May 19, 2011 | 10:16 pm

The Real Housewives of New York Are My Heroin

Posted by Ilana Angel

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You have to wonder if these chicks have any idea how horrible they look on television.  It’s entertaining for us to be sure, but at what point will they realize we are laughing at them?  They are a bunch of drunk and whorish mean girls, and who would have predicted that in the end Kelly, the mayor of Crazytown, would end up being the most likeable one?

The episode starts with Sonja and Countless having lunch.  LuAnn says her kids are with her ex and Sonja simply sys her daughter is away.  Her daughter is little so I image “away” means her dad finally got around to watching last season and in the best interest of his child, is not allowing her to spend as much time with her slutty mom.

Sonja says she came straight from the gym, and took a bath first.  Really?  My gym does not have baths so did she come from the gym or from home?  I’m not buying that she goes to the gym.  They are talking about where to go on holiday with the ladies and Italy comes up but Sonja is worried Italy will be too expensive.  A telling statement.

Sonja Morgan may have a nice home but I’m thinking she has no money and would not be surprised if she were “working”.  Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.  They decide they will go to Morocco, which LuAnn says is like going to Paris.  Really Countless?  I have been to both Morocco and Paris and it’s like night and day.  LuAnn is very pretty, and quite dumb.

Jill is in.  Ramona is in, even though the entire country does not respect women. Cindy is in which is weird because her kids are so little, but good for her.  Kelly is concerned and needs to think about it.  Alex is in.  It’s not bad enough that they are causing train wrecks all over New York City, they are now going to pollute Morocco with their crap.

LuAnn and Ramona are out for lunch and Countless starts up immediately.  She’s a hardcore bully.  She is badgering Ramona about her treatment of Jill, and Ramona looks like she is going through withdrawal.  I kept expecting her to pull a flask of pinot out of her purse and start chugging.  Countless is a loon and Ramona is a drunk.

Sidebar:  As I’m watching I keep checking my Twitter and Jill is out of control. She is tweeting live during the show and it’s quite sad.  She comments on everything, while trying to get people to sign up for her newsletter.  May be she is trying to be funny but it’s coming across as sad and pathetic, and there is nothing funny about it.

Sonja is crazy which is too bad because when she came on the show she was a breath of fresh air and my favorite.  She is now a dried up old hag who is slutty, whorish and skanky.  Shame.  She is so pretty and funny, but her desperate attempts to capture fame have made her ugly.  She is having a photo shoot for her toaster oven cookbook.

The interesting thing is that there is no book.  It’s an idea, not an actual book.  Kelly comes to check it out and I was surprised that I loved her.  Kelly is great this season.  I don’t quite understand her Catholic schoolgirl outfit in her 40’s, but she is entertaining.  She does not get the photo shoot and shares that it’s lame which is awesome.

Jill, Cindy, LuAnn and Kelly are off to a spa getaway.  Kelly tells the ladies she saw Sonja’s vagina and it’s hilarious.  She really is a prude and has never seen another woman’s vagina.  The other women are shocked by her and Kelly does not get why she would have seen one.  After all, she is not a gynecologist.  The gossiping starts and they trash Ramona.

Kelly shares with Countless that she was abused in her past relationships and it’s sad.  Weird that she would share it now, but whatever, still sad.  Good for her that she talked about it.  I like Kelly.  They finally arrive at the spa and the ladies are tired.  Cindy gives them all robes and Jill is cute, opening it and putting it on in the lobby.  She is adorable sometimes.

Countless Judgey McJudgerson is mortified by Jill’s behavior.  Whatever.  The girls are having spa treatments and it looks awesome.  They go to some drum circle thing that looks lame to me, but okay. Kelly is into it, Jill is mocking it, LuAnn is faking it, and Cindy is embracing it.  Back in the city Ramona is applying to be the new mayor of Crazytown.

Ramona, Alex, and Sonja are at her plastic surgeon seeing about getting work done.  Now that Alex is a model, she needs to take care of her skin.  Right.  Sonja is getting her stomach vacuumed and she says the Dr. told her to work out more, which she says she does not do, which proves that when she said she was coming from the gym, she lied.  Busted.

