was more about hurting them, than it was about keeping it real.

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April 6, 2012 | 12:51 pm

An Open Letter to Bethenny Frankel

Posted by Ilana Angel

Dear Ms. Frankel,

My name is Ilana Angel and I am a writer for The Jewish Journal of Greater Los Angeles.  I write a blog about my life and worldview called “Keeping the Faith”, and a blog about reality television called “Keeping it Real”.  As you know, I write about you a lot.  I know you know because you are talking about me. The world is small, we know people in common, and so it makes sense I would hear things about you and I assume you hear things about me too. I think we would both agree that we are very aware of each other.

As a bit of a back story, I met you years ago while working at The Beverly Hilton in Beverly Hills.  I watched you on Martha Stewart’s Celebrity Apprentice, then on the Real Housewives of New York City. I was a fan, and on those early years on RHONYC you were charming, funny, entertaining and great television.  I’m not sure when or what it was exactly that things changed for me in terms of how I viewed you, but at some point you stopped being funny and started to be obnoxious.

You have lost many fans over the years, which I imagine does not matter to you since you picked up more than you lost.  The thing is though, the fans from the beginning are the ones, like myself, who liked you when you had nothing.  We were your fans not because you sold us something, but because we wanted you to get to the place where you could sell us something.  We are not Kool-Aid drinking fans who think you care about us because we buy your stuff.  We liked you before you had so much stuff.

With your success, which is impressive, you have become mean and rather vulgar.  I am of the opinion that it’s too bad because when you were uncensored you were fabulous, but there is a thin line between racy and fun and vulgar and mean.  I no longer find you appealing to watch, but I do because I am paid to, and because I keep waiting for you to settle into your fame and fortune and get back to who you were before you became this new Bethenny.  I could be wasting my time, but whatever, I’m waiting.

I think you have been lying about a lot of things and have written as much. Your stories simply do not make sense to me, and while I am smart and educated, it does not take a scientist to put together the pieces of your stories and see that they do not add up.  From tales of your dad, your mom, your childhood, your relationships, your education, and your fame, there is something that simply does not make sense.  That said, it’s just my opinion and clearly has no impact on you or your life, or me and my life.

I like reality television and make a living writing about it.  I am not a hobby blogger, but rather someone who is employed as a writer.  I have an opinion and I share it.  I understand the game of reality television, don’t take too much of it seriously, and appreciate it as a form of entertainment.  It would appear however, that you take my writing more seriously than I take your show, so perhaps it’s time for us to talk about it.  Let’s see if you are ready for a little dose of reality into your reality television life.

On your show last week, you said that the “tow boat guy” spoke to “The Journal” and he lied.  Well, I am the writer who spoke with Tim Russell after he “saved” you, and I don’t think he was lying.  Of course I have only spoke to him and not you so it’s one sided, but this was a lovely man who was clear with his story and his opinion, and he said you lied.  Immediately after he spoke with me, you placed a gag order on him so he could not speak with me or anyone else again.  That spoke volumes about you, not him.

He was adamant that there was no emergency, you fabricated your lost at sea story, and I believed him.  Rather than call me to say it was not true, you put a gag order on him and made no attempt to set the record straight.  Now, having seen the episode of your boat trip, it would appear that it was really not a dangerous situation as much as annoying.  Why would you work so hard to hurt this man and his reputation?  If he lied then so what?  You say people lie about you all the time, where are all those gag orders?

It seems that you are able to have opinions on everyone, but nobody is able to have an opinion about you.  This man had a lot of details about your trip, and I spoke with him at great length, in addition to speaking with the Coast Guard, and the fact is Bethenny, you were never in danger.  It was an unfortunate experience that was made up for television, or perhaps was not made up for TV but simply a case of the doctor not being that talented of a sailor.  Either way, you set up this story to crumble.

You are on your show talking about how people are trying to set you up to be caught in a lie but come on, it’s not that hard.  You have lied about your mom, your dad, your childhood, your road to success, and your friendships.  People lie.  The issue here is that you are believing your own lies and it makes you look like a compulsive liar, not a woman who is being screwed over by those who are envious of her success and want to tear her down.  I can assure you I am not one of those people.

I write about reality television and someone who had an issue with you contacted me and I wrote about it.  I am not out for blood as you told your therapist, I am just writing what was told to me.  It is not envy driven criticism, it is simply spelling out the story of Tim Russell, and he was there. You are on your show ripping him apart and it’s not nice.  You are worried about your credibility, but this man has been working on the sea for 30 years and you don’t seem to mind killing his credibility.

