Jewish Journal

Happy 64th Birthday Miss Israel

by LiAmi Lawrence

April 27, 2012 | 9:20 am

She may be getting old but at 64 she is still young.  She may have some wrinkles and some faults but she still is beautiful. Our little Israel is one year away from her social security check.  Get the Geritol, Viagra and Depends and let’s get this party started!  This small tiny miracle of a country has now over 7.881 million people (5.9 million Jews plus 300,000 people who lost their Jewish identity when immigrating to Israel   you see because only their father was Jewish.  Imagine immigrating from Russia where you were called “dirty Jew ” all your life and you move to Israel and you find out that your not really Jewish after all.  Huh?- But I digress)  Remember the days when we barely had a minyon?  Although, the land of Israel always had a continuous Jewish presence the country was founded in 1948 with only 650,000 Jews.  Well through all the yelling, screaming, wars and protests -we be having babies-alot-of them-  we have one of the highest birthrates in the Western world.  Israel is becoming one of the most densest population centers in the world.  We are paving over the entire Holy Land with cement.  Pretty soon the only green left in Israel will be the money changers standing on Rehov Rothschild.  It’s Jew on top of Jew.

Despite sitting in a bad neighborhood, ok a really bad neighborhood, think Martin Luther King Blvd bad- lol Israel is flourishing.  It has become a world leader in hi-tech, technology, science and culture. No longer does Israel need pity “oh that poor country, those poor people”.  Nor does Israel need the little pishke box of spare change that people used to donate “to help those poor Israelis” .  Damn,  I’m sorry to the Israeli Government but I just let the cat out of the bag.  I just can’t keep the secret anymore.  It’s okay we can save our pennies now for some other cause like disabled sea lions who are starving and need clean water.

Israel has also become a world leader in corrupt and horny politicians but we won’‘t go there.  Instead we will focus on the positive,  like um… oh ya parties.  Tel Aviv has become one of the biggest party cities in the world.  In Los Angeles, last call for alcohol is 1:30AM, in Tel Aviv that is when you first go out.  And ain’t no one parties like Israelis party, which is the reason for the population explosion in the first place.

Despite all the war, terrorism and all our differences between Arabs vs Jews, leftists vs rightists, religious vs seculars, rich vs poor we are thriving amidst the chaos.. Nobody thought in 1948 when we were declared a nation we would survive a year, let alone 64.  Israel is ours.  It’s not perfect, far from it, but it is up to us to fix it and make it that way.  So to Israel,  “Yom Huledet Samach”,  may you thrive forever,  but maybe its time for a some botox, maybe just a little to smoothe out the wrinkles.

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LiAmi is the former Director of Media for the Israeli Consulate and a public relations maven. A former actor & personal trainer to the rich and famous, he is known in the Los...

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