February 19, 2012 | 11:16 pm

My Final Real Housewives of Atlanta Blog

Posted by Ilana Angel

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I tried to recap tonight’s episode from Africa and in the end just could not do it.  These chicks are shallow, petty, pathetic, jealous, bitchy and catty.  I could not get through it.  I am over these women and will no longer write about it.  I am checking out of Atlanta for good.  However, not before I give one final opinion of the “ladies”.

Cynthia:  This woman has two very separate personalities.  The one she shows to the talls and the one she saves for the smalls.  She is not loyal to anyone, and is just so dumb I find her hard to take.  I feel bad for her because I think she is inherently kind, but she is a robot and sucks up to whoever she is with.  We have no idea what her real opinions are.

Kandi:  Deep down in her talented self, she is really mean.  By deep down of course I mean she wears it on the surface.  This woman is skanky in what she is willing to talk about sexually when she has a young daughter.  I think she is rude, a troublemaker, immature and comes across as dirty not classy.  I would not want to be her friend because you cannot trust her.

Kim: If this chick thinks we believe for one minute she would have gone to Africa she is insane.  There is no way she is taking her wig collection on safari.  Kim got exactly what she wanted with her husband, new baby, and own reality show so good for her, but don’t think we are as dumb as you Kim. You were never going to Africa and we all know it Sweetie.

NeNe:  I like NeNe and think she is the breakout star of this show, but even she is not entertaining enough for me to watch this crap fest. The best thing NeNe can do for herself is walk away from this pathetic show, focus on her career outside of Bravo, take care of her kids, dump the creepy Italian, and try to win back the fans she lost along the way.

Phaedra:  Of all the women on the show Phaedra should be the most embarrassed.  She talks about being a Southern belle and how she is the most sophisticated of the group, but in the end this woman is not that classy if she continues to be on a show that is so unladylike.  This is not a show for ladies, so one can assume she really is not one.

Sheree:  This woman is simply not appealing.  She cannot speak English, has no respect for her friends, her children, or herself.  She is a grown woman who lives off her mother and I don’t get it.  She has not finished anything she started on this show, from her clothing line to her house, and there is nothing credible about her.  Lying is not cute Sheree.

If I were a strong and fabulous southern woman these women would piss me off to no end.  I don’t know much about the south, but I know enough to say that these women are embarrassing themselves, Atlanta, black women, and women in general.  I have been to Atlanta several times and it is a great city so it’s a shame these women are who Bravo has representing.

And so my blogging days about the unreal women of Atlanta comes to an end. I am not going to waste my time watching them, let alone writing about them. I checked out of Orange Country this week also, which is not a good sign for Bravo. They better figure this train wreck out because we are bored.  Time to take a close look at the franchise and start keeping it real.

February 16, 2012 | 5:27 pm

The Real Housewives of Orange County are Over

Posted by Ilana Angel

I watched last weeks premier of RHOC and it took me 3 hours because I was so bored I stopped several times. These women are not interesting and have become a cliché.  Between the nipped bodies, plumped up faces, bleached hair, and fake friendships, I am done.  This is my one and only blog on this very tired show.

The ladies are having dinner at Vickie’s house and it is beyond stupid.  By stupid of course I mean these women are so stupid they don’t understand they have signed onto a show we all watch with the sole purpose of laughing at them.  We are mocking you, and think you are pathetic.  Good choices ladies. Let the public humiliation begin.

Tamra and Gretchen have decided to be friends and I’m not buying it. This show is so desperate for excitement they are making these chicks do stuff that is not real, and they are so dumb and such fame whores, that they do it.  There is a new chick, Heather, who once again proves there are no cool Jews on reality television.

Tamra is a bitch and a moron. Gretchen is a bitch and a moron.  Alexis is a bitch and a moron.  Vicki is a bitch and a moron.  Not sure about Heather yet, but I think we can safely assume she will end up being a bitch.  Probably not a moron but she agreed to go this show so it won’t be a great leap to being a moron for her. They are having Cajun food because Vicki is proud as it’s the cuisine of the south where her boyfriend is from.  Important to note, her boyfriend is a douchelord who has been arrested for failure to pay child support.  He is into her money and I do not believe she is anything other than a money train.  I could be wrong, but I’m not.

Tamra and Gretchen are friends but Tamra is calling out Gretchen for having her lips done, which she denies.  We are supposed to believe her lips got twice as big from the plumper she sells?  Tamra is good friends with Vicki, but she is trashing her dinner.  Tamra is not a good friend, or girlfriend apparently. Peggy is digging at Alexis and it’s uncomfortable.  Peggy is calling Alexis dumb which is hilarious because Peggy is not that sharp.  Peggy slept with Alexis’s husband Jim back in the day and Alexis cannot forgive her for not telling her.  Peggy totally should have told her, but so should have her husband.

Peggy approaches Alexis and Alexis handles herself quite nicely.  She is calm, but wrong.  Her husband banged a chick, then met her, let her be friends with his old sex buddy, and never told her.  Peggy was a money whore so you can forgive her the indiscretion, but her husband should have told her. Peggy feels bad and cries to Vicki and Tamra.  She tells them Jim is shady and implies he could have had her hurt if she told Alexis.  Jim was a pig, is a pig, and will always be a bog.  I get Alexis is mad, but move on and direct your anger at the pig not the whore.  Peggy announces she is out of the group.

We get a formal introduction to Heather and I am wondering if she is Jewish by birth or converted to marry her husband.  I’m betting she is a convert. I like her because she is bold and speaks her mind, but she pulls the Jew card early and it sets her up for being labeled the crazy Jew who is a snob and only cares about money.  Sidebar:  I hate it when Jews are not cool on television.  I have been waiting years for a cool Jew to be on reality TV. Her house is beautiful, her kids are beautiful, her husband is lovely, and she is a stereotyped parody of what people think Jews are like.  It’s a shame. Bravo sucks when it comes to Jews on TV.

