January 23, 2012 | 10:37 pm

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season Finale Recap

Posted by Ilana Angel

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This day did not come soon enough.  The season is over and I am thrilled.  This was a painful show to watch for a lot of reasons.  There was darkness and crap, with very little light or fun.  Some of the best moments of the season were with Brandi and she was nowhere to be seen.

Before we talk about the most anticlimactic show ever, let me just say that I’m a little pissed off.  I sat through an entire season of lies, bad editing, and ridiculously manipulated scenes, and as a thank you,  Bravo wasted an hour of my time by ending with a long fizzle.

The show starts with wedding preparations for Pandora.  Lisa is rather charming, and while she has been hit and miss for me all season, I find myself understanding her better and finding her to be rather entertaining.  I’m happy for her and Ken and it’s nice to see the plans.

Important to note that while I love weddings, to spend an entire hour on a wedding is a waste of my time and an insult to my loyalty as a viewer.  We don’t know Pandora that well so there is no vested interest in her.  Again, it was nice to see, but it should have been a wedding special, not the finale.

Adrienne has gone with Paul to get him colonoscopy.  She tells us she went to be supportive of her husband.  Really?  She has been horrible to him all season and now we are supposed to buy that she is the supportive wife?  Are these chicks stupid, or do they just think we are all stupid?

In the waiting room they are bickering about how many procedures he’s had. Paul thinks it has been one.  Adrienne says he has actually had four, and makes her point by holding up three fingers.  Bravo to Paul for sharing his experience, but really Bravo?  Are you high?

The only things that happened for the entire hour were the wedding colonoscopy and I cannot write about Paul passing gas, or Adrienne making fun of him.  It was ridiculous, embarrassing, and not even worth writing about.  I don’t think this will inspire people to get a colonoscopy.

Back to the wedding, do we need to spend 12 minutes watching them set up the tent? Are 8 shots of different people carrying flowers riveting television?  Is watching all 6 pieces of the cake being carried in necessary? How did they manage to stretch nothing into an hour of television?

To insult us further, we are then asked to watch Kyle and Mauricio select wedding clothes for five minutes.  I cannot mention Kyle and not add that I think she is self-centered, rude, mean, boring and selfish. This chick is straight up mean and her “friends” should watch their backs.

Camille invites a friend over to help her select her dress for the wedding, which is weird because she has already selected the dress.  This is yet another waste of time to fill time.  The friend came for nothing but to watch Camille put on make up and let us know she has started to date.

It’s now two minutes of make up artist jokes and I want to kill myself, which is odd because it’s usually Taylor who makes people want to die and we’ve not seen her.  Too harsh?  I feel bad for Lisa that their special day was used to manipulate an hour of television.  Cheapens it a little.

Lisa is waiting for Pandora to come down and she sees her housekeeper who is all dressed up and she tells her to go up and borrow a pair of her heals if she wants.  I’m not sure why, but I thought it was really sweet.  What does it say about this hour that this was a great moment?

Lisa seeing Pandora was lovely and I started to cry.  Her emotion was touching.  Over at Adrienne’s everyone has gathered to go over to the wedding together.  For some reason Camille is talking about converting to Judaism which was odd.  I didn’t get where that came from.

Adrienne comes in and her hair makes me crazy.  Can she not run a brush through her hair?  She has never once had her hair look like anything but a birds nest and it’s annoying.  From her belted shirts, shoulder pads, and hair, it is the 1980’s again and she is a hot, hot, hot mess.

It’s wedding time and yes it’s beautiful, but I’m over it.  There is no Kim, Dana, or Brandi, just a whole lot of wedding.  I love listening to Lisa talk about her kids and the wedding, but again, this could have been a wedding special with Lisa and Kevin, and should not have been the finale.

Lisa and Ken give speeches and they are beautiful.  Lisa is a truly stunning woman and I like to look at her.  The wedding is finally over and we are jumping ahead three weeks to Kyle’s house where she is having the girls over for a fake dinner so we think they all care about each other.

Kyle annoys me to no end and hearing her talk about her sister makes me angry.  I think she is more concerned with people thinking she is the good one, than the actual well being of her sister.  Just my opinion, and to be clear, one that the show gave me.  Then Taylor and Kennedy come in.

Are they kidding?  The child does not show her face and I can only imagine what that little girl carries around in her heart and mind.  In the end this show was more frustrating than entertaining and I don’t believe that any of them are actual friends.  They share this show, but that is all.

The reunion will be good and so we can look forward to that.  One could argue that after such a brutal season, to end it with something so beautiful was a good call.  Let’s go with that.  It was a perfect wedding and we can get our closure at the reunion.  Let’s hope they can keep it real.

January 22, 2012 | 11:48 pm

Mob Wives - RECAP

Posted by Ilana Angel

I cannot get enough of this show.  I watch these women with equals parts fear, fascination, horror and joy.  These chicks are good television.  I find that I have an attitude when I watch them.  My tweets even get aggressive which is hilarious.  Watching these women will give you balls.  They are both empowering and mortifying.

We start this week with Ramona and Karen talking about Ramona and her boyfriend getting arrested.  I just don’t get them and Karen is annoying to me.  I think she thinks up things to say when she is home alone, then decides they are cool, and says them on the show.  Only problem is they are not cool, and she sounds fake.

It’s time for some Big Ang, who is perfection.  Carla and Drita go to her bar for a drink and we learn a little about this fascinating woman.  Drita calls her the “Godmother” of all the women and I love that.  She is big and tough, and nurturing to all the women.  She’s like the mommy figure and I love her.  She is also a real life mom.

Her son AJ gets into a car accident and she is stressed out.  He is 23, getting into trouble, and trying to find his way.  She is a sweet lady and I imagine has seen a lot of stuff in her life.  As an audience, we are united in our love for her and want her to be happy.  This is a woman we would never meet in real life, but all want to be friends with.

Karen is meeting Renee for a drink and I can’t take it.  She is trying to sound hardass, but she sounds like a bad actress who is trying to be as cool as the others are naturally.  Renee tells Karen she has made peace with Carla, but Karen is a troublemaker in that as soon as Renee told her they were good, Karen reminds her Carla never came to the hospital.

Renee is trying to make things nice for everyone but here’s the thing, it’s never going to happen.  There are two sides on this show and that is what makes it all good.  They came in broken which is real, unlike the housewives who were never together to be broken, and break on their own.  These chicks are the reality in reality television.

Junior is moving back in with Renee and it’s cute.  She is aware of their history, but loves him and is giving it another go.  I like them together and I like her.  She wants her family to have quality time together before Junior goes back to prison.  That is a real statement not a fake TV one.  How great is this show? Soprano’s come to life!

