Posted by Ilana Angel
This week’s episode opens with a clear example of why Chris Harrison is not needed on this show. His one minute appearances are silly and the guys could read what he says off a television. Is Ashley so dumb that she needs Chris to tell her it is the final rose when there is clearly only one rose left?
William wins the first date in Vegas. He is a phone salesman and the sweetest thing ever. He genuinely seems to like her and is not taking any of the experiences for granted. I dig this guy and while he is a little emotionally young, he is a frontrunner for me.
Back at the house Jeff, the guy with the mask, continues to be creepy. It’s entertaining to be sure, but proof Mike Fleiss knows his show makes a mockery of love and is more train wreck than love story. That Jeff is on this show tells us Fleiss is no longer brilliant, just sleazy.
Back in Vegas William and Ashley are going to get married. It’s ridiculous and her fake laugh makes me want to cut myself. She is immature and getting on my nerves. Just as Ali before her, she is a fame whore and her talk of getting married at the end is crap. I’m not buying it.
William goes along for the ride and he is so sweet that I hope she dumps him so he can meet someone great. He says she is someone anyone would want to marry but the thing is, he knows nothing about her so how is he so sure? She is just a girl and that they all get sucked in is sad.
At the fake wedding Ashley says she can’t marry him because she has 17 men back at the house. William says it’s the best first date of his life and she agrees that it’s hers too. She said the same thing after her first date with Brad so I would not give it too much attention.
The next part of their date is spent having dinner in the fountains of the Bellagio Hotel. William tells Ashley that his dad died an alcoholic. He is open and honest and I loved him for putting it all out there. Ashley’s response is fake acting at it’s best. She is ridiculous.
Back at the house Jeff is ready to take off his mask and 12 men prepare for a group date in Las Vegas. Jeff is not selected for the first date so he will be in his mask a little longer. 5 men are left behind and back at dinner, Ashley gives William a rose and he is in for another week.
The group date is for the men to dance in a Vegas show. The men are split into two groups of 6 and they need to come up with a routine. One group stays in Vegas and the other group goes back to LA. The sexual innuendos about dancing are juvenile and Ashley is painfully bowlegged.
The men do their routines for the Jabbawockeez dance crew and it’s painful for us to watch 1 minute so I image they all needed to shower to get the stink off of them after the taping. Ashley dances with them and it’s so dumb. She is freakishly short and very annoying.
Six men go back to LA and the others get ready for their performance. Back at the house the remaining men are happy some of them have returned. The show is going on in Vegas and Ashley now has 7 men in masks trying to win her heart. She dances, the men drool.
Ashley meets with each of the six men for a few minutes. She talks to the dentist, fake laughs, and there is no chemistry. She talks to West and he tells her he killed his wife, I mean his wife died. Her reaction is painful as she tries to force tears that just don’t come.
Bentley is fabulous to watch and the best reason to tune in. He is a jackass and it’s fascinating. Ashley is different around him so it must be love. He likes him and he could care less and lets us al know he is not into her and only went on hoping to meet Emily.
When he saw Emily was not the Bachelorette he wanted to bail but he’s competitive and stayed. He says she has a rocking body but is not into her. Then, for reasons I do not understand, Ashley begs him to stay. Seriously begs and it’s gross. By gross I mean divine.
Ashley has one rose to give out on the group date and she gives it to Bentley. Is she kidding? Are they telling her who to pick to create great television or is she simply an idiot? I refuse to believe that she could not tell that he was just not that into her. She was even told he was not into her.
The next date is decided by a coin toss and it goes to Mickey, leaving JP at home. Mickey gets ready and Jeff the masked man is crushed that he was not given a date this week. He does not understand why he did not get chosen and does not appear to understand how creepy he is.
Mickey and Ashley are in Vegas and decide their entire day should be based on flipping a coin. He wins the toss and gets to ask her a question and asks her when the last time she cried was. Really? The Bachelorette is scripted and sadly it’s scripted by a monkey. I am so done.
Ashley and Mickey are having dinner and she is talking with her mouth full and constantly picking her teeth with her tongue. Mickey shares that his mother passed away and Ashley cannot keep her hands off of him yet she decides to flip a coin to see if he gets a rose. Blah, blah, blah.
Ashley talks about what a magical night they are having but they appear to have no chemistry together. He wants it to be his last first date ever which is fascinating because spending a lifetime with her laugh would make me want to kill myself. Mickey is gorgeous, but a clearly a little simple.
Back at the house it’s another cocktail party and JP steals her away quickly. He lost the date to a coin toss so he pulls out a coin and says they will flip for a kiss. He wins the coin toss and they start making out as she tells us she is not one to go in for a kiss. Right. That is very clear.
Nick gives her a line-dancing lesson and in the middle of their moment together, William the cell phone guy comes out to get her. Our little William is getting cocky and it’s funny. Nick refers to William as Ding Dong and the other men adopt the new nickname. William is in it to win it.
