Posted by Julia Bendis
Lately I’ve been noticing just how different men and women truly are. Yes, I know its a cliche and everyone throws it around, but nowadays I believe this to be more true than ever.
Let’s take men and women when it comes to relationships for example. When a woman wants to find a partner in life, or simply start dating again after a divorce, or after becoming a widow – what does she do? She researches all available online dating websites, traditional matchmakers and relationship gurus. She takes amazing pictures of herself or enlists her friends to do it for her. She starts working out, dieting and going to all the known singles hot spots. A single woman on the prowl takes advantage of every avenue and potential meeting spot while looking her best. This is even more true when women sign up for my services. From the moment they come to me, they are eager and willing to listen to my advice, and start on the journey of finding a partner. It’s inspiring and extremely rewarding for a Matchmaker.
On the other hand, what do single men do? The exact opposite. Don’t take this the wrong way, in no way am I bashing men! I’m only stating the facts that I’ve been dealing with lately. The single men I’ve met in the last couple years don’t necessarily like being single, yet they become accustom to their way of life and the daily grind. They get up in the morning, they go to work (which ranges anywhere from eight to twelve hours per day) and throw themselves into the workload. Most men tell me that there isn’t a moment in their day to think about how lonely they are, or how to change their situation. Work becomes an obsession of sorts and a substitution for a relationship. The amount of time and energy a single man puts into his career (and I’m talking about an individual with a fairly successful career), is the same amount that a typical woman puts into her career, kids and family combined. I don’t want to generalize as all men being the same, however most men do need a push when it comes to getting out of their comfort zone, and finding a partner in life. They definitely want to be in a relationship, but may not have the energy or desire to go out and meet people.
As much as most people hate being alone, rarely do you hear men complaining about it, unlike women. Women complain and make plans to change their situation. Men shut down, get used to their situation and stay complacent. This is one of the reasons why I make an effort to approach men, since most of my male clients don’t take the initiative on their own, but I sure wish they would! If you are a single man reading this, don’t waste more years being alone – do something about it. There is always someone out there for everyone! And if you are in the Los Angeles or Orange County, California area – contact me for Matchmaking and Dating Services.
9.6.13 at 11:40 am | We all want and need love and to be in a. . .
9.6.13 at 11:33 am | Only time heals all wounds, and in this case I. . .
8.7.13 at 2:44 pm | Constant negativity and judging is what's keeping. . .
4.8.13 at 10:49 am | Julia Bendis gets interviewed by the Orange. . .
11.8.12 at 10:25 am | Match by Julia matchmaking website
7.31.12 at 8:03 pm | Matchmaking done right! Individual, personal,. . .
12.23.11 at 12:47 pm | Getting Christmas cards this time of year instead. . . (143)
4.11.11 at 2:07 pm | What a concert! Porn, sex, S & M, rock and all. . . (11)
5.17.11 at 11:55 am | Ashley Madison, Jewish Men and Cheating, and my. . . (7)
September 6, 2013 | 11:33 am
Posted by Julia Bendis
The other day I met a man who wanted to become a client of mine. After meeting him in person and thoroughly examining his profile and questionnaire, I noticed a pattern of behavior of someone who is still not over his past relationship. While going through his answers to my profile questions, I saw that almost every time *Stan would say something about his ex.
Some were pretty subtle, like “I’d love to meet a woman with a similar sense of humor as my ex”, others were anything but: “She is the love of my life and I am honored to have known her for as long as I have”. Clearly Stan has not moved on and wasn’t ready to meet new people.
As much as I hate turning people away, I knew that in this case it was beyond necessary. Not only is he not ready to get out into the dating scene, but furthermore he is in no shape to be trying to find a serious relationship. I can’t help someone who is still deeply in love, and in obvious pain from having lost that person in his life. Only time can heal him and allow him to move on.
After discussing this with Stan, and explaining why I can’t take him on as a client, I gently proceeded to ask what happened with his ex and why they broke up. He confided in me that it was his fault it ended, and at that time he wasn’t able to give her what she wanted which was a commitment and marriage. Me being the realist that I am, I bluntly asked him what’s stopping him now? I told him to go straight to the jewelry store, buy her a ring and go ask her to marry him!
He was speechless for a few seconds, then asked if I was serious and why I’d turn away money. Simple… I’m not in this for money because if I was, I sure as hell would be charging a lot more than I do, something along the lines of other traditional matchmakers. But matchmaking and relationship guidance has never been about money to me, it’s about a passion for seeing people happy and creating a life together.
We’ve all had friends who told us that the best way to get over someone is to move on to someone else, or in my words ‘to get on top of someone new’, but that just isn’t the reality. Reality is that you don’t truly get over someone in that way. The only way is to give it time, and take time out for yourself to think about what went wrong in that relationship, why it failed and how you can change and prevent it from happening in the future. The only thing you accomplish by moving on to a new relationship too fast is temporarily feeling better, but the root of the problems is still there and in the end you still miss your ex. And the pattern continues. You absolutely have to give it time!
As far as Stan goes… He listened to my advice, went to see his ex-girlfriend and they continue to be in ecstatic state of love and bliss! Waiting for my wedding invitation.
