I have recently been obsessing over my future. I don’t know specifically what I am so worried about but I have been thinking about it a lot. With the new year, I think a lot about where I am going to be by the end of the year. I worry about my career, whether or not I am making the right choices. I worry about finances, and no longer want to get money from my father. I want to be able to control my worries.
If you were in my office, I would ask you several questions: How long have your “obsessions about your future” begun? Did anything happen to trigger these thoughts and concerns? Is this just a current state of affairs for you, or have you always suffered from anxiety?
Your last statement “I want to be able to control my worries” is reflective of how you must be suffering. Anxiety is a very difficult and hard to tolerate state of being. Unfortunately, many people suffer from it. Anxiety can be situational and acute, caused by an uncontrollable event, or it can be chronic, with often a genetic predisposition. This means that we can inherit anxiety, and at times, aside from a learned behavior, there are chemical imbalances in the brain that can contribute to the anxiety.
It is very important to explore the causes of your anxiety. Whatever it is, it is quite necessary to take care of it before it becomes bigger than life. The good news is that this can be treated.
Anxiety often covers unprocessed feelings. In your case the theme seems to be about your fear of helplessness toward an unpredictable world, and your doubts about your ability to take care of yourself. This may have to do with your developmental stage of transitioning into an adult; or it may be based on some outside reality of financial hardship; or yet it could be related to something completely undifferentiated. Sometimes when we do not feel in control of our lives we project that fear onto everything outside of ourselves. Another strong feeling that anxious people experience is the feeling of guilt, which seems reflected in your need not to be dependent on your dad for money.
I highly recommend that you seek help, and find a place where you would be able to unload these thoughts and fears. I have a feeling, all you need is a place where you can explore your options, find your strength, and feel contained. You may just need a push to the right direction.
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