Jeff decides he is going to talk to Ashley and remove his mask. He tells her he had a brain hemorrhage at 29 and is lucky to be alive. His wife left him and it was a long road to recovery. It’s weird that he tells her he almost died and her first question is why did he get divorced?
It was incredibly rude and I almost felt bad for him. Almost because just as I thought I would have sympathy for him, I remembered how creepy he is. Matt interrupts them and Jeff’s mask removal is postponed. Jeff is a plant and if she keeps him it’s because she was instructed to.
Ben from New Orleans gets a minute and he is super sweet. She fake laughs, does the head tilt, and I want to smack her. Back with the other guys, William is bragging about his date and Bentley tells us he would rather swim in pee than plan a wedding with Ashley.
Oh. My. God. I freaking love watching this guy. Bentley the douchebag picks her up and carries her to the fireplace to make out. He kisses her, she falls in love, and he tells us the kiss sucked. She tells us she can trust him because he is so sincere and he could be the one for her.
She hands out her roses and surprise, surprise Jeff the masked man gets one. Are they kidding? We have made Mike Fleiss and his lackeys rich and he treats us like we are stupid. There is no way in hell she would have picked him to get a rose on her own. Simply no way in hell.
Harrison comes out to let us know that one single rose on the table all by itself is the final rose of the night. I want to scream it’s so stupid. Matt gets dumped and calls his mom. Stephen the hairdresser is out, as is Ryan M. who tells us Ashley lost out on a great guy. He should feel lucky.
In the promo for next week it looks like Bentley has enough and leaves the show, but not until he crushes her. I hope it’s just a tease and he is not leaving. I will watch because I’m paid to, but I want Bentley to stay in so there is someone entertaining to watch, so I’m keeping the faith.
12.8.13 at 9:55 pm | Momma Joyce is all kinds of crazy.
12.7.13 at 8:49 am | What the hell is Bravo giving us?
12.7.13 at 7:29 am | I'm not going to lie, these women and the men. . .
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire.
12.2.13 at 7:09 pm | Second week in a row of boring television.
12.2.13 at 7:12 am | I was bored with all the jumping around.
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire. (4823)
12.2.13 at 7:09 pm | Second week in a row of boring television. (3078)
12.1.13 at 9:20 am | The constant end endless desire to hurt someone. . . (1597)
May 31, 2011 | 12:36 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
This week starts out with Kathy talking to her husband Rich, who I love. She is complaining Teresa was not open to talking with her. She says she wants to have a sit down with Caroline to clear the air and set things straight between the two of them.
Teresa is at a photo shoot for her new cookbook. Bless her but she is so dumb. She is telling her publisher she does not like recipes with a lot of “ingrediences” and pronounces cumin as “kummin”. It is fascinating this woman is New York Times best selling author.
Back at Melissa’s, Joe gets home and he is pissed off and not talking to her. It’s because she has not had sex with him in four days and his body is full of “poison”. She is telling him she is tired and he is telling her, in front of his kids, he must be “serviced” whenever he wants and without sex he will die.
Jacqueline goes to see a fortuneteller. She may be dumber than Teresa. She sys when she first went to see her, she was very “skeptic”. The fortune faker is telling her stuff anyone who watches the show knows. This show is laughable. Why are we watching?
Albie and Christopher have gotten their own apartment and it’s moving day. Jacqueline gave them a stripper pole, which is interesting because Caroline is carrying it down the hall and it’s clearly used. Did she get it on Craig’s list from Danielle during her moving sale?
Jacqueline’s parents are visiting and her dad tells her part of Ashley’s issues are because of her since she gave her daughter a broken home. Ouch. We find out Ashley’s dad is remarried with 4 kids. If she hates being with her mom so much, why not go to her Dad?
Kathy goes to talk to Caroline but she could care less. She is not receptive to Kathy, does not acknowledge it was nice of her to come and try to clear the air. I like Caroline but she was a bitch to Kathy. That said, Kathy’s appeal is fading.
Melissa is giving her kids a bath and Joe is insisting they have sex. She is focused on babies and he is demanding sex, in front of his kids. It’s so gross it’s funny. He tells the camera about the high sex drive of his family but we already knew because Teresa told us.
Rich gives Kathy a new Mercedes as a surprise gift and she never once says thank you. She gets in the car, drives off, talked to her kids about it, but never says thank you. He gives her flowers too, she throws out a thanks, gives the flowers back, and gets in the car. I thought she was rude.
Kim D is having Teresa, Caroline and Jacqueline to a shop in the city to pick out clothes. Why is Kim allowed back on this show? She is not interesting. Teresa is talking about Thanksgiving and Kim is answering for her and belittling Teresa. I am not a fan of the Kim’s.
Caroling tells Teresa that Kathy came to visit her and Teresa is not having it. She refuses to take any blame for what is going on in her family and it’s frustrating. She simply does not hear and is more concerned with taking blame than trying to fix a war in her own family.