If I am going to be completely honest, I dig you Bethenny.  You have overcome a lot of heartache and struggle to create a life for yourself that is full.  You are a mother and how you view your own mom is shaping what kind of mother you are to your own child.  There are weeks when I want to scream at you to stop lying, and others when I want to hug you and tell you I am proud of you.  At the end of the day that is the reality of reality television I suppose.  I would have sat back and done my job, but you have now brought me in.

I don’t get paid more if I write about you, and the only one getting rich off of you is your mother.  You are talking on your show about how you are going to go after everyone who lies about you, but I have yet to hear from you.  I broke the story about Tim Russell and many outlets picked it up, yet you have not written to me to say it was not true, only put a gag order on Tim Russell. Who by the way insists you did not tip him or appreciate his generous gesture of coming out to get a boat that was not in danger.

Could he be disgruntled?  Of course.  Could he be lying?  Absolutely.  Let’s talk about it.  I invite you to get in touch wit me and I will happily share with you what was shared with me, and you can set the record straight.  I am happy to have that conversation with you and your husband.  I resent you telling everyone I am a liar when you have not proven in any way that what I wrote was a lie.  If I was wrong, I will print a retraction.  I will let everyone know I was wrong, and Tim Russell was not honest when he spoke to me.

Until you stand up for yourself with me, his story stands, and my opinions stand.  I don’t understand why you are on your show clearly talking about me, yet what you are saying is again not ringing true.  You are saying you are going to stop bloggers from writing lies about you, you are clearly referring to my blog, but I have not heard from you.  I am here, I am willing to talk to you, and I am willing to say I was wrong if I was.  If you are serious about wanting people to know the truth, then get in touch and tell the truth.

I am not out to hurt you Bethenny and I’m certainly not getting rich by writing about you.  I am a single mother in my 40’s who is working hard, searching for love, and trying to do it all with my faith in tact.  Rather than hating me for hating you, perhaps you need to stop being a victim and realize there is no hate in sharing an opinion, and you have the power to set the record straight.  Get in touch, or don’t, but stop attacking me for doing my job.  I have done nothing but share a man’s story, and my opinions.

Not everyone is going to like you, or respect you, but more importantly, not everyone is out to get you, or is jealous of you.  Some people, like myself, are happy for you and wish you well, but are tired of the vulgarity, the lies, and the victim stories.  The important thing for you to know is that even when we don’t like you, we are on your side, and you could probably win a few of us back.  I think I’m officially out, but I will listen and again, if I was wrong, I will say so.  I am a writer, and my reputation is based on keeping it real.

Sincerely,

Ilana Angel
jewishjournal.com

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April 5, 2012 | 5:29 pm

The Watch What Happens Live Hour of Garbage

Posted by Ilana Angel

Has Andy Cohen lost his mind?  He is a really charming man and I appreciate all he has done for Bravo, but this hour of television was a complete and total train wreck.  It was 60 minutes of ass kissing and sucking up and I watched out of shock, not interest.  This was an embarrassment.

I really just do not get the purpose of this show and if we are going to be totally honest with each other, it was stupid.  It was not made for us fans at home, but rather for them as fans of each other, which is weird because they all love themselves but are clearly embarrassed of each other.

You could tell that some people were annoyed to not be featured on the show.  By some of course I mean everyone who did not get face time on camera with Andy.  It was like a popularity contest.  Who does Andy like the best?  Who gets to talk to him?  Who is he going to ignore?

They showed new shows that will premier in the coming weeks and honestly, I’m not sure any will be winners.  I will watch, at least once, but time will tell if they are interesting enough to get all of us to come back. Bravo is a reality television factory that produces 24 hours a day.

We need to figure out if it is a state of the art factory with air conditioning and good lighting, or if the factory needs to be shut down for subpar products.  I love reality TV but this show did not excite me about the shows as much as it embarrassed me for admitting I watch them.

The new shows are Gallery Girls, Decades, SUR, Silicon Valley, Miss Advised, and The Kandi Factory.  I could tell you what they are all about but I fear if I actually give them any thought my head might explode.  You’re all on your own with these new train wrecks.  I need an intervention.

Andy does a contest between east coast and west coast housewives and it made me want to punch things.  By things of course I mean housewives.  We meet the 3 new housewives of NYC and learn they are interesting, but we see Jill would have been great in new mix.

This is an hour long commercial for Bravo where there has been nothing entertaining or exciting.  It would have been better to not have all the people there, but rather just show us clips of the news shows and trailers of the ones coming up.  Bravo does not get us.