Tamra and Eddie, along with Vickie and Brooks are going to Catalina for the weekend.  Tamra is talking to Eddie and it sounds lame and rehearsed. Tamra is not at all interesting and he’s sweet so I don’t get it.  Vicki calls Brooks and says, “It’s Vickie”, and he says, “Hi Vicki”, and it’s awkward.  She immediately tells him what to bring, what to wear, and it has to be the things she bought for him.  I don’t get how anyone is into a woman like this.  You cannot have any balls when hers are so big.  Over to Gretchen, that she is still with Slade makes no sense.  He is a pig and leaching off of her.

We are off to Catalina and get our first look at Brooks up close and personal. He’s creepy.  He gives her a card and I’m not paying attention to what it says because I am focused on Vicki’s face, which is so puffy and full of filler that she looks like a freak.  Even her dimples look smaller because her face is so swollen.  We then take a quick trip to LA to see Gretchen doing a photo shoot with one of her painfully ugly handbags.  She is naked, Slade is being emasculated, and her laugh is nails on a chalkboard.  He is useless, she publicly humiliates him, and I almost feel bad for him.  By almost of course I mean I don’t feel bad at all.

Back to Catalina, Vicki is a bitch, her boyfriend is a loser, Eddie is wasting his time, and Tamra crosses the line.  Vicki and Eddie are playing around and flirt in a super cute way.  Tamra gets upset and puts the hand of Brooks on her boob.  Eddie is pissed, Vickie is shocked, and Brooks is mortified. The episode ends with Eddie and Tamra fighting.  I am honestly over this show.  If I stumble upon it I might tune in, if I have wine, but my blogging of the RHoOC has come to an end.  I wish them well, hope Heather is not a crazy Jewish bitch, and officially give up on their ever keeping it real.

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February 14, 2012 | 10:01 am

The Bachelor Belize Recap

Posted by Ilana Angel

We have reached the point of the season where every single thing Ben does annoys us, and we realize how truly weird he is.  He is not a catch, he is a pig. He is not romantic, he is slutty.  He needs to wash his hair, stop pretending these fabulous dates have anything to do with him, and grow up.  He is making all of his decisions with his little friend, not his head.

We are in Belize, which is gorgeous, and hearing Ben talk about it like he is a native makes me want to chew on glass, as that will be more entertaining.  I am once again amazed by what these poor girls are willing to do to end up with this man.  This show is a nightmare but I cannot get enough of it.  Love will not be found so why are we so invested in these pathetic kids?

We have 6 women left and tonight we go down to 4 with hometown dates next week.  Chris is in Belize explaining how the show works to the girls because none of them have ever seen it and have no idea what is going to happen.  These girls are really dumb and don’t get that we watch because it is crack, not because we care about Ben or his fake girlfriends.

Lindzi gets the first one-on-one date and as she puts on her makeup I find myself screaming at the television for her to brush her hair. This chick refuses to brush the back of her head.  Nicki is having a meltdown in the first five minutes and so you know there will be drama.  By drama of course I mean the need for me to drink to numb the pain of this show.

Ben and Lindzi head off in a helicopter and we listen to the sappy music while Lindzi tells us how in love she is with a complete stranger she has known for a couple of weeks and spent a few hours with.  It’s very romantic.  They head out to a coral reef and are going to jump from the helicopter into the water. Really?  She is terrified but she is going to do it for love!

Who would really put aside all of their massive fears to jump out of a helicopter for man who is making out with five other women?  Someone desperate with no real sense of self would be my guess.  Lindzi tells us if you love someone enough you can do anything and I am laughing, pouring more wine, and thankful I am not young and stupid.

Its time for dinner and it’s hilarious because they are walking along a pier, come across pillows, blankets and candles when Lindzi asks if it is for them.  Really?  No Lindzi, it is for another date in the middle of the night for another couple that is selling their dignity for fifteen minutes of fame you silly girl.  These people become less entertaining every week.

Lindzi has a weird annunciation problem, and her hair looks like crap, again. Their date is lame, and the letter in the bottle activity would be sweet in real life, but here just looks ridiculous.  Lindzi is annoying me to no end, and back at the house Emily gets the next one-on-one date and Courtney is crying and bitching about how sad she is that it’s not her.

Emily getting a date is stupid because he is not into her.  She complained about Courtney and he’s can’t get past it, but is being forced by the producers to take her out.  She is funny and a little quirky, but there is just no way he is keeping her.  Too much time has passed for him to catch up with her, but he will make out with her because he is a complete pig.

Ben and Emily are going to catch their own lobsters for dinner and Emily says she loves how spontaneous Ben is.  I cannot stop laughing because every step this man takes, and every word he says, is planned out. There is nothing spontaneous about him.  Watching the lobsters get caught is disgusting to me and I’m skipping over the carnage.

Back at the hotel Courtney is crying about how sad she is Ben is giving Emily, who was so mean to her, so much attention.  If you mute your television during this part and make up your own dialogue with Courtney talking about what a loser she is and that she cannot believe she is there getting famous, it’s much more entertaining than what she is really saying.

Emily tells Ben she is sorry she wasted so much talking about Courtney by talking about Courtney.  Back at the house Courtney is being a spoiled brat and totally grossing out the other women.  Courtney is a troll with a weird mouth and she is nauseating.  I also think she is bi-polar.  She is whining, then laughing, then crying, then being a cocky bitch.  Total whack.

Kacie B is the sweetest girl but even she is having thoughts of killing Courtney which is fantastic.  Courtney is talking about how she needs to see Ben or she is not going to accept a rose. As if.  She would sleep with him for a rose. Wait, she already did.  She is playing the game, manipulating Ben, and convincing him she is good when we all know she is evil.