Karen is with Ramona and oddly excited about Ramona’s arrest being in the papers.  She is a fame whore who is trying to recapture the fame of her father and his legacy, but it’s not happening.  Karen giving advice is odd, makes no sense, and Ramona is of no interest.  I have tried to get these two but it’s not happening.  They are boring.

Carla and Drita are meeting with Derrick Tobacco to understand what happened during the fight at Renee’s party.  Drita thinks Karen got in her one good punch when she was being held down, which would make Karen a coward who does not fight fair.  Can you guess the truth here?  Karen got her hit in while Drita was being held by Derrick.

Sidebar:  I love the theme song “The Big Bang” by Rock Mafia, and Drita looks really beautiful this week.  She is a pretty girl, but tonight she looks gorgeous.  We clarify that Ramona stirred up trouble and Karen took a hit while Drita was being held back.  Karen in a “punk” according to Drita and she is not too thrilled about Karen.

Renee and Junior are settling into a routine and Renee is having problems with their son AJ, and wants Junior to step up and be the man of the house. She wants AJ to get himself together, and stop disrespecting her.  AJ has a new girlfriend and she is making him act out and Renee is over it.  Junior says there is no winning when there is a girl involved.

Big Ang is having lunch with her son AJ and she is freaking awesome.  Her son is cute, no real direction, but cute.  He asks his mom how her love life is and she tells him she has a new guy, who just got out of prison after serving 28 years for murder, to which AJ responds that does not make him a bad guy.  Dear Lord this show is good.

Big Ang talks to him with a baby voice, and is just cute.  She is a broad and I want to be friends with her.  I like her relationship with her son and think it’s important to see them as mothers.  It’s puts a different spin on this show and these women which is great.  Big Ang is getting a puppy and I swear to God, I want her to be my neighbor.

Carla goes to a fashion show with Etty the jeweler, and we learn she wants her own fashion line.  I’m skipping over this.  Dear Lord. I’m not interested in a fashion line by Carla.  I am however going to buy Drita’s lipstick, and it was determined on Twitter today that Drita should also sell bejeweled wrenches. I would buy one of those for sure.

Renee is having Karen and Ramona, along with their kids, over for dinner. Renee is hilarious, pointing out they all wear a Rolex, but are late for everything.  Renee is not into her kid being rude and will not stand for the disrespect.  If it’s the girl that is causing it, she’s got to go.  She is struggling with dealing with Junior.

It’s just too funny.  She is grossed out by Junior being a slob, and her reaction to crumbs being left around the house, and leaving the TV on, are priceless.  Renee is a good egg and for the record, crumbs would put me over the edge.  Ramona is funny when she points out that Renee is finding crumbs not condoms, and she needs to chill.

Renee is screaming her head off, cussing up a storm, the kids laugh at her, and she goes in and yells at them too.  The facial reaction of one of the kids is perfect.  Renee is losing her mind over the crumbs and I’m thinking my beloved Renee might need a Xanax.  Her reaction is weird and seems out of sync so it may be a bad editing choice.

Carla and Drita are working out and their bodies are showing all their hard work.  They look good.  I’m loving Drita this week and even think Carla is good.  I gave her a hard time last week but given a chance, she could be good.  Ramona and Karen are never going to win me over, but Carla is on her way. She’s no Big Ang, but she’s okay.

Sides are being taken and Carla has Drita’s back, while Lucifer, otherwise known as Ramona, is on team Karen.  Something is going to blow with these chicks and God willing the cameras will be rolling.  I am a solid card carrying member of Team Drita.  Meanwhile Karen calls Carla and invites her out for dinner. Stop looking into the camera Karen!

Carla meets Karen who is just weird.  Carla is trying to be nice, but Karen is looking to pick a fight.  She tells Carla that she hated her all summer and it’s so stupid.  She is badmouthing her friend, talking about being a soldier, and all of a sudden it’s a bad 1940’s gangster movie.  Karen is lame.  Carla is calm, but Karen is just pushing a fight.

Karen is not listening to anything Carla is saying, she is just making it about Drita.  Carla is laughing at the absurdity of it all, and gets up to leave.  Karen is being a hard ass and trying to be tough, but she just looks like an animal. Carla bails and Karen tells her to come back.  Karen is still talking, not listening, and Karen is about to throw blows.

Karen says she invited her to dinner because she likes her, but she just said she hated her.  What is it Karen?  At one point Carla looks in the camera with a look of “are you seeing this crazy person?”  It’s funny.  Carla should not have gone to meet Karen in the end.  They are not friends and if she is going to be loyal to Drita, then don’t go.

I love this show and have figured out that if Renee, Drita or BigAng are on the screen, sit down and watch.  If Carla is on, keep the volume on, but I can walk around, and if Ramona and Karen are on, I can go do the laundry or empty the dishwasher.  This is a brilliant show and I am hooked.  These Real Housewives of Staten Island are keeping it real.

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January 17, 2012 | 10:52 pm

The Bachelor RECAP

Posted by Ilana Angel

We start this week in San Francisco, which is important because this is where Ben lives.  He meets with his sister for a coffee and she is really quite pretty.  He tells her she would really like Courtney, which is interesting because if she did, she would be the only one, because Courtney is a troll.

The girls arrive and Chris Harrison is there to tell them about what will happen.  That this guy is here is insane to me.  He is charming to be sure, and I have interviewed him and totally crushed on him, but his role on this show is now embarrassing and he needs to move on, as he is useless here.

The first SF one-on-one date goes to Emily.  She is cute but nervous and she is worried about her date and asks the camera if the date will make her pee her pants.  Nice memory of her caught on film.  Courtney is projecting their date will be boring because book smart girls are boring.

Sidebar:  I think Courtney is a moron.  She is clearly not educated, or even interesting.  She has a weird mouth and makes odd shapes with it.  Her forehead protrudes over her face too far and that Ben thinks she is the most beautiful girl there proves that he may also be a bit of a moron.

Emily is very pretty and a PHD student.  She is scared of heights so it makes sense that they are going to climb the Bay Bridge together.  Really?  Not even if George Clooney begged me would I be able to do this date.  She feels sick to her stomach and wants to die, yet she is going to do it.

Ben thinks if they can climb the bridge together there is nothing they will not be able to do together. How is putting your life at risk for a television show, and someone you have known for five minutes, going to prove anything other than the fact that you are desperate and pathetic?

Emily is losing her mind, does not want to finish and Ben tells her, “Talk to me Goose”, which I think is the greatest line ever on the Bachelor.  Bravo Ben.  It was brilliant.  Back at the hotel, the girls find them with the telescope.  Such an organic and unscripted moment.  The Bachelor sucks.