Teresa comes over to Jacqueline’s to get her help on a letter to her brother. She tells the camera that she has more brains than her brother and since she ‘s the older one, she is going to not be stubborn and work to make the family better. Her letter is sad and I felt for her.
Jacqueline is trying to help her tweak it and play to her audience and Teresa is not having any of it. Teresa only wants to talk about herself and could care less about her brother. Sidebar: Jacqueline has had so much fuller put in her mouth that her upper lip does not move at all. Icky.
Her attempts to write the letter reminded me of Cher write the letter to her son in MASK when he was at summer camp. She was tortured and try to make it look like she didn’t care but she was tormented as she tried to get it perfect. At the end of the day this family is clearly unstable.
Melissa and Joe get home and find the letter Teresa has left. Joe refuses to read it so Melissa does. It turns out Teresa wrote a very nice letter. Sidebar: Who goes to work out in full make up? It’s insane how much make up these chicks wear. Melissa tellsr Joe to call Teresa.
Next week it’s Thanksgiving in New Jersey and it will be interesting to see what happens with the family at war. This show is becoming less and less entertaining every week. Will it eventually get to the point where I actually miss Danielle? I hope not, so I’m keeping the faith.
May 27, 2011 | 11:50 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
The “ladies” are off to Morocco and the show starts with LuAnn, Jill, Kelly and Cindy on their flight. LuAnn is teaching them important Arabic words and butchering the language. Jill is being loud, Kelly is being oddly calm, and poor Cindy has no idea that she is going on holiday in Crazytown.
They get to their house and it’s fabulous. They are all nice and warm to the staff and it’s cute. Cindy was cute as she kept bowing to the house lady. You can tell so much about someone by how they treat staff, and these chicks were lovely which was nice because it could have gone either way.
As these four are getting settled, Sonja, Ramona and Alex are on their flight. Ramona is worried that they will not have her comforts in Morocco, Sonja is off scoping the plane for mile high options, and Alex calls Simon. She calls him “beautiful boy” which is nauseating but funny.
The two drunks and chick with the gay husband arrive and they are on their way to the house. Sonja is talking about how she’s been around the world and is used to high end travel, and it is too funny because that was a million year ago. She is a complete poser.
Back at the house Cindy is trying to call her kids so she can sing to them over the phone. They are babies and clearly can’t talk to her, but the nanny tells her they know it’s her and like the call. Kelly is trying to burst her bubble and it’s hilarious. Who knew kelly would be so great?
It’s cute that she calls and cries. I like Cindy and think her and Kelly are a fun combination. Poor Cindy is away from her kids and trying to be one of the gang meanwhile she is about to enter in Crazytown. It will be interesting to see how she handles it and I hope she keeps her balls.
Countless and Jill are playing tennis and LuAnn says Ramona sent an email of requests. She needs 600 thread count sheets, hand weights, and pinot. I don’t know why she was invited because they would never travel together. Bravo is scripting an international scandal.
Is the money and fake celebrity so great that they are willing to compromise themselves in such a way? I guess so. These three weeks of shows are going to be fabulous to watch. I’ve got a bottle of wine ready because a train wreck is coming!
In the car ride to the house Sonja and Ramona are insane. They are rude, obnoxious and the very reason foreign countries hate Americans. Alex the supermodel is embarrassed and Ramona tells the camera Sonja travels the world. Clearly Ramon is putting Sonja Kool-aid in her pinot.
The drunks and supermodel arrive and LuAnn goes out to meet them. She is standing with the staff telling them how wonderful they all are when the trash blows in. Sonja is worried the driver will steal her stuff, Ramona is manic, and Alex is just happy to get away from them.
Jill is telling the camera she needs to have a conversation with Ramona on this trip. Newsflash Jill, no you don’t. She learns nothing from past mistakes and like to repeat your errors. She talks to the camera with her new hair and she looks pretty but ridiculous at the same time. Poor Jill.
Kelly is pleased with their arrival and Jill is the voice of doom, certain something bad is coming. Ramona insists the house lady unpack her. She is in Morocco for a week and has packed as if she is going to a hooker convention in Vegas. Ramona is a drunk and driving me to drink.
Alex is getting settled while the other four ladies are having lunch. They are talking about Ramona’s inappropriate clothes. Kelly is hilarious, Jill is a gossip who cannot keep her mouth shut, and Cindy is slowly realizing what she is dealing with.
Cindy goes to her room and sees her hangers are missing. Someone has taken her hangers and all eyes point to Ramona. Cindy is a successful woman, and a grown up, and she is about to spend a week of high school in Morocco. I feel bad for her.
Ramona is mean, drunk, and nasty. LuAnn goes to see what is happening and they are all cackling hens about the hangers. I cannot image how it would be worth it to do this show. Do they not see how we see them? This show must mortifying to their daughters.
