Jewish Journal

Words of Wisdom or something like it.

by Julia Bendis

March 21, 2011 | 5:52 pm

- When people say that they are only 5 minutes away, they are really 20 minutes away.

- If your Doctor’s appointment is at 3 p.m., show up at 3:15 to skip sitting in the waiting room.  It works like a charm!

- When your kid is going on and on about something, and the story doesn’t seem to have an end, all you really have to do is nod and repeat: “Aha, yea, aha, yea”.  Again, works like a charm til the age of 6 or so.

- Always make it seem extremely urgent when calling a Doctor, even if it is only a sore throat.  Make it sounds like you have meningitis.  Surprisingly, they call back twice as fast.  According to my Doctor, I should have been dead already.

- Quantity is much better than quality.

- When trying to get a hold of maintenance, construction, or any labor personnel without success, leave them a message saying you just found their home address and are on your way over there.  You wouldn’t believe how fast they return your call!

- Nothing good comes out of a conversation that starts with a: “Well…”

- When you post on Facebook or Twitter that your husband is an idiot, do not get upset when he finds out, and then blame other people for spreading the word.

- A great matzo ball soup really can fix just about anything.

- Long hair (past the shoulders) on women over fifty is just wrong.  I don’t care what you say, its wrong.

- The same goes for women at dance clubs over forty, not just over forty but the ones trying to look and act like they are in the twenties.  That bustier does NOT make your chest look amazing (after having three kids), nor your ass, your legs or your face no matter how good your friends have said you look!

- Guys, when you get a motorcycle, don’t get a sissy little dirt bike to ride around on the streets with, get a real bike.  No, that moped does NOT make you look tough, it makes you look stupid.  Almost as stupid as that 45-year-old divorcee in skinny jeans and a see-through shirt.

- It really is much better to look good than to feel good.

Stay tuned for more wisdom…

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I was born in Ukraine, in the former USSR, and grew up in Riga, Latvia which is on the Baltic Sea.  My family and I immigrated to the United States in 1989, right before the...

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