July 2, 2010 | 11:55 am

Top ten Jewish things about The Twilight Saga’s ‘Eclipse’

Posted by Danielle Berrin

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It has been argued before that the concept of the undead is decidedly un-Jewish, but when it comes to “The Twilight Saga” we disagree. Here are the top ten reasons why we think “Eclipse” is the most Jewish movie since “Exodus.” 

1. Vampires practice their own version of “tzniut”- those ancient Jewish modesty laws governing dress. You won’t catch Edward Cullen sunbathing at the beach—his sparkly vampire skin would be a dead giveaway.

2. Nikki Reed, the blonde bombshell that plays Rosalie is a member of the tribe; her father is a Jewish set designer and her mother a Cherokee-Italian.

3. Check out Rob Pattinson’s sexy sideburns - they’re practically payot.

4. While Edward is not quite “shomer negiah” (the law forbidding touch) he refuses his beloved Bella’s lustful advances and insists she marry him first.

5. The Cullens adhere to the Jewish concept of “Kedoshim Tihiyu,” literally, “You should be separate”—have you seen the way they sit at lunch?

6. The Cullen family patriarch Carlisle is a doctor

7. “Twilight Saga” screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg is a Jew

8. Twilight’s vamps are ‘kosher’: they refuse human blood in favor of a “vegetarian” diet…of animals. Their kashrut is almost as sensible as the ban on shellfish.

9. Eclipse has already grossed $92.7 million in ticket sales—a pre-weekend record—and Jews like a big box office.

10. Let’s face it: “Eclipse” is about a territorial dispute between two ancient tribes with claims to the same land. Sound familiar?

July 1, 2010 | 7:45 pm

Mel Gibson will probably not win another Oscar

Posted by Danielle Berrin

Poor Mel, the actor just can’t get his lines right.

Yesterday it was reported that he barked some pretty nasty things to Oksana Grigorieva, the mother of his child, that I won’t attempt to reproduce here. But suffice it to say, in one daring display, he managed to egregiously offend women, African Americans and decent people everywhere. He also wasn’t kind to pigs.

Gibson even managed to use both the N-word and the C-word in the crowning performance of his career, which critics are calling sexist, racist and misogynistic. Does his improvisation know no bounds?

You’d think the man would have learned to shutter his mouth after the 2006 DUI arrest/anti-Semitic tirade heard-round-the-world that effectively wrecked his career. But once again, Mel Gibson’s inner-monologue has become his outer-monologue, and once again, the Vatican II-rejecting Catholic has destroyed any hope for personal absolution. Or redemption. Or whatever it is you need when you actually manage to insult pork.

And just in case anyone was upset that Gibson got his anti-Semitism expunged from his police record, rest assured, baby mama Grigorieva caught the latest soliloquy on tape.

I think his punishment should be having to sit in a room with Jane Elliott.

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