Posted by Emily Stern
Greatness is not what tells you to be more Great. Is there a simple resting place in this world? They say the point of it all is to create a world for Gd to dwell. There is no stillness here.
In The Sforno's commentary on The second sentance of the Torah, I just read, he speaks of "Gd HOVERING over the face of the waters" as the creation of Fire. That Indeed, The Hovering was so Active that it creates sparks out of breath Like Lovers.
There are those nowadays who use their bodies as if they were always free falling. I see them dancing and riding one another's waves, making sense of something so mysterious by stepping in,
and sometimes thoughts seem denser, or like steering wheels, and sometimes like seeds in waters of Evaporation.
10.29.13 at 6:26 pm | Your love could fly, could be grounded, as . . .
10.22.13 at 9:58 am | The repressed heart
10.17.13 at 6:46 am | Parsha Vayera
10.9.13 at 2:11 pm |
9.13.13 at 7:33 am |
8.26.13 at 10:11 am |
October 6, 2012 | 5:40 pm
Posted by Emily Stern
I had met this man who said to me, "I bet if it came down to it, everyone would be running after their own lot. They may think they want something else."
Yes this is for you. you are not alone. That we are created in the image. the image isn't our own. So there's nothing that can happen that itsn't part of some scheme. Ever the need for alone time- ever a theme. Invited in.
invite Gd in, and no one is written out of the Book of Life. No one in the world. And in the sukkah, this prayer is heard.
So when it's time for Purim which means lots, or Yom Ki-ppur (a day Like Purim) we go after our own lot. Pray for what we have, even our safety nets, prayers for the world . . . Jealousy is insignificant.
Invited in. We have invited Gd in, everyone is in the book of life. Every one in the world. In the sukkah, this prayer is heard.
October 2, 2012 | 10:35 pm
Posted by Emily Stern
They say the gates of Forgiveness have closed on Yom Kippur,
but walk through any gate you want-- the sukah has no doors.
AND I've learned that every sukkah inside is connected, each sukkah is
completely one throughout the world, so you see it really is growing.
Don't get too attached to the gate you're standing in
ARE you using this moment to cover yourself
or to really reveal? Turn the world inside out, and we're splitting at the seams. Turn the sukkah inside out, and the world is built of peace.
September 28, 2012 | 12:19 pm
Posted by Emily Stern
The moment that we made it here
to the sukkah of his I don't need to feel anything
I don't want to do anything except build
I do in peace.
I don't need this to be a sexual metaphore, or one of comfort. You don't need to have a face
for me to love you. It doesn't need to even be covered by being
Yours and others'. I don't need to see you with
I just need You. I need You. I do.
It's so nice of you to show us how much you love
surrounding you and everything.
This wing, this embrace, this skylight above the holy arc,
this well, this chuppah open to the sky,
we can think of it as protection, as our fragility,
a truest home to come down to,
as a place for joy.
The way we connect shaking the lulav through the air
and make a straight line that we can remember
We can see you in every way,
jumping in the worlds
and how you rest inside with your whole heart-- (etrog)
We have to cuddle, and keep our distance
to come together
and still, seeing you in the face
looking at me, I can hardly believe it.
and when we close the togetherness
there is always more, come and build your sukkah here
walk trough any gate you want.
cleanse yourself again and again,
I need you. I need you. I do.
September 25, 2012 | 8:58 am
Posted by Emily Stern
September 13, 2012 | 2:14 pm
Posted by Emily Stern
I am planning a birthday party for all of us-- the one big person that we are. I am buying balloons and a banner and a birthday cake (maybe a honey one) and we are having a picnic in my apartment. I will not hang a sign saying, "the party's here" because the party's everywhere, our tremendous party. This is what the party will be.
Every moment of Rosh Hashana, a Breslover told me once, is a microcosm, a very concentrated, consecrated microcosm of the year. Some say this about the whole month of Elul leading up to the holiday. The whole of life, the pores that infiltrate the endless moments, These momentary moments like spokespeople for the central point of each molecular structure. When your body changes shape in the night . . .