Ramona and Sonja have decide to go out. I mean sneak out. They just left and it was by accident that LuAnn saw them. By accident of course I mean a producer told her to run out. LuAnn is annoyed and Jill is gossiping again. She cannot control herself.
LuAnn is talking about how well off Sonja is, and Kelly disagrees. She tells the truth about Sonja and I love it. I’m thinking Sonja has no money and would venture a guess that she will have a custody battle on her future. She lives in squalor and that’s not good for her kid.
LuAnn, Cindy, Jill and Cindy go shopping and run into Brad. He’s the one who ruined Jill’s apartment. Jill tells us she told him to come, which is weird. This guy is not entertaining. He is boring so I’m not sure how he scored camera time in Morocco.
Brad is having a party and the ladies are all going. LuAnn goes to gather all the girls and Sonja and Ramona are hammered. Jill tells Ramona her hair looks great but her hair looks ridiculous. Alex is rested and ready to go, while Sonja and Ramona look like hookers.
LuAnn is trying to be a lady but she is seething. She has a famous Moroccan designer come to make kaftans for the ladies and it’s a mess. Ramona is rude, Sonja is slutty, LuAnn is mortified, and Alex is wondering if as a supermodel she can walk in his next fashion show.
They arrive to the party and Brad makes a b-line to Ramona after he spent all afternoon saying he hates her. Jill is trashing Brad, which is typical. I love Jill and it’s sad to see what has happened to her and a shame that she did it all herself. She’s got a gossip problem.
The party seems good but then it gets great. There is a fortuneteller. She does not speak English and who knows if Countless can really speak French. She tells Jill she talks too much, Sonja can be with someone without money, and Kelly that she will have another baby.
Then she tells Ramona that Mario is having an affair. Kelly is there to translate and refuses to tell Ramona. LuAnn however has no problem and happily let’s Ramona know. This was a tame episode but it looks like next week will be killer. My addiction to this show is out of control.
I’m watching, and I love it, but I feel sorry for these women. This show is ruining their reputations and they will never be able to recover from what what they are doing. They are a bunch of nasty and entitled women who are entertaining and fun to laugh at.
This season is going toe b great but you can;t help but think back to the first year, before they were famous, when watching the lives was fun. The show is now more cringeworthy than fun. It’s great to watch, but for completely different reasons.
It will be interesting to see how the Moroccan trip plays out. The promo looks fabulous and you know crap is going to hit the fan. I’m most excited to see how Kelly handles it all and if Cindy is able to not get sucked into Crazytown, and keep it real.
May 26, 2011 | 9:01 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I got countless emails from fans of Scotty saying that they were praying he would win. If you count all the votes he got, along with the requests that were sent God’s way, it is no surprise he won American Idol. This is a remarkable young man who is just what the country needed.
I’ve liked this kid from the get go. He was a star right from the start. He is posed and charming, and cute as can be. He will be a huge country star and I predict the highest record selling idol. I like country music, I like country music fans, and I think this kid is going to be a good role model.
It was a star studded show. Ryan was charming and looked great. I cannot believe how much I like this guy when for a long time I just did not get him. The show starts with a group number of Lady Gaga and it makes me want to jump out a window, the group numbers are painful to watch.
I don’t even remember the name of the chick with braids but she is bugging the crap out of me and bless Pia, who is such a great singer, but she has no rhythm. It’s quite fascinating to watch. She should sing ballads where she does not need to worry about moving because she can’t.
James Durbin sings a song with Judas Priest and I could not tell you what he sang for a million bucks because I was so distracted by his outfit. He looked like one of the village people, or perhaps the topper on a gay biker’s wedding cake. He looked silly, but I’m sure sounded great.
The piece on Randy Jackson was stupid because he is stupid. Maybe all the people who prayed for Scotty to win can now pray for Randy to not come back next season. He is the most annoying man on television. They can find someone much better to fill his spot.
Jacob Lusk sang a gospel song with Gladys Knight that was great, and it made me smile. I was dancing along, and got caught up in it. It made me want to go to a Baptist church for a revival. I loved it and think Jacob will be a huge gospel star. Gladys was perfection, as she always is.
Casey Abrams sang with Jack Black and they were awesome. I love Casey and will buy whatever record he puts out. Jack Black is adorable and everything he does makes me happy. He is a rock star and he fit in perfectly. I loved it when they ended head to head and smiled.
The girls did a Beyonce melody that made me want to cut my own eyes out. Did not get it, and thought it was horrible. Then Beyonce joined them and I must tell you, I’m kind of over her. She has not changed her moves or her songs in 10 years. She is gorgeous, but predictable.
The piece on Steven Tyler was awesome because he is awesome. He is entertaining and sexy. I think he was a great addition to the show this year and even though he was a little lovey dovey, I thought he was fabulous and I hope he comes back next season because he rocks.
