This week the oldest couple in my practice celebrated their 69th wedding anniversary. The question that begged: What is the secret? He answered “compromise” and she said “love.”
Many young couples, aspiring to marriage, also want to also know the secret.
From the Bible: God created something out of nothing. We left a comfortable garden to walk danger stricken lands. We were rejoined at Sinai with eternal vows. Immediately, we were instructed to build a home where God would dwell among us.
Building a home is the secret! Not buying a house.
You know you have fallen in love when you think of your beloved more than you think of yourself. The first stage of nesting is to build a space and invite her in. The second stage is to build a space together and invite in a new life formed out of the two of you. We are fashioned after God.
There are two eternal questions. Why is there something rather than nothing? For what purpose are we here? Where science fails, mysticism thrives. Love is the answer to both questions. Creation is an act of Love. Why would the Infinite make room for and create the finite? As co-creators, we reenact love.
True love is carving a home inside the heart and inviting the other to live there. Surely there will be the wrong move that will cause an ache, a step in an opposite direction causing a skipped beat, but this is the only way for our heart to sing a new song. Love gives of the self for the betterment of the other; Love is making room for the other.
If we are not affected by love, altered by love, then we have not loved deeply.
There is a philosophical question about the tree that falls in the forest with no one to observe the splash. Did the tree really fall? The mystical question: If I don’t love, if I don’t build a home, if I don’t create space for the other, then have I lived?
The end of our life is judged by the memories we create with those we love. So, why do we spend time collecting things in this short life, when we should be building bonds of love and memory?
My patients’ answers were the same. Compromise is making room to showcase love.
We all have a fluttering inside our chest, a loved one, a secret love, perhaps God, or someone that is gone physically but still remains inside us dancing. My ode to the invisible:
Your Light dances inside my heart.
Your footsteps, the pounding in my chest.
They call me crazy, they can’t see you.
They ask how I write, dance, love?
Sometimes they can see you through me.
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