A great friend said once that if we all make up Adam, the first man, the head of the human race, a large large person that we all comprise, she said that if we all make up adam, that she is the part of the hand that took the fruits from Eve. I love her. She will eat honey cake and laugh at my party at the stories being told and the blessings being given. We will eat LETTUCE and I will bless us, "Let us . . . " and when we are eating strawberries I will say, "may all your coarseness (straw) turn to berries."
I feel the waves of changing lasting in my head a little longer than usual, and I raise myself to this level remembering all those whirling Breslov men-- dancing, b'simcha because today is the day, if ever there are to be days again because the days have blessed them. and this same friend will laugh at the list of "funny things children say" that I printed off the internet. I wonder what else will happen as we propel ourselves into these next moments, these next memories, These collisions of NOW and nows and Then and experiences.
and we reach the birthday that is the individual's that maybe you share with one other person you know, the once in a year birthday for you that you come into after we have tasted the wholeness of heaven on rosh hashana, when we are one. I would hope to have a birthday. When is your birthday?
and this day . . . this day . . .This this rosh Hashaa, we will stand over the stars. Shooting stars, the light like lightning, the ones who teach, the one who twinkle and remind us who we are. "The funny things grandchildren say." Are you laughing today, Avraham, Sarah? Rivka? Rachel? Leah? are you laughing at the way we twinkle and
light the candles and blow the bugles
and joke around in the seriousness
as the King's whatever we ares.
Having built a temple we can't yet see.
Have you noticed your torah, the way you see it, is getting sweeter? It's because Moshiach is in our heads, living, but not in the imaginative way.
In the way we crown the kind king
like how some sages said the soul rests in the head.
yes, that close.
Sweet New Year, Happy Birthday, Mazal Tov, Shalom
July 10, 2012 | 9:12 pm
Posted by Emily Stern
The mother and the baby are coming through
asking for some money.
He said, “I sleep in the subway.”
It feels good to give. Don’t you feel it bubbling up?
I feel it bursting through.
I took him out to pizza and he started to sell umbrellas.
“Sorry” he says, “if it’s embarrassing.”
Yes, it was when I’m the one to bring you here, but I loved him, “You got to try” I said.
“MY DEAR FRIEND, we will be begging to give each other gifts,” I say, “someday very soon—you’ll see.”
The sign, ‘I’m hungry’
before it can open my heart, it is delivered.
“They don’t even see me” he said.
“It’s a gift that I can see you this way so I can give. Oh, I sense it,” I said, “that very soon, I will be the beggar—begging to give to the blind.”
We walked like good friends on top of the world.
we sing the rhythms of the city together.
He said, “sleep one night in the subway. Just one night. Just see.”
The rhythm of the traffic. I hear the women with their strollers, I know he speaks in tongues.
“the subway workers let me use their showers when they’re not using them. The people who don’t have showers sometimes give me their clothes to wash them. ”
“there’s something to put on the resume,” i say.
How lucky I am that you would take me home, give me a first class tour,
Someday, the whole world will be, or maybe we already are,
begging to give one another gifts.
“the song you sing’s about love.”
“Yes, it’s a blessing from a long time ago.” I thought he’d follow me all night.
“I’ve gotta go,” he says “I have umbrellas to sell—got ‘em wholesale from the vender on the street.”
“someday very soon
we will be begging to give each other gifts,” I say.
April 6, 2012 | 7:03 am
Posted by Emily Stern
Let Yourself Go
Some Passover Notes and Suggestions for
Inner Child Play time Passover Seder
(Order) is the perfect playground!
First we come to the glass of wine
and stare into the cup.
Any feeling that arises
let that be given to you from the cup.
This technique is used in clowning classes for creating a Clown. The way that one feels about the nose is the way your clown feels about the whole world. The nose is the whole world, and then the emotional reaction that arises to the nose in that moment is the clown’s demeanor. Let the image of the wine impact you, and allow it to become the whole world. It is all that exists.
Take your time and drink the glass. Remember this is based on a clowning exercise so feel free to let yourself be this type of clown, let it grow from this emotion.
and feel. interact. be.
