November 8, 2007 | 7:54 pm

Thank God for coffee

Posted by JewishJournal.com

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No, I really mean it.  We must not forget to thank God for coffee—it gets you up in the morning, helps you maintain on extremely difficult work days and it tastes darn delicious!

The brewed extract of the roasted seeds of an evergreen bush of the genus Coffea is one of HaShem’s miracle drugs.  Aside from its uplifting effect, it eases migraines and also appears to reduce the risk of Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s disease, heart disease, diabetes mellitus type 2, cirrhosis of the liver, and gout.

So how to thank God for coffee?

My friend The One True b!X composed this prayer, popularly known as the ‘Hail Juan’ prayer”

Hail Juan
Full of grace
The Bean is with Thee.

Blessed art Thou among bloggers
And blessed is the fruit of Thy agriculture
Coffee.

Holy Juan
Father of *twitch*
Pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of our final cup

An excellent sentiment, but Roman Catholic, like its purported patron saint, coffee grower Juan Valdez.  Juan does not look Jewish, either.

So what is the proper Jewish blessing one should offer before sipping this magic elixir?

ברוך אתה ה’ א‑לוהינו מלך העולם, שהכל נהיה בדברו.‏

Transliteration: Barukh ata Adonai Eloheinu Melekh ha‑olam, she‑hakol nih’ye bidvaro.

Translation: “Blessed are you, LORD, our God, King of the universe, through whose word everything comes into being.

Mmmmmmmmm, coffee!  (I’m currently featuring Peet’s newly-released 2007 Holiday (non-sectarian) Blend.