Courtney is telling Ben she has lost the spark and it’s so transparent that you have to wonder exactly how stupid Ben is.  He tells her she is weird, and he is weird, so they are perfect.  Ben is a moron.  There is no nice way to say it, or spin it differently.  Ben is a moron and it would appear that right now he is picking Courtney which is proof this is show is lame.

Courtney and Ben go for dinner and I am on my 2nd glass of wine.  I think chewing glass would be more fun than watching this show, but I keep watching.  Courtney is a freak and I imagine quite dirty.  She has a weird mouth and a weird voice, and needs to be medicated to control her mood swings.  Courtney is playing the game and winning.

Courtney shows her second personality to the camera, out of earshot of Ben, and we see exactly how unwell she is.  The other girls get a date card and the three remaining ladies are going on a group date.  The girls are trashing Courtney, which is cool with me.  Nicki, Kacie B and Rachel are the group and Courtney is lying her way into Ben’s useless heart.

Courtney is blowing smoke up Ben’s ass and he is buying every last drop of what she is selling.  Ben says his biggest fear is falling in love with a woman that nobody likes.  Really? That is your fear moron?  Courtney is evil and that you are meeting her family tells us that this show is rigged for drama and has nothing at all to do with finding love.

Ben wakes up the girls at 4 am to take them swimming with sharks. Seriously?  Who is going to swim with sharks to impress this loser?  They are shaving their legs, running around with morning breath, and off to humiliate themselves by showing the world how completely desperate and lonely they are.  Dear Lord why do I buy into this show?

Ben is telling us that swimming with sharks is the key to a relationship, or some other bull crap.  Rachel is not into it, Nicki and Kacie B are game, and this show makes me want to cut myself.  I would not swim with sharks for George Clooney let along a lame ass like Ben.  What are these women thinking? You know Rachel is going to do it, then get dumped by Ben.

Rachel, Nicki and Kacie B are begging Ben to give them a rose and it’s gross. They all dump their feelings all over him and he does not appear to be listening to any of them.  I’m skipping over the begging because it is making me sick.  They are not in love with him, they are in love with love. His kissing all of them is repulsive and the group date rose goes to Kacie B.

Nicki, Rachel, and Kacie B tell Ben he needs to watch out for Courtney because she cannot be trusted.  So now everyone there has said Courtney is bad, and Ben is fearful he will love someone nobody else likes, but everyone is telling him they do not like her, which means she will get a rose.  This show is predictable and pathetic and has nothing to do with love.

The girls are all stressed out about getting a rose and Courtney is going an and on about how Ben is not the only guy in the world and not their only shot at love.  Courtney is a skank and I don’t believe a word she says.  It’s fascinating that Ben keeps her around.  Chris Harrison comes out and says there is no cocktail party because Ben has made his choice.

Ben comes out and tells the girls he needs to talk to Courtney alone for a minute.  She skips off with him while the others are freaking out.  Ben wants Courtney to assure him she is there for the right reasons.  Really?  Do you think she is going to tell you the truth?  No Ben, I’m here to get famous. Ben is dumb and Courtney is staying.  Hearts are about to break.

Kacie B, Nicki, Lindzi, and Courtney are getting hometown dates while Rachel and Emily are sent packing.  They do the mandatory ugly cry and look in disbelief, which is hilarious because they both knew they never had a shot in hell.  Emily was a tattletale and Rachel was closed off.  No big surprises here but the crying is awfully entertaining.  Sad, but super funny.

Next week is the hometown dates and it’s always interesting to see where these people come from.  There will be lots of thoughtful pauses and bad acting and the only good thing about this week is that we are one week closer to being done.  Ben was a stupid choice and all good feelings I had for him are gone.  I could care less who he picks, and that is keeping it real.

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February 13, 2012 | 10:45 pm

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills - DONE!

Posted by Ilana Angel

We are finally at the place we have all been waiting for, the final episode of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. This has been a dark and depressing season.  By dark and depressing of course I mean Bravo decided to be disrespectful by having loyal viewers watch two women, one a liar and one an addict, crawl their way through crap.  It is fitting that my final blog of the season be balls to the wall.  Buckle up people.

Before I address the show, I want to clarify a few of things.  It is my opinion that:

Adrienne is useless on this show.
Brandi is a star and what this show needs.
Camille has paid her dues and come out golden.
Dana is even more useless than Adrienne.
Kim never should have been on this show.
Kyle is a bitch and a twat.
Lisa is too good for these skanks.
Taylor is a pathological liar.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s talk about the final episode of the reunion, and the end of the season.  Andy is still talking to Taylor about her stupid book of lies.  I know people are sensitive about abuse, but I feel quite comfortable saying that I do not believe Taylor’s claims about Russell. She is rehearsed, sounds fake, and he is not here to defend himself.  I feel sick for his kids that she is doing this to their dad.

Taylor is talking about a time when she was with friends, and they were witness to his abuse.  He apparently knocked out the friend and tried to drown her.  When he almost killed her, the friend miraculously came to, and had $10K worth of plastic surgery.  Is she high?  Come on Taylor.  It’s not true and with all the people who are questioning you, just get the friend to come forward, and confirm what you are claiming.

We are supposed to believe he dislocated her jaw and she snapped it back in over the toilet?  Seriously, I’m not buying it. Sorry.  Brandi is not having it either, says she thinks it’s horrible for Taylor to talk about it all when he cannot defend himself, and Taylor looks at her with a glazed look of “You can’t get me off my script”.  I cannot listen to her spew her crapfest any longer so I am moving on from this horrific bitch.

Dana comes on to talk and seriously I could care less.  I thought she as useless on the show and she is forgettable now.  She is desperate to be famous but she is not appealing and her fiance is a schmuck.  This chick is a whack job and with all the money she has, couldn’t she get better extensions?  I’ve interviewed her and she was sweet, but that does not translate here. I’m skipping over her so I don’t fall asleep.