The show took a sad turn when the stars of Top Chef played a game with Andy.  I love this show and they have always been above the garbage level of the others, yet here they are making fools out of themselves.  In the end even gorgeous Tom is just another fame whore.

The much hyped “live” singing of Melissa Gorga and Countless are nothing more than lip syncing karaoke performances.  The singing was mortifying and after Melissa sang the camera shows Tabitha and her look of total confusion pretty much said it all.  She was disgusted.

This show was a complete waste of time and left me annoyed.  The viewers are making this network rich, yet they treat us like we are stupid.  They need to give us our garbage TV and save their love fest for themselves.  There was no reason to put this “party” on TV.

I could have spent this hour doing much more interesting things.  Like watching my hair grow, or taking out the trash.  Andy needs to spend less time using his network to entertain his friends and more time entertaining his viewers.  Time to put down the cocktails and start keeping it real.

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April 4, 2012 | 8:57 am

Shahs of Sunset: Colonic Anyone?

Posted by Ilana Angel

We start this week with Reza going over to GG’s for lunch. She is pretty and Reza is divine, but it felt a little too scripted to me.  I’m not sure if Bravo or Reza scripted it, but he got out of having to go the anniversary party of GG’s parents, and we were stuck watching an awkward exchange.

GG collects knives, likes to shoot guns, and has an apartment full of books on anger management.  It’s funny I suppose, but the scene was silly in my opinion.  Sammy is off to see Mohamed who is back.  I dig Sammy.  He is trying to impress Mohamud and it’s cute.  Again, the scene was not needed.

GG is out for lunch with her dad, who seems lovely.  He is telling her she needs to curb her spending, which is odd since he is the one who created this life for her.  She was a little disrespectful to her dad in telling him since her bills comes to his house, he is responsible to pay for them.  Not too nice.

GG tells us her parents have threatened to cut her off and I wonder why they just don’t.  GG needs to get a job and a therapist.  There is clearly more to her anger issues, and her dependency on her parents, but I like this girl.  I’m sure we’ll learn more, but even with what we know now, I like her.

Reza is over at MJ’s to walk the dogs.  MJ blames her parents for how their choices affected her, and Reza is looking to reconnect with his estranged father and wants MJ to go with him.  I love MJ and appreciate what she is saying.  I love Reza and hope his dad does good by him.

Reza thinks he is obese, and MJ needs to lose weight.  They have a history that spans decades and how they speak to, and about each other, is hilarious.  We see their truly authentic friendship and it’s fabulous.  I don’t think either one is obese, but I’m laughing out loud that they do.

GG and her sister go to buy their parents a car for their 40th anniversary. Her sister used to date Mike, is not as pretty as GG, and seems a little bitchy, but we are seeing her for 2 minutes so it’s impossible to know how she really is.  That said, in our first meeting she’s not that appealing.

Mohamed is back and Sammy is giving him a tour of what he did when he was gone.  Mohamed is hardcore and intimidating.  He is also oddly attractive, but if he cut his hair he’d be much better looking. Mohamed calls out Sammy for calling him anal and Sammy just rolls with it.

Asa is talking about her music and again, I just don’t get her.  She is beautiful, sweet and kind, but a little odd. I think it’s weird that she does not talk about how she can afford her lifestyle.  She owns a home, drives a nice car, and makes diamond water so is she also bankrolled by Daddy?

I like her music and if I understood the words I might like it better, but she is not willing to bend her artistic vision so one can assume she is a bit of snob, who is only working for the Persian community, and does not need to worry because her dad will cover her.  She should come clean.

Sidebar:  People wrote me to say MJ’s mom Vida was an anti-Semite who bashed Jewish women and were upset I did not call her out.  I think she is old, sad, bitter, and misunderstood.  On some level she hates her life, not Jews, and is there for controversy not comic relief.

Vida is over at MJ’s for her 34th birthday dinner with Reza.  They live in the same building which is fascinating.  Vida is difficult and I find myself stressed watching her.  One never knows what she will say and it’s nerve wracking.  Reza says Vida is the type of mother who eats her young.

I love Reza.  Vida has been alone for a long time and she is bitter. She is also very pretty.  Reza is sweet with Vida, and tells her she is excited to go and see his dad in New York.  There is a lot of pain for Reza and the visit is going to be intense.  Speaking of intense, here goes Vida!