She is freaking out so Ben kisses her and we are supposed to believe it propels her forward and she is fine with the height.  She was never scared if you ask me.  She did not even cry and she is hundreds of feet above the ocean hanging on with a rope and no tears?

Important to note that even though I write a rather sarcastic recap of this show, and mention often that it is crap and I hate it, I truly love it and watch with the hope that it will work, and the knowledge that it won’t.  I love the idea of this show just enough to tune in each week.

Emily tells Ben she tried online dating and was matched with her brother. Hilarious.  She does not clarify however if she went out with him or not. She tells us she is most scared of rejection and heights.  Right.  She faked her fear of heights and was not rejected by her own brother. Winning!

Ben likes Emily and he gives her a rose on their date.  He says such lovely things to the women and it’s all so scripted and marvelous that you can’t help but love Ben.  He needs to cut his hair, but he is quite charming and I find myself liking him very much.  Emily is cute, even if a faker.

The other girls are in the hotel watching their private fireworks show and it’s hilarious.  These girls are embarrassing themselves at ever turn.  Then, when you think it cannot get any more humiliating for them, they are going to ski in their bikinis.

The girls do not know how to ski, are flailing all over the place, half naked, being watched like they are crazy, and I am unable to figure out what would make a women think this is how to get a man?  It’s silly, not attractive, and one of the lamest dates they’ve ever done.

Back at the hotel, Brittney gets the next one-on-one date.  She is the girl who came to the first night with her Grandma and she’s just not into the date at all.  She is uncomfortable and wants to go home.  It makes sense because this is a sweet girl who is missing the whore gene.

Sidebar:  There is no way that this show needs to be two hours each week. The way they drag it out is annoying and makes me want to break things. Between the dramatic pauses, the 30 minute rose ceremonies, and the useless Chris Harrison, it’s almost too much to handle.  Almost.

It’s time for the group date to hang out in the hot tub and Ben asks for alone time with Rachel.  She is pretty but a little dumb. They have a little kiss time and she is giddy.  She thinks it’s romantic and they are connected.  How is kissing with your competition watching romantic?

How does dating a man at the same time as he is dating a bevy of other women feel like you are making a real connection?  If my daughter wanted to go on this show I would forbid it.  I find myself laughing at these girls and feeling a little sad for them at the same time.

Kacie B. is the frontrunner and she is having a hard time watching him make out with other girls. She is sweet but needs to get a grip because she could blow it by getting too clingy.  He assures her its fine, and she goes in for the kiss. The more he likes her, the less I like her.

Brittney makes the decision to go home and heads out to say bye.  She is a doll and I want her to meet someone wonderful at her church, get married, and have lots of babies.  She is just too good for this show and I am proud of her for staying true to herself and bailing.

Ben says he is surprised she left, but he’s not.  He was not into her and we all know it.  He tells her to say hi to her Grandma, which is a nice touch. Brittney is a really lovely girl and I’m happy for her that she left.  Back at the party Ben gives the groups date rose to Rachel.

She is saying it is one of the best days of her life and I’m thinking this chick might not have a great life.  Kacie B. is shooting daggers at her and I’m loving all the crazy.  I also want to know why everyone is calling San Francisco San Fran? Do people really do that?  It sounds weird to me.

Lindzi, the first impression rose horse girl, gets the final on-on-one date.  She looks like she is wearing a wig and her hair is in her face. They both need a haircut, and quite frankly a brush.  They tour the city and end up at the San Francisco City Hall, which is amazing.

They get into the building and there is a guy singing and Lindzi tells us all about it as if she totally knew who he was.  No way.  She had no idea who Math Nathanson was and furthermore, she thinks Ben planned this amazing date.  Ben did nothing to plan this date.  Grow up.

They go out for dinner and we are told about how Lindzi got dumped by post it.  Wasn’t that an episode of Sex and the City?  So original.  Ben digs her, gives her a rose, and she is safe.  She is oddly appealing. By appealing of course I mean an airhead who deserves a chance.

It’s cocktail party time and we see some mystery chick coming for Ben. Whatever.  There is always some loser who comes back and it never works out so who cares about who it is?  It’s just a way to fill two hours so we forget we want to kill ourselves and watch a little longer.

Jennifer pulls Ben aside and tells him she really likes him.  He then tells her she is the best kisser in the house and she is thrilled.  In a house full of skanky whores is it really a big deal to be labeled the best kisser?  I like this girl and she is my personal favorite at the moment.

The mystery girl is Shawntel, the funeral director from Brad’s season.  She was a freak on her own season and she is a freak here.  Does she really think she has a shot in hell of getting a rose?  Did she think she should show up with her hair like that?  Did she think at all?  This chick is a loon.

Courtney is causing trouble and it’s the most entertaining thing about this show.  She is really, really dumb and incredibly mean, and watching her is fascinating.  I want her to be locked in a room with Drita and Karen from Mob Wives for an hour.  They will smack the bitch right out of her.

The girls are trashing Courtney and Emily even says she has a mental disorder.  Agreed.  Ben is fawning over her and she asks him how much on a scale of 1 to 10 he likes her.  Really?  Courtney is a fame whore. By fame whore of course I mean just a plain old fashioned whore.

Ben is chatting with someone whose name I don’t remember when Shawntel walks in wearing a very unfortunate dress.  The girls are freaking out and it’s classic.  Even after she freshens up, she still has not fixed her hair.  Epic fail.  Shawntel asks Ben to talk with her.

Shawntel is telling Ben she feels something for him and the other girls are watching and losing their minds.  Ben is flustered, Shawntel is desperate, and heads are flying off of bodies.  She tells him she wants a rose and to enter the competition.  I now want to cut my own eyes out.

Shawntel is telling the girls she wants a shot and the girls are wanting to kill her.  They are screaming at her that she does not know their Ben, she had a shot with Brad, and she needs to get the hell out.  They are calling her ugly, fat, and delusional.  It’s perfect fake reality television.

Best line of the night?  Shawntel is Brad’s dumpster trash.  Love it. She is sloppy seconds and fake model bitch Courtney is crying.  They are all crying and it’s insanely funny.  If he gives Chantal a rose they are all bailing.  As if. By bailing of course they mean they are not bailing.

Chris is back to put us to sleep by explaining to the dingbats that two of the girls are going home tonight.  Courtney is the first to be called up and the girl who was not going to take a rose, takes it.  Loser.  He then goes through the chicklets until there are three girls left with only one rose.

Nicki is this week’s nervous breakdown.  She is bawling like her dog just died at the thought of Shawntel getting a rose.  She then gets a rose and is miraculously fine.  Ben is about to hand out the final rose and Erica passes out, apparently from the stress of Shawntel.

