Dear Mr. Brennan, Mr. Falchuk and Mr. Murphy (or anyone who knows them or is related to someone who knows them who can introduce me to them),
I was going to write about auditioning for Glee before I even heard about the open call for auditions for next season. So you can imagine how excited I was to hear that you will actually be holding auditions. I have a great idea that I wanted to run by you (not that your ideas are not great, please don’t get me wrong). Here is my idea: How about hiring me for a role on Glee, or at least an audition? (You didn’t see that one coming, did you?)
Ok, I know what you are thinking: why me? Well, let me tell you. (First, let me think about it for a bit.) I guess being a fan of the show doesn’t cut it. (I even drudged up an old headshot of mine for your review - doesn’t everyone who lives in L.A. have one on file? It’s not thaaaaat old, by the way.) So, here are the top ten reasons I came up with why I should be on Glee.
1) I met many members of the cast on a few occasions and we got along. (That’s a plus, right?)
2) I have a background in musical theater - off-Broadway, of course…way off, in fact. Let’s just say more to the west…way west - California. Which is where I performed in high school. (My high school drama teacher is a Facebook friend, so she can confirm the fact. I am sure she remembers me…vaguely. High school was a while ago…but not too long ago.)
3) I can sing. (Ask my three-year-old son.) You should hear me in the car.
4) I have been told that I look like I could be Lea Michele’s younger sister, even though I am older (hint-new character). This is probably because I am a member of the tribe. We all look alike, don’t we?
5) I studied music and sang throughout college as well (but got my degree in psychology. Maybe I shouldn’t mention that last part…so, scratch that.)
6) Please change the open call age limit from 26 years old and add just a few years. I know you probably hear it all the time, but I don’t look my age…or better yet, even act my age. (Just a side note - Stockard Channing was 32 when she played Rizzo in Grease.)
7) I have a sense of humor, or don’t (depending on what you are looking for.)
8) I work well with children and animals…and adults and producers and actors and directors and…you get the point.
9) I don’t require special perks on my rider.
10) And if I am a little off-key, there is always Auto-Tune.
And I know the drill, “Don’t call us, we’ll call you.” So I won’t be calling you (because that would just be stalking at this point), but I will wait for your call or email or text message or IM or Facebook request or Twitter direct message…
By the way, I even have my audition mashup ready to go: Bette Midler’s “The Rose” and Depeche Mode’s “Blasphemous Rumors.”
Jew Mama, a.k.a. Mihal Levy