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August 1, 2008 | 12:20 pm
Me a name I call myself
Posted by Mrs. Shoshana F
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I came across a recent article on Ynet in which Chief Ashkenazi Rabbi Yona Metzger said that a woman who does not take her husband’s last name is keeping the home from being united:
Advice to women from the chief rabbi: Married women should give up their maiden name, Chief Ashkenazi Rabbi Yona Metzger told hundreds of women at a convention Monday dedicated to Jewish family values and religiosity.
“We are currently in an era of permissiveness and there are many messages that create cracks in the Jewish home’s whole structure,” the rabbi told the women in attendenceTurning his attention to the question of last names, Rabbi Metzger said that even though this was not a Jewish law issue, but rather, a move that took root in the past 200 years, a woman should stick to the husband’s last name and renounce her maiden name.
“The agenda whereby a woman wants to bring the independent entity of her last name to the home should be reconsidered,” the rabbi said. “If this came out of unity it’s one thing…but If there is a message that the woman is an independent entity and the husband is an independent entity, this does not unite the home into a whole home.”
At the end of his talk, Rabbi Metzger recommended that women “reconsider the phenomenon.”
Since I was not at the conference, I did not have a chance to voice a response. But, on the off chance that Rabbi Metzger or someone in his office goes online, please take note:
Dear Rabbi Metzger,
Until you actually become a married woman, I would say that speaking out as to whether or not a married woman should change her last name is arrogant, ignorant and, dare I say, insulting.
Why not say that the husband should also take his wife’s name? Isn’t that just as unifying?
I, too, am a married Ashkenazi Jew, and since I have never met you, I can only guess that your false logic stems from one family you met where the difference in last names became an issue. I want you to know that this is not the case in all families. Not every couple where the wife keeps her maiden name is falling apart at the seams. Just like not every couple where the wife takes her husband’s name is perfect.
If there are cracks in the Jewish home, I think the couple has more important things to worry about than the wife’s last name. And if that is the dividing line between them, maybe the issue should have come up before they married.
A wife keeping her own name is not the end of Judaism or civilization. It just means that women — who chose to marry and keep their maiden names —no longer have to feel like they need to erase who they were because they add Mrs. before their first name.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Shoshana F (who is legally keeping her last name – and her husband is fine with it)
10 Comments — Leave your comment
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Dear Mrs. Shoshana,
What a rude response. You need to re-read what Rabbi Metzger wrote and you’ll see you missed his point altogether. For whatever reason you became defensive.
You need to check your own logic and maybe consider why you had such a defensive response to a caring article.
I don’t believe my post was defensive. Rather it brought to light how many young women these days approach the subject of name changes. Before you were Mrs. Klien, you were something else. Aren’t you proud of that name, too? Isn’t it a shame that you no longer are associated with that name? Do you feel “divided” from your parents and siblings by taking a name different from theirs?
Dear MRS. only exists because of her husband’s last name Klein…the one who is being rude is the Rabbi. Oh, and you. Neither one of you have the right to dictate someone else’s choice in this matter.
Well in my opinion every one has a choice on which family name are they going to use, as long as it won’t affect the couples relationship, but if it does, maybe they should talk about it before they get marry because it’s not good to divorce only with that reason.
When I read your title i was like “Fa, a long long way to run”. Anyway, I really think picking a good name for your child is important. It builds their character.
Fa, a long long way to run… Sorry I couldn’t resist. Anyway, I think picking your child’s name is very important. Make sure you pick one that spares your child from future mockery.
I agree. I suggest you buy a book regarding baby names, just do your kid a favor and steer away from names that tend to get them beat up. Dreams Punta Cana
That’s true. I happen to think that names are very important. They build character.
Yes, it seems like the Rabbi is not looking at both sides of the issue. Even still, unity comes from a proper romantic connection between two people…not because they have the same last name.
Mrs. Shoshana, I too beg to differ with you and I think your priorities are misplaced a little bit. It was quite unfair hit back so coldly at the Rabbi without first giving an ear to what he had to say and maybe if you were present at the conference you would have better understanding to his logic!