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A man’s equipment…

by Julia Bendis

November 4, 2011 | 10:00 pm

It has been years since I’ve watched old episodes of ‘Seinfeld’. I usually come across it, watch for a few minutes then move on.  Today’s show, however made me pause and think.  It was the one where Elaine tries to change a homosexual man into a heterosexual unsuccessfully.  The following conversation between her and Jerry Seinfeld is what got me thinking: “Here’s the thing.  Being a woman, I only have access to the ‘equipment’ what 30, 45 minutes a week.  And that’s on a good week!  How can I be expected to have the same expertise as people who own this equipment, and have access to it 24-hours a day; their entire lives!”  To which Jerry replies: “You can’t.  That’s why they lose very few players…”

If you think about it, that is very true.  How can any woman compete with a man’s vast knowledge of his own “equipment”, and please him in the same way?  Women like foreplay.  Women like to take their time and take it slow.  Women need to be “warmed up”.  A man can accomplish the goal in a matter of seconds, minutes if we are lucky.  Men don’t need foreplay, or to be warmed up.  They are always warmed up and ready to go.  I can only imagine what goes on when men are left alone without any supervision!  On second thought, maybe I don’t want to imagine that…

It seems to me that it would only be natural for a man to be with a man, doesn’t it?  Follow this logic:  Only a man knows exactly how to please another man, right?  A woman knows nothing about what feels good for man.  A man knows what feels good for him.  So according to this theory every man should be homosexual, just like every woman should be also.  This could be just another absurd theory of mine, but somehow it makes a lot of sense.  What do you think?

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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I was born in Ukraine, in the former USSR, and grew up in Riga, Latvia which is on the Baltic Sea.  My family and I immigrated to the United States in 1989, right before the...

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