Throughout life, we redefine love. We struggle with love as we age from childhood, through the rebellious teenage years, to when we graduate school, to when we seek a family of our own, to when a child enters our lives, to when we lose a parent or experience significant loss, to when our own mortality is finally within grasp. But when we discuss God, to those who are angered by Him, we seem to encounter the same dormant, restricted punisher of our infant years, unmarinated by time or maturity.
Part of this challenge is God’s fault. He is a greater Hider. She loves seekers. To capture God in words is to limit that which is Infinite. To describe the Intangible is to condense the intensity of our love for a newborn into a single kiss, forgoing the journey, the struggles, the unfulfilled promises, the sacrifices, and all that brought us to that moment of birth.
Disease is easier to define than health. So it is with God. What God is not is more easily defined than what God is. Certainly, god is not the angry man in the sky who punishes the sinner. And god is not the self centered heavenly creature that needs our words of praise to feed her ego. And god is not jealousy and pettiness. We cannot know what God is, but we can know where to seek and discover Him. God is found in moments of personal awe.
In Exodus, we are given clues into the nature of God: "The Lord! The Lord! God, Compassionate and Gracious, Slow to anger and Abundant in Kindness and Truth, Preserver of kindness for thousands of generations, Forgiver of iniquity, willful sin, and error, and Who Cleanses…” (34:6-7).
Imagine desperately wanting to meet the king. One day, he opens the palatial gates and invites you in. He asks you to roam freely, to experience, and to examine. Imagine walking the rooms and the corridors of the most intricate mansion beyond comprehension, no detail left to chance. As you shiver with excitement, perusing, a warm, reassuring hand on your shoulder welcomes you silently. The king's helpers usher you to rest in the secret garden filled with magnificently groomed trees bearing fruits of all colors. As you sit down in awe, the king's presence is felt. He tells you: “All your life, I’ve been waiting for this moment, for you to enter and to enjoy what I’ve build for you. I hope it is to your liking.”
Though impossible within our limited vocabulary and narrow brains to define God, that Home, that Palace is where I come closest to meeting my God.
Not a physical structure. But The Strength inside my vulnerability.
A Home where I feel safe, unafraid.
Where the color of skin, and what defines me on earth is Unseen. Only my essence glows and melts into His.
Where I am consoled by a Voice beyond that of the womb.
Where I am purified, emerging out of waters that connect all in One.
Where risk and creativity are rewarded by new reflections of the self.
Where Infinite Love is stored up for me and Compassion overflows.
Where all that is highest in me echoes to find the ultimate answer.
Where my thoughts set on fire all that I meet, yet all remains unconsumed.
It is the source of me, the spring of Light that flows into all that was and will be me.
Where time and space bow down to The One Truth.
Where Love defines time (and if there is no love, the seconds stop, until love re-emerges).
Where science unwinds, and all is accepted, without surprise, understood, always known, unforgotten.
Where the laws of physics convert all matter to energy, a single pure ray of Light beating with Love.
Where entropy ceases and all new beginnings are fruitful.
Where memory is not nostalgic and hope is crystals of Love floating on wings of space.
Where simplicity rules, and complexity knocking on the doors, must undress before entering.
Where I am never alone. Where the Beloved always awaits the lover.
Where I am found within you, within me, within Him.
Where my lips are always open in songs of gratitude even in the quiet of my sleep.
Where every wall is a boundless mirror through which I see my potential, my significance, my infinite dimensions.
Where all I need is "Be silent and know that I am God."
Yet after all these limiting wods, He still awaits yours. The palace doors remain open for you. All you need do is walk in.
The god you don’t believe in, I don’t believe in either. But oh, if you could only meet my God.