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Jewish Journal

10 things I love and understand

by Julia Bendis

February 25, 2011 | 1:42 pm

1. Don’t you love those people that use ALL CAPS when typing?  What is the thought there?  That unless you use all capital letters nobody will read your email, or that its a lot more important that other people’s emails?  And furthermore the same people that use all caps, don’t know how to spell and apparently have never learned about punctuation marks or anything else that normal people use when writing…  Do you have any idea how hard it is to read an email that is not only in ALL CAPS, but missing commas, periods and grammatically incoherent?  This is an example of an email I received the other day:

I JUST GOOGLED ALL THE GAMES PLACE SO WE CAN HAVE THE ADD:

THIS WEEKEND ON SUN IT’S AT CORNA GYM @ 2:15 THE ADD IS 502 S VICENTIA AVE, CORONA , CA , 92882

THEN 2/26 @ 2:50 AT LA MIRANDA HIGH SCHOOL ADD : 13520 ADELFA DRIVE, LA MIRADA , CA, 90638

AND 2/27 @ 3:25 AT NORCO RILEY GYM 3900 ACACIA AVE , NORCO , CA, 92860

IF WE WIN WE WILL GO ON TO A 4 TH GAME THAT WILL BE ANNOUNCED.

ALSO WE AS A TEAM HAVE TO PAY A $10 FEE TO THE SCORE KEEPER PER GAME FOR ALL 3 GAMES IT’S LIKE $3.50 PER KID IF YOU COULD GIVE THAT TO THE COACH ON SUN GAME THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

ALSO WAS WONDERING WHAT EVERYONE’S THOUGHTS WERE ON A TEAM PARTY AFTER ALL THE CHAMPION SHIP GAMES ARE DONE?? SHOULD WE HAVE ONE ???

PLEASE EVERYONE LET ME KNOW YOUR INPUT ON THE PARTY ??

*** TREAT AND DRINK I HAVE SEAN FOR THIS SUNDAY MICHAEL FOR NEXT SAT AND WE STILL NEED SOMEONE FOR SUNDAY’S GAME PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF ANYONE CAN DO SUN??? THANKS IN ADVANCE TO THESE PEOPLE FOR BRINGING TREAT AND DRINK AGAIN.THANKS

Can any rational person understand what the hell any of that means?

2. What about those morons that abbreviate every other word!  I am talking about a long email, not a text that only allows you 160 characters.  Are you that fricking lazy that you can’t even write out all the words in your pathetic e-mail?  How the hell am I supposed to know that ADD stands for address and not actual ADD illness?  Or are you trying to tell me that you have ADD, and therefore can’t sit long enough to write out words correctly?

3. How about those of you that feel the need to post your every move on Facebook or Twitter!  “Going to the supermarket with my wonderful hubby, then for some romantic dinner at Blabetty Blahs”  Really?  Do you really think people give a damn?  Or my favorite one: “What a beautiful day! I want to thank God for my wonderful husband, my perfect little children and my perfect little life! If it wasn’t for God, I couldn’t be enjoying this incredible day!”  Yes, we get it you love God, you are a born-again whatever, you found the meaning of life, you are all of a sudden not a miserable person that you used to be, and even though you used to do crack, smoke everything under the sun, steal, lie and cheat, we get it that now you are a changed person, all because you found… drum roll… GOD!

4. Speaking of Facebook, how about those socially inept human beings that post their engagements, pregnancies, and other special, private moments on Facebook prior to actually picking up the phone to share the news with their family and friends!  I am all for people making making their own mistakes, looking like fools and all that but how idiotic is that?

5. Yes, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Vests!  What a waste of money and material.

6. I absolutely love those people that insist on licking their fingers while eating.  I can not think of a more grotesque habit than that!  Can you imagine sharing food with that animal?  Hey imbecile, that big white thing you just put on your lap is called a NAPKIN, and you wipe your hands on it.  It’s not just there for the food that misses your mouth.

7. How about those parents that refuse to admit that their kid is a brat?  No, my kid would never do that.  You are right, that moron that I witnessed with my own two eyes karate-kicking another moron in the back was obviously not your kid, he just happened to look like your kid who also got into your car afterward, right?

8. No matter what’s happening in the world, everyone blames the Jews.  It doesn’t even matter what it is, wars, recession, Charlie Sheen’s addiction, every single time its the Jews’ fault.  (Read more about that later)

9. People that have to create something out of nothing!  Drama junkies.  Even if there is absolutely nothing, those people will find something to argue about.

10. And my favorite are the women that complain about their husbands losing jobs, yet they continue driving their luxury SUV’s, parading around with their Louis Vuitton bags, and refusing to get a job of their own.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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I was born in Ukraine, in the former USSR, and grew up in Riga, Latvia which is on the Baltic Sea.  My family and I immigrated to the United States in 1989, right before the...

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