Vida tells Reza what happened between his parents has nothing to do with him and he needs to let it go.  Vida says it’s okay for Reza’s dad to be a playboy and cheat around, then tells Reza to not put his dad in a cage and let him cheat.  MJ is mortified and Reza looks at her like she is crazy.

MJH shares that her mother cheated on her father and it’s sad.  Vida does not realize that the choices she made for herself have altered the life of her child and it’s sad.  I love MJ and find myself feeling sad for Vida.  She will never change so all MJ can do it love her, which is also sad.

Sammy buys some diamond stud earrings for MJ’s birthday and it’s a sweet gift.  They are very close friends and he loves her.  To Sammy, my birthday is on Saturday so let me know when we should go shopping.  This scene was about showing the spending of money and had no real value.

MJ and Reza are having birthday colonics and it’s hilarious.  Reza thinks it will help MJ lose weight.  The entire colonic scene reminds me of Lucy and Ethel.  Reza could carry his own show, and when he is on the table getting flushed, he looks really handsome which is simply weird.

With each passing week we get to know these people more, well the side of them Bravo wants us to see, and I like them.  They are authentic people, who are part of a community and culture I am not familiar with, but they make me want to know more which is good.

Reza is on a blind date with someone described as the best looking man ever, and all I can say is really?  He is a child, not at all attractive, and I simply do not believe his real name is Cheyanne. He is lacking in personality and a sense of humor and I don’t get it.

Reza is 38, this kid is barely legal, and I feel Reza’s pain.  We’ve all been on horrible dates and you can’t help but laugh.  He was brave to do it on camera and even braver to sit through the whole thing. Camera or not I might have bailed. Reza’s got balls and I applaud him.

It’s the anniversary party for GG’s parents.  She looks very pretty and the party is lovely.  Her mother is stunning and her parents make a beautiful couple.  The girls give them the car and the reaction is funny.  Mommy is thrilled and Daddy realizes he must have paid for his own gift.

Mike turns up to the party and lets just take a moment to say yummy.  Asa also shows up which is nice.  By nice of course I mean scripted. Asa and GG are not friends so it’s weird she was even invited.  Asa is recognized by some of the party guests, so now we know whey she is there.

MJ is hours late and GG is going on about her anger issues.  There has got to be something big coming up that is going to explain the anger build up, but it’s boring already.  GG has anger issues, we get it.  Show us something or move on.  MJ was so late she should have not gone.

MJ comes and says she was busy and could not get there, then gives a dig to GG about having a real job.  GG is fuming, MJ is oblivious to how rude she is, but GG will let her know at another time.  Something big is coming and it’s going to be good.  It might be sad, but it will also be good.

Next week we see the visit with Reza and his dad, and yet another blow out from GG.  I love this show and dig these people, but Bravo needs to give us what we want and not drag it along.  We are watching, we are in it, we’re not leaving, and we can take it, so stop teasing and keep it real.

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April 3, 2012 | 8:28 pm

Dancing With The Stars Gets Personal

Posted by Ilana Angel

This week is about the stars dancing to a song from a memorable year for them.  It is sappy and dramatic, everyone cries telling their personal stories, and the sympathy vote is put into play.  Some were actually quite touching, but others were hilarious.  Sorry, but come on! This was some funny stuff.

Jack Wagner:  He is crying and talking about how his adult daughter, who he did not know existed, found him last year.  He is crying and it’s gross.  He is going to dance to one of his own songs, then dedicates it to her because he loves her so much.  The song starts with a line about how their kiss gets him going.  Interesting song selection. He is an overly animated dancer and I am hoping to see Heather Locklear come to watch, but he needs to go.

Maria Menounos: She talks about how her parents were Greek immigrants and they worked cleaning nightclubs at night.  They would take the kids to work because they could not afford a babysitter.  She says when she was cleaning she would find quarters and put them in the jukebox and dance to Madonna.  Are their jukeboxes in nightclubs?  Made no sense, but the dance was beautiful.  She is a great dancer and painfully annoying to listen to.

Gladys Knight:  She picks 1957, she was 13, and it was the first tour for her and the Pips.  She dances to a song by Sam Cook, who was on her tour.  She is a legend, an entertainer, and a brilliant voice.  I really like her as an artist and as a person.  She looks pretty, but she will stay because she is Gladys Knight, not because she is a brilliant dancer.  I met her at the taping last week and this woman is divine.  I ain’t got nothing but love for her.

Roshon Fegan:  This is a cute kid.  He picks a Michael Jackson song from 1996.  I met him last week and he was beyond lovely to my 10 year old guest. He is a great dancer, his number was fun, and while I have absolutely no idea who this kid is, I like him and hope he sticks around because he’s doing great.