The bowl of water at the center of the room is the antidote to this.
and immediately upon washing (without a blessing)
feel the emotion change into the exact opposite emotion. So, if you were feeling grumpy, you may want to explore gawking and take the world in as a remarkably charming place.
Now make your way in our interactive seder plate. All blankets and scarves and pillows as fort-like as you can be, can be strewn. Recline! Spread mattresses or pillows. Why should there be a table? Why not be in the midst of it all? Why not be the table? or at least inside it? Designate each part of the room to represent a section of the seder plate, so that you are surrounded.
As you go back into the first clown by feeling and gathering all your emotions, the experience is most likely much more deeply felt now having gone the opposite direction. Be aware of your thoughts. As we wash our hands, move your hands very deliberately. Move your wrists around. Move them in different positions; move your fingers. Feel each finger move. Play with your hands and how they relate to your inner world. When you change the outside, what are your feelings? “The wrists can lift or circle. They can move left or right, in staccato or in gentle movements. They can pull away from each other with tension or with ease. They can move up and down in a constant rhythm. They can push away from the body or slide in toward it. THe hands and fingers can claw, punch, twist, or caress. They can close as if to grab suddenly, or grasp finger by finger. They can undulate: wrist, palm, first knuckle, second, third. They can push, pull, lift, tickle, or poke.” (Stephen Wangh, The Acrobat of The Heart) Also consider doing this with the eyes. “The eyelids can open and close. They can open partway. One eye can open. One eye can wink, Both eyes can blink. The eyelids can flutter. They can be heavy and keep trying to close. They can snap open.”
When we dip the greens in salt water, remember Lot’s wife who turned around because she couldn’t fully walk forward and let go of Sodom, thereby turning into a pillar of salt. So, let us move forward. So let go of the need to hold back, to preserve oneself, into freedom from needing things to be stagnant. If there are masks available, wear them, or else continue to move the body in sections, and note the feelings or stories that arise.
As we begin to approach the breaking of the middle matzah, we also begin to be introduced to the first of the four overarching children characters—the wise child. Continue to read the hagaddah.
The Wise Child wants to know the laws? We learn from him that
we do not taste anything after the afikomen.
The wise Child knows so much. and the reminder/ healing for these children is to know that the afikomen is the sweetest part of the prayer, going inside. Please allow a few moments of connection with another person at the seder. Make sure you see the afikomen in them. Make sure you see their sweetness. Look, really look for the thing that they would not need anything forevermore because you have this. If you would like to, ask them a question. I recommend this exercise.
Recently, A friend lay in my lap, and a third friend and I looked down at her. She immediately said it was quite healing for her to imagine us as her parents. The widening of their perspectives in the safety of being a child can be quite beautiful.
Be on your back. hold your feet. FIND SAFE PLACE, where you are comfortable in the space. Whether you choose to be alone or to lay in the lap of another looking up at them as if they were a protective, loving parent or parents. Here we can begin to pay thanks to the Midwives of Egypt who saved the lives of many children that were ordered to be killed. Any part that feels dead remind yourself that we have whoever is looking at you, or Puah and Shifra to thank for the support of children. Place them in the room with your imagination. Place them in the floor boards, on the ceiling. Lay in a friend’s lap looking up and see them as loving parents, as midwives. Connect to the promise of safety in the part of the hagaddah that begins “Meetchelah” “At first . . .”
cover the matzah,
and raise your glass.
The promise- of safety or a safe future is this blessing
The Evil child needs to know their safety. “what is this service to you?” they ask. “to you, but not to me.” There is no question that this fragmentation of the whole is a symptom of the need to protect oneself, to split off as a means of survival. The child must hear. Yes, YOU are the only one.” in a process of learning to trust and care for the child self, the child must feel seen.
The third child, The simple one, the teaching includes reminding him of the strong hand of Gd. This is also about trusting the will of Gd. As if to say, “don’t worry, He cares.”
It is time for two physical exercises that will help us understand and enjoy them. Please again notice what comes up for you within them because we are also embracing the story of Egypt.