Erica, Jaclyn and Shawntel are the three he is choosing from and Ben decides that he is not giving any of them a rose and is passing on the final rose of the night.  He sends them all home.  Erica is weak from her emotional meltdown and collapses, while Jaclyn runs off crying like she had a shot.

Ben walks out Shawntel and Courtney yells out “See ya”, with a laugh.  Ben explains to Shawntel he is flattered but keeping her would not have been fair.  She is pissed, their parting is awkward, then she cries.  Apparently Ben was not man enough to keep.  Good story.

Ben leaves Erica and her inside lip tattoo alone on a bench, Shawntel is still bitching, and Jaclyn is out.  The other girls find out they are going to Park City for their next adventure.  Next week looks awesome and I can’t wait. This show is fabulous, but nothing about it is keeping it real.

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January 17, 2012 | 1:12 pm

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap

Posted by Ilana Angel

We only have one week left and I for one could not be happier.  This season has been draining and I’m ready for it to be over.  I am seriously hoping Taylor does not return next year because she sucks the life of this show. She kills things and if she come back next season she will kill this show too.

We start with everyone getting ready to go the opening of Lisa and Ken’s new lounge SUR.  Kyle is talking to her daughter.  By talking of course I mean gossiping.  Kyle is playing victim already and it’s a waste of time.  She spends a lot of time making everything in the show revolve about her.

It’s two hours until the opening of the lounge and Lisa is scrambling around to get it all done.  I was not a fan of Lisa in the beginning of the season but I love her now at the end.  She is funny and sweet and in the end I was a little harsh in my view of her.  Lisa is entertaining, beautiful and funny.

Kim is with Ken at a hotel getting ready for the opening. She is clearly medicated and pulls out a vibrator to share with her make-up artist.  She is just a mess and it’s embarrassing that Bravo is showing this footage.  Like Russell before her, they are making bad choices for her future.

The hotel room they are in is horrible, and the amount of clothes they have for one night is insane.  I’m not buying they were there just for the party.  She has suitcases, the room is trashed, and it would appear they have been staying there for more than just the opening.

SUR is finally opening, Lisa looks gorgeous, and the night is beginning.  Brandi arrives first and she is really tall, flirty, and has earned a regular spot next season.  No sign of Dana in this episode which makes sense since she did not work with this group and never will.

Bernie the chef arrives which is weird.  Why was he invited?  Lisa does not recognize him and it’s funny.  Inside the party, one of the waitresses is an old mistress of Brandi’s ex-husband.  By mistress of course I mean a whore who slept with him while Brandi was pregnant with his baby.

Lisa is classy about the whole thing and asks the waitress to go home. Important to note that you know Leann Rimes is watching, seeing one of Eddie’s many mistresses, and knowing she has no shot in hell of keeping this man because at the end of the day, he is a pig not a man.

Camille arrives and looks beautiful.  Kyle arrives and she too looks good but within 5 seconds of seeing Lisa is bitching about her life and complaining about Kim.  Really Kyle?  Why can’t she congratulate her friend on her important day before talking about her herself?  Again.

Kim is scrambling to get ready.  She is bagging on Ken and truly a hot mess. Ken is trying to get her ready but she incoherent.  He is talking about getting jewelry out of the safe for her, but I thought they checked in today for one night?  There is a whole lot of lying going on in this episode.

It would appear they are living at the hotel and it’s odd.  I feel a little sad for Ken.  He has forever ruined his reputation by being with Kim and she is about to sell him down the river.  Ken needs to run away from this woman as fast as he possibly can.  Kim is about to go Taylor on him.

The party is in full swing but there does not seem to be a lot of people.  All of sudden the room stops and Cedric walks in.  What’s fascinating, is Adrienne and Kyle kiss him like he’s an old friend.  He really hurt their friend and they should have walked away not embraced him.

Lisa approaches and tells him to leave.  She asked who invited him and Brandi yells out that it was not her, which of course means it might have been her. That he has the balls to come is amazing, and that the ladies disrespect Lisa on her big night by kissing him is shady to me.

Brandi tells him she appreciates “this” when he leaves which makes no sense. Cedric reluctantly leaves but not before professing his love and support of Lisa.  Really?  Cedric is an ass and that he showed up at all was tacky.  Lisa is a lady and handles herself with true class and grace.

Taylor is heading to the party and taking her therapist as her date.  Are these people for real?  Who takes their therapist to a party and who goes to a party under the circumstances Taylor wants us to think she is dealing with?  Taylor is unraveling in lies and I for one am over it.

Ken and Kim are finally in the car and she is slurring her excitement over the buttons in the car.  She then goes through the garbage can, finds a condom and some poop while still fascinated by the buttons.  I feel so sad for her and her children that Bravo has captured this moment.

Taylor is in the car crying about pulling her friends into the mess of her life. Seriously Taylor?  You needed your friends to set up the whole thing so your tragic story could play out and you could leave your husband and find someone richer, but it backfired when dying became easier for him.

Kim arrives at the party and she is high as a kite.  Lisa is going to great her and Kyle says she needs to stay with her.  Kyle is a bitch and Kim is a disaster. Kim is there for a minute and again Kyle is crying and making it all about her.  Kyle is out of control and I’m so over this show.

Kim pulls out her vibrator to share and is jumping around saying hello to people.  Kim’s manager comes and tries to get her into the party and it’s sad because she is mean to Ken.  In the end I think he loves her and got in way over his head with someone who is just not well.

Kim sees Adrienne, who by the way has still not brushed her hair, and tells her she is moving out of the house with Ken.  They go into the bathroom and Kim tells her about how horrible Ken is, then Adrienne runs to Kyle and tells her to go talk to her sister.  Kyle goes, but with an attitude.

Kim tells Kyle she is unhappy, she cries all the time, and she is leaving Ken. Who knows if it’s true, but one could argue she made it up to distract people from the fact that she is wasted all the time.  I should feel bad for Kim but I feel bad for Ken.  Thank God this show is almost over.

Kim and Kyle have a super dysfunctional relationship.  Kim is reaching out for help and Kyle is crying about how she has never apologized to her.  Even in the saddest moment for her sister, she makes it about her again.  That said, this is the top layer of a very deep situation.

We now see how sick Kim really is and it’s a glimpse into the frustrations Kyle has with Kim.  During the season I have written about Kyle based on what we saw, and we don’t really see anything.  Kyle is selfish and narcissistic, but maybe I should cut her some slack after this week.

By cut some slack of course I mean I am not going to cut slack to a woman who put her desire for fame ahead of her sister.  She was so lovely last year, then this year her popularity went to her head and she got a little ugly. I liked Kyle but just don’t buy into her anymore.