Gavin Degraw:  He picks a Billy Joel song from a concert he saw in 1998, which is when he moved to NYC to be a singer.  He speaks of how he was struggling and his dad came to see him and helped him get a gig.  It’s a lovely story, and he is very sweet.  I really like his personality and I think he is charming.  He was bottom two last week, but nailed it this week. I think he’s in the bottom because of lack of recognition, not because he sucks.

Sidebar:  Brooke Burke is a horrible MC.  She is awkward and weird and all she does every week is embarrass herself not enhance this show in any way. I have said it from her very first show and will say it again now:  she does not belong here and is not needed.  Tom rocks this show all by himself and they should dump her.  She is beautiful and very sweet, but she can go.

Katherine Jenkins: She picks 1996, when she was 15 years old, and her father passed away from cancer.  It was a heartbreaking story, a beautiful dance, and while I had not known of her before this show, I love her now. There is something really special about her.  She is talented, beautiful, charming and lovely.  I cried through her entire video and song.  I hope she will be in the finals, where she will have my vote.

Sherri Shepherd:  Sherri picks the year her son was born and Dear Lord I am crying again.  I am in awe of parents who have children who are ill and to hear Sherri spoke of her son is moving.  I’m crying, clapping, loving her dance, and loving when she went over to kiss her baby.  I am giving Sherri a vote and cheering her on.  Last week at the taping she was the nicest of the stars and really lovely to my young guest.  She is also a peanut!  Very, very short with killer boobs.

Melissa Gilbert:  She picks last year when she broke her back while on tour with Little House on the Prairie, The Musical.  Really?  That musical is enough for me to kick her off.  That and her dancing sucks.  I’m not a fan and think she should be the one to go.  Plus I think Max is an ass.

Jaleel White:  The rumor mill is saying that at rehearsal this week Jaleel stepped on Kym’s foot and then lost it on her.  He allegedly called her an idiot and asked producers why he was paired with such a stupid partner. Really?  If there is even a sliver of truth to this story then beyond my wanting him to go, he should be asked to leave.  Ungrateful schmuck.  His crying about wanting to entertain people was lame and I am over him.

William Levy:  He chose 1995 as his most memorable year because it’s when he left Cuba for America.  I love him.  LOVE HIM.  He danced beautifully, sang along to the words, showed his chest, and was perfect.  I love the American dream, he is living it, and he got my vote.  Bravo William.  Bruno hitting on him with his bedroom eyes was a perfect reality television moment, and William’s look of confusion and fear was even better.

Donald Driver:  He picked 2010, when his best friend died of cancer.  His dance was divine, he looked handsome, and you could feel the importance of the dance for him.  I love him and it’s not just because the Green Bay Packers are the greatest football team ever.  It was a brilliant job and he got a vote from me.

This was a really good week.  In the end it was Jack Wagner who got the boot, and I’m good with that.  We will continue to eliminate the weak and the strong will rise to the top.  I love this show.  It’s fabulous when a reality show is real.  Let’s also hope America uses her votes to keep it real.

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April 2, 2012 | 9:21 pm

Celebrity Apprentice – Let the Meltdowns Begin

Posted by Ilana Angel

We start the show with Clay giving his winning check to his charity.  It’s sweet and Clay is doing important work, but truly, this is the nicest we have seen Clay this whole season.  His fans have been writing to tell me I don’t get him and he will win me over.  I appreciate their support of him, but no matter if he wins me over or not, he has been bitchy up to now.  Period.

This weeks task is to make a Celebrity New York City guidebook that they will then sell.  Teresa Guidice is the PM, which is awesome, but Aubrey immediately predicts she will be a disaster.  There is nothing cute about Aubrey.  Dee Snider is project manager for the men.  There will be a celebrity guest judge for this task and we’ll see who it is later.

Teresa is talking about bringing in money, and Debbie is complaining that it’s Teresa’s job to bring in the money not her.  I really want this loser to get kicked off.  Dee is also pushing for money but the men are supportive.  The men are cohesive and the women are a bitch fest. Wait, I spoke too soon.  Clay is a bitch and should play with the women.

Debbie is bitching. Lisa is bitching.  Aubrey is bitching.  Clay is bitching. This show should be called Celebrity Bitch.  Teresa is working but the three evil stepsisters, Debbie, Lisa and Aubrey, are complaining about everything. They complain about Teresa not doing the right thing, but rather than help her, they sabotage her. Teresa sees what is happening and she’s ready.

