April 27, 2011 | 2:21 pm

Prince William and Kate Middleton’s Royally Jewish Wedding

Posted by Lauren Bottner, Hollywood Jew contributor

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Never mind that the Prince William and Kate Middleton are Christian. That’s no excuse for Jews to feel left out during the Royal Wedding extravaganza.  I give you the Royal Wedding’s Sheva Brachot (seven blessings).

Royal Sheva Brachot

1. David Beckham will be in attendance and according to him, he’s ‘“half Jewish” from his mother’s side, but never observed a religious practice.’

“I’ve probably had more contact with Judaism than with any other religion.” (Somethingjewish.com)

Well, if that’s all it takes, Jews should be exponentially growing in number.  For further proof of his member of the tribe status, he has a verse from Shir Hashirim on his left forearm.  We’ll ignore the fact that it offsets the cross tattoo on his back for now.

2. The bridal couple will be presented with a Ketubah-like scroll by a professional scribe.  It’s officially not a ketubah seeing as neither the bride nor the groom are Jewish, hence the absence of all traditional religious language.  Still, the scroll is composed of Hebrew and English text written “by a rabbi is based on egalitarian principles” explained the scribe.(JPost)

3. A black hat is a black hat.  Just because the guards’ “bearskin” hats are fuzzy and three feet tall, that shouldn’t prevent the obvious connection to Haredi black hats and Orthodox Jews. 

4. Speaking of the guardsmen, they are hypothetically all Jewish friendly now that Cameron Reilly has been fired.  The 18 Scots Guard was banned from Royal wedding duties after posting on Facebook his desire to shoot at Jews gathered at the Tower of London. Thank goodness the Ministry of Defense is so alert to any and all anti-Semitism.  Oh, plus he had some not so nice four letter words to describe Kate Middleton.  That might have had something to do with it to…but probably it was just the anti-Jewish thing, right?

5. Not one, not two, but three rabbis are on the guest list.  Between Rabbi Anthony Bayfield, Rabbi Alan Plancey, and the Chief Rabbi Lord Sacks, Jews are amply represented.

6. For the record, Kate Middleton has a whisper of Jewishness in her geneology…or at least the sound of it.  Her mother’s maiden name was Carol Goldsmith but if there ever was some member of the tribe in her, it’s too many generations ago to ever be recorded.  Sadly, we still haven’t broken into that Royally exclusive club.

7. Wedding guests will get in their four cups of wine in the Passover spirit,  “flagons and flagons” of it, along with port, mead and ale following the champagne cocktails and mimosas before the ceremony. (HuffingtonPost)

Then there’s the food.  From a Jewish standpoint, there are some touchy items on the menu, i.e. the high treif scallops wrapped in bacon appetizers, but not to worry.  If you can hold out for the main entrees, and skip the roast pig dish, there’s bubby’s brisket waiting for you.  Seriously…brisket.

So just between us, it’s a pretty Jewish-ish wedding.  Even if Prince William and Kate don’t know it.

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