January 4, 2011 | 7:05 pm

Great Doctor must not exist!

Posted by Julia Bendis

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Don’t you just love when you visit a Doctor, and he tells you to go ahead and call him if you need anything else?  I am still pretty shocked when I hear any Doctor say that, since most of them want you to come back, pay money, and THEN they will answer your questions, even if you’ve already seen him the day before… for the same thing. 

What they don’t tell you is that you will NEVER get through to them, when you call!  See, they have developed a great firewall, as in a computer firewall.  When a patient calls trying to speak to the Doctor, a defense mechanism by the name of “front-desk-Judy” comes up to block you.  “Oh, you really really need to speak to the Dr.?  Sorry, he is in with a patient right now.  Oh, he told you to call him?  I understand, and will leave him yet another message that you called.  Yes, I see here that you called prior to this annoying call, but he was at lunch then.  And yes, we are only open from 9 to 4, and we take an hour lunch from 12 to 1, but don’t answer our phones until about 1:30 or so, and today we are leaving early.  Why?  The Dr. has a dinner appointment with his wife.  Why don’t we just make an appointment for you to come in tomorrow, and he will answer any questions you may have!  Yes, that will cost you another co-pay, and yes most likely he will be running late since we are getting in a little late tomorrow.”
Either way, you are screwed.

You see, I finally found a perfect Jewish Doctor in Orange County.  He really is perfect, not only because he will sit and chat with you, but also tell you all about his family!  When he is done talking about his everyday struggles with his children, and the trials and tribulations of his third marriage, he does occasionally look at whatever it is that brought you into his office.  After which, he asks what it is that you would like for him to do to fix the problem…
Well, I am no Doctor but I think some kind of an anti-biotic would work just fine!  What do YOU think, Doctor?

What’s even better about my wonderful, Jewish Doctor is that I recently found out that he is Canadian.  Yes, that country above us that for some reason thinks its an Actual country of its own!  Now, no need for hate mail, I love Canada!  Really, I do.  I even have some relatives that live there.  People are very nice, and super friendly and I don’t have a single problem with them.  However, I am not so sure about their Medical professionals…
Oh wait, that’s not the best part.  Here it comes.  I recently found out that my Jewish, Canadian doctor also went to school in Mexico!  Yeap, that country right below us.  Again, I have no problem with that country either.  People are even nicer than Canadians, hard workers, always eager to help, etc, etc, etc… 
I am starting to understand his willingness to give me whatever I want, whenever I want it.  I am also starting to understand the shady hours of operation.  What I don’t understand is why can’t I find the perfect, Jewish Doctor…

To read more on my quest to find the perfect Doctor, please visit my blog at: http://easternblocklox.wordpress.com

January 3, 2011 | 6:28 pm

Vests and other useless articles of clothing!

Posted by Julia Bendis

Let’s talk about Vests.  Maybe I am the only person that doesn’t get this, but what is the point of a Vest?  And more importantly, what the hell is the point of a warm winter jacket if its missing sleeves!  I don’t get it.

If you need a warm jacket or coat to keep you warm, what in world would possess you to buy one that has no sleeves???  Let’s follow this logic:

- You go to a store to buy a warm jacket.

- You walk around looking at various ones.

- Oh look, here is a pretty one.

- Oh look, it has no sleeves.  Perfect.

- My whole upper body will be nice and warm, but my arms will be freezing.  Perfect.

- I’m buying it!

Really?  I don’t care how cute it is, or how much fur it has, you step outside in that thing in 50 degree weather, you will be sorry some idiot cut off the arms on it.

To read more of my useless articles of clothing, and other rants check out my blog: http://easternblocklox.wordpress.com

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January 2, 2011 | 10:31 pm

Funny things kids say

Posted by Julia Bendis

* As usual, Nik (the 5 year old) was taking forever in the bathroom.  I yelled out to him: “Are you OK?  Did you fall in the toilet?”  “No Mommy, ONLY my butt fell in the toilet!  But, its OK.  I pulled it out!”

* As we were all driving one day, a car cuts us off.  I yell out: “Why is that guy an idiot?”  My 11-year-old, Tyler: “I don’t know, Mom. Why is a pickle green?”

* My 5-year-old has started to take a shower on his own, with my husband or I watching in the bathroom, and making sure he cleans everything.  One day, while he was in the shower my husband was telling him to make sure to wash his behind well.  As Nikolas was about to do it: “Oh, this ain’t gonna be pretty!”

* On the plane a few months ago:

Me: Would you like some beef jerky?
My kid: Yea yea beef jerky!
He starts eating.
My kid: “Oh, its spicy, I need water”
Me: I don’t have any water
My kid: Well why did you give me this then?
Me: Not sure. Spit it out.
My kid: I need a napkin!
Me: Ooh lucky for you I found a napkin
My kid: No, no – lucky for you.

* When Nikolas was taking a very long time in the bathroom one night, my husband asked him if he was alright, if his stomach was hurting, and if it was diarrhea.  He looks in the toilet, looks up: “Oh, its your lucky day, Daddy!”

* My son didn’t want the Oats on the Oat Bran muffin, so my husband started to scrape them off.  He finished, and our Nik says: “That’s good enough, Dad. You can take a break now!”

* Nik wanted to have the leftover Halloween candy, and was trying to get it.  Me: “Oh, don’t eat that, its a month-old!”  My kid: “No, you are a month-old!”  He thought I was calling him a baby.

* While trying to clean up the house, the little one kept whining that no one is giving him anything to do.  It was getting on my nerves, me: “What’s with you?”  My kid: “Stop saying that, there is Nothing WITH me, I don’t have anything WITH me!”

* We asked our oldest, Tyler (who was 9 yrs at the time), to do us a favor and give a shower to his little brother (4 at the time), kind of as a joke. Really didn’t think that he would actually do it.  He obviously took it as a way to make a quick buck… We got this (see a photo to the right) as our bill of services rendered!

* We let Tyler (10 at the time) ride his bike down to the neighborhood park, with his friends.  After he got back home, I asked him, “Tyler did you guys stay at the park the whole time?”.  Rolling his eyes at me, “No, Mom.  We went to the bar, had a few beers, you know, the usual!”

* “Mom, when you were a little boy in Russia, did you speak English?”.  “You mean: when I was a little GIRL in Russia”,  “no Mom, I SAID, when you were a little BOY in Russia!  Everyone is born a Boy, and then some turn into girls!”

 

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