Arsenio realizes he has no friends, which is entertaining, but Lisa is out of control.  She is so jealous of Dayana she loses her mind and has a nervous breakdown while dumping all over her.  She is crying because she worked so hard, and then says the pretty girls are talentless because they are so pretty.  Dear Lord, it is brilliant.  Lisa is a bitter hag who needs a drink.

The books are done and the selling has begun.  The books are being sold for $5.  Michael Andretti comes in and buys one for $20K, a couple more big checks come in, but Arsenio’s check from Jay Leno is not in and he’s going to look like a loser.  Well he would look like a loser if this was not scripted television and Leno’s check was not going to arrive with seconds to spare.

Clay is never going to like anything Penn does, which is getting old. Leno’s money does in fact not arrive in time so Arsenio has raised nothing. The big celebrity judge is Regis Philbin.  I don’t care if Reg is reading the phone book, he is entertaining.  I love him, miss him on TV, and was happy to see him here.  He should be a contestant not a guest judge.

Everyone is attacking Dayana, and once again Lisa is losing her mind.  The jealousy these freaks have for Dayana is hilarious.  Debbie is saying Teresa failed as a project manager.  Debbie says Teresa is not professional, then Teresa questions Debbie professionalism by wearing a top with her boobs hanging out.  Debbie says she is dressed like a pop singer.

Really?  Debbie is dressed like a hooker not a pop star. This show is finally getting good.  The women lose the task by a whopping $14 and it’s a drag because I wanted Teresa to win.  Arsenio brought in no money, but they still won and he’s lucky because he would have been fired for sure.  It’s time to fight it out and this might better than a table flip.

Teresa takes Dayana and Debbie into the boardroom and it’s a shame because Aubrey brought in the least amount of money and should have gotten canned. Best part is Teresa talking about Debbie being a has been. Debbie is annoyed, refuses to hug Teresa goodbye, and tells us she was not fired for being Debbie Gibson.  Only in her dreams!

Important to note that I have been complaining for weeks that this show is 2 hours long because it clearly should only be 1 hour.  I just realized that is it is actually 3 hours this week and I want to scream.  Instead I am pouring myself some wine, firmly placing my finger on the fast forward button, and settling in for what will feel like another four hours.

Dee gives his winnings to March of Dime and we are ready for our next task. The teams are split up into co-ed groups.  Arsenio is stuck with Aubrey, who he hates, and Lisa is stuck with Dayana, who she hates.  It’s a task about a walking program for Walgreens with Lou leading his new team and Arsenio finally taking on project manager and leading his new team.

Paul, Teresa, Aubrey, Clay, and Arsenio are one team and Aubrey is giving me a headache. She will not stop talking.  She has it out for Arsenio and it’s weird to watch.  The executives from Walgreens arrive to meet the team and Aubrey steps all over Arsenio’s toes and he clearly hates her as much as she hates him.  We might actually get entertained tonight!

Lisa, Dee, Lou, Dayana, and Penn are the other team.  The men love Dayana and it is pissing Lisa off even more.  Lou wants to be the star, again, and Penn thinks it’s a bad idea, again.  Back with Arsenio’s team, Aubrey is a bulldozer and she is flattening everything and everyone who gets in her way, especially her leader.  I want to cut this chick’s tongue out.

Aubrey calls Arsenio a has been, then in taking everyone’s picture for the project, takes an ugly shot of Arsenio.  On the other side, Penn leaves for a show and Lisa is bummed.  Dee loves Dayana and Lisa is pissed.  She simply cannot stand it that Dayana is young and beautiful.  Donald Jr. comes in and she is throwing daggers at Dee for his praise of gorgeous Dayana.

Arsenio does not like the picture she took and Aubrey essentially says he is ugly, the picture looks like him, and therefore he should come to terms with the fact that he is ugly.  Eric comes in to check on the team and Aubrey is talking as if she is the leader.  She realizes she is taking over, Arsenio confirms she is, and she takes a step back but is pissed about it.

Thanks to my Merlot, I have convinced myself they will fire one person from each team, and it will be Lisa and Aubrey.  I love me some Merlot.  Lisa is insisting the gorgeous Dayana does not wear a bikini.  She then tells Dee that she is pissed he supported Dayana because she is a moron and he needs to realize she is an idiot.  Lisa is a complete and total bitch.

Lou’s team is doing a great job, then Penn calls Walgreen’s Walmart and it’s awesome.  There is an awkward silence, but Dayana steps in and saves the moment.  It was a good presentation, even with the mistake, and even though the packaging and branding was not great, overall they did well. Dayana and Lou did great.  The judges like it a lot and we are off to the next one.