Kim tells Kyle her period is three months late and she might be pregnant. Really?  She takes off her shoe and claps it in her hand saying she is going to have another baby, then instantly slips into a daydream where she says she is going to travel instead of a baby. Whack-a doodle crazy.

Kim tells the camera she wants a puppy not a baby, and tells Kim she is too scared to take a pregnancy test.  I’m guessing she bought one, smoked it, and has not had a chance to get a new one.  Mauricio and Ken come over and it’s just weird.  This show is a train wreck.

Kyle tells the camera she cannot help Kim unless she makes changes in her life and is at a loss for what she can do. You take your sister kicking and screaming to get help and don’t allow her to go on a reality show when you know she is not well and will publically unravel.

Cut to a minute later when Kyle is now perfectly fine and greeting Taylor. The editing is clearly done by people who have no idea what they are doing. I’ve got whiplash with all the flipping back and forth between time and space.  It makes no sense and is embarrassing for Bravo.

Taylor uses Lisa’s opening to have a powwow with the girls to help them understand what is happening with her.  I want to scream!  They are having group therapy with Taylor and her doctor at a private party?  This show is ridiculous and I am struggling to understand why we watch.

How is it that while this is going on, having just seen that Kim is high and possibly pregnant, Kim is nowhere to be found?  Why is this meeting happening here, and why is Kyle not with her sister when she just told her the man she brought to the party is abusive to her?

Kim is in the bathroom, clearly getting up to no good, Ken is begging her to come out, she is too wasted to be smart enough to remove her mic pack, and Taylor is telling the girls Russell hit her. Taylor’s crying is annoying me, then Adrienne steps in and reminds us they don’t believe her.

Taylor instantly turns off the waterworks and Adrienne stands up for Camille with the lawsuit threat from Russell.  Adrienne is screaming that Camille has a lawsuit against her and we all know she did not.  Russell wrote a threat, but no lawsuit was ever filed.  Such crap.

Taylor tells them, then us, that she was physically abused by Russell, but she is going to co-parent with him.  If my husband were hitting me, he would not be allowed anywhere near my child until he got help. How can you believe anything that Taylor says?  I’m just not buying it.

Everyone accepts Taylor’s apology but something fishy is going on.  I personally think this scene was shot after Russell died and the crying is crap.  They hold hands and have a kumbaya moment while Kim is in the bathroom trying to smoke her vibrator.  Such a mess.

Next week is the season finale and we will see Pandora’s wedding.  It will be gorgeous and I cannot wait to get a front row seat.  It will be a bit of fluff until we get the reunion, which is what I am all most looking forward to. That is going to be really interesting to say the least.

Normally I would think it will be bunch of denial and sweeping of things under the carpet, but we now have Brandi and I’m guessing she will call everyone out. I’m curious to see who sits next to who on the couch, if Andy will be firm, and if any of the ladies will be able to keep it real.

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January 17, 2012 | 10:58 am

Mob Wives RECAP

Posted by Ilana Angel

We start with the aftermath of Renee’s party.  Big Ang is out for lunch with Drita and let me just say these two chicks are fabulous television. I love Drita so much and wish I had balls as big as hers.  Actually, I think I do which may be why I love her so much.  As for Ang, this woman is simply divine.  VH1 hit gold with this woman.

Drita is telling Ang she felt set up and Ang is telling her she felt bad she pushed for reconciliation.  I cannot take my eyes off of these women. Everything about them is fascinating.  The voices, accents, profanity, makeup, all of it.  This is my favorite reality television show.  Maybe because it is the only show dealing with reality.

Ramona goes over to Renee’s house to say sorry about her party being ruined.  Really?  It was Ramona that started the problems.  If she has shut up and not pushed Karen into a tizzy, it would have been fine and they would have figured it out.  Ramona wants to be a hard ass but I’m just not that interested in her.  She’s not a star here.

Renee is perfect television.  I want to be her friend.  She is a great mix of scary and vulnerable.  I want her to be happy which I think says a lot about her.  We all just really love her.  Ramona is stirring up more crap with Renee about by sharing her hate of Carla.  Carla and Renee are friends though, so Ramona needs to watch herself here.

Renee and Carla are going to get back to being friends, and then Ramona’s words will backfire.  Ramona tells Renee she has been all over the world and people don’t act like these women in any other states.  Is she talking about the world or the states?  She is right that these women do not exist anywhere.  They are magic and magic is rare.

Drita meets Carla for drinks and it’s agreed that Drita and Carla will go with Renee to meet with Big Ang.  Ang is setting up a meeting so everyone can get along again.  Ang is the peacemaker.  She’s a grown up, not into the drama, and just wants peace.  I wish Ang was my neighbor.  Come to LA Ang! Your fans will show you a good time.

Renee lets us know she is a good letter writer from all her experience in writing to her friends and family in prison.  Love her.  She is writing a letter to Carla.  She is trying to be calm and rational in how she deals with Carla, but she is hurt that Carla did not reach out to her when she was in the hospital.  I’m with Renee on this one.

Carla should have supported her and saying she did not know how bad it was is crap. She knew she was in the hospital and that is enough to get her to make a call.  Period.  Over at Big Ang’s house, she is making lunch for her friend. She looks great when talking to the camera and I love it that these chicks all cook. No Beverly Hills reservations here.

Ang and her pal Linda are talking about picking up guys and it is awesome. These are middle-aged women who are on the prowl and owning it.  Ang tells us she’s had her lips and boobs done and it’s not enough.  She wants more. Linda is telling her to go to the Ukraine and I can’t get enough.  Ang is the breakout star of not only this show, but all television.

I love Ang’s green kitchen and matching pots.  Super cute.  Over at Drita’s house she is putting it on the market and downsizing since she is getting a divorce.  She has not spoken to Lee about it, but she knows it’s the next step.  It’s sad because you can tell she is sad about it.  She would have stuck by him if he had not cheated.

Ramona is out for drinks with Karen and she really is not that bright.  It’s entertaining, a little, but I just don’t get these two.  They are not that interesting, Karen is too aware of the camera’s, Ramona is clearly in search of 15 minutes, and in a show that screams reality, they are a little off to me. Maybe that will change.  Maybe not.

Drita is with her daughter and it’s sweet.  We forget they are moms and that the lives they lead are really hard on not only them, but their families. Drita has not told her kids she is getting a divorce, but does tell her older daughter she might sell the house.  The little girl is sad of course, and the entire exchange makes me love Drita more.

Drita is lovely with her daughter, her daughter is lovely, and I wish them nothing but good things.  Divorce is hard, but their situation makes it just a little tougher. It’s time for Big Ang’s planned cocktails with Renee, Drita and Carla. The girls are all there and all look great. Renee sits down and boom she gets into it right away.  She is ready to go.