Haley sang with Tony Bennett. It was a perfect song selection for her and she looked and sounded beautiful. Tony Bennet is almost 80 and he was remarkable. Loved, loved, loved this one. I think a jazz/pop type album from Haley would be great and I will buy it for sure.
The piece on Jennifer Lopez was cute because she is cute. There is something completely relatable about her, like you could be her girlfriend. She is almost as good as Paula and I like her. She did not have any chemistry with the other judges but I totally hope she comes back.
TLC and Lil Jon sang a medley and it was awesome. They looked and sounded great. Adding the girls into the mix was lame. Group numbers sucked even if they were partnered with successful people. The duets were awesome but the group numbers just lost my interest.
Tim McGraw and Scotty McCreery were perfection. If you did not know who Tim was, you would be hard pressed to tell who was the seasoned professional and who was the new kid. Scotty looks like a country star already. I loved this song and this performance.
Mark Anthony is a great singer. I don’t speak or understand Spanish but I loved what he sang and thought he sounded beautiful. Then Jennifer joined him as a back up dancer and I didn’t get it. She looked great but whatever. I guess lip-syncing was not allowed so she danced instead.
The piece with the contestants talking about the most shocking elimination was hilarious. The men’s group number was horrible until they broke into Tom Jones. I love me some Tom Jones and when he joined then on It’s Not Unusual, it was television perfection.
Giving the cars to Scotty and Lauren’s teachers was sweet. Scotty’s teacher was smoking hot, no wonder he picked her to get the car. Scotty and Lauren each get to pick a car of their choice and you know Scotty is going to be driving around in a big Ford truck. Super cute.
Lady Gaga was up next. She sounds great, looks ridiculous, and is fabulous. Carrie Underwood sang a song with Lauren and looked gorgeous. Lauren is a great singer but put her next to Carrie and she pales in comparison. Carrie Underwood is a very talented girl.
Beyonce is back to sing again and this time she is better. I’m over the dancing and liked her doing the ballad better although I thought the song selection was inappropriate for an audience of young kids. I’m officially over Beyonce. Screaming make love for 5 minutes was too much.
Spiderman took a break from Broadway to perform a song with Bono and The Edge. The song was great, Spiderman looked cool, and nobody got hurt. Things could be looking up for Spidey. The kid from the Broadway show who sang was brilliant and I loved his voice. Super cute too.
Steven Tyler sang next and he is magic. Put him at a piano and his sexy level goes through the roof. He sounded fantastic and I fell in love with him all over again. His voice is killer even now and I am getting in line to be a groupie. This guy is brilliant and I love him. Rock on Steven.
It was an okay show with great moments, but not a great show. I loved in his speech when Scotty said he went through everything with Lauren and they would stay together. I love him. I want them to get married, have babies, and be country superstars, and keep it real.
May 25, 2011 | 12:59 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
Hines Ward is the winner of this season’s Dancing With the Stars. He was really great on the show and while I wanted Kirstie Alley to win, I’m happy for Hines. He is a lovely man, I totally have a crush on his mom, and he worked hard. Who knew football players would dominate the ballroom?
I love Kirstie Alley and think she was brilliant. I believe the experience was the most life altering for her and I hope her new self soars from this moment forward. I think she was the most improved, most entertaining, and most deserving, but as long as Chelsea whoever didn’t win I was cool.
Lauren Alaina should win American Idol tomorrow. She was very good in the finale and even though she blew out a vocal cord, she belted it out. It’s hard to imagine what she could have done without the injury because she was near perfect if you ask me. Based on singing alone, she should be the winner.
Scotty McCreery is a professional at 17. He performs as if it’s his own concert and everyone paid for a ticket. He was not great for me at the finale, he was just Scotty, which is really good. He is going to be a huge success in the country music world and I predict his career will be very long.
Sidebar: If Randy Jackson is invited back to American Idol next season I will probably not watch. I find him, his voice, his comments, and his clothes, painful to endure. She never should have been on this show and certainly never should have lasted this long. Time to dump Mr. Jackson.
It would appear The Black Eyed Peas will perform at the opening of a bag of chips. They have no shame and are everywhere, singing songs that all sound the same, and wearing outfits that makes no sense. By make no sense of course I mean they are hideous. This group blows.
I don’t understand why they are invited to perform on every show on television and even more confusing, is why they say yes. They are media whores and are selling a brand that is not that great. I remember when they were great which makes their fall such a shame.
I love reality TV but Dancing With the Stars and American Idol ending is nothing to worry about. There is plenty of reality television to watch over the summer. Some really good stuff is coming up, along with the required train wrecks, so I will watch, write, and keep it real.
May 24, 2011 | 1:26 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
The sappy music, the scripted speeches, the drunks, the unrealistic vacations, the fantasy life, the gorgeous men, and the lame bachelorette. It’s all back and so are we. We are watching because we are addicted, knowing we will get sucked in and then screwed over by Mike Fleiss and ABC.