Arsenio’s team present a game show with him as the host and it’s cool.  They nail it in terms of their packaging and the presentation.  Teresa is cute, Paul is moving, Clay is fun, and Aubrey is a stupid skank.  I really hope they lose though so that Arsenio and Aubrey can get into a huge fight, he can call her out for being a bitch and she can get fired.  I love Merlot.

Lisa tells Trump Lou is a bad manager and Lou defends himself.  Penn stays out of the fight, Dee defends Penn for leaving for part of the task. Clay says Teresa is a better team player than Aubrey, and Arsenio says Aubrey is difficult but in a super nice way.  He then slams her by implying that rather than being full of ideas, she is full of crap. And so it begins.

Lou’s team admits Arsenio’s team had better packaging, then Aubrey takes credit for all of it and Arsenio finally blows.  He says she did not write it all and he is pissed.  Lisa is clearly uncomfortable and it’s freaking awesome.  Arsenio and Aubrey are now full on fighting.  Arsenio says she is all about her and he is right.  Aubrey is a freak.

The executives loved the look of what Arsenio did, but did not think the message was not delivered.  Arsenio is calling Aubrey selfish and this is the best this show has been all season.  Clay tells Trump he agrees with Arsenio.  Aubrey starts crying and asks Teresa for back up then Trump calls her out and tells her to leave Teresa out of it.  Fan-freaking-tastic.

The executives hated the Walmart slip on Lou’s team, and hated the look of their packaging.  Arsenio wins and he cries to have won the money and it’s very sweet.  Damn it that Aubrey gets to stay, but Mazel to Arsenio.  I am totally crushing on him right now.  I’m guessing Dee or Penn will get fired and that’s too bad because I love them both.

Aubrey is threatening to quit and I am praying she does.  We see the final commercial for the Walgreen’s walk program with Arsenio, Alison Sweeney and Magic Johnson.  It’s a great program.  Arsenio is crying and talking about his cousin who died of AIDS and it’s touching.  Meanwhile Lou is disappointed he lost and insistent that he is not the one to be fired.

Lou immediately throws Dee under the bus.  Lou is sweet but a bit of a goof. Lisa says it should be Dayana that should be fired.  Lou brings Dee and Dayana back into the boardroom and defends his choice to not bring Penn, even though he made a huge mistake.  Aubrey has still not shown up and Arsenio is going off on her again.  I really, really hope she quits.

Arsenio is dropping F Bombs all over Aubrey and he now looks like a crazy person.  A crazy person I love.  Dayana has no clue why everyone hates her. Dee and Lou are fighting it out and in the end Dee gets fired for designing the box, which is what lost the task for them.  I dig Dee and while Lou is a bit odd, it was the right choice.  Lou can go though.

This is the first week of this season that was actually good and next week looks even better.  Maybe it just took a while to get its stride going, but I’m happy to see it finally happening.  I am looking forward to more fireworks, happy Teresa is still in, and am in for at least another week. I will continue to blog as long as Trump can keep it real.

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April 1, 2012 | 4:51 pm

A Conversation with MJ of Shahs of Sunset

Posted by Ilana Angel

I have interviewed a lot of reality personalities.  Some have been around for a long time, and some are new to the spotlight.  I have liked most and loved a couple, but never have I spoken with one who truly changed me.  Not in star struck way, but in an authentic and heartfelt way.  Until now.  Mercedes “MJ” Javid has touched my heart in a truly profound way.

MJ is a very sweet woman and in speaking with her I saw my own life, and that of my child, in a way that has forced me to look at my life as a divorced single parent, and my son as an only child.  I entered into our conversation thinking MJ was a fun yet sloppy drunk who was perfect for reality television, and I ended the conversation wanting to spend time with her.

MJ was born in the United States to two Persian parents.  She is proud to be Persian and hopes Shahs of Sunset will give people a glimpse into her community that teaches and enlightens, but also provides a few laughs.  She is excited about the show, loyal to the cast, has authentic friendships with them all, and a special and close relationship with both Reza and Sammy.

Sidebar: This girl can drink and watching her in Vegas was hilarious. I told her it was funny when she started to take off her clothes in the club.  I figured she was going to strip but MJ explained she was worried if she got sick she would ruin her dress, so it was coming off.  Even when hammered she was going to save the dress! This is a sloppy and adorable drunk.