Mauricio, Ken, and Paul join the ladies and while nothing they are saying is even remotely interesting, there was some interesting things of note. Adrienne looks at Paul with palpable disgust and I find it unnerving.  Ken is darling and he and Lisa are very cute.  Mauricio is handsome to be sure, but his wife is disgusting so what does that say about him?  Kyle we love your husband, but even he can’t change how we see you.

Kim comes on to talk about her experience and here’s the thing, it was heartbreaking.  This woman, who we all grew up loving, is a mess and that she is on this show is horrific.  Kyle brought her on the show, knowing she was an addict, which speaks volumes about who Kyle is as a sister and a human being. I think the best thing Kim can do for herself is stay off of this show and away from her mean spirited and selfish sister.

I am of the belief that Kim was high for this interview.  She was speaking slowly and slurred, was aware, but out of it, and it made me sad.  I wish this woman well and will keep her in my prayers.  I think the question is not whether or not Kim will return to the show next season, but if she will be alive next season.  This is a tragedy waiting to unfold and God willing we will not be reading about her overdosing alone somewhere.

Kim has avoided watching the show all season as it’s too had for her, yet Andy tells her he has it if she wants to watch it.  She just got out of rehab, is clearly still struggling, and he offers up her humiliation on a silver platter? Andy Cohen is a whore and this was disgusting.  I love Andy but this was a massive lapse of judgment and he should have respected Kim enough to leave her alone.  You are Jackhole of the week Andy.

Kyle joins Kim and Andy and it’s repulsive.  Kyle makes me want to hurl.  She cannot allow her sister to have any success without hanging onto it.  Kyle Richards is happy when her sister fails so she can look better.  Kyle saying that she does not regret having her sister on the show, when she sees what the pressure did to her, tells me that Kyle cares about Kyle.  She is her sister’s biggest enemy and it’s too bad.

This final hour of the show was just too much.  Why did Kim have her purse? To hold her drugs.  Why was Kyle there with Kim?  Because she cannot stand the attention being on anyone but her?  This year was horrible, with the only good thing being the introduction of Brand Glanville.  Brandi, Camille and Lisa are the beginnings of a good show.  If they dump Kyle and Adrienne, and keep Kim, they will have gold.  Come on Bravo. Stop being douchelords, and start keeping it real.

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February 13, 2012 | 10:09 am

Real Housewives of Atlanta Ruin Africa Week 2

Posted by Ilana Angel

These episodes in Africa have proven two things to the world.  One: Africa is glorious and everyone should visit if they are given the opportunity, and two: these women are embarrassing and should not be allowed to travel.  If I lived in Atlanta I would be mortified that these women are what is representing my city.  These chicks are a mess.

Before we get started, I’d like to address Bravo for a minute.  Really Bravo? Why is there so much recapping?  You don’t need three weeks of shows in Africa if it’s all recapping and barely two episodes of original footage.  It’s annoying that we watch, are loyal, and you recap things excessively as if we are morons and can’t remember what we’ve seen already.

The talls go out for dinner on their own, then head to a club.  The smalls leave their party and head over to meet them.  Sheree is confused by why Marlo was so upset about not being included, and Marlo is acting like a fool. The smalls arrive at the club, Marlo hugs Phaedra and Kandi, then flips the bird to Sheree.  Marlo is ridiculous which in this group is pathetic.

Marlo is throwing cash around, clearly in an attempt to prove to Sheree she has more money than her, so Kandi and Phaedra start picking up the money and putting it in their clothes.  Phaedra is hilarious and says she needs new shoes, Pampers, and souvenirs.  Phaedra cracks me up and it’s sweet she is thinking about her baby and husband back home.

In the car ride home from the club NeNe needs potato ships, or soup, which I thought was funny.  It’s a clear division of smalls and talls although Phaedra and Kandi are being nice in the group.  Marlo lets us know her sugar daddy was sixty not eighty, and she loved it.  I think Marlo is pretty, but she strikes me as very manly and I’m curious about her men.

The ladies get to their safari location, Shamwari Game Reserve, which is fantastic.  They meet the staff and hear about the amenities.  Everyone is asking about the gym, the spa, and then Marlo wants to know about hair and makeup.  She is told they don’t have it, so asks them to bring someone in. Really?  Why does Marlo need to many female touchups?  Hmmm.

They are getting a tour of the rooms and there are four fabulous rooms and two more old fashioned rooms.  They put al the names in a bowl and draw for beds.  The two less fabulous rooms, which for the record are fabulous, go to Marlo and NeNe.  The smalls are gloating a little that they scored the “better” locations on their FREE TRIP TO AFRICA. Losers.

Africa is beautiful and it’s sad to me that these women get a free ride to paradise when they don’t seem to appreciate it at all.  Phaedra, Sheree, Kandi and Cynthia are at breakfast, waiting for Marlo and Nene who are getting hair and makeup done to go on a Safari.  They are dressed to the nines and wearing 6 inch heels which is offensive.

Marlo is decked in designer fabulous from head to toe and thinks she “looks Safari”.  Too funny.  The smalls are certain Marlo is going to push Cynthia out of her bond with NeNe, and Marlo is a pretentious ass and embarrassing herself.  NeNe gets flowers from creepy Italian guy John, and it’s weird.  I love NeNe but she needs someone less odd.

The smalls are making fun of Marlo, and then when they get the cars to go, there is clearly room for all of them to go in one car, but they are told they are going in two cars, which is stupid, and bad forced drama from Bravo. Putting them all together would have been better in the long run over the one second of drama in separating them.

NeNe mentions they can all fit together but the split happens quickly and the safari is on.  Marlo will not stop talking, she tells the driver to shoot animals in the head, and complains that the roads need to be paved because it’s too bumpy.  I love the tour guids and feel the need to write them and say sorry. NeNe is freaking out at the site of a turtle.

