It's Monsoon season in Northern Arizona, which means lightning strikes and that spells trouble in river city for those old enough to get the show tune reference. My phone, cable and Internet service are all out so I am thumbing this puppy, which I suppose only makes sense . It is a kind of nostalgia for the time, just a few weeks ago, when I " thumbed articles in the field" some times under rocket and mortar fire, which I choose to think explained the typos and misspellings .
It is fitting because there is a cease fire, and unlike the others, this is one which Hamas may actually not violate, at least for a while. And how do I know?
Because , praise the Lord, Hamas just declared victory! Not a " divine victory" mind you. It didn't rise to that level, but they are, according to the last television report I saw, having a pool party in Gaza's five star hotel, at which I'm sure Hamas's elite , now that they've come up out of their underground bunkers, will be in attendance.
So it's official. Sami Abu Zuhri , Hamas's spokesman said so at a news conference at Shifa hospital. Now why was the news conference at Shifa hospital, you might ask? Because that's where Hamas built it's command And control center, under the hospital, hiding behind the wounded And dying Gazans they gleefully sacrificed for this glorious victory. Which, Dear UN war crimes committee, is, by the way , a freaking war crime! And what are the achievements of this not quite Divine victory? Well, said Sami, they forced hundreds if not thousands of Israelis to flee Southern Israel. That's true Sami. Because unlike Hamas we don't hide behind our civilian population. Our kibbutzim in the North took in whole communities to get them out of harm's way. Unlike the way you forced your own people to become unwilling human shields! What a victory! A half million of your own people are now refugees because you turned down the very cease fire you now embrace as victory when the war was only eight days old and two thousand Palestinians, whose death warrants you signed by shooting from their neighborhoods, mosques And schools, were still alive ! Because as you have so often said, we Israelis love life while Hamas worships death. Your words, proudly proclaimed , not mine.
We invested billions in money we didn't have, to build Iron Dome which effectively shot down ninety percent of the rockets you aimed at our civilian population while hiding behind yours. True you did kill five civilians, one of whom was a four year old child, so if that's not reason for a victory celebration what is? This was your war Hamas, planned for over five years And designed around your secret weapon of terrorist attack tunnels, which, you believed, would have allowed you to pop up like zombies come up out of the grave, into packed dining halls And kindergartens. You were sure it would be a divine victory in which you could murder And Maim thousands of civilian men women And children , because that's who those tunnels were aimed at. You would have hundreds of weeping women And children cowering in your underground prison cells which you'd prepared, taken captive with the handcuffs and tranquilizers we found on your terrorists' bodies. You would have brought Israel to it's knees with the blood of it's children, and you would make it all look like your own impoverished response to Israeli air attacks. You had the script already written. But how to drag the Jews into a war that none of us wanted? Easy! Give the order, publicly no less, to your terrorist cells in the West Bank to kidnap and murder Jews. And that part went along just fine! You kidnapped And murdered Three Israeli school boys on their way home from school, sure that would have to start the war you had planned so long and so meticulously, using the steel And cement the world gave you in 2009 and 2012, supposedly to rebuild Gaza, and which you used to build your terrorist attack tunnels instead! And we all fell for it ! The whole world bought your b.s. about wanting to rebuild schools and baby clinics, the Israeli war criminals had so cruelly destroyed!So why shouldn't you celebrate? That part at least worked perfectly! You conned the whole world with your sob story and were so sure it would lead to the divine Victory! And when Israel fired not one shot into Gaza in response, you must have thought , " What's a terrorist got to do to get a Jew to cut him some slack And start a war so we can get to the Divine victory part? "So then you started firing rockets, and we said " calm will be answered with calm" . Well that sucks, right? How are you gonna get a Divine victory out of that?! So then you upped the rocket attacks to a hundred a day And we answered with an aerial campaign hoping that after a week of seeing your rockets knocked down by iron dome you would have had enough. But you had the secret Divine victory, terrorist attack tunnels up your sleeve, and you sucker punched us And the whole world . You assured the world thru the Turks and Qataris that you were accepting the cease fire And on the morning it was to start you launched another hundred rockets, all to take our eyes off the terrorist tunnel, knock out punch you were going to deliver that afternoon. But thanks to a merciful G-d and the courage, skill And strength of the IDF, you failed... Miserably I might add. Not one hostage. Not one kindergarten or dining hall strewn with murdered men women and children. No divine victory, just fifty days of misery you heaped on your own people. Fifty days of a war you launched And lost, and hence in your own hateful logic you now proclaim victory... And right around the corner will come the sob stories once again about the Israeli war criminals And how the world must pay for the third time in five years, to rebuild a Gaza, destroyed through three successive wars you launched and lost in search of that same divine victory! Well this time, if the world can get it's head out of it's collective rectum, maybe they won't be conned by the terrorist carnival huckster. Maybe they'll say ," you want Gaza rebuilt? No problem , just demilitarize, because you have no enemies.
The Israelis don't want Gaza and neither do the Egyptians ." We'd be only too happy to see you become the Singapore of the Middle East because then maybe you could invite all those Palestinians you made homeless And the relatives of the dead you hid behind, to the pool party instead of trying to kill us. But until then save the sob story for someone else . I hope that's what the world tells you. I hope for once they won't buy the con job.
But I'm not holding my breath
Joe Six Pack Civilian