Renee tells Carla she was hurt Carla did not acknowledge her being in the hospital and Carlo responds that it was not her fault because nobody told her.  Not sure I buy that since the gossiping with these chicks is out of control, but okay.  Renee tells Carla she wrote her a letter and they will read it together privately.  Carla and Renee make up.

I have not bought into Carla yet, but today she was much more likeable than she was in the past.  The girls are laughing and drinking and all is well again Big Ang is the glue this week and I freaking love her.  Drita has decided to sell off her jewelry and when she gets her engagement ring appraised. We learn it is worth over 100K which is good but sad.

You can see her pain and it’s unfortunate she is in this place.  Good for her though that she will have a little money to start over.  Back with Renee, she is out for dinner with Junior and they are cute together.  He cheated, she could not take it, they got divorced.  She loved him even when he was cheating on her and it’s sad.  I get it, but it’s sad.

Junior tells Renee he made some mistakes in their relationship and Renee starts to cry.  She wanted him to acknowledge that he hurt her, and he did. Who knows what will happen with them, but their dinner was nice. Renee looked beautiful and you could feel her happiness.  There are reservations to be sure, but she was happy.

Over at Karen’s, she is “acting” while talking to Ramona who called to tell her she and her boyfriend have been arrested.  Karen is not a good actress and too aware of the camera’s to be interesting to me, plus who cares?  Renee is back with Carla and reading her the letter she wrote.  It’s a nice letter and good for Renee that was calm and wrote it all down.

Carla and Renee are good and it’s nice.  It’s so funny when Renee tells the camera it was great they could make up with no physical violence.  The amount of hitting with these chicks is truly unbelievable.  There are fascinating people, leading fascinating lives, and when it comes to reality television, these Staten Island ladies are keeping it real.

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January 16, 2012 | 12:51 pm

Real Housewives of Atlanta: RECAP

Posted by Ilana Angel

We are back in Atlanta and is it just me or are these women getting boring? Furthermore, is a trip to South Africa really going to make them any more entertaining? These women no longer like each other so the interactions are ridiculous.  Give NeNe and Marlo their own show, give Phaedra her own show, and call it a day.  The rest can simply go away.

We start the show with Kim getting a gun lesson because Kroy will feel better if she can protect herself.  They actually take the baby with them to the gun shop/shooting range.  Really? Baby Kroy sleeps through the entire visit, which they want us to think took hours.  Nothing annoys me more than when Bravo thinks we’re dumb.

Here’s the thing, Kim yanks out a boob at the drop of a hat and is constantly complaining about feeding the baby every couple of hours.  She even put her children in danger by pumping her breasts while driving on the freeway, so how is it she was at the gun range for hours and never complained about it once?  Because it’s fake.  I’m so over her.

Phaedra and Apollo are having lunch with Peter and Cynthia to ease the tension between the men.  Apollo is really sweet, Peter is really annoying, Phaedra is really entertaining and Cynthia really needs to rethink her bangs.  They are all trying to be nice, but it’s just weird because they don’t like each other and you can smell how fake it is.

Phaedra tells Cynthia about the trip to South Africa and Cynthia is in. Cynthia calls Apollo Opollo, and it’s sad that Phaedra wants us to think she is hosting the ladies.  None of these chicks have real money, and those that do are not taking everyone on a trip.  This is going to be Morocco all over again, which is good, but cannot save this show.

NeNe is at a meeting with her new partner John. They are investing in a lounge of some kind and while I don’t get why that would be of interest to her, good for her.  John is clearly smitten with Nene and I’m guessing the lounge is not his ultimate goal.  I love Nene but I’m not getting this deal for her.  Get the shoes and get out.

Speaking of which, John congratulates Nene on their partnership with another pair of Louboutins, and NeNe tells us she loves a gift.  She is a little embarrassed and I think her reaction is really cute. She understands his desire to give her gifts because it means he gets to look at her.  Seriously, give this woman her own show.

Kandi and Phaedra are at an African dance class in anticipation of their fake friends trip.  Phaedra is amazing in it, while Kandi is a dud.  Kandi is just not cute.  Now remember, she does not like to gossip, and does not read the blogs, but she pulls up Marlo’s mug shots on her phone and it’s pathetic.  She is the queen of gossip.

Kim goes to her psychic and I’m skipping over it and going straight to the African history museum with Phaedra and Sheree.  Phaedra is on a mission to get everyone excited about the trip.  How it is that Sheree wants us to think she has enough money to build a chateau, yet can’t seem to afford to get her hair done for a shoot day?

Phaedra is talking about how fancy she is and also disrespecting the museum and the history of African Americans by touching the exhibits and checking the junk of a mannequin.  She was mortified Cynthia would be uncivilized by asking her age, but thinks looking under the loincloth of an exhibit piece is appropriate and civilized behavior?

Sheree says she will go on the trip to South Africa because she is willing to deal with NeNe in order to not give up the opportunity of the trip.  It has nothing to do with NeNe.  Sheree is going because it’s free and she don’t got any money.  Phaedra, Sheree, Kandi and Cynthia are now all confirmed for the trip to the motherland.  Buckle up.

Phaedra is calling the Vice President of Ghana and it’s hilarious because he clearly has no idea who she is, but she says, “I’m sure you’ve heard I’m coming”.  That one scene was the best part of the show.  That is unless you include the commercials. Real Housewives of Orange County look fantastic.  Can’t wait to say goodbye to Atlanta.

Momma Joyce has a dinner and invites all the ladies.  It’s a desperate measure that Bravo needs a fake dinner just to get the girls together.  They all hate each other so how does this show keep going? NeNe is there, but so are Sheree and Kim, who are openly and aggressively hating on her Their jealousy is palpable.

The entire dinner is stupid and proof this show simply does not work any longer because these women don’t work anymore.  Joyce is trying to get them to be friends but it’s just not going to happen.  She tells them all to dig deep which is good, but makes them talk to each other and it’s painful.  Stupid and painful.

Joyce is talking about how they are all beautiful black women and Kandi points out that Kim is in fact not a black woman.  It was funny.  Sheree is over it and wants to move on.  It was a valiant effort by Joyce, but in the end an epic fail.  They get to talking about Africa and NeNe says she is not going on the trip.

Everyone leaves the dinner and NeNe let’s Kandi know she will think about the trip.  We see a preview for next week and learn not only is NeNe going to South Africa, she brings along Marlo.  Next week could be good.  It will just be temporary of course, because this cast is over and Africa needs to be the big finish.  That is keeping it real.

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January 12, 2012 | 7:25 pm

A Conversation with Brandi Glanville

Posted by Ilana Angel

This week I had to mail a couple of packages.  I waited in line at the post office for 15 minutes because it makes perfect sense that such a busy location would only have one employee working. When I finally got my turn, the woman who was “helping” me, was a complete moron.