LuAnn is crazy. She tells the spa ladies that when she had lunch with Ramona, Ramona was complaining about having hot flashes.  When the ladies ask about it, she says she was just sweating.  Bitch.  Kelly tells them she is not coming to Morocco because she will not feel safe with Ramona.  I’m sure Bravo is making her go.  Come on, she’s going.

Jill is hosting a charity event to stop bullying in colleges.  Jill is a gossip and a baby and it’s so sad because I like her and it bugs the crap out of me that the bitchy, mean, drama girl, is the Jew.  She was so great in the beginning and now she is just mortifying.  She does not represent Jewish women in a good light and that’s too bad.

Ramona arrives and she brought her own wine and is chasing waiters around to get someone to open a bottle.  LuAnn arrives on fire and is immediately picking a fight with Ramona.  She is mean and nasty and it’s gross.  Poor Ramona.  Everyone is mean to her and on top of all that, her outfit is ridiculous for a women in her fifties to be wearing.

Ramona tells the camera that LuAnn can be a real B-I.  What the hell is that?  Did Ramona forget how to spell bitch?  Is she drunk? She looks like Kathy Lee Gifford.  This is a horrible group of ladies and by ladies of course I mean low class losers who made money and think that class comes along with it.  That’s not how it works girls.

Everyone is bitching about everyone else and Kelly announces that she is coming to Morocco.  Called it.  Jill is concerned that Ramona is a drunk.  Ramona goes to Kelly and tells her she wants alone time with her in Morocco.  Ramona is hammered, Kelly is patient, and Alex, the supermodel, is rather unfortunate looking.  Truly.  Not that cute.

The show ends with Ramona being insensitive, surprise, and Jill predicting that Morocco will not be good.  Bingo.  The sneak peek into the Morocco trip looks like it will be entertaining.  By entertaining of course I mean a train wreck.  The housewives are my heroin so I will be watching because I can’t stop, and my blog will do what the ladies cannot, keep it real.

May 19, 2011 | 1:03 am

American Idol: Do We Care Who Wins? & Why is Randy Jackson Still There?

Posted by Ilana Angel

We are down to the final three contestants in a season where there was a lot of talent. The thing is, the top three most talented are not the ones who are left.  I’ve invested too much time in the season to stop watching now but the truth is, I don’t really care who wins.

I really thought that James Durbin would win.  Pia Toscano had the best voice, but she was incredibly boring so I get why she got the boot.  James and Pia will have huge careers so I’m not worried about them.  In the end I think their not winning will be a blessing.

Before we talk about the remaining singers, let’s talk about Ryan and the judges.  It took me a long time to get Ryan Seacrest.  I thought he was overpaid for doing a mediocre job.  I have thought for years the best live competition host is Tom Bergeron of DWTS.

That said, Ryan has grown on me.  He is funny, smart, quick, and sensitive to the contestants.  I think Simon leaving was the best thing to happen for Ryan as Simon seemed to put him on edge.  This season he looks more relaxed and comfortable, which makes him appealing.

Jennifer Lopez is gorgeous, talented, and a good fit for this show.  She is sweet to the contestants, tries to help them, but is clearly in love with her own voice because she talks during Steven and Randy’s time too.  She’s great, but a bit of a spotlight hog which is getting old.

Steven Tyler is perfection.  I loved him before the show, love him on the show, and will love him long after the show is gone.  He is oddly attractive, funny, sexy, and sincere.  While the definition of a rock star, he is also a supportive father figure who builds up the singers.

That brings us to Randy Jackson.  Really?  Why is this guy even on this show?  He has nothing of interest to say, says nothing to help the kids out, looks ridiculous, and has overstayed his welcome.  I never got why he was there season one and will never get why he’s still there.

I’ve met Randy and he is lovely.  Sweet and funny, but that does mean he should be on this show anymore.  They should have dumped him at the end of last season when everything was changing and started completely fresh.  He is boring, lame and I fast forward over everything he says.

Scotty McCreery is a cute kid.  He is going to be a huge country star and that’s awesome.  He is humble and charming and has a nice voice.  At only 17 he is destined to be an American hero.  He loves singing, America, the troops and Jesus.  God bless him.  He might actually win.

Lauren Alaina is old enough to know that the clothes they are putting her in are not flattering.  I like this girl and while I don’t understand her hair color, I think she is a good singer.  I think she could win, don’t think she will win, and think her stylist should get canned.