I go into this show every year with a romantic heart, and hope that it can work like it did back in season one when Trista and Ryan found love. That was then and this is now. I am watching it with a cynical eye and a sense of humor, knowing my blog will be more bashing than swooning.
I will falter along the way and have moments when I lose my grasp on reality and think love is going to be found, but I will quickly snap out of it because this show is a crock. It’s a bunch of fame whores looking for anything but love. Five minutes in and Chris Harrison is giving me a headache.
Ashley is back as the Bachelorette. She is a tiny little thing and seems like a teenager not a woman. She’s a good talker but is more scripted than natural. She says she was not planning to be the bachelorette but come on. Everyone who goes on this show hopes to be the next chosen one.
Chris is talking to Ashley and he is annoying. I used to think he was charming but now he is lame. He offers nothing to this show, which makes sense since this show offers us nothing. I’m not bitter, or jealous, pissed off that this once great show has been turned into a fame whore fest.
Ashley tells us she was given the heads up that one of the guys, Bentley, was there to promote his business, not find love. We’ve met him already and he is clearly there because he was hoping Emily would be the bachelorette. I was hoping the same thing but we’re stuck with Ashley.
The men are getting out of the car and Ashley’s laugh is childish and painful. I want to hit her. It’s forced and fake just like Jennifer Lopez. She is giving me an eye twitch. She is animated and fake and damn it, I find myself liking her. I am very disappointed in myself. I like her. Crap.
One of the guys calls his mom so she can say hi and the first thing the mom says is “Hi Ashley”. Really? How did she know the bachelorette was Ashley when none of the guys knew it would be her? Because we are watching fake and scripted television and the people who make this show think we’re dumb.
Poor yourselves a glass of wine and make sure you’ve got a bottle ready every Monday night. I have a feeling we will need to be a little sloshed to get through the season. This show has run its course and should be retired. The innocence of the idea is gone and it’s now just stupid.
It had a good run, we were entertained, but it’s now a VH1 skank show, not something worthy of an ABC timeslot. We have 25 men tonight and some will be sent home with no rose, and no shot at fake love with a reality television whore. Poor babies. Poor a glass people, here we go:
RYAN P: Gets the first impression rose, looking for love, very cheesy but cute – HE’S IN
JON: Lifts her and carries her away, starts crying, he loved her man – HE’S OUT
LUCAS: Ahugger from Texas, that’s all I remember about him – HE’S IN
WILLIAM: Phone Sales, dad died an alcoholic, he’s immature and totally fun and cute – HE’S IN
MICKEY: Chef, goes in for a kiss and gets rejected but tells everyone he kissed her – HE’S IN
TIM: liquor distributor, he gets wasted, sent home before the rose ceremony – HE’S OUT
BEN C.: Lawyer from New Orleans, very passionate, he might be a woman – HE’S IN
STEPHEN: hairdresser, invisible in the first episode – HE’S IN
CHRIS D: does a rap as an introduction, lame – HE’S IN
WEST: Lawyer, gives her a compass stuck on “west”, his wife died – HE’S IN
ANTHONY: gold chains, fun to watch, should be on Jersey Shore – HE’S OUT
ROB: Watched her season, crushed to be cut, feels lost – HE’S OUT
AMES: Yale/Columbia/Harvard overachieving genius, Harry Connick Jr. vibe – HE’S IN
MATT: teaches her a handshake that tanks, calls his mom so she can say hi – HE’S IN
JEFF: Wears a mask so his looks are not in the equation. Creepy loser – HE’S IN
BEN F: Winemaker, he looks like Zach Braff, been broken since his dad died – HE’S IN
FRANK: I remember nothing about this guy – HE’S OUT
MICHAEL: Says he’s excited to see a dentist, cute opening – HE’S OUT
CHRIS M.: Canadian. Embarrassing to my country. HE’S OUT
RYAN M.: Brings a camera to takes pics, cute idea but tries to be funny and he’s not – HE’S IN
JP: Construction and Real Estate guy from NYC, has a gay vibe – HE’S IN
NICK: trainer, recites a poem, thinks he’s Matthew McConaughey – HE’S IN
BLAKE: Dentist, nothing memorable about him but his teeth – HE’S IN
BENTLEY: Divorced Dad, Super Cocky, Full of crap, the Wes of this season – HE’S IN
CONSTANTINE: ties dental floss on her finger, looks like Josh Groben – HE’S IN
And so the latest addition of The Bachelorette begins. When this show started I was newly single and clung onto the hope that love could be found. Ten years later I watch with a sense of humor, knowing that I only watch because I get paid to. I’m older and wiser and not buying it.
The only thing lamer than this show is the people who make it. They take it so seriously and think we do, but we don’t. It’s a scripted reality show, not real life. We watch with hope and no expectations, just as we lead our lives, the difference is we are decent and they are not.