MJ works full time and is trying to stay focused on her work and still enjoy the success of the show.  She is a very successful real estate agent and has worked hard to establish herself.  She has an insane amount of confidence and that comes because of her dad, and in spite of her mother.  MJ loves her parents and her talking about them is powerful.

It is unusual for Persians to get divorced.  It is culturally taboo and so if your marriage is not satisfying, you suck it up and live your life as a family. MJ’s parents divorced when she was young.  Her parents moved into the same complex so she could easily go back and forth between both homes. She is very close with her dad and loves her mom, even though she’s tough.

We’ve met her mom on the show and she is sweet, although a little harsh. Her parents have been divorced for 25 years and neither one remarried which is interesting.  Her dad made a decision to not remarry because he did not want his little girl, his only child, to ever feel threatened by another woman.  She was his focus and did not want her to ever feel otherwise.

MJ’s childhood has not left her against marriage as much as afraid of divorce.  She would like to get married and have a family, but she will not settle for anything less than fabulous because she does not want the same fate as her parents.  She has been in serious relationships, but it never led to marriage.  It’s going to take someone special to win her over.

MJ feels a tremendous responsibility to her parents.  It’s cultural on a lot of levels, but I think her need to take care of them now is more about her being decent than it is about being Persian.  As an only child they are all she has, and that is a lot of pressure.  I often think about the pressures of being a single parent, but don’t often reflect on being only child.

I am one of four kids in my family and so there has always been back up.  When my dad got cancer we banded together to support him and each other. When he died, my siblings and I could call each other to reminisce and remind each other of wonderful things about him.  It was comfortable and safe.  As my mother ages, we are united in being there for her.

MJ is young and vibrant, yet she is tied to her parents, and as an only child it is all up to her.  She has built a life for herself that is independent, but also requires her to devote a lot of energy on her parents.  She wants to keep her parents company and be there for them, but as they get older it becomes more obvious that the burden is hers and hers alone.

The word burden is an unfortunate one and MJ was quick to point out that it is not a burden, but rather an obligation and even then it is her pleasure to help her parents.  She speaks of them with love but one can tell she is tired. Not exhausted from the work, but rather from the pressure.  Pressure she puts on herself in addition to the pressure from her parents.

I made a conscious decision to not have another baby after my divorce because I never wanted my son to feel he needed to share me with anyone. I never got serious with anyone until he was old enough to understand he was my top priority.  I feel a bond with MJ’s dad as my choices have been very much like his.  I always thought those choices were brilliant.

It turns out that maybe they weren’t.  My son and I are very close, but I don’t want him to ever think of me as a burden or an obligation.  It’s been him and me for so long that I know he worries about me and feels the need to care for me.  It is a wonderful thing that he loves me like this, but at the same time he needs to live his life and that means letting me go.

MJ explained that culturally the family is one unit.  Parents raise children, then children welcome in their parents.  Her parents will live with her before they ever go to a retirement community or nursing home, which is lovely. Perhaps the lesson here is that my son should find a nice Persian Jewish girl so I am guaranteed to not be shipped off to an old folks home.

MJ is smart, funny, kind, soft spoken, articulate, and not what I was expecting.  She is good reality television to be sure, but I view her differently now.  This is not a wild child who goes to Vegas, gets hammered, and takes her clothes off for fun.  This is a working woman who goes to Vegas to have a break from her busy and grown up life.

I asked MJ to tell me three words she would use to describe herself and she chose independent, strong and self-confident.  My words for MJ would be loving, beautiful and inspiring.  She is an amazing woman and Shahs of Sunset does not even begin to show us all that she is.  This is a woman who is building a life, while watching over her parent’s lives, and balancing it all.

I hope the show will reveal how remarkable this woman is.  I hope we will get to meet her dad and understand her mom.  I hope she meets a wonderful man who is smart enough to see how great she is, and strong enough to win her over.  I am going to try to find that man for her.  Mercedes Javid is a new kind of reality star, in that her reality makes her a star.

I love Shahs of Sunset.  It is funny and interesting.  I have now spoken with both MJ and Sammy, with additional conversations to come, and I am quickly learning that these are good people.  They are sweet, charming and kind.  We are seeing a part of their lives on the show, but in the end their real lives are equally, if not more interesting and entertaining.

Ryan Seacrest has a hit on his hands.  We are watching and loving it, so I hope he uses the second season, and there will be a second season, to give a little less TV with a little more reality because the reality of these people makes good television.  If you have not watched this show, check it out. To my darling MJ Joon, you are good, and I respect how you keep it real.

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