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August 6, 2008 | 4:38 pm
A throwback you can throw back
Posted by Mrs. Shoshana F
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When the TV show Designing Women was at its heyday, there was an episode called “Working Mother” (October 1, 1990) where new stay-at-home mom Charlene and 9-to-5 mom Mary Jo get into a fight that starts when Mary Jo comments that it must be nice to watch soap operas all day. The two make up with the following conversation:
Charlene (referring to a neighbor who commented on Charlene’s new position): I said I work – I work in the home. Something that …I have chosen carefully and thoughtfully and deserves respect.
Mary Jo: It’s so hard these days – whatever choice a mother makes you feel guilty. Like the world is judging you whether they are or not. What we have to do, the stay-at-home moms and the 9-to-5 moms, is to keep from turning on each other.
Charlene: I have a confession: I was watching that soap.
At the end, they bring over a computer connected to one at Sugarbakers so Charlene, the accountant, can work from home since her replacement was an utter dunderhead.
But these two groups of women are nothing compared to this recent article about stay-at-home wives.
We’re talking Samantha Stevens. We’re talking Gabrielle Solis. We’re talking Lucy Ricardo—pre Tabitha, the twins and Little Ricky.
“What do you do all day?” is a question Anne Marie Davis, 34, says she gets a lot.
Davis, who lives in Lewisville, Texas, isn’t a mother, nor does she telecommute. She is a stay-at-home wife, which makes her something of a pioneer in the post-feminist world.
Dr. Scott Haltzman, author of “The Secrets of Happily Married Women,” says stay-at-home wives constitute a growing niche. “In the past few years, many women who are well educated and trained for career tracks have decided instead to stay at home,” he says. While his research is ongoing, he estimates that more than 10 percent of the 650 women he’s interviewed who choose to stay home are childless.
Daniel Buccino, a Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine clinical social worker and psychotherapist, says stay-at-home wives are the latest “status symbols.”
“It says, ‘We make enough money that we both don’t need to work outside the home,’” he says. “And especially with the recent economic pressures, a stay-at-home spouse is often an extreme and visible luxury.”
Davis says her life isn’t luxurious. “Tuesdays are my laundry day,” she says. “I go grocery shopping on Wednesdays and clean house on Thursdays.” Mondays and Fridays are reserved for appointments and other errands.
But her schedule also allows for charity work and leisure: reading, creative writing and exploring new hobbies, like sewing.
It’s a lifestyle, Davis says, that has made her happier and brought her closer to her husband. “We’re no longer stressed out,” she says; because she takes care of the home, there are virtually no “honey-do” lists to hand over.
We’re not talking about women with children. We are not talking about women who are older and their husbands are ill and need care. We are talking about women in their 20s, 30s and 40s who have to care only for themselves and their husbands.
Such a lifestyle is promoted highly on Web sites like ladiesagainstfeminism.com and www.retro-housewife.com.
A whole day to grocery shop? Does she just float from line to line – or from store to store?
Let’s see. I commute to and from a full-time job five days a week, I’m on a neighborhood board and sisterhood board and I freelance. And with all that, I am able to not only spend quality time with my husband, but go grocery shopping, do laundry, keep things clean and do errands – plus have plenty of time for fun and relaxation.
It might make life less stressful for the wife, but I know that if I stayed home all day while my husband was in the rat race, it would cause more fights, not less.
I worked too hard to get where I am – and I’m still paying off a student loan. Should my husband be asked to pay it back for me? Does Mrs. Davis get an allowance?
Sorry stay-at-home wives … I think your days went out the door with black and white television, vacuuming in pearls and finishing schools.
8 Comments — Leave your comment
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As a young woman, growing up in a time where to be a feminist is to be something resented and mocked, I find it greatly discouraging to hear woman are opting to regress back to a mentality that is so limiting. Of course, if there is any solace to be taken, it’s that the woman is choosing to stay home; she doesn’t do it because it’s a societal norm. Still, I would hope this new trend isn’t the start of a movement back to the ‘50’s. I don’t want to have start burning bras—those things are expensive!
I am a stay at home wife. I got a degree in education and taught 5th grade for a year. Now I am my husband’s helpmeet. Yes, his Helpmeet. I am Christian, so I probably have different views as you, but the Bible says that woman was created to be man’s helpmeet. We were made from him. We have an awesome marriage now that I’m not stressed out, our home isn’t wrecked and we’re not fighting all the time.
The decline of society is BECAUSE the people who are supposed to be taking care of the home are not. Kids who have no mom to come home to are the ones that go out and find drugs, or gangs, or promiscuity. Think about it….think of the 50’s and 60’s when wives staying home was the norm. How does the crime/drug/promiscuity rate compare to today’s. It all started because of the feminist movement. They sold us a raw deal. We have become a greedy and materialistic society that puts value on monetary gains, positions in the job and material things. In order to live a lifestyle like that , two people have to work. Your family suffers. I want my future children to come home to a welcoming happy home with fresh baked cookies on the table, not be in daycare or be a latch key kid. My goodness, I feel so sorry for those children that only see their parents 4 hours a day (8 at school, 3 hours in afterschool programs) It’s just so sad.
What I would give for us to be able to go back to that time. And I’ll tell you something else…I adore my pearls and apron. They are my uniform and I’m damn proud to wear them.
Think of the 50’s and 60’s when wives staying home was the norm. How does the crime/drug/promiscuity rate compare to today’s. It all started because of the feminist movement. They sold us a raw deal. We have become a greedy and materialistic society that puts value on monetary gains, positions in the job and material things. I am agree with Jennifer this words and she is correct. Thanks blog editor to share an important article.
I totally disagree! The crime, drug, etc. rate has nothing to do with the feminist movement. Sociery has always been like that, you just did not notice it or were busy to do so.
Mom or no, a household is a difficult thing to manage.
Really I agree with your article For the replacement work you may do it in from home it seems.I would recommending your way of idea..
I would say that there is always something you can throw back, as always.
I googled “stay at home wife” and found your article. I’m about to quit my awful job so I can stay at home. My son is in college and I will be going back to school. I can’t wait to stay home and cook and clean and take care of my house. It will mean we will have to spend a lot less, but not being in the corporate world is more than worth it. The only people I have ever had problems with at work are WOMEN. They are mean spirited and back stabbing. I am always nice, kind, considerate and not a social climber or a career woman. You will all wear yourselves out trying to keep up with the Joneses and being proud of what mean, nasty, witches you have to be to get ahead. Im sooooo happy to leave women like you behind!