October 26, 2007 | 1:29 pm

Birthright Britney—come to Israel! (new video from Orit in Israel)

Posted by  Orit Arfa

Some people ask me how I can possibly compare Britney to Israel, as I did in my parody of Chris Crocker’€™s famous Leave Britney Alone YouTube plea. Britney and Israel have a lot more in common than you think.

History
Britney grew-up Kentwood,  Louisiana with an inborn ambition to perform. She appeared on Star Search when she was ten years old, then moved on to star in the New Mickey Mouse club. But she broke out on her own at age 17 with her first hit: “Hit Me Baby One More Time.” Her dreams came true even before her body came into its own.

After a 2,000 year ambition to live freely on their own land, the Jewish people founded Israel in 1948. Israel fought for its existence and made it. Then in 1967 the wildest dream of the Jewish people came true: Israel conquered the Temple Mount in Jerusalem. Israel was a worldwide star. Her dream came true even before its land came into its own.

Individualists
Overall (at least in their better years) Britney and Israel liked to do things alone. Britney gave up the chance to be in girl group because she needed the limelight for herself. Only until her less successful fourth album, In the Zone, when she was already on the decline, did she collaborate with artists other than Madonna or her ex-boyfriend, Justin Timberlake. She was a pop star that dwelled alone.

Israel for a long time retained a friendly distance from other nations. Only America (the Madonna of nations) is considered Israel’s real best friend. Hopefully America won’t drop its alliance with Israel as Madonna did with Britney, despite their hot kiss. Overall, though, Israel is a people that dwells alone.

Icons
There is no denying that Britney is already an icon. The blonde from Lousiana has captured the imagination of millions of people for her beauty, her passion, her performing talent, and her fun, danceable pop songs. Okay, so she’s no Celine Dion—but take her at face value. She is the American Dream.

Israel too has become an icon. She’s a productive, beautiful stand-out in a region embroiled with dictatorship and strife. She has provided inspiration to millions of Jews and non-Jews around the world. She is the Jewish Dream.

Loved and Hated
People either love them or hate them. Israel and Britney have garnered both devout defenders and mean critics. But no one can remain apathetic for too long.

The Press: “Gimme More”
Both Britney and Israel have been relentlessly scrutinized and hounded by the press disproportionately to other pop stars and countries, respectively.

The press likes to build someone up, and then shoot them down. It gives them a special sense of power, since the press boasts no distinct accomplishments of their own other than covering the accomplishments (and failures) of others.

At the first sign of weakness, the press will start nitpicking every wrong or sour turn of any star. Britney and Israel have been constantly put under microscope, and soon enough, they started believing the media’s lies. They became the monsters the media and the critics made them out to be.

Self-Destruction
Israel and Britney grew-up too fast. They became so strong that they didn’t know what to do with their own strength. Given their strength, they became so criticized that they didn’t know how to cope with all the attention.

Just as Britney reached her peak, things started to go downhill. It started around her Onyx tour when she felt this great instinct to nest. She marries a childhood friend for 24 hours in Las Vegas. She cancels her tour, citing illness. Not long after she claims she wants to be normal, to raise a family like everyone else. She got married and had two kids.

Israel reached its peak during the Six Day War. Suddenly, Israel wasn’t David against Goliath, but the Goliath itself. Israel was vilified as an Occupier. The Jews were no longer this weak people, but a strong force to be reckoned with. Israel felt this great instinct to nest: to give away the land it won and to be normal, just like everyone other democracy. Israel forcefully uprooted its own citizens from their homes in Gaza to fit in. Israel became so normal that it fought a bloody war in Lebanon completely unprepared.

Neither Israel nor Britney are truly ‘fessing up to their mistakes. And oops—they keep doing it again. They are trying to cover up their mistakes with parties and good times. They are getting stuck in the toxic relationships. Britney is drugging herself with alcohol, partying and who knows what else. She’s neglecting her children. Israel is drugging herself with an obsessed vision of peace, and neglecting the children of Israel.

Identity Crisis
What this all boils down to is that Israel and Britney suffer from lack of self-knowledge and self-pride. Who are they? What are they? Is Britney a pop star, a mother? Is Israel a liberal democracy, a Jewish State? Until they look deep inside themselves and discover the best of them—and be proud of that—I’m afraid that both will continue on a terrifying path of suicide.

What has kept Britney going is her creative output. What has kept Israel going is its creative output (and not the government and the press). If they continue to create honestly and productively, maybe they will sustain. I anxiously await the redemption of both. Hit us baby one more time!

—Orit in Israel

October 23, 2007 | 10:33 pm

[VIDEO] If Baruch Obama and Dick Cheney are cousins, what about us?

Posted by The Web Guy

I’ve said it before, we—Jews—are family.

We are the children of Avraham Avinu (Abraham Our Father) and some of us are descendants of the first Jewish priest—the first Cohen—Aaron, brother of Moshe Rabbenu (Moses Our Teacher.)

It’s all there in Jon Entine’s cutting-edge new book, Abraham’s Children, where he explores questions of Jewish race and identity. Most controversially, Entine digs deep into DNA evidence to discover to what extent the Jewish people are “chosen.”

What?  No reading for you? OK. Don’t read all about it—we have video, doh.

B & D can’t beat our stuff!

—The Web Guy

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October 20, 2007 | 3:07 pm

It’s a girl! Mazal tov to Isla Fisher and Sacha Baron Cohen

Posted by JewishJournal.com

Facts are scare, but Isla Fisher, fiancee of Sacha Baron Cohen, gave birth to a baby girl yesterday, according to Australian and British media reports.

No name yet, no further details, other than the blessed event took place here in Los Angeles.