They are getting rich by selling us their drug, and since we are hopeful romantics, we buy their crack. I will believe love will be found by the end, only to have it crushed. Can I watch every week without gauging my eye outs? Not sure, but I wish Ashley well and hope she keeps it real.
May 23, 2011 | 9:44 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
It’s week two for the ladies of New Jersey. Calling them ladies is hilarious because after only an hour it would be hard to convince anyone we were talking about ladies. This is a fun group to watch but I’m not sure if it’s because they are great, or because Orange County and New York City are boring, stupid, and a waste of time.
It’s fall and Caroline. Jacqueline and Teresa are all together with their families carving pumpkins. Teresa’s kids are gorgeous and her husband is a monkey. Speaking of monkeys, there is some chick there named Dolores who looks like a monkey with a bad tan. These chicks would be so much better looking with less tan and less make up.
They are talking about what happened at the christening and Teresa is lying like a carpet. She says it was her success that caused her problems with her brother but last week she said it was Melissa. Pick a story and just stick to it Tree. She is unwilling to accept any responsibility for the blow up at the christening, which is lame because we saw it.
She is recounting the story as if she was not there. Important to note that when asked where her kids were, Teresa’s response is that she had no idea. We’ll come back to this later. Carolne is trying to tell Teresa that she needs to fix it and Teresa is not getting it. It’s like talking to a spoiled brat. Her kids are going to be screw-ups if this is their role model.
Melissa and Joe are invited for dinner by Kathy and Rich. I loved Kathy last week but this week, not so much. She’s a little bit of a troublemaker. Melissa is telling the story of what happened at the christening and I like her. She is honest, telling the story as we saw it, not the way Teresa wants us to think it went. Kathy may be more dangerous than kind.
Melissa and Kathy are at Posche. Melissa is there to look at the bombshell stuff, while Kathy is there for the mommy clothes. Hilarious. Just when it’s getting entertaining, Kim G. comes in and I want to hurl. This crazy old chick makes me sick and it’s gross they are giving her screen time. She is a skank and I think she should be banned from the show.
Melissa says that Kim G. and Teresa hate each other, but Kathy is acting like she’s surprised everyone knows their business. The women of New Jersey are the stupid ones Bravo, not us. You put her in to stir the pot and Kathy trying to “act” her way through your script is pathetic. You are writing your reality television and should just own it.
It’s Halloween night and Melissa and Joe are going out to party, while Teresa and her Joe are having a party for the kids at home. Joe the brother is dressed like Snooki and it’s hilarious. Teresa’s kids look awesome and he is talking about how she wished her brother would come over. Is she high? Teresa has lost all touch with reality.
Over at Melissa’s she has invited the Kim’s to come out partying with them. Really? Such a crock of crap. The scripting is insane and it pisses me off that Bravo thinks the audience is so stupid. Sidebar: Did anyone else think it was weird that when Melissa and Joe went to get ready they left their baby on the floor by the front door?
Teresa is over at Jacqueline’s so they can go to the fashion show together. Jacqueline is always eating and watching her eat is disgusting. She sucks the food off the fingers and tilts her head back. Maybe she thinks it’s sexy, but it’s gross. Teresa tells her she is not confrontational. Really? I think Teresa may be high. High or learning impaired.
We are now at the fashion show. Melissa and Kathy are getting ready when Teresa and Jacqueline arrive. Teresa approaches them and gives them a kiss like nothing has happened. Is she kidding? She screwed up her nephew’s christening but walks in like there is nothing going on? Caroline says hello to everyone, as she should. I still love her.
Teresa is screaming across the room for Caroline to come over. Teresa tells the camera that Caroline is her friend and Melissa is kissing ass but Caroline went to Melissa you crazy bitch. Yesterday I thought that Alexis from Orange County was the dumbest housewife on television but I think it might actually be Teresa. She is seriously stupid.
Kim G. arrives at the fashion show and Teresa is about to explode because Kim is with Melissa. Caroline is trying to keep everyone calm at The Brownstone but Teresa is on the edge. Jacqueline walks and we see that Caroline is sitting next to Kathy, but just seconds before they were at other ends of the room. The scripting is beyond lame.
Melissa walks in the most hideous dress. Not only was it insanely ugly but it did not fit. She looked ridiculous. Teresa is walking and looks like she might start crying any second. She looks sad and Caroline notices it. It’s not sadness Caroline, it’s hate and jealousy. That is what fuels the fire in Teresa. She is full of hate and jealousy.
Kathy pulls aside Teresa to talk to her and Teresa immediately goes on the defensive, denying everything, forgetting that we all saw it. Teresa tells Kathy she bailed, and Kathy tells she left with Teresa’s baby, and that sets Tree off. Back to the note from earlier, Teresa said she had no idea where her kids ere. Surprise loser, they were with Kathy.