The smalls come across giraffes and instead of taking in the awe of it all, they are making fun of Nene and Marlo.  They come across elephant dung, which to me would be exciting that they are close by, and the girls are asking what size an elephants ass is that he can make such a big poop.  Really?  These chicks are a nightmare and I am embarrassed for them.

They see zebras and Marlo let’s us know she has a zebra rug in her home and I am just grossed out by her.  The ladies are on a search for a tiger and when they hear there are no tigers in Africa, only lions, they are shocked. These girls are dumb and I want to slap them upside the head and tell them to grow up and appreciate where they are lucky enough to be.

The ladies go to a school and an orphanage, and it’s heartbreaking to me. The kids are really beautiful and it seems off to me that they are brought out for a little show.  Phaedra says buying them supplies and treats is the right thing to do, which I agree, but it’s the visit that I find troubling.  Is it not sad for these kids to see people coming in and out of their lives?

If I were waiting for a family, I don’t know that foreigners coming in and out would make me happy.  I’m not an expert, and it’s just my opinion, but I suggest you read these articles by Tamara Tattles and Black Girl Travel. They take a look inside the business of visiting orphanages in Africa and show what this trip could have, and should have been.

The ladies in the car passing out things to the children on the side of the road is very upsetting to me.  I’m not sure why I was so offended, but it made me cry and I find myself angry at Bravo for not using these episodes as an opportunity to raise money for these people.  Put a number on the screen to help them instead of showing these fools crying.

The ladies take a picture with a class of young kids and you know they are going to show the pictures around Atlanta and talk about how it changed their lives when you know it didn’t.  It was disrespectful to me, and while I was not there, it was edited in a way that was just not cool.  Nice they bought so much stuff, but where is the big picture?  Sorry if that offends.

Next week is the final week of Africa and it will be full of ungrateful and entitled women prancing around making fools out of themselves, with a guest appearance by Kim.  This show is getting on my nerves and this week left me very unsatisfied.  I’ll be back next week of course, but I imagine it will be another hour of nobody really keeping it real.

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February 10, 2012 | 4:25 pm

A Conversation with Lori Greiner of Shark Tank

Posted by Ilana Angel

I love ABC’s Shark Tank.  It is fun, smart and thoroughly entertaining.  The idea of watching the American dream come true for someone is exhilarating, and truth be told,  I happen to think Kevin O’Leary is one of the sexiest men on television.  I dig his bald head and wicked sense of humor. The American dream is a beautiful thing, but this man is divine.

I like all the sharks actually.  They fit together well and balance each other out.  This is reality television at its best and I look forward to it each week.  When people have mortgaged their homes and sacrificed everything for something they believe in and are passionate about, I get invested and excited for them when the sharks bite, and crushed for them when they don’t.

If you are not watching this show I suggest you give it a look.  Watch one time and I guarantee you will be hooked.  This week marks the debut of a new shark when they welcome Lori Greiner to the Shark Tank.  I spoke with Lori recently about her new gig and I must tell you, I really liked her.  She was sincere and humble, and while super sweet, there is a shark in her.

Lori Greiner knows what will make money.  She is the Queen of QVC with over 350 products.  She turned her idea for a jewelry box into a multi-million dollar company.  She may be petite and pageant pretty, but this chick knows her stuff. She is business minded to be sure, but in talking to her you quickly see that at her core she is decent, and wants to help people succeed.

She told me the greatest joy in achieving the American dream is to be able to help others do the same thing.  She owns 110 patents which is crazy.  That alone is impressive, but factor in that she is a multi-millionaire, and she rocks.  We’re not talking about a women who invents things in her basement and has a stack of rejection letters.  Lori Greiner is the big league.

Lori lives in Chicago with her husband, who works with her.  She is educated, artistic, and a visionary.  Her first big hit was an earring organizer, and to hear her tell the story of how it came to be is fascinating.  From the inception of the idea, to the development, and countless prototypes, I would have given up, but she is tenacious in her goals and she fought hard to make it perfect.

She is driven, focused, and not intimidated by a challenge.  She is also a perfectionist and will not sell anything not up to her standards, which are high.  She does not give up and is keenly aware of what it means to have an entrepreneurial spirit. She will be looking for those people on Shark Tank.  It’s not enough to have a good idea, you need to believe in your product and yourself.

Lori is looking for people with “gumption”, which I love.  That is a good word.  She wants people to be careful, proceed with caution, and license their ideas.  Don’t be intimidated, be confident, and trust their instincts.  If I were going on Shark Tank I would want Lori as my shark because she cares.  She’s there to help people, which trumps the money, which is not very shark like.

She’s there to make money for sure, but she wants to walk next to someone on their journey, not shove them aside and take over.  She is supportive, and while I have not seen her first episode yet, she was kind and supportive of me during our interview.  She laughs easily, and has a girlfriend vibe to her.  I liked her and even more importantly,  trusted her, which I think is rare.

Lori told me she is not only looking at the products but at the people.  She wants to build relationships with the contestants because she will be in business with them, and relationships matter.  She is picking wisely in terms of those she wants to take under her wing.  She’s no push over.  She truly wants to help and has a soft spot for people who are trying so hard to make it.

In terms of the other sharks, Lori says Damon and Kevin are very funny, Robert is incredibly kind, and Mark is brilliant.  I love the sharks and think they are all fabulous so it will be interesting to see how Lori fits into a group that works so well together. Robert is the one I would want to be friends with, and Kevin is the one I want to have dinner with.  Call me Kevin.

I asked Lori to tell me three words that best described her and she chose smart, kind and driven.  She describes herself as a caring person who thinks people matter most.  I suppose some may think that sounds made up for TV, and we’ll see how she is tonight, but in the 30 minutes I spoke with her, I can tell you that she is smart, quick, charming and very, very warm.