So stay positive and learn from your mistakes, but more importantly don’t let those mistakes happen again, whatever they may be…
Enjoy your week!
*Names have been changed to preserve privacy.
August 7, 2013 | 2:44 pm
Posted by Julia Bendis
We all like to think that we’re open-minded, well-rounded and completely non-judgmental individuals… Unfortunately, for most of us that’s just not the case. Everyone has judged and sized up others from time to time, whether we’d like to admit it or not; it’s only natural to jump to conclusions and assume something about another person especially if it’s a stranger. But when it comes to dating and finding a partner in life… being judge-mental can be extremely detrimental to a relationship not to mention to your own wellbeing.
Having been in the business of matching two people together as long as I’ve been, I see it happen all the time, primarily with my female clients. Sometimes, before I can even finish telling the woman about a man I’m matching her up with, she starts to have doubts about his profession, or age of his children, or his height, etc… Now, that’s no way to be open and seeing what’s out there. How can anyone expect to ever meet a partner in life or have a date at all if they constantly pre-judge someone before they even meet them? I’m not saying that men don’t do the same thing at times, because some do but the majority of men I work with seem to be a lot more open-minded. Just because you’ve had a bad experience while dating an attorney in the past or someone’s ex was a nightmare, doesn’t mean that every attorney is that way, or every ex is a terrible person. It’s stereotyping but in the dating arena: he is an accountant so he must be boring; she is approaching forty and never married so there must be something wrong with her…
All of these judgmental behaviors are unnecessary and usually have no merit. I’ve known accountants with tattoos underneath their boring suits, and a very exciting night life. And yes I’ve also known the stereotypically quiet, soft-spoken and anal retentive accountants as well as everything in between. It just goes to show that we are not all what the stereotypes make us out to be; and why going by generalizations rather than individualistic qualities about each person is extremely damaging in the beginning of any relationship. More than anything I want to encourage anyone who is single and either just starting to date or been dating a while, to think about all the pre conceived notions you may have each time meeting someone new. Are you judging them before you’ve had a chance to truly get to know them? Are you going into a relationship assuming you know what kind of person he or she is because they identify with the opposite political party as yourself? Is their lack of formal education making them seem beneath you? Are all of your expectations making you happy and capable of finding a long-lasting relationship? If no, maybe it’s time to drop the judgmental attitude and expectations, and just go with it and see what develops without all the judging and assessing. Give the other person a chance before you decide what kind of person they are. Let time and positive outlook on your new relationship be the only things that fuel your mind, not judgments and generalizations.
So get out there with an open mind and enjoy every relationship along the way, whether its a romantic one or just a good friendship! And as always, contact me for any of your relationship needs and advice: matchbyjulia.com
April 8, 2013 | 10:49 am
Posted by Julia Bendis
You can read the full interview I had last week with The Orange County Register, along with photos and a happy couple's story of how I introduced them. They are now on their third year of marriage and a second child on the way.
Read it all here.
And don't forget to send your single friends to me, I have implemented a referral program as well as a FREE month for those who refer! Like us on Facebook and Twitter as well.
November 8, 2012 | 10:25 am
Posted by Julia Bendis
My new website is up and running for all Singles in the Los Angeles and Orange County area. If you are single and would like to be placed into my database, or become a client please visit my website: http://www.matchbyjulia.com to get further information.
If you are looking for Love and tired of online dating, give my traditional and personalized matchmaking a try.
Don't forget to Like my page on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Match-by-Julia/406704769396720
And follow me on Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/MatchbyJulia
I look forward to helping you find a partner in life!
July 31, 2012 | 8:03 pm
Posted by Julia Bendis
I can’t remember exactly WHEN I started matchmaking, but it seems like I’ve been doing it forever… In fact, I clearly remember trying to set people up back when I was in high school. Most kids seemed open to it, however I was always asked the same question, even to this day: “Why? Why do you keep doing it?” I can’t explain it, it just makes me happy to see two people come together and form a relationship of some sort. Whether its a long term relationship that ends in marriage and children, or something short-lived until both parties decide to move on. Either way, it brings me joy. I wake up in the middle of the night with an Aha! moment, knowing who I am going to set up the next day.
As much joy matchmaking brings me, there are some definite upsets that come along with it also… Maybe its a sign of times, but lately I’ve been having the hardest time with single ladies between the ages of 35 and 45. It’s not that they are opposed to the idea or mind paying for matchmaking services (believe me my prices are nothing compared to some of the well-known matchmakers… Patti Stanger, etc), but rather very cautious almost too cautious about being set up on a date. Not only are they hesitant about giving me their real age and history of past relationships, but they also proceed very slowly and with great fear!