I spent an additional 10 minutes watching this woman work in slow motion while she stamped my packages.  I am tracking the packages and feel quite confident that they will not arrive to their destination on time, or without damage.  I almost went postal on this postal worker.

As I was leaving the post office my phone rang.  I was irritated beyond measure and wanted to vent about what a horrible experience I just had, but the caller was Brandi Glanville from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. We had arranged an interview and she called right on time.

I put on my happy voice and told her I was walking to my car and would do the interview from there.  She politely asked if I needed more time and I assured her we were good to go.  I mentioned I just left the post office and before I could help myself, I dropped the F bomb.

I explained to Brandi that the woman was an idiot, I had to use a few expletives because there was no other way to properly explain how annoying she was.  Before I could be embarrassed by my venting to a stranger, and on a work call, Brandi joined in about her grocery store.

Brandi vented about the grocery bagger at her market who throws her things in a bag like they are garbage, not food for her family.  We compared my postal worker to her bagger and it was absolutely hilarious.  This was my introduction to the fabulous Brandi Glanville.

Brandi is a breath of fresh air in a season of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills that is suffocating.  With all the crap surrounding Taylor and Kim, and the unattractive behavior of Adrienne and Kyle, Brandi came in and brought some light into a show that is very dark.

Brandi laughs easily and often.  While she does in fact drop the F bomb, it’s not nearly as often as I do so I didn’t really notice.  We spoke for almost an hour and it flew by. She answered all my questions, nothing was off limits, and she was clear and quick with her answers.

She is unguarded and quite open about herself, yet when she talks about her life you can almost hear surprise in her voice.  She is accepting of the path her life has taken, but there is an underlying tone that made me think she cannot believe this is the life she now has.

At 39, with two sons aged 4 and 8, Brandi is building a new life for herself as the one she had, and loved so much, was ripped away from her.  We all know what happened with her marriage as it played out in the tabloids, so we don’t need to hash it all out here.  She’s moved on.

Sidebar: I just want to say that I think Brandi’s ex-husband is a schmuck. He has no respect for the mother of his children and seems to forget that his behavior is being documented publicly for all to see, and those boys will one day know everything he did and didn’t do.

She now finds herself as a single mother, part of a hugely popular television franchise, and finding her way.  Brandi knew Adrienne from some charity events and when each of the housewives was asked to submit a name for a possible new cast member, Adrienne submitted Brandi.

She interviewed with a few people, went through the process and never really heard anything.  They one day out of the blue, she got a call asking if she could shoot.  She had a broken foot, but turned up in her cast, and the rest is history.  We all fell in love with her.

The show came at a good time for her and Brandi enjoys filming. When she found herself alone, with no college education, and having spent the last ten years being a wife and mother, RHOBH seemed like a good idea. It was a way for her to support her kids and build a future.

The great thing about Brandi is that she finds the women as entertaining as we do.  She does not socialize with them outside of shooting, although she has developed a friendship and affection for Lisa Vanderpump.  She is having fun and not getting sucked into the drama.

She shares custody of her kids and it is when we spoke of her children that I got a glimpse into who Brandi really is.  She loves her kids and it breaks her heart that their family is broken.  She puts on a happy face for the kids, even when she is having a low day.

Sidebar:  Single mothers are quite remarkable but for reasons that people don’t always understand.  We are strong in that we raise kids on our own, but it’s not about not having a partner to back you up, or the financial support of a husband.  It’s about love.

The hardest thing that a single mother has to endure is to be away from her children.  When our children go to visit their fathers it is a gut wrenching experience.  For me personally, I used to sit by the front door with the phone in my hand,  and wait incase my son needed me.

We are mothers in our soul and to have them leave us is hard.  When they go to a home that their father shares with another woman, it is confusing.  For us, and our kids.  Who is she?  How is she with my children? Will she comfort them if they are hurt?  Will she try to replace me?

In speaking of these things with Brandi, I was quite impressed by her.  She has come to terms with her life, and knows she has enough love in her heart to ease her pain when they are not with her, but she misses them more than she can bear sometimes.

My divorce was painful, but private.  Brandi’s was public.  It was filled with surprise, embarrassment and humiliation.  It also did not end when she signed her divorce papers.  She continues to deal with the darkness because there are some who don’t want her to be happy.

I find her resilience to be fascinating.  She is not bitter or angry, finds humor in the ridiculous things she is forced to deal with, and embraces the friends who give her strength.  She is surrounded by fiercely loyal and supportive friends, and two divine little boys.

Brandi speaks with strong conviction when she says she will not marry again. Her divorce was so painful she cannot imagine she will do it.  I think we all say that after our divorces and it take time to heal.  She is such a lovely woman that if chicks did it for me, I’d want to marry her.

She explained that she is a mother first, and another relationship will have to wait.  I imagine it is hard to trust after such betrayal, but she is strong, and it would be a true shame of she did not allow herself to find love again. She doesn’t need to marry, but I insist she loves.

I asked Brandi to describe herself in three words and she chose fun, feisty and sensitive.  The fun and feisty are a given, but the sensitive might be surprising.  In speaking with her though, you can feel it.  She’s a very sweet girl and I found myself wanting to protect her.

When she speaks of her divorce and her kids, I wanted to reach through the phone and hug her.  Surprisingly however, she reached through and hugged me.  I asked her what she wanted to say to women who relate to her situation, and her response was really fabulous.

She is aware that people think she is pretty, and that her bum is legendary to those of us who watch RHOBH, but she wanted me to remind women that her husband left her.  We think looking like that would make life easy, but in the end she is just like you and me.

She questioned what was wrong with her.  What she too old?  Too tall?  To skinny?  Not smart enough?  Not sexy enough? What could she have done to save her marriage?  Could she have said anything to keep her family together?  Her vulnerability is what hugged me.

Brandi spent a lot of time in mourning.  She cried too much, slept too much, and drank too much.  Then when she was done, she was done.  Her advice to other women is to get out of the house.  Find a hobby, get a job, see your friends, enjoy your children.  Don’t waste life.

There is power in positive thinking and she wants women to know that they will be okay. She is okay.  She takes great strength from the fans of the show and loves to check messages on Twitter.  She feels empowered by the kindness sent to her by all her fans.

Brandi Glanville is a great girl. She is smart, charming, resilient, honest, vulnerable, and hard as nails.  This is a girlie girl and a broad all rolled up into one fabulous lady.  I ended our chat thinking I would like to talk to her more.  We all need a friend like Brandi Glanville.

I sent Brandi a tweet to thank her for the interview and she wrote back to say that I must now be her friend or she would cut me.  I’m so scared of this very funny girl!  I hope Brandi becomes a regular cast member of RHOBH because she belongs there, and we need her.