At some point I simply stopped taking notes and listened to her as if we were hanging out and having a coffee together.  Great for me because I loved it, not so great for this article because my notes are a little light.  This is the type of woman that one is perhaps intimidated by because she is smart, wealthy and takes no crap, but she’s also very sweet and invested in people.

She has made a lot of money. A lot.  That is not her motivation though.  The thrill of success drives her, but the success does not need to be hers.  She has been helping people long before she found her way to Shark Tank, so it makes sense they have added her on.  I love Barbara and so I was a new woman in the shark tank, but Lori has won me over.  She is inspiring.

This is a self-made woman who loves her family, her employees, and her work.  She is there to help others achieve her same success and I think we will all be cheering her on tonight.  This article could prove to not match what we see tonight, but I don’t think that will be the case.  Lori Greiner is the real thing, and tonight on Shark Tank we are going to love how she is keeping it real.

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February 7, 2012 | 10:13 am

The Bachelor Panama City Recap

Posted by Ilana Angel

I cannot get enough of this train wreck.  It truly is fascinating that we all watch this show, especially with a guy like Ben.  There is nothing appealing about him, in fact, there are many unappealing things about him.  He is not the same person we saw fall in love with Ashley so I wonder what he is really like because he appears to have a lot of different personalities.

The first date of the night is a one on one with Kacie B, which pisses off the others because they have already spent so much time together. Courtney immediately starts being a snake, but I like Kacie B.  The problem is that she is a little boring.  She is sweet and lovely but I’m guessing has no private freak number and is rather monotone is every part of life.

They are on a deserted island getting all Survivor and I think it’s funny when Kacie B goes on and on about how they are alone.  Really?  Just Ben and her and an entire film crew, along with craft services.  Kacie B is adorable but her laugh is forced.  They are both pontificating about how this date is proof they will have a successful relationship and I need wine.

They leave the island and go for a romantic dinner.  With just them, and the crew.  Kacie B is plain.  She should marry the high school football coach in a small town, have a couple of kids and get a mini van.  Watching Ben trying to get deep into conversation with her is painful.  She has been a favorite of mine from the start but I just don’t see this happening.

Back at the hotel, the girls find out there is a group date, and the dreaded two on one is going to Blakeley and Rachel.  Blakeley is thrilled and Rachel is sick to her stomach, which is odd because Blakely is the one that makes me sick to my stomach.  Speaking if sick to your stomach, back at dinner Kacie B is telling Ben she was bulimic and anorexic as a teenager.  Oy.

Talking about her eating disorder is clearly difficult and so good for her, but talk about dumping a load on a date and sucking the joy out of it.  Blech.  Ben is not that connected to her, but he gives her the rose because you can’t dump a girl after she shares a story like that.  Kacie B buys herself clear passage through the Panama Canal rose ceremony.

It’s group date time and they are going to a remote village to meet with the natives, get dressed up in their garb, and dance.  Courtney is on the group date so you know there will be a healthy dose of skank being served. The dates in Panama are really amazing, but wasted on this bunch because who cares about anyone on this season?  Nobody.

Nicki tells us they “stumbled upon” a village which has be cracking up.  They have set up an entire film set, but they stumbled upon it!  The girls get dressed by the local women and everyone keeps their bathing suit on except for Courtney McWhorerson.  Courtney goes topless and the other girls are over her, but Ben and his canoe will be thrilled.

They are all dressed, and painting each other with tattoos, so Courtney marks Ben as hers and it’s lame.  Courtney is prancing around with full frontal while the other girls look on like she is a whore.  Making it even more entertaining is that Ben is following her around like a puppy.  Ben is all about his canoe, not finding love today.  Courtney is dirty.

Lindzi and Ben have some time together and she is funny.  I like her this week and last week could have cared less about her.  In the end he digs her, she is handling it well, and it’s funny when she tells Ben that he’s her boyfriend.  Ben is making me nuts tonight. Everything he does and says is bothering me.  He is a nail on a chalkboard today.

Courtney is off with Ben and he is enamored with her.  It’s purely sexual and they have nothing to talk about.  She invites him to her room to lie down and be quiet for 15 minutes.  Translation:  I will blow you if you come over because these chicks are lame and I’m the only into being famous so much that I can be a complete whore in order to get your attention.

Jaime is talking to Ben and it’s very, very sad.  She is trying to open up to him and Courtney comes over in her bikini and starts dancing around in his view and I am rolling.  He does not hear a thing she is saying and is into Courtney.  Jamie is going home today.  No need for desperate measures. Don’t do anything stupid Jamie.  Just go home quietly.

Emily is off with Ben and she is cute.  She’s a little quirky and I dig her this week where I have not really gotten her until now.  She spent a lot of time focused on Courtney and seems to have let it go.  She’s weird, but cute. Bless her heart, she tries to make up with Courtney for being so mean to her, then Courtney eats her alive and blows off her apology.

Ben gives the one rose of the night to Lindzi which is a good move.  Courtney is sad Ben never came to her room to make out and she is crying to us and saying she is constantly disappointed by men.  She is sad that men don’t treat her well?  She acts like she is garbage so they treat her like garbage. She is lame and that she is still here is ridiculous.

Rachel and Blakeley go on their date and they are salsa dancing.  Rachel is worried and Blakeley is freakishly excited and painfully delusional.  I don’t think he is into either one of them that much so who cares?  Blakeley is throwing herself at him and Rachel is a little bland so I think I can safely skip over this date to the end because I’m bored.

As I’m skipping over the date, I see Blakeley has made a scrapbook for Ben about their journey together.  Dear Lord.  This chick is ready to boil a bunny on the stove.  She is imploding and watching it is uncomfortable.  He should have sent both home but in the end sends Blakeley and she is distraught because he was her soul mate.  Hahaha.

Blakeley tries to be a bitch and storm off, then realizes it will ruin her chances of getting asked to the Bachelor Pad so she cries and tries to be sweet.  Meanwhile, nice and quiet Rachel is a total bitch about Blakeley and needs to chill because she is going home next week.  Rachel is a piece of toast.  No jam. No butter, no cheese, just plain toast.