As the world evolved and allowed women to be completely independent from men, sometimes earning higher salaries, having great friends, apartments and a social life - so has the need for having a man in our lives. It’s sad and wonderful at the same time. These days the men who come to me for help are a lot more open about it, even when it comes to light “coaching”, appearance and dating advice. Women on the other hand… not so much. They seem very set in their ways as they get older, and unless I bring them “The Perfect Guy” don’t mind staying single. I can’t say that I blame them, after all they do seem to have it all so why bother wasting a night on a potentially wrong date? But then again, I am not usually wrong when I pair two people up and besides What Do You Have To Lose? Not much. And hopefully a lot to gain! Who doesn’t want someone to come home to, or curl up on the couch with that isn’t covered in drool and animal hair? Sure your cat or dog can’t talk back, but they also can’t give you an opinion on a pressing matter, give you an orgasm or bring you a hot cup of tea when you are ill…
If you or someone you know is interested in my matchmaking services - call, email, comment, Tweet me, or any of the above. I will be more than happy to help you find a partner in life!
July 19, 2012 | 3:08 pm
Posted by Julia Bendis
I’ve always had an issue with Boy Scouts. Plain and simple, something rubbed me the wrong way about the whole organization; the children standing in full nerd-gear at grocery stores trying to sell me some crap to raise money for G-d-knows what; the badges they are supposed to “earn” doing good deeds, which reminded me of Jennifer Aniston’s character who worked at TGIFridays with all the ‘flair’ on her uniform; and of course the occasional pedophile who finds his way into the Boy Scouts, and ends up molesting children for years without any repercussions at all. But there’s no record of that happening according to BSA because they decided to burn all their records right before the government’s investigation. I am still convinced they are stashed away somewhere. If I could only find away to break into their homophobic-denial-pedophile-obsessed-building…
As of this week, I can add one more reason why my children will never be boy scouts: BSA’s blatant disregard for homosexuals being excluded from joining their organization. Or I should say their decision not to change their long-standing rule about homosexual parents, children, volunteers and employees being involved in their organization. Here is the exact quote from Boy Scouts of America, as seen on their website: “Contrary to media reports, the Boy Scouts of America has no plans to change its membership policy. The introduction of a resolution does not indicate the organization is “reviewing” a policy or signal a change in direction… In April, a single individual submitted a resolution asking the Boy Scouts to consider amending its policy on not granting membership to open or avowed homosexuals. The resolution asked that the policy be amended to allow local units to determine their own standards…
The BSA policy is: While the BSA does not proactively inquire about the sexual orientation of employees, volunteers, or members, we do not grant membership to individuals who are open or avowed homosexuals or who engage in behavior that would become a distraction to the mission of the BSA.
Scouting believes same-sex attraction should be introduced and discussed outside of its program with parents, caregivers, or spiritual advisers, at the appropriate time and in the right setting. The vast majority of parents we serve value this right and do not sign their children up for Scouting for it to introduce or discuss, in any way, these topics. The BSA is a voluntary, private organization that sets policies that are best for the organization. The BSA welcomes all who share its beliefs but does not criticize or condemn those who wish to follow a different path.”
‘Open or avowed homosexuals? Who would engage in behavior that would become a distraction to the mission of the BSA?’ Who writes this unintelligent blabber? Do they think that every homosexual person automatically wants to convert the heterosexuals to their side? Who can be this ignorant? Boy Scouts of America, that’s who. Don’t they know that their outfits themselves are beyond gay, and were designed by a closeted homosexual? How much more proof do parents need that this so-called ‘organization’ is nothing more than a glorified child-rapists ring of pedophiles that needs to be put away for a long time… And even bigger question is why would any homosexual parent or child WANT to be any part of this group?
In conclusion, I strongly believe that BSA needs a bit of a lesson and some messing with. Stay tuned…
March 29, 2012 | 10:39 am
Posted by Julia Bendis
I trust in G-d
I love my Country
And will respect its laws
I will play fair
And strive to win
But win or lose I will always do my best
This is the pledge the players chant before every Little League game, including my twelve-year-old son. Not only do I cringe every single time I hear the use of “G-d” in any child’s activity, but it’s even more alarming when it is mandated and used at a children’s baseball game. I realize that a prayer of some sort was invented and widely perused far before Tim Tebow could wipe his own tuchis, however what does G-d have to do with baseball, or sports in general?
This country is so obsessed with the power of a higher being, one might even say a power of a supernatural (but one would be called insane for using that word), that it’s not only acceptable to use G-d’s name in just about anything in life, but praise G-d for absolutely everything! What does G-d have to do with sports, and better yet what is G-d doing in a Little League’s pledge? Basically, what we are teaching our children is that as long as they pray to G-d before each of their games, a supernatural being way up high in the sky will look after you and make sure you win your games! What a way to instil false hope into a bunch of teenage boys… Forget teenage boys, they are chanting this so-called pledge at the five-year-old’s games!
All I can think about while the players are reciting this pledge is what about Atheists on the team? What about if your family simple does not believe in G-d, or anything that comes with it? What about those same players going home after a game and asking their parents why in the world we have to say that we “trust in G-d”, when in fact we DON’T trust in G-d, but only in ourselves? Isn’t G-d a bit too preoccupied with more important issues of the world to be worried about some Little League’s baseball game? From day one, we teach our children to believe in themselves and in their abilities as decent human beings, and to trust their gut when it comes to anything and everything in life. And then we make them PRAY before school starts and their sports games? Isn’t it enough that G-d’s name is already in every school as it is.
Parents, am I the only one that’s outraged over this? Please, send me your feedback!