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Jewish Journal

Dear Dr. L

by Dr. Limor Blockman

April 30, 2013 | 5:28 pm

Dear Dr.L- your real questions answered thoroughly by your devoted Sex & Relationship Counselor Dr.Limor.
All questioners should be addressed to Doctorlimor@gmail.com

 

 

 

Dear Dr.Limor,

I would like to share a matter that bothers me tremendously lately. Recently I have terminated a relationship of three months with a man that was occupying my entire world. The relationship was very intense, I think you might call it love or infatuation. We both declared it happily to one another and all was going well. About two weeks into the relationship he started investing less and less time in seeing me, claiming he was occupied at work. I have since checked it( for my self ,albeit not a politically correct thing to do, I acknowledge) and indeed he was spending time working rather than with other women ,as I assumed. Regardless, it became very bothersome to always wait for him to clear some time for our relationship, and even when I have experienced physical injury that impaired my mobility for a short while, he wouldn't offer his assistance in anyway. Within a few weeks our encounters became more and more scarce and were overall 'held' in the bedroom. I feel a bit awkward asking a sex therapist regarding these matters as I mentioned that the only haven left unharmed in our relationship was the fabulous lovemaking. I have since separated from him but desperately miss him and inclined to surrender and go back. Please help me do the right thing.
Neve

 

Dear Neve,
Thank you for your inquiry. I would have loved for you to avoid the suffering part of that notion,nonetheless allow me to console you in the fact that the well known cliche'
'Time heals all wounds' is not a cliche at all and actually lives up to one's discomfort each time, without fail. The human mind encompasses the magical ability of 'keeping the good while discarding the bad' so we can proceed safely with the journey of life, that tends to present us with innumerable challenges at times. Albeit a short term relationship,its clear that the emotional impact has been quite intense on you. I would like to praise you for a very bold decision making, ending this unhealthy relationship. Unfortunately during our life course ,we come across men and women that are emotionally unavailable, at times they might  even be utterly oblivious of their 'condition' and so when one tries to carry on a relationship with such an individual, he or she end up carrying the entire weight of it on their shoulders,repeatedly giving and never receiving,or being fed 'crumbs of attention' as I like to call it. A relationship of any sort, romantic or friendly alike, simply can not survive a one sided devotion,it is bound to become unbalanced in no time and thus collapse all together. The man you are describing as your partner appears to be completely unavailable and so even though it seemed like you were having a relationship with him,you actually had one solely with yourself,as his true existence was not there to give and share. You deserve much better, I feel your pain and empathize, if its any consolation,ending the relationship early at least prevent the accumulation of shared experiences ,that could have made it much more difficult to undo later in the relationship. I command you and your strength, get back out there, the good,nourishing relationship you seek is right around the corner!

 

 

 

 

 


Hello Dr.Limor,
I am a 32 year old woman,happy and healthy overall. Recently I have started a relationship with a man around my age and all has been going well. Since I am responsible we have been using contraceptives( mainly condoms) for the past two months,and now during our third month together, we have decided to stop using them after being physically checked and found free of any STDs . Ever since we have started having 'bare' intercourse, I have started acquiring vaginal infections, repeatedly,one goes and another appears, 'sprinkled' with the emergence of the dreadful UTIs. I have been prescribed antibiotics again and again but can't shake the recurrence of these infections ,I started thinking that it might have to do with my current partner. Could he be the source of these recurring infections?? And if so,what would you advise me to do? I feel very uncomfortable bringing it up,especially since we were both tested and found healthy. Please help me.
'Suffering'


Dear 'Suffering',
First,allow me to celebrate your beautiful,supportive relationship that seem to grant you with happiness. Secondly, you evaluation is highly intelligent and most likely pretty accurate. Unfortunately females tend to become a 'vessel' that encompasses infections and physical discomforts in a much more profound, aversive manner than their male counterparts, that said it can definitely be possible that your partner suffers from the existence of the same bacteria in his system, alas only you and your sensitive female system  manifest these painful symptoms that seem to never appear or affect your lover. In regards to STDs, the case might be different as these mostly do have an apparent influence on the male system ,but since you mentioned that wasn't the issue, I'm only using it as a relative to the urgent matter you are dealing with.
My immediate suggestion would definitely be approaching your partner with that matter and accompanying him to his family practitioner ,for some blood and urine samples, possibly even a penile culture exam,so you can have a clearer view of his contribution to your suffering,if any. If his culture comes back positive, he might be prescribed the relevant antibiotics, how simple is that!! Take into consideration that at times these tests might come back negative, what might amount to a very small to irrelevant bacterial existence in your partner, albeit very bothersome to you and your health. I suggest using an over the counter herbal supplement titled 'lactobacillus  acidophilus' that can be purchased at any 'whole foods market'  or pharmacy.
Best of luck!

Dr.Limor Blockman,PhD Sex&Relationship Counselor www.DrLimor.com  Doctorlimor@gmail.com

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