Brandi Glanville is my new friend.  Not because she is famous, and in spite of the fact that the bitch is so pretty and skinny.  She will be my friend because she will lift me up when I need it, lean on me when she needs it, and no matter what she says or does, she will always keep it real.

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January 11, 2012 | 11:11 pm

The Bachelor RECAP

Posted by Ilana Angel

Before we get started let me just vent on a couple of things.  1) It totally pisses me off when Ben sys he planned his dates.  He planned nothing.  He is a puppet, as he should be, and we know he is going with the flow.  2) That these chicks are crying so much and proclaiming their love for Ben makes me laugh.  By laugh of course it mean I think they are all demented.

We are in Sonoma as Ben is spending a few days with the chicks in the town he calls home.  He’s sweet and I think I really like him, but when he talks I start fantasizing about cutting his hair.  It looks dirty.  Wash your hair Ben. It’s what your dad would have wanted.  The first date card goes to Kacie B. and the claws are coming out.

Ben and Kacie go on a walk through town and they are cute, young and for the next hour, madly in love.  It’s a little sugary for me and these two together give me a cavity.  As they twirl a baton down Main Street, and Ben proclaims to be man enough to do it.  I have to laugh because it’s clearly 3 am, there is nobody watching, and nobody cares.

Ben talks in slow motion.  Probably because his hair is so long it blocks his hearing so there is a delay.  He gives a rose to Kacie and she is safe because he can really see her living there with him.  This is vomit inducing, yet I cannot seem to get enough of it.  They are falling in television love while back at the house the bitches are scheming.

Ben and Kacie go to a movie theater and they show a video montage of the two of them growing up.  Ben sees himself as a child with his dad and while I openly love to hate this show, I am now crying.  I love Ben, I love his dad, I miss my own dad, I want them to live happily ever after.  The Bachelor is the best worst reality show ever.

It’s time for the group date and these eleven chicks are a seriously crazy bunch.  They are going to put on a play that has been written by a group of kids.  They need to “audition” for a part and the public humiliation is fantastic.  What these chicks will do to get one more night in the harem is shocking.  We can clearly separate the fame whores from the nice girls.

I could write about Blakeley and her boobs but there is no point.  She makes me want to cut myself with a shard of glass.  She’s disgusting.  Back at the house Courtney is being a horrible witch to the other girls. She has a deformed mouth of some kind and really strange eyebrows.  She is a loon and I don’t find her at all interesting.

They are rehearsing the play and I’m bored.  It’s just silly but anytime we see Jenna is fun so it’s worth it for those glimpses.  Listening to the girls talk about how nervous they are because the audience is expecting a serious show from real actors is making me want to bang my head against the wall. If not for my wine I would have a concussion right now.

I’m not sure if anything funny happened during the play because I skipped over it.  I also want to once again mention that Chris Harrison is not needed on this show.  He does nothing and there is simply no need.  It’s cocktail and hot tub time. Blakeley’s teeth are too big and I think she looks like that Saved By the Bell chick who did Striptease.

Important to note, Blakeley will have to split her fifteen minutes of fame with her boobs, which is good and means we’ll only have to deal with 5 minutes.  Samantha goes off to hide in the bathroom and is comforted by a couple of the other girls while sitting on the toilet.  Classy.  She’s pissed that Blakeley is such a bitch.  Whatever.

Back at the house Courtney gets the next one on one date and she gloats, fake laughs, and stabs a knife into the other girl’s hearts.  Just a jab, but still enough to hurt. On the group date the girls are all over Ben in the pool and it’s so dirty.  Jennifer is falling for him and totally makes out with him in the hot tub.  She’s cute.  Too bad.

They have absolutely no chemistry and so it looks gross.  The girls all think Jennifer will get the rose since she rocked it in the play, and when Blakeley hears that she goes back for more one on one with Ben and makes out with him.  Everyone is watching them from the bushes and poor Jennifer is crushed.  I feel sad for her. She’s a little dumb.

Ben gives out the one rose of the night and it goes to the whore bag.  I mean Blakeley.  Jennifer is crying because she wants to fall in love and I want to hug her and tell her she is too pretty and sweet to be on this show. Everyone thinks Blakeley is a bitch, and possibly a man. When she rejoins the group they all get up and leave.  Hilarious.

Ben takes his dog and goes to pick up Courtney for their date.  He thinks she’s gorgeous but she’s odd looking.  He is gushing all over her, which is cute, but pathetic.  Her outfit is ugly and her saying she never dates is ridiculous. She is a fame whore and no matter how much Ben tries to talk himself into this one, he family will veto it.

I just noticed that she has a slightly protruding forehead and her eyes cross a little when she tries to think.  She can’t be trusted.  She’s bored at their dinner and is thinking about fame not Ben.  She probably idolizes Kim Kardashian.  Next. I’m skipping over the rest of their date before I jump out the window just to make it stop.

It’s time for the cocktail; party and Ben wants to spend time with the girls who didn’t get a date this week.  He hangs with Lindzi who got the first impression rose and it’s a little awkward.  They have not spoken since she made such a good impression.  She’s a little horse obsessed and so while the dimple is awesome, she is boring and won’t last.

Ben then goes off with Samantha who had a mini breakdown on the group date.  She is telling him she is normal when Blakeley walks in and breaks up their time for more one on one time, which the girls think is selfish because she already has a rose.  It’s a competition girls, not a make out with the same guy and get new friends show.  Losers.

Blakeley goes to talk to Ben again and he blows her off.  We’re not told why but I imagine it’s because he needed to go to the bathroom.  The girls now all officially hate Blakeley and think she is a whore. Ben returns and asks Jenna for alone time.  She is a freaking mess and that she blogs about finding love is brilliant.  He is clearly repulsed by her.

She makes weird movements with her mouth and to secure her fate, she tells Ben she thinks she is not only a man, but not a good girl.  She is mumbling, making no sense, and appears to be having a brain malfunction of some kind.  I don’t even think she is drunk.  She has cemented her spot as a reality TV train wreck and I have loved every minute.

I didn’t bother with Blakely and her fake and scripted luggage room chat with Ben because I’ve wasted too much time on her and her whoring ways. I’m jumping to the rose ceremony where my beloved Jenna is sent home, along with some girl in a red dress whose name I can’t remember.  As loyal viewers they should have given us one more week of Jenna.

Jenna is crying and feels sick.  She is in shock and cannot believe this is happening.  She asks the cameraman if he is kidding her.  She is mortified! She deserves love and has been searching for it!  Damn you Bachelor!  She was the best part of this show and I am shocked.  Mortified!  I must blog about this now!  Time to keep it real!

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