When I spoke with the Director of ALMA, Michal Barkai-Brody, about some of the girls’ experience in the six-month pre-army program for female leadership, one story in stood out. It was the story of Tova*, a girl from an ultra-orthodox neighborhood in Israel, who had a particularly difficult childhood and had strayed from the ultra-orthodox traditions. Michal explained, “there are secrets better left untold about what Tova went through while growing up. no child should go through that”.
Just as Tova was feeling disenchanted by the ultra-orthodox life, ALMA came to her community for a Shabbat, leaving Tova feeling immediately connected with Barkai-Brody, who said that Tova “was just meant to be there, at ALMA”. She knew this was where she would be loved and accepted- for her it was an eye opening experience. Michal was hesitant to accept Tova into the program, knowing that her parents did not support the teachings of the program and instead preferred strict religious education. However, Michal decided to bring her to ALMA if her father agreed for her to do Sheirut Leumi, a mandatory national service for religious Israelis. Knowing that Tova might not have a place to go otherwise (and after much convincing by Tova and Barkai-Brody), her father reluctantly agreed and Michal accepted her to the ALMA program.
But then, four days before the program started, Barkai-Brody explained, “Tova came up to me and said she wants to back out of the program and become a yoga teacher instead. I explained to her that coming to ALMA is now or never, and speaking her language, I said that if it is G-d’s plan for her to be a yoga teacher, it will happen.” So Tova decided to come to ALMA, but little did anyone know that within a few months of this very program, she would be given a once in a lifetime opportunity that would lead her to pursue her dream.
I sat down Tova to talk with her about her experiences before ALMA and how ALMA has shaped her into the woman she is today.
Q: Michal Barkai-Brody tells me you really came out of your shell in ALMA. What kind of hobbies and curiosities do you attribute to your time with ALMA?
A: I love to do yoga, which gives me connections with my feelings, stability, and a feeling of health and breathing. On the weekends, I like to be in nature and go camping.
Q: What was your experience growing up and before ALMA?
A: I was born outside of Israel- my parents were there on a religious mission. My Father was a Rabbi in the Kolel (an institute for full-time, advanced study of the Talmud and rabbinic literature) and my mother was a high school teacher. After I was born there, my family moved to Jerusalem, where I am one of nine siblings. I was a very introverted child- shy and hesitant of people. I had a very difficult time as a teenager, with my parents, the ultra-orthodox community, and my education at home.
My relationship with them up till then was bad. I was fearful and I knew I had to go to ALMA, after I had gone through a process of discovery through being exposed to other types of people and groups. I felt there was dishonesty between what I was taught versus what I saw outside of the community. There was no acceptance for other people and ideas. It was painful.
Q: What was ALMA like for you?
A: When I left for ALMA, I had a very distant relationship with my family. My family did not accept me moving and going to ALMA, which they viewed as a secular place- they were scared of my influence on my younger sisters. But I didn’t ask their permission because I didn’t feel like I needed their permission.
ALMA was, for me, a bridge between two worlds. Many things were new, like being part of and living with a group. I had hesitations along the way, especially because I need privacy. But I was very surprised in ALMA to see how good it can be to live in a group and to communicate. I was surprised with how much I loved the group and how I felt atoned, to be a part of a family, to grow, and to learn.
Q: What did you learn in ALMA? Did anything in particular stand out?
A: In ALMA I learned how to survive in nature, I learned about societies in Israel, and mostly about gender studies, which was very mind opening. Before ALMA, I didn’t think so much about what is the influence of being a woman in my life and in this society and country, even being in the ultra-orthodox community. I experienced it, but I never noticed something wrong about the attitude. I wasn’t aware of it until I came to ALMA. Now I realize the influence of being a woman on my behavior and experiences. Gender studies really brought me an awareness- even the fact that there are no women Rabbis in ultra orthodox society. Women can’t talk in front of a crowd of men- she needs to be hid and covered. Before ALMA, I had feelings that there is something wrong in sexuality and I wanted to feel free and comfortable.
