June 12, 2012 | 8:55 pm

Not Satisfied

Posted by Golie Zarabi

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Therapists-

I am 29 years old, and just started a new relationship. For the last couple years I dated casually, but really wanted to have a boyfriend again. I was discouraged for years, feeling that no one would love me again. Now that Im in a relationship, I am slowly realizing that Im still not satisfied. My boyfriend is great and very kind to me but Im not as happy as I thought I would be. I really thought that I wanted to be with someone again, and now I feel like I want to be single.

Dear Anonymous,

I understand how discouraging it must be to finally get what you believed you wanted and still not be fulfilled. It seems that you had put a lot of weight on being in a relationship and yet you are still not satisfied. Many times we look outside of ourselves for something to save us from our current state. Often we look to these external means to fulfill a void within us, or to distract ourselves from dealing with what may be the real issue at hand. What did you hope to get from the relationship? What matter was it going to alleviate for you? What feelings or thoughts do you have that leave you unsatisfied and discouraged? You say that you were unhappy being single and now you feel the same in a relationship. If you feel that a relationship is supposed to fill an emptiness and it doesn’t, this may be a sign that this emptiness has nothing to do with a relationship at all. Looking within and gaining more self awareness may bring to light factors that have been overlooked and avoided. Until these concerns are brought to the surface and given the right attention you may continue to feel dissatisfied regardless of your relationship status.

Good luck,

Golie