This Baby Borat is an American citizen!

And from the looks of this photo of Isla, shot earlier this week, it was about time.

Mazal tov! Jagshemash! Ani v’at, at v’ani, chaverim b’Habonim!

—Dennis Wilen

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October 18, 2007 | 2:29 pm

Ellen DeGeneres is barking up the wrong tree

Posted by JewishJournal.com

Why am I defending Mutts and Moms against Ellen DeGeneres in the Great Doggy War of 2007?  Well, someone has to.

It turns out we adopted our dog Kira from Marina Baktis at Mutts and Moms three years ago.  Marina was a thorough pleasure to deal with.  Not at all the crazy, doggy-Nazi Ellen is making her out to be.  In fact, for us she bent the rules, allowed us to adopt without a home visit, and decided to forego a follow up visit.  Obviously she felt confident we knew what we were doing.  Beyond that, she drove 30 miles to deliver Kira to us. 

Mutts and Moms specializes in pregnant, hard to place dogs—a pretty thankless job.  Maybe Marina was wrong in Ellen’s case, maybe ellen was wrong, maybe it was a misunderstanding—but for Ellen to go public and mobilize her legions against a private citizen devoted to the welfare of abandoned animals—how cruel is that? She could have handled it a thousand better ways.  Yes, be kind to animals.  But humans are animals too, Ellen, right?

—Rob Eshman

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October 14, 2007 | 6:23 pm

U CAN HAZ BIBLE

Posted by JewishJournal.com

The Internets seem to generate phresh pop culture phenoms on a regular basis. The dancing baby, the Kiss Me Turk, All Your Base Belong to Us, and Chris Crocker (who inspired our immensely popular YouTube video “Leave Israel Alone”) are just a few.

One of this year’s most visited Web sites is LOLCat.com, the home of funny cat pictures (hence LOL—Internets slang for ‘laughing out loud’).

The phenom has spread Web-wide.  People sell LOLCats style chachkas on CafePress.com, and create LOLCat videos to share on YouTube..

But why stop there? (And don’t hate us for our freedom.)

The latest is a Web-wide volunteer project to translate the Bible into LOLCat.

Here’s the beginning of Bereshit (Genesis):

1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat waz invisible, An he maded the skiez An da earths, but he no eated it.
2 The earths wus witout shapez An wus dark An scary An stufs, An he rode invisible bike over teh waterz.
3 An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.
4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stufs, An seperatered the lite form dark An stufs but taht wuz ok cuz cats can seez in teh dark An not tripz ovr nethin. an cieling cat sayz u mus hav da moneyz 2 git da milkz.
5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. Teh evning An morning was teh first day.

Women friends tell me Shir HaShirim is extra special, too:

1. Solomones Songz of Songz, kthx.
Teh Beluved.
2. Let him kiss me wit da kissus of hiz mouf—for yer love be moar delitefool den cheezbugers. Srsly.
3. Yu has a smell I likez; yer name is like smellz poorded out. Deh oter sluts luv yu too!
4. Take me wit yu plz, come on! Letz go! the king bringme into hiz chamburz, k?

LOL!

—Dennis Wilen, AKA The Web Guy

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October 11, 2007 | 3:23 pm

Let there be Subway

Posted by JewishJournal.com

I’ve waited my entire life for this moment—the opening of a kosher Subway—seriously. 

As a nice Jewish boy growing up in a kosher home, when Subway was the topic, my religion had always said no—but my heart always yearned for yes.

So when I heard about LA’s first kosher Subway, it was finally time to listen to my heart and fulfill my lifelong destiny of eating a meatball sub.

Mmmmmmmmm—meatballs!

—Jay Firestone

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October 10, 2007 | 12:58 am

Where is the Muslim Adam Sandler?

Posted by The Web Guy

Ahmed Soliman blogs:

The Eid holiday is upon us—the annual Muslim holiday that marks the end of the Muslim holy month of Ramadan. It’s a festive occasion in which the fast ends, charity is given, and everyone is in a good mood.

I love Eid. I love the cookies my mother makes, and I love going to the Mosque and seeing friends
that I haven’t seen in a long time. But there is one thing that always makes me take pause— why don’t the rest of my non-Muslim, fellow Americans acknowledge this holiday too?

Unlike Christmas, at Eid time people in this country don’t acknowledge the Eid holiday. While American mosques get crowded by millions of Muslims across the country looking to do their Eid prayers, the majority Muslim countries of the world do far more than that (lights, songs, and school holidays). But in America, if you turn on the TV, there are no ‘Happy Eid’ wishes from the stations—and you never hear an ‘Eid’ song on the radio.

Adam Sandler is a Jewish American movie actor who can identify with a lack of recognition for his religious holiday. He recorded a jocular Hanukah song that empathizes with any Jewish American who feels left out of Christmas, and reminds them of all the famous Americans who celebrate Hanukah also. But at least Sandler can say that everyone knows what Hanukah is.

Until you guys find a Muslim Adam Sandler, Happy Eid to all—from your cousins @ JewishJournal.com!

—Dennis Wilen

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October 2, 2007 | 4:59 pm

Video: Orit from Israel says ‘Leave Israel Alone!’

Posted by JewishJournal.com

Inspired by Chris Crocker’s infamous and passionate YouTube appeal for people to leave Britney alone after her bad performance at the MTV 2007 Music Video Awards, Orit from Israel makes this passionate video appeal: LEAVE ISRAEL ALONE!

Says Orit: This video is for anyone who dares bash Israel and demand Israel make more concessions. [STRONG LANGUAGE]

The original ‘Leave Britney Alone’ video

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