July 6, 2011 | 12:01 pm
Posted by Julia Bendis
I am just not as Tiger-esque as I had hoped to be this summer, in fact I am the very opposite of the Tiger Mother! But, I did have big plans to become one over the summer break… And even bigger plans to grow a pair when it comes to my children NOT sitting around watching TV, playing the Wii, DSI, Ipod, Shmi-Pod, PSP, STD, GameBoy, PlayBoy, alright you get the point…
As much as I had planned on having a very strict regimen for my kids this summer, I have already failed. The kids have been out of school for three weeks now, but had only read once and done a single sheet of Math. However, I do have very neatly piled worksheets of Math, Reading, Science and History sitting on the kitchen table waiting to be touched! And every morning as I enter the kitchen, I am reminded of what a pathetic enforcer of rules that I am… I keep thinking why can’t I be more tough and strong when it comes to my kids’ summer education? I know I am no Amy Chua or some of my Mom friends by any means, but this is absolutely ridiculous.
Every single time I tell my kids to start reading or doing worksheets, I crumble and give in to their every excuse (do this in a very whiny voice of a 6 and 11-year-old):
-Mom, I am hungry. Can I do it after I eat, again?
- Of course baby! Let me make you some food, because I had just put away your breakfast an hour ago, and you clearly need to eat again.
- Mom, I am just so tired. I played outside with the neighbor kid for a long time. Can’t I just rest for a little bit and then do it?
- Sure baby! Let me make you all cozy on the couch here. Can I whip up some fresh squeezed lemonade for you since I have nothing better to do?
- Mom, my brother woke me up so early this morning, I can’t do any work now. My brain is not up. Can’t I just take a short nap and then do it?
- Of course! Why don’t you go and lay on MY freshly-made bed while I make some cookies for when you wake up!
- Mom, I sat on the toilet for so long this morning, my butt really hurts and I can’t sit and do any work right now. Can I do it later?
- You poor baby! Let me rub your beautiful toches!
You get the pattern here? I know its pathetic, but I am not a Tiger Mother. I am a Yiddishe Mother. That unfortunately comes with a great gift of smothering, over-bearing, over-feeding, over-nurturing, over-touching, over-everything. That is why I enrolled them in summer camp so someone else can do what I can’t, make them Read and do their Math! And when they come home and tell me they did neither one of those things, but play and eat, I will still go to bed happy! Who needs Reading and Math anyway… They will be artists and comedians when they grow up, so who cares!
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