One of the things that most stood out was a movie called Water and Love. It was about a group of Muslim women from Morocco, where there was a duty for women to bring water from spring. The water was very heavy, so much so that some women even naturally aborted their babies this way. The women gathered and decided that they would rebel against this situation. They stopped having sex with husbands until they were provided with infrastructure for tunnels that will bring water. The movie spoke to me a lot because of the idea that the women were rebelling from the families that they loved- it showed the idea that even if there is love, there can still be change. There was also discussion of religion and the status of a woman- in a religious society, women need to obey no matter what, but men must also respect their wives and show compassion. Finally, there was the relationship of the protagonist and her sister, who was left far away. I feel like I’m in a similar situation now. This story really touched me- I even wrote a poem about it that I shared with the ALMA girls.
Q: What was the most influential part of ALMA for you and how did it change you?
A: Yoga was a very big part of the experience. I started yoga when I was 16, but more as a sport than as a meditative practice. We started weekly yoga classes in ALMA, learning about the philosophy and spiritual path of yoga.
I came from a life of rules, obedience, and many social norms that I didn’t feel connected to. It’s the practice of sensitivity and attention to getting to know oneself without judgment, about discovering yourself and listening to yourself. I learned to introspect about my thoughts, feelings, actions, and connected to an awareness of what’s inside of me. I feel much more connected to living a life without rules and judgments.
One time in ALMA, a group of yoga teachers from America came to give a class. I had a discussion with one of those teachers the day before, so after the yoga class, the teacher asked me if I wanted to come to America to be certified in teaching yoga. She fundraised money for a few months and made my very expensive dream come true. I went to America for a month of training, which gave me retrospection and perspective of everything I’ve been through, which was a rollercoaster. A lot happened to me from the inside and out.
During ALMA, each girl has to volunteer in the community, so I chose to teach yoga to kids in Ofakim.
Q: What are you doing nowadays, and what do you want to do after your national service?
A: I live in Tel Aviv in an apartment for national service. My national service involves being with elderly people- some need physical help with things like shopping, others I keep company during the day. After my national service, I want to continue teaching yoga, but not as a career. I also want to travel by myself after I have some civilian life in Israel. I want to travel to see the world, people, cultures, and to discover things about the difference and resemblance in the world. I want to travel to a variety of places- places completely different from each other, like Africa, the far east, Europe, Asia, and America, and find some resemblance in all of these places; things that are always the same, some unity of life. They say in Hebrew “the same lady in a different dress”. I’m very curious to discover human nature.
Barkai-Brody said that for the entire program, Tova was totally disconnected from her family. A month before the program ended, the family reached out to Michal and said they wanted to know how Tova was doing, but it’s too painful for them to speak to her. They felt like she betrayed everything that was sacred for them. “To them”, Michal says, “a girl who leaves her family is disobedient and a lawbreaker who tears the family apart”. Michal responded to Tova family, saying, “Tova is a tzadikkah, a righteous woman. She might not follow your path but she is a lighthouse. Find a way to reconnect with her”. Tova and her family slowly met again and last Passover, Michal got an email from the family saying “thank you for bringing back our daughter”. For them, Michal said, “it was alike a crossing of the sea. They realized she’s a righteous girl even though she isn’t ultra orthodox. Her father decided to bring his daughter back into his life. He worked hard to be a better man and even started practicing yoga with her”.
The ALMA program opened a new world for Tova, who attributes her introspection, freedom, and happiness to ALMA. In an ultra-orthodox community, she was raised to see black and white, no pun intended. But ALMA exposes different parts of Israeli society for the girls, showing that life is more complicated than expected. For many like Tova, this not only changes their worldview, but their life trajectory. This year, for the first time in many years, Tova is going to join her family again for the Pesach Seder. Together they will read about freedom and know that just as Tova said about Water and Love, even if there is love, there can still be change.
*Some of the details have been changed to protect identities. Tova could never have joined ALMA without a full scholarship, as is true for over 50% of the girls in ALMA. In order to help girls like Tova partake in this life changing experience, please consider becoming a partner by contributing to ALMA’s Personal Freedom Scholarship Campaign for Passover.
Eliana Rudee is a fellow with the Haym Salomon Center and the author of the “Aliyah Annotated” column for JNS.org. She is a graduate of Scripps College, where she studied international relations and Jewish studies. Her bylines have been featured in USA Today, Forbes, and The Hill. Follow her column on JNS.org.
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