Caroline scolds everyone for fighting in public. Love her. Everyone leaves pissy and Teresa is livid that Kathy would be so classless and comment on her abilities as a mother. Important to note that you can love your kids more than life but that does not guarantee that you are a good parent. Teresa is failing at life and that hurts her kids. Grow up.
On Watch What Happens Live Andy welcomes Teresa and Jacqueline. We are less than a minute in when Jacqueline blows the entire season by telling us the two Joe’s are together in the end. Loser. Teresa also arrived later than Jacqueline because she was stuck in traffic. Really? Why would they not go together? Something stinks in the clubhouse Andy.
I think Teresa was there the whole time and faked being late so we would thinks he did not sit there and watch the show. I hate it when Bravo assumes we are stupid. Teresa is calling Kim G. immature but when anyone wants to talk to Teresa she holds her breath and stamps her feet saying nothing is her fault. Who’s the immature one?
Teresa is delusional. She says she did not remember what her brother called her, yet refers to “garbage” as “that” word. Such lies. In one season Teresa went from being the cute one with the loving husband and gorgeous kids, to the pathetic liar with the drunk husband and no money. Life in Jersey clearly does not require you to keep it real.
May 22, 2011 | 11:19 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
We are back in Orange County with the housewhores and thank God that after tonight there is only one show left. Next week will be the season finale and I would hope that Bravo either dumps this city already or casts it with some ladies who don’t make me want to impale myself with the remote control every time I turn the show on. Let’s pray.
We start the show watching Vicki and Donn and it’s horrible. It’s painful and uncomfortable to watch and I wonder if it’s worth it to have the crumbling of your marriage put out in the open for the world to see and judge. There is no amount of money or fame that would be worth it for me to air my dirty laundry in such a public way. Fame whores.
Gretchen and Slade are back from her trying to sell her ugly handbags. Slade is repulsive and Gretchen’s laugh and voice in general make me want to vomit. I think she is a skanky, stupid, slut who sleeps with men for money and now that Slade has none, is ready to dump him. For such a pretty girl, her inner ugliness trumps it all and she is a hag.
Peggy and Micah to Vegas for Micah’s birthday with Eddie and Tamra and a couple we have not met before and have no interest in. The ladies are dressed like hookers, the men are making lames jokes, the hair color of these women looks like straw, and Peggy’s hair appears to never be washed. Cut your hair, get a longer dress, and grow up.
Back at retched Gretchen’s place, she is telling Slade that she does not know if she can move on with her life with his current financial situation, and his child support is getting in the way of her dreams. She is passive aggressive, serious, not at all emotional, and essentially dumping him with a cold and judgmental tone of voice and cold stare.
Cut to her talking to the camera and all of a sudden she is crying and upset, babbling about how much she loves him and how hard it is. I call bull^%$&. She is faking it for the camera. She is keeping Slade around because he is her schlepper. He is gross, she knows it, and she is transitioning him out. Poor Slade. He’s knows it and says nothing.
Back in Vegas Peggy gives Micha a book of porn, featuring her, for his birthday. Her kids will be so proud when they grow up. Over at Vicki’s, she is home, Don is not, they talk on the phone without hiding any of the venom that each is spewing, and we are watching the collapse of a marriage at the same time we are watching the marriage of a whore.
Alexis is planning her dress unveiling and it becomes very clear, very quickly, that she is dumb as dirt. Seriously, this chick is a moron. She is so pretty, and her body is banging, but if having that body meant you had to be that dumb, I would pass. This chick is so dumb that she is clearly unaware that we are all laughing at her week after week.
Vicki and Tamra are going out for a liquid lunch and Vicki tells her that her marriage is ending. Vicki is crying about her marriage and saying her and Donn have not had sex in two years, but she will stay in the marriage because she is not miserable. News flash Vicki, you are miserable. Miserable in your marriage and also a miserable human being.
She is saying that she prayed to God to fix her relationship and he didn’t. Really? God has nothing to do with it idiot. It was you. You ignored your husband, put your work first, and your marriage suffered. News flash, if you want to talk about your marriage, and trying to fix it, Tamra should probably not be your go to girl. Just saying.
Alexis is having her whore fashion show. The dresses are the length of a shirt, and seriously look like hooker clothes. Alexis puts out comment cards and pens on the tables and tells everyone to make notes, but the pens don’t work and when she is told, she blows it off. Sidebar: Gretchen’s hair looks like Ellie Mae and she is being a complete bitch.
Vicki does not show because she is in the hospital having emergency surgery but Gretchen is convinced she is faking it. Cow. Tamra is getting texts from Vicki and crying about how concerned she is, but does not get in the car and go to the hospital. This show is really horrible and that these women are on television makes no sense.
I cannot wait for next week. Not because I am excited to see what happens, but because I am excited for it to be over. This show used to be fun and is not revolting. It’s a bunch of slutty housewives who are allowing us to watch their sad lives and in the interest of their children, the ladies of the OC need to get the axe, and start keeping it real.