Haley Reinhart is a good singer but does not appear to have a personality.  When she does the growling thing it makes me wonder how she got this far.  That said, she won round one of the semifinals.  She tripped during her first song and handled it like a pro.  I dug her for the first time.

Round two for Scotty was perfect.  He is a country star and looks like a seasoned professional.  There are no surprises with him, he is not as versatile as others have been, but that’s okay.  Carrie Underwood was a country singer who could sing anything.  Scotty can only sing country.

Round two for Lauren was odd.  Her dress was once again unfortunate, her jewelry was ugly, and she the lyrics were sad.  It’s a great song but I thought an unkind choice in terms of luck.  I’m quite superstitious and thought the song was bad.  She is young and sweet and I like her.

Round two for Haley was great.  Perfect song, perfect dress, perfect performance.  She gets better every time I hear here.  My kid has liked her from the beginning but I’m only just getting her now.  She could win I suppose.  In a Taylor Hicks what ever happened to her kind of way.

Round three for Scotty had him singing classic Kenny Rogers.  He wasn’t nearly as good as Kenny.  He is a country music star, which is an American genre so I suppose he could win.  Little girls and country fans will pray to Jesus he is in the finals and I think he will be there.

Round three for Lauren had her in a prom dress that was distracting.  She sang I Hope You Dance and it was beautiful.  She is a great singer and can sing more than just country.  She could be a crossover singer like Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson.  I voted for her.

Round three for Haley had her singing an Alanis Morisette anthem and she killed it, not in a good way.  She sounded horrible and ruined the song. This round reminded me why I did not dig her.  Two great songs, and one to seal her fate.  I predict America sends her home.  She sucked.

Tomorrow we will know who the final two are.  I predict it will be Lauren and Scotty in a country style finish.  Haley needs to go home and so does Randy Jackson.  I will be back next week to talk about the finale.  I predict Scotty will win and be the next American Idol.

By win of course I mean he really come in 4th because James, Pia, and Casey out-sung him.  America’s mistake will be his success so good for him.  I won’t buy his album, but others will.  I will buy albums from Pia, Casey, and James, and talk about how they all got robbed.

I wonder if Simon Cowell watchesl.  I miss him and think if he were still on the outcome would be different.  The judges kept people in that he would have ousted.  If he were there I think Pia and James would be in the finals. We’ll never know because only Simon was keeping it real.

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May 18, 2011 | 9:29 pm

Keeping it Real - An Uncensored & Opinionated Blog About Reality Television

Posted by Ilana Angel

I love reality television.  By love of course I mean I am addicted to it like a drug.  Not a recreational drug that you did in college and forgot about, but rather like heroin where you are certain if you don’t get it, or in this case watch it, your life might fall apart.  Sad and pathetic?  Yes.

I watch a lot of reality television and have been writing about it on my other blog, Keeping The Faith, here at the Jewish Journal.  My Keeping The Faith blog focuses on dating, sex, motherhood, politics, Judaism, and my never ending search for my beshert.

It felt weird to write about serious issues then have the real housewives of wherever thrown into the mix.  So here we are, with my second blog for the Jewish Journal.  You can follow both blogs @ilanaangel.  Keeping It Real is about reality television and Keeping The Faith is about my reality.

I will write about the housewives, the bachelors, the bachelorettes, the skinny girls, the chefs, the idols, the kids from the shore, and the voices.  I will write about all of it, and it may not be pretty because reality television is not pretty.  What it is, is addictive, and addictions are generally bad.

If admission is the first stop to recovery, then let me say that my name is Ilana Angel and I addicted to reality television.  I think Bethenny is a liar, Danielle is a slut, Rosie has a speech impediment, Teresa’s husband is a loser, the Situation is a pig, and they are all fame whores.

You can agree, or not, but your comments will always be welcomed and shared.  I am watching American Idol as I write and think that will be my first blog.  If you think Randy Jackson is the cats meow, then be prepared for me to piss you off because he is useless on this show.

Everyone is looking for 15 minutes of fame, or a million dollar paycheck, and I’m hooked power to them.  I’ve had such horrible dates lately, staying home to watch reality television, with my cats, is more entertaining than dating.  Embarrassing to admit, but I’m keeping it real.

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