These are physical ideas for releasing tension and opening to trust and faith. It is quoted directly from Alexander Lowen’s book, “Depression and The Body”
“Take a position with the feet parallel and about six inches apart and bend the knees so that the weight of the body is balanced between the heels and the balls of the feet. The rest of the body should be straight with the arms hanging loosely at the sides. The best results will be obtained if one stands barefoot or without shoes. if possible, hold this position for about two minutes. The mouth should be slightly open so that the breathing can develop easily and fully. Let the belly out but don’t force it. Holding the belly in restricts breathing and is unnecessary work. You don’t have to hold yourself up by your guts if you will allow your legs and back to serve this function, as they were intended to do. The breathing movements should extend into the belly. The back should be straight but not rigid, the buttocks and pelvis should be allowed to hang loose and free. The purpose of this exercise is to bring you into touch with your legs and feet, and this will happen as sensation develops in them. Put your attention into your feet and try to maintain your balance between the heels and the balls of the feet. As you do this, you may find some involuntary tremors occurring in the legs or body, your legs may begin to vibrate or to shake. These involuntary movements are an expression of the flow of feeling in your body. Allow them to develop to the extent that you are comfortable with them. Sense your body and see if you can feel its aliveness. When the position becomes painful or you think your legs will collapse, change . . . (exercises)
“..stand on one leg and bend the knee as far as it will go without raising any part of the foot off the ground. The other leg is extended backward off the ground. The arms are extended and the hands rest lightly on two chairs placed alongside the person. The chairs are used for balance, not for support. On the floor six inches from the patient’s foot is a folded blanket. The patient is asked to hold this position as long as he can, breathing easily and deeply, and to feel the weight of his body on his foot. When he can no longer maintain it, he is directed to let himself fall on his knee into the blanket. There is no danger of injury through this exercise, yet most people are afraid to let themselves fall. Some will struggle to maintain the position indefinitely, while others will fall prematurely as an act of will rather than surrender. Many lower themselves to the floor gradually. This exercise is repeated twice on each leg. On the fourth time I ask the patient to say, ‘I give up,’ as he falls.”
As for the one who does not know how to ask, we must ask why? In “The Highly Sensitive Person” by Elaine Aron, she explains such an interesting phenomenon. I do not have the book here to quote, but she identifies shyness as an external context put upon as a label to describe someone who is so highly engaged with life that it can be overwhelming. That, in fact, the highly sensitive person can bear the label shy because others are not feeling connected to their profound inner experience. The One who does not know how to ask a question’s teaching is about cultivating a sense of awe. Their message is “Gd did things for me when I left Egypt.” Here we connect to the miraculous.
What is overwhelmingly fantastic in this moment? I know that sometimes I can seem shy.
Throughout the exercises, one could read the hagaddah and all can stop to then pick and choose which exercises you would like to supplement your reading, OR there could be one designated reader for the hagaddah. It is a very healing thing to do these exercises of physicality while hearing the text being read. The text can be so lofty, and affect us so deeply. There is something profound in hearing and listening while moving. For example, it would be lovely if one person if during Lowen’s Bioenergetics above, someone could be reading aloud the hagaddah beginning at “vayarayoo otanu hametzreem” (the Egyptians ill treated us.)
The section of the Hagaddah addressing the plagues has such strong imagery that I would love to apply a game that enables the bodily or soul memory of such events, or even the visceral effects of hearing such descriptions each year, or as they are spoken now.
This is an exercise that Stephen Wangh calls “The Sounds of Your Own Voice”
1. Walk, Move
“2. At each step of the exercise search for the image to which you are speaking.”
in our case, being spoken to you. As you hear it, “Let your voice be a response to the image.
“3. Search for the sound of crying. Let yourself play with sound in falsetto. Try whining, pleading, and calling as a child calls to a parent. Try reaching up with your arms as you do so…”
cover matzah raise wine
The #2 cup of wine:
For this next cup of wine and the two following there is an option to expand on the first cup of wine’s exercise, and try this one of Wangh’s, inspired by the work of Jerzy Grotwski “I feel.”
it is aligned completely with the first cup of wine and the clown exercise where we experienced the cup of wine as the whole world, and seeing what feeling arose. This time we sit with a partner and say the feeling aloud.