The producers decide to finally give Chris Harrison something to do!  He comes in and takes Kacie S. out for a chat.  He tells her that he knows she has a boyfriend back home.  Its sad because she is clearly in love with her ex and her ex has gone out of his way to screw this up for her.  She was never going to win, but to go out like this is a total drag.

It’s all really sad.  She is Paris Hilton pretty, and seems sweet.  She came to try to get over him which I get, but it was never going to happen.  She was not going to get over him and Ben was never going to pick her.  Chris tells her she needs to talk to Ben about it and takes her off to explain to Ben that she just got out of a relationship. I am sad for this girl.

It comes out that she is in love with her ex and it’s cruel to make her do this on the show.  She loved a man who didn’t love her back, went to find new love, and she is embarrassed publically for it.  She does a lovely job of explaining it to Ben and he is a complete asshole.  He is not compassionate or kind, simply tells her she should go.  Ben is a schmuck.

Kacie S is sent home in tears with Ben being a complete douche.  She is an ugly crier which adds insult to injury.  Kacie S is broken, Eli Manning is going to Disneyland, Nicki talks like a Kardashian, Chris Harrison is paid for nothing, Ben is driving me to drink, and Jamie is about to embarrass herself on a scale so epic I don’t know how she will recover.

Jamie is telling us she is shy and a prude, then mounts Ben in an attempt to be aggressive and sexy.  I want to crawl out of my own skin.  I cannot stop laughing.  She is talking in gibberish, making so sense, trying to be flirty, but being ridiculous.  The kiss is offensive, the mounting is laughable, and poor Ben is doing his best to not laugh in her face.

Ben feels nothing for this girl but still goes for the make out session. She is laughing throughout it all and then tells him that she was disappointed in her kiss which is hilarious.  Jamie is going home.  She is a hot mess.  She should just say she is not felling well and slink off into the night instead of suffering through the rose ceremony she is not winning.

Her kissing lesson almost made me vomit on myself.  Poor girl.  After her miserable attempt at sexy he says “Thanks Jaime”.  I will be laughing about this for a long time and will keep this episode just so I can watch it over and over again.  Jamie is sent home and next week we go to Belize.  It’s the last stop before hometown dates so the end is near!

I have not invested in the season because I don’t care about Ben or any of these girls.  Plus, the fact that we know Emily Maynard is the new Bachelorette and none of these castoffs have a shot, makes it boring.  I watch with hope it will happen, but when we don’t care, it just becomes comedy. So from that perspective, the show is keeping it real.

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February 6, 2012 | 11:47 pm

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion Part 2

Posted by Ilana Angel

I watched the reunion this week like a fan.  I sat on the couch with my cat, had a glass of wine, and enjoyed the show.  I thought it was interesting and entertaining.  That said, I also found it to be a great big serving of steaming hot crap.  If I didn’t pick sides before I watched, I certainly have now.

Brandi has joined in with the ladies this week and Andy jumps right in.  Brandy is a hoot and if it were not for her many of us would not be watching this crap fest. Brandi is the young, beautiful, single one so there is clearly a lot of jealousy from those without strong marriages.

Adrienne and Kyle are focused on being mean to her, which makes me think maybe there is not a lot of hanky panky going on in their marriages. Lisa and Ken are perfection so she could care less.  Taylor swallows men whole so who cares about her, and Camille is in love so she’s cool..

Kyle is just mean and Adrienne’s face is pulled so tight I don’t take anything she says seriously.  I’m not sure why we need to talk about Brandi’s bikini for so long.  She has a rocking body, move on.  Jealousy makes women mean. Instead of hating on Brandi, Kyle should worry about herself.

Andy asks Kyle why she was so mean to Brandi when she came on and Kyle says she was defensive and had her guard up towards the new girl.  Not buying it.  Klye was mean to Brandi because she is mean.  She is bitchy and catty and not a nice girl.  Any other explanation is lame.

Kyle tells us she knows she was mean and ridiculous but I’m not buying that either.  Kyle is doing damage control but it’s too late.  Brandi saying she was going to kill Kyle was about as serious as Russell telling Camille he was going to sue her.  Funny what these chicks choose to hang on to.

Brandi is sorry things got out of hand, but she‘s not sorry she said Kim was using something because clearly she was.  Kyle is annoyed Brandi said meth when it was not Kim’s issue, but lets get real, Kim was doing more than drinking.  Kim is, in my opinion, an alcoholic and drug user.

Brandi calls Kim and Kyle out for being bullies, but is gracious in forgiving them, but then Taylor jumps in.  Important for Taylor to understand that we do not care to hear anything she says.  Taylor is sticking up for Kyle while Kyle sits there saying nothing, which implies she was lying.

Kyle is annoyed people are blaming her for Kim hiding Brandi’s crutches, but it was as much Kyle as Kim.  Kyle knew where the crutches were and never said anything.  She could have helped Brandi and told Kim she didn’t because Kim was wasted and wouldn’t remember.

We are twelve minutes in and I’m not into blogging about it anymore.  Kyle is horrible, Adrienne is ridiculous, and Taylor is a pathological liar.  Another 45 minutes might be too much for me.  A reader told me today I was too negative.  Hard to not be when watching this garbage!

We learn Brandi uses cuss words more than anyone else, and Camille and Adrienne the least.  It’s a stupid segment and the only thing that came out of it was I noticed how fake Kyle’s laugh is.  She sounds like a chicken.  We also see the tension between Adrienne and Lisa.

Adrienne is not missing any opportunity to be mean to Lisa and Lisa seems a little worn out by it.  Andy’s questions are stupid this week and not nearly as good as past reunions.  Kyle thinks Brandi is slutty, but I think doing the splits on a table at a party is whorish so who cares?

Brandi is being Brandi and the others are all grimacing at her crassness, but we know they are just as crass.  The Pollyanna routine is not working.  Kyle can get in the gutter with Brandi and we all know it.  I like the gutter and think Kyle is silly for not owning the gutter.

Kyle is telling us the difference between slutty and sexy.  Really?  Is there a chapter about that in her book?  How did this woman even get a book deal? I have watched Kyle hang onto the coattails of her sister and nieces for years and she should have written a book about that instead.

Taylor let’s us know that no British people live in Oklahoma, which is why she did not understand Lisa’s humor.  Lisa is talking about wanting to help Taylor, and the other ladies think it’s weird that Lisa and Taylor became friendly so quickly.  These chicks are really immature.

Are we like this with our friends?  I don’t think so. Taylor is talking about how mean Lisa’s dog is on Twitter.  Is she serious?  Taylor is mad because of a dog’s Twitter?  Brandi comments on it and Taylor lashes out that she is not talking to her.  Taylor is a loose cannon.

Important to note that if Andy Cohen does not make Brandi a full time housewife he has lost his mind.  Well he lost his mind when he put this pathetic season on the air so it won’t be lloosing his mind as much as proving he is a complete moron who is out of touch with the audience.

We’re at minute 24 and I have put down the wine and poured a cocktail. Adrienne’s face is not moving, she’s talking, but it’s not moving.  Adrienne is mad Brandi told Lisa she spoke about her behind her back.  She does not deny it, but is annoyed Brandi told her.  Adrienne is cranky.

Camille calls Taylor a liar, while Kyle wants us to believe she does not want drama in her life.  Really?  Brandi is calling Adrienne out on her crap, then Lisa calls Adrienne out too, and Adrienne just sits there licking her lips and looking like a fool.  Adrienne brings nothing to this show.

Camille calls Taylor out on her lies, and Kyle hides behind her problems with Kim as a way to deflect everything off of her.  Brandi tells us she spoke with Russell and Taylor says she is a liar.  I am with Brandi on this.  I feel, in my heart, that Taylor is lying about Russell.  It’s tragic.

Brandi says what all of the world is thinking, and I have written about for months.  Why is she writing a book trashing Russell when his body is not cold?  Taylor could have waited to write her book. She could have talked about her childhood and marriage without mentioning Russell.

What she has done is chronicle the story of a monster for her child.  Taylor is an opportunist and I believe part of the reason Russell took his own life was because of her lying.  She is screaming that Russell was a master manipulator so clearly she learned a few things from him.

Taylor calls out Brandi for “slashing” her ex-husband’s tires, Brandi admits it and Taylor seems to think it paints Brandi in a bad light.  What it does is show she is human and was a woman with a broken heart.  She slashed tires. Taylor wrote a book of lies.  Everyone is different.

Sidebar:  Bravo keeps showing commercials for Bethenny Frankel’s show and how they were lost at sea with a broken GPS.  IT”S ALL A LIE.  I spoke with the captain of her “rescue boat” and the United States Coast Guard, and the GPS was not broken.  It was all made up for her show.

Brandi is disgusted with Taylor’s book, Kyle says Brandi needs to have compassion for Taylor because her husband died, and Brandi is clearly trying to control herself from getting up off the couch like our beloved Teresa, and smacking the crap out of Kyle.  I dig Brandi.

Kyle can try to back peddle from her behavior all season but it’s too late. She is horrible.  We have seen her true self and we don’t like it.  We’re not dumb Kyle.  Kyle is a fame whore. A lot of reality fans read my blog and many did not read her book because of this season.

Kyle wants us to think she thought the show would be good for Kim.  Seriously?  How is the pressure of a reality show a good idea for an addict?  Kyle is selfish, has no connection to her sister, and is incapable of having meaningful relationships with women.

Important to note that my opinions of this show are based on this show.  I do not know these women and this blog is show specific.  I am writing about the characters I am shown by Bravo.  That said, the reunion is the real them, and my opinions are not changing.  Just saying.

Kyle then tells us that as viewers, we are not allowed to have opinions because we don’t see everything. Really?  Kyle is a bitch and she is now calling us out.  She has a job because we watch and she is going to throw us under the bus?  Not only is she mean, but she is ungrateful.

There is now a long segment on Camille and because I’m losing my patience with this show I will simply say I love her, am happy for her and her new boyfriend, and think Kelsey Grammer is a cheating pig.  Just because Camille changed how we view her does not mean Kyle can.

Andy is going on and on about Camille making a calculated move to make her herself look better this season and I think calculated is the wrong word. She made a conscious effort to behave in a positive and fun way.  It was not calculated, which implies fake.  It was conscious.

Andy asked Taylor if her lips have gotten smaller and she says no.  My theory is that she lies so much her nose is growing, which makes her lips look smaller.  Just a thought.  Then Andy brings up Taylor’s book and she tells us she wrote it to help women with low self-esteem.

She tells us Russell abused her every 6 weeks for the last 5 years. She sounds like she is quoting a self help book.  She has been lying for so long she is believing her own lies.  I am not saying there was not bad stuff happening in her home, but I don’t buy all the stories.

Kyle and Adrienne talking about the book and Taylor makes me sick.  Taylor is going out of her way to slander this man and seems to forget that he has children, one of which is her child.  She has painted a horrible picture for this little girl and it’s so sad to me.  What is she thinking?

She says Russell was perhaps killed rather than killing himself, and smiles coyly at Andy.  This woman is not well and is putting her selfish needs in front of the well being of her child.  Next week looks like another sack of crap as we watch Kyle make Kim’s issues all about her.

This season has been hard and I am thrilled there is only one week left. Andy Cohen and Bravo need to really think about this show and how to bring them all back.  I will say now, with complete conviction and truth, that if Brandi is not there to give us some fun I’m out.  Just keeping it real.

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