Jewish Journal


December 6, 2010

Hypochondriacs are We!


I absolutely love being Jewish, I love everything about it, the food, the culture, the faith itself.  However, the terrible thing about being Jewish is that constant feeling that there is something wrong with you.  Seriously, worry is our “thing”!  That’s just what we do, what has been instilled in us from the beginning of time, STRESS.  Its like a right of passage for us.  You want to be born a Jew, OK here is a boulder to carry on your shoulders, At All Times.  From now on, you worry about everything!

And you have to be a hypochondriac if you are Jewish, that’s a Must.  I wake up every morning wondering if I have some horrible, incurable disease, preferably something from the 15th Century!  And not only do we love to complain about what hurts, we also try to out-do each other.  “Oh, you got a goiter?  Well, that’s nothing.  Look at this hemorrhoid the size of a tennis ball?  Bet you’ve never had that before! Ha!”

We wondered the Desert for 40 years, can you imagine what THAT was like?  It wasn’t pretty…

- Its hot

-Its cold

- I’m thirsty

- I’m hungry

- I’m tired

- I want to go home

- I have to pee

- Where are the bathrooms?

- Where is my 5 star hotel?

- What do you mean I have to eat this flat, big cracker with no taste to it, instead of Challah?

- My head hurts

- My butt hurts

- Where the hell is the Ritz?

And it didn’t end there, with all new technology, and the internet apparently we got smarter and sicker at the same time…  Oye Vey is all I gotta say!

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