“1. Sit in a chair, opposite a partner. both of you take a moment to relax. make sure that you are sitting up and not holding yourself stiffly….
2. Make eye contact with your partner. If at any point you want to smile or laugh, that’s fine, don’t stop yourself.
3. Now one of you says “i feel_________,” and completes the sentence. Just name whatever you are feeling. It may be something deep or something very minor, but whatever it is, you give it a name. If you can’t find the right word, or don’t want to say it, you can use gibberish.
4. As the first person speaks, the second person listens.”
They switch off.
“The important thing is that after you speak, let go and really listen to the other person. And then, just name the first thing that arises within you.
6. if you say something and your partner does not respond, but you notice you are feeling another feeling, you do not need to wait. Just name it, and then go on and listen again.”
Try speaking the text of Dianu immediately after with your partner. Once the feelings are triggered, see if you can continue to speak them aloud while they arise throughout the emphatic speaking of the text.
Check in which where you are sitting, what place in the seder plate/room that you gravitate towards?
MATZAH or the essential self.
When does a child not have to grow up, and are we ever prepared to?
“The Magical Child sees the potential for sacred beauty in all things, and embodies qualities of wisdom and courage in the face of difficult circumstances. One example is Anne Frank, who wrote in her diary that in spite of all the horror surrounding her family while hiding from Nazis in an attic, she still believed that humanity was basically good. This archetype is also gifted with the power of imagination and the belief that everything is possible.
“The shadow energy of the Magical Child manifests as the absence of the possibility of miracles and of the transformation of evil to good. Attitudes of pessimism and depression, particularly when exploring dreams, often emerge from an injured Magical Child whose dreams were “once upon a time” thought foolish by cynical adults. The shadow may also manifest as a belief that energy and action are not required, allowing one to retreat into fantasy.” (Caroline Myss, Sacred Contracts)
raise the bitter herbs.
Imagine you are one of the children, choose one of the four. Wise, Evil, Simple, or the one who does not know how to ask a question.
Remember Moshe as a child came through the water when we wash before eating the matzah. Imagine a miracle that can happen. that they come from here. Let the child self dream.
The passover lamb,
It is required here that we do a visualization meditation of the world in which we long for. Imagine it breaking free from anything that isn’t completely bright and breathing.
I would recommend having soft things, stuffed animals to represent the animal self. Of course have as many kiddush cups as you’d like. Not just for Eliahu Hanavi, but all “imaginary friends.”
-The most important part of eating is resting, so rest while you eat. Feed others, of course, even in the head in lap position from earlier. Feel free to give something to another if it seems like a person would like it. Take turns, but most of all rest. Sleep. Relax. Remember to feast in the wilderness.
-I would love if the person who cooked the kugel or whatever dish, would explain how they learned to do it, where they heard of it, what market they went to. if anything happened on the way there, who they spoke to. what was said, what went into it. how they felt. please, tell us everything. we want to know.
As we bentch, imagine the digestive process taking place.
For Hallel there is a yoga position that opens the heart very gently. taught to me by my friend, Alice. She says to
1. put the hands clasped behind the back. straight back. elbows straight. wrists together and facing in.
2. now pull the wrists apart as hard as you can while keeping the hands clasped. pulling the shoulders back and the arms down. Open the heart.
Another open chest ex. can be found in Acrobat of the Heart.
“1. lean back gently. relax the chest, and reach up and forward with the arms . . . open your eyes and look up into the distance.
2. allow the arms to open and lift forward a few inches. Keep the wrists and elbows relaxed. Let the arms reach, slowly and gently, as if opening to the sky, as if feeling the sunlight or rain coming to you. as if you were receiving a gift. Allow your gaze to be directed out and slightly upward. Relax across the face. Let your eyes relax so that they have peripheral vision. Breathe. feel your chest open. Let your chest and your heart relax and open. Let yourself feel what you are feeling. Just feel it.
3. Let your arms reach out, but gently, without extra effort. Gently explore slightly varied angles for the elbows, the wrists, the hands.”
sing unto Gd. Feel Gd’s presence. Praise. How sweet.
next year we will be in Jerusalem!!!!