November 1, 2010 | 5:09 pm
Posted by Orit Arfa
It makes sense that the Jewish State has begun to develop its own “pick up artist” (PUA) industry, a community of men (and a few women) who teach clueless guys how to turn a woman on. Jewish men, like Ross Jeffries and Neil Strauss, have pioneered the now saturated PUA industry in the US, although in my interview with Neil Strauss last May, he said Jewish men don’t necessarily need pick up advice more than other ethnic groups (I’m sure some Jewish women would beg to differ).
While the industry in Israel is still small, with just a smattering of companies and PUA coaches, Israeli men are recognizing the need for the skills and techniques these seduction specialists teach, says Tomer Koron, one of Israel’s pioneering “pick up” coaches. A few years ago, Koron left his job in the world of sales to master the art of relating to and attracting women and to spread the art in Israel.
I met with Tomer when I visited Tel Aviv this past summer, and over e-mail, he discussed (in Hebrew) the differences between the ways American guys and girls “pick up” and like to be “picked up.” Here’s the translation:
How are Israeli women different to “pick up” than American girls?
Israel women are rightly considered among the hardest-to-get of the female race when compared to Latin, European, Asian and American women. There are many reasons for this: army service, which makes many of them “manlier” and tougher; family and social pressure to be “independent” and “strong”; a high sense of self-worth and pride that doesn’t always match their appearance or personality; initial sexual experiences at a relatively later age; and, of course, the “Israeli bubble” in which everyone knows everyone, and which is quick to label women who come across “too easy” as a “slut” or “whore.”
Compared to American women, for example, Israeli women demand a special kind of treatment from men who go after them. Israeli women don’t have patience—they’re always rushing and they have a very fast pace (of walking, talking), which requires suitors to consistently demonstrate skills such as assertiveness, improvisation, concentration and focus, attentive listening, emotional self-expression, and the proper reading of body language.
Second, Israeli women are very, very loyal (until marriage at least) to their man, whether they are going out for two weeks, two months, or two years. Israeli society is very conservative and family-oriented, and the chance of getting a girl that’s taken – again, compared to American women – is close to none. In the US, the phrase “I have a boyfriend” is a recommendation, while in Israel it’s taboo.
Third, in contrast to American girls who sometimes have to roll with “shallow” small talk that’s part and parcel of American culture and not necessarily the fault of the specific man, Israeli women expect intelligent and deep conversations with men, and they won’t compromise on a lack of spiritual or intellectual depth. To get quality Israeli women, a man has to be the deepest man he could be and know how to express this to a woman.
What advice would you give an American man, whether he’s a tourist to Israel or an oleh (immigrant), who wants to pick up or date an Israeli woman?
The main tip I can give is to be unique and different. From whom? From the rest of American men. In the eyes of Israeli women, American men are perceived as materialistic, narcissistic, egotistical, shallow, crude, lazy, childish and sometimes dangerous. Therefore, you must show how you are different from these men, which means showing the deeper and more spiritual sides of your personality, your generosity and altruism, your empathy and honesty, your chivalry and maturity.
How are Israeli men different in the courtship process than American men?
When it comes to the courtship process, and in contrast to American men, Israeli men demonstrate much less chivalry. Basic actions like waiting by the car door when a man picks a girl up for a date; opening the car door or entrance; making restaurant reservations in advance; and sometimes even paying for the entire first date(!) are not part of the dating routine of Israeli men, much to the frustration of many Israeli women.
Another difference is that Israeli men generally don’t use alcohol as the main means to hasten the courtship. For example, the custom of making the first move by ordering a drink is rare and more of an exception in Israel compared to the US. Aside from the prevalent lack of chivalry, the main reason for this is the high cost of alcoholic beverages in Israel relative to the average Israeli salary. Treating two women for a drink in one night, and of course, ordering two drinks for yourself, can cost up to NIS 300 (@$75), which accounts for about 4 pecent of the average Israeli salary.
What advice would you give an American girl, tourist or olah, who wants to pick up or date an Israeli man?
The main tip I can give is to be consistent. What does that mean? Compared to American men who interpret a slow dance with a woman as an act of flirtation and one she’ll likely repeat with five to seven other men throughout the course of one night, an Israeli man interprets a slow dance with a woman at a party or bar as a sign of commitment and exclusivity for the rest of the night. So instead of going around dancing closely with several men, choose one guy that you want and stick only with him, and from there he’ll (hopefully) understand how to